kalizzz

[kalizzz]

the loss | nrk

synopsis: in which you push niki one too many times, and he fucks you on the bench—just to remind you that losers don’t get to walk away.

genre: rivals au

pairing: swimmer!niki x bratty!reader

warnings: porn w very little plot, bratty!reader, hard dom!niki, mean!niki, cornering, bantering, dub-con ish, degrading, forced submission, spanking, manhandling, oral (m. rec), hair pulling, chocking, unprotected p in v, breeding, creampie, multiple rounds, overstimulation, no after care whatsoever. i think that’s it….?

wc: 6.2k

a/n: back again with another porno…am i ashamed? slightly. i wanted to post something and this dynamic has been on my mind for a while.. yes i have like 2 other fics dying in my drafts that i have promised but baby that’s plot…this is porn. anyways…enjoy! as always, reblogs, notes and comments are always appreciated!

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you'd noticed it from the first lap—niki was off today.

his strokes were sluggish, flip turns messy, timing just a split second late. not that he'd ever admit it. niki wasn't the kind of swimmer who made excuses, but the difference was obvious—and you weren't about to let it slide.

"what's wrong, golden boy?" you called from your lane, teeth flashing through the spray. "forgot how to swim?"

he didn't respond—just wiped the water from his eyes and pushed off again. but you caught the flick of his jaw, the twitch of his fingers as he adjusted his goggles. you were under his skin already, not that you didn't practically live there already.

perfect.

the two of you had been rivals since 1st year. different schools, same arena, always scheduled to practice back-to-back. you had similar event times, similar passions, and very different personalities.

you happened to be loud, cocky, relentless. whereas, niki was unreadable, quiet, but impossible to ignore.

the tension between you was legendary. not quite friendly, not quite hostile—just constant and sharp.

today, though, you could tell something was cracking.

practice was supposed to be a standard drill day, but your coach must've picked up on the tension, because halfway through he clapped his hands and smirked.

"how about some friendly races? we've got the lanes—let's make it fun."

fun.

as if you hadn't been dying to make niki eat your dust for years. he said nothing, just nodded and slid into the water beside you, shoulders tight, goggles already on. he didn't look at you once, and you scoffed at his cold demeanour.

the first race was a 100m free, you won by a body length.

the second was a medley sprint, you beat him again.

and by the third race—when you were practically bouncing with smug satisfaction—you leaned over the lane divider and said, just loud enough for him to hear: "kinda feels like bullying at this point."

he exhaled slowly. he didn't answer, didn't look up. but the tension in his arms, the way he adjusted his cap for the fifth time—it was all falling apart.

he was seething, and you loved it.

after the final cooldown lap, he climbed out without a word—grabbing his towel and heading straight for the locker room. no eye contact, no handshake, not even a grunt.

you waited exactly 30 seconds before following him in, still dripping, still grinning. you just couldn't help yourself, when it came to rubbing your victory in someone's face—you had no morals.

you step into the empty men's locker room with a cocky bounce in your step, towel slung around your neck, still soaked and grinning like the devil himself.

it's quiet inside—steam fogging the mirrors, a few lockers clanging shut in the distance. most of your team's still showering. his? already gone. it was a dry monday at the pool, people were quick to pack their belongings and leave.

except for him.

niki stands at the far end, back to you, towel around his waist, water dripping from his hair. shoulders flexing as he digs through his bag searching for his clothes.

you take your time walking over, "hey, sore loser."

he doesn't answer.

you hum, tapping a finger against the cold metal locker beside him, "what happened out there, huh?" you grinned, your plump lips bitten raw from the heavily chlorinated water.

"pretty sure your form fell apart after the 2nd lap." you then gasped mockingly, "don't tell me i made you nervous."

he moves like he's not listening—like he's too calm, too cool to care—but you see the way his jaw ticks.

you lean in, voice syrupy-sweet, "kinda embarrassing, right? the fastest guy on your team getting his ass handed to him by me?"

still nothing, he doesn't even look at you. just pulls out a dry shirt and drops it onto the bench.

you smirk, continuing, "you were supposed to be the golden boy." you desperately search his body for a reaction, "what, did the pressure finally get to you?"

you tilt your head, "or maybe i just fucked you up in the head a little. maybe that's why you can't swim straight—'cause every time i pass you, you get distracted watching my ass cut through the water."

that gets him. he still doesn't face you, but his fingers stop moving. still and stiff.

you press closer, letting your towel slip down just enough to bare your collarbone. you're dripping all over the tile, soaked swimsuit clinging to your skin. but you don't care, you've got him right where you want him.

or so you think. "but don't worry," you say, mock-sweet, "you still looked cute losing."

and then, finally—he turns. slowly, his eyes sweep over you once. grazing over your bare legs and your navy blue towel that clung to your form loosely and then back down from your smug mouth to the water sliding down your legs.

you're smiling when he steps forward, but it falters instantly when he doesn't stop. keeps walking until your back hits the solid green locker behind you.

"done?" he asks, voice low.

you blink. "...what?"

"talking," he says, like you were dumb. "are you done?"

you scoff, trying to roll your eyes, but you're caught off guard by how close he is—dripping wet, towering over you, and still too calm.

"you've got a lot of nerve talking the way you do," he says quietly, "for someone who couldn't even keep her thighs still when we swam next to each other last week."

your breath catches and your face heats instantly.

"you—"

"you think i didn't notice?" he leans in, voice steady. "i always notice."

you open your mouth but no sound comes out. and that's when his hand lifts—palm resting right beside your head, boxing you in.

"you walk around in that tiny swimsuit, mouthy as fuck, pushing every button like it won't come back to bite you."

"so tell me," he says, tilting his head so his blonde locks fell over his eyes, "what exactly were you hoping i'd do today?"

you stare, lips parted. because you're not so sure anymore. you thought you were pushing him, you thought you were in control.

but right now—pressed between cold metal and niki's steady, smoldering stare—you feel anything but in charge.

you don't usually lose control, not with him.

not with anyone.

you talk your shit, play the part, swim hard and leave people gasping in your wake—figuratively and literally. no one handles you. no one checks you.

but niki's not backing up and suddenly your back's to the lockers, heart pounding under your damp suit, mouth open and ready to fire—except nothing's coming out.

he watches you. quiet. eyes heavy-lidded. heat rolling off him in waves.

"what, no more comments?" he murmurs. "don't tell me you ran out."

you find your voice, barely, "just giving you time to come up with a decent excuse for choking out there."

his mouth twitches, but not quite into a smirk.

"right." he steps closer, towel loose around his hips. "then why are your legs shaking?"

you freeze, he looks down and you do too. your thighs—still wet, still dripping pool water—are trembling just the tiniest bit.

from exhaustion. from adrenaline. you tell yourself that's why.

his gaze lifts again and you hold it, stubborn.

"fuck off," you mutter.

he tilts his head, "i think you want the opposite."

and then—softly, like it costs him nothing—he presses his hand flat against the locker beside your head.

"you've been begging for my attention since the first time we swam next to each other," his eyes glare you down, his head tilting downwards so he could look you in the eyes.  "snapping at me. showing off. trying so hard to get under my skin."

his voice stays low, unreadable. "you don't hate me. you just don't know what to do with yourself when you're not the one in control."

your jaw tightens. "shut up."

"make me."

you suck in a breath and that's when he leans in—close enough that your noses almost touch, voice a dangerous whisper: "you keep running that bratty little mouth like you're not one second away from letting me shut it with my cock."

your body reacts, involuntarily.

heat shoots down your spine, and you shift without thinking—hips pressing forward just slightly, thighs brushing together.

he sees it, he definitely sees it. but he doesn't take the bait. instead, he pulls back a fraction, calm as ever.

"you wanted to win?" his voice gruff. "congrats. you beat me in the pool." he then pauses, the heat of his toned body causing your brain to malfunction momentarily, "but in here?" he glances around the empty locker room. "you don't stand a chance."

you grit your teeth. "you're bluffing."

he laughs—just once. low and sharp.

"baby," he says, so quietly you feel it in your bones, "you've been bluffing since the day we met."

you push him—hard, palms flat to his chest. "fuck you."

"you'd love to." and now he steps back. like he's giving you space. like he's letting you walk away. but the smirk that finally curves across his lips tells you exactly what he's doing.

he's letting you think you have a choice.

you hate the way your body reacts to him. the way your stomach dips when he gets close. the way your thighs ache from just a few low words.

you've been running your mouth all practice, and suddenly you're the one pressed against cold metal, caught in the middle of a storm you started—but now it's slipping through your fingers, fast.

no.

no way.

you're not letting this blonde bimbo fucking win like this.

so you do what you always do when the tension spikes and your pulse won't slow down: you get nasty.

you square your shoulders, push off the locker with a laugh that sounds just a little too forced.

"god, you're such a sore loser."

he raises a brow, still silent.

"it's actually kinda embarrassing," you add, tilting your head. "big strong ni-ki—talk of his team, always so serious—getting wrecked by a girl who's half his size."

your voice drips with mock pity, "what does that make you?" you pause to faux think for a second,  "a loser with a superiority complex?"

he blinks once, he doesn't flinch.

"or maybe you just choke when someone's actually better than you." you begin to jitter with each word that spews out of your mouth. "you gonna cry about it? or throw a tantrum in the showers where no one can see?"

still nothing and god, it infuriates you.

"go on. storm out like a little bitch again."

silence.

he just looks at you. dark eyes steady, unreadable.

you expect him to snap. bark something. shove you. anything.

instead? he steps in slow, close, deliberate and leans down until his lips brush your ear.

"done flailing?"

you stop breathing.

his voice is low, lethal, "you're not intimidating. you're not untouchable." he pauses,  "you're desperate."

your stomach drops.

"you want to pretend like all this—" his hand brushes the strap of your dark green swimsuit "—doesn't mean anything, but your body's telling the truth."

your pulse spikes, he knows it.

he tilts his head, still murmuring, still terrifyingly calm, "wanna keep lying? go ahead." he grins, a small laugh leaving his pink plump lips, "but the next time you open that smart mouth, you better be ready to pay for it."

he pulls back, eyes dropping to your lips. "and if you call me a loser again," he murmurs, "i'll fuck the attitude out of you."

your knees nearly give out, but he's not done.

"so go on. say something bratty," he says, like he's testing you. "give me a reason."

your throat tightens. you open your mouth— and nothing comes out. not a single word.

he smirks, finally. "that's what i thought."

you're burning.  every nerve on fire, skin prickling, heart racing like you're on the starting block—but there's no whistle. no gun. no escape.

and still—still—you can't shut up.

you're a brat down to the bone. and even with your knees weak and heat pooling between your legs, even with niki's breath still ghosting your skin, you can't let him walk away with the last word.

so you spit it out—sharp and venomous and a little shaky, "still doesn't change the fact that you lost."

his gaze lifts slowly.

"and no matter how smug you act, it must eat you alive knowing you'll never be as good as me."

his jaw flexes.

"you're just all talk, niki." you force another laugh, "all bark, no bite."

you pause and then smile, "and if i wanted someone to fuck me breathless?" your eyes glaze over his face, watching his jaw tick. "it sure as hell wouldn't be a guy who can't even keep up in the water."

the silence that follows is instant. thick.

and then— he laughs.

low. humorless. dangerous.

"alright."

your stomach flips at the sound, you felt yourself gush.

he drops the towel from his hips. your breath catches—eyes flashing down without thinking—and he sees it. sees the way your gaze sticks, the way your lips part.

he steps forward, grabs your chin, his fingers firm but not cruel—and tilts your head up to look at him.

"you wanted to mouth off one more time?" he raises an eyebrow.  "go ahead. just remember—this is what you asked for."

his hand drops. "bend over the bench."

you freeze and blink.

"w-what?"

he doesn't repeat himself. doesn't need to. his eyes are heavy and unblinking, voice steady, "you're not walking out of this room without being reminded who you belong to."

and then, "and when i'm done, you're going to thank me for ruining you."

you don't move.

he told you to bend over the bench, and you're still standing there—defiant, knees wobbly, throat dry, but still trying to glare at him like he didn't just peel every inch of power off you like a second skin.

he notices, of fucking course he does.

niki's always been good at seeing straight through your bullshit. today, he's done letting you hide behind it.

he steps forward—slow, steady—and you catch the brief flick of heat in his eyes as he looks you up and down. like he's deciding how to start.

"you think you're clever, huh?"

you scoff, but it's weak.

his hand lifts—trailing fingertips along the line of your arm, down the damp curve of your side. he doesn't touch anywhere dangerous, he doesn't give you what you want.

and that's exactly what drives you insane.

"you talk a big game," he murmurs, "but your body's already begging."

you open your mouth to argue—and then gasp when his knuckle grazes the hem of your suit.

"shaking." his fingers slide down the inside of your thigh, barely a whisper. "dripping." he leans in, "and not from the pool."

you stiffen, teeth clenched.

"say it," he whispers. "you want it."

you glare, "go to hell."

he smiles, "ladies first."

and then—he moves behind you. hands settling at your hips, thumbs dipping beneath the band of your suit. he doesn't yank it off. doesn't rush. he just holds you there.

"you know what the problem is?" he says softly. "you've never had someone fuck you like they mean it."

your stomach flips.

"you push and push, trying to find the edge, hoping someone grabs you before you fall off." his breath is warm against your neck. his voice stays steady, "and now you have."

he peels the suit down slowly, agonizingly slow—until it clings to your thighs, slick and wet. you were exposed, your breasts and cunt on full display.

you could feel him, his cock thick and heavy against your back.  you suck in a breath.

he traces one hand up the back of your leg, stopping at the dip of your lower back.

"bend over."

you don't. not yet.

"make me," you whisper, voice cracking just a little.

he hums, "i will."

and then—finally—his palm lands on your ass in one sharp, controlled slap. not hard enough to hurt. just enough to steal the air from your lungs.

"last warning," he says. "next time you talk back, i won't be so nice."

you swallow hard.

and slowly, trembling, you fold over the bench.

he lets the silence stretch. lets you sit there, exposed and tense, pride crumbling by the second.

then you feel his hand again—this time between your thighs, knuckles brushing your heat.

"look at you." he chuckles darkly, "still pretending you're not dripping for me."

you whimper and he still hasn't even taken his time with you yet.

your cheek's pressed to the cold bench now, legs trembling. arms burning. swimsuit halfway down your thighs and niki behind you—silent for a moment, watching.

you hate that your body's already arching toward him, hips twitching like you're searching for friction. you hate that he hasn't even really touched you yet, and your skin still feels like it's going to ignite.

he drags one finger through your folds. slow. careful. barely any pressure.

and then clicks his tongue, "messy."

you stiffen.

"this wet over a couple words?" he laughs tauntingly, "i didn't even do anything yet."

you hiss through your teeth, "fuck you."

he laughs, low and sharp, "you really don't learn, do you?"

he drags that same finger over you again, slower this time, teasing your entrance without dipping in. "you think i'm gonna be nice just because you're dripping?"

"you think this is a reward?"

he leans in again, breath hot against your ear. "you ran your mouth for an hour straight and now look at you." you whine when his finger grazes your clit, "bent over. shaking. soaked."

"like some needy little brat who doesn't even deserve to cum."

your stomach drops and then—he brushes your clit again.  once. light. barely enough to feel.

you gasp.

"yeah, that's what i thought." he smiles. "so easy." you try to push back into his hand, grinding subtly, desperate for more—he pulls away.

you whine and he laughs.

"no, no. don't get greedy." his chest hard against your back, "not after all that attitude."

you squeeze your eyes shut, frustration bubbling in your chest.

"say please," he murmurs.

you shake your head.

"say it."

silence.

so he grabs your ass again, spreading you open, gaze locked on your dripping cunt.

"fine," he huffs softly. "we'll just stay like this."

and he does.

he touches you again—light strokes, slow circles, never consistent. never deep, just enough to keep you right on the edge of madness. every time your hips roll back, he pulls away. every time your thighs twitch, he stills.

you're panting now, aching. begging in your head.

but he waits.

until your pride starts to crumble, voice shaking— "please..."

he hums. "hmm?"

"please," you whisper again. "touch me."

he cups you fully now, hot palm against your core, middle finger sliding in just enough to tease.

"so polite all of a sudden."

you squirm.

"you wanna cum?" he asks. "after all that attitude?"

you nod.

"you wanna get filled like the dumb little slut you've been acting like?"

your breath stutters.

"then you're gonna fucking earn it."

he pulls his hand away again and this time, you sob.

your legs are jelly and your arms are trembling. cunt aching. niki's hands have been everywhere—except where you need them. and you can't take it anymore.

you can't.

"please," you breathe. "please, ni-ki, i'll—i'll be good."

you feel him smile against your shoulder.

"no, you won't."

you whimper.

"you'll run your mouth again tomorrow." he knew you like the back of his hand, and he knew what he had to do to you.  "you'll tease. you'll provoke. you'll pretend like you didn't beg me to ruin you in the locker room."

his hand slides between your thighs again, two fingers pressing into you with no rhythm—just enough to make you feel how empty you still are.

"you'll pretend like you're not still dripping my cum when you get back in the water."

your eyes roll back.

"say you're sorry."

you swallow hard, "i'm sorry."

"say you need me."

"i—i need you."

"say who owns you."

you hesitate for half a second too long and he pulls away again.

"fuck—no, wait, wait—!"

but he steps back completely, hands off, voice dangerously low. "not good enough." he steps back and circles around, grabbing you by the hair.

not harsh, just final.

he pulls your head up, enough to get a better angle—then slides the tip of his cock across your lips causing you to gasp.

"you want something to say?" he murmurs, voice like silk. "say it around my dick."

you glare up at him, breathing hard. and then slowly, so slowly—you open your mouth.

he slides in.

the position's filthy. so filthy. bent at the waist, ass in the air, face tilted back and cock filling your mouth from above.

he doesn't rush.

just pushes deeper, slow and steady, until you're gagging—your throat tight, lips stretched, spit already dripping onto the bench beneath you.

"there she is," he breathes. "so fucking quiet all of a sudden."

his hand stays tight in your hair as he rocks his hips—grinding deep, letting you choke around him, then pulling back just enough to let you breathe.

"thought you were tough?" he pants, "thought you were better than me?" he thrusts again, deeper this time, and your knees buckle.

"what happened to all that attitude, baby?"

you whimper around him, mouth raw and wet and full. you're flushed and fucked out, and he hasn't even touched your pussy again yet.

