justdagmar

[justdagmar]

‘Final’ post #15-06-2020

Today i will hand in my report on this project, and with that I will also probably not use this blog anymore. I found this project to be fun, but more hard work than previous projects. I also am still not finished with my book, so I will continue the project itself for the foreseeable future.

[justdagmar]

First feedback and internship report #20-05-2020

Last week I had a feedback session with Deanna, an extra supervisor for this last part of my project provided by school to help me a bit more. As I said, I still have my own two external supervisors helping me along the way as well. The feedback session was interesting, it was more focussed on why I am making this book, and what kind of research I had done, and still needed to do. I get the questions coming from an outsider, who has not been part of this project for the past 3 months that I have been working on it. but it was a bit hard for me to think back on the moments I did research, and what my ‘research question’ for this project really is. I feel like it’s multiple things at once, but I haven’t really tried putting it down as a single question or focus before. For this week I want to focus more on that (I missed the feedback moment due to some sloppy e-mail reading/sickness on my part), I want to begin outlining my internship report, and with doing that develop some kind of research question, or at least a ‘why’ for making this project. I’m not great in sitting and writing ‘serious’ documents so I hope I can take it easy and just write some paragraphs a day for now, in the end I will go back and make sense of it (I hope). 

The illustrations are on their way; I am over halfway done, but still need a cover and title for the book and figure out typography. I’ll focus more on that once the text is written and I can talk to Funs about that better (with having the right text/amount I can see more clearly what will work and what won’t).

I’m also reading a lot about stations opening back up at school so maybe I can also finally print something?? (or at least use my local library to print).

[justdagmar]

Desk update #24-04-2020

With recent changes in being able to work from school, library or any place really, I decided to buy an extra desktop so that i can work more efficiently. also because i like to watch movies or some sort of video’s in the background, this screen helps me getting of the couch and work at a proper desk. (which is of course nothing more than my living room table but it works.)

[justdagmar]

Sketchbook dump #23-04-2020

(photo’s of my sketchbook from the beginning of February until now)

[justdagmar]

First few pages #22-04-2020

I just had a e-mail from school with the guidelines as to what I am supposed to be doing. Basically they want me to continue this project, with the help of some extra teachers (I do not not yet know who exactly).

This post contains a few pages from the book as they are now, I decided to change the look of the page by making the illustrating be a more stand alone piece instead of filling up the entire page. It never feels right to slap text on top of a illustration, and this way they can live together on a page without being in each others way to much. Of course this meant I had to change a few illustrations composition-wise and that took a bit longer than planned.

I also like this way of putting illustrations on a page because I feel like there is space for thoughts and imagination between the illustrations. For kids to think for themselves between two illustrations that perhaps there is more to the story, that just because I drew a large shadow monster walking around in the night, it doesn’t mean that that is the only thing going on in that world. It leaves a literal open space for imagination to do it’s work, I would like to think that the illustrations serve as a guideline tot the story, the text are facts; things that happend, and the blank space on the pages are to be filled up by ourselves in order to really bring the story, the world it takes place in, to life.

These images are still ‘under construction’ meaning that I have to figure a way out to do test prints somewhere to figure out the degree of blackness, and text size amongst other things..

[justdagmar]

Snap back to reality  #11-04-2020

So a while has passed since i last wrote on here. The ongoing crisis all over the world has left me stressed out in ways i didn’t even know existed. My job has closed, so have any other side projects and my internship, where i was supposed to start last week has informed me that they will be closed until probably september, leaving me with seemingly no internship place at all.

So a lot of insecurity about this project, and about my internship period as a whole have been bubbling around in my brain. Suddenly drawing for a book doesn’t seem that useful anymore, i want to focus my energy on making sure i can pay rent, but since every job i had has been closed i can’t focus on that anymore. My internship guides have been there for support though, reaching them is somewhat difficult at times, since i often feel like i’m being annoying for e-mailing or texting a lot when asking for feedback or advice..

I have been drawing though, at least one drawing for this book a week, amongst other illustrations for myself, to help keep my mind of the fact that there is literally nothing else i can do at the moment.

