kalamitywitch

[kalamitywitch]

Long time no see

[kalamitywitch]

Omfg. I absolutely love the Coast Guard AU. It's everything.

Thank you!!! It brings me such joy to think about it.

Imagine you are a sailor. You're used to long distance ocean travel, you know how to operate, its whatever. One day, youre leaning over the side of a cargo ship because your buddy thought he saw something, and WOAH WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? its some kind of strange creature, with a weird goat face and front legs and a long curling tail and teeth, and its not a SEAL and you have no idea what it is and BAM. The ship rocks and jolts you right over the side into the ocean.

You hit the water (hard) get jostled by the waves and come up spitting salt as you watch your ship pass you right by, no alarm sounded cause, oh yeah, you were alone and its night time.

And pretty soon you can only watch helplessly treading water as, even with the sun coming up, your ship travels over the horizon to leave you absolutely stranded.

And you begin to freak out a little. Because you know the statistics. You know what happens. You fall off a ship out here and it goes un reported for too long and theres less and less chance of rescue and all it depends on is how much time it'll take for someone to notice youre even gone and Oh God you'll never be found, is this it? Is this how its gonna be? You're gonna drown out here with nothing and nobody and no one's coming to save you and-Oh here comes a boat.

Its a fishing boat. Or it looks like one. Small, but puttering along at a good pace and you wave and scream and try to get noticed, and immediately it slides right up to you, and you dont think you've ever been happier to see a boat, and you take note of the Stan O War II painted lovingly over the side and then two heads pop over the railings, so identical you almost think you're hallucinating.

"Hey there!" Says an old man, smiling with a gap in his teeth. "You need a hand?"

He pulls you aboard with the grace of someone who's done it a million times before, and in the time it takes you to lift a towel to dry your hair he has effectively taken your blood pressure and oxygen levels, temperature, checked you for broken bones, and declared that you are a little dehydrated and cold, but otherwise okay.

The other man, who has up until this point been handing the other one supplies and taking notes, explains that they're out so far researching mythical creatures, and you can tell hes gearing up for the sort of lecture you can only give someone when they are stranded in a vehicle with you. Luckily you manage to interrupt (by accident) by saying that a strange creature was why you fell off your boat.

There is a beat of silence.

The man who helped you aboard (Stan, you will later learn) sighs and pats you on the shoulder like youre a soldier off to war. "Now you've done it." He says. "Ill get us all some food. We'll be here a while." Before his brother basically grabs you and forces you to recount every possible detail about what you saw. What color? What shape? Did you see its teeth? What KIND of teeth? Can he put you down as a primary source for his research paper on Sea Monster migration habits? Pretty please?

By the time you finally get away, you're nearing a harbor, and Stan winks at you as he picks up the radio and says something along the lines of "Hey, its us again, we got another one."

And a long suffering sigh crackles through the comm as some poor overworked coast guard operator says, tiredly and like they've said it a million times, "Mr Pines please, youre supposed to be retired."

And thats how you, a sailor, get saved by two of the most notorious retirees on the open seas, and also how you were thanked very graciously in a published scientific research book about sea monsters written by one Stanford Pines.

Probably your weirdest week out on the ocean, lets be honest.

[kalamitywitch]

people keep asking me if they can pet stanpiper. buddy, he won’t even let ford pet him

[kalamitywitch]

? // REAPER AU //

[kalamitywitch]

Coast Guard AU canceled you guys because Stan Pines without hair is terrible.cancelled. Wrap it up.

I thought “Oh!! Maybe if I add glasses, army issued glasses, maybe then it won’t be so bad? Maybe we can save this?” WRONG.

The army issued glasses are literally called “Birth Control Glasses” because they’re so ugly. Absolutely terrible. Awful.

[kalamitywitch]

I got bored, so I figured I’d draw Stan, Emma-May, Fiddleford and Ford from my fic, the Dos and Donts of Vampirism

Which was based on this post by @aroace-get-out-of-my-face

[kalamitywitch]

Stanford's unsure about what to do with his amnesiac brother, while a certain someone is upset about the recent developments...

FIRST | PREV | NEXT Extra 1 | Extra 2 | Extra 3 | Extra 4

[kalamitywitch]

I know there are so many college Stan aus where Stan goes to backupsmore alongside ford and fidds (sometimes just fidds), but I honestly how cool would it be if Stanley somehow ends up going to university- BUT IM MEXICO!!!!

Like after being banned in so many states, feeling like Gus life has no purpose he tries to start anew for the hud tenth time in a different country. And Stanley is good at Spanish, despite what everyone thought Stanley could actually have good grades in some classes without his brothers help, and one of those classes was Spanish.

He’s not going to lie and say he was incredible, but his accent was never as thick as fords and he caught on rather quickly.

Now in Mexico, he’s catching onto to slang rather quickly and has managed to find himself a decent (and legal) job and a place to crash. The old man who hired him was kind, always looking out for him and occasionally inviting him over to eat at his house, his wife a sweet dark skinned woman on the chubbier side. She had short light brown hair and hazelnut eyes the little up every time Stanley went over.

(He had a feeling the light in her eyes wasn’t specifically because of Stanley, but because of the son that looked too much like Stanley, too much like ford-)

It’s been almost a year since Stanley moved to Mexico, and a few months since he started going over to their home. The conversation started out a bit differently this time. No “how have you been mijo?” “Are you going to el jaripeo, maybe find a nice lady?” “Are you eating well, corazoncito?”, instead it started with a

“have you ever thought of going to college?”

Stanley had spit out his food in shock, his eyes wide as he stared at Mrs.Velazquez who just smiled sadly, her wrinkled hand wrapping softly around Stan’s.