"you like this, don't you?" he grunts when he feels you hollow out your cheeks, essentially vacuuming him in. "being used. being owned."

he slides out, dragging his cock across your swollen lips before slapping it against your tongue.

"tell me who you belong to."

you moan at his words and he smirks. "can't? that's alright."

"i'll fuck it into you instead."

he releases your hair and twists you around so he could grab your hips again—lining up behind you, cock wet and heavy with spit and arousal.

and that's what does it.

you hear the low rustle of him stroking himself behind you. hear the way his breathing shifts.

and then—you feel it.

the head of his cock nudging against your entrance, thick and hot and already leaking.

"shouldn't give brats what they beg for," he mutters. "makes 'em worse."

and then he pushes in, all at once.

you scream.

he groans low, hands locking around your hips, slamming in to the hilt with one hard, deep stroke that steals the air from your lungs.

"fuck—look at you." his eyes watching your ass meet his pelvis, "took it so easy. like you were made for it."

you can't think, can't breathe. he's so deep. too deep. and he's not stopping.

"you wanted a loser?" his voice drips venom. "losers don't fuck like this."

his hips snap into yours, slow and punishing. "losers don't make you this fucking full."

you choke on a moan. nails scraping the wood of the bench. every thrust makes your toes curl, your back arch—your body giving up and giving in.

he leans over you now, one hand gripping your jaw, forcing your head to tilt.

"you talk big," he pants. "but you melt the second i split you open."

his thumb pushes into your mouth and you suck without thinking, needy and broken and gone.

"such a fucking mouth on you," he growls. "but you're better like this."

"dumb. stuffed. obedient."

you moan around his thumb—whimpering, twitching, clenching around him so tight it punches a groan out of his chest.

"you gonna cum, baby?" he asks, voice sharp. "you gonna cream on my cock like a little fucking toy?"

you nod frantically. "yes—yes, please, please—"

"you gonna let me breed this pussy raw?" you clench around him even tighter at his filthy words.

"yes, yes—please, i need it—"

he removes his fingers from you mouth so he could grab your hips tighter and thrust harder. you scream, head falling forward, bench scraping beneath your chest as he fills you in one brutal stroke.

"fuck—niki—!"

"shut up."

he slams in again. "you got your mouth full once, you'll take it again." his cock drags deep and slow inside you, hips snapping with brutal precision—every thrust punching breath from your lungs.

"you're gonna take every inch." he snaps at you, his grip on you now bruising. "and you're gonna fucking thank me for it."

your mind blanks. body clenching around him, trying to pull him deeper even as your legs shake under the weight of it all.

he leans over you again, voice low in your ear. "say please."

"please—please, fuck, i'm sorry—"

"too late."

his hand wraps around your throat, just enough pressure to make you gasp. "you talk back, you get used."

"you run your mouth, and i'll fill every hole you got."

you cry out, overstimulated and aching and full. and still—he keeps going. he fucks you like he's marking you.

hips heavy against yours, cock driving in deep, over and over again—slick, raw, relentless. you're soaked and stretched and shaking, arms trembling from holding yourself up.

his grip doesn't waver.

one hand still on your throat, the other locked around your hip, guiding you back onto every punishing thrust like he's training you to take it.

"so quiet now," niki pants. "what happened, baby?"

you moan—a wrecked, breathless sound.

"that mouth kept running, but look at you now—" he pushes in deep and stays there.

you scream.

"just a fucktoy with nothing left to say."

you're too full and it aches in the best way. your pussy pulses around him, fluttering with each deep grind of his hips.

"you feel that?" he pulls back, just an inch—then slams in again, cock kissing your cervix.

"that's what happens when you bait me."

your legs buckle. niki catches you effortlessly—shifts his grip to your waist and fucks you through it, unbothered by your whimpering, your twitching, your begging.

"gonna fill this bratty little cunt," he groans. "make you carry something more permanent than a loss."

your eyes roll back.

"you want that?" he growls. "want my cum dripping out of you while you pretend you're not mine?"

"yes—yes, please—"

"fuck," he hisses, thrusts getting sharper. "you need it, don't you?"

"need it—need you to—fuck—please, ni-ki—" you babble mindlessly, to fucked out to realize what he was saying.

he grabs your hair again and pulls. your back arches. pussy clenches. he feels it.

"oh, you're gonna cum," he breathes. "and when you do? i'll be so deep in you, you'll feel it in your throat."

"you're gonna thank me for breeding this cunt."

you sob and then—you snap. you cum hard, mouth open in a silent cry, vision going white, body locking around him.

niki groans—low and guttural—and fucks you through it.

doesn't slow down.

doesn't stop.

"take it," he pants."take every fucking drop."

and then he cums—deep, deep, cock twitching inside you, his cum spilling thick and hot into your pulsing cunt.

"fuck—just like that—" he curses, eyes shutting. "that's it—good girl—fuck—mine."

you're gasping, shaking, ruined.

he stays there, buried deep. twitching.

his hands soften on your waist. you can feel him throbbing inside you, still filling you up, like he meant to breed you and make sure it stuck.

your mouth opens but no sound comes out.

he leans over your back, presses a kiss between your shoulders.

"what's wrong?" he murmurs. "nothing left to say?"

he grins.

"good." you're twitching underneath him. sweat-slicked, breathless, your arms collapsed beneath you. face pressed to the bench, legs spread open wide with niki's cum dripping hot and messy out of your ruined cunt.

you're wrecked, but he's still hard.

"you thought i was done?" he murmurs, almost amused. "baby, you haven't learned anything."

you whimper, trying to lift your head.

too slow.

he's already pushing back in—your cunt still fluttering, oversensitive, making it hurt in the most unbearable way.

"wait—wait, i can't—"

"you can."

his hands grip your hips again—tighter this time.

"and you will."

he fucks into you again, deep and slow, cock dragging against soaked walls that clench down like they're still desperate to keep him.

you scream.

your nails dig into the bench. your thighs shake violently, your cunt pulsing with the aftershocks of your last orgasm—and he's still going.

"this pussy's still so wet," he breathes. "can't decide if it's from me or from you."

he thrusts again, making you cry out.

"can't tell if you're begging me to stop—" he grunts "—or to never stop fucking you."

he leans over you, chest pressed to your back, lips brushing your ear. "you're leaking all over the bench, baby."

"do you even know how pretty you look like this?"

you sob.

he reaches around and slides his fingers between your thighs, spreads the cum that's dripping out, and spreading it over your clit.

"don't waste it," he murmurs. "you wanted it so bad, remember?"

your whole body jerks but he doesn't stop.

just keeps fucking you with long, punishing strokes—grinding against your swollen, overstimulated walls like he wants to split you open all over again.

"gonna give me another," he pants. "you can take it. i know you can."

"gonna come again on this cock while it's still leaking with my first load—"

you choke on a sob, thighs clenching, tears slipping down your cheeks.

"—and then you're gonna thank me."

"say thank you, baby."

you try but nothing comes out.

so he slaps your ass—just once, hard enough to sting—and fucks you harder.

"say it."

"thank you—thank you—fuck, niki, i—" your voice breaks again.

your body snaps and another orgasm rips through you—violent, uncontrollable, white-hot and unbearable—and your vision blacks out for a second from how hard you cum around him.

niki groans through clenched teeth, cock twitching again inside you, and his hand presses firm to your lower stomach. "fuck, baby," he breathes. "you're still so tight."

"how the fuck are you still squeezing me like this—?" he thrusts once more, deep, rough, unforgiving and then he cums again.

right on top of your second orgasm, flooding you for the second time, groaning through it while your whole body shakes beneath him.

it's too much. it's too much.

you're crying now, sobbing into the bench. stretched out, bred, stuffed so full his cum starts spilling out with every twitch of his cock.

and he still doesn't pull out.

"that's it," he whispers, soft now, pressing his lips to your shoulder. "that's what i wanted."

"fought me every second—but now look at you."

"fucked dumb and full of me."

you hiccup through a breath.

he smiles, "good girl."

you try to move. a soft, trembling shift of your hips—instinctual. desperate.

"n-no more—" your voice cracks, wrecked and raw, and your thighs twitch from the overwhelming stretch still seated inside you.

niki doesn't say anything at first. he just tightens his grip. his palm presses flat against the middle of your back, and he leans down, chest flush to your back, cock still buried deep in your overstimulated cunt.

you freeze.

"where do you think you're going?" he murmurs, voice low, calm, dark.

you squirm again when he grinds his hips.

slow. deep.

you whimper.

"you're not done." his voice dark, threatening "not even close." you sob into the bench, arms trembling beneath you.

"you're gonna stay right here," he continues, breathing hot against your ear, "and you're gonna keep my cum where it fucking belongs."

his hand slips down your spine again, trails between your legs.

he drags his fingers through the mess leaking out of you—hot, sticky, endless. "fuck, look at you."

"can't even hold it all in."

he pushes two fingers back in—shallow—and your body jolts. "stuffed full and still greedy."

"isn't this what you wanted?" his tone mocking. "to get bred like a dumb little cumdump?"

you cry out, body twitching, trying again to pull away—but his cock throbs inside you, and you clench.

he smirks, "oh, baby," he hums. "your pussy's telling on you." he rocks his hips—slow grind, barely any thrust, just a filthy roll of his cock that drags along every overstimulated nerve inside you.

"tight and messy," he groans. "still sucking me in like you belong to me."

he licks a stripe up your shoulder, lips curling into a grin. "you like being used, don't you?"

"getting put in your place. fucked until you cry," he cooed softly, your body twitching.

"you like being mine."

your breath stutters but he keeps going.

"say it," he growls, pushing deep again. "say you're mine."

"say this cunt's mine to use—mine to fill whenever i want. mine to leave leaking on this bench like a used little toy."

you choke on a sob.

"say it."

"yours," you whimper, voice thin and hoarse. "m'yours, niki—i'm yours—"

"damn right."

his hand fists in your hair again and he yanks your head back—gently, but possessive. you're wrecked. flushed, wet, glassy-eyed and ruined.

he kisses your jaw.

"look at you," he whispers. "you were so fucking mouthy an hour ago."

"now you're just a warm hole for me to use." his cock twitches inside you again and you clench, helpless and aching and dripping.

"you'll take me again when i'm ready," he adds, breath fanning hot across your ear, "and you'll cum again. harder this time."

"because this pussy is mine now." his voice low and menacing, "and you don't come unless i say so."

"understand?"

you nod, sobbing through it.

he smiles, "good girl."

he grinds in deeper, cock still rock hard, and wraps his arm fully around your waist to keep you there—locked in, stretched open, and completely owned.

you don't even realize he's moving again until his hands shift position—one locking around your waist, the other curling under your chin to tilt your head up.

his cock drags out of you just a few inches.

you flinch, "n-ni-ki—i can't—"

"yes," he snaps, quiet and sharp. "you can."

his voice is cold now. not angry—but final. "you wanted to run your mouth, brat," he growls.

"so now you'll take what comes with it."

you try to push up but he shoves you right back down."keep your ass up."

and you do—legs trembling, arms buckling beneath you, sobs already caught in your throat—because the tone in his voice says don't make me say it again.

and then, he fucks back in.

hard.no mercy.

your scream rips out of you, raw and shattered, because there's no build up this time. no warning. just him, full and brutal, fucking into your soaked, overstimulated cunt like it was made for this.

like you were made for him.

"gonna fuck you until you break," he snarls, hips slamming against your ass, cock dragging against your sore, cum-slick walls with every ruthless thrust.

"until your brain shuts off—until you forget anything but how full you are."

you cry into the bench and he grits his teeth. "how fucking owned you are."

he hits deeper, your whole body jolts.

"can't even push me out anymore, huh?" he seethes in your ear, "cunt's been fucked open so wide it needs me to stay."

your legs give out, but he doesn't let you fall, he holds you up. keeps your hips locked in place with bruising fingers and fucks you through it like he doesn't even hear your sobs anymore.

or maybe he does, and he likes them.

"this is what happens," he pants, breath hot and sharp against your back, "when you talk too much." he smacks your ass. "when you forget your place."

"now you know."

you try to answer but all that comes out is a gasping cry.

"that's right," he groans. "just cry, baby."

"cry while i fill you one more time."

and then he slams in—hard, deep, possessive—and groans through gritted teeth as he cums again inside you, cock twitching violently, cum spilling into your already wrecked pussy for the third time.

your cunt pulses. leaks. gapes. you fall limp beneath him. he stays in you for a long moment and lets it all sink in.

and then—he pulls out.

a broken moan escapes your throat. you feel it all rush out of you—hot, heavy, filthy—as his cum starts dripping out in thick streams, down your thighs, pooling under you on the bench.

you hear him exhale but you're too spent to even lift your head.

his hand ghosts across your ass one last time. not tender. not cruel.

just claiming.

"take the loss," he murmurs. "and clean yourself up."

and then—he walks away.

leaves you trembling. gaping. bred and ruined.

like a win was never even on the table.

— enjoy this fic? check out my other ones right here!

[kalizzz]

hes so cutie baby kitty meow nom nom nom

[kalizzz]

i need a big boy 𖤐 [p.sh]

you've heard the stories and you know what happens to bunnies that enter the woods at night. really, it’s your fault. you knew this would happen. it’s like you wanted this… no? oh, but didn’t you?

☆ pairing → wolf!sunghoon x afab bunny!reader

☆ word count → 3.9k

☆ tags → oneshot, wolf!sunghoon x bunny!reader, little red riding hood inspired, petnames (bun, bunny, u get it), reader is a little dumb

☆ smut tags → pwp, noncon/dubcon, p in v, oral sex (f!receiving), loss of virginity, some blood, blood kink, virginity kink, breeding kink, mentions of womb/cervix/cherry-popping, knotting, saliva/drool, squirting, biting/claiming, mentions of death, this is just a tiny bit nasty :3

☆ warnings → pls heed the tags! noncon/dubcon claiming :3 lapslock + not proofread i’m sleep deprived and Crazy rn.

☆ a/n → wrote this trying to get out of my writer’s block </3 pls enjoy my belligerent 1am insanity

minors dni. dark content ahead.

♪ all the girls are needing, i need a big boy give me a big boy, i need a big boy

“h-hello? is anyone there?”

your voice is soft and shaky. your soft, plush white ears stand tall as they flick, listening for something—anything. your tail is stiff in fear and you can’t shake the feeling of being watched.

you don’t know how you got here; the middle of the dark, dangerous woods that are in no way a place for something like you, at least not this late at night. you’ve never ventured this far at night, you know better—you know that it isn’t safe for bunnies like you.

you’ve heard the stories of what happens to bunnies like you when they get caught. you’ve seen the bodies brought back to your village—bloodied, mangled, dead and used. every corpse that was brought back reeked of… of wolves.

you were just supposed to be on your way to your grandma’s house. every month, on the same day, your grandma calls you to her house for a visit. usually you make the journey with your mother, but your mother is terribly sick with a cold and told you it was okay for you to venture alone.

“you’ll be okay, sunshine. whatever you do, stay on the trail. do not leave the path. if it starts getting dark, come back.” your mom’s voice was sweet and caring as she packed you a basket with treats for you and your grandma to share.

your mother trusted you enough with this, and you didn’t want to let her down. you missed your grandma terribly and wanted nothing more than to make it to her house safely.

but—there’s always a but.

you’re lost.

somehow you managed to stray from the trail. something distracted you, but in your fear you can’t even seem to recall what it was. one second you were walking the trail like a good daughter, and the next the sun was gone and so was the path.

you tried to find your way back, but it only caused you to be more confused and lost. it was dark, the only light coming from the glow of the full moon. you were whimpering in fear. the full moon only means one thing: wolves.

somewhere along your search back to the trail, you heard something. there was a snap! then it was quiet, too quiet. the silence is eerie, uncomfortable. you feel like you’re being watched… like something is there with you, watching you, waiting for you.

you let out another sound of distress, your ears flicking anxiously. you freeze when you hear the sound again, closer this time. you don’t move—you can’t. you’re frozen in place, just like a helpless prey.

“hello? is anyone there?” your voice shakes. you’re trembling, your fingers gripping the basket so tight that the wood starts to splinter. “hello?”

then, you hear a chuckle. the sound is low, deep, and it echoes and resonates deep within you.

“tsk, tsk, tsk.” the voice is getting closer. “poor little bunny, are you lost?”

your eyes widen like saucers when the owner of the voice shows itself. a wolf. you’re frozen in fear still, not knowing whether to run and hide or to freeze and accept your fate.

“w-wolf!” you stutter, your voice not able to reach a complete scream. you can’t scream, you can’t run. it’s too late.

“pretty bunny, are you lost?” the wolf repeats himself. “i can show you the way. i don’t bite.”

the wolf emphasizes the word with a big grin, the moonlight glints and his canines radiate.

“oh, what sharp teeth you have,” you whimper. “you’re not going to eat me?”

“no, bunny,” the wolf still has that wolfish grin on hus face. “i would never eat a bunny. i’m a nice wolf, you can trust me…”

“_____,” against your better judgement, you tell the wolf your name. “will you really show me the way?”

“yes, bunny,” the wolf nods, taking a few steps closer. his eyes rake up and down your trembling body, and his gaze stops at the very end of your cloak. “my name is sunghoon, bun.”

“s-sunghoon?”

the wolf, sunghoon, nods. “sounds so pretty comin’ from your mouth, bun. what are you doing out here all alone? it isn’t safe for an innocent bunny like you. you’d be eaten alive by some real bad wolves by now if i hadn’t found you.”

your cheeks heat, and your gaze drops to the floor. your ears droop at the shame of being lost. “i’m just trying to make it to my grandma’s house, mr. wolf. she lives near the middle of the forest, by the big lake.”

“ah, does she now?” sunghoon licks his lips. “i know exactly where that is. you’re lucky you ran into me tonight, bun. i can show you the way.”

“really?” you perk up, meeting his eyes again. he’s closer now, so close that if you reached your arm out you would be able to touch him. he smells… oddly okay, not like how the other bunnies at your village describe wolves to smell like. he smells of grass and flowers and oak, not like the blood of bunnies. “please, please, please!”

sunghoon chuckles, his gaze dark as he looks down at you. the height difference is jarring, he’s over a head taller than you, and from up close you can see that he’s big.

he’s way bigger than you, his arms are so big that the plain t-shirt he’s wearing looks small, way too small for his body. he has prominent veins along his forearms and hands that pop out and twitch with his every movement, and his chest is so extremely large that it looks as if he has ginormous pecs. his shoulders are so broad, and you think that sunghoon is probably very strong.