[justdagmar]

Getting stuck #09-03-2020

Feeling a bit down and not motivated to work on this page in particular. I have found that in times like these it’s better for me to move on to other illustrations to get the excitement back again. Also a thing I struggle with is the lack of a good scanner at my house, so I have to travel back and forth to the academy if I want to finish a piece and that tends to make me go slower and stops me from being productive as much as I should be, or want to be at the moment.

[justdagmar]

story short version

when night falls, we meet a being who is all that we call darkness. there was a time that the darkness only belonged to him, in this story you’ll meet this being, who we shall call  SHADOWMAN

SHADOWMAN is the kind of being you seek when in need of help. What he does, you see, is give you the stories you need. the price you pay is one of great value, not to be taken lightly at all.

he uses his darkness to help us understand our own need for darkness, and gives us the tools we need to use and tame that darkness.

all the people knew of him, his living place in a cave far in the forest, people lined up by the thousands, in the hopes he will help them too

a mother once came to him, asking for help

‘i can’t tell my child she is dying’

‘cry not’, the SHADOWMAN told her, ‘for i have a solution.’

‘but you will have to pay me back when time comes’

he began illustrating his darkness before the woman, who was in awe off what the SHADOWMAN was able to do with his darkness.

with her new found knowledge and small amount of control of the darkness of the situation she returned to her child.

the story she told the child was one filled with darkness, but within that darkness laid the truth of the situation; the child could understand that they were dying, and did so shortly after the mother had used up the darkness given to her by the SHADOWMAN

it was only years later that the mother saw the SHADOWMAN again, on her deathbed, when he came to collect his part of the agreement.

all people had to give up their soul to the SHADOWMAN in ways of paying off their debt to him. When the people died, their hands die last, this is where their soul lives. the SHADOWMAN comes to collect the souls of the people by taking each of them by the hand and guiding them back to his cave, where he uses their souls to give meaning to his darkness, and fill his stories with love, understanding and compassion.

over the years, the SHADOWMAN has helped a lot of people, some more than once. Although he is still actively helping people, he noticed he himself has become less dark over the years of guiding souls. his darkness soon will not be enough to help everyone with their stories.

he does what seems best to him, he divides himself into a million little pieces of darkness, and gives every human a bit of himself. they can now learn to tell the dark stories themselves, and he will always be there when they need him.  

[justdagmar]

Things are rolling #25-02-2020

This week I did a lot, The story is finally clear to me, and thus I started some forms of illustration. Because this story deals with the idea of shadows and light I wanted to move away from my preferred medium, which are fineliners and ink, to something more suitable of creating moods and atmosphere. I also had my first meeting with Funs, the illustrator who helps me with this project. We talked about my ideas, about his opinions and made a plan off where to go from here. I noticed within myself that as soon as Funs and I had agreed up on a meeting date, I began working super hard and fast, so I told him that meeting about once a week would keep me working hard, and not let me slack as much.

For now I have to decide on a medium, probably watercolours and some graphic digital elements, and a publication form. I’ll have to think about the latter, because I want to have that sorted before making any more illustrations because they  might not fit my eventual choice of publication.

[justdagmar]

Story outline  #11-02-2020

I have decided on a story. This is very excited to me and I am pretty happy with it so far. The details (like the actual texts) still have to be created, but with this set-up I can start designing my characters and some thumbnails.

I’ll post the story so far beneath here, so I can see where i started when I’m done.

It’s still in bulletpoints, and only a set-up I can use to start illustrating, for the actual text I am going to have some contact with people who can help me write the actual thing. Like my ‘dance of the birds’ book I made in the summer, I used my mom (who is/was also a journalist) to help me write it like I wanted it to, this time I’ll ask her help, but I want to do more writing myself as well.

- explaining what the shadowman is, and how the world works in ways of communicating

- environment/ setting (world view)

- people lining up at the cave (all day, everyday)

- explaining what the shadowman does (telling stories that are to hard for the light people to tell)

- hands are the soul; he needs hands to tell those stories

- signing a contract

- some examples of stories

- some examples from outcomes when those stories are told (what do the light people do with them and how does it help them?)

