jvc-yearofservice

[jvc-yearofservice]

Ending the year early

10/13/19- 10/19/19

           Monday was rough because a homeless woman having a mental breakdown threw oatmeal on me, and it got in my hair. On Tuesday, we took a field trip to the pumpkin patch where I was in charge of looking after two students who were awesome and behaved phenomenally. We rode the carousel, had a free lunch, and watched a pig race. That night, my housemates and I were walking to our seats at the Jonas Brothers concert, and a random man approached us and asked if it was just the three of us. We said 'yes', and he proceeded to give us tickets for the floor of the stadium, which were obviously much better than our nose-bleed seats. We took them and got escorted down to the floor where there were three seats together. It was literally so close to the stage and therefore closer to them as well. The concert was so amazing, and they played all my favorite songs, including "Burnin' Up", "Cake by the Ocean", "SOS", "Sucker", and "Lovebug". I nearly got trampled several times when they would walk from one stage to another (that's how close we were). My feet were killing me from jumping up and down for nearly two or more hours, but it was definitely worth it.

           On Wednesday, I was fired from my job. I'll tell you how it happened: I came to work early in the morning, and my supervisor met me at the door, saying that we would have a meeting at 8am, which was unusual because our one on ones were on Friday's. At 8am, she told me to follow her and then started walking away. I followed her to another building, and we walked in absolute silence the entire way. Eventually, in the other building, we went into a random office, and there was an uglier-looking Angelica Houston type woman standing there. She told me to sit down, so me and my supervisor both sat down while she stayed standing the entire time. The woman who was standing was named Ms. Julie, I think, and she was the head of HR at Loaves and Fishes. She informed me that a JVC representative was on speakerphone (Laura Strubeck) as well as our in-city coordinator, Windi. I was super perplexed about it since there was absolutely no preparation nor had I expected anything amiss. My supervisor started explaining that since my work "fell so short below the expectations I agreed to at the beginning of the year, my position has been terminated". I was so blown away that I couldn't really speak. I looked at my supervisor who had super fake sad puppy dog eyes, and then I looked at the HR woman. The HR woman seemed really angry with me and told me, "Your one job was to protect the kids and you failed." Then my supervisor very helpfully jumped in and added, "We do not trust you to keep the children safe." I was really shocked and confused because my supervisor and I had just had a meeting with the in-city coordinator where we discussed issues and (seemingly) resolved everything (but I guess not). The main issue was supervising the children, which I asked for more clarification on but had only received vague answers from my supervisor every time. They asked if I had any questions, and I could only think to ask about what happens next. The JVC representative, Laura Strubeck, said that because I had been terminated from my job instead of just a mutual agreement to part ways, I was out of the program. I asked if I could be put into another placement (since several of my house-mates' agencies wanted me), but she said I couldn't and that I also had to be out of the house by Saturday. I very numbly nodded, and the in-city coordinator's only contribution to the conversation was, "I'm here for you, Mary Kate!" For those of you at home, the job of the in-city coordinator is to advocate and support the volunteers. Guess who did not support me? Our in-city coordinator. The JVC representative also said that if I could, I should share my "exit strategy"/travel plans with the JVC just for their records. They asked if I had anymore questions, and I didn't so I was walked back to the school where my supervisor insisted on watching me while I packed up my things at my desk and then escorted me out of the school, not before asking me for the work keys back.

           Here is my take on why I was really terminated: from day one, I sensed that my supervisor didn't really like me. I figured that it would take some time to warm up to each other, but our relationship never got better. In all honesty, she had expectations that no person could ever meet, even me who was doing her best and putting way too much effort into a job that didn't fulfill me (the girl in my position last year complained that this supervisor was so overbearing and never satisfied with her work and someone in my position three years ago left after the first day at work). At our meetings, my supervisor asked inappropriate questions about my personal life and tried to involve herself in any drama that was happening back at the house. I stood by my morals and who I am, and I refused to compromise any of my beliefs, and I was punished for that. It was hinted to me that I should tell my supervisor about anyone making any mistakes in their jobs (not to help them learn but so that they would be punished), and I would not because I didn't believe that was right. When my supervisor realized she could not intimidate or control me, she felt I was a liability and therefore had to go. While we were still meeting and giving me the appearance of trying to help me learn and grow as a staff member and individual, my supervisor was actively gathering little mistakes I had made and then presented them to the higher-up people in order to make it look like I was incapable of doing my job. The JVC sided with them likely because of financial reasons. The JVC gets paid by agencies to have volunteers at those agencies, and Loaves and Fishes is such a large and powerful organization that the JVC would not have wanted to get on their bad side. If it were any other site, I believe the JVC would have supported and advocated for me. The only words I have for my supervisor are this: I can see that you are suffering very deeply. I can see that you think your suffering will be alleviated by hurting others. I am very sorry that you are suffering so badly. I do not wish that kind of suffering on anybody. I hope one day you can alleviate that suffering without inflicting pain on others.

           All that day, I had decided to tell all my house mates later on so as to not ruin their day. I basically packed up my room, got a plane ticket home, and took down all my decorations. Eventually, I told them all together, and they were outraged and devastated as well. Lots of tears and grieving. Everyone is still quite confused on exactly why I was fired and then unceremoniously kicked out of the program, and whenever we tried to reach out to anybody in a position of power in the JVC, but we were given vague answers every time or blatantly ignored. It especially helped that some support people, Lauren and OJ, came over to grieve with us that night. My housemates reached out to everyone they could in an effort to get the JVC to let me stay and work somewhere else, but I eventually told them to stop their efforts because I was too tired and too disheartened to try to fight anymore. Why should I fight to stay in a program that would treat me so horribly and obviously does not appreciate or see my worth?

           The days went quickly after that. On Thursday, I packed and shipped things back home. Thursday night, we all tried to celebrate together by watching a movie and hanging out on the porch like we did at the beginning of the year, but there was definitely a sense of disbelief and dread among us. On Friday, I finished shipping all my things and decided to sight-see as much as I could. I went to Old Sacramento and saw a replica of the original schoolhouse, bought little mementos for everybody (using up the rest of my stipend money, heyo), and visited Fort Sutter and the Indian History Museum. That night, we all went and got a hilarious old-timey portrait done of us in all vintage, cow-boy-looking outfits. For dinner, we went to In-N-Out since I had not had it yet and it was on my to-do list. MOST IMPORTANTLY, at Fort Sutter, I saw the DONNER DOLL, aka the doll of a little girl who survived the Donner Party disaster (look it up-it's horrible).

           On Saturday, it was time to go. I woke up to the amazing smell of my house-mates making breakfast for me. A couple of us went to get donuts, and I nearly got into a fight with an "overly-sensitive and emotionally unstable" woman who said I was standing too close to her (okay, so I wasn't standing too close on purpose at first but after she said that, I stood right behind her until she screamed at us all again and then left, haha). For the last time, we all held hands around the table, and I said grace which went a little like this: "Dear Lord in Heaven...what you did was hella messed up...and I hope I can forgive you one day for allowing this to happen to such good people...but still...we ball, and I'm thankful for what I have. Amen." The car was super packed with people as we all drove to the airport, and there were many tears as I was dropped off. It was super funny because a really sad song about missing friends and having good memories came on as soon as we all got in the car. I'm writing this now as I'm waiting for my plane to depart to St. Louis, where I will be moving back in with my parents until I save up enough to get my own apartment and hopefully one day my own dog.

           A couple last things before I go: I don't regret joining the JVC, flying all the way out to Philadelphia, flying all the way out to California, and living intentionally and simply for exactly 80 days. I don't regret it because I met some of the most incredible people in the entire world (Caroline, Fran, Meg, Joseph, Laura, Morgan, Lauren & OJ, Mr. Martin, Sara F., Kelsey & Katie, Liana, Lucia, Miss Emily, Mr. Troy, Miss Erica, Miss Stacey, Fr. Tom, Mercy Meg, the Mercy volunteers, the ACE volunteers, Grace, and many more). I'd also like to sincerely thank all the unknown former Jesuit volunteers who reached out to the JVC on my behalf in an effort to try to get them to change their mind and let me stay. I'm conscientiously choosing to release the anger and bitter feelings I have towards my supervisor and all those in power positions in the JVC who advocated for my termination because holding onto those feelings is so unfair to me. I would rather use my energy to continue to help and choose joyfulness and love than to seek out revenge for what was done to me. Yes, it was unfair and horrible, as well as traumatic and embarrassing. There has also been more crying and suffering in these past few days than probably my entire life before. However, I take comfort in the fact that those who really know me absolutely understand that I did nothing to deserve this and are outraged on my behalf as well. That's enough for me- to have the faith of the ones who really matter, so I will let the issue rest.

           And maybe this was all for a greater reason. We'll see.

