justasadboi
Trigger Warning
This is just a place to post my rants and sad shit They/them 21
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I don’t think I’m tall enough for this ride (life)
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omg we are both fucked in the head wanna make out
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would you still love me if I was an alcoholic like your father
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They should invent a liking someone that isn't agonizing
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I have like no juice left. A horrible fucking headache. I didn’t sleep till like 5 and then woke up at like 10:30 and then again at like 2ish. My mom called me waking me up being like do stuff and I was like yeah then went back to sleep. Then I had to wake up to go help pick up the last of the shit from the old house and it took forreverrrr. And like I had a dream about my uncle last night and I’m like fucked up from it cause I’ve been having dreams again and they aren’t fucking good. Like I had one drink and felt it and didn’t like see shit but now I don’t have that and I’m like wow okay cool guess l spend my night seeing shadow people before I sleep. And I have my like job interview but not really type thing tomorrow and I’m so nervous about it I could puke. But like there is a liquor store like right there so I’ll do that before coming home ig. If I end up unemployed I will end up killing myself but like probably failing and then back with my mom so like yayayayaya
#bpd#having a hard time#really fucking mad again#like so fucking mad I’m gonna hit stuff again#and I feel like I’m gonna throw up pass out die#but I know I won’t so it’s like sad face
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I got my juice in in bed. In a basement where it’s so cold im under like five blankets rn but it’s fine. I really wonder why people act the way they do ya know I feel like everyone would be so much happier if we just like said what we mean. Like I could totally text a few people and be like hey bitch I love you or care about you but like society has this like rule where if y’all don’t talk anymore than doing that is like super weird but like I still have a place in my heart for many people. They aren’t all great people but I feel like they should know that I still think about them and care even tho when they texted me like three years ago I didn’t reply. Or like after that fight I never reached out and was like im sorry I still love you. Or like it’s literally been like a fucking decade almost since we’ve spoken or seen each other but like I still think of you and ur kids ya know. Im a sentimental person and idk why that has to be such a bad thing ya know. Im full of lore. And maybe some people don’t deserve that love but like that’s not my fault it’s still there I can’t control my metaphorical heart
#bpd#maybe I’m just like weird for this idk#maybe I just have no one to vent to about this shit so it’s taking over my brain#but like I got a lil buzzed tonight and I’m sleepy and not seeing things#maybe I should do this more often#cause the sleeping meds don’t help anymore#like nothing helps anymore#and I wanna run away but I fucking hate my home state#and I’d kinda rather die than go back and start over#cause I don’t wanna start over#I just wanna be happy#but like if I ever moved back home I got a list of peopel to dm#and it’ll get fucking weird#but like if I’m already fucked may as well get more ducked ya know
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Why tf is one buzzball like as much as it is. I still have to get my nightly juice and it’s not even gone and I’m like how do I walk upstairs now wtf
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Smoked a cigarette and thought of you <3
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Having BPD is like you are a 3 years old, but with steroids.
This is how I see myself rn 🥲
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wdym you don't check my tumblr, do u even care about me????
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