“of course, bunny. you just have to follow me. i know a shortcut to the lake. it’s very close, just up ahead. maybe another half mile.” sunghoon reaches his hand out, offering it to you. “come, bun. let me take you.”

you’re trusting—too trusting for your own good—as you take his hand, letting him enclose his large palm over your small hand.

sunghoon leads you deeper into the woods, and you follow him blindly. you can’t wait to be at your grandma’s house, and you trust that sunghoon will lead you there in no time.

it’s odd, though. you haven’t seen or heard a single animal or creature near you in minutes.

“you’re very pretty, bunny. your cloak seems so soft and warm.” sunghoon’s voice breaks the silence. “i wonder, what are you wearing underneath it?”

“thank you. my grandma gifted me this cloak,” you say, softly. “i’m wearing a dress my grandma also handmade for me.”

“mmm,” sunghoon hums. “you smell very good, bun. like chocolate and vanilla. i wonder how you taste, too.”

you shiver. “what?”

“nothing, bun. we’re almost there.”

you start to tremble again, but then you smell the water, and you know the lake is near. your parents always told you to not trust wolves, that wolves will only tear you apart and lick your bones clean one by one, but this wolf—sunghoon, has been trustworthy. he didn’t eat you.

the lake comes into view moments later, the water practically sparkles underneath the moonlight.

you gasp. “sunghoon! you really brought me here! thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“i told you, bunny,” sunghoon grins. “your grandma’s house should be near. are you staying overnight?”

“no, i’m supposed to return home tonight, my parents will be worried sick if i don’t…”

“then i shall wait for you, bun. i will accompany you on your way back home to make sure you make it safe and sound.”

“oh,” you say, surprised. “you would do that?”

“of course. i have to make sure you don’t get eaten by any wolves… hm?”

“o-okay,” you murmur, sheepish. “i shouldn’t be long.”

sunghoon nods, and you rush off to your grandma’s. her house is only around the corner, so the walk is quick.

you think about sunghoon the whole way there. he proved that wolves aren’t all bad. some wolves can be trusted and some wolves won’t eat you. everything you’ve learned about wolves was wrong, and you can’t wait to go back to your village and spread the new information you learned.

“grandma! i’m here!”

your grandma’s house is warm and comforting as you enter. you set the basket of goods on her small wooden table.

“dear! you made it!” your grandma approaches you, rushing you into a hug. “i was so scared, dear. it’s so late at night.”

“yes, grandma. i’m safe.” you reassure her. “mom packed you some sweets, your favorite.”

“ah, did she—” your grandma stills. “dear, what’s that smell?”

you sniff the air. “what do you mean?”

“you—you reek of wolf!”

“grandma, it’s okay! please, calm down! the wolf helped me here! he didn’t try to eat me!”

“you’re a traitor—traitor!” your grandma backs away in horror. “you brought a wolf here? you need to leave, now.”

“no, grandma, please! he wouldn’t hurt me, or you!” you reach for her, wanting to console her, but she flinches away like she’s been burned.

“no family of mine will be in contact with a wolf,” your grandma spits the word like it’s poison. “get out. never come back.”

“no, grandma!”

she rushes you out the door, locking it behind you and leaving you out in the cold with nothing but your cloak. you sniffle, hot tears making their way down your cheeks as you sob and knock on the door rapidly.

“grandma! please! let me in!” you cry, helplessly holding onto the doorknob like she’ll open it. “please!”

it seems like an eternity that passes before you get tired of trying. your grandma disowned you and left you in the cold. you can’t go back, what if the rest of the town also treats you the same way? what do you do?

you get a brilliant idea then. you’ll go to the lake and wash yourself. you’ll wash the scent of sunghoon away and make it back home. nobody will know.

you make it a few steps before you smell it again—him.

“bunny? what’s wrong?” sunghoon steps into view. his face is masked with concern and pity. “poor little bunny, why are you crying?”

“my grandma—she,” the thought of your grandma has you breaking down once more. you rush into sunghoon’s arms, his big chest comforts you. “she left me! she told me to get out as i smell like a wolf, and told me she never wanted to see me again!”

sunghoon cradles your head as you sob into his chest. “shh, there, there. it’ll be alright, bunny. she just doesn’t understand.”

“i have to go to the lake—i have to wash off before i go home. or else they—they won’t accept me back.”

“okay, bunny. let’s go to the lake and wash you off. then i’ll walk you home, okay?” sunghoon’s voice is deep and low, and somehow comforting.

you nod, sniffling, and let sunghoon lead you to the lake, hand in hand.

sunghoon is quiet as he leads you both knee deep into the water. he reaches for your cloak, and you let him undress you. your cries quiet now, only sniffles escape every few moments.

sunghoon drops your cloak somewhere below you, before reaching for the straps of your small, silk babydoll dress.

he sucks in a breath, but you’re too overwhelmed by your grandma to pay any mind to it. he undoes the straps one by one, before letting your dress slide down and fall into the water as well.

“bunny,” sunghoon murmurs. “kneel and wash yourself.”

you obey, making sure to rinse yourself and get rid of the wolf scent on you. after your fur is soaked and your body is freezing, you consider yourself clean enough.

“bunny, you’re shaking,” sunghoon says. “are you cold?”

you nod, and sunghoon coos. “but your clothes are all wet. whatever will we do?”

“i-i don’t know…” you’re freezing and trembling so much that your teeth chatter as your tail drips water into the lake. “it’s so cold.” you whine.

“aw, is my bunny cold?” sunghoon coos again. “do you need me to warm you up?”

you nod, and sunghoon grins. “come here, bunny. come to me.”

you step closer to him, and he pulls you in roughly. he wraps his arms around you, enclosing your body with his larger one. he’s so warm, extremely warm, and you let out a soft sigh as your body finally starts to warm up.

“you’re so small, bunny,” sunghoon’s breath hits your ears as he speaks. “and so soft, so supple and soft.”

you whine, shy, and then you feel it.

“s-sunghoon… something is poking me,” you whisper.

“is there?” sunghoon murmurs, his voice low and dripping something you aren’t sure of.

the hardness you feel twitches, pressing deeper against your thigh. you’re scared to look down, scared of what you might see.

“sunghoon, it—it’s…”

“fuck,” sunghoon growls, suddenly. you flinch at his outburst, your ears stiffening and standing tall upon your head. “i can’t hold back anymore.”

“sunghoon, what?” you say, your voice shaking.

sunghoon ignores you, picking you up and out of the water, carrying you in his arms as he reaches grass and mud again.

“you make me crazy, bun,” sunghoon’s voice is rough as he speaks. “i can’t hold back anymore. not when you’re nude and presenting yourself so nicely to me.”

“s-sunghoon?” you tremble in his hold. he releases you, then, to put you back onto your feet.

when you meet his eyes again, he looks different. gone is the comforting face you thought you knew, and now there’s a predatory, evil look in his eyes.

“please, sunghoon, you’re scaring me.” you plead, whisper. “sunghoon?”

it’s like he can’t hear you. he doesn’t answer as he leans down, his hands on your bare waist as he presses his nose into the crook of your neck and inhales deeply.

“fuck, bun, you smell so good,” sunghoon groans, and you feel the hardness return. sunghoon grinds against your leg, and your tail stiffens in fear. “you smell so delicious, bunny. so perfect for me. i’m going to tear you apart.”

“sunghoon, no! please!” you cry and beg. he wouldn’t eat you, he’d never, right?

“don’t worry, bun. i’m not going to eat you,” sunghoon chuckles and it vibrates against your skin. he licks a stripe from your collarbone to your ear, before whispering, “but i’m going to ravage you. you’re mine now, bunny.”

you tremble in his hold, cringing at the feeling of his tongue against your skin. “no! sunghoon! please, please!”

then suddenly, sunghoon lets you go. “no?”

“no!” you cry, pleading. “please!”

“run, bunny,” sunghoon smirks, his sharp canines making an appearance again. “i’ll count to three. i’ll give you a headstart. if i catch you, i get to take you.”

you turn on your heels immediately, scrambling to run for your life. you’re still naked, and the ground is rough on your feet as you try to dodge rocks and branches.

“one…”

you’re heaving, running so hard that you feel like you might throw up.

“two…”

but bunnies are known for being quick, aren’t they?

“three! i’m coming, bunny. you can’t hide from me!”

your heart drops. you don’t know where you are, but you know that sunghoon is already close, you hear his footsteps gradually getting closer to you, and you have nowhere to hide. you look around frantically, looking for something, anything.

your eyes land on a small hole, just big enough to burrow yourself in. that’s it, you think. you’ll hide there.

you’re almost in the hole, digging yourself deeper when you smell him.

“poor little bunny,” sunghoon’s voice is too close. “are you lost?”

he growls, and you feel his fingers close around your ankle as you get violently dragged from the hole. you were so close.

you let out a bloodcurdling scream.

“found you.” sunghoon looks crazy. he’s panting, his eyes wide with excitement. “i told you, you can’t hide from me. you’re mine. i could smell your fear from a mile away. could smell your sweet, little pussy calling out to me.

“no! please, let me go!” you thrash in his hold, but it’s no use. sunghoon is stronger than you as he straddles your hips, your wrists above your head and held by one of his hands as the other explores your body.

“shhh, bun. i’ll take good care of you,” sunghoon laughs, in a frenzy. “you smell unmated, fresh and sweet. i’ve never taken a bunny before. it’ll be both our first times, hm?”

you can’t reply anymore, you’re choking on your spit and tears, and you’re more than sure that there’s snot rolling down the sides of your cheeks as well.

“sweet, virgin bunny,” sunghoon leans in to lick your cheek, eating up all your tears and wetness. “you taste so good, i wonder how you taste down here.”

you kick your legs and thrash when sunghoon lifts his hips. it’s the wrong move, because sunghoon comes back up to snap his teeth at you. he bites at your jaw, not hard enough to break skin but enough to make you go limp—tranquilizing you.

“stay still, bunny. or i really might just eat you instead.”

you cry silently, finally giving up as sunghoon disappears below you. he spreads your legs open, exhaling at the sight of your pussy, all presented to him.

“you look delicious,” sunghoon leans in, inhaling deeply as he uses his fingers to spread your folds, exposing yourself to him. you feel wetness as he licks a stripe from your asshole to your clit. “you taste so good—i’m never going to get enough of you, bunny.”

you whimper as he licks you—practically eating you with his mouth. your clit is sensitive, the nub starting to swell against your will as he continues to devour you with his tongue.

“bunny,” sunghoon murmurs. “you like this, don’t you?”

“n-no! no, no!” you say, weak. you shake your head, trembling as your ears flatten.

“oh? but your body betrays you. your hole is already getting itself ready for my cock.” sunghoon chuckles, evil. “so wet already.”

sunghoon trails his fingers from your thighs to your pussy, and your hole flutters as he slowly sticks his two fingers past your entrance.

“fuck, bun, you’re so tight,” sunghoon groans. “your little virgin pussy is going to break when i get my cock in you. how are you going to take my knot like this?”

your eyes widen in fear. “knot? no—sunghoon, i can’t!”

“but you will,” sunghoon raises himself, and you’re horrified to see that he’s already nude. his cock is huge, hard and leaking. his cock is a deep shade of red, bordering on purple with how hard he is. “you’ll make it fit. it’s okay if it doesn’t. i’m still going to take you anyways.”

you shake your head as he gets closer to you, one hand around his cock as the tip prods at your entrance. “no! sunghoon! i’m not ready—you’re going to break me! please!”

sunghoon growls. “shut up. take it. take it like the innocent virgin bunny you are. i’m going to ruin you, you’re going to reek of alpha once i’m done with you. you’ll never be able to go home after this.”

he pushes into you roughly, and you can’t hold back the scream you let out. your voice cracks with the intensity of your scream. the pain is unbearable, your body just wants to cave in on itself and shut down.

“fuck, you’re so tight. i’m going to break you. i’m going to fill you with my litter. you’re never leaving, you’ll take my cum and carry my pups forever.”

sunghoon groans, his eyes never leaving yours as he fucks into you roughly, his balls slapping against your buttcheeks with every thrust. you smell the blood—the blood that leaves your cunt as sunghoon’s cock breaks past the first layer inside of you. it drips down your cheeks and onto the dirty ground beneath you, and you’re ashamed.

you’re no longer a virgin anymore. you’ve been taken and broken in by the worst kind—a wolf.

sunghoon growls, animalistic, slamming into you at a pace ao brutal that it bruises your insides—bruising your cervix. then you feel it, the tip of his cock breaching so deep into you, practically reaching your womb.

“you feel that?” sunghoon groans, rolling his eyes. “i’m so deep inside you, bunny. i’ve broken you, i’m going to fuck you so good, every day, every day until your stomach is round with my pups. and then i’ll do it again, and again, and again.”

you cry, but your body betrays you. the pain and pleasure makes you want to just die. you’re torn between submitting and fighting back.

your body seems to decide for you as you tighten around sunghoon’s cock.

“fuck, yeah, you like this, don’t you? you like being used by me, huh? fucking whore. just wanted to get your virginity stolen away from you by a big, bad wolf, hm? that’s all you really needed, right?”

sunghoon never lets up. his cock pushes past the entrance of your womb with every thrust, and he’s losing himself in the feeling of being inside your tight, wet heat. your walls are so soft, so tight, practically sucking him in every time he pulls back out, just to slam back in harder than before.

your body keeps betraying you, because on a particularly hard thrust, you seize up, releasing wet, clear liquid all over sunghoon’s cock.

“i’m—i’m peeing!” you squeal, your release still squirting like a waterfall on sunghoon’s cock.

“fuck, bunny, your little pussy just squirted all over me. you like it that much? fuck, fuck,” sunghoon growls, leaning down and pressing his face into your neck. “that’s it, keep squirting on alpha’s cock, just like that. make it all wet for me, fuck!”

sunghoon does the unimaginable then; he bites you. his teeth sink deep into the juncture of your neck and shoulder, biting down and breaking skin, his canines drawing blood from you.

you cry and scream and thrash in his hold, your pussy weakly clenching around his cock as he forces his mating bite onto you—claiming you as his for life.

you feel his cock swell, growing larger and bigger. you panic, trying to push him off of you, but it’s no use. he’s going to knot you, and you have no choice but to take it.

he pushes into you, breaking you open and shoving his knot inside of you. it hurts, you feel like you’ve been ripped open, and you can feel his body shake with pleasure as he finally releases his cum into your womb.

he keeps grinding and grinding as his cock shoots out more cum, filling you up with his white, hot release, marking you from the inside out.

he releases your neck, then, finally pulling his teeth out of you. you meet his eyes in horror, your mouth dropping open with a sob when you see blood—your blood all over sunghoon’s lips and chin.

he smirks, his teeth stained red, as he licks his lips.

“you’re mine now, little bunny. you can’t ever hide from me again.”

sunghoon grinds his cock, inflated with his knot, inside of you, and you know now—this is never going to end.

a/n: i feel insane it’s 2am i finished this in an hour pls bare w me if there r any mistakes…

[kalizzz]

Enha glory hole type scenario where they all take turns on you but you have to guess which member is fucking you and if you get it wrong they’ll edge you until you get it right

“moan my name, sweetheart.”

the wall makes it hard to guess, and so does the size of the cock fucking into you.

“j-jake!” you whine out, doing your best to fuck yourself back on the cock splitting you open.

a stinging slap lands on your ass and makes you cry out. you whine when the thick cock slips out of you with a wet schlick sound. “wrong, again.”

your needy mewl turns into a moan when a longer, girthier cock enters you. large hands grab your ass and spread you open as they start to fuck their cock into you. immediately your eyes roll back, loving this rougher, needier pace.

“fuck. say my name, baby.”

you don’t want to guess because you don’t want the pleasure to end. it’s also hard to try and place the voice when all you can focus on is how good this big cock feels.

“h-hoonie?” you whimper as your toes curl in pleasure.

another harsh slap makes you yelp. once again, your cunt is left empty as the thick cock is yanked out of you.

“how disappointing. thought you’d recognize my cock by now, sweetheart.”

this has been going on for hours now, and the mean laughs on the other side of the wall make you wonder if the guys are cheating on purpose so they can keep using you all night.

[kalizzz]

WTDETFWTFWTF MY HEART. WHY WHY WHUDPWPSPSL

N✧ RAINB✧WS - L. HS

PAIRING: HEESEUNG + FEM READER

WARNING$: SMUT, PROTECTED/UNPROTECTED SEX, ROUGH SEX, SHOWER SEX, ANAL, ORAL, FINGERING, CUM EATING, FUCKING WHILE HIGH/DRUNK, BLOWJOBS, PUSSY EATING, NIPPLE SUCKING, LICKING, DIRTY TALK, POSSESSIVENESS, LOTS OF SEX SCENES, ANGST, JEALOUSY, INSECURITY, CRYING, CHILDHOOD ABUSE, TRAUMA, FIGHTING, BLOOD, ARGUMENTS, CURSING, SMOKING, DRINKING, MENTIONS OF CLUBS, DRUGS/ DRUG DEALING, OVERDOSE, DEATH, SUICIDE. IF THESE WARNINGS MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE DO NOT READ!

WC: 26,048k

GENRE: ROCKBAND AU. INSPIRED BY CHASE ATLANTIC.

FEATURING: HEESEUNG VOCALIST, JAKE DRUMMER, JAY GUITAR, SUNGHOON BASSIST.

$YNOP$1$: it's not everyday your favorite underground up and coming rock band tours in your city, but the day they do, you take full advantage. Just seeing them live felt surreal, but what was even more unreal was the lead singer noticing you amongst a small crowd. You thought that made your night turns out once the concert had ended and you made your way backstage (thanks to your vip pass) is what really made your night, yet the surprises didn't stop there. After a brief interaction with the band, the front man, Lee heeseung, offers to take you back to the tour RV, leading to one unforgettable steamy night, and suddenly, he asks you to go on tour with him as you lay tangled in his sheets without a thought you say yes taking a step into his world but little did you know there's "no rainbows just white lines."

She’s finally here 😈 dropping a little treat before enhypens comeback

With your heart racing in your chest, you do one final glance at yourself in the mirror, putting the finishing touches on to make sure your outfit is good and everything is intact.

You sighed softly, nerves running through you from the anticipation of seeing your favorite band live.

You had front row seats or ga rather, which meant you’d be closest to the stage where your favorite singer was going to be performing on.