Godspeed,

MK

[jvc-yearofservice]

10/8/19 - 10/13/19

10/8/19 - 10/13/19

           Started off the week strong by getting hit in the face with a hula hoop. Silver lining, though, is that the kids all freaked out and came running to see if I was okay (awwwww). Something really interesting that I learned this week was that some kids are forbidden to participate in Halloween because it's seen as the "devil's holiday". I find it so odd that parents would be threatened so much by this holiday in such a progressive place as California. It's funny that even the Catholics are okay with Halloween, and they're like the most judgmental about the most unimportant stuff. Something cool I've also learned is that the older kids love anime, so I've been using my very small knowledge of Naruto and Fruits Basket to impress them. Another cool fact is that you can home-school while you are homeless, but it's really difficult, obviously (if your priorities are more centered on staying alive versus education).

           One of the mothers of a little pre-schooler at the school has said that her daughter has ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), which I was much dismayed to hear because it's actually a huge ethical no-no to diagnosis anyone under the age of 18 due to very important socialization and biological changes taking place as well as inevitable brain growth. On Tuesday, I filled in for the preschool teacher who was absent at the end of the day. Basically, I just woke up the pre-schoolers and helped them pack up for dismissal. There has been an unusually small amount of kids at the school for this time of year, which means that I've been driving less and supervising the kids more. Unfortunately, I have been told that I need to stop playing with the children so much and supervise more. Despite hearing this, someone told me the other day that the kids were naturally drawn to me and loved me so much and that they could tell I clearly love them back, which is always nice to hear. Also, the kids realized that I have blue eyes and started to freak out about it, which made me super amused. During recess one day this week, I was renamed "Pretty Princess" by some of the little girls, so I will respond to that name only from now on.

           Something that I've been trying to drive home with the kids is respect for the homeless people that they occasionally encounter since Friendship Park is right next to the school and many of their guests come to the free lunch which is accessed through an entrance that comes very close to the entrance of the school and playground. I'm trying to make the kids know that they do not have to be afraid of them, and whenever they have to walk by them to get to the outdoor bathrooms, I make sure the kids say "excuse me" and "thank you" to whoever is in the way. Many times, the guests are very friendly and enjoy the kids, but the kids always seem scared, which makes me sad. Likewise, I recently found out that the reason the kids I mentioned last week that were taken into CPS custody was because their mom was caught stealing in order to feed them (pretty sure this is the premise of Les Mis, which just proves that we're really all living in a simulation). I had my first meeting with a case worker at Maryhouse (the next door building that provides basic sanitation and nutrition services), and we learned that there has been an increase in child/pre-teen prostitution. Some of the workers at that agency are suspicious of the young girls doing this because they will get all "done up" in the guest bathroom and then leave for the night, likely making the rounds and "working the streets".

           On Friday, while a couple of us were at a party at another volunteer house in Sacramento, we got a call from the people at home. They said they had to leave the house in a hurry because they were having dinner in the dining room and heard distinct, heavy footsteps directly above them. It was so loud and distinctive that they were scared enough to leave the house and drive away. While we were at the party, we got a call from them about what happened, so we came home, and the police were already there checking out the house. I was pretty impatient and asked one officer if I could just go into the living room to get my laptop. He made a face at me which I interpreted as 'no'. The police eventually cleared the house and said there was no sign of forced entry, so we all agreed it was the ghost or they had imagined it because their minds were playing tricks on them.

           On Wednesday, I attended a yoga class at Yoga Seed Collective with another housemate. We didn't pay for the class because we had applied for the sliding scale program, which means that because we make $100 a month we would pay $0 for classes. On Saturday, me and a couple of other people in the house volunteered for another housemate's agency. The agency was throwing a fundraiser, and the job given to me and another housemate was to sign people in and give them food and drink tickets. The others gave out balloons with raffle numbers on them for the end of the night. We were very well-compensated for our service. First, we got drink tickets to get soda. Secondly, we got to eat the dinner being served there (lasagna, carrots, and white cake). At one point a magician came over to us and did some tricks for us. When he was doing the act for the whole party, he turned a pigeon into a napkin, which was my absolute favorite part. Afterwards, we got money for beer and pizza for helping out. Then, on Sunday, someone's dad came to visit and treated us all to pink ale and Mexican food.

           Some random notes on what it is like to live in Sacramento: plastic bags cost money so if you don't bring your own bag, you have to pay a fee to put your groceries in a bag. Therefore, I always carry a semi-empty backpack around in order to use it as a grocery bag. Apparently, Sacramento is the farm to fork capital (meaning they eat food almost immediately after it is harvested), and the city is also known for being a "foodie" city. Lastly, when a homeless person bathes, they usually just use a wet towel, sink, or water fountain, and they refer to these as "bird baths". It's not super unusual to see a homeless person bathing like this due to their lack of access to water.

           Side note: We watched the weird, artsy horror movie, The Witch, and everyone had very conflicting opinions about whether they liked it or not. Either way, we have adopted Black Phillip as our unofficial house patron, and whenever we want to be creepy, someone murmurs, "Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?"

           Bonus story: When my dad was in the JVC, he worked as a bus driver for the elderly of New Orleans. He would drive people to the grocery store and other places that they would not have been able to go to, and within his first week, he had gotten into two accidents with the agency's car. Needless to say, the nun who was in charge of the operation was not happy about this.

Peace

MK

[jvc-yearofservice]

9/30/19 - 10/7/19

           Aaaaand I'm back, baby! (better late than never, I suppose) We started the week by celebrating Rosh Hashanah which was super fun. Our Jewish housemate spoke Hebrew as she blessed our meal, and we all dipped apples in honey in order to start out the new Jewish year on a sweet note. We ate brisket, mashed potatoes, matzo ball soup, noodle casserole, challah bread, pomegranates, and we toasted with apple cider and champagne. Traditionally, you can also dip your bread into water or run water over your hands in the sink to symbolize a cleansing of the person as the new year begins.

           Someone in my house had a birthday on Friday, and since I was away for my cousin's wedding, I baked them a cake and painted a watercolor horse for her on Wednesday. I told her that I could bake her a cake from scratch since I am the descendent of German bakers, but she specifically insisted on having Confetti Cake Mix from a box. While I was getting the cake mix from a Rite Aid, someone stole my bike from the bike rack outside (even though it was locked), so I had to walk at least an hour on foot to get home which was a bummer. When I realized that it was stolen and had not just disappeared into thin air, I became upset and started asking people if they saw my bike. Some scary-ass looking bikers were really upset for me and offered to look for it, which I thought was sweet of them. I went back into the Rite Aid and asked if I could see their footage from the video camera outside, and they simply answered, "No. Sorry about your bike, though." I wasn't in trouble with anyone even though the bike belonged to the house/the Jesuits, but I'm just mad that someone got the jump on me, so I might still put up signs that say something like, "Hi, I know you stole my bike. This is not a warning to bring it back. No, I am telling you instead that I know who you are and will find you. I know where you went, and I am coming to get my bike back. When I find you, you will wish you had never even looked at my bike in the first place. Good luck." This doesn't really seem in the spirit of the JVC, though, so I might pass on that idea. If anyone is in the Sacramento area and sees a cute little teal-colored bike, it's mine!

            Anyways, here are a couple of random things that need to be noted. Firstly, I have decided to return to St. Louis for Thanksgiving, and I will be there from November 27 until December 1st, so if you want to hang out, text me and we can make plans! Secondly, I keep calling the organization for whom I work by the wrong name which everyone thinks is hilarious. I keep saying "Fishes and Loaves" instead of "Loaves and Fishes". Thirdly, I am now able to make coffee in a pot all by myself (so watch out world).

           Work has been too strange and funny to believe. On Monday, a woman waiting in line for the free lunch, at the organization Friendship Park, attempted to come into the playground area while the kids were at recess. She made eye-contact with a couple kids and tried to beckon them over to her and pointed to a bag, shaking it like she had something for them. While I was walking over to the fence to confront her, she snaked a hand around to the inside of the fence and started to try to unlock it from the outside. I grabbed the lock and held it closed and told her very icily, "We're not interested. No thank you," until she gave up. She tried arguing with me, saying she wanted to give the children treats and that we were mistreating them, but I just kept telling her we were not interested, so she left but not before calling me a "bitch". All I can say is that she is lucky that she was on the other side of the fence from me. I also led PE classes for the volunteer who went home over the weekend, which was exhausting because I had to do all my work responsibilities and hers too so I was running around all day without a break.

           One of the girls who I drive to and from school is an absolute hoot. One morning, she told me in all seriousness that I need to brush my hair more. Another favorite thing of hers to do is to roll down the window of our car and try to talk to people in other cars. Today, she called out to some little boys at a red light, "Hello! Do you want to be my friend?" One day, she said, "I have a secret to tell you," and I replied, "Do you know what a secret means?" (a joke she didn't get/appreciate, haha) Unfortunately, despite her super sunny demeanor, her living situation is a tragedy. One morning, I went to pick her up, and I saw her and her mom sitting outside on the sidewalk with all their stuff around them. The mom said that she had just been kicked out from their friend's apartment and had nowhere to go. On the way to school, the little girl told me about how she was worried about where she would stay tonight. Also today, I found out that a family of seven kids was taken into CPS custody and nobody knows where they could be.

           Last Friday, I was having my one-on-one with my supervisor, and a homeless man asked for some adult diapers because he had IBS and was wearing the same thing all week. We eventually walked with him to another building and got some, and he was very grateful. It felt good to be able to actually do something because sometimes I feel like I die a little bit any time I have to turn someone away or tell someone 'no' when people ask for money.

