justinaduenas

[justinaduenas]

If you still read my posts

I love you. But I love me more. I hope the world loves you and honors your soul as much as I did. I hope whatever it is you’re searching for you find it. Although I would’ve of loved for it to be....it’s not. And I’m finally accepting that.

You have no idea how much I love you. The things I’m willing to do to protect you. But you don’t need me right now, you need you. I acknowledge that. I accept that.

[justinaduenas]

It’s literally like dejavu. This time last year i said never again...and here we are. Same exact time. Same exact thing. Just a year later. It’s time for me to move the fuck on.

An insecure person can make a secure person insecure all over again. But that was my choice and my bad.

Damn. I’m just mad at myself.

[justinaduenas]

[justinaduenas]

These scars...

Were made by you.

But these scars weren’t healed by you.

So if you’re going to touch them,

Do so with love, wonder, & the acknowledgment that these are remnants of your cuts.

Embrace the painful memories as I have to every day.

And let this forever be a reminder of the war we fought for the love we are winning.

[justinaduenas]

I stopped myself

From hitting you up. I was so close. All I had to do was press send. Yet. I did not. I don’t know what stopped me. Maybe fear. Or maybe my guides poking my gut saying do not fall for it. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll never know. I want answers but maybe I’ll never get them.

[justinaduenas]

Visit my Etsy shop: https://etsy.me/2r0WoC2

[justinaduenas]

Breaking Bad Habits

They say it takes 21 days to break a habit. 14 down, 7 to go. Not once have I even looked its way but trust me, I’ve wanted to so bad. This withdrawal is close to unbearable but then I remember how the come down made me feel. Do I wanna feel like that again? Hell no. I spent days staring at the wall, itching with anxiety from its absence. I wanted one last taste. That’s all. But that’s what I always say. Just one more time, maybe it’ll be different. It never is. It hasn’t changed, just its approach. And I fell for it. I injected it into my blood and let the euphoria of the moment over take me. I had no worries about what was to come, only what was. The void seemed full. The void actually didn’t even seem at all. It was gone. Or so I thought. Cos 14 days later I’m struggling to pull my hand back from reaching for it. Even as it dangles its presence in front of my face, I look at it with longing. With desire. With wish that the consequences of loving you didn’t hurt so bad. Didn’t feel so empty. 7 days left of practicing overwhelming weakness of will power. 7 days left of not having you until peace overcomes me. 7 days left until I’ve broken the habit of loving you.

[justinaduenas]

King Princess - Talia

[justinaduenas]

A Rainbow In a Sea of Black and White

I meant to finish this in time for Lesbian Day of Visibility but time got away from me and I’ve been working night shift this week so its been kind of a hassle. But! Better late then never!!! (which is kinda how I do anything cause duh Im late to everything.) Anyway this is for all the lesbians like me who feel like we cant yet come out but still want to show our pride, even if it is in small little ways. Just know I see you and Im proud of you! One day I hope that all lesbians (and I mean all) are able to be comfortable and feel safe to be who they are without fear. I love you all!

/TERFS dont interact/

[justinaduenas]

[justinaduenas]

[justinaduenas]

Peace

I never thought i would get to this place where I feel so much peace. Just lies after lies I believed and in the process I beat myself to nothing. Just dust from the constant smashing I took to it, every time I loved you. I feared letting you go for some reason. Still til this moment that question goes unanswered. But who needs closure when the door was never opened in the first place?

I’ve learned from my mistakes and although I’m disturbed at some of the things you say about me....I’ve come to accept that what you say or think about me is no longer of my concern. I’ve always been okay with being painted as the monster because I know the truth of the matter. And one day, that truth will come to light and by that time...it’ll no longer be relevant.

Freedom has been right here all along. I was shackled and yet I held the key. This imprisonment was my choice because the sickness I saw as love. So now I’m free. I set myself free. I choose to be free.

[justinaduenas]

book: she felt like feeling nothing | by: r.h. Sin

[justinaduenas]

[justinaduenas]

[justinaduenas]

Paradoxical by definition. Just like when you left, I gained so much.

[justinaduenas]

I’ll never see you the same.