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junkratsloverat · 6 months

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______________Iris______________

word count: 1,787

tw: murder mention, mild torture mention, self loathing, generalized angst

A trickle of laughter spills out into the hallway from behind a partly open door. It’s his laughter. I know it by sound though I’ve yet to be the cause of it. Silent shadows follow at my heels as I creep towards the door. And ‘creep’ I am, I suppose. There’s little else to explain why I’m constantly watching him like this, from afar. It has long since stopped serving a purpose, and I can’t say it’s a habit yet either.

My eyes are drawn to Feyrith almost immediately and I take in his face eagerly; greedy to commit it to memory again and again. His head is tipped back in laughter, a bright, unrestrained smile on his face, his hand on Juvius’ arm, laughing at something the Blades noble had said. His dark eyes are crinkled at the corners, and alit with joy. Salaros makes a joke at his expense and his smile changes to a look of mock betrayal as he glares at his friend.

I’ve never much cared for crowds, but something in me yearns to be out there now, awash in his light like the others. I tear my eyes away from his face, scolding my rash thoughts. When his voice piques my interest again, my hand moves towards the door of its own accord, longing to be nearer. I pull it back and with it, my unruly thoughts. Willing them back to the task at hand, I resign myself to merely observing for now.

“And I'd give up forever to touch you

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't wanna go home right now”

What would happen if I dropped all pretenses? If I walked in as myself, as the Harbinger; and begged for help? I take long strides into the room, --calling attention to myself as I do-- and watch as smiles turn in my direction, --curiosity but not fear, caution but not hatred--, as I walk up. Greeted by the group, by him, I drop to my knees and confess the truth. Dredge up the horrible misdeeds and awful plans for them to know, to judge. But they don’t. Instead, Feyrith takes my hand, promises he’s on my side. I am not left alone in this. I know it would never be that simple, that there’s a reason I did things this way, but doubt seeps into the edges of my mind, muddling the reasoning I had convinced myself of. If my calculations were wrong, I’d never know now.

“And all I could taste is this moment

And all I can breathe is your life

And sooner or later, it's over

I just don't wanna miss you tonight”

I shake my head of those traitorous thoughts. No matter what he thinks of me, I did what I had to do. He wouldn’t have helped any other way, not after I'd shown my hand, shown what I was capable of.

Shadows swirl around me, a look of shock and fear in the human man’s eyes as I unlock his worst memories, dragging them out and forcing him to relive them. I keep my face neutral, a mask of unbothered indifference as the man pleads for it to stop, tears streaming down his ruddy cheeks. Feyrith stands off to the side, watching this play out with a look of horror on his face. “Now, I’ll ask one more time. What do you know?” I ask, my voice cold, demanding. When I get the answer I was seeking from him, I wipe his memory of the event, watching his face go blank like a fresh sheet of parchment. The agony of the memories leaves the man's eyes, replaced with glassy-eyed confusion. “Leave us.” I turn from the man with those simple words, leaving him on his knees. I don’t spare him another glance as he stumbles off, obeying the order.

Another event plays out before the shame of the first has run its course.

The faery creature looks up at me with big, wet black eyes, ”Please. Don’t do this.” I ignore their pleas, my face carefully indifferent as I use my magic to wipe their mind of everything that makes them unique, makes them them. I wait for that blank, dazed look I know all too well to take over their features before I speak. “What’s your name?” “I-I don’t know.” “Good, let me give you one.” From there, it’s easy. I take what I need them to be and mold it perfectly; fabricating a life story, a motive. It’s simple, all too easy; and more than effective. When I’m done, I beckon Feyrith over to me. “They know what to do, we can go.” “But-” “It is done, let’s go.” I leave no room to argue as I stride from the room.

“And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am”

I continue to watch Fey mingle with his friends, none the wiser that I hide in the shadows, ever lurking, ever watching. My plans for him… They’re not without risk. He could easily be hurt, even killed. That’s been proven already, when the Seelie had held him hostage; however briefly. Before, I was willing to risk that. Was willing to sacrifice whatever was necessary. But now, I’m not so sure that I can do that. Perhaps, I have new things to protect now. The smiling, laughing face of the Feyrith of present time overlaps in my mind with the one of the past. The one covered in dirt and blood as I was helpless to find him in time, to save him. The memories come to me, unhurried as they dance around in my mind. My fists clench at my side, the shadows in the hall darkening alongside my thoughts. Very briefly, relief washes over me as the visions come to an end but then they’re replaced with worse ones yet to come.