           Thursday through Sunday, I was at my cousin Caitlin's wedding, which was amazing. I basically traveled all of Thursday and got in at night. On Friday, we rehearsed walking in and standing in line for the wedding. Afterwards, we went to lunch together outside, and I made the very unwise decision to wear a romper in Michigan in October. That night, we had the rehearsal dinner at a brewery. On Saturday, I met up with the rest of the bridal party in the hotel lobby at 9am and went to the salon to get our hair and makeup done. We drank mimosas and coffee as we got ready for the wedding. We all got dressed together in Caitlin's hotel room and ended up walking a couple blocks to the venue which was really fun because people kept cheering us on and commenting on Caitlin's wedding dress. The ceremony was so sweet, and I loved the part where Caitlin and Kyle washed each other's feet as an act of service to each other as a married couple. Afterwards, we took group pictures and went to the reception in a building nearby. I'm so happy for them, and I'm still so grateful for being included as a bridesmaid.

Sincerely,

MK

[jvc-yearofservice]

9/23/19- 9/29/19

                 Some wholesome news: I found out this week that there's an agency that trains dogs to become service dogs so they can spend the night in the shelters with their owners. Another cute story to start off your week: one housemate works at an elementary school, and one day, she noticed that the kids were hitting and picking the leaves off a tree, so she told them, "Hey, leave that tree alone. Treat it like I feel everything that it feels." Well, they said, "Okay," and then proceeded to more ferociously attack the tree, while the JV watched in horror and made sound effects as if she was being attacked.

                 On Saturday, a couple of us attended a soccer game, but it was rained out (those of you who know me know that I wasn't completely heartbroken over it). I got a pretzel and a soda too which made it a winner of a night instead of a total loss. On Thursday, the in-city coordinator took me out to lunch, and she bought me a pesto chicken sandwich and a Diet Coke, which greatly improved my day. She used to be a Jesuit Volunteer in Micronesia and spent all her stipend money on Diet Coke and Doritos while she was there. On Wednesday, we went to the apartment of the volunteers from last year and drank wine, which was really fun. More good news: the housemate who didn't feel safe walking to work finally got a car with the help of her parents! She will rent it for the year and then leave it in Sacramento at the end of the year. It's great because now we can take trips on the weekends without worrying about getting transportation for everyone.

                 I've recently started driving another little girl to and from the school, and she very adorably referred to herself as a "milkaholic". She also gave me a flower as a thank you for dropping her off and then very seriously told me how to make sure it wouldn't wilt. Some great news, though! The mom of seven who disappeared last week has come back, and the kids are really thrilled. She has agreed to let the kids talk to the school counselor, which is a miracle because she had been not allowing the kids to talk to anyone (I'm guessing for fear of CPS being called on them due to African American families historically being more reported on than white families).

                 At work on Friday, I played tag with the kids (I'm still sore), and the kids insisted that I be 'it' for every game, which was exhausting but hilarious. I slipped and fell in the wood chips, and all the kids came running like I was really hurt, which I thought was sweet. When another little girl was 'it', she yelled like she hit her head, and when I went to check on her, she tagged me. Haha. Before school started one morning, the kids were feeling particularly destructive, so I got them to all crush acorns together, and then we took out the insides and put them in a pile near the trees so the squirrels could get them. They worked so beautifully as a team but worried that the squirrels wouldn't eat our meticulously prepared meal, so when they went to class, I moved all the acorns, and when the kids came back out for recess, they all freaked out thinking that the squirrels had eaten what we made them. I will say that it is hard to not have favorites, especially when particular kids really push your buttons on purpose. This week, a little boy was sitting in the office when I was watching over the receptionist area, and he pretended to run away. It scared me so bad, and I ran all over the place trying to find him. When I returned to the office to get my cellphone to call for help, he was sitting in his chair with an infuriating grin. I knew he did it to scare me, so I was even angrier, and I even got in trouble with my supervisor for his pretending to run away on my watch.

                 On a side note, I've been trying to figure out how to go to the gym for free. I found out that I can get a scholarship for the YMCA so that I only have to pay $8 each month, but the closest one is a 15 minute bike ride away, even though there are free classes.

P.S. Bonus cute story: I was doing yoga stretches with the kids, and they kept saying "oomm" when we did the poses.

MK

[jvc-yearofservice]

9/16/19- 9/22/19

          We started off the week strong with a school field trip to Altec, a car-building factory. I think the kids enjoyed it, but I did have to drive one of the kids home early because he couldn't handle the excitement. It has rained for the first time since we've been here, which I think is wild. Likewise, I took my first bath since being here which really helped me to relax. One of my favorite things that I've been doing here is singing/screaming Taylor Swift songs with my housemates while doing the dishes at night, which is surprisingly cathartic. On Wednesday, we were visited by Fr. Tom O'Neil, who is a Superior Jesuit working at a Jesuit high school in Sacramento right now. He was previously living on the Pine Ridge reservation, which I've visited before, so I was happy to discuss it with him. He looked very much like a Jesuit, and what I mean by that is that he was wearing an old-looking Hawaiian shirt and well-worn open-toed sandals. We did a prayer with him, all of us reading a line from a poem about the slow work of God. He invited us to the Jesuit BBQ on Saturday, and we graciously accepted.

                 Work has been pretty crazy still. Two students have left to enroll in public school, and even though this is a good thing, I feel sad because I will miss seeing them at school every day and seeing them with my own eyes to make sure they're okay. One of the kids who left, a first grader, told their teacher about going to the new school: "My teachers are gonna keep me safe like you did." (brb crying at the cuteness) I'm still having a lot of fun, though, whether I'm completely winning every staring contest or teaching the kids how to thumb wrestle. I even got to help conduct the PE classes on Friday, and I almost died with boredom from the countless times the little kids wanted to play 'What Time is It, Mr. Fox?'. It also warmed my heart because on the day when I took off work to visit my friend in San Francisco last week, apparently a bunch of the kids, including the older boys who always play it cool/act like they never care about anything, were asking where I was and were worried that I had been taken (????). When it rained this week, we had the kids watch a nature documentary instead of playing outside, and there was a part of the documentary where a seal ripped a little penguin apart, and I had expected the kids to cry or freak out, but instead they cheered, much to my chagrin.

                 For some reason, Monday and Tuesday were really hard for me. I just felt discontent and disappointed in what my duties have been (driving kids around, researching resources online, calling other agencies) since I did a lot of similar stuff last year, so I feel like I haven't really been growing as a professional. I was feeling really tired too and couldn't get through the week without a nap nearly every day. Some of my co-workers think it could be because of the change of weather here. It's getting colder pretty quickly, which surprised me. It saddened/irritated me even more after hearing that the mom of seven kids at the school randomly bailed on them. Something else that disturbed me is how common violent tendencies are in one sibling group. The other day, I caught an older kid purposefully throw a basketball with all her strength directly at a preschooler. Thankfully, she just about missed him, and she was laughing about it until she realized I was watching. That really worries me, but I suppose it may be a survival instinct or coping mechanism, especially once I realized they were homeless because they were fleeing their dad who shot someone in front of the youngest kid.

                 On Thursday, I went to a network café, which was basically just a gathering of service providers (including Mustard Seed outreach team members) where people talk about what services they offer and network with other agencies. I also really appreciated the experience because I got a free lunch out of it! Something I learned from one of the presentations was that the homeless need podiatry services more than anyone else. Homeless people are more likely to sustain foot injuries from walking barefoot or walking in hazardous places in order to find places to camp. They also wear the same shoes over long periods of (often years) which can be damaging too (sometimes never taking them off), and they walk more than the average person because they are constantly searching out safe places to camp and places with resources for them. One housemate recently told me about how she has witnessed 'sweeps' of homeless camps, where the police come and throw out the belongings of the homeless that I guess they deem dangerous or as an excuse to search for drugs. I can't imagine a more offensive way of showing a group that they do not matter in society that these sweeps. If I ever saw one, I don't know what I would do.

                 A pet rabbit has been adopted by one housemate and named 'Cali' due to us living in California (I wanted to name it 'Jalapeño). It may have lice/fleas/mites so I'll keep y'all updated. I also submitted a prayer that I wrote to the JVC Facebook if you want to check it out (wink, wink). On Saturday, we went to the Jesuit's BBQ and had a blast (they showed us the living quarters and boy oh boy were they fancy). On Friday, we went out to a bar called The Pine Cove and did karaoke. A bunch of us sang 'Follow Your Arrow' by Kasey Musgraves and obviously crushed it. Lastly, I tormented one of my housemates last week by hiding their keys and making them a super elaborate scavenger hunt throughout the entire house in order to find them, but sadly, they did not appreciate my humor and ingenuity.