- paying the debt (the shadowman collect the souls of people who have died, per contract)

- when picking up the hands, he himself touches them and the light is transferred to him as well (over time you’ll see him become lighter)

- showing that this goes on for a long time (years even)

- shadowman sees that he is getting lighter with every soul he picks up

- a narrator (outsider of the story) tells the reader that all the stories that the shadowman knows have been told

- shadowman realises that if he can survive with the light inside him, the light people also should be able to survive with a bit of his darkness inside of them

- the shadowman bursts into a million little pieces, giving every human a shadow, and thus helping them tell their own stories and teaching them to be in balance within themselves

[justdagmar]

Story notes  #03-02-2020

Update;

I started writing my story, and it’s pretty difficult, beneath is all of my notes I gather all the time, and i am starting to see a story forming now.

I might have to (already!) alter my timeline because this is taking some more time, and I want it to be good and solid.

Wie

-Een man die verhalen vertelt dmv schaduw dingen -Healer -Oude geest/god

Wat -Verzameld letterlijk handen (werkplaats om de handen klaar te maken voor gebruik) -Kan magisch handen laten verschijnen

Waar -Leeft hij met de beschaving of ver daarbuiten? -Hoe zorg je dat je langs kan komen?

Waarom -Hij heeft geen keuze/geen vrije wil -Hij is gestraft en dit is zijn redemption -Wat krijgt hij in ruil voor zijn dienst? -Is zijn dienst zeldzaam of veel voorkomend? Hoe zeldzamer hoe hoger de prijs van zijn dienst

Hoe -Hij groeit de handen in de aarde? -Hij steelt de handen van (slechte) mensen/kinderen -Hij neemt de handen van goeie mensen die stervende zijn

Ik kan niet vertellen dat ik van haar hou Ik kan niet vertellen dat haar kind stervende is Ik kan niet vertellen hoe mooi ik haar vind Ik kan niet vertellen hoe ik mij van binnen voel Ik kan niet vertellen dat ik niet meer verder kan SHOW DON’T TELL

handen meenemen van oude, stervende mensen. Dit als terugbetaal methode voor het vertellen van verhalen voor diegene, generatie na generatie zal geholpen worden door handen van overleden geliefde.

schaduwman is oud onderdeel van de aarde

mensen komen naar hem toe wanneer zij verhalen nodig hebben (hulp)

verhalen worden verteld door schaduwen en gebarentaal; dit omdat gewone taal niet goed genoeg kan verwoorden wat er gezegd moet worden.

man helpt hen, onder de voorwaarde dat hij hun handen mag innemen wanneer zij stervende zijn

mensen hebben geen schaduwen; schaduwman is dus nodig om de verhalen te vertellen

iemand misbruikt zijn verhalen/skills?

een verhaal is zo gruwelijk dat de schaduwman zich liever opoffert dan dat verhaal te moeten vertellen?

hij zag in dat verhalen vanuit mensen zelf moesten komen?

schaduwman offert zichzelf op, mensen hebben nu allemaal een klein stukje schaduw man, en kunnen elkaar verhalen vertellen en zo leeft de schaduwman voort

“You have to inhabit a language, not only speak it, and fluency requires some dramatic flair. […] ‘You start by making bonds with people, learning to greet them appropriately, and observing their gestures. The rules of behavior are at least as important in cultural linguistics as the rules of grammar. It’s not just a matter of finding the algorithm. The goal is to become part of a society.’”

Check it there is going to be a full moon. If there is not, go in as normal. You will be okay.

