justanotherdepressingbeing

[justanotherdepressingbeing]

To: my significant other.

I am tired of your family dictating wether or not you’re being a responsible “adult” and always putting pressure on you to accomplish things that you do not yet feel ready for. I especially don’t like that they have implanted into your head that you need to be their idea on what being an “adult” is.

There isn’t only one way to go about becoming an adult and I hate people that criticize others who are going through adulthood at their own pace and in their own way, they only criticize because they are frustrated that others are not going through the same hardships that they themselves had gone through and that makes them feel bitter towards anyone who is not ‘growing up’ the same way that they did.

[justanotherdepressingbeing]

I’m such an awful boyfriend, my girlfriend does a lot for me and she gets little in return and that’s so fucked up. When I try to do something for her she rejects it saying that there’s no thought put into it because the only reason I did it is because she told me that she’s not getting the same treatment that she’s given me.

She just wants to know that she’s loved and cared for, but I feel like I’m doing a horrible job in showing that to her.

[justanotherdepressingbeing]

She makes me want to split open my head, I try to help her but then she just gets upset and starts calling herself down and it pisses me off. I love her to pieces but she’s so confusing all of the time.

[justanotherdepressingbeing]

What the hell is wrong with me, I’m so shit at being a boyfriend and now my girlfriend says that she wants to be with someone else that can support her and give her what she wants. I understand why she feels that way I’m just disappointed at who I am.

[justanotherdepressingbeing]

Why do I hurt in my own skin, I wouldn’t go through with cutting my skin, yet, I would smash my head against cement flooring and wooden walls without a second thought in hopes that I forget who I am and what I’ve done.

[justanotherdepressingbeing]

Why does she always resort to deleting all of her social media, and also why does she always hang up on me when she gets irritated that I have to ask her to repeat what she said because either her microphone is too quiet or the connection quality for audio is poor.

[justanotherdepressingbeing]

Rainy days used to be a sacred time to relax and reflect on life but now they fill my heart with sorrow, there are many things that could go wrong in life and they just seem to happen to me again and again throughout time.

Some people would say that’s just a part of life, but I keep getting overwhelmed with the amount of stuff that I go through daily as a boyfriend, a son, an indigenous person with pale skin, and trying to be a good friend.

[justanotherdepressingbeing]

Sure, people will always tell me I’m a good person but deep down I don’t feel like a good person. I will occasionally tell lies if it means that I can walk away with my ‘good’ image intact, and I have hurt many people whom I love or care for and yet they still tell me I’m a good person, I will never understand what they see in me that I know cannot be true.

If you say that you love someone and then hurt them physically and or emotionally, do you truly love them? Can a love even exist between the two of you even after you’ve hurt them in some way? These are the questions that have plagued me for three years in my relationship and I can say that we do love each other but there is a lot of emotional termoil between us.