julesmaee-blog - Tumblr blog

[julesmaee-blog]

some of the most painful goodbyes are the ones never said and never explained .

(Bilal Nasir Khan).(💔).(goodbyes are never easy)

[julesmaee-blog]

i hate when i have to pretend that something doesn't bother me when it's really killing me inside.

(killingme).(.via.x+)

[julesmaee-blog]

i care . i always care . this is my problem . even when you didn't care about me , i still managed to be in the slightest way caring and loving towards you . i was breaking , yet i still was able to pick you up when you were sad . when you needed me ? i was there . when i needed you ? you weren't there . see .. and now i realize that . now idfwu anymore ... n you still think you have a shot w/ me ? wanna try and play it off like we good ? fym . you fucking broke me . that's not just something that's gonna blow over . you really did some damage .. buh that taught me a lesson . i learned that i'm here , n i'm important . i'm not gonna chase after people to prove that i matter .☺️💍✨

(😘you only got yourself in the end)

[julesmaee-blog]

you broke me in more ways then i could've ever imagined . so how is it fair that you have someone while i'm crying my heart out every night because i was never enough for you to begin with .

(no fair).

[julesmaee-blog]

trust me , i don't want to feel sad .. but i do . i don't want to care .. but i do . i don't want to overthink everything .. but i do . i can't change it . no matter how hard i try , i can't stop being someone that no one wants . cause that's what i am . i've tried to change , i want to . but i can't . it doesn't work that way .

(it's not easy being this way) (💔) .

[julesmaee-blog]

the girl who talks and laughs a lot and seems very happy .. is also the girl that may cry herself to sleep .

(me)

[julesmaee-blog]

of course she's gonna say she's happy for you and fake a smile . but look into those eyes , you broke her .

(faking a smile is easier then explaining why you're sad)

[julesmaee-blog]

my eyes don't light up when i hear your name anymore . i don't get chills when you walk by me & my heart doesn't race when you smile at me . you don't get me like you used to . you're just a bad memory in the back of my mind . so don't be surprised next time you make your way past me & i don't even glance your way . & don't bother trying to talk to me , you won't get a response . i'm over fighting the same loosing battle . the saddest part is that you don't have anyone to blame but yourself . i gave you every chance you could've asked for . & you messed up every time . now i walk around with nothing but a smile on my face & i laugh louder than before . looks like you lost me . but that's all on you .

(💔)

[julesmaee-blog]

i wish i had never met you . then there would be no need to impress you . no need to want you . no need for loving you . no need for crying over you . no need for heartbreaks . no need for pain or tears . no need for forgotten promises . no need for rejected hugs . no need for crying myself to sleep . no need for acting like you care . no need , for everything you've done to make me feel like absolutely nothing .

(...)

[julesmaee-blog]

i needed to know that i meant something , anything to you . but what i got was nothing . absolutely nothing . and it's funny the things your realize when someone walks away . at first , you feel as though it's your fault . feeling like nothing .. so close to falling apart . and then , in time , you've come to the realization that you did nothing wrong . that it's his loss , that you are so much better without that one boy who didn't even care . you live and you learn ... that's the way it is .

(feelings)

[julesmaee-blog]

no , he's not busy . no , his phone didn't die . no , he didn't forget to text you . it's been hours and hours and he's probably not even thinking about you so stop trying to convince yourself he is .🙂💔

(3:00 am thoughts) (x).

[julesmaee-blog]

i hate myself . i hate my face , my body , the environment i’m in , i feel there’s so much hate that i don’t know what to do with it . i see pictures in magazines that when i look back on myself , i no longer like what i see . they don’t show you the stretch marks , split ends , or gapped teeth . they don’t represent people like me . since day one we’ve been told to say this and do that and if i wear this then a guy just might like me . it’ll bring me so much negativity that negativity became me . but i lie and carry on smiling because that’s who i want to be .. who everyone else wants me to be . so happy and joyful and carefree . people tell me to just be confident . they don’t understand that i get tired .. i get weak . i just need you to understand that i’m filled with self hate and it consumes me . because i wasn’t taught to be proud of myself and love who i am , no i was taught that there are expectations and limitations for someone like me to be appreciated and loved . i’m so filled with pain i suffocate . people don’t understand .

excerpt of a book i’ll never write ( 3:32 a.m. )