kaiiponz - Tumblr blog

[kaiiponz]

warmth of a burning cabin/freeflow

I’ve been stuck in a space between my mind and body. Disconnected from the realities of challenges I'm faced with day to day. What is it about these hurdles that I find so hard to get around? I believe it may have something to do with my floating bones, caught in the air, hovering just above the ground. I can smell the rain-drenched earth, it floods my senses and overwhelms my system.

 I long for the days when I’d go to bed so excited for the new light, my giddy smile so whole it’s like a lighthouse for the souls that strayed beyond their path. I hold the ability to recognize my consciousness in such a way that allows me to observe my mind's afflictions; blessed and cursed with such a perspective. It allows me to indulge the validity of my thoughts. A warm, fire-soaked cabin within my mind that lets me escape the harsh realities of my story and take the time to reflect on my needs. Although sometimes, my cabin is dressed in hues of gray, the roofing begins to give way, and in the blink of an eye, the fire containing my warmth erupts and engulfs the safety I’ve created within the walls of my mind. 

There’s something comforting in knowing the unpredictable power of the elements around us. Submitting to the earth and understanding the little amount of control we really have. As much disdain I hold for the moments when my cabin is erupting into flames, it reminds me to plant my feet in the mud, to breathe the air that continues to revitalize my soul, and to remember how insignificant we are in the grand scheme of our mothers' world. 

We are meant to live and die just as everything else. My life wouldn’t be lived if I didn’t connect with these intense emotional battles because life is pain. It’s inevitable to feel as though you’ve sunken far beyond the earth's surface when you get a taste of what’s in the clouds. 

To live is to love and to love is to hurt. It’s a cycle that will never end, as much stability as you may crave, you never know when the next earthquake will shake the photos from your walls and transform what stands around you. And so it’s important to remember that everyone's cabin goes through renovations. We all have moments when the light pouring through window panes falls so perfectly on the walls of our home, highlighting the most beautiful pieces of what surrounds us. Though there are also moments for us all when we want to block the light from touching us, we drape the curtains over the window and lock our doors so no one can come near. 

That’s life, our job is finding a healthy balance between the two and fighting like hell against the ever changing landscapes, remembering how quickly everything you’ve come to know can change, and being willing to accept and grow within the new environment you now stand in.