                 Crazy story that happened on Friday night: me and a housemate were walking to a corner store to get soda for chasers, and we went to cross a crosswalk when I realized there was a little dog lying on its side in the middle of the street like it had been hit by a car. I noticed it first, so I grabbed the other person and pointed it out. We were both freaking out, thinking it was dead, but then we realized its legs were twitching, so it was alive. I wasn't sure if I should call 911 or another number. I saw lights and realized that there was traffic headed straight for the dog, so I jumped into the street and shielded the dog from the incoming traffic (sorry, mom and dad). I did not get hit by a car, though (further proof that I am un-killable)!  When I went to pick up the dog, I touched it, and it freaked out and ran out of the street. We followed it for a bit, trying to get it to come towards us, but it was pretty spooked. Eventually, it cornered itself in an alley, but I didn't touch it again because I didn't want to get bit or attacked. It was kind of limping but looked otherwise unhurt. Its fur was matted but that could be due to it being a stray or the pet of a homeless person or from dried blood. I saw that it had a pink collar, but I couldn't get it close enough to see if it had tags. Reluctantly, I walked away and got the sodas, but I couldn't stop talking about the dog ALL NIGHT. The next day, I went back to the place where I had last seen it, but it wasn't there, which I took for a good sign. The rest of the night involved us all sitting out on the porch in plastic chairs and drinking beer (something we have been doing a lot and refer to as 'porching').

P.S. I went to mass today, and the homily was about the evils of wealth. During the homily, the priest said that Jesus would want us to use our wealth to help others, but ALSO NO JESUS WOULD WANT FOR NO ONE TO HAVE WEALTH, DUH. Periodt.

MK

[jvc-yearofservice]

9/9/19- 9/15/19

                 Very hectic week! First off, a family found out they got into a more permanent housing situation as I was driving them to the school, which was super exciting. I loved watching them jump around and hug when we got to the school. It was a big deal because I had dropped them off at the current shelter they're staying at myself about a week ago. I've been driving a family back and forth from their shelter to the school this week. We had a surprisingly large amount of things in common, like our love of spicy and Creole food (she recommended 'The Firehouse'), and the mom even showed me a shortcut between the two locations so I could get there faster, which I thought was really nice. They also thought it was funny that I admitted not knowing what to do if an earthquake should happen. I have to be very careful, however, when I drive the car since many homeless people will try to jump in front of the car in order to get hit and get some money from it. Something good that I found out was that the girl I thought would go blind without surgery is actually able to get the entire procedure done for free under California's socialized health insurance! Hooray!

                 On Tuesday, I took a Megabus to San Francisco to see my old friend from high school, Christina, who is living in L.A. We had a lot of fun being goofballs, visited Chinatown and Fisherman's Wharf, saw sea lions, drove around listening to music, and took pictures in front of the Golden Gate Bridge. Another day, I was walking back from returning packages to Amazon, and an older man asked me to push him up the hill to the bus stop. It felt sketchy, but I went ahead and did it, and it turned out that he's from Kansas and plans on moving back there soon. He said there was nothing quite like the sunset and open plains of the Midwest, and it made me miss home...but only a little bit.

                 Some great news-I finally got my public library card! Me and one of my housemates made our own Alfredo sauce from scratch, which was so powerful. Everyone said it tasted like Olive Garden, which is the highest of compliments. I'm thinking that I will have to stay for Thanksgiving because so many of my housemates are staying here for the holiday because they did not get the day after Thanksgiving off from work. This might be an optimal time for people to visit, so let me know!

                 A sweet story from this week includes one of my housemates trying to comfort a girl who was crying at school because she found out her brother was going to jail. The housemate asked how she could help the little girl, and the girl, without hesitation, said, "Bring me takis." For those who do not know, takis are a brand of potato chips and also happen to be Justin Bieber's favorite brand of chips.

                 There are also many interesting developments on the house being haunted. We nicknamed the ghost 'Jimothy' (mostly my idea), and he has apparently been more active lately. My own experiences with Jimothy include a doorknob connecting my room to Room 3 (the haunted room) jiggling by itself, the door to Room 3 being open in the morning after I close it at night (and I'm the first to get up so no one could have opened it before I woke up), and smells of sulfur appearing whenever I pass Room 3 at night (one other roommate has experienced this as well). One housemate told us recently that when she got up to use the restroom in the middle of the night, she heard someone walking loudly up the stairs and very lightly/gently touching the door while she was in there. She was sure one of us was standing behind the door, waiting to scare her, but when she opened the door, no one was there. Everyone was asleep at the time.

                 Lastly, I have some more thoughts on living on a stipend and practicing simple living. I find it kind of trivial to pretend as if we are living like the poor when I know that I will never be in any of the situations that these people are in. I have a Masters Degree, am well-educated, am Caucasian and from the upper middle class, and have a well-off family that would take care of me no matter what. Therefore, was there any way I could realistically emulate the poor, knowing that I'm socially valued and will not be condemned to the margins as long as I can work and contribute to society as a whole?

                 On Saturday, one housemate and I played Cupid and helped another housemate's boyfriend surprise her at the house. It was painfully cute. Some of the people in the house went to San Francisco for the weekend to visit the JV house, but I stayed in Sacramento because my stipend is pretty low, and I was just overwhelmingly tired from this week. On Sunday, I made a cake and made my own frosting from scratch (wow, I am so powerful). Me and another housemate went to a garage sale of the parents of a former JV, and they gave us a bunch of free furniture and some vegetables from their garden.

Super tired/content,

Mary Kate

[jvc-yearofservice]

8/3/19 - 9/8/19

"It's not about disability but the capability of a person"- housemate's co-worker

                 Sunday's spirituality night focused around readings from Father Boyle and readings from 'Wrestling with Life'. Someone brought up an interesting point about how having food preferences/dietary-restricted lifestyles could be seen as a type of privilege (since the poor usually are forced to eat what is available instead of being able to choose what they eat).

                 One of the utility people for the house and my work has made a bet with me on if he could scare me or not. I said he could not, but he insisted that he could. First, he put a fake rat on my desk, but that did not faze me. Secondly, a couple days ago, he pretended to get hit by the car I was driving, which did scare me a bit, but I otherwise thought it was hilarious. Likewise, at work, I did my first intake by myself! It was scary, but I think I did a pretty good job.

                 We have had our first family permanently leave due to them moving away to enroll in a public school, which is going to be and has been the norm in this type of school. School has continued to be kind of crazy due to the large amount of kids- aka lots of trauma. The kids don't do well with sirens, alarms, or loud noises, and we've had a lot of kids pushing our boundaries in order to test their safety by seeing how we react to external stressors. Many kids, especially the younger ones, need control over smaller things because they cannot control bigger things. For example, yelling "no!" at teachers because they could not say 'no' when they really needed to on the streets/with their parents. One co-worker is looking at these behaviors through an ABA lens. One thing he has mentioned is 'stemming', which is when a kid is being bombarded by external stimulus/processing everything around them. A lot of kids break pencils at a coping mechanism. We discussed how kids saying 'no' to trivial things/being unfriendly could be a survival mechanism or socialized form of safety taught to kids by their parents who are more familiar with street dangers than we are. It is also common for kids to not be able to process strong emotions or express them verbally, so one classroom has emotion cards (example: if you're angry, you go get the anger card and bring it to the teacher to show that you are feeling angry).

                 This week has been particularly draining, unfortunately. One of the littler kids is a constant reminder of how deep and complex trauma can alter a human's behaviors. She is always hyper alert because she was in the room when her mother's boyfriend shot someone point-blank. That family is fleeing from domestic violence, which is something I feel a lot of people don't consider when they see a homeless family and feel a bias towards them. In that situation, the parent actually saved the children by taking them away from that man, even if they did not have housing prepared to receive them. Another little boy shared with us that his mom's boyfriend beat him up, so we had to call Child Protective Services. They sent out a worker who talked with mom and the boy, and the hardest part was leaving to go home, not knowing what would happen to him. Something else that really took an emotional toll on me was finding out that one girl at the school has pretty severe cataracts, and if she does not have eye surgery as soon as possible, she could go permanently blind. I'm pretty devastated to hear this because she will likely not get the surgery because even if her parents did decide to get a loan for the surgery, they would probably get declined by any lenders due to their financial situation. This is a classic example of how unethical and cruel capitalism is. Without socialized healthcare, the poor are left to die.

                 Not everything is totally gloomy, however. There's one girl in PreK who does an insanely accurate British accent (due to watching the Great British Baking show, haha!). On Friday, we had a potluck and hosted all our co-workers at the house, and I think it was a huge success. Someone brought their 4-year-old daughter who I spent the majority of the party playing with. When she left, a French bulldog puppy magically appeared, and I spent the rest of the night holding it and getting our picture taken several times. Cleaning the house was kind of a bummer since it's so huge, but we blasted reggae music the whole time to ease the burden. During the week, we visited Old Sac, which is the old-fashioned and historic area, where everything looks like the Old West and Gold Rush times. We had an amazing time and visited some great shops, including a huge costume warehouse and giant candy store where we got a lot of free samples. There is a better address to send things to since everyone's packages keep getting stolen:

FedEx Office

1200 J St.

Sacramento, CA 95814

                 On Saturday, we had a pregame party at the house and invited the other volunteers from Mercy Corps and Lutheran Services Corps. Also, someone from the San Francisco house came to stay with us and slept in the haunted room (we didn't tell him it was haunted, though). It was very fun, and someone even told me this alarming statistic: 10% of Jesuit volunteers leave before the end of their first year. One of the girls from our house last year left mid-year without discussing it with anyone else. Some say it was because of unchecked mental health problems, and others say it was incompatibility with the other housemates. A former Jesuit Volunteer from the Northwest program was present on Friday night, and he told us all these hilarious stories about working in Anchorage, Alaska. A totally insane fact was that this former Jesuit volunteer actually talked to one of my friends from last year's immersion trip to Navajo Nation, Autumn, the night before since she was in his same placement. What a small world!