The idea of seeing him live makes you so excited. Despite spending nearly two whole paychecks on your ticket, you didn’t regret it. How could you when you were going to see heeseung, the lead singer, up close and personal? He was worth every cent, and you couldn’t wait to hear his heaven-like vocals in real time.

Once you’re satisfied with the reflection that stares back at you, you reach into your purse to grab your keys and feel another wave of nerves hit you.

This is really it. You thought while turning off your living room light and heading to your car to drive to the venue, which luckily was only eighteen minutes away.

Arriving at the venue sometime later, you paid for parking and left your car. Entering the venue, there weren’t that many people, seeing how it was an underground rock band; however, the turnout was still quite nice as they were starting to make their come up, which you were happy for, and hopefully, when they got much bigger they’d have more concerts in your city.

Weaving through the crowd, you found your spot on the floor, going close to the stage. Again, they weren’t that popular, so thankfully, you didn’t have to fight for a close spot.

It was about twenty minutes before the show, the venue lights were still on, and they played some of their music in the background on the speakers while people chatted away until it was time for the show to start.

You looked around, snapping a few shots of the crowd and stage. It was still pretty empty as people were buying drinks and snacks for the show, not you thought your stomach was in knots. The thought of even eating right now made you feel like regurgitating.

The last few minutes before they would take the stage, your nerves had started going crazy again, and it felt like hours had passed, and the clammy bodies that started to pile in beside you weren’t helping as you were very impatiently waiting for the performance.

Or more less him.

You know it sounds crazy a young girl having a crush on a boy band member.

Typical.

But there was just something about him. He was so captivating. He had you completely sucked in so far to the point he was the only member you really noticed out of all of them. Of course, you knew of the other members: Jay on guitar, sunghoon on bass, and Jake on drums.

But heeseung, the lead vocalist, had a spell on you, one that you just couldn’t shake.

Not to say you even wanted to.

When he was on stage, it was like he was meant to be there, a star shining so much brighter than the others. His enjoyment of performing, his charisma, and the way he took control of the crowd and the stage while looking effortlessly cool and handsome was utterly mesmerizing to you.

His looks were a big plus. His messy black hair made you want to run your fingers through it. His body was slim yet muscled, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t think about tracing his lean biceps with your fingertips.

That was just the tip of the iceberg, the way he’d stick his tongue out and the unnecessary rolls of his pelvis area while he sang a song that did not require such movements, but it was so uniquely him and equally satisfying to watch, and you can’t believe that not even five minutes from now you’d be seeing all that up this close.

Your camera was already ready, waiting for them to step from behind the curtains.

As they took the stage, the crowd erupted. It was almost a blur, the music loud and ringing in your ears, people, including you, singing along and enjoying yourselves to the opening song.

Your eyes were practically glued to him the whole time, completely mesmerized by him, the sweat rolling down his Adam’s Apple, the way his tank top clung to his hot, sweaty skin made you bite your lip, and if you weren’t already going insane when he made eye contact with you, you absolutely lost it screaming your lungs out, your hands reaching for him on stage along with many other fan girls. He smirked at you and came closer, clasping his hand with yours. He sang effortlessly while interacting with you.

It was only a second, but it felt like your heart stopped, and it was only you and him at that moment.

The instant he let go, you wanted him to hold your hand again, but sadly, you knew that wouldn’t happen.

Many tracks played after that. The song they were currently performing was nearing its end, and heeseung did his signature jumping down from the stage and running through the crowd to high-five all the people in the middle row.

You watched with envy, wishing you had bought one of those seats instead, but nevertheless, you still enjoyed watching his fan interactions. He was always the best at them.

When it came to the slower songs, you were completely immersed, staring into his eyes, his angel-like voice hitting your ears in the sweetest tone you’ve ever heard, even better than listening with headphones.

If anyone were to look at you right now, they’d think you were in love with the way your eyes sparkled as you stared at the lead singer with admiration and adoration.

And the somebody looking at you was the man himself, his eyes boring into your own, and you couldn’t care less about the ticket price, you’d pay double just to have this experience again as you made eye contact with the person you only ever admired through the screen.

He was so perfect, and you hoped the soft smile playing on your lips conveyed that.

His eyes shifted away from you, but yours never did. They stayed stuck on him until the show was coming to its close, and they all went backstage to prepare for the last song.

“Which one are you picking?” Sunghoon spoke up, wiping the sweat from his forehead with a white towel and a grin on his face.

“Front row third to the left is definitely mine,” heeseung replied after gulping down a bottle of ice-cold water, his other hand occupied with a pre-roll.

“Can’t you go two seconds without getting high?” Jay shook his head disapprovingly of his friend, who smoked way too often.

“No,” heeseung replied carelessly, blowing the smoke into his friend's face.

“Anyways, I was gonna pick her,” Jay sulks, toying with the tuner on his guitar.

“Too late. Besides, you know I always get first pick as the front man,” heeseung says while taking another hit.

This has been a routine for them. They’d always pick a girl in the crowd, heeseung, being the leader, had the first say and then the rest, but by the end of the night, they had all picked a girl to sleep with, if not two.

What can they say? It’s the perks of being a rockstar.

“I don’t pick. I just look in the crowd and point,” Jake chuckles as heeseung passes him the joint.

“We all know you stick your dick in anything,” Sunghoon chimes in.

“Shit, they’re all pretty and hot with a pussy I can bury my dick into. Why would I care?” Jake whistles, twirling his drumstick between his slender fingers that his fans had gone crazy over a million times.

“Alright, let’s get this over with,” heeseung announced, cutting off the banter after wiping the sweat off his face and neck.

“That desperate to get your dick wet?” Jay teased with a quirked brow.

“For once, you’re actually right. My shit is so hard right now just thinking about it,” he laughed, gripping the front of his jeans provocatively.

Jake hurriedly takes a final hit, and the others gather around, forming a small circle, quickly putting on their serious faces and doing a team chant before going on stage for the last song of the night.

When they came back on stage, the crowd cheered loudly, already knowing what song they were performing.

It was one of their more mature songs. Well, all of their songs were pretty out there, but they were known for this performance and the explicit things they did on stage.

Like Jay fingering his guitar, sunghoon licking up the neck of his bass, Jake turning his drumsticks to a v shape and licking between them.

And last but not least, heeseung did seemingly everything in his power to captivate everyone in the audience and bring out their wildest fantasies.

From lifting up his tank top to holding the mic between his legs during the guitar solo, stroking the instrument with his dominant hand with the most innocent look on his face, all while acting like he wasn’t pretending it was his erect phallus.

You almost lost your mind seeing him doing it so up close you could feel butterflies erupt in your stomach and an all too familiar feeling between your legs.

Familiar cause you had touched yourself to that scene on the screen over and over, your walls clenching as you came wishing he was really stroking his cock in front of you instead of that stupid mic and in front of thousands of fans.

But that’s beside the point here. This was by far the best concert you’ve ever been to. No amount of money could compare to this performance. It was everything you could have asked for and so much more.

When the show ended and the lights went out, all your excitement was replaced with nerves once again because you had the VIP pass, which meant meeting the members backstage.

The line was short, which made it all the worse, but when it was finally your turn, you calmed yourself and greeted the members, bowing to each of them respectfully, and you went into the center to take a picture with them. Luckily, you were the last person to go up, which meant you got to share a few words with them, mainly just thanking them for coming to your city and how you loved the show, and you hoped for them to come back again soon.

Heeseung gave the other members a knowing look unbeknownst to you, and they started to distance themselves, and so did you, ready to leave the venue, but someone caught your wrist, causing you to gasp as you turned around and were face to face with none other than heeseung himself before you were playing it cool and calm like you didn’t scream out your lungs for him during the whole show, but now that you’re face to face you couldn’t help but feel nervous and shy, especially with his hand on you.

“Thank you for coming. Glad you enjoyed the show, Angel” he shamelessly eyed you up and down, licking his lips at the sight of your exposed cleavage, feeling the blood rush straight to his cock, the adrenaline from the show still very much alive and your reaction to him boosting his confidence and ego by a million.

“I- you’re welcome,” you stutter, not knowing what to say. With him being so close, you could smell his Prada cologne invading your senses.

The scent is easy to detect since you bought the exact kind he wore and spritzed it on your pillows before bed.

“Since I’m so grateful you came, why don’t you let me thank you in private?” The hand on your arm moves to your chest, his palm lying flat on your left breast. The action was so bold, yet he knew you wouldn’t tell him off because judging by the way you were staring at him all night, giving him your best fuck me eyes, he could only assume you were down to fuck with him.

And you prove him to be right.

Your breath hitches as you feel him lightly squeeze your left breast. “Heeseung,” you whimper his name quietly, and his cock twitched in his pants.

Not only were you beautiful, you were easy too, just his type.

You looked around, eyes flashing to see who heard or who was watching, but there was suddenly no one there, no security, no cameras, no members, just you and him.

“Focus on me,” he says lowly. “No one else is here, just you and me.” he strokes your cheek gently. “What do you say, hmm? Come back to the RV with me. I’ll give you a little tour,” he says with a lazy smile.

Nodding your head, almost in a trance-like state, you accept his offer, not even thinking about it more than once.

It was heeseung you’d let him do anything he wanted to you.

“Follow me.” he bends down briefly and kisses you on the cheek, and with that single kiss alone, you’d fallen for him.

All the fans had left long ago, and you two easily left out the back, going straight into the touring RV where the rest of his bandmates were.

They all smiled at you, knowing what was about to go down, and you lowered your head embarrassingly, not expecting them to be there.

As embarrassing as it was, you couldn’t say no to heeseung the man you dreamed about day in and day out.

Hell, this whole experience was unexpected, but when he took you back to his little room near the back and forced you against the wall impatiently, his lips pressing against yours hungrily was when it all became real.

You were actually kissing Lee heeseung, and it was….

Perfect.

And it wasn’t a dream like all the other times.

Like a switch had flipped, you reciprocated immediately, your hands wrapping around his neck as you kissed him back with equal enthusiasm.

“Hmm,” he groans against your lips, enjoying the way you keep up with him as your hands run through his wet nape hair.

He firmly presses himself against you, feeling your breasts smushed against his chest.

You whine into the kiss. His bulge pressed against you, his body keeping you pinned to the wall while he devours you, his hot tongue sleazily licking into your mouth, wet and messy, as he licks, sucks, and bites on your plump lips.

He jerked his hips forward, his bulge nudged against your core, and you gasped at the sudden friction. He chuckled amusedly, his hot breath fanning your face as he dived back in for more, sucking on your tongue lewdly, making your head spin as you gasped for more oxygen.

Your hearts pounding against one another, his forehead resting against yours, his chest heaves desperately, searching for breath, his nose tickling your jaw before he opens his mouth, kissing along your neck and chest.

“Heeseung,” you breathed out, lips swollen from the kiss as you panted and threw your head back against the wall, giving him free rein over your body.

He lowers his head and opens his mouth, licking at your exposed breasts, the feeling making a gush of arousal seep from your throbbing hole.

Taking advantage of your head tilted back, he trails upward, licking a stripe up your neck until he reaches your lips, forcing your head down to capture them in another breathtaking kiss.

Once satisfied, he parts from your lips again to kiss your jaw, his nose pressing against your temple as he moves your earlobe. He licks from your neck to your jaw, your ear, your chest, and any skin that’s exposed to him, devouring you whole.

He slipped his hands inside your leather jacket, yanking it off your body and exposing your shoulders, just another piece of bare skin for him to cover with saliva and kisses.

You’ve never felt so hot, so needy, so impatient.

Everything he did to you was so intense his lips left a fire in their wake, heating up your body and igniting a flame so strong that nothing could extinguish it.

Your grip loosened in his hair, your body overwhelmed, barely hanging on as he ravished you.

He leaned back just long enough to throw his baseball cap off somewhere in his small room, revealing his black hair, giving you more to grab onto.

You stared at one another, panting heavily, no words exchange, but the tension and feeling of arousal coursing through your veins.

He easily gripped the hem of the black tank top you wore, pulling it over your head. As you obediently raised your arms, your tits came flopping out of the material braless nipples perked up for his hungry eyes to feast on.

Grabbing your breasts, he squeezed them in his large, veiny hands, thumbs toying with your hardened buds. He stared at your face intently, pushing your buttons to watch how you reacted, your face entirely riddled with lust and pleasure just from him massaging your tits.

He bit his lips, squeezing harder, pulling a gasp from you as he rolled his thumbs over your nipples. His cock was getting so hard it started to ache, his wet tip surely staining the front of his blue jeans.

Sucking in a deep breath, he lowered his right hand to cup your clothed cunt.

“A-ah,” he smiled, adding some pressure, and you automatically ground yourself on his palm.

“Fuck” he muttered, feeling the heat from between your legs over his palm. He couldn’t wait to get inside you. He was so hard, needing a release desperately.

He’s never felt this feral, the need to be inside something so strong he felt like he had to stick his dick in your warm hole unless he’d explode.

Retracting his hands, he strips out of his white tank top, revealing his chest to you. His nipples are hard, and you can’t help but want to suck them.

He quickly undid his jeans, pulling them down to his knees.

You watched him breathless and awestruck pussy aching desperately for him, and you felt yourself clench down tightly when he gripped the waistband of his boxers pulling them down, his thick hard veiny cock flopping out, standing tall, precum seeping out of his tiny hole.

You licked your lips at the sight, sinking your teeth into your lower one, mouth watering as you eyed his pretty cock.

He sat down on his bed, beckoning you over. “Come here,” he called you to him, and you took a few steps. Soon, you were standing before him half-naked. “On your knees”

The way you slowly sunk down to your knees, holding eye contact with him the whole time, made his dick twitch. You placed your hands on his knees, going higher to caress his smooth thighs. He leaned back on his palms, relaxing as your hands ran all over his legs and thighs. “You wanna suck it baby?” He asked and bit on his lip with a raised brow, watching as visible excitement grew in your eyes.

You rested your cheek on his inner thigh, nodding softly as he patted your cheek. “Yeah?” He says softly.

Your hand wrapped around the thickness of his cock, and he hissed, feeling your cold hand fondling his hot throbbing length.

Stroking up and down slowly, you swirled his tip with your thumb spreading his sticky precum all on his dick.

He made a sound of approval, letting you do your own thing as he sat back.

Your fingertips tickled his balls before reaching up to pump his length some more. He was so hard and warm to the touch.

Your mouth salivates, and you pick your head up off his thigh, sticking out your tongue and licking up and down on his girthy shaft.

He groans, head tilting back as his fingers dig into the sheets.

Your tongue flicked on his tip, tasting the sweet yet salty precum. You moaned at the taste, eyes fluttering shut to relish every last string of his arousal.

Entranced by the taste of him and his soft grunts, you parted your lips, wrapping around the tip of his length, sucking him like a lollipop of the sweetest kind.

He gasped softly, his mouth opening in a silent moan, abs tensing as your wet warmth covered his sensitive cock head.

You placed your palms flat on his thighs, bobbing your head as you sucked more of his length in.

Opening your mouth wider, you let your saliva drip-free, running down his tip to his balls, getting it wet so you could suck on him easier.

His toes curled, balls tensing as you swallow more than half of his thick cock.

You closed your eyes, savoring the feeling of his heavy warm cock on your tongue. You were barely even at it for a minute, yet you were addicted to the feeling, but the back of your throat felt empty, so you sunk down further, letting the tip of his cock fill that hollow space. Your wet lips tickled his ballsack, and he whimpered, his body trembling as you took him balls deep. He’s never felt head this good before.

You swallow around his cock, and goosebumps form on his skin. “God damn,” he grunts, watching you suck his cock. The way it just disappears in your mouth leaves him floored. You’re taking every inch down your throat so fucking good. “Sucking it real good” he lets out a breathy moan and lifts his hand up to stroke through your hair. “Shit,” he gulps, throat running dry from how much he’s panting.

Coming up for a quick breather, you release him from your mouth, your spit and his precum covering his pulsing cock.

The light from the tv hit just right, displaying his cock covered in a thin sheen of wetness, looking even more enticing for you to suck.

You lick the veins running along it, and he shudders, breath uneven.

His body jolts when you tease his tiny opening with the tip of your tongue. “Fuck” his eyes nearly rolled in his head. You were doing him so good he’d never been this turned on before

You inhaled him fully, forcing him as deep as possible before swallowing and choking on his hard cock.

The tight sensation of your wet throat closing up around him makes him moan loudly.

Your eyes roll back in your head as you intentionally choke around him some more, loving the feeling of gagging on his long dick.

You pulled off his shaft, slurping around his base and sucking one of his balls into your mouth while you stroked his cock.

Lapping at his sensitive balls, you tap his dick across your face obscenely, the quiet smack of his shaft hitting your cheek echoing in the room, and he loved it so much.

This was the best head he’d ever gotten. He loved it just like this: wet, messy, and sloppy.

You moaned around his cock, the little vibration in the back of your throat tickling his tip. “Oh my go- fuck” he whispers to himself, head falling back as he lets himself go enjoying the feeling completely, the wet, dirty sounds of you slurping his cock like music to his ears.

His hand taps your head lightly, letting you know he’s close, and you suck him with more vigor, moaning constantly, sucking him in like your life depended on it, your throat begging for his cum. “Gonna cum” he whispers shakily, hips lifting off the bed as strained moans leave his lips, his balls tightening and cock going rigid as he spills straight down your throat.

Your hands squeeze into his thighs, your mouth hollow, sucking him up and down as he rewards your work with his creamy load coating your tonsils.

Your jaw was tired, but you kept going until he turned soft in your mouth, and you still didn’t stop sucking around him.

He gently pulled you off him, too sensitive to keep going. “Angel,” he groaned, eyes rolling in his head as you showed him your tongue clean of his cum. “Get up here.” Getting up from your sitting position, you climb onto his bed.

He rid himself of all his clothes and turned to you, gently laying you back on the bed. He pulled off your shoes, your black skirt coming next, and he groaned angrily at the next layer of clothing, hindering his path. He grabbed the crotch of your panties, ripping them open, revealing your glistening hole pulsing and wet with your arousal.

Licking his lips, he spreads your legs open, laying between them, leveling his face with your wet pussy.

You spread your legs wider, and he smirked at your shamelessness. “You’re fucking dripping” he groped your thighs, kneading them as he inhaled your natural scent.

“Heeseung,” you whine shyly.

He chuckled before diving into your core. You moaned at the first lick, and from then on, it was endless, your moans loud and lewd.

His hot tongue slithered through your engorged pussy lips, his sticky saliva making you even wetter.

