justcallmemiui

[justcallmemiui]

Just wanna talk

Ok so just a disclaimer before I start: I didn’t do a deep research before writing this, not because I want so peeve people off but because it’s my “ personal opinion” and I don’t mean by that, that you have to agree or disagree with me but just to think about it.

I’m a bit nervous to talk about this now but one of the topics I wanted to talk about is.. sexuality in connection with the LGBTQ- community.

So first of all I want to let something out. I respect everyone who is sure about their sexuality. I support everyone despite their sexuality. But there is sometimes a weird feeling in me, that I can’t explain. According to the definitions I found online, I should consider myself as Pansexual. I do consider myself as that, if that is the way how people will know my sexual interests and attractions just by hearing my sexuality. One problem is sometimes I’m not sure if it’s ok to call myself that. The way I first found out about pansexuality, was when I googled about a term that described the way I felt or I thought I felt. I want to be able to love anyone. I don’t care about the physical form that person will take, as long as they love me for who I am and understand me.

So now to my “problem”. I have a lot of straight and gay friends. I like them all. But the feeling I get everytime when we start to have a conversation about sexuality is so weird I literally can’t describe it. When they say “I’m gay” or “I’m straight” it kind of feels like I’m getting a shot through my heart. I feel empty for a moment and I sink into my thoughts. It’s as if I had a super short crush on them and suddenly they set a barrier. It’s not like I can have a “love” relationship with all of them, but I kind of wish that they all should consider themselves as Pansexual. Everyone should be Pansexual, because the love of your life, your soulmate or just a really good friend could have any kind of form (male/female). But I’m not trying to say that sexuality is something you choose and I’m not saying that you all should be Pansexual from today on, but I want you to think again if your interest is only towards a specific gender or a specific type of person or maybe more than that. Hold your heart open for any kind of potential “love” interested person. I’m also not trying to say that everyone is looking for a love interest or any kind of relationship bond, that is just my current state.

Another thing I want to talk about but I’m gonna cut it really short and come straight to the point. Gender. I say biologically there are only two genders, female and male. If you feel more girly or boyish that’s probably your sex. Blaire White did a video about “ there are only 2 genders” and I know it like 3 years old but it’s almost exactly the same way I view genders so you might wanna check it out if you haven’t already.

Again please don’t feel offended by anything I said. I’m still a baby and have a lot to learn but if you get offended please just ignore me and don’t start any kind of argument that is probably going to end bad. But feel free to share your opinions (if there is even one person that’s going to read this)

Also sorry for my grammar lol.

[justcallmemiui]

Just wanna talk about things..

Hey, this is my first post. I uhhh.... I really don’t know how to properly introduce myself or how to start my first post, so I’ll just cut to the chase. I am planning to to just write down my thoughts and worries on tumblr, just like a diary, but so that people might or hopefully can read it and relate or understand me. Ok...... so this is a random topic. 4 days ago I got a video recommended, that had to do with North Korea. It was about refugees and their stories of escaping. After that I got interested and searched up more of that kind of videos and it hit me emotionally. Since then there doesn’t go a day by where I’m not thinking about those people, but not just in North Korea. I think that in a lot of countries or states, if not in all, there are people in misery. People who are imagining what other people are doing whose life is better. They are thinking “why is my life so bad, why does that have to happen to me”. They experience emotion on daily basis like fear, anxiety, extreme sadnesse and pain, even though it could be prevented. Why are we all happy and smiling when people in f. E. Africa are dying. Of what?? Famine! Uhm hello we live in the 21st century, can we finally start doing something. Yes! And we don’t do anything, like as if our governments are gonna do everything. It is actually their job. We gave our faith, future, hope and dreams, our trust and the responsibility of having such an important duty in their hands, but sometimes it seems as if they just ignore the people, which is wrong to do in a democratic and republican state according to their definition, and abuse their power. Different topic. When I went to school, I was under a lot of pressure (especially in high school), I thought to myself, why does it have to be that way. Why do I have to damage my mental health just to follow a system that other humans have set up, that is by the way a total shitty system if you ask me ( at least in my country). But like for real. I often hear how people complain about getting older or are sad about growing up, because the good days are over, basically the childhood. Why does it have to be that way. I thought live was great. I thought it will only get better and problems would go away, because getting older means being more like an adult, who are better in everything. But it didn’t get better. It just got worse and Im gonna talk openly about it. I had depression. I had it for about 2 years. I had it in an age where I should have been enjoying myself. But it was so horrible. It was weird. I feelt alone. I knew people where there, but even if they stood next to me, it felt like they where far away. I remember the world being dark and I don’t know why but it was also blue. If I think about it know I see the similarities to the ocean. My world was like I was drowning in the sea. And one thing I remember clearly is that I wanted it to stop but like really to stop. Well I should stop her for today. I’m sorry if I change the subjects so sudden. Everything I write is coming right out of my mind. Sorry if my writing style is also confusing to follow. If I made mistakes as in grammar or logical sense, please comment it. Also if you read until her, you might be one of the people I’m looking for. People who are in a way kind of like me. Also I’m sorry if I came over as aggressive or rude in my entry, you never know. Good night!!! <3