Sarroth has to know of Feyrith’s existence by now. She isn’t blind--; she has to know what I’m working towards. How easily she could crush not only my plans but this new feeling in my chest when I look at Feyrith. Thoughts of her hand around his throat plague my mind. Vivid images of him struggling and pleading for help as she chokes the air from his lungs, his face turning blue as he struggles to breathe in her grasp; my magic utterly useless against her more experienced, weaponized abilities. I would be no match for her. Even at my strongest, she would best me in any fight. That’s why I was relying on Feyrith for my plans to succeed in the first place. In my mind's eye I see him, gasping for air, tears pricking at the corners of his bloodshot eyes, dying. I shake the thought from my head, refocusing my attention on the here and now. My eyes are drinking in his very much alive and vibrant form as images of his blood streaked face flash behind them. Would it matter if I succeeded if he was the cost?

“And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies

When everything feels like the movies

Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive”

The day I had begun putting together this plan, everything had seemed so clear. The path forward had many obstacles but none so great that I couldn’t side-step them with some careful planning. I had been doing this, all of this, to protect my family. But it hardly mattered now. My mother was gone, taken somewhere I couldn’t follow. My sister has yet to be found but I see little point in remaining optimistic. Now, after centuries, my heart finally beats for another and like a fool, I’m the reason he’s in danger. I have wiped countless minds, --will have to wipe many more to make any of this worth it--, had planned to wipe his if he lived even. But subjecting him to Sarroth, --potentially for nothing seeing as my family is already gone now--, I can’t justify it.

I sigh, barely a sound above a breath, and yet I hope he hears it. Pulls me out of hiding, forces me to come clean. I wait a few heartbeats but conversation on the other side of the door continues on, undisturbed and none the wiser of my presence. I melt further into the shadows, masking my aura. No, I cannot keep doing this the way I have been so far. I’ve come too close to end things just yet, but all the same, plans must be adjusted.

“And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am”

Feyrith leans into his friend's touch, soothing his nerves as he checks the time and prepares for my arrival, completely unaware I’ve been here for hours now mulling over our odds and how best to keep his little group unaware but willing. I ache to be the one he leans on, to offer him comfort rather than fear, but we all have our roles to play. Mine is no more over than his. Soon, perhaps, we can drop these restraints and speak freely, but not yet.

When this is over, I’ll let him keep his memories. I’ll tell him the truth. I’ll get on my knees and beg for forgiveness. I’ll let him walk away. And when all is said and done, He will remember it all. He will surely hate me, but at least it will be his choice. I take a calming breath and make my presence known, striding into the room and cutting off conversation like a splash of cold water to a face.

“And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am”

Feyrith’s eyes meet mine and I don the mask I’ve chosen to wear once again. For now, I know the part I must play.

“I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am”

Fin~

#!!!!!!!!#otps #fics

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junkratsloverat · 7 months

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A Fluffy Winter Solstice 🌟

Premise: On a date with Laz, the night before the grand light display. We go to the snow festival in the heart of Adavellana together and have a wonderfully romantic night under the dazzling lights of the city.

The snow stings the tip of my nose and I scrunch it up, disgruntled. I hear a cool laugh beside me and turn my head, beaming up at my beloved as he strolls alongside me. The lights all around us glow behind his head, a soft halo. He looks peaceful and cosy, and my heart clenches happily at the sight. The red scarf wrapped around both our necks and our gloved hands clasped together in his coat pocket keep us hip-to-hip as we continue along the path, admiring the festival bursting to life around us.

Laz's gaze doesn't waver from mine. He's so gorgeous I can hardly stand it. The strong planes of his cheekbones, the sharp intellect in his gaze... Stars above I can't stop staring at this mans mouth. I finally manage to drag my gaze back up to his and a blush takes up residence on my cheeks. Now having been caught staring at his lips, I scramble for something to say to take the attention off my warm face.

"Your hand is awfully cold for someone adjusted to this weather," I accuse, feeling the chill from his fingers through my glove.

"I don't feel the cold, my body can still physically get cold my dear." He explains, tugging me gently through the sea of party-goers. His gaze fixed up ahead. Whatever he's dragging me towards has gathered quite the crowd.

We push our way through the throng of people, intent on getting to the front. I carefully manoeuvre my way around a cheshire and a merrow in a heated argument. The tang of magic already swirled around them and I had no intention of being caught in the middle of that.