He was so filthy with it rubbing his pursed lips on your clit, sucking off your arousal, nose brushing your erect nub. “Hmm, that’s some good pussy” he licked his lips, going in for another taste, tongue darting in and out of your hole, licking straight from the source of your sweet nectar, his cock growing hard again from your smell and taste.

Your hands found his hair yet again, pulling and tugging as he ate you out, your face contorting in so much pleasure. His mouth was so warm, soft, and wet against your pussy. It felt so good.

“Oh my god!” You squeaked as you felt one of his thick ring-riddled fingers enter your tight cunt.

“Holy fuck, she’s so tight” he pushes his finger in knuckle deep, feeling your ridged walls hugging his finger so snugly.

You whined, your pussy fluttering around his finger uncontrollably. “Heeseung”

He flicked your clit with the tip of his tongue, adding a second finger along his first one. Your insides felt so hot and wet, he knew you’d have some good pussy, but not this fucking good.

He stretched your little walls open with his two fingers, mouth sucking on your clit desperately.

You pulled his hair so hard it felt like you were ripping it out, but he loved it, moaning into your pussy from the pleasure mixed with pain.

“Cum on my face,” he mumbled, his deep voice vibrating against your pussy.

“Heeseung,” you choked out your walls, squeezing his fingers nice and tight as you came.

“Just like that,” he mumbles to himself, rubbing your silky walls and pleasuring you through your orgasm from start to finish.

“Heeseung,” your chest heaved as you continued to moan his name, the sight between your legs down right filthy, his face drenched in your arousal as he lazily sucked and kissed your pussy, teasing you on purpose as he nipped at your core with his lips.

He shook your thighs lightly, pulling back and licking his lips.

Your taste is still fresh on his tongue.

You’re still trying to catch your breath, but he’s already reaching for his stash of condoms. Pulling one out, he tore the packet open, pulling out the rubber circle.

He placed it on his tip, his length already hard again just from eating you out. Your taste alone could probably make him cum again.

You lay breathless on his bed, just waiting for him to make his next move. Even if you just came, you still needed more to feel satisfied.

He effortlessly put the condom on and then joined you on the bed.

Hovering over you, he placed his fists beside your head, your legs automatically spreading to let him in between. He leaned down, placing a few soft kisses on your lips and chest, his cock occasionally brushing up against your pussy, the mood rising, and it takes barely anything to get either of you guys going again.

Just as his tip caught on to your hole, he was about to push in, but the loud banging on his door disrupts everything. “Fuck” he mutters in frustration, and you jump lightly from the sound.

“How much longer are you gonna fuck her? I'm hungry,” Jake whines from outside the door.

“Fuck off, just go without me!” Heeseung shouts back, clearly aggravated, and that’s enough for Jake to sulk and walk away from the door.

Heeseung sighed and gently stroked your cheek with his thumb as an apology.

You were so drunk on the idea of him fucking you you didn’t even care about his members being right next to you. Your inhibitions completely disappeared as you wrapped your arms around him, your eyes dazed out completely, and you focused on nothing but him.

You pulled him in for a kiss, your lips resting against his as you lowered your hand to his waist, pulling him in, and he wasted no more time pushing in your heat.

He clenched his jaw and breathed deeply through his nose, sheathing himself within your hot walls.

Your mouth opened, a soft breath exhaled, and you already felt so full with just half of him in you.

“Fuck” he cursed the soft look in your eyes, turning him on more than it probably should, but you just looked so fucking good, so cute and pliant for him. Your eyes were obviously full of lust, and he loved that you wanted it just as much as him.

He pushed in all the way, stilling in your heat so you could adjust but also for his sake cause he was about to lose his sanity. You were so tight and warm that even the layer of the condom wasn’t helping him much. The sensitivity was so strong. He could have cum the moment he entered you, but his willpower was too strong. He needed to fuck you and have you crying, screaming and begging for his dick.

He pulled out to the tip and then pushed right back inside, missing the warmth already. He hummed lowly, starting a steady rhythmic motion, his tip fucking in and out of you deeply.

“Oh, heeseung,” you breathed out, gripping his shoulders, your breasts sloshing from his soft yet powerful thrusts.

You whimpered quietly, taking every single last one of his inches, your lips pursed, and the way you looked at him, almost as if you were begging for more.

He gripped your thighs, pushing them up to your chest and pressing you into his mattress, his long dick hitting impossibly deep as his sweaty thighs clapped against your ass, and you’re sure everyone could hear how roughly he was fucking into you.

“Fuck!” He grunted, speeding up his thrusts, thick cock spearing into you perfectly.

You held onto his biceps as he drilled into you without abandon. “Yes!” You cried out softly. He felt so deep inside you.

“This dick feel good, Angel?” He smirked down at you, knowing you loved it by the look on your face.

You nodded your head rapidly, taking his cock deeply, loving the way you could feel him inside your guts.

“Let me hear. Tell me, is it good?” He said, panting, sweat forming on his body as the veins in his arms bulged.

“Yes, heeseung so good,” you moaned.

“Say it again,” he replied.

“Fuck yes, you fuck me so good,” you cry out, walls clenching on his cock.

“How good?” He digs in deeper, pressing your legs as close to your chest as possible, the bed creaking loudly as he slams his hips into you fucking in and out of your wet squelching hole.

“Fuck” Your eyes roll back in your head, the pleasure too much to bear, your head spinning as you mewl, your body shaking from the intensity he fucks you with. “You’re so good, fuck, keep fucking my pussy daddy!” It slipped out by accident, but luckily for you, that just drove him even more wild.

“Yeah, you love daddy’s dick?” he grunts, the vein in his forehead popping out as sweat rolls off his body and onto yours. The air in the RV is tight, stuffy, and covered with steam and the smell of sex.

“Yes, harder, Daddy. Please fuck me harder!” The bed knocked against the wall, his thrusts completely relentless, his hips on autopilot as he plowed into you over and over again, your arousal covering his base and dripping down the crease of your ass.

“You feel so fucking good,” he groans, speeding up his thrusts fucking you the way you’re begging for it. “I’m so deep in you, Angel.”

His cock starts to twitch inside you, and he reaches down to your clit so you can come together. “Shit!” You moan out, and within an instant, you’re clamping down hard on his dick, letting go and cumming the hardest you’ve ever come.

“You’re gonna make me cum” he gives you three more strokes, and then he comes undone into the condom, breathing heavily and collapsing on top of you, his body sore as he searches for his breath.

He buried his face in your neck, both of you too tired to move and basking in the afterglow of that amazing session.

“We got another show tomorrow,” he breathes out after a few minutes. “You coming?”

He spoke against your neck, nibbling on it softly, exhaustion evident in his voice.

“No ticket,” you mumble out, stroking his sweaty back.

“I’m your ticket” he props himself up, looking down at you with a cocky grin. “All you gotta do is show up and look pretty.”

-

So that’s exactly what you did. You showed up and looked pretty. Heeseung paid extra attention to you for obvious reasons. You can’t believe one night you’re in the crowd hoping for him to notice you, and the next, he’s staring right at you after fucking your brains out the night prior.

The show was great, just like last night. The whole thing still felt unreal, and you were having a difficult time processing everything, but you wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

They played the same set list, but you still enjoyed it, singing along and vibing with the crowd. After the concert was over, you met up with heeseung in the back, just like last night. He took your hand and led you straight to the RV, taking you to his room. “How’d you like the show?” He asked, smirking as he caressed your waist, closing the door with his foot as he pushed you further into his space.

“I loved it like always,” you say, trailing your index finger down his chest. He bit his lip, letting your hands roam over his sweaty body. You slipped your hands under his shirt, feeling his lean body beneath your fingertips, your thumbs grazing his erect nipples, and his breath hitches.

You lightly pushed him onto the bed, your hands working on his jeans, opening the button with urgency. “I’ll show you how much I liked it,” you say, kneeling before him on the bed.

You pull down his pants and boxers with a seductive look in your eye. His hard dick popping out was a sight to see. It somehow looked even better than last night. You eagerly pumped it up and down your lips, attaching it to his precum-stained tip, sucking off his sweaty essence.

You hollowed your cheeks, immediately going down on him, desperate to feel his thick cock on your tongue. You’d been thinking about it all night long.

You stroked his base with your palm before taking his full length into your mouth while gently rubbing his full balls.

“Shit” he wiped his hand over his face in disbelief at how good your mouth felt around him. He felt like he was dreaming.

He laid back, putting his hands behind his head and letting you have your way with his dick.

You transition from soft, slow strokes to sucking on him like his dick is your lifeline.

You moaned on his dick, tasting his salty precum on your tongue. You only had him last night, but now you lived for the taste. It was already so addicting. “So good,” you mumbled on his shaft, slurping him up whole.

“Oh fuck” his hips bucked slightly, his cock getting buried deeper in the back of your throat. “That’s it, keep sucking me in real deep,” he groans, bucking his hips a few times before cumming in your mouth unannounced, but he couldn’t have predicted he’d cum that fast something about your mouth felt magical to him and it had him cumming in mere seconds.

You continue to suck him in as deep as possible, obliging his wish and swallowing his cum until he goes soft in your mouth. You hesitantly pull off him, wiping the corner of your lips with your thumb and sucking it clean, showing him you wouldn’t let a drop go to waste.

“Ass up face down for me,” he orders impatiently, taking off his clothes while you do the same, fumbling with your articles of clothing till they’re off and getting into position for him to fuck you.

He takes out a condom from the same drawer as last night, putting it on easily like he’s done it a million times and positioning himself behind you. “Gonna fuck this wet pussy so good” he glides his cock through your pussy lips, wetting it up.

“Please,” you beg, your hole hot, clenching, and ready for him to take you.

He moves forward on the bed aiming his cock at your hole, and he ruts in, burying himself in your tight cunt with ease. “So fucking tight for daddy, yeah?”

“Shit, yes,” Your eyes fluttered shut as you squeezed the sheets burying your face into his pillows, your walls relaxing around his cock, allowing him to sink in balls deep.

He started out rough, his strokes slow but strong, digging into the depths of your soaked pussy. “Yes,” you moaned, your sounds of pleasure muffled by his pillows as your walls sucked him in, desperately needing more.

He pulled nearly all the way out and roughly slammed back in, knocking the air from your lungs. “Oh!” You panted, your body sliding up the bed with each thrust, your hard nipples brushing against his mattress.

His soft hands pinned you down to the bed, forcing you to arch your back as deep as it could go, and that’s when you felt it, his tip bumping right against your cervix.

You laid there taking his deep back shots, and you got so wet his dick was just sliding in and out of you as you chanted yes over and over again. “Take this dick, angel. Just like that. Look at you swallowing my cock” he spanked you as his sweaty thighs kept hitting your butt with every thrust of his hips. Your pussy was so wet and creamy with each stroke your juices were splashing on his bed and staining the sheets, and the sight was to die for.

“Yes, give it to me, fill me with your cock” you cried out, giving your hole to him and letting him fuck you hard, rough, deep, and fast, just the way you needed.

“Nasty girl, you’re so shameless for my cock. You love this, don’t you?” He taunts fucking you to the hilt, nuzzling his wet tip against your cervix.

“Yes, Daddy,” you drooled on the sheets, your back arching to take more of his dick as his heavy sack slapped against your throbbing clit.

He gripped your waist tighter, holding you in place to fuck you impossibly deep.

It only took a few more precise rolls of his hips before he was groaning loudly and cumming into the condom. “Shit shit shit,” he stutters, mouth going slack in a loud, drawn-out moan.

He positioned his right hand under you, easily finding your clit to massage it until you finished, which was embarrassingly quick. “I’m cumming daddy!” His thrusts turn slow over, sensitivity taking over the both of you as he rubs your clit till your walls clamp down on him, milking him for all his creamy nut.

Collapsing down on top of you, he kisses your shoulders, nibbling at the skin and panting. “Come on tour with me,” he says out of the blue while you’re still trying to catch your bearings.

“What?” You say, confused, your brain still fuzzy and fucked out.

“You heard me.” he kisses your cheek. “Come on tour with me. Don’t think I can live without being inside you every day.”

“Hee-“

“Fuck y/n, just say yes,” he whines desperately and thrusts his hips, tiredly, already addicted to you, the faint pulsing of your walls making him grow hard inside you all over again. “Feel that what you do to me? Please say yes. I need you so bad.”

“What about the members? And we barely even know each other.” You stutter, feeling his tip rubbing at your g spot. Your words holding no real conviction.

“They won’t care. Besides, what better way to get to know you than from the inside out?” he hums, his cock twitching inside you at the implication.

You contemplated, but it didn’t take you long to agree, too smitten with him to say no. After all, it is Lee heeseung, no and his name could not be used in the same sentence when it came to you. “Y-yes”

“That’s my good fucking girl” he props himself up on his palms, sensually rolling his hips, giving you a night you won’t soon forget.

-

When you two are finally done, it’s three in the morning, and countless cum filled condoms lay on the bed with your sweaty, spent bodies.

His breath is still slightly heavy from exhaustion as he rolls to the side of the bed, reaching into his bedside nightstand and pulling out a lighter and a pre-rolled joint.

He holds it to his lips, taking a puff slowly. He exhaled as his eyes fluttered closed, pleasure filling every inch of his body.

“Didn’t know you smoked.” You cuddle close to his side, a finger trailing his sweaty pecs.

He just chuckles softly. “Do you?” You shook your head no. “We gotta change that, here.” he sits up, holding the lit joint to your lips. “Open.” You part your lips slightly with no hesitation cause of who’s asking, and he places it between them. “Now suck on it and hold for two seconds” You do as he says, and you end up choking right away, causing him to smile endearingly at your effort. “We’ll work on that.” he pats your back softly.

After a few attempts, you’re inhaling and exhaling like a pro. The feeling of being high was foreign yet enjoyable as you lay naked in his arms, cuddling. “Never knew a person could look so sexy while smoking,” he comments, and it makes you blush.

He takes a hit and then passes it to you, stroking your thigh and pulling you over his lap as he palms at your bare ass, squeezing softly. “Hee,” you exhale softly, whining from his sensual grip. You were so tired from the previous rounds, yet your pussy was still throbbing for him.

He moans lowly after hearing your soft, needy whines. “Take another hit,” he said softly, eyes hooded as he gripped your ass, grabbing two handfuls, this time kneading on it as he leaned in to suck on your left nipple.

You throw your head back, pleasure taking over you as he moves to your breasts, groping them in his large hands, his mouth moving to each nipple as you feel his cock growing hard underneath you.

You shyly began to roll your hips over his length, your pussy leaving sticky trails of arousal on his dick.

He smirks at your movements, you hold the blunt to his lips this time, and he takes it with no hesitation.

You gripped his shoulders, grinding on his hard dick. It didn’t take long for you both to want more, and you lifted up slightly, grabbing his base and guiding it to your wet hole. “Slow down, Angel, I don’t even have a condom on yet,” he chuckled at your recklessness. “You just really want my dick bad, huh? he teases you and you moan shamelessly, hips rolling in search of his dick.

You take the reins, hands reaching for the drawer with his condoms. You don’t notice what else is inside other that the condoms, and you take out a single condom, ripping it open impatiently as you lean back on his thighs, easily slipping the condom down his erect length.

He watched you as you did all the work, taking a few drags of his joint as he laid beneath you.

You repositioned yourself over him once again, aligning your dripping core with his cock, and you immediately sunk down on him, sighing in pleasure at the feeling of being so full.

You sat on his hard cock, walls throbbing around him, eyes falling shut as you took a solid moment to embrace the feeling of his thickness pressed against every inch of your wet walls.

He held your waist with his left hand running his fingers along your skin softly as you began to bounce on his cock, the pace slow at first but gradually speeding up. “You’re so fucking tight” he squeezed his fingers into your waist, huffing softly each time you came down on his length.

You whimper softly, arching your back as you rested your hands on his chest for support. “Fuck” you moaned, breathing heavily as you rode his thick cock, your legs feeling tired already cause of the feeling of being split open was so good, but you kept your pace, going up and down restlessly.

The sound of your sweaty thighs softly smacking against his, along with steam, the smell of sex and smoke filled his room. “Ride on me just like that,” he encourages, taking one more hit before setting the lit joint aside to take hold of your hips, pulling you down forcibly on his cock. “Fuck yourself on this dick angel.”

“Mmm, hee,” you whined, your legs burning and your walls clenching as his words went straight to your core. “Fuck, i love your cock so much,” you moaned, tits jumping up and down in his face as you bounced on it.

“Shit,” your words make his dick twitch inside you, and he feels like he’s not gonna last much longer. “Show me how much you love it.”

His words fuel you to go faster, slamming yourself down on his dick over and over as you clawed at his bare chest.

Your pussy creamed around the condom, a wet mess between your guy's groin area as wet squelching sounds mixed in with your lewd, broken moans.

Heeseung didn’t announce when he came, but you knew by the way his brows creased, and his abs clenched that he was close. “Bounce on it just like that” he groans out and seconds later you felt the familiar hard throbbing of his cock, and he was emptying himself out into the condom with a loud moan.

You kept bouncing on him, and he put his thumb on your overstimulated clit, circling it until you joined him seconds later, squeezing out every last ounce of cum he had left in his body. As it seeped into the condom, you wished that you could feel him cumming, inside you instead.

“Kiss Daddy,” he breathed out, and you didn’t hesitate to kiss him. He pulled you into his chest, and you both passed out seconds later with him still nestled in you.

-

You woke up in his arms the next morning, the blunt from last night completely burnt out in his ashtray, the sun peeking through the curtains blinding you.

You buried your face in his neck, hiding from the sun and inhaling his scent, which was a mixture of sweat cologne, weed and maybe a bit of what you two did last night.

With you tickling his chest, he wakes up from his slumber, gently stroking your shoulder, his eyes still closed. “Hmm,” he groans, his voice deep with sleep. “What time is it, Angel?” He mumbles, looking at the clock.

“It’s 12, baby,” you hum.

“We’re late for breakfast,” he replies groggily, eyes flicking open as he turns to you with a tired smile.

“I could always have mine here,” you joke, nibbling on his pec.

There’s a hint of a smile on his lips as he chuckles. “Come on, Angel,” he whispers, and both of you finally climb out of bed, finding whatever clothes that weren’t stained with sweat or cum.

When you left his room, it was quite awkward as you ate a late breakfast with his bandmates. He had already told them earlier in the morning when you were still asleep, you’d be going on tour with them, and needless to say, they all gave him shit about.

“You fell in love with a girl in the crowd,” Jake teased him first.