                 We've been getting all of our produce at the farmer's market under the freeway (not as sketchy as it sounds, I promise). The rest is purchased at a store called 'Grocery Outlet' but we refer to it as 'Gross-Out' because it is pretty gross.

                 On Sunday, a couple of us went to a Methodist service, which was AWESOME! The preacher referred to God as she/her. It was super holistic and had amazing, live music. We had communion, and afterwards you knelt on a pillow and lit a candle and inserted it into a bowl filled with sand. The communion was pieces of bread that we ripped off and dipped into this lemony juice. We sat with one of our in-city coordinators who attends every Sunday. Afterwards, we met the pastor, who told us he would be bringing by ice-cream and pie to the house that evening.

                 The best thing that happened this week was when my friend, Hanna, face-timed me throughout the entire Kacey Musgraves concert in St. Louis. It meant so much to be able to hear her sing, and I really wanted to be there, but this was the second best thing. I'm really grateful to have heard it all, and I got to lay down on my bed and sing along to all the songs I knew. Thank you again, Hanna!

Will update later!

MK in Alkali Flats

[jvc-yearofservice]

8/25/19 - 9/2/19

                 Last Sunday, we were invited to one housemate's boss's enormous and lush country home, which had a great pool. Some of the other Mercy volunteers were there as well and were super friendly. The way to the estate was pretty hilarious. First, our car stalled out, and then the supervisor gave us the most confusing directions ever. She initially sped off super far away on the highway even though she knew we were following her. Then she called us and said she was actually in back of us on the highway and that we should pull off at the nearest exit. Once we exited the highway, she called us and said she was actually in front of us the entire time, so we had to get back on the freeway. We originally really wanted to put the address into the GPS in case we got lost while following her (which we did), but she insisted that the address wouldn't show up on the GPS which was pretty sketchy. After getting off the highway a second time and following her down a dirt path, I joked about how she might be luring us to a killing field. This woman apparently bought her sprawling estate with all her divorce settlement money and paid for the property in cash, which I thought was pretty impressive. One of her employees who was a former member of the addiction treatment program joined us and had an "IAmSober" license plate, which I thought was funny.

                 I've decided to create an Instagram account (@everyday_mustardseed) with pictures uploaded every day that I work there. Work has been pretty nuts lately. Firstly, we doubled the student population overnight (originally 10, now 21 kids)-largest ever has been either 40-60 kids at once. I finally got to meet the LCSW who works there full-time, and she seems pretty nice and helpful for resolving all the trauma in the children. One day in particular was kind of grueling because a parent was nearly an hour late to pick up their kids. We have a protocol at the school that if a child/children are not picked up within a certain amount of time after school ends, then we have to legally call the police, which I really dreaded doing. Thankfully, the parents showed up after some time, which was a godsend because I could only watch so many old episodes of Wishbone with them while they repeatedly asked me where their mom was. I can't imagine the abandonment issues that these kids experience as compared to how I felt whenever my mom was even a fraction of a minute late when I was a kid (and she gave me no reason to feel that way). I've also assisted in compiling files for the intake forms, and I have been taking pictures of the kids for their files which has been surprisingly cute and wholesome. One little girl, however, tried to throw a gang sign in her picture, but I (very gently) grabbed her hand to hide it before the picture was taken.

                 I've noticed some very peculiar behaviors in the children at the school. For example, many sibling groups act very close and are almost at odds with the other sibling groups, as if they were engaged in turf wars, but I think this is another coping mechanism. I feel so sorry for the children who have no siblings since they are pretty much alone and unprotected from the other children's bullying. Many of the kids have expressed not wanting to leave at dismissal and feeling sad when the weekend approaches and school isn't in session. One of my co-workers has a theory about the children's behavior. He thinks that the most well-behaved children are the ones who are the most chronically homeless and more used to it due to them being so grateful for everything they are given, whereas the unrulier kids are newly exposed to the homeless lifestyle which is why they are acting out. One of the teachers spoke about how the more chronically homeless kids are "starved for knowledge" and relish any learning in the classroom.

                 A second car driven by a housemate has bitten the dust (the one that stalled on the way to the supervisor's estate on Sunday). It's unfortunate because this means we are even more restricted in terms of going places and visiting other JVC houses.

                 A fun community night activity took place this week, where we all shared our love language, Myers-Briggs personalities, enneagram numbers, and zodiac sign. My love language is acts of service/devotion, I am INFJ, Type 1, and a Gemini-Cancer cusp. So far, I have learned that there are the following zodiac signs in the house: Gemini-Cancer cusp, Pisces, Sagittarius, Taurus, Scorpio, Libra, and Aquarius. The personality types are: 1 INFJ (Advocate), 1 ENTJ (Commander), 2 ENFJ (Protagonist), and 3 ENFP (campaigner). The most common love language are: 5 quality time, 5 words of affirmation, 3 acts of service/devotion, 1 physical touch, and 1 gifts.

                 A little bit of scandalous news-apparently the JVC stipend is and has been too small for some time. It is a well-known secret in JVC history that many volunteers have side-jobs to make more money than just the monthly stipend. I remember hearing that my dad had a $100 stipend each month, which is kind of strange since that means the stipend has not been adjusted for inflation (aka it's much more expensive to exist today compared to back then). Additionally, California is notoriously expensive, so I'm wondering if the JVC should have made financial changes for stipends depending on how expensive the cost of living is in each city (for example, $100 a month would get you much further in Scranton than Sacramento). Furthermore, apparently the Jesuit Volunteer Corps of Northwest gives their volunteers $300 each month and has much better housing accommodations.

                 This weekend, we drove to Oakland/Berkeley, California, and stayed over at the JV house there. The party on Saturday was 60's/70's theme, and a couple other JV houses from around California came to stay over as well. We got there via car from a former JV and another car that a co-worker rented for us. Then, all together, we traveled to Baker Beach in San Francisco, where we sat on the beach, and I even saw a dead sea lion on the beach, which was understandably gross. P.S. part of the beach was nude which was super unexpected. When we were getting the alcohol for the party at the JV house, we were walking out of CVS, and a bunch of the worst-disguised undercover cops were waiting to card us again on the side walk. Gladly, we handed over our IDs, and one cop even asked one of us who the governor of Wisconsin is (none of us knew). When they were looking at my ID, the cop turned to me and asked suddenly "What year did you graduate high school?" and I immediately answered "2014". He gave it back to me reluctantly, and much to the horror of my housemates, I asked him, "Are you sure you don't want to check it again? I could be lying." That Saturday night, a couple of us went to Taco Bell after the party, and one of my housemates cracked a beer open in line there, and the poor cashier had to ask him to finish it, so he very unapologetically chugged it in front of everyone inside the Taco Bell, which was hilarious. On Friday, we attended a baseball game between the Sacramento Wild Cats and whatever the team name is of San Diego. We won, and there were fireworks, but more importantly, I got to drive an electric car for the first time ever (a fiat)!

                 Lastly, a funny story that I was told this week during community dinner involved a man who told everyone that he was married to a key chain. Since the person who told the story works at a mental health facility, they were not too disturbed by this fact, but they were surprised when eventually the man who was apparently married to a key chain brought in an actual wife one day (who or what is the key chain???)! Another funny occurrence happened to my housemate who works in a kindergarten classroom. They were in the middle of a lesson, and one child raised their hand. The teacher called on them, and they said simply, "My birthday was on Friday." The teacher replied, "I know. We celebrated." She waited a moment and then said, "Anything else?" and the student said "No." I laugh every time I think of this story.

Peace and blessings,

MK

[jvc-yearofservice]

8/18/19 - 8/24/19

"When it comes to matters of social justice and personal conscience, create as much holy mischief as possible."

                 We had our second Spirituality night together, where we shared our favorite songs and then explained why after collectively all listening to them in silence via a speaker. Mine was 'Kiss Me' by Ed Sheeran. For Community night, we watched Nacho Libre and ate dinner at a Mexican restaurant called Tres Hermanas, and when the waiter found out that we were volunteers, he gave us free extra chips for the table and a pitcher of mango margarita (Olé!). The house has been functioning pretty smoothly since we have a shared Google Docs with weekly responsibilities for each person (this week I led Community Night and swept the downstairs hallway). I also cook with the assistance of another housemate on Thursday nights. We also have a collaborative Spotify playlist for our house that we listen to on a speaker (lots of ABBA because I created it, heehee).