“Dear March - Come in - How glad I am - I hoped for you before - Put down your Hat - You must have walked - How out of Breath you are - Dear March, how are you, and the Rest - Did you leave Nature well - Oh March, Come right upstairs with me - I have so much to tell -”

— Emily Dickinson, “Dear March - Come in -

https://www.behance.net/gallery/32492651/The-Shadow-The-Star

wanneer de avond valt, en het licht ruimte maakt voor het donker, dat is de tijd dat je ziet waar dit verhaal over gaat. Het donker kent vele benamingen, in dit boek zal deze NAAM SCHADUWMAN genoemd worden.

in een land waar verhalen niet zo makkelijk te vinden zijn, is er een man wiens hulp vaak gevraagd wordt.

deze man is ouder dan het licht, hij is alles wat wij het donker noemen

een lichamelijke vorm van onze angsten, schaamtes, onzekerheden en wantrouwen.

when night falls, we meet a being who is all that we call darkness. He embodies everything we fear, about ourselves, the things we are ashamed of revealing to others. There was a time that the darkness only belonged to him, in this story you’ll meet this being, who we shall call SHADOWMAN

SHADOWMAN is the kind of being you seek when in need of help. What he does, you see, is give you the stories you need. the price you pay is one of great value, not to be taken lightly at all.

he uses the darkness to bring us relieve, by taking light and doing so rather generously, he composes a story with the hands he takes from us, a small price to pay for receiving a story that only he could tell

a mother once came to him, asking for help

‘i can’t tell my child she is dying’

‘cry not’, the SHADOWMAN told her, ‘for i have a solution.’

he took off, not saying another word.

the mother found him sitting beside her daughters bed, telling a story in the dim light of her nightlight.

it was only that when the mother came closer, she could see what the SHADOWMAN was doing exactly.

‘get out!’ the woman shouted, in disgust of the SHADOWMANS methods.

the SHADOWMAN shook his head ‘you need to pay me back, like we agreed upon’

a contract was signed.

the daughter of the mother died, but she did so rather peacefully. she told her mother that the story that the weird being in her room one night told her, had helped her see the truth, and that it was okay for her to go now.

it was only years later that the mother saw the SHADOWMAN again, on her deathbed, when he came to collect his part of the agreement.

as word does, it spread quickly, about the being that could tell the stories nobody else could.

soon the SHADOWMAN got requests from all over the land.

‘I can’t tell her I love her..’

‘I want them out of my house..’

‘She isn’t hearing what I’m telling her..’

‘I don’t want him anymore..’

‘How do I tell my mother I don’t want to live anymore?’

The SHADOWMAN was soon telling stories to everyone, and collecting the appropriate price for each of them as well.

grot of iets waar shadowman woont, dit is een soort huis waarin alles wat er gebeurt niet wordt onthouden, dit zou verklaren waarom mensen steeds terug gaan, of andere mensen hierover informeren

mensen krijgen een stukje schaduw mee van de gekke man

objecten hebben wel een schaduw, mensen moeten deze ‘verdienen’ door door een moeilijke periode heen te gaan, dat is wat ons mens maakt.

mensen geven een stukje van hun ‘licht’ af aan de man, die het licht nodig heeft voor de verhalen. Hierdoor krijgen de mensen een donkere ruimte achter zich, wat wij nu de schaduw noemen.

Shadows are not evil; instead they exist as delimitation between good and evil. As already mentioned, the forces of evil are actually afraid of shadows.

Shadows do not enter the afterlife. Only the spirits of the deceased enter the world of the dead. Therefore, shadows cannot go to Heaven, Hell, or Purgatory. Shadows just maintain a balance between good and evil.

https://www.ancient-origins.net/myths-legends/bringing-secret-story-shadows-light-005997

maybe the ‘bad guys’ want humanity to die or whatever, the SHADOWMAN recognizes this and wants to save them (shadow guardian) and gives everybody a piece of him to save them.

‘now it’s time to pay the price’

storytelling shadowman

he is neither good nor bad

he helps people to tell stories, but asks a price for his services always

he is taken for granted, doesn’t want to help people anymore

he divides himself over everybody, giving them the help they all need, but also giving him eternal peace

somebody doesn't want to pay him; the SHADOWMAN promises to follow us until we pay the price we owe him

price= hands?

how do we keep our hands, how do we outsmart a SHADOWMAN? (leaving a nightlight on?) what are his weaknesses? (he needs permission to take something from us)

telling stories

hands are the price to pay (he needs them for stories)

we (humankind) find a way to keep our hands (the shadowman need permission to take them from us, we discover)

the shadowman refuses to help us anymore

he divides himself over us, using us to tell stories

he wants to keep us safe still, he is a good guy, but he is also angry with us for not paying him the price he needs. he settles on dividing himself over everyone, so that he can still tell stories but on his own conditions

Jung’s Shadows

Carl Jung talked about individual and collective shadows. In his view, each person has a shadow as a separate entity, but the shadows of all people together also form another separate entity. Jung does not say whether shadows have positive or negative influences on the individual, but he does speak about ways of investigating one’s own shadow. Shadows are regarded as highly powerful entities and they are not thought to be material.

