justaskjuli-blog - Tumblr blog

[justaskjuli-blog]

I think one of my teachers is actually a reptilian shape-shifter. How can I know for sure?

Come to the newspaper club after hours. The reptilian surveillance team cna help you.

STAY SAFE

[justaskjuli-blog]

What's the right age to start teaching my dog about sex?

Right around the same time he starts sniffing other dogs’ butts

XOXO

[justaskjuli-blog]

I've got an asshole of a roommate, and I need some good pranks to play on him. Do you have any good ones that are great, but won't get me suspended/expelled.

Mm, I prefer getting steamy to getting even, I’m not the one to go to for pranks love.

If you go to shipyourenemiesglitter.com, you can anonymously send glitter bombs? I just do not know, love.

XOXO❤

[justaskjuli-blog]

What do I do if I fall and I can't get up?

You suffer

LIFE ALERT AD ❤

[justaskjuli-blog]

According to all known laws
of aviation, there is no way a bee
should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get
its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don’t care
what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow!
Let’s shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry?
- Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening?
- I can’t. I’ll pick you up. Loo

I’d say the budget doesn’t allow for “questions” this long to be printed, but i don’t know and also I don’t really care so

I’ll pay someone to monologue the whole script to Illuminata

XOXO❤

[justaskjuli-blog]

Does spider have pusspuss?

I don’t believe so

XOXO❤

[justaskjuli-blog]

How do I get spaghetti stains out of my underwear?

Just stain the rest of it, no one will ever tell unless they start to smell.

XOXO❤

[justaskjuli-blog]

How do I gently inform someone that aren't getting paid for putting up with the school's antics?

Hm, well. Step one is reconsider ;) If monetary payment is out of the question, one might accept payment in the form of their… less than stellar class attendance being excused~

Step two, break it to him (heavens, I’ve NO idea who this might be about), the same way you’d break anything to a guy. 

Get your heart stomping boots on

HEARTBROKEN❤

[justaskjuli-blog]

Help I swallowed a whole ice cube and haven't pooped it out. Am I going to die?

I recommend seeing the nurse! This is almost as serious as the problem of our dear, dear friend Toastu Slutu. Please seek help immediately.

XOXO ❤

[justaskjuli-blog]

Do guys like it when they're called "Daddy?"

Depends on the guy. Other prefer “master”.

Then again, they might prefer to call you Mistress~

XOXO❤

[justaskjuli-blog]

My husband and I are both white, but our baby looks black... do you think he cheated?

You’d think staff would understand these things, but alas...

XOXO ❤

[justaskjuli-blog]

Where is the best place to hide a body?

I’m pretty dead bodies have been mistaken for Halloween decorations before so. Wait to kill them until October and then just prop them up on the school lawn.

This doesn’t make me an accomplice, does it?

XOXO ❤

[justaskjuli-blog]

Is it possible for me to get my hamster pregnant?

reaLITY IS AN ILLUSION, EARTH IS A HOLOGRAM, BUY BOLD BYE

XOXO ❤

[justaskjuli-blog]

Can I have your number?

202-555-0109, no soliciting

XOXO ❤

[justaskjuli-blog]

Why did she leave me?

I’ll answer this question with one of my own:

Did you try foreplay?

XOXO ❤

[justaskjuli-blog]

Where can I buy cheap vaseline? Every sunday, I like to cover myself in the stuff and pretend I'm a slug, but I go through five jars every week. Any suggestions?

Realty’s an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold bye

Wake Me Up Inside ❤

[justaskjuli-blog]

How can I tell if my turtle is gay?

Buy another male turtle, have him ask the first turtle to make out. It's the only sure fire way in my experience, love.

XOXO ❤