                 Work has been more prepping and getting ready for the kids, who come on Thursday. The other Jesuit volunteer and I went to the California DMV to get new licenses since we will be driving children around for our job (me more so than her). It was a pretty easy experience, except we didn't bring proof of residence so we had to pretend that the teacher who dropped us off at the DMV was our landlord, and he had to sign a form saying that we lived in his building. Then we had to take a written test, and I failed the first time around, haha! But eventually, I passed, and I got my new license, hooray!

                 One of our housemates hasn't been having the best time getting transportation to work, however. Apparently, the volunteer in her position had to have her parents pay for an Uber/taxi every day to and from her site (PS7 St. Hope elementary school) because the walk/bike ride there is so stressful and unsafe. When we were all visiting each other's sites, we walked together to this particular site, and even in a huge group, I will say that it was incredibly sketchy and unsafe-looking, so I do not blame my housemate for not wanting to walk BY HERSELF AT 5 IN THE MORNING to work. So far, she has contacted our regional coordinator, and he suggested that she simply take a different route, one that is much longer. All of us are behind her, however, and she is close to having her parents drive her car all the way from Boston to Sacramento because she feels like she is getting nowhere with the JVC in terms of being provided with transportation. Likewise, all the community credit cards from every single site in the JVC were declined and found to not properly work (the money we use for groceries, etc). They have since fixed the problem and promised to give us all an extra $100 for our troubles but later changed their minds and didn't give us the extra money (sad face). The most hilarious part was definitely when the administration posted on the JVC 2019 Facebook page to update us all to the problem with the credit cards, and all the volunteers were commenting hilarious things about how they were eating their own shoes for survival, haha. Another funny thing is that I recently compared the JVC to being the pimp of the volunteers since all of our work sites pay the JVC a fee to have a volunteer (and our free labor), and the JVC keeps the money, only giving us a small portion of our earnings in the form of a $100 stipend each month.

                 On the weekend, we got to swim in a former Jesuit volunteer's pool which was awesome, but my face definitely got a little burnt. I've taken to just wearing my ball cap any time I'm outside to prevent further skin damage. Then on Sunday, we attended mass at St. Francis church, which was founded by the Franciscans hundreds of years ago. We sat with another former Jesuit volunteer and our current in-city coordinator, Windi, who is awesome! I even got to hold her amazingly cute infant daughter during mass! The presiding priest was Irish which made the homily infinitely cooler, in my opinion. After mass, we went to a welcome brunch put on by the parish (mainly for the free food), and all these elderly members were so welcoming and fought over who got to sit at our table. We even signed up for a weekend night ministry opportunity to cater to the homeless that sit on the church steps.

                 More information on the homeless issues in Sacramento: I've been talking to the teachers at Mustard Seed, and apparently it is not that uncommon for children to show up for the school year, not speaking any language (not sure if from trauma or educational neglect or both). One group of siblings even created their own language that only they understood but spoke no other language a couple years ago.  It is also common for homeless children to have never been in school before the age of 7 or by middle school. The cost of living in Sacramento is lower than more of the bigger cities like L.A. or San Francisco, but it is still a lot higher than the cost of living in my hometown, St. Louis. For example, rent for one-room apartments are about $1,000 or more a month, and there are many well-off people we know here who live with several people in a small space in order to afford rent. Likewise, apartment applications cost money, which the homeless cannot afford, and even motel costs add up quickly. The homelessness here is largely attributed to the landlord's refusal to rent to anyone who cannot readily set aside 1/4 of their income for rent.

                 Our first day of school was this week, and I'm already pretty smitten! I have so far played with kids on the playground, drawn several chalk animals, packed bags for families, and sat in on two intakes. As expected, the children are deeply traumatized but fiercely resilient at the same time. Disassociating in the children is a huge problem for the teachers due to the difficulty it takes to bring a child out of that state while other children are nearby.        Some drama that occurred on the first day: Towards the end of the day, the fish bowl was broken, and the fish (formerly named 'Johnson' and now renamed 'Superdog' by the children) fell out of the bowl and onto the floor, where he laid for several minutes out of water. Thankfully, he was rescued by the homeroom teacher when she returned. For now, he is inhabiting a mason jar with some of his pebbles from before. Something that has been surprisingly fun is my job of making the backpacks for the newly enrolled children. Each backpack is chosen with care (only the highest quality of all the donations), and I strived to choose backpacks matching the personalities of their future owners based off my brief interactions with the children. Inside every backpack is a:

                 -journal

                 -binder

                 -highlighters

                 -crayons

                 -markers

                 -loose-leaf

                 -colored pencils

                 -ruler

                 -pens

                 -pencils

                 -pencil sharpener

                 -erasers

                 -shampoo

                 -conditioner

                 -tissues

                 -soap

                 -deodorant

                 -hand sanitizer

                 -toothbrush and toothpaste

                 -package of clean underwear

                 -package of clean socks

                 Although a lot of the staff have commented on how they feel sorry that I have to pack all these backpacks in a tiny room, I'm actually having a lot of fun with it. I put on my Latin dancing music, and I move around quickly and organize and pack the bags. I nearly missed my break on the second day because I was so concentrated on making backpacks. Part of the fun of making the backpacks is imagining the looks on the kids' faces when they see how I color-coordinated their supplies or included a toy. I supervised recess and played soccer with one little boy, and I chatted with the kids about whether Cartoon Network or Disney Channel was better while they waited to be picked up. One of the teachers also gave me and my housemate some iced coffees one morning as a thanks for helping him clean his room. On the morning of school starting, we also all received some flowers from the administration. Something funny that happened too is that a nurse asked me what grade I was in, and her eyes nearly popped out of her head when I told her I had just finished my master’s degree. Something I have been looking forward to is getting free bagels and cream on Friday's with my co-workers.

                 One of the drawbacks of serving at this placement is the walk to and from there. The walk to the school includes walking by fresh urine, feces, and general human waste. I have become quite a pro at breathing out of my mouth. I'm also not a huge fan of being hassled by drunk or otherwise intoxicated men. Additionally, the girl who had my position last year got lice from the children, so I'll be careful to keep my hair braided and away from contact.

                 On one weekday night, we went to an open-mic performance at a coffee shop, called Speak Out Sacramento. It occurs twice a month, and it is run by one of the bosses of one of my housemate's sites. I enjoyed sitting and listening to poems, songs, and experimental narrations even though I didn't have money for a beer or coffee. Something hilarious that I learned lately was that one of the founders of Loaves and Fishes, Chris Delaney, hosted a movie night at her house for the previous Jesuit volunteers. One movie night, they ended up watching a pretty explicit movie, and the volunteers were visibly nervous at watching this in the presence of someone so well-respected by the service community. Seeing this, Chris (a very tiny and old woman) laughed at them and asked them if this was really their first time seeing these things. Any time I see her handing out lemonade at lunch, she always comments on how I'm smiling whenever she sees me, and I always tell her, "What's there not to smile about?"

P.S. When living simply, always get super glue! It's very helpful for any broken item, and I've already glued two pairs of shoes back together.  :)

XOXO

MK

[jvc-yearofservice]

8/11/19 - 8/17/19

8/11/19 - 8/18/19

"Never underestimate your ability to make someone else's life better-even if you don't know it."

                 Many new things happening! Led my first Spirituality Night this week; I read a passage from the Bible about when God called to Samuel and Samuel thought it was Eli calling him. We also lit candles for it, and I had follow-up questions that we discussed afterwards. At the end, we all had a group hug which was hilarious. Work has been moving quickly-the staff have lovingly referred to the process of acclimating as "baptism by fire". I've kept hearing about the 'ministry of presence', which a lot of people who serve the homeless experience. It's basically (from what I've gathered so far) is when a person intentionally spends time with and radically, completely accepts the homeless for what they are. They are not judgmental, and they are simply blessed with grace by being with the homeless, whether it is just being there physically, through an emotional crisis, or standing with them, advocating, while society continues to push them to the margins. Some things that I've done at work so far are: picking fruit from a tree, cleaning classrooms, and painting furniture for the classroom. I have also received a free backpack, keys to the campus, and a water bottle from my work. A co-worker who trimmed the vegetation on the property let me take home an aloe plant for my room.

                 The first day of work included a short hike with my co-workers where we chatted about our life stories and ate lunch at some picnic tables. Then we visited Nevada City very briefly, which was a very cute and interesting little town. I was kind of sad because my cousin, Sydney, had just been there for her wilderness camp summer job. After that, we mainly focused on preparing the classrooms for children and doing trainings and conferences with my co-workers. A really horrific but informative presentation on mandated reporters and child abuse really took the wind out of me (imagine pictures of bite marks on infants), but I tried to practice self-care by getting a diet soda at a nearby gas station. Despite this, I believe I'm still in the right place after we discussed the use of positive discipline (an approach which I highly prefer!). It basically is a more respectful and trauma-informed/developmentally appropriate approach to working with children in which children are always given the opportunity to make the right choice instead of simply telling them what they've done wrong or punishing them right away. The approach is based off a book called 'Positive Discipline' by Jane Nelson. My co-workers seem really supportive and funny, and it is technically a tradition to get matching tattoos together at the end of the year (sorry, mom and dad). One teacher there actually has a tattoo that says "Holy mischief", which basically means that there are some in the Church whose job is to cause discomfort and challenge those in power in order to make progress. Sometimes the co-workers all go out to a bar together and do karaoke, but they refer to it as "choir practice" in front of the children, which I think is absolutely fabulous.

