jugo760-blog

[jugo760-blog]

help

I might need help

I have been single for a little over a month now. It sucks for the first time in 10 years I am alone. I feel completely alone, I'm just writing how I feel, I apologize if my grammar is not the best English is my second language.

its been difficult and makes it worse that at the moment I have no job, I lost my job due to Covid19 , so I am at home a lot and she got me like 90% of the things in here, She also got all my clothes and everything I wear I still have pictures of us all over the apartment not sure if is because I'm hoping she will come back or what but I don't think that's going to happen.

we had a good thing but the last year we had a lot of disagreements and fighting over dumb little things a day or two later we were back to it.. we did not live together but she was here all the time. I have health issues she has always been there and even after brake up she will help get my medication and other things but we don't text or talk anymore. it hurts but deep down I feel like maybe this is for the best, maybe she deserves someone better I still care for her so I want the best for her.. I know one of the reasons I would not listen to her we had problems and I never help or try to fix them,

I never cheated I had the opportunity but I didn't because I cared so much for my ex I like to think she never did it to me either but I'm not so sure I think that's what pushed her to brake up but that's a whole other pots I guess, I blame my self I think we both wanted out Idk its so confusing to me, what sucks too is that I have like no friends so I just stay home watch tv play video games and my pc it gets boring after a few days of the same thing, I miss us doing dumb things like going to target and just walking around or going to Safeway at midnight to get ice-cream.

I text her a lot at the beginning now I don't I deleted her # but after 10+ years I memorized that number so yea..

I feel alone and scared

I'm hoping that a new job means and helps me but till them I'm looking for some help here and anywhere I can behind my monitor, oh yea I guess I have depression too I have no insurance at the moment so I haven't told my DR but I'm pretty sure I have it.. I'm not suicidal or anything but I sometimes think what would happen idk.. thank you for reading and not sure how reddit works so Ill check back see if anything happened