just-ajester

[just-ajester]

Entry 2.2.2

It's been over two years ever since I last felt healthy, since I've been healthy. I am heavily considering going to the doctor's and forcing him to prescribe me every test under the sun because I'm sick and tired of always feeling like shit and having a barely functional immune system. I kinda wish my parents took my worries seriously as well. I genuinely don't know how they can witness their daughter's health degrade over two years and just not take it seriously but hey, maybe I am over reacting after all.

On a much nicer note, I met up with friends yesterday, the mental illness is more than prevalent than ever but this is their last stretch so yippee!!!!

I am now watching something on basilisk/basilisk 2000 which is a 1000% giving myhouse.wad energy but like without the LGBT and with domestic terrorism instead. I know works shouldn't be compared but we have two works working with very similar mecanics, something i didn't expect in the slightest considering how much more digging you need to do on basilisk 2000 to get the slightest information out, it seems to require so much less digging but at the same time, I suppose I would have never found anything in either situations so thank you youtube for bringing us info on all of those fascinating mysteries.

I'm thinking of starting a list of projects I'd love to work on. On things I'd love to do with my life, just to keep track of dreams of mine, I guess? A series of things I'd try to do if I ever end up going off track. Maybe if I ever get the strength to step a foot out of bounds. Maybe I'll post them here in the shape of moodboards? We'll see. My friend is trying to get me into manifestation but I also just cannot bring myself to believe in that stuff. But then again I guess, we can never really know what will happen.

But anyway, that's it for this update. See you next time :)

[just-ajester]

Guide for the entries:

type of degree i'm getting:semesrer in said degree:number of entry in that semester

entry 2.2.1

entry 2.2.2

hi! if you just landed here, welcome!!! here is a little about me and my blog:

this is going to be basically my digital diary. i've been meaning to try this out for a while and hopefully this medium will allow me to express myself through thoughts, essays, pictures etc in ways i haven't managed to before!

i've been known as a few names over the years on the internet, mostly by one but since i'm trying to stay anonymous but more so my real self so for simplicity's sake you can call me j. i'm a 19 year old process and chemical engineering student going through it be it because of school, personal life and just navigating the world as a young adult (the usual). so yeah, buckle in for snippets of my silly life amidst mental breakdowns, bouts of uncontrolable laughter and the overarching threat of deadlines and dealing with mortal inadequacy <3

[just-ajester]

Entry 2.2.1

Soooooo...

Yeah I kinda failed the "use this often" close on my self made contract here but oh well, no one's perfect and energy isn't a god given right if I am to believe my personal experience.

But here I am, procrastinating on a biochem lab report and my two labmates are not helping me out on that front offering to do it tomorrow morning (this is due in tomorrow in general) so yikes. Not to mention that I still have to get over Kimi not being able to finish his first home race and Oscar being fucked over (okay maybe for the first time in a few races BUT COME ON LANDO DIDN'T DESERVE THAT). On a positive note, Isack did score points (even though again, he didn't go get more which disappointing but he's too pookie for me to care about that part).

F1 digression aside, life has been... confusing? I'm 76% sure one of my closest guy friend is into me and I have no clue whether I could be into him which is a whole can of worms. Especially since I'm half worried that if I turn him down one of our classmates will actually jump him and, as much as I trust him, he remains a man. For context: I'm hoping he won't for the safety of the girl, she has been fucked over by too many men in her life and is still actively chasing a very toxic situationship and he's also emotionally unstable and I definitely do not want two of my friends to mutually self destruct. I'm all for sexual liberation, but seeking sexual relationships as a means to cope with a lack of affection and trauma isn't the best idea when done unhealthily and unfortunately, it's all too often unhealthy when cis men are involved.

But maybe it's also my deep hatred for men speaking. It's definitely something I have to work on according to people in my life but I'd like to argue that the dismissal of the legitimity behind said hatred I get from men is all the more fuel to the flame. But again, hypocrisy seems to paint an overlay on too many canvases in the museum of my life so is it really shocking... especially, yet again, coming from men.

On the bright side, I have finally somewhat slept and went on a hike yesterday. So despite the abysmal pit of nothingness in my bank account (curse you price of fuel), I shall reminisce the good times.

Anyway, I have to write some more of that lab and maybe go for a small walk, see you next time!

[just-ajester]

qna

i just thought i'd answer a few questions found here to get started here

whats your name and pronouns?

j and she/her (but honestly any pronouns can work

how did you come up with your username?

it just happened AND THEN I LEARNT OTHERS HAD THE GREAT IDEA so i kinda tried until i got one that wasn't taken. but yes, i am a clown

do you consider yourself smart?

i don't think i'm necessarily smart but i've been told i am? i don't think i'm dumb either

do you have any quotes that speak to you? If so, which one?

any pete wentz lyrics lowkey, that and "carpe diem, seize the day" (i am unfortunately a thought daughter with a penchant for dps)

what do you picture your life like at the end of 2025?

more stable, happier

which musicians have you been super into lately?

i've been more and more into fleetwood mac, beatles, led zep and pink floyd recentky but also getting back into my emo shit (fob, ptv, paramore and isles and glaciers most specifically)

[just-ajester]

hi! if you just landed here, welcome!!! here is a little about me and my blog:

this is going to be basically my digital diary. i've been meaning to try this out for a while and hopefully this medium will allow me to express myself through thoughts, essays, pictures etc in ways i haven't managed to before!

i've been known as a few names over the years on the internet, mostly by one but since i'm trying to stay anonymous but more so my real self so for simplicity's sake you can call me j. i'm a 19 year old process and chemical engineering student going through it be it because of school, personal life and just navigating the world as a young adult (the usual). so yeah, buckle in for snippets of my silly life amidst mental breakdowns, bouts of uncontrolable laughter and the overarching threat of deadlines and dealing with mortal inadequacy <3