                 There is a stray cat that lives there now named Silver, and I have already petted him and taken selfies with him. Another really awesome place that we visited with my work is called Hospitality House, founded by the folk singer, Utah Philips. It accepts anyone who needs shelter (including those under the influence, yay!), and they told us this heart-breaking story about when there were not enough beds for everyone for the night, so the guests communally decided to self-select which people should stay based off how old, weak, or needy they were. Something they mentioned was the need for hospice houses for the homeless where people can die in peace (as compared to a hospital where they would be surrounded by those who may not understand them and may attempt to prolong their life against their will).

                 Another funny thing to mention is that when we all sit down for dinner, we all literally say "Grace!" together as a form of mealtime prayer, which always cracks up our visitors. We've been really lucky so far, since we have been brought food, cleaning supplies, beer, and anything else we've needed. The people that bring us those things are mainly FJV's (former Jesuit Volunteer) or the parents of current/former volunteers. The other food mainly comes from the farmer's market that is located under a giant freeway. We enjoyed walking around, chatting with people, and eating the free samples for lunch. I even bought a plant for my room, and I named it 'Serafina'.

                 Going out has been pretty hard since we do not have money for covers or drinks. We went into a free club and danced but left eventually because it was so empty. Then we all walked back together and took some funny photos on a public sculpture. Eventually, we tried a gay bar which was more fun, but without drinks, we got bored pretty easily. On another day, we attempted to attend a block party, which I incorrectly assumed would have free food for us (block parties back home in Missouri have an abundance of free food and sparklers).

                 A couple more things that I've learned about the homeless crisis: there is a California law that any homeless family can enroll in public school if they spend at least one night in that district, kids are often used to covering their eyes or ears in order to not hear things that happen around them for their own safety, and newly sober homeless people are encouraged to not see people from their non-sober past for at least three years because they could relapse (which means that unfortunately many people trying to get sober are not able to watch someone detox successfully).

                 We are still getting used to the house. There's an alarm that we set manually whenever we leave, and I have definitely accidentally set it off at least once. One night, my housemates got locked out and rang the doorbell in the middle of watching a really scary movie, and it scared us all so much, haha! Something that stinks is that our packages have been mysteriously disappearing (none of mine, yet!), and the general consensus is that they've been stolen off our front porch while we're all at work. My two packages have arrived safely, but my housemate's package of things from home couldn't be found. It makes sense due to the constant need for basic supplies for the homeless, but I may just start sending my packages to a local FedEx office or my workplace.

Will update later!

MK

[jvc-yearofservice]

8/7/19 - 8/10/19

"I give myself permission to try and fail."

           Today, we visited two of our placement sites: The Cottage House (housing community for homeless) and Mustard Seed/Loaves and Fishes (my site!). Loaves and Fishes is interesting in that it provides several different services like a men's housing unit for the homeless, a female and children's housing unit for the homeless, a free diner for the homeless, and a free school for homeless children. It also turns out that I get lunch there every day for free (yehaw!!!). We also got to meet one of the founders, an older woman named Chris who actually lives in the house behind ours. She told us that this house used to be a Catholic Worker House (which is so funny because I used to volunteer in the Catholic Worker House in St. Louis, Karen House, in high school!), and it also functioned as a place for those with HIV/AIDS to live for a while since it used to be legal to deny renting or buying to those with that diagnosis. She also told us that we can have two plots of her garden for growing our own food, which we plan to try. At night, we were walking around looking at Sacramento, and a former Jesuit Volunteer recognized us from the JVC Instagram pictures, which was really funny.

           Likewise, I forgot to mention before, but we also technically live on the second floor of the house because the first floor is occupied by formerly homeless men who are part of the transitional housing program. They are very nice and will hold our packages over the weekend if they are delivered while we are away. They have a black and white cat named Comet who actually bit me today when I was petting it. We will also have retreats and meetings over the year with the Western region of the JVC, and each placement is actually in charge of hosting one, big holiday party, and our holiday is Christmas (don't worry, mom. I will be home for Christmas). Last year's people who lived in this house actually saved up for the party by buying $40 visa gift cards every month from their community budget, which is think is pretty clever. Another clever hack for the JVC is one that a former Jesuit Volunteer did for free food: he went on tinder dates and mentioned that he only has a small stipend every month to live on, and his dates would always pay for the meal because they felt bad.

           Another funny thing that I forgot to mention is that we are allowed to date volunteers from other houses, but we are encouraged not to start a relationship with someone in our own house because it could create conflict. That being said, one of my house-mates is the child of two former Jesuit Volunteers who were in the same house back in the 80's.

           We also learned that it is illegal to ride your bike on the side-walk in California (only in a bike lane), and previous Jesuit volunteers have been fined $45 for riding on the sidewalk. We haven't used the bikes yet, but I plan on using my bike to ride to work on some days since it is so close to the house. It's also a quick walk, so I can always do that, and I will probably be doing that for a bit since one of my housemates who is at the same placement as me doesn't know how to ride a bike, but we are going to teach her this weekend probably.

           Another fun thing that you can do in the JVC is to compete for the 'House Cup'. Our house won last year, so we still have the House Cup and the prize, which is a disco, light-up picture of the last supper. Every year, the JVC will send out challenges for the volunteers to complete on film, and the house with the most completed challenges will win the House Cup (and infinite bragging rights).

           Not to scare my parents or anyone, but there is apparently a lot of petty theft that happens in Sacramento and our neighborhood. Mainly, people steal bikes or pieces of bikes, but a couple years ago, a volunteer's company car was stolen, haha. We have been figuring out our alarm system though, and we managed to accidentally set it off in the middle of the night (sorry, neighbors). Our housing manager is named Ruben, and he said that our neighbors know that we are living here and promise to check in on us. Likewise, the guys downstairs have been known to protect the house whenever the volunteers are there or not there.

           Finally, the social justice issue most at-hand here is homelessness. I really had no idea that California struggled so much with homelessness, but apparently it's historically been a problem and is steadily increasing. But why? Well, some think it is because the housing market is in such a bad state, because rent is so expensive, because of the rising cost of living, etc. Apparently, one of the problems here is that in colder states, police cannot tell anyone to leave their tent or camp without a confirmed place for them to go next (I guess since it's so cold outside in the winter), but in California, no one is guaranteed housing and can be told to just go away without a secured place at a shelter. It is also illegal for someone to stay in the same place for more than two nights, and you can be fined for staying longer than two nights (where is the logic here?????). Those who have been fined for staying for more than two days can work off their fine at Fishes and Loaves in the kitchen or doing other services. My supervisor was really astute when she said that the homeless are basically being fined for existing, which is so horrible.

           Tomorrow and this week, we are visiting more sites (Wake the Village/Tubman House, DLCS inc., St. Hope PS7 elementary, St. Hope PS7 middle). Someone really interesting that we've met so far is named 'Computer Gabe' who was previously on the FBI's Most Wanted List for fraud and forgery, and he was in a recovery home through a similar program to the Cottage House placement. Now, he's a Social Worker, but he did discuss how he doesn't believe in Housing First (even though it's backed up by sooooo much data but okay), and it worried me that someone in my own field of practice would not accept an evidence-based intervention due to personal biases. He claimed that he had street experience so he knew better than the data, and he complained that if people were not drug-tested in order to be in the program, they would take advantage of the program and would just be lazy all day. He also rhetorically asked us, "So you want to live in a world where we house other people basically for free while we pay for them?" YES!!! He also referred a movie for us to watch which sounds interesting, 'Seattle is Dying'. I don't want to judge him because I'm sure his own experience is valid in itself, and he has also been working with this population for a long time. At orientation, we briefly discussed a common pitfall of new volunteers, which is to engage in righteous anger at others who do not heed the call, so I'm trying to avoid that and just accept that others believe differently than me, but I still have a lot of work to do, so I'm just going to concentrate on myself and what I can do for now.

           It's been cold at night and the early morning, but we also have fans and individual air conditioning units since we do not have central air. It's been really hot during the day, but it's a dry heat, which I readily prefer to the humid heat in St. Louis. We've also set up days for our business meeting night, spirituality night, and community night. Our business meetings will occur on Sunday nights, where we will talk about grocery lists, general house-keeping, and other things pertaining to the house. Spirituality nights will occur on Tuesday, where one person will lead the group in an activity that encourages spiritual connection or reflection. Community nights will occur on Wednesday nights, where the group will do activities that encourage us to bond and work as a community. For example, we had our community night this week by watching Lady Bird together, which is set in Sacramento. I will admit though that the first business meeting where we were deciding chore responsibilities and grocery lists was kind of overwhelming for me because I could not do it all entirely by myself. I needed to rely on my housemates, which stressed me out because I'm used to doing everything on my own. It is important, however, to 'lean into discomfort' as the Jesuits say, so that I may grow and challenge myself to be better than I already am.

Peace,

MK

[jvc-yearofservice]

8/6/19 :First Night There!