“We had money saved up for our son, he always dreamed of being able to go to college, do something better with his life. But god had different plans.”

In other words, found family + Stan gets a college education + It’s in Mexico + Stan has a better life!

[kalamitywitch]

what it sounds like - pines family

[kalamitywitch]

Mmmm thinking about Stan waking up in the woods post Bill's defeat and his only "memory" is just the faint and disconcerting feeling of a gun against his skull; it's not an unfamiliar feeling, either, and neither is the fear that rises within him moments later. Stan who is at this point nothing but four limbs barely working in tandem and the unshakeable instinct of being hunted coursing through his veins--- he has no choice but to run. He's in a forest, sun setting, darkness creeping up on him as strange sounds emanate from the trees, and he runs.

Ford, watching the sun set and desperate to find his brother before dark--- no idea what kind of state he's in, no idea if he's even alive, seeing the flash of his own trench coat through the rough, needle-coated pine trees and running after him. Not realizing how it would seem to a memory-less Stan for a man in a suit, with a gun, to run after him, calling a name-that-might-be-his. Stan running harder, faster, breaths heaving in cigarette-smoke-damaged lungs and itchy red turtleneck sweater constricting around his carotid, pounding in time with his quaking heart.

Stan tripping on the root in the dusk and going to his knees, pain rattling through his aged joints; Ford finding him on the ground, rushing to him desperately, but Stan only has distant and distorted images of pain and fear and death in his mind. Ford reaching out for his brother and Stan flinching back, mouth forming airlessly around sobs for mercy. Ford watching his brother, who he has known only as bright and loud and unshakable, shrink away into himself, beg for peace or at least a quick death. Ford shuddering to a stop, realizing that, even if not on purpose, his brother sees him as nothing but a threat.

Mabel and Dipper seeing all of this too.

[kalamitywitch]

Oh how I love torturing my favorite characters :)

(REUPLOAD BC I REALIZED I POSTED THE LOW QUALITY VIDEO 💔💔💔)

(This is more of what I would typically post in my side blog, but I'm gonna be completely honest, l just didn't wanna re-record it with the other user LMAOAO)

Also here’s the still frames :p

[kalamitywitch]

feelin kinda glum, drew some pyramidstan

[kalamitywitch]

Pudu

[kalamitywitch]

shape language

[kalamitywitch]

What about Scardy Stan panicking about the living house? Does he wander the shifting house, spiraling more and more, thinking he's going insane? Or does he think the Creature That Tried To Eat Him is back? Does he have a panic attack in the middle of the hallway? Does he cling to Ford even harder because the House only changes when he's alone? Does he panicking so hard he tries to jump out a window and Ford barely stops him in time??? And now Ford thinks his brother is suicidal and Oh God how is he going to fix this? His twin brother was almost eaten, is always -12 seconds from a stress heart attack, and now he wants to kill himself?????

I NEED ANSWERS [double-checks home page for pronouns] WOMAN!!!!

Dark Lord! Love the new Highway to Home fic (one of my personal fave fic you have done so far) It is very Cruel of you to implant the idea that Stanford could potentially rescue his Brother early but the only emotion thats left of him is fear and terror. So I want to asked you Can I asked you to expand on what that scenario is like? Being Constantly afraid of everything? I gots to know if there is a senario where this is semi/permanent thing Stan and Ford has to deal with- Thank you

Nyehehehe >:)

The earlier Ford rescued Stan, the more emotions Stan would have had. Stan would still have other feelings besides terror and fear, but those two would be the strongest.

So in this scenario Stan would have flopped down, very winded from almost getting eaten then dragged through a magic portal, passed out, then woke up very skittish when Ford dragged him to get washed up. There wouldn't be any red flags for behavior yet, as Stan did almost get eaten and is too tired to really do more than follow Ford around and jump whenever someone talks, then lay down on the couch and pass out again.

So the big difference would be when Stan woke up in Fords bedroom. Instead of focusing on the toast and eating, he'd immediately start questioning where he was, who Fiddleford was, what he missed, and what happened to him. A bundle of nerves and terror, and it'd only get worse when Ford started getting worked up because then Stan would get terrified of Ford too. Stan's other emotions are either gone or muted, so instead of arguing Ford just makes Stan flinch and put as much space between them as possible, almost crying. When it finally clicks that he can't feel anything but fear he'd immediately start jumping to the worst conclusions and doom spiral about anything and everything, then scream when it looks like the Fords are going to leave him alone.

So instead of Stan idly following Ford around Stan would be clinging to Ford's arm, terrified of every little shadow and unknown, hyperventilating about his car, the entity, wondering how far he can push until Ford kicks him to the curb and he has to scramble to survive again. Instead of feeling recovered enough to go get his car fear would push him to get on the road asap before the Stanley Mobile and everything in it is gone, then instead of Ford hearing about Stan going to get his car and being homeless, Stan would have a panic attack in the hallway and burst into tears.

Which is better than not feeling anything, but now Ford has to help keep Stan calm (or as calm as he can be) or face a hyperventilating Stan and then hearing Stan go on about how he needs his car for when Ford gets tired of him and kicks him out, and how many people could be after him, etc.

Little bit of spoilers below the cut.

Fun fact, i had something similar in mind for what would push Stan to go get his car, but it was too clunky and didn't feel right for where i wanted to take the fic. I had an idea that Stan really was worried about losing the Stanley Mobile but his soul couldn't feel the fear, so as time went on it kept trying to shove the feeling out.

Except his soul was also damaged, so it was sort of like trying to use a broken arm, where yeah he was afraid but he was also in agony from feeling afraid, which is also what happened with his nightmare. Stan was terrified, but his damaged soul couldn't feel the feeling without also hurting him and stopped the moment he was aware enough to register it was a dream.