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transmasc fall is coming up, you know what that means

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Alfred: I don't make milkshakes because I don't want anyone in my fucking yard.

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If you drink beer while gaming you have the Mirthful Gamer's Heart.

If you drink hard alcohol while gaming you have the Riotous Gamer's Spirit.

If you drink wine while gaming you have the Sensual Gamer's Soul.

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I get that sex and drugs are fun but even im like. at least have a 3rd thing. at least one more hobby. you can have a 3rd hobby. this isnt a purity thing this is a some of u are fucking boring thing.

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Today's high schoolers romanticizing 2016 as if there weren't the clown incidents

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“eldritch horror beyond your comprehension” and it’s just a generic monster with tentacles and eyes

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“eldritch horror beyond your comprehension” and it’s just a generic monster with tentacles and eyes

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"you don't owe anyone anything" You are a tar pit. Speak for yourself. I personally owe the cafe employees my dishes put away and my friends a listening ear and small scared insects a cup and a gentle trip outside. Hyperindividualism is a rancid infection borne of capitalism and willfully misinterpreted therapyspeak and I will defy it by continuing to be kind regardless of whether or not it benefits me personally

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conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 6

Jason: hey, Nightwing, you still on this line?

Dick: *slightly strained* yeah hey, we're here, what's up? i thought you and Red Robin were on a stakeout?

Jason: yeah we just got a question, we're trying to settle a debate.

Dick: go for it.

Jason: Tim asked which terrorist attack i thought had the most 'aura', and now we're arguing over their different aesthetics.

Dick: oh for fucks sake.

Jason: now i said- what the fuck's that reaction for?

Dick: you guys have got to stop having those kinds of conversations on patrol, dude. last week Vicky Vale released an article about how Robin and Red Robin were recorded by civilians discussing which rogues were most likely to be transphobic.

Damian: i still believe Joker would be an ally.

Dick: -shut up Robin. one of these days you guys're gonna get us all cancelled on twitter.

*a few beats of silence*

Jason: ok so anyway, i said 9/11,

Dick, groaning: Hood.

Damian: what's 9/11?

Jason: ...sorry what?

Damian: 9/11. what is it.

Dick: *loud sigh* just a reminder, Robin, we're supposed to be tracking a drug cartel right now.

Jason: shut the fuck up Dick he doesn't know what 9/11 is- TIM FUCK OFF stop trying to use my com, join the call yourself!

Tim, very distantly: TELL HIM I HAVE A POWERPOINT ON ALL THE CONSPIRACIES, TELL HIM- *grunt*

Jason: -said fuck OFF. Damian we really need to have a conversation about what exactly the league's education for you entailed, because a lot of stuff got left out.

Damian: is this going to be like when you taught me about the omegaverse? because i didn't like that. Nightwing i found the truck by the way, pinging you my location.

Dick: hold on- fuck the drug cartel, Hood you told him about the omegaverse?!

*a beat*

Dick: did he just fucking disconnect from the line-?!

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Ozzy Osbourne’s death is like the death of a crusty white 3 legged no toothed dog in it’s mid 20s. It’s shocking and heartbreaking, but the shock mostly comes from the fact that it lived so long and through so much bodily strain that you kind of subconsciously assumed it was immortal.

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conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 4

Dick: -got a cramp in my leg mid-jump and it was the worst thing i’ve ever experienced in my life.

Jason: *low whistle* i fucking feel you.

Damian: didn’t you watch your parents die in front of you-?

Bruce: Robin, that’s inappropriate to bring up.

Jason: *snort*

Dick: no i stand by what i said. also i swear to god i- oh fuck hold on. *grunt*

*gravel crunching*

Bruce: Nightwing, all ok?

Dick: *professional high energy voice* heya! you need any help over here?

Jason: oh shit he’s talkin to somebody-

Dick: sure! you just go down that street over there and then-

Jason: HEY WHO YA TALKING TO?

Bruce: *disappointed* Hood.

Dick: *slight falter* -uh- and then it’s like two left turns-

Jason: NIGHTWING. HEY NIGHTWING ARE YOU TALKING TO SOMEBODY?

Tim: YEAH WHO YOU TALKING TO? IS IT ANYBODY I KNOW?

Dick: and then- um. fuck it’s like- you go down-

Jason: NIIIIGHTWINGGGGGGGGG

Tim: WINNGGGGGGGG TALK TO UUUUUUS

Bruce: Red Robin, Red Hood, stop it.

Damian: he should have muted father, he deserves this.

Dick: i- *awkward chuckle* sorry, i swear i know where to go. it’s-

Damian: WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?

Jason: YEAH NIGHTWING. WHO IS IT?

Tim: NIGHTWING, NIGHTWINGGGG-

Dick: a- a right and then-

Jason: HELLOOOOOOOO

Dick: -GOD FUCK CAN YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP.

*silence*

Bruce: *sigh*

Dick: *gasp* oh my god i’m so sorry i didn’t- that wasn’t directed at you i’m just on call with- oh fuck please don’t cry-

Jason: *loud cackles*

Tim: SUCCESS!

Jason, still laughing: I’m- oh god I can’t-

Damian: there goes Nightwing’s charisma score with the public.