[justdagmar]

Plan  #26-01-2020

Time management plan for internship period (February-March-April?)

As of right now I’m having a bit of trouble finding a fitting internship place for myself. I had first planned to do this project and the internship simultaneously, work a day at the studio of an illustrator and then use 3 or 4 days for this project the rest of the week.

Right now, however I’m thinking on doing my own project first, for at least two months, and then start a (fulltime?) internship somewhere. I’m doing this for a few reasons; firstly, I know I will get easily distracted by intern work and do that instead of my own project, in this way I have no excuses not to work on my own thing. Secondly, I get stress when thinking about having to come up with a relatively fitting internship right now, so I am allowing myself some more time to find a suitable spot.

Because there are still a few things that are unclear I want to make a planning that will work for at least two months; and hopefully in April I can then start an internship somewhere.

PLAN

General info and goals;

-      Make a book

-      Make a story, and illustrations, which will make a book of at least 24 pages

-      Find a suitable publisher and send them either an e-mail or set up a meeting with them

-      Have at least 2 meetings a month with a fellow illustrator or somebody who will help me with the text

-      Look for somebody to help me with the textual story stuff

February;

First week;

-      Decide on what the story is about in general

-      Sketch the main character (make many sketches!)

-      Research (google) tips on how to write stories if necessary

Second/third week;

-      Write the story out; consult someone about it

-      Divide the story in segments; how many illustrations are needed and where?

-      Sketch out the ‘final’ characters and settle on a ‘style’ and medium to use

Fourth week;

-      Make a layout for the book, how many illustrations and a thumbnail for composition and layout of every page

-      Have a meeting with a fellow illustrator; get some tips on layout and style

-      Change the story where necessary!

March;

First week;

-      Start making the actual illustrations

-      Finish at least 3 illustrations a week

-      Keep contacting people about internship places

Second week;

-      Keep checking your original story each week, make sure it still adds up and makes sense

-      Consult your fellow illustrator

-      Keep an eye on this planning!

-      Continue the illustrations

Third week;

-      You should have about 10 illustration about now

-      Story is ready and should not have to get changed again (probably)

-      Continue working on illustrations

-      Start looking for publishers or people who can help you when the book is finished

Fourth week;

-      Make a ‘publisher package’. Something to send to publishers even though the book is maybe not finished now, but I have to start sending stuff around

-      Make a new plan when/if internship details have been worked out

[justdagmar]

Inspiration and first ideas #07-01-2020

Beneath you’ll find a few ideas that I have for this book, they are a bit scribbly right now but I want to keep them to refer back to when writing the actual text for this project.

He is a storyteller who collects hands to tell different stories?

dark tale about a guy robbing people’s hands to use them as new shapes in his story, a world where each hand is a specific shape. He can also grow hands like a farmer to tell real specific stories

Or he is a farmer, the book is about him as a legend of the village, the man who grows hands to tell stories. (less dark?)

People visit him when in need for bedtime stories or something, he grows and farms the stories they request.

A twist in the end about him using this specific way of telling stories to tell them to somebody who is deaf? like a weird kind of sign language maybe?

[justdagmar]

Pinterest etc #06-01-2020

A Pinterest page made for the project I have in mind. In this pin page I have inspiration based on colour, style and storytelling ways, each picture tells me something interesting that I find useful or relevant to my own project for now.

https://pin.it/bsh5ajs7h27ctk

For this intern period I want to create a book. Not necessarily a children’s book, but a book with illustrations and text. For now I want to make a text that reads like a poem, but still functions like a real story.

At the end of these few months, I also want to try to get this book published. Either in Dutch or English, I haven’t decided on that yet.