“For real, did you see him? He couldn’t keep his eyes off her the second-night dude was trying so hard not to get a boner on stage,” Jay chimed in.

“Enough,” heeseung sighed. “I didn’t fall for shit. I’m just keeping her around for the tour.”

“What?” Jake replied surprised, his eyes puppy-like and innocent.

“Just for the tour, it’s much easier than getting a new girl every night. Plus, her head game is absolute heaven,” heeseung says nonchalantly and kicks his feet up on a small table.

“Dude, that is even low for you, and that’s saying a lot,” Sunghoon said.

“If she’s stupid enough to think I want anything to do with her outside her pussy, then that’s her problem, not mine” he shrugged.

“You’re literally taking her on a tour that still has months left. If I was her, I’d be getting mixed signals too,” Jay states the obvious.

Heeseung reaches into his pocket, lighting up a joint. “Don’t care. She barely even knows me, so I doubt she’s getting mixed signals.”

“Okay, okay, interesting,” Jake hums, rubbing his chin in thought.

“What?” Heeseung asked as he exhaled a puff of smoke.

“So you don’t like her like that, right? Just using her for sex?” Jake asked to confirm.

“And?” Heeseung said, not seeing where Jake was going with this.

“Nothing, nothing,” Jake smirks to himself.

“Whatever bullshit you’re thinking of, you can fuck right off,” heeseung says immediately.

“Nah, it’s cool. It’s just if you don’t like her, I was thinking of getting a piece for myself. I wouldn’t mind some good head right now,” Jake reasons.

“No,” heeseung dismisses right away.

“Bro, why not?” Jake whines. “You don’t like her.”

“I don’t, but I also don’t like the idea of kissing lips that were on your pathetic dick,” heeseung fires back.

“Come on, bros, before hoes, right?” Jake doesn’t let it go as easily as heeseung would like, and Jay and Sunghoon sigh at their antics.

“No, and if any of you fuckers go near her, we’re gonna have serious problems,” heeseung warns.

“Possessive much,” Sunghoon eggs on, and heeseung rolls his eyes, growing tired of the conversation.

“You got it, boss,” Jake saluted. “But hey, if she comes on to me, just know I’m not saying no, especially cause she’s not even claimed that’s free game.” he shrugged.

Heeseung clenched his jaw as he got up, leaving the room where he could still hear them making remarks about you.

That was how his morning went, but hopefully, his afternoon could be spent without his bandmates irritating him.

As you all ate silently at breakfast, heeseung had his hand placed on your knee, stroking it softly while eating away like he hadn’t eaten in days, but after using all his energy on you last night, he needed it, especially for tonight’s show.

The boys gave each other knowing looks and didn’t hesitate to pick up their teasing from earlier in the morning. “So, y/n, where are you from?” Sunghoon grabs your attention as you bite into a slice of bacon.

“Here,” heeseung answers for you, nodding his head with a soft hum.

“Did you know about our group prior to the concert, or did you happen to stumble across us?” Sunghoon continues to have conversation with you.

“U-uhh, no, I’ve listened to you guys for quite a while now,” you answer shyly.

“And who’s your favorite?” You automatically lowered your head shyly, glancing at heeseung.

“All of you,” you answered, and heeseung’s hand that was on your knee paused.

“It’s okay, to be honest,” Jake chuckled, and his voice alone made you blush. His accent was so nice to hear in person.

“Yeah, we’re big boys. We can handle it,” Jay joins in.

“It’s heeseung,” you mutter bashfully, and heeseung smirks to himself at your response. He resumes stroking your kneecap with his thumb.

“Ahh the bad boy” sunghoon says. “Wouldn’t get too close if I were you.”

Heeseung discreetly glared at Sunghoon, sensing exactly where this was going.

You looked at Sunghoon, wondering what he meant by that, but heeseung quickly interjected before you could ask questions. “Okay, it’s time to go over our lines.” heeseung makes up an excuse to get Sunghoon to shut his mouth before he says too much.

“For what? It’s the same set list as last night,” Sunghoon mumbles, taking a drink of juice, the other two noticing the obvious tension.

“Can we talk outside for a moment?” Heeseung excused himself from the table, and Sunghoon followed him, offering you a kind smile.

“The fuck is your problem?” Heeseung asked once out of earshot.

“What are you even talking about?” Sunghoon crossed his arms over his chest, annoyance written in his stance

“What were you about to tell her?” Heeseung demanded.

“Nothing, just the truth. Are we done?” Sunghoon replied, tired of the conversation before it even began.

“No, sunghoon, we’re not done back the fuck off, alright? She’s grown. She can fend for herself and make her own decisions.”

“Why? Scared she won’t stick around when she finds out you fuck anything with a pussy, that you don’t do shit other than smoke, drink, and black out?”

“That’s none of your fucking business, and neither is it hers” heeseung angrily walked past Sunghoon, intentionally bumping his shoulder on the way out.

When they came back, you and the guys were all having a full-blown conversation, smiling and talking with them, learning a little about their off-stage personalities, and now being around them wasn’t half as awkward.

“I’m gonna go shower, okay?” Heeseung whispered to you, kissing you on the cheek. “You can join me if you want.” he licked the shell of your ear teasingly while the guys talked amongst themselves, and you’re thankful they didn’t see just how flustered heeseung’s action made you.

It didn’t take long for you to finish breakfast and politely excuse yourself, following heeseung to the shower, where he was already inside naked, letting the water cascade down his perfect body. “You made it,” he says with a tired smile once you join him inside.

“Yeah,” you whisper, looking up at him, your hands finding their rightful place on his pecs.

His hands naturally roam your lower half squeezing your ass as he bends down to press a kiss to your lips.

He reached down, grabbed his soap, and lathered it on his hands before covering your body in the sudsy foam hands roaming your body but mainly focusing on your ass and breasts, fondling them softly.

You felt his hard cock pressing into you, and you moaned softly. “Heeseung,” he grins, knowing the effect his touch leaves on your body.

“Turn around for me,” he whispered. After cleaning your body, you do as he says, feeling his cock nudged against your ass.

He moves the two of you out of the water stream, pushing you against the wall, your cheek resting on the cold tile, palms pressed into the wall to brace yourself.

He bends down, littering the side of your neck with kisses, hands fondling your breasts as he ruts his cock against your ass.

Your eyes fall shut, mouth parting to let out soft moans as your core begins to pulse with heat.

His hands trail down to your hips, maneuvering your body in the perfect arch.

His hips pressed flush against your ass, his cock slotted between your upper thighs as your arousal stained his hardened cock.

You can’t help but back up against him, eager to feel him inside you.

Smirking at your movement, he pulls his hips back, palm sliding from your right hip to your core, where he inserts two of his thick fingers, taking your breath away.

Your walls clench down on him, immediately welcoming the stretch and the pleasuring glide of his skilled fingers.

“Hmm, yes,” you moan softly, aware of his members being just a few feet away from the two of you.

He opens you nicely as his left-hand drops between your legs to play with your clit.

Your legs nearly give out, but you brace yourself against the wall using your last bits of strength and sanity to hold yourself up, and you can’t believe just his fingers made you this weak.

He bites his lips speeding up the pace of his fingers inside you and on your clit, loving the sound of your wetness. It was so loud it overpowered the sound of the water hitting the shower floor, and he didn’t know what was wetter, the shower or you, as your arousal dripped down his wrist.

Your walls flutter around his fingers, and you let out endless soft moans as the pads of his fingers hit that spot over and over again. “Ah ahh hee, I’m cumming” You mewl, back arching as you squeeze around his fingers tightly, letting the pleasure take over your body.

A relieved smile takes over your features, and your eyes shut in pure bliss as he caresses your walls through your orgasm.

Before you could fully recover from that beautiful orgasm, his fingers slipped out of you, and you were immediately stuffed with his cock. He slowly pushed all the way in with one thrust, his thickness filling you up completely. “Fuckkk,” you cried out, legs shaking in pleasure.

His pace was fast from the start, the loud clap of your wet bodies colliding when he bottomed out, echoing against the tiled walls.

“Hmm, mm,” you moaned with each stroke, your sounds of pleasure never ceasing cause every time he entered, you felt better than the last.

Placing a hand on your lower back, he arches you further, allowing his dick to penetrate your deepest parts.

He grabs your hair with his other hand, tangling it in his palm, exposing your neck so he can lean in and place kisses there.

He fucks into you faster, watching the recoil of your ass every time he slams his thick cock into you, the sight turning him on even more. “Fuck” he groans, breathing deeply through his nose, listening to the sounds of your wet pussy taking his dick.

He can’t help but go rougher with each rut of his hips, making you lose balance. You stumble forward, not prepared for his tip kissing against your cervix. “Taking it so good.” he goes even harder till you’re up against the wall with no choice but to take everything he has to give you, your wet breasts smushed against the walls as he drills into your heat continuously.

Your moans are far louder than they were before, but you can’t help it. It just feels too good. You back your ass up on him, meeting his thrusts, desperately trying to feel all of his cock as you fuck back on him. “Yeah, Angel, that’s it, fuck yourself on daddy’s dick.”

“Yes, Daddy,” you cry out, using all your strength and your desire for the man behind you to press yourself flush against his abdomen fucking yourself on his long thick cock.

His grip tightened in your hair, his right hand going to your clit in circles as he overpowers you, thrusting into you so hard and deep that you can’t keep up; you succumb to the pleasure of taking everything he’s giving you. “Fuck, feels so fucking good” he throws his head back, the warm water from the shower doing little to help the chill running down his spine.

His tip slides in so smoothly, your ridged walls bringing him so much pleasure that he can’t help but cum. He leans forward, wet chest pressed against your back as he moans in your ear. “Cum on this dick, angel” That’s all it takes for you to cream around him. Your body shaking violently, he releases your hair, holding you up by your throat instead, using just enough pressure to bring you unexplainable amounts of pleasure. Your tongue falls out, eyes rolling back in your head, your pussy still begging and aching for his cock.

“More,” you choke out, your oxygen being cut off from his firm grip mixed with steam in the shower.

You reach your hand back, holding onto his waist for some kind of support as he pounds in from behind.

He feels your walls still clenching tightly despite your first orgasm, and he holds off from cumming, making you cum again with the gentle circles he applied to your sensitive clit.

Your legs gave out, and if it wasn’t for him holding you by your throat, you would have collapsed. Your knees gave in, your body trembling, your voice shaking as you let the pleasure consume your body. “Cream on daddy���s dick, angel, just like that,” he murmurs voice low in your ear, hot breath fanning against your skin as he leaves wet open, mouth kisses on your neck and back.

He holds you still, quickly pulling out and jerking his cock. “Daddy’s gonna cum” he groans, spilling his thick creamy cum all over your lower back and ass. “Fuck” he grits through his teeth, stroking his thick cock till his balls are empty and you’re stained in his messy release.

Running a finger through his wet hair, he huffs out a heavy breath leaning back to admire how you look, all wrecked, bent over, and covered in his cum.

He chuckles softly, kissing the center of your back and playfully biting on your shoulder before turning you around to face him. “You liked that a lot, huh?” He teases, looking at your fucked out expression, and all you can do is nod, too overcome with pleasure to properly respond.

He brought you to his chest, standing you up straight as he caressed your body. “I'm addicted to you, Angel,” he hummed against your skin, and you relaxed against him, panting softly. “You know that right?” He grins.

You giggled shyly at his words, feeling giddy and warm as he held you close, washing your body clean of his release.

After the steamy session in the shower, you both got ready, sharing the small sink to brush your teeth together.

When you were done, you exited the bathroom together in nothing but your towel, him following closely after you.

He spanked your bottom, and you giggled, speeding up to escape him. He grinned and chased after you through the living room, blocking the TV screen where Jay and Jake were gaming and shouting about you guys being in the way. Heeseung was giggling while holding his towel around his waist until you guys reached his bedroom, and finally, you had nowhere to run. “Caught you,” he said, out of breath, and held you against him, breathing heavily from chasing you.

With his face so close, your giggles died down in your throat, and he eyed your face, the sunlight poking through the curtains magnifying your beauty, and he couldn’t help but notice how pretty you looked in the natural sunlight freshly out of the shower.

His gaze was so intense it took your breath away as you got lost in it. “You caught me,” you whispered, warm breath fanning his face.

He closed whatever distance was between you two, pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

He pulled away, eyes fluttering open as he smiled brightly at you. “Let’s get dressed and go to the store. Gotta get you tour ready.”

-

By the time you and heeseung left the store, it was nightfall, and the concert was about to start. Within an hour, you watched from the sidelines backstage with the band.

It was cool seeing the process and the behind-the-scenes work.

It’s still crazy to think not even a week ago, you’d do just about anything to have this opportunity, and somehow, you’re lucky enough to be here right now. A part of you still couldn’t believe it.

You used to watch them on your computer from your bed, and now you’re fucking the lead singer and getting to attend every concert.

Heeseung noticed you, thinking you were adorable. As you watched them setting up, he walked over to you with a flirty smile on his lips. “Your eyes on me only, please” he teased.

“All I see is you,” you replied, arms encircling his neck as you stood on your tiptoes to peck his lips. “Can’t wait to see you perform.”

“Can’t wait to perform for you,” he smiles, kissing you back, getting a little too lost in the moment, his hands groping your ass as you moan into his mouth, letting his tongue explore you.

“Save it for after the show,” Jay says in protest, watching you guys going at it like teenagers.

Heeseung smirked against your lips, pulling you into him even closer as his bandmates grumbled in the background.

When you needed a breather, he pulled away, resting his forehead against yours.

“Heeseung!” Jake scolded. “We’re on in one minute.”

“Can’t wait to fuck you after the show” he kissed your lips one last time and headed onto the stage, leaving you a flustered mess.

When you caught your bearings, you quickly went through the front, checking in like normal, except your seat was closest to the stage, a spot reserved for family and friends. You sat down in your spot and waited for the show to start, which was fairly soon since heeseung had taken up all the time to make out with you.

You were enjoying the show like the previous nights, well, for the most part, but when the final song came on, and heeseung was doing his signature move, you couldn’t help the feeling of jealousy that bubbled in your chest cause why was he smiling at other girls and doing it for them and not you?

You knew it was an overreaction on your part, but still, the feeling lingered as girls screamed over him, and he entertained it, too, grabbing their hands and blowing them kisses like you were not even there. Not once did he do any of that with you.

But you remember it’s only fan service.

The show ended, and you went out back to the RV, waiting for them to do their fan meeting. In the back, your mood now completely ruined.

Obviously, you didn’t go cause you knew them personally, so there was really no point, besides you wanted to give yourself a moment to calm down and think rationally because you were feeling jealous for no reason.

You waited for them, scrolling on your phone to pass the time, and still, you couldn’t shake that jealous feeling inside your chest.

When it was over, the first thing heeseung did was find you at the back of the RV on his bed. “Hey, angel,” he smiled tiredly at you, his body still soaked in sweat as he opened his arms for a hug.

You embraced him, feeling the heat still radiating off his body as he engulfed you. “You only watched me, right?” He chuckled, leaning back to admire your beautiful face.

You didn’t say anything, only giving him a small smile as you nodded your head.

It was undeniable that there was indifference on your face, and he didn’t hesitate to question you about it. “What’s wrong, Angel?” He asks tenderly, thumb swiping a small piece of hair away from your face.

“It’s nothing,” you assure him, patting his back, but he’s still not convinced.

“Come on, tell daddy what’s wrong, sugar.” he tilts your chin up, pecking your lips briefly.

“It’s just…” you hesitate.

“Here,” he says, placing his hand on your lower back and climbing into bed with you.

You cuddled up next to him, nervously playing with your hands. “Talk to me.” he placed his hand on your knee, stroking it softly.

“It’s stupid, but it’s just the way you looked at those girls in the crowd.” You feel embarrassed as soon as the words leave your lips, but it’s true, and you aren’t going to lie to him, no matter how embarrassing it is.

A smile tugs at his lips, already knowing what you’re getting at, and he’d be lying if he said that wasn’t his intention. He just wanted to see how much of an effect it’d have on you, and your reaction just boosted his ego. “Angel, it’s all for show. They mean nothing. Besides, why would I waste time on them when I can come backstage to this?” he slides his hand up your thigh, opening your legs slightly and slipping his hand up your skirt, cupping your heat. You gasp, eyes widening in surprise, the insecure thoughts from earlier disappearing in your mind within a second. “Was thinking bout this pussy the whole time,” he leans in, his forehead resting against yours as he thumbs at your clit a little. “Don’t worry, that pretty little head, okay angel?”

Your breathing was heavy, your face hot as he added slight pressure to your clit, stroking it up and down through the material of your underwear. “Hee,” you breathed out weakly, holding his wrist as your eyes closed softly, body easily caving to the pleasure.

“Gonna let daddy satisfy this pussy, hmm?” His middle finger presses against your covered hole teasingly. “Know you want it, Angel. Saw the way you kept looking at me on stage, the look in your eyes practically begging me to fuck you just like the first night I saw you.”

“Hmph,” your eyes roll back in your head as you nod, a soft knot forming on your forehead.

“Hmmm,” he grins softly. “Lay back for me.”

Your body melts into his mattress, and he lays between your legs, hands flipping up the bottom of your skirt, revealing your covered core.

He presses his face right against your cunt, inhaling your scent deeply, eyes closed as his tongue falls out, licking a wet stripe up your pussy.

You whimper, breath already heavy as you feel his warm spit seeping through your panties and wetting your already damp pussy lips.

He sucks your clit through the fabric, his thumbs rubbing soft circles on your thighs as his cock grows beneath his jeans.

He slips your panties to the side, unveiling your pretty little pussy. Licking his lips at the sight, he swiped his tongue along your entrance, the tip poking in and out of your wet hole.

Groaning at the taste of you, he purses his lips, rubbing them along your swollen cunt, head, tilting to the side to make out with your pussy, his tongue flicking inside your hole, exploring you with it and embedding the warmth and feeling of you on his tastebuds.

“Heeseung,” a breathless moan escapes your lips, your body hot with pleasure as he gives your clit some love and attention.

He softly licks on the sensitive bud before pulling it between his soft pink lips.

He pulls away, savoring your juices, eyes closed, as he licks his lips like he’s trying to memorize your taste.

He pushes his face right against your pussy buried between your thighs, his mouth pleasuring every inch of your pussy as he licks you like he’s absolutely in love with your exquisite taste.

Your breath grows heavier while you bury your hands in his damp hair, and that’s when he pumps two thick fingers in your hole, turning you into a complete mess.

