just-a-dude-on-the-internet

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Where does a mansplainer get his water?

From a well, actually.

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fuck it *unpisses on your moon*

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night sluts

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i go absolutely ape shit buck wild when people ask me if i want to run errands with them like Let’s Fucking Go. and my mind absolutely maxes out of dopamine when they ask if i wanna stop for coffee. and if someone took me to the park id go bonkers in funcking yonkers

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verizon trying to sell tumblr is like a white middle class family in a horror film trying desperately to sell off their demon infested property in the hopes that the curse will transfer onto someone else

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fingerless gloves add warmth but let you feel the earth perfect for goblin hands

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The zipper on my pants made a weird lump when I sat down, and Bre’s son pointed at it, turned to her, and very matter-of-factly said, “That’s his nutsack.”

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Ok but how to water colour op?

Goblin ⭐️

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I see those Human Brain/Monkey Brain posts and I identify with them to a degree but sometimes I think my instincts are decidely more… ursine.

Human Brain: Oof, seasonal depression is really hitting me this year. Bear Brain: MUST CONSUME FIVE TIMES MY MASS IN SEAFOOD AND/OR SMALL ARTHROPODS

Human Brain: Ugh, the holidays are really stressful. Bear Brain: WHY ARE WE EVEN AWAKE RIGHT NOW WE SHOULD BE BARELY METABOLIZING IN A HOLE SOMEWHERE.  GO BACK TO BED.

Human Brain: oh look my package came i should find the scissors- Bear Brain: TEAR INTO IT WITH YOUR CLAWS THAT YOU TOTALLY HAVE.

Human Brain: oh hey! it’s springtime and the bees are out again! Bear Brain: TEAR OPEN A MOTHERFUCKING BEEHIVE IT’S FUCKIN’  H O N E Y T I M E

Human Brain: oh!  the cat has startled me by jumping on my shoulder! Bear Brain: SLAP THE SURPRISE.  SLAP IT RIGHT ACROSS THE KITCHEN WITH YOUR MIGHTY PAWS AND SHOW HIM WHO’S BOSS. Human Brain: THAT’S THE KITTY NOOOOOOO!!!!

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when my mutuals address me by my name i ascend to another plane of existence. i’m like………..wow………i really exist as a human with a name in your mind………that is an honour above all honours……

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99.9% of the people on this website are stupid

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what if you die and go to heaven, but god says:

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In Miles Universe

Its Decembruary

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everyone who reads this post will get some big spicy joy within 24 large minutes (hours)

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Stranger: better stay on that side of the street mf 😤👊 I’ll knock you out

Gerard: