justcheerios - Tumblr blog

[justcheerios]

9/28/23

back down to 145-6 so im feeling better about that but i know i can do more.

im starting to daydream more about stomach/muffin top lipo i just have no idea how im supposed to fund that. sigh.

[justcheerios]

9/12/2023

well, hi. im transferring blogs from my main (the waterparks account) onto this one and clicked here to see what exactly was on here. wow.

im in the mid-140s now. probably high 140s.

i got to 141 while em was visiting (i went from 148 to 141 in three months with a LOT of fasting and was super, super proud of myself) and hit 139 a day or two after she left. after that i relaxed a bunch and im usually around 146-8 again. i feel like that's too big. my thighs and stomach and upper arms feel massive.

i keep looking into liposuction but its just not realistic when i dont know what my money situation will be. my internship ends at the very beginning of december. i wanna buy a glucometer so i can check periodically for prediabetes cause i still sometimes get random bruises that make me paranoid. its not as much as it used to be when i worked at edp but they still show up sometimes.

im back on the crepe train and i have been for the last sixteen months. but ive been eating salads instead of other foods so i guess thats probably good. i still fluctuate constantly. i daydream about going to work out again but with my job it hasnt really been possible. im hoping that when i get settled with a job ill be able to join a ymca or maybe a gym with classes and a pool so i can do like. walking, yoga, swimming. maybe a light weight class if im feeling really insane.

id love to get my stomach under control. its not to the point where i hate it - it feels like it always does. i poke and pull and squeeze it but it doesnt affect my life. and i worry that if i do get stomach lipo that my stomach and arms will look weird and then ill want a breast reduction. and then i wonder where the fat will accumulate. because it has to go other places. so. i think i just need to try to lose what i can on my own.

two more details i forgot to add: since it's been like 100 something degrees, i havent had many dog walks, so my steps have been waaayyyyyyy down. and i ate a bunch of candy the last two days lol ughhhh. i bought some of those halloween pumpkin candies i like.

yeah, fuck - i just weighed in at 148.1. ive gotta get this back down at least a little bit!! even 5 pounds off would feel a lot better than this.

i wanna get my arms toned. i want my calves to be toned again and lose some thigh fat. i wanna lose the muffin top. ive just gotta stick to it again. once i get in the habit, im fine! and i feel proud of myself every time. why do i keep stopping??

[justcheerios]

Polaroid of Kaia Gerber

[justcheerios]

5/15/2021

six months later i still cant see any noticeable loss even though im down 9 more pounds. 

i still think its because its happening so slowly. but it does kind of suck. i expected medium t-shirts to fit by now, but they feel a little tight. that may just be bc the large t-shirts got bigger on me and im not used to it. they do look right and good. they just dont feel right on the back of my shoulders. maybe i’m still extra fat up there. 

11/21/2020

156.6 today :)

i typed 65 but that’s wrong! i’ve lost all that???? wtf!

i hope i can fucking hold on to this. i have no plans to start eating a lot again but im worried it’ll happen when i move ://// i just need to behave.

also… i used to weigh 181 and i look in the mirror and i look exactly the same to myself. 25 pounds and i can’t see any loss. i can see it in pictures but not when i look at myself. i guess it’s happened really slowly, though.

[justcheerios]

5/15/2021

we went on a tn visit in the beginning of march and i went up to 152. it took forever to get it off, but as of may 13, the scale’s down to 146.8, .6, .4. i’m really excited. i know it’s slow progress, but it’s still progress. 

i stopped the crepes a while back and switched to little caesar’s pizza. it’s expensive, so i was happy to switch to annie’s macaroni. which is still expensive, but it’s cheaper than the pizza. $1 a day exactly for the main meal and 800 calories. then i’m doing baby food (prune+apple) which is 80 calories and publix m&m chocolate chip cookies. i’ve been doing the baby food and the cookies since the pizza thing. the cookies are a lot - i think 220 calories each, and i usually eat 4 or so a day. yikes. 1600-1700 calories?? i could cut down and lose, but i’m still losing. slowly, but i am. 

i’ve been getting really good at fasting, too. every week for the last month, i’ve fasted 23-24 hours at least one day. yesterday i made it 25 hours! i think at some point i’m going to try to skip a meal and eat the next morning (/afternoon??), but i haven’t gotten there yet. 

but yeah, my goal weights were 159, 155, 149, and now 145. it might take me a bit, but i’m so close! 

i want to add a mini v8 and start reducing my cookies. i probably should set aside what i want to allow myself to have and then put the box away instead of eating out of the open box until i don’t want anymore. maybe i’ll start having 3. 

i can do this. 

my LW in high school was 131.5. i know i can do that again. i just remember being a freshman and weighing 149 or 145 (cant remember which) at a check-up and dr h telling me i should lose 5 pounds. well, look at me now - i gained a bunch, and now i’ve lost 35. 

just gotta keep this up when i move. i have a feeling this blog might be shifting to my main acct. 

going to take measurements tomorrow when i wake up. l8r.