Your body reacts to his touch, walls clenching, clit pulsating with arousal as the sound of his wet mouth slurping on your pussy fills your ears.

He hums in satisfaction, curling his fingers up smoothly, flicking the spot he knows makes your knees buckle and your legs shake. “Yes, Daddy,” you whine, eyes shut, focusing on the feeling of him devouring your cunt.

Kneading your left thigh, he continues stroking your pussy with his fingers and sucking your clit precisely till you’re moaning out loudly seconds from your orgasm.

With one final suck, you let go, clamping down violently on his fingers, soaking them in even more of your juices. “Fuck heeseung shit,” you mewl softly.

“Tastes like heaven,” he murmurs, the soft vibrations of his deep voice making you jolt softly, back arching off the bed as you let the pleasure wash over you. “Now let me show you what I was thinking about all night.”

He stands up, ridding himself of each article of clothing, throwing the damp clothes onto the floor somewhere.

His focus soon turns to you, and he impatiently undresses you, his hands yanking down your skirt and panties.

You sit up briefly, allowing him to slip your top over your head, and within the blink of an eye, your bra is unclasped, leaving you completely naked while your clothes join his pile on the floor.

Like every other night the two of you have fucked, he reaches into his drawer, condom packets in hand, along with something else that he sets aside for now before returning to you on the bed.

“On your stomach,” he doesn’t need to tell you twice. It’s automatic at this point. Whatever he says, you do, no questions asked, cause you know whatever he does to you, you’ll love it cause you’re absolutely infatuated with him.

You hear a sharp pop sound but think nothing of it until you feel a warm gel-like sensation between your ass, and before you can question it, you feel his index finger slipping into your ass, gliding in easily with the help of what you come to realize was lube.

“Mhmp,” you gripped his sheets, a whimper leaving your throat as you felt him sink his finger inside you knuckle deep.

“Feels so tight” he straddles your lower half, and you reach your hands behind you pulling your ass cheeks apart and giving him free rein over your body as he fingers your tight rim.

It felt unlike something you’ve ever felt before, but it was so good it had your toes curling.

He made sure you were nice and warmed up, adding in finger after finger till you were well adjusted and taking him with ease. Your body was writhing on the bed. The friction from the sheets against your clit caused your hole to leak immensely, a puddle of arousal between your thighs.

You were moaning softly, coming to love the feeling of something deeply penetrating your ass. His thick fingers prepped you so well.

He grabbed the bottle of lube, squeezing more into his hand, covering his whole shaft from base to tip, groaning softly as he stroked his aroused length. “Gonna let daddy fuck this nice little ass, hmm?”

“Yes, Daddy, please fuck my ass,” you begged shamelessly, but how could you not? The idea of him filling another one of your holes was far too arousing to resist.

He pulls out his fingers, watching your rim twitch with anticipation. He holds the bottle above your hole, squeezing some more lube on and smearing it over your hole with the head of his cock. “Fuck” he curses under his breath. Just the idea of being inside your ass, turning him on.

Pressing his tip on your hole, he slowly sinks in, disappearing inch by inch. The feeling makes you wince. It was unusual but good, really good, as he pushed in deeper, and you felt so full, his thick cock plugging you up completely.

“So fucking tight for me” he moves your hands so he can massage your ass while he stays nestled in you, letting you adjust.

“Ahh,” you moan when he pulls back, feeling his tip sliding in and out of you.

“Like the way daddy feels in that ass, angel?” He bites his lip, hands spreading your cheeks open, watching you sucking him back in every time he pulls out slightly.

“Yes,” you breathe out, relaxing completely and welcoming him inside you.

He drags his hips back just the tip inside before sinking in slowly again. “Fuckkkk me, Angel,” he throws his head back, eyes shut, as he swallows hard, rocking his hips into you, fucking your tight ass.

You lay there taking it, your lower half feeling numb but so good.

You never imagined that his dick would feel so good in your ass, but now that you’ve felt him like this, you think you might already be addicted, and you never wanted him to pull out. “Fuck my ass, hee,” you cry weakly, taking his dick to the hilt.

“Yeah? Like that, huh? Taking my dick up your tight little ass, right angel?”

You moan in response, and that gives him all the confirmation to keep going fucking your ass without a care in the world.

He drops his head down to watch his cock disappear in your ass. Your hole stretched open to take his thick veiny length. “Want daddy to cum in your ass? Claim this tight little hole.”

“Hmm, mm yes, d-daddy, please.”

“Mhh yeah, such a slut for daddy’s cock and cum aren’t you, angel?” You nodded frantically, your hole squeezing around his cock, begging for his cum.

He grabs your wrist holding your arms back, using you for leverage to slam his cock deep in your ass. His hot sweaty skin slams against yours, the loud sound echoing in his room as you scream out in pleasure. “Fuck yeah, scream for this dick,” he moans, sweat leaking from his forehead as he drills into you. “Gonna cum in your ass, angel,” he grunts, stilling inside you, his tired hips bucking while releasing your arms and falling on top of you, panting heavily as his cum shoots deep inside your ass. “God fuck” he breathes out, nuzzling into your neck, hips thrusting incessantly as he fills you with every last drop, his body trembling in pleasure.

It takes you both a moment to even move your bodies, feeling paralyzed from the pleasure.

He kisses your neck and pulls out his soft dick. Some minutes later, his milky white cum escapes your hole and drips down between your thighs onto the sheets.

You turn over on your back, covered in sweat, breathing heavily, the feeling of his cock inside your ass still lingering as you clench around nothing.

You stare up at the ceiling, not really able to pay attention to your surroundings after being fucked utterly senseless.

Heeseung grabbed the condom packet from earlier, tearing it open and sliding it down his hard length. He was insatiable. Something about your body had his body reacting in ways it hadn’t before. He was already hard again in seconds.

He takes place between your legs, grabbing your thighs and positioning them around his thin waist.

He smirks at the look of shock on your face as he aligns himself with your hole.

You looked between your legs, watching as he slowly pushed his tip in. “Hee-heeseung,” you gripped his biceps, holding on for dear life as he entered you, pausing to lean in and give you a kiss.

“Need you so fucking bad,” he whines, veins bulging in his neck as he bottoms out, every muscle in his body sore he should rest, but he can’t help himself. His cock betrays him as it goes impossibly hard inside you, twitching and begging for another release.

“Then take me,” you say hoarsely, watching him fall apart above you, his sweat leaking down onto your body as his mouth falls open in a silent moan while he slowly fucks into you. “Take my fucking pussy, Daddy. It’s all yours,” you moan, squeezing your breasts and toying with your nipples.

“Fuck” he moans impatiently, snapping his hips as if he’s jealous of your hands. He moves them out of the way, trading places so he can fondle your breasts and tweak your hardened nipples instead. “So soft.” he squeezed your mounds, rolling his hips sensually, his tip filling you up entirely.

Your hands roam his sweaty abdomen until you reach his chest, thumbs circling his nipples, and he feels himself losing it. It was all too much for him to withstand. His cock was already so sensitive from cumming prior, and he couldn’t stop himself.

Knowing he wasn’t far off, he left your breasts to play with your clit rubbing it up and down harshly. “Cum on daddy’s dick, angel, Please, need to feel you,” his voice comes out soft and pleading. “Cum with me, please,” he begs.

The sound of his moans mixed with the feeling of his body on top of yours and his cock reaching that special spot had you easily coming undone, walls spasming around his condom-covered shaft. “H-heeseung,” you huffed out. It felt like an out-of-body experience, and all you felt was pleasure riddled all over your body.

“Fuck yes, just like that, keep squeezing my dick, angel” he cums inside the condom hard, spurt after spurt shot out, and he so badly wanted to cum in your pussy instead.

He rests on top of you, both your bodies drenched in sweat and exhausted out of your minds.

As you both lay there panting, he pulls out of you with a gentle hiss, his cock softening as he peels the condom off his sensitive length.

He’s shocked to see the amount of semen filling up nearly half the condom, and he’s surprised it didn’t overflow. He can’t remember a time he’s ever cum that much.

Tossing the used latex aside, he hovers over your body, and before he can even think about moving to take a shower, your arms are reaching for him. He gives In immediately, body too tired to say no.

He held you in his arms, and neither of you said a word, but nothing needed to be said after that heated moment, and just minutes later, you both drifted off to sleep.

-

You woke up next to a naked heeseung laying on his back as you lightly trailed his chest with your fingertips.

You see him smile before opening his eyes, his groggy morning voice getting you. “Hey, angel”

“Hey, hee,” you cuddle up closer to him, and he wraps an arm around you.

“My angel sleep well?” He clears his voice gently as he opens his eyes, looking down at you from the corner of his eye.

You nodded shyly, resting your head on his chest.

“Daddy knows how to put his angel to sleep,” he teases, referring to last night, you hid your head in the crook of his neck, shy at the mention of last night. “You took me so well, Angel. Didn’t know you had all that in you.” he goes on further, teasing you for the fun of it. “Just thinking about it is making me hard.”

From his praise, you gained a surge of confidence, your hand slyly lowering to between his legs. “Yeah?” You bit your lip softly, your eyebrow slightly raised.

“Ooh shit,” he chuckles lightly as you slowly stroke his dick under the sheets. “Yeah, really.” he turns on his side, cupping your cheek and pressing a soft kiss on your lips before leaning up.

You smiled at him, kissing along his chest while pumping his cock. “Get on your knees and suck it.”

You obey his order, getting out of bed and getting on your knees right away.

He sits up, legs spread out, and you busy your hands on his dick, both of them working up and down his shaft while he reaches into his drawer, grabbing the supplies to roll his blunt for the morning.

You occupy yourself with his dick enveloping him in your mouth, savoring the taste of his cock on your tongue as you lap at his wet slit.

His eyes are drowsy, hooded with sleep and arousal as he packs the paper with ground-up weed. “Keep sucking it like that, Angel,” he sighs, watching himself disappear in your warm wet mouth, running a hand through his messy hair.

His abs tense, toes curling at the sensation when he feels close. He holds your cheek, keeping you still. “Lick it for me, Angel.” he holds the paper to your mouth, letting you wet the it so he can seal his blunt. “There you go, lick it the same way you lick my cock” he bites his lips, enjoying the sight of your wet tongue swiping along the paper. “Good,” he cooed, stroking your cheek. “Now suck” he holds the blunt to your lips, lighting it up and letting you take the first hit.

When you exhale, he guides your head back to his dick, and you open up, taking his hard length in your mouth again, slurping him up.

He shudders when the blunt hit his lips, the feeling of your saliva coming in contact with his lips making his eyes roll and his thighs twitch as he inhales deeply, his head falling backward as he indulges in his two favorite things: sex and drugs.

He puts his hand on the back of your head, bobbing your mouth up and down on him, saliva spilling down to his balls as he makes you deepthroat him and gag on his tip.

His muscles convulse as you tighten on his sensitive tip. “Fuck, angel, your mouth is heaven,” he groans, hips bucking lightly to stroke the back of your throat.

He takes another hit holding in the smoke and pushing his cock as deep down your throat as you can take it.

You squeeze his thighs, eyes watering as you choke on his thick cock.

A glob of wetness drips from your hole, loving the feeling of his heavy cock on the back of your tongue.

Despite gagging on his length multiple times, you don't stop and instead pick up the pace, his tip hitting your tonsils over and over again.

“Hah fuck” he sighs, watching you take it deep. “Just like that, keep gagging on your daddy’s big dick” he exhales the smoke in his mouth, his high approaching while he gets high from each puff. “You like that?” He bends down slightly, his voice much softer and sweeter than the actions you’re performing between his legs.

You nod your head, mouth never leaving his dick as you continue sucking him off. “Yeah, angel? You like choking on me?”

You moan on his cock, eyes rolling in the back of your head, and to see you enjoying it as much as him, if not more, only satisfied him tenfold. “You want daddy’s cum angel? Gonna swallow me?” He whispered.

Another moan erupts from the back of your throat, the idea of tasting him making excitement rise in your body. “Yes, Daddy, give me your cum want it so bad” You pull off his cock just long enough to beg him for his release, and you’re back to sucking him, slobbering all over his cock eagerly.

“Fuck angel, take your daddy’s cum and swallow like a good little fucking girl,” he groans, releasing strongly down your throat, hot thick spurts of cum spilling on your tongue as you swallow him greedily.

You moan nonstop, savoring his taste. “Shit shit,” he whispered, his body stuttering as he cums even harder than last night.

His blunt twitches between his fingers as he emptied into your mouth, his balls tightening with every drop. “Fuckkkkkkk,” he sighs, whimpering softly, his heavy panting filling up the RV. “Oh my god,” he falls back on the mattress, completely spent.

You lick him all the way from his balls to tip, sucking him off till he goes completely soft, and even then, it’s hard for you to pull away, and you think you’re addicted to sucking his cock. He was just so perfect, and he tasted so good you’d spend all day between his legs if he’d let you.

You stand up and straddle his waist on the bed, your wet pussy hovering over his soft cock as you lean down and kiss his lips.

He hums, exhausted, still catching his breath.

You take the blunt from between his fingers before it can burn into the sheets and take another hit. “Just what I needed to start my day.” he lazily places his arm on your lower back, holding you gently.

You smiled, holding the blunt to his lips, slowly grinding down on him, but he held you still. “I can’t, angel. We gotta get ready for tonight,” he tells a white lie and flips you over on your back, laying you back in bed.

“Just a quickie,” you pout, arms wrapping around his neck.

“I can’t.” he props himself up, headed to take a shower.

“Please?” You whine, arms reaching out for him.

“I already told you I can’t,” he replied, growing frustrated within a matter of seconds. “Just do it yourself,” he says, not paying attention to you. “I’ll fuck you good after you already know that” he walks over to you, stroking your cheek. “Okay, angel, just be ready for me.”

“Okay,” you sigh disappointedly, but you knew he was busy, and you didn’t want to interfere with his work. “Can I join you?”

“Yeah, come on, Angel.” he takes your hand, leading you to the shower with him, and you both lazily wash each other's bodies, your energy on E from all your sessions with him.

You share a few kisses in between, taking turns washing each other's hair until you’re both clean. After your shower with him, you both get ready for the night, and he is off to do rehearsals.

At least that’s what he told you.

“I wanna come to rehearsals,” you hugged him, swaying him back and forth affectionately.

“I know, Angel” he brings your hand to his mouth and kisses it. “But just rest, okay? We’ve been on the road a lot, and I just think it’s best for you, yeah?”

“But,” he put his finger up to your mouth to shush you.

“No, buts angel, just rest up, and I’ll be back soon enough. Save all your energy for me tonight.” he kissed your forehead gently and left without another word.

Not only did heeseung do rehearsals, but he also went to a club.

Alone.

Leaving you all by yourself for hours on end with no contact.

You: Baby, when are you coming back?

You texted him and got no answer. After an hour, you tried to get ahold of him again, but still no answer.

You decided to call Sunghoon since he’d given you his number, and luckily, he picked up, updating you on what was going on. “Hey, I was wondering if you’d give the phone to heeseung. He’s not answering,” you bit on your nail nervously.

“Heeseung? I’m not with him right now, but I’ll let him know you called,” Sunghoon answers.

“But I thought you guys had rehearsals?” You reply.

“Rehearsals? We already did that yesterday. Me and the guys went out to eat. We haven’t seen heeseung all day.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Wait, so you haven’t seen him at all either?” Sunghoon questioned.

“No, not since earlier this morning, he said he had rehearsals.���

It was silent on the line for a moment before Sunghoon spoke, and he had a bad feeling in his stomach. “Okay, I’ll call him and let you know if he answers.”

“Okay, bye, thanks, sunghoon.” You hang up, and that information does nothing to soothe your nerves cause now heeseung lied to you.

You wonder why.

Unbeknownst to anyone, he had stopped at a club in the area he was familiar with. He had connections with a lot of people in town, and he was so excited to know that the band would be touring in his hometown. The first spot he thought of was the little club he used to frequent in his high school days.

He met up with an old group he used to buy from, and the rest was history.

With a pit in your stomach, you continued to scroll on your phone to pass the time while waiting for heeseung. The guys had come home around an hour ago and headed to bed early, not thinking much of his absence, but you stayed up waiting for heeseung, and when he finally arrived, you engulfed him in a hug, happy that he was back and slightly worried about him for being out so late. “Missed me, angel?” He chuckles cockily.

“Yes, you were gone all day,” you pout.

Your nose scrunched after smelling perfume on him, and a wave of panic and jealousy came flooding in. “What’s that smell?”

“What smell?” He asks curiously.

“It’s just it smells like perfume,” you mutter, trying to keep your negative feelings at bay.

“Oh, don’t sweat it, baby. There were a lot of people there, so…” he trails off, trying to kiss you again.

“A lot of people where?” You ask.

He breathes out through his nose, eyes flicking back and forth to quickly come up with another lie. “Uhh, at rehearsals.”

“But I called Sunghoon, and he said you had rehearsed yesterday,” You push for answers.

“Oh yeah, the band did, but I have different rehearsals for vocals.” The way the lies fall from his lips doesn’t faze him in the slightest.

You nodded your head in understanding, but you still didn’t feel quite right. You were probably just overthinking things. “You must be tired.” You caressed his shoulders gently.

“Not too tired for you, told you I’d fuck you good didn’t I angel?” He smirks, backing you toward the bed.

“You did,” you smile, hands slipping into his black leather jacket and slipping it off his wide shoulders, leaving him in his blue jeans and a white tank top.

“So lay back for me, Angel. Close your eyes and enjoy it.” he lays you flat on the bed, dropping down to his knees, hands slowly spreading your legs open. “I missed your pussy so fucking much,” he whispers, peppering soft kisses along your thighs, serving as an appetizer before the main course. “Just wanna be inside you all day,” he groans like the fact he can’t be hurt him. “Need to taste you all the time.”

Your eyes flutter shut, enjoying his soft kisses just like he told you to, your breath hitches as he rolls up your skirt, revealing your panties, the white and lavender pair he bought for you when he took you to the mall.

His cock twitches involuntarily, and he presses his face against your crotch, inhaling the alluring scent of your arousal. “Oh fuck” he whispers, palming over his bulge, lightly impatient to feel your tightness around him.

He places gentle eager kisses over your clothed pussy nipping at your clit through the fabric. “Hee-“

His eyes fall shut, hands kneading your thighs as he sticks out his tongue, teasing you through the material, dampening it with his saliva.

