judjira

[judjira]

heyo it is ur friendly neighborhood joo !

it has been Quite A While since i last posted anything, whether on tumblr or ao3, but worry not! i am not dead yet, and i have no plans on being dead. i've been stuck for a while on writing, but i'll get to that in a bit.

for some reason, now that it's the end of the year, i took a moment to sit down and really just think about things, and i've come to one conclusion.

god, 2024 really sucked for me.

now, i know mindless rants and thought dumps like this aren't why you follow me or anything, but honestly, this is a writing blog, so i'm going to write. if you don't like that, boohoo (jk feel free to stop reading and go send that ask about when im going to update (fic) haha)

a lot of my friends like to say i give main character vibes, and that's not me boasting. genuinely i wonder what it is they see in me that makes them think that. maybe it's the way i tell stories about what happened to me, or how i can manage to keep up a conversation and seem like an extrovert, or just genuinely the way i live my life.

for context, i'm a freelancer doing events and theater, which means i have really, really strange work hours, and even stranger income. i suppose, to someone else, my life seems cool, leaving for work at 11 pm, going to different cities for shows, getting to meet celebrities in the industry and whatnot. and yeah, if i didn't work in this industry, i'd think that's pretty cool too.

but i do work in this industry. and god does it suck so bad. i try a lot to find the reasons why i keep doing my job, and it happens a lot like this:

i do a gig with a lot of hiccups, problems in management, toxic people, underperformance, and i consider quitting. then, something really great happens at the end, and i gaslight myself into ignoring my imposter syndrome and i keep working, waiting for another job.

so it's a lot like someone only giving me food when i'm desperately starving, just enough to keep me going for one day.

do i enjoy it? hell no. is it worth it? somehow, for some reason, at the end of it all, yes.

but the one thing i really don't like about it all is how it's affected my personal relationships. i take all responsibility for the way i act and the way i behave, but i'd be a liar if i said my workplace didn't influence me the way it did.

this year has been so full of ups and downs with my parents, my siblings, my girlfriend, my friends. i feel like, somehow, in gaining independence for myself financially, i somehow realized in the first place what i was so dependent on in my relationships. which sucks.

and to make it full circle, another thing i really don't like about it is how it's taken me away from my favorite hobby, which is writing.

i have missed out on writing for so long that it physically pains me sometimes that i'm away from my laptop and clicky keyboard, unable to pour my heart out onto some weird ass twice fic that barely anyone's gonna read. it might seem shallow to someone else, hell, probably to most people, but damn if writing isn't the one thing i come back to each and every year.

which, i think, brings me to my next point, which is i think i have to apologize for not being so active. i've made a lot of promises that i haven't been able to keep with my fics, and i have so many drafts that haven't seen the light of day. and i don't think it's just you people who read my fics that i have to apologize to, but also myself. i think i took writing too seriously and ended up having it weigh down on me more than it should have.

the whole point of this damn thing is to have fun, and to make sure other people have fun, and i don't think i've been having a lot of fun recently, honestly.

so, yeah. an apology. to you guys. and to myself. i think. im a fuckin weirdo.

but yeah, that's it for this rant. if you made it to the end, congrats! i'll be posting a s'agapo update soon, and i'm also working on the next out of bounds. after that, god knows what i'm updating. i'm gonna stop lying to myself and saying that i have an update plan when in reality i just write whatever's on my mind.

anyway, thanks for reading, and i hope you all have a very happy new year. love ya

[judjira]

i observed something as someone who’s been reading twice fics for like 5 years alr (and like +3 years in other fandoms)

for some reasons, after reading gut wretching angst fics, tell me why i find out that 90% of yall are filipinos 😭 ganito ba epekto pag pangit yung sistema? pati yung romansa, hindi na kayang i-romanticize ng mga writers 😭

AHAHAHAHA TANGINA baka nga,,,,,nahihirapan nga akong magsulat ng fluff eh

[judjira]

i just read cocoa butter kisses a while ago and... i've always been a sucker for angst with a gut wretchig endings and you wrote it so beautifully. in a way, i can kinda relate with dahyun–her yearning, pain, cigarettes, and never confronting. tangina ang sakit mo naman, nakikinig pa naman ako sa marlboro black 😭

as with majority of things in that i've written, i actually have a sequel(?) from sana's perspective hahaha idk when i'll ever finish that

ganun talaga buhay hahaha cbk is based off a conversation i had with one of my exes while i was smoking

glad u enjoyed it!

[judjira]

i bring good tidings from the world of joo

i have started writing the second spin off of jamais vu, and i have finished the beginning and the ending, which is a good sign bc that is exactly how i wrote jamais vu

spoiler alert: it's an alternate universe of jamais vu that's angsty

[judjira]

i wanna make fics based on shakespeare but like,,,if all the characters are girls,,,,,why not just have them all love each other instead of making it a tragedy hahaha

[judjira]

proof im writing

[judjira]

hello everyone !!! i am alive,,,i am simply struggling financially and being forced to move out haha

i will write something soon ! i think,,,

[judjira]

what is with filipino private catholic all girls high school sapphics and playing cheesy OPM with their guitars and their wolfcuts that barely conform to the length of the school rules

it's such a well coded stereotype that just WORKS for some reason and its literally EVERYWHERE

[judjira]

YAHOO ANOTHER TWO YEAR LONG FIC RELEASED INTO THE WILD

pls read and let me know your thoughts !! unlike my usual fics, this one holds a special place in my heart for being inspired by my favorite filipino short story

i rly hope yall like it !

[judjira]

yipeeeee a new fic ! and this time it's tzuyu-centric wahahaha

[judjira]

ahh i was the one who sent that rec to ghost 😭 i didnt expect you to see that but now that you have, i just wanted to say that first snowfall and side character were what got me into reading twice fics and lowkey made me dahyun biased loll so thank u!

aaaa thank u !!! im constantly surprised by how many people read my fics haha i appreciate it a lot !!

[judjira]

OMG UR SO SWEET HUHUHU

thank u for the rec,,,i also recommend all of @ghostheadlock's fics (even tho i havent read them all yet !!!)

hey do you take recs? like suggestions for other works? i feel like u would love judjira’s works if you haven’t read them already!

i love getting recs! and i have read their work and love it quite a lot @judjira is a true mvp in the fic community!

[judjira]

when i was in college we were required to watch a play for our lit class n me and a friend decided to watch the latest run, but before that we went out to have a few drinks outside campus. somehow during the intermission we convinced ourselves we could go back out, finish a fishbowl, and come back before intermission finished (it was just 15 mins?????) anyway when we came back the play just finished and come next class meeting we had a surprise quiz… got a perfect score call it a complete miracle

OOOOOO i love college theater,,,

i also love messy college drinking HAHA

i was pretty reckless back in the day,,,i drank basically everyday after rehearsals

but also good job to u on that quiz that sounds like typical college life HAHA acing a quiz with a hangover

[judjira]

curious question: for those of y'all who are done with/still in college

what's a core, niche memory from college that'll stay with you forever?

[judjira]

college was a time,,,i kinda miss it

[judjira]

i think im going to pass away. the scott pilgrim au, mosaic AND LOVEDRUNK ??? AGHHHH IM GOING CRAZY IM GOING CRAZY ALSO I JUST READ THE FINAL CHAPTER FOR PRETENTIOUS AGHHHHHH IM GONNA MISS THEM 😭 -💸

feel free to ask questions abt any of em !!! and thank u for reading pretentious hehe

[judjira]

HELL YEAH SO EXCITED I LOVED FIRST SNOWFALL

HAHA me too i rly rly enjoyed writing snowfall,,,very cathartic