[justcheerios]

02/03/2021

149.9 on monday

149.3 today!!!!!!! fuuuuuuck!!! :)

still just doing crepes once a day. walking less bc its cold af but restarted fiber vitamins (at night, not during the day) and i think they made a difference. also, im eating fewer crepes? i dont finish them every time anymore and i think that helps. i just eat slower cause im doing RP stuff and it distracts me and i stop feeling hungry. hmm.

i can’t believe i’m technically at a healthy weight!!!!!!

ALSO. the eating disorder shorts fit. the ones with the three buttons that i used to wear at berry all the time. i almost cried haha.

[justcheerios]

12/22/2020

only been eating dinner every day for weeks and weeks. i used to weigh 181. then i got stopped around 172 and again at 164-165. now im at 151. holy eff.

i want so badly to keep all of this off. part of me knows that if i start eating again, a lot of it will come back. but i’m hoping that i can keep this up. i have my fiber gummies for “lunch” if i get hungry (i take 3 at a time, so that’s 15 calories), and i feel like i earn my crepe dinner. which i don’t always even finish!

ive been taking a daily multivitamin and medicine for my acne, and two of my toes got messed up, but they're heading in the right direction. also, we got leah in october, and we’ve been walking her almost every day. it’s getting so cold now... today it wasn’t that bad, but the sun was down, so it felt freezing. we went to the farm park and we only stayed for 15 minutes because mommy didn’t have her parka and she wanted to go home.

i’m back in rp - this time in a HUGE group. ironically, i don’t think i would have joined if i knew it was going to become this big, but i’m glad i’m in it. i have my little circle, and it’s been good. it’s also turned me into a massive mgk fan. we stan colson. we do not stan aws’ bf mason. lol. im sure he doesn’t stan me (jawn) either.

what else, um... it’s almost christmas and i seriously only have 3 presents total. i don’t know what i’m supposed to be doing. it’s covid, so i can’t really shop in a store, and everything is weird and stressful, and no one wants anything.

evermore came out last week (i think? maybe two weeks ago?) and i love it. i decided today that yeah, i like it better than folklore. some of the stuff on folklore really dragged for me and i feel like it has a billion skips. i don’t feel like that at all even with most of the slower songs on this album. i saw a tweet along the lines of, folklore is a better album, but evermore is a better taylor swift album and i kind of agree with that. i wonder what i’ll think about this when i read it in the future.

[justcheerios]

11/21/2020

156.6 today :)

i typed 65 but that’s wrong! i’ve lost all that???? wtf!

i hope i can fucking hold on to this. i have no plans to start eating a lot again but im worried it’ll happen when i move ://// i just need to behave.

also... i used to weigh 181 and i look in the mirror and i look exactly the same to myself. 25 pounds and i can’t see any loss. i can see it in pictures but not when i look at myself. i guess it’s happened really slowly, though.

[justcheerios]

11/18/2020

ive been losing weight without trying super hard. i eat crepes once a day (the last three or four days i haven’t finished them) and we’ve been walking leah almost every day, and i take my vitamin every night. i need to keep walking i guess. and taking vitamins.

first time in my life... i didn’t eat all day today. holy fuck. 

i hope no one notices.

let me run and weigh myself before i get in the shower. 158.1

is it weird that i never see a change in my body? people say you’re supposed to notice 5 pounds. i’m at almost 10 and i see nothing different.

total: 0

:))))

[justcheerios]

10/03/2020

scale said 165.1 this morning. we’re getting there.

[justcheerios]

9/29/2020

according to the scale, i lost half a pound since yesterday. 166.2. been KILLING the one meal a day thing. ive only eaten lunch one time since i started all this, and it was bc i was at z’s house. today is day 9 and i haven’t lost hardly anything :(( like, at all. i don’t know if it’s the scale or if it’s me, but... idk.

i’m not eating that much! you know?? my bmr is 1500 and i guess since i ran out of apple juice a few days ago i’ve been around 1200 a day. 850ish + however much nutella i eat and maybe + some cheese.

well that makes sense. i guess i’ll be losing slower than i thought ://///

i could just eat less but no. i want to be able to eat what i want.

does my vitamin have calories?? i can’t tell.