Dick: i’m SO sorry- *furious whisper* you fuckers are going to fucking pay for this shit

Jason: *laughing loudly*

Tim: *wheeze* i feel like this is on you, not us

Dick: just you wait till i get a hold of you- here, why don’t i buy you an ice-cream as an apology, huh? i’ve got money riiight- fuck you guys, the kid ran away from me.

Tim: *sounding teary* i love group patrols so much

Dick, whining: B, you’re supposed to control them-!

Damian: I don’t think Batman has been in control of anything for a very long time.

Bruce: *sigh* Damian,

Bruce: shit- fuck- i mean Robin-,

*silence*

Jason and Tim: *cackling louder*

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conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 3

*wind whooshing* *grunting* *the sound of scraping against stone*

Dick: you have to be cheating somehow, you could never do that jump before!

Jason: how the fuck do you cheat at parkour?

Dick: *pause*

Dick: secret.... winches.

Jason, incredulous: secret winches?

Dick: secret winches. you got like- i dunno. stuff to help you up here.

Jason: *snorts* you're a fucking idiot. i can do the jump because i got steroided by the lazarus pit and pokemon evolved three times the size of myself, dipshit.

Dick, humming: yeah, that must have been a culture shock.

Jason: well it was fucking something that's for sure.

Dick: did you ever get like-, like when you woke up and you were just over six feet tall. did it fuck with your head?

Jason: like did i forget and run into doorframes a fuck ton-?

Dick: -yeah, like what was it like?

Jason: *hums consideringly*

Jason: kinda like. what i imagine the hulk had to go through. like i was just suddenly real big and real strong.

Dick: was it cool?

Jason: parts of it were cool, parts of it- *wheeze* parts of it were fucking fantastic.

Dick, very amused: ok now- wait hold on- don't you give me that fucking look-

Jason: *laughing*

Dick: -alright. brother to brother, i feel like we're close enough with each other to discuss this as mature adults. but i have to ask,

Jason, audibly grinning: -oh, i'm proportionate.

Dick: *bursts out laughing* that- that must have been fucking wild-

Jason: IT WAS- it was- *breathy laugh* it sure was something-!

Dick: how long after you came out the pit did you notice?

Jason: how long- dude, instantly!

Dick: *laughing*

Jason: i was out that pit like that fuckin' tiktok audio, just 'woah woah, wait, where my dick at?!'

Dick: *laughing louder*

Jason: just climbing out, barely conscious, in the back of my mind like 'did they tie a weight between my legs or something because this shit ain't normal, why's it heavy'

Dick, crying: why's it heavy-!

Jason: i will say in all honesty i kinda forgot about it for a while.

Dick: how do you forget?

Jason: i dunno, just kinda doing my thing. mentally i was still like, fifteen, so as much as my cock did interest me, once Talia gave me a shiny sword i was like 'ooooh' and instantly stopped thinking about it.

Dick: was there not any like, mechanical issues?

Jason: mechanical- like, did it work? yes, dude, it fuckin' worked?

Dick: well i don't know i just feel like- it's probably like getting a new phone, right? like they're all pretty similar but when you transfer over to a new model there's an adjustment period?

Jason: OH- ok yeah, no, i get you. no there was definitely an- *slight wheeze* there was an adjustment period.

Dick: *starting to laugh* i don't even know if i want to ask,

Jason: *wheeze* well it was- like i said i forgot for a while, right? so the first time i slept with somebody,

Dick: *cackling* no, littlewing what did you do?

Jason: no i think i just ruined the mood a little bit in the beginning, because like- like it was just as much a surprise to me as it was to her, right?

Dick: *cackling even louder*

Jason: so she was- *wheeze* she was fuckin'- *high pitched, breathy* she was below me as i got it out, and she went 'oh wow, it's so big', and my fuckin' stupid ass was just- wide-eyed looking at it like 'jesus fucking christ it is isn't it?!'

Dick, choking: i can't- i'm fucking crying-

Jason: *half-silent wheezes*

Dick, slightly delirious: but didn't you ever, like, try it out alone beforehand?!

Jason: WELL I-

Damian: OH MY FUCKING GOD. S T O P.

Jason and Dick: *cut off chokes*

Damian: MAY I FUCKING REMIND YOU, that BOTH i AND Batman are on this line tonight!

Jason, slightly muffled: *shocked laugh* oh my god, B-?

Damian: he's been staring blankly into a gutter since Nightwing first mentioned genitalia.

Dick, high pitched through hitched breaths as Jason starts cackling in the background: yeah that's- that's our bad, B. Sorry about that.

Damian: i feel like i also deserve an apology.

Jason: *cackling louder*

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*scrolling tumblr* hmmm. i agree with the sentiment of this post, but the phrasing feels off to me. it doesn’t really have that Reblog factor, you know? *scrolls* oh good, a post that just says “i jerk off till my penis scrweam” . i better reblog this

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This the kind of shit you can only find on Tumblr

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Male writers writing female characters:

“Cassandra woke up to the rays of the sun streaming through the slats on her blinds, cascading over her naked chest. She stretched, her breasts lifting with her arms as she greeted the sun. She rolled out of bed and put on a shirt, her nipples prominently showing through the thin fabric. She breasted boobily to the stairs, and titted downwards.”