An excited chatter can be heard coming from the other merrygoers. Two children with fluffy mittens and earmuffs to match giggle as they try to catch snowflakes on their tongues. An older fae with ribbons and bells adorning his tufted tail prepares to lead a group of carollers into the next song. All around there are plenty more people; humans, fae and others alike coming together for one of the biggest festivals Adavellana throws.

We break through the herd and I take in the sight before me.

The ice rink Lazorius led me to is smooth as glass and the couples skating look as if they're floating in the air, a mirror image of their forms beneath them. The lights wrapped around the trees and rails of the rink add a soft glow to the scene, enchanting me. I turn to Laz, the wonder and joy I feel obvious in my wide eyes as I grin up at him.

"You took me to go ice skating?" I exclaim, excitement radiating from me as I practically vibrate in place, the need to stim insistent.

"I wanted to surprise you, do you like it?" He looks down at me with a small smile on his lips and I hear the note of uncertainty in his voice.

I squeeze our still-clasped hands reassuringly and step up on tiptoes to press a kiss to his jaw.

"I love it," I murmur against his skin, leaning back to see his face. The shared scarf around us limiting how far I can go. He smiles down at me, his heavy-lidded eyes alit with soft affection.

Lazorius says nothing in reply, simply tugs me along by my hand as he starts towards the ice rinks entrance. The crowd parts for him seamlessly, some recognizing him and others just sensing his power and assuming it best to move out of his way. I look around in awe. The faelights bobbing in the air combined with the festive choir singing somewhere unseen adds to the magical feeling encasing the whole square.

I twist out from under the shared scarf and turn slowly in place, drinking it all in. I feel like I walked into the middle of a fairytale. The evergreens around the park are wrapped in elaborate ribbons and strung up with twinkling lights. The couples skating look blissfully unaware of anything around them and the wind playing with my hair smells of cinnamon and peppermint. In other words, it is as flawless as my date. I turn back to Laz, grinning broadly. He is watching me with a look of tenderness and adoration that I know is a look reserved only for me.

"Come on then," he murmurs, holding out a hand for me to take.

I let him pull me in, help me into a pair of skates, wrap the scarf fully around me, and lead me onto the ice without hesitation.

From here, however, apprehension gives me pause. I stop and survey the skaters in front of us. They didn't seem aware of our arrival, instead lost in the moment here on the ice. A couples laughter drifts back to me and I watch a brunette woman throw her head back mirthfully as they swirled past us.

"I haven't um, I haven't done this since I was a small kid," I explain, embarrassment evident in my tone. I won't meet his gaze, instead focusing again on the spinning lovers as I murmur, "Please tell me you're highly skilled at this just like everything else you do."

A surprised, low laugh escapes him and it takes me so off guard my mouth falls open to form a small 'o' as my eyes shoot up to his. His laugh is a sound I could listen to over and over and never tire of. I greedily drink it in though I'm still unclear on what he found funny. He must see the question on my face, because he offers me a charming half-shrug. The look is oddly boyish and it endears me to him all the more.

He takes my hands in his and gracefully spins us slowly; as if we're dancing. The sound of our blades slicing through the ice is a pleasing noise.

"No, not really, but I do cheat a little." His eyes are full of mischief as he helps me glide along the ice with him. The look on my face makes him chuckle. "I would never let you make a fool of yourself on the ice, trust me." He says, gesturing down to his skates with a look.

Bracing my arms more firmly against him I twist and look down at our feet. The blades of his skates are obscured by a swirling mass of darkness. The shadows clinging to his feet writhe and sway, making it look like he is skating on a cloud of smoke. At first, I don't understand what I'm seeing and when it dawns on me I laugh looking back to his face.

"The great Prince of Crows doesn't know how to ice-skate without the help of his magic?" I tease, the thought continues to send me into fits of giggles.

He raises an eyebrow and a wicked smirk graces his mouth before suddenly, without warning, I feel something tug my legs out from under me and I'm falling. I let out a yelp and before I can even pinwheel my arms, Laz is on my other side, smoothly sweeping me into a graceful dip. That wicked smirk still on his dastardly handsome face. To my indignation and embarrassment, several of the merrygoers around us clap and let out cheers, impressed with the show.

I glare up at Lazorius, "You did that on purpose!" I accuse, trying to fight the smile on my face.