[justcheerios]

calculating the crepe calories rn to see if they match what the recipe said

2 eggs - 147 cals

1/2 milk - 51 cals

1/2 cup water - 0 cals

1/8 tsp salt - 0 cals

1 cup flour (and a lil extra) - 460 cals

2 tbsp butter - 204 cals

total: 862

WHAT

i gotta quit the nutella way earlier!!!!!!!!

fuck!!!!

[justcheerios]

09/27/2020

scale said 169.something this morning and i reset it and stepped on it again and it said the same thing and i was MAD because ive only been eating once a day!!! how is it possible that i gained?! so i turned it off, reset it, and got back on again, and it said 166.7.

i know it’s not a big difference but to me it’s a lot. 169.something is basically 170. and one could argue that 166.7 is almost 170, but i feels more “mid-160s” than “basically 170” to me, you know?

anyway. thinking about how before i used to think awsten would be frustrated with me for eating so much ice cream and now im thinking how he’d be waving his arms and yelling at me to eat something. it’s a nice change, although i feel bad for the little awsten in my head haha. i can never make him happy.

also ive still not been mb which is good i think. i don’t feel so gross about myself anymore.

---

it’s past 11pm and i haven’t done the work for dr. b yet. i have all my hw tomorrow plus z from 9-1. so i doubt dr. b’s stuff will get done tbh.

last night and tonight ive gone to bed hungry. my body wants more, and it sucks not being able to give it anything, but i know it’s worth it.

i ate less nutella with dinner but i have no way of measuring it without actually measuring it.

[justcheerios]

09/26/2020

supposed to be working on school but i cant focus

i woke up wanting macaroni and cheese so badly but im still kicking myself for having to eat at z’s yesterday. it was only 290 calories and i didnt have anything to drink (not even water lol) and i felt so sick... but i keep hating myself for it. if i’d been home and sitting in bed, i wouldn’t have been even a little bit hungry. what happened?

--

someone explain to me how, according to my scale, i gained more than 2 pounds since this morning. all ive done is sit in bed and have ONE SIP OF WATER. i didnt even take my vitamin!

[justcheerios]

09/25/2020

these pictures and videos of gracie are killing me. i keep thinking about her and about kay(la?) and how flat their stomachs are and how thin their arms and legs are. kay is like pretty because she’s really skinny but gracie is like skeleton skinny and i hope that her family is doing something about this and i think that modeling is probably really bad bc it’s reinforcing her eating. or lack thereof.

and here i am eating 1x per day for the last three days (minus the 290 calorie lunch i had today bc i was at z’s) because i want to look like them. i want to fucking look like gracie. i never will. but i want to. i lost 20 pounds before, and i can do it again. i can. i can fucking do it again.

i’ve been squishing my stomach around a lot more than usual and not posting videos of myself bc my thighs look so big, which i don’t usually do. i think i’m just stressed, but i might as well take advantage of it. it’s embarrassing being more comfortable in xl t-shirts than i was in l tshirts.  i keep thinking, i used to be 181! but 181 is only a 12 pound difference. at least that time it was because of my meds. this time it’s just because i’m fat.

i went up to 168-9 earlier this week, and it scared me. this afternoon, i was a high 165. i need to get back into the 150s asap. i have these interviews (potentially) coming and i don’t want them to turn me down because i’m fat. at least i cut my hair so that looks more “professional.” hopefully.

[justcheerios]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DguX8P5B6LQ

[justcheerios]

08/31/2020

a box of zebra cakes is 1650 calories. i ate two boxes of these over about a week while not changing other parts of my food intake at all. that’s 3300 calories.

i did this while also eating giant bags of m&ms. mini m&ms and pretzel m&ms.

no wonder i gained lol. it’s like 3 pounds but still. i step on the scale, and if it’s not aligned right on the tile, it tells me ive crossed back into the 170s, so that’s scary. i’m in the high 160s rn :( fuuuuuuuck. i am so fat.

and tonight we’re supposed to have “tacos” which means i’m supposed to eat a burrito and i don’t want it. might honestly just sit at the table and then make crepes after. am i a huge bitch????? i wanted to be making the crepes like right now. or an hour ago and eat them right now. this is so annoying. if i just eat the burrito i’ll feel better about the calories but it’s not what i want at all.