juliuscaesarwasright

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caesar in eyeliner everybody

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this vision came to me at like 2am, so now you must see it too

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i designed caesar a revenge dress :D

plus a chilly caesar curled up in his cape in gaul

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:>

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Chaotic clodius and crassus design searches

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Me: Hey, Marcus? My dad, my first husband, my brother, my second husband and two family friends all at once: yes?

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Fulvia pegs and Mark Antony gets pegged.

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insurmountable grief for some asshole who died 2000+ years ago

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can I interest you in some gay ancient roman matronae on this idea of march

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They don't do political assassination like they used to

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Happy 2124 birthday to the man, the icon, you would always be missed. Men in Rome wish they had half as much impact.

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reaction image

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Happy pride month to whatever Marcus Agrippa was doing with the Laconian baths

[27] Meanwhile Agrippa had been beautifying the city at his own expense. First, in honor of the naval victories he built over the so-called Portico of Neptune and lent it further brilliance by the painting of the Argonauts. Secondly, he repaired the Laconian sudatorium. He gave the name Laconian to the gymnasium because the Lacedaemonians had, in those days, a greater reputation than anybody else for stripping naked and exercising smeared with oil.

(Cassius Dio, 53.27)

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real thing that happened at actium

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Roman politicians on Twitter.

Pompey: “Woke up like this” [professionally staged selfie]

Crassus: Bought Twitter. Now selling tweets to AI miners.

Cato the Younger: ARGVES VITH EVERYONE. BELIEVES LOVER CASE LETTERS AND U AND W ARE BARBARIAN CVSTOMS. MISTAKEN FOR HOMESTVCK TYPING QVIRK; NO ONE VILL TELL HIM VHAT HOMESTVCK IS.

Caesar: Memes and pictures of himself with Cato’s sister. 50% of his followers may or may not be bots.

Clodius: Gained a massive following for prank videos. Nepo baby who posts “Eat the rich!” for clout. Sics his fans on anyone who annoys him.

Cicero: “A response to the New Ostia Times article this morning” 🧵1/900

Catulus: Never figured out how to use Twitter but is sure it’s everything wrong with society.

Bibulus: Run off Twitter by an angry mob; now posts Youtube videos about cancel culture.

Ahenobarbus: Got in a fight with Caesar’s followers that nearly got him swatted until Caesar told them to cut it out. Picked a fight with them again a week later.

Hortensius: Made one introductory post, saw the state of Twitter, and promptly logged out.

Scipio Africanus: Actually an RP account secretly run by Pompey.

Publius Cornelius Scipio Africanus: Rival RP account secretly run by Crassus. Argues with the other Scipio about which one is a Carthaginian spy.

Lucullus: Only posts pictures of his meals. To be fair, those are really pretty salads.

[juliuscaesarwasright]

Once again inspired by @just-late-roman-republic-things.

Unarmed Ancient Romans in a Haunted House

(It's a good things swords aren't allowed.)

Octavian: He wasn't feeling well when this was proposed but insists on coming, then screams at the jump scares and somehow ends up hiding in a field next door.

Agrippa: He heads through and has no reaction at all to the scares. On the way through he sees a door hanging off its' hinges and pulls out his all purpose tool to fix it. If Octavian is still hiding in the field when he exits, he goes to find him.

Mark Antony: He is laughing at most of the scares and chatting with the scare workers. If one manages to startle him, they get punched in the face, but they all go out for beers afterwards so it's cool. (If he gets outside before Agrippa, he goes to get Octavian out of the field with a big sigh. )

Lepidus: He is a cautionary tale and becomes the subject of local legends as he reluctantly went into the haunted house after Antony and Octavian told him to, but he never leaves. Some say on late nights, you can hear a voice crying in the night, "Why did I think we were a trio?"

Cicero: He explains to his group the psychology and special effects behind the haunted house as they go through it. Yes, he shrieks at a jump scare, but then immediately says, "Ah, see, the startle scare activates one's sympathetic nervous system and triggers an acute stress response that prepares the body to engage in either fight or flight." His group might not enjoy this, but Cicero does.

Dolabella: He is one of the scare actors and absolutely takes it too far with his act. He is the one punched by Antony.

Julius Caesar: Let's be honest, he just bought tickets for his friends and supporters who wanted to go... But if pressed, would absolutely be the guy talking about how it was not going to be scary loudly in line so the scare actors all decide to gang up on him throughout the entire thing and make his experience miserable.

Pompey: He boasts even louder than Caesar about how he is unable to be scared. That leads to a gang of scare actors picking on him until he runs out screaming, but once outside he pretends he was laughing the entire time.

Crassus: He stays outside and partners scared looking people with a group of large, brave people working for him for a nominal fee. Haunted house escort service. Not THAT kind. (That costs extra.)

Brutus: He manages to get through the house, finding the attitudes of Julius Caesar and Magnus Pompey as horrifying as anything inside the house. (Except the clowns.)

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Roman politicians at the Guggenheim art museum.

Caesar: Came in solely to take Instagram selfies; leaves in a huff when he realizes people on upper floors can see his bald spot.

Pompey: Tries to bribe the museum into exhibiting an 11 foot tall nude statue of himself.

Crassus: Makes a big enough donation each year to get his name on a plaque; has never actually visited. Thinks "Bernini" is a type of sandwich.

Bibulus: Tries to get free tickets by saying "Do you know who I am?" The staff charge him extra.

Lepidus: Showed up when the building was closed. Later thought the "wet floor" sign was an exhibit.

Agrippa: Gets mistaken for an employee despite wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Tourists instinctively assume he's knowledgeable about the building like baby ducks following their mother. They are entirely correct.

Octavian: Only allowed in with Agrippa's supervision after the time he spilled coffee on a Van Gogh.

Cicero: Memorized multiple speeches on the importance of art education for a TV crew; over-gesticulates and knocks over a Picasso.

Clodius: Banned for life after peeing in Duchamp's Fountain.

Catiline: Kicked out for jeering at art exhibited from a local grade school. In front of the 7-year-old who drew it.

Mark Antony: Kicked out for attempting to turn the slanted hallway into a giant slip-n-slide.

Cato: Gets mistaken for a performance artist because he is still, in the 21st century, wearing a toga.