He half-heartedly shrugs and pulls me back into his arms, fluidly beginning to twirl us around the ice once more. It's no use, I can't stay angry at him. Not when he is in such high spirits. I watch him, my heart full to know he is at ease at least for a night. I feel like I'm glimpsing a version of him from days past. A more youthful Laz perhaps, one with less on his shoulders. I tug him down by the lapels of his coat and press a chaste kiss to his lips. The stubble on his face scratching my cold cheeks.

He pulls me in flush and I lean into it. Placing my head against Laz's chest with my arms wrapped around his neck, I let out a sigh of contentment. This evening has been more than I could've ever asked for. I nestle my head into the coarse fabric of his coat and inhale through my nose, breathing in the scent of him. His chin rests atop my head as he swirls us around slowly. His breath teases my hair, the beat of his heart mixing with the serene voices of the choir. This has to be the best night of my life.

Laz kisses the crown of my head and then draws my chin up with one hand, compelling me to look at him. I meet his eyes questioningly, "Hmm?"

It's quieter now and I realize he has guided us to a secluded section of the rink, the other couples far enough away that even those with supernatural hearing wouldn't overhear us here.

"I have something for you," He says, pulling away slightly to dig something out of his coat pocket. He procures a small dark blue box wrapped with silver ribbon and maybe it's a trick of the light but I swear he hesitates nervously as he holds it out to me.

"It's not much," he continues, dragging his free hand through his messy dark hair in an uncharacteristically shy manner. "I just... I wanted to get you something special for the season." He finishes, clearing his throat. His eyes never leave mine and I'm touched by the vulnerability he's showing me. The Harbinger, going through so much hassle for me, is humbling, to say the least.

He gestures again to the box when I make no move to reach for it and I clumsily take it from his outstretched hand, my numb fingers bumping up against his as I do. The box is light, and I'm completely unprepared to receive a gift.

I look up at him, unsure. "But,-" I shake my head, biting my lip. "But I didn't get you anything," I say lamely, my cheeks heating.

He shakes his head. "Feyrith, my darling, gracing me with your presence tonight is gift enough."

I really shouldn't be surprised he's so smooth with his words, he is a faery after all. I continue to stand there and fidget for another moment before giving in to my curiosity and opening the package.

I open it carefully, untying the ribbon around the box and taking off the lid with gentle fingers.

Inside, resting on velvet of the darkest black is a simple choker of ribbon. The ribbon is a deep purple-blue and in the middle hangs a thick disc of ebony bone. I let out a small gasp and trace a finger over the simple etching of a crescent moon in the pendant. The disc is cold to the touch and smooth as glass. Instead of reflecting the glow of the faelights around us, it seems to absorb them.

"It-it's beautiful, Laz. Thank you." I whisper, marvelling at the thoughtfulness behind the gift. I feel the ribbon, twisting it between my fingers. The material is smooth and my fingers glide across it. "I love it," I say earnestly, looking up at him at last.

His body relaxes slightly and I realize how tense he had been, waiting to see if I'd accept his gift. If I'd accept him. I take in his calm countenance and internally roll my eyes at the familiar sight of my beloved living up to his moniker: The Masked Grim.

"Do you really?" He presses, again seeming unsure of himself. I find it charming how his words give away his nerves when his face does not.

"I really do," I confirm, the smile in my voice evident. "I love the gift and I love you," I promise.

He smiles, crooked and wide enough to once again remind me of a younger version of him.

And I, you. The words aren't spoken aloud, instead, sent via the mental bond we share.

His slit pupils dilate in delight as he takes the box back from me and twirls me around. "Here," he whispers, his cool breath caressing the shell of my ear as he moves my scarf and hair out of the way. Encircling my neck with the choker, he swiftly hooks the clasp and I feel the cool pendant settle at my throat. I turn to face him again, a small smile on my lips as I meet his mostly-pale eyes.

"My Court looks good on you." He says, a rakish smirk on his lips. He touches the odd pendant, a void of black absorbing all the light that hits it. "This was carved from the mountains in the Court of Teeth," He explains, beginning to whirl us about idly in our secluded little corner of the rink.

I touch the black disc at my throat, at a loss for words and choked up with emotion thanks to his profound gift. To be given something like this, oh...

"Laz," I say breathless, unsure how to express how I'm feeling.Lazorius gives me a knowing look. He can feel the tangled mélange of love and gratitude in my aura and doesn't need a more eloquent reply.

No words are needed as we both lean in, sharing a sweet kiss between us.

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#otps #fics #*baps table like a used car salesman* y’all are so CUTE

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