          Greetings from California! Tonight is our first night here, and I'm very glad to finally be settling down in our new house for the year after a long day of traveling. The night before, we had a talent show (Casa Iggy aka my house did a fantastic version of the 'So long, farewell, Auf Wierdersen, goodbye' song from the Sound of Music) to balance out the emotions of all the Jesuit volunteers after a very sentimental and intimate 'missioning' ceremony where we received our crosses and pictures of those our house was named after (Ignatius Loyola obvi), where I almost cried!

           Today, one of my housemates turned to me and told me she finally felt relaxed for the first time since beginning JVC, and I could tell her with absolute confidence that I have been completely at ease with my decision and all of the uncertainty (doesn't sound like me, I know). Perhaps I'm in shock or denial, or I just know that this is the right place for me to be right now. I have this annoying tendency to over-plan things which end up making me more miserable, so I'm attempting to shut down any thoughts of 'What will I do next year?' as soon as they enter my mind so that I can just ride out this wave and see where it takes me. When you give up control to the universe and a higher power, things will happen for you effortlessly. This is a lesson that I have learned the hard way and am still learning in some ways.

           As we were loading the buses for the airport, we all collectively realized that the bus would be too small for everyone the JVC had planned to put on it (along with a year's worth of packing). Still, we worked as a team and everyone from the Western region of the JVC ended up loading the bus with everyone in it, even though me and a couple other people had to sit on top of suitcases and bus seats.

           Eventually, we got to the house in Sacramento via our very nice and amazing in-city coordinators and supports! They also bought us pizza which we consumed like it was our last meal. Figuring out rooms was simple and complicated at the same time. Someone said they felt safer on the top floor. Another person argued that they should have the room with the bathroom attached because they were another gender. We all made a promise to not have expectations, but we also had expectations in our minds that we would never say out loud. I originally wanted the room with the bathroom attached because it was in the back of the house on the first floor (cooler because heat rises), and it was far enough away from everyone that I could be alone if I wanted to. However, I ended up picking a room that I normally wouldn't have gone for, but I love it now. It's two rooms away from the front door, and it's one of the smallest rooms in the house, but it also has a purple ceiling and really cute vibe about it. When I unpacked, it seemed like everything fit perfectly (just enough room in the dressers and closet, all my things fit on the counters and drawers), so I knew this was truly my room. Not everyone was super happy with their room, so we ended up moving furniture around like crazy until people were satisfied enough to sleep. The haunted room (apparently not haunted according to past Jesuit volunteers that lived here previously that we met today) will be the guest bedroom due to it having two beds. I did switch my mattress with one of the mattresses in the haunted room, and one of my housemates told me later that she was confused that I would take that specific mattress since it had old bloodstains all over it. Oh well.

           In all, I'm very satisfied with my decision to take a year of service and to take the smaller room in the house that I was not initially into. I feel that the quaintness of the room and the simplicity of my items is really starting to make me understand the value of living simply. That being said, I did just order new shoes off of Amazon because the original shoes that I bought for this trip broke a day or so ago, so I'll just be limping around Sacramento until those new shoes arrive.

[jvc-yearofservice]

First Day of Orientation! (8/1/19)

           It's officially the first day of orientation to the Jesuit Volunteer Corps today. I'll be here in Philadelphia for training until the 6th, and then I'll be flying straight to Sacramento with my housemates. From the 7th to the 13th, we will get to know the city and get settled, so we can start our new jobs on the 14th. The entire day was a bit of a whirlwind but also fun, and it was repeatedly brought up what a radical decision it is for someone in their 20's, fresh from college/graduation, to be voluntarily signed up for a program where we have a super tiny stipend of $100 per month (transferred onto a reloadable debit card), $90 for groceries each, and choosing to live with virtually a bunch of strangers who will not be guaranteed to be your friend or even get along with you. I've questioned this decision a thousand times in my head and even sometimes verbally, wondering if this was the right choice for me at this time. At this exact moment, I do think so. Something feels very right to be here -on my own, away from what I know is safe and normal. To be challenged.

           I never got to explain why I ultimately decided to try my luck at the JVC, but I can say it now, even if it is kind of weird or silly. Several months ago, I was working at a public school for my Social Work Masters practicum, and I was sure that I wouldn't be staying there but was not sure what I was do afterwards. At that time, I was reading a book about a Bengal tiger who targeted and killed an exorbitant amount of humans in India and Nepal during British colonial times. An exceptional hunter and Irishman, named Jim Corbett, who grew up in that region with his family was called on to kill the tiger since it kept evading capture and was continuing to kill at its leisure (No Beast So Fierce by Dan Huckelbridge). He ultimately kills the tiger, but while reading this book and after finishing it, I was left with a yearning to live as Jim Corbett once did. After killing the tiger, Jim Corbett goes on to hunt down man-eating animals all around the world, answering the calls of whoever needed him. Something about the way he was able to move from country to country or even continent to continent had answered a very important internal question about what I wanted to do next year. Did I want to stay in comfort, in the city of my birth? Or did I want to continue challenging myself by trying new things and leaving behind what is already known to me?

           Like this hunter, I too could (for a year or my life) temporarily hold onto my roots and explore the world. The only downside was that I would be giving up the chance to start chiseling a place out for myself in the world by getting an apartment and paying off my loans. I would also have an entire year's worth of salary if I had stayed and gone to work right away. A large part of me always answers this complaint with "It's just money. Money is not the whole world", but I also recognize that just because money has not been that important to me so far in my life, this is also the time currently and from now on where money will be dictating so many of my decisions since I've depended on my parents for so long financially and not had to deem money as important (privilege alert, ding ding!). Another issue with wanting to have money and accumulate wealth is that it makes me ashamed as a Catholic and someone who sees how harmful and fatal greed can be to an entire society. I try to fight every day against beliefs and policies that virtually try to exterminate the poor, disabled, and oppressed and which subsequently try to justify why so little amount of people have everything and so many people have nothing. If my dream is centered around building wealth (and therefore some sense of security), am I as much to blame as the rich who I resent for hoarding money?

           On the flip side, though, there is no way to live in this society/world without money, and that is not my fault at all. As much as I would like to live in a world without money or exploited labor, I must survive by working and getting money in order to help the greater good. It seems to me that some of these religious organizations who say "live simply" are a bit hypocritical for calling us out on our totally justifiable need to have some money to survive, while they are sitting on millions of dollars that came from un-taxed donations. I feel guilty and torn for wanting money and wanting a simple lifestyle, but I also recognize that even Ignatius Loyola and all the other Jesuits were not free of greed like me. When a Jesuit joins the order, he is doing so with the knowledge that he will be fed, taken care of, and paid for by the entire religious order, so this existence is not as radical as it seems to me now. Yes, it is radical to give up the ability to marry or have children, but now you will be cared for unequivocally and without question for the rest of your life by a greater power than you, and that provides a lot of security to someone's life. For me, I have no greater financial power to look after me so concretely, and so I must continue to work for the rest of my life for suitable funds to live on. So, in that line of thinking, am I not the more radical one and living more simply than the Jesuits themselves?

           No, we are all the same in that we are all just trying to be better than what we already are. That being said, I'm excited for the rest of orientation and meeting all these new people. One of my house-members informed me that she was told how one of the rooms in the house we are living in for a year is haunted by a benevolent ghost who no one knows anything about! Apparently, one specific room gets the most hauntings, and it is common for steps to be heard coming down the stairs or in the house, and books are often pulled out and off of cabinets that have been closed/locked. So awesome!

           Some logistics very quickly: we have 10 vacation days from our work, can visit other JVC houses because apparently each house hosts random parties throughout the year, and I do have to get a California driver's license which is unfortunate, but I also get my own room in our house in Sacramento! Yeehaw! My new address is:

619 12th Street

Sacramento, CA 95814

           I'll be starting at Mustard Seed School on August 14th, and my hours there will be 7:30am-3:30pm Monday through Friday. My job will be involving homeless children's outreach, so I will be picking up kids from homeless shelters, motels, etc. to bring them to our transitional school/housing while their parents find a place for them all to stay, and I will also be helping out at the daycare and preschool on some days. To get there, I will walk or ride a bike that is provided by the house in Sacramento (even though my work offered to get me one too). Sorry if I am not answering my phone a lot either since we are technically on a retreat and supposed to stay present as much as possible.

Will try to keep updating when I can!

Ciao,

MK

[jvc-yearofservice]

First post!

Okay, so I’m technically not really there yet, but I leave for Philadelphia and orientation on the last day of July. Although I’ve done a ton of work in preparation for my year of service, it still feels a bit abstract to me. There are times when I feel like I could panic about the impending year and all the uncertainties that will come with it, but I’ve been trying my hardest to just let things happen as they will and accept what I can’t change. There are times when I lay in bed and think about what this year will mean in the grand scheme of things. A part of me wonders if this is a totally illogical step backwards career-wise and if I would be better off getting started on paying back my student loans and saving up money for a mortgage. Still, I do crave adventure and feel like any relinquishment of freedom now may result in a permanent settling down in my hometown. For now, I will let God decide where I go and try to give a little bit of control back to the universe each day so that I’m not so exhausted at night.

MK