You grip the sheets, biting on your lip. You feel his cold fingers slip your panties to the side, his warm breath replacing the coolness of his fingers.

His lips press softly against your core. Your body shudders in sensitivity, his warm lips kissing your vulva.

Sticking out his tongue, he flicks your engorged bud, and you whimper, brows creasing from the feeling of his tongue.

He laps at your hole, gathering your sweet slick on his tongue and savoring your taste. “Hmm, tastes like heaven,” he hums against your heat, tongue licking up and down.

He slides his left hand up your thigh, finger prodding at your hole. He swiped his finger along your opening, collecting your wetness on his finger and slipping it inside.

You clenched down on his finger immediately, and he started pumping it in and out, his thick finger working you open.

Your hands left the sheets to grip his black hair, tugging it lightly.

He groans from the slight sting, adding another finger just to feel you grip his hair tighter, pleasure mixing with the pain, a feeling he was used to.

He stretched your walls open with the thickness of his fingers fucking into your hole and licking your clit.

“Hee, I-“ he fastens the pace of his tongue, his fingers steadily moving into you, curling up and rubbing your sweet spot.

Your body shook, thighs trembling until you felt it, but it was more intense than before. Your mouth parted, eyes squeezing shut as you gave in, focusing on the feeling of his tongue on your sensitive clit and his thick fingers fucking your hole.

For the first time, you squirted, and it felt like nothing you’ve ever felt before. You couldn’t worry about the wetness soaking him, too lost in pleasure, gripping his hair as pleasure surged through you so intensely, only a faint ringing in your ears as you lay limp on the bed panting.

“Oh fuckkkkk,” you whine, back arching off the bed as you grind on his fingers, hips rolling in a circle, getting the absolute most of your orgasm.

“Just like that, squirt on your Daddy’s face,” he says, voice filled with pure delight as he drinks from you, swallowing it down like he’d die of thirst if he didn’t catch every last drop. “Love this fucking pussy so damn much,” he groans, eyes rolling back in his head, tongue tirelessly licking at your hole, begging for more.

He slowly caressed your walls, his fingers slipping out along with more of your wetness.

He latched his mouth onto your hole, sucking out everything your body had to give him.

Finally pulling away, he nudged your clit with the tip of his nose, inhaling you one last time.

He leans back on his knees, admiring your blissed-out state with a smirk on his face.

You’re heaving eyes barely open, soft pants falling from your bitten lips. You watch as he stands between your legs, the bulge in his jeans evident, and even though you have already come, your walls clamp down around nothing, begging to be filled by him.

He rubs over the thick bulge in his pants, biting on his lip. “Open up for Daddy.” he pulls his zipper down, opening the button on his jeans while you spread your legs wider. “That’s my angel,” he breathes out, lowering his jeans around his waist, then his boxers unveiling his cock.

You’ve seen him many times before, but it only got better with time, his pretty cock leaking precum, his full balls waiting to be emptied. The sight alone had your heart racing and your pussy dripping.

He placed his hands on your inner thighs, stroking the soft flesh. “Such a pretty pussy” he positioned his shaft between your swollen pussy lips, gliding it back and forth, covering his dick in your arousal.

You whimper softly, the sensitivity almost too much for you to handle, but your body welcomes him and craves him like you were meant to be pleasured by his cock till you couldn’t take it anymore.

He rolls his hips, his tip catching on your clit just right. “F-fuck” he smirks, pursing his lips, watching his dick getting drenched in copious amounts of your leak.

“Look at it, baby” he motions his head between your legs, and you lift your head, eyeing his girthy cock rubbing your pussy.

Your eyes grow lidded, filled with arousal, as you spot the dot of precum on his tip. “So big,” you whimper.

“Yeah? Daddy’s big?” You nodded your head, eyes focused on his cock. “You like that, huh?”

“Yes,” you swallowed dryly. “Want you to fuck me with your big cock, Daddy, please” You look at him in the eyes, hips bucking up in need of his cock.

“It’s hard not to fuck you when you talk to me like that.”He withdrew his hips, aligning himself with your hole, easily pushing inside you, burying his length to the depths of your pussy with one thrust.

Your mouth parted in a silent moan, eyes going back to your head as your walls clenched around him. “Maybe I’ll talk to you like that more often,” you say breathlessly.

“You’re so naughty, angel.” He grins. “That feel good? Like to be fucked by a big cock?” He kneads your thighs, creating a steady rhythm and releasing that ache between your legs.

“Yes, Daddy” You hold the backs of your thighs, spreading even wider, head falling back against the mattress as he fucks into your little hole.

“Angel,” he breathes out through his nose, clenching his jaw as he speeds up the pace till your breasts are sloshing with each strong thrust.

“Yes, Daddy,” you mewl walls gushing more wetness around his shaft.

He pulls you to the edge of the bed, knees slightly bent as he fucks into you, his thrusts animalistic, his heavy balls slapping your ass with each stroke.

He pushed his tank top up, tucking it under his chin, watching your pussy creaming his dick. “Fuck, angel, that’s it. Get daddy’s dick nice and creamy” On cue, the wet sounds of him sliding in and out fill your ears, the sound so sinful yet pleasurable. “Keep creaming for me, Angel”

He ruts into you like a rabbit in heat, his thrusts messy, rushed, and impatient for a release. “You’re so fucking tight. You feel so good on my dick,” he groans, going even faster till you see stars, the white ring coating his cock, turning him on even more.

“Fuck yessss daddddy,” you whine, voice vibrating in your throat from each harsh slam of his hips.

“Yeah, daddy’s fucking you good, huh? Just like I promised.” he bit his lip, concentrating on hitting your spot with his tip, and he knew he found it when you let out the most feral moan he’d ever heard.

“Yes, you’re fucking me so good, love your cock so much, hee,” you squeak, your lower half feeling numb from the constant rubbing of his cock against your walls you.

“So warm.” Your scorching walls brought him so much pleasure, so tight and wet around him, he couldn’t take it anymore. His head was spinning as droplets of sweat wet his mattress.

His hand was between your legs in seconds, using his thumb to circle your clit. “Cum on Daddy’s big cock since you love it so much.”

“Yes, yes, yes” You held onto his hips for support losing yourself to the feeling of his cock drilling into you, another orgasm being coaxed from your body.

Your arousal stained his sheets, splatters flying against his abdomen as he fucked you through it. “Yeah…” he breathes out, rubbing your thighs, and he slows his pace when he notices he’s without a condom. “Fuck angel, daddy’s gotta pull out.”

Before you can comprehend, he’s already pulled out, jerking his cock in front of you.

Despite still being out of it, you sat up, replacing his hand with your own. “Ohh fuck fuck” he holds your wrist to ground himself, his length throbbing as you stroke him off, getting him closer and closer the second your lips wrap around the bulbous head of his cock, his body surrendered, shuddering as his balls tensed, and he releases his creamy cum inside your mouth. “Angel…..” he gasps softly, body hunched forward, abs tensing as you suck him dry with a pleased hum.

You moan around his cock, taking it far in the back of your throat, your tastes still lingering on his shaft as you swallow.

“Shit angel, yeah, swallow me just like fucking that” he bucks his hips slightly, his tip touching the back of your throat as he savors the feeling of releasing on your sweet tongue, and he can’t understand how every hole made him cum so hard, your body was so fucking perfect for him, made just pleasuring his dick.

You released him from your mouth, licking around his base for good measure.

With a pleasured sigh, he lays next to you on the bed, his chest rising and falling with every heavy breath.

Neither of you speaks, but when he does, his first words are. “Wanna share a blunt with me?”

That sounded like the best idea after getting your brains absolutely fucked out.

-

It’s been a few months since you’ve been on tour with the band. It was all fun. You’d seen sights you never thought you would, you tried all types of food, and honestly, it was everything you could have ever dreamed of. You and Heeseung were still together, of course, but he’s yet to put a label on it for now. He said he had something planned for you after the tour, and you trusted him and didn’t bring up the topic anymore. In the meantime, you got closer to the guys, and they were accustomed to your presence, treating you as if you were one of them, which you appreciate.

You even smoked with them a few times on occasions like right now, you were all in the living room area when heeseung made an appearance from his room where he’d just woken up.

Heeseung walked to the living room, eyes scanning you, then his members, and then Jake, who was a little too close to you for his comfort, but he didn’t say anything. “I’m gonna head out for a quick walk and grab a bite to eat,” heeseung announced, not giving anyone time to respond other than a quick bye and Jake shouting at him to get Taco Bell on his way back.

You were laid up on the couch next to Sunghoon, Jake, and Jay, slouching on the little beanbags in the corner while you all played video games and drank.

Heeseung lied like he always did. He wasn’t going to walk or eat. He was gonna meet up with a dealer that was in the area the girl he bought from when he said he had “rehearsals,” the one's perfume you smelled. He was connected through a friend of a friend. Their business ran across the whole city, so it wasn’t hard for him to find what he needed.

And the guys were none the wiser.

Cause they put their trust in him.

Stupid, stupid move.

He rushed out so quickly, barely muttering a bye cause he needed his fix now. He knew they had the good stuff and couldn’t wait much longer to get some. They had it all: weed, pills, cocaine, everything he needed for a real good high.

And he bought it all using the money he made from tour to feed his secret addiction when it should have been being saved for band equipment for a new tour bus, anything but a drug that did nothing but alter his mood.

He was selfish to use money that also belonged to his bandmates, but he wasn’t a man of integrity, so he didn’t care about anything other than funding his habit at the expense of others.

But he couldn’t think rationally. How could he when his mind was distorted and filled with thoughts of when he could get his hands on the next blunt or a pack of pills?

He was so far gone from reality he was practically programmed at this point. It was like clockwork blunt in the morning, hard drugs by evening, another blunt at night, and a few drinks to cap it off.

All in the secrecy of his room, free from judgment.

That was his life, and he wasn’t gonna stop anytime soon.

He knew it was wrong, but why did it feel so right? Why did he feel better high than sober if it was so wrong?

Besides, he wasn’t harming anyone. What they didn’t know couldn’t hurt them.

Which is the reason heeseung nipped Sunghoon in the bud before he could tell you about his past.

He knew you wouldn’t want anything to do with him. If you knew what he got into, you’re far too innocent to know any better, and he wasn’t about to tell you either. If you were naive enough to believe everything he was telling you, then so be it.

But that was no one else business besides his and yours.

It was midnight when he came back. You and the guys were still up, and when he arrived, you tried to greet him, but he snuck off to his room, saying he didn’t feel well after eating.

Another lie.

“Hey, wheres my taco bell?” Jake sulks, only getting a door slam in response.

You pouted from heeseung’s recent absence but respected his wishes; meanwhile, his bandmates assured you he’d be fine. “He’s like that sometimes,” Sunghoon tells you, but the distance he’s been putting between you still left an uneasy feeling in your gut.

You remember the first time he kinda just left you high and dry. It was a few months ago, the day he had “rehearsals.” You never really trusted him fully after that because that’s the day he lied to you and the first day he turned down sex with you, and that’s when you felt the shift. It didn’t happen every day, maybe once a week, but he seemed really fidgety while rushing out of the RV tonight as well as times in the past, and every time you brought it up, he’d always just say he was tired, and again, you left it alone not wanting to disturb him.

But for the most part, he seemed to be okay, so you didn’t worry too much. You and the guys continued the board game you were playing together, but hours later, there was still no sight of heeseung. You thought he’d join later, but you figured he must have really not been feeling well when he didn’t come out of his room for hours. Usually, he would have made an appearance by now, but nothing.

Heeseung sat in his room, clueless of your worries, his music playing softly on his speaker, a blunt in his hand, and a white line on his desk waiting to be snorted.

He sat back, staring at the line, just reminiscing about his past, the thoughts causing tears to well in his eyes, but he quickly sucked it up and quit crying.

It was pointless. It’s not like anyone was going to comfort him anyway.

Leaning forward, he uses an old debit card, making a perfect white line, pushing down on one side of his nose and inhaling deeply before relaxing against his bed, waiting for the pain to wash away.

An escape from reality, that’s all he’s ever wanted, and drugs were a gateway to his forbidden paradise.

While losing himself to the feeling, he softly mumbles the lyrics to the song playing. “There’s no rainbows, just white lines” he smiles softly, the lyrics oh so fitting for his life.

Never once did he feel an ounce of shame or guilt while consuming the substances he swore to the guys he’d never take again.

All his life, he’s been trying trying so hard to be a person worthy of love, someone who deserved to be loved cause his parents never did.

They only pushed him into a career that he didn’t favor, scolded him for getting a grade too low, and punished him for his hobbies and passions physically and emotionally.

Most days, he felt sadness, hurt, or anger because he never felt good enough for them. It’s like every move he made was a disgrace, and throughout the years, it would only prove to be even more difficult because he was always bullied for singing and not playing football. The guys at his school were also ruthless.

In high school, it got really bad because not only was he bullied for being a nerd, but that’s also when he got heartbroken by his first love, and what made it ten times worse was it wasn’t just a breakup, no.

She cheated on him with the guy who bullied him the most, and that’s why it hurt so bad. The betrayal was utterly heartbreaking. Being cheated on wasn’t even the worst part. It was the fact she deliberately did it to him just to play with his feelings. It was all a huge prank, and while he was giving it his all to make his first and only relationship work, she was laughing and scheming behind his back.

He was used to it from his parents, but when his own girlfriend did it too, that was a new type of sadness that he hadn’t experienced before, and that’s when he realized it wasn’t just his parents that could cut him so deeply but lovers too.

Fast forward to college, and he finally moved out of his parent's place or, more less, got kicked out cause he didn’t take up med school. They practically disowned him. They didn’t even speak to him for years. Hell, they talked to the mailman more than him.

In college is where he really turned into an unrecognizable monster. That’s where his whole personality was formed. That’s when he got into countless drugs that nearly ended his life and also when he decided that after his first relationship failed, he wasn’t going to try anymore. At that point, that’s when the girls came in.

Countless girls.

Ones he couldn’t even name if he thought hard about it. He didn’t even know their faces.

He was high or drunk for more than half of them, but who cares? He didn’t have feelings for them, nor did they for him, so it was a win-win.

That’s another thing: people only made friends with him because of his looks. That’s what made him popular with women in school, but even then, it wasn’t about him or his personality or his character. It was something fleeting, shallow and vein.

After a while, he just accepted the fact that he was unlikeable, No friends, no parents who loved him, and no girlfriend that could only mean one thing.

Finally, after he graduated…. Shocking, he knows, but despite all the bullshit, he was quite smart. He just never used his knowledge for much.

He did his own thing, making money at a fast food chain to fund his rent, plus his addiction. In his free time, he did go to small concerts in his area, and that’s when he started taking his path in music seriously. Well, he always took it seriously but never really pursued it cause his parents didn’t like it, but it doesn’t much matter now cause his parents were done with him.

One night at an old bar, he found Jay Jake and Sunghoon, independent artists trying to make their come up their music style matched his taste. They had just lost their vocalist, who decided to join another band, so he thought it was perfect.

Luckily, he was able to catch up with them after their performance. They drank and smoked in the lounge while talking about musicians they liked as the conversation progressed, and their ideas seemed to align. He let them hear some of his music, and that’s how the band was formed.

Just like that.

In one night.

For the first time, he had friends.

Though he was finally able to live his passion, the boy he used to be, the one with big hopes and dreams, he was long gone, buried under drugs and money.

But surprisingly, despite his addiction, he still worked well, and the band turned out to be quite successful, and even he was impressed with himself.

Because deep down, he still feels those harsh words of his parents telling him that he’ll never amount to anything if he pursued music, but yet here he is touring the world with his bandmates and a girl too stupid and naive to know he’s useless.

But having friends and a girl made him feel somewhat normal for once, a feeling he never got to learn cause by age ten, his life was already over before it even started.

He almost wants to call his parents to shove it in their faces that he’s become successful, but what would be the point? They wouldn’t care, and like they were always so good at, he’s sure they would find every excuse and avenue to beat down and degrade his accomplishments.

That was just his parents; besides, they were probably off celebrating his brother for his accomplishments. He rolls his eyes at the thought, the resentment he felt towards his brother was purely because of his parents constantly comparing the two. His brother never really did anything wrong, but the praise he received for achieving his goals vs the demeaning insults his parents would throw at him was enraging.

Which led heeseung to distance himself from the whole family. And it’s not like his brother ever tried to reach out to him either, never stood up for him, so who the fuck cares anymore?

His life was shit he knew that much and he just accepted it. He had to, but not without a little drug holding his hand in this walk of life and keeping him sane along the way.

He taps his foot along to the beat, drifting off into a space where no one existed, just the sound of the music and the serene feeling running through his veins.

It felt as though this was where he belonged, alone with his music, free from letting down others and just enjoying life one high at a time.

Nothing got him feeling this type of high. In a long time, the mix of weed and cocaine had always been his favorite. It just made him feel so calm.

And he needed calmness in the middle of the chaos that racked his brain on the daily.

He does one line two lines through each nostril, and he feels like he’s floating, so tempted to keep going see how far he can take it, and maybe if he’s lucky, he’d overdo-

A loud banging makes him jump, his once relaxed mood gone as he scrambles to hide all the evidence of the substances he’d abused.

Oh.

One thing that wasn’t mentioned.

He’s almost overdosed multiple times after shows. He’d just go silent and then lock himself in his room for long periods of time.

Which wasn’t too unusual for the guys. They just assumed he was tired and needed a reset.

It was only one time he didn’t come out for days. Luckily, there were no shows coming up cause he hadn’t been to rehearsals or anything, just in his bed all day.

When they found him, they had to bust open the door cause he wasn’t answering. The sight made their stomachs drop, catching him in a state they’d never seen him in before.

Secluded and cut off from everything, pupils were blown and unmoving, almost like he was somewhere else, as he stared off into the distance, surrounded by weed smoke.

The fear running through their veins was palpable. They shook him over and over, and all he did was smile lazily at them high out of his mind.

It was only a minute before they took action and rushed him into the hospital. He was fine, more than fine, but they ruined it, pulling him from his peace.

Everyone was affected by the worrying state they had found him in, but once they realized what had happened, sunghoon definitely took it the hardest. Heeseung was his role model for reasons he hadn’t told anyone, but heeseung let him in on a few things from his past. Though heeseung was still very closed off, he did open up to the guys on occasion, but Sunghoon was the one he confided in the most. Sunghoon never knew it was bad enough for heeseung to want to end his life, and somewhere he felt guilty for not being a good enough friend for heeseung to want to stay alive.

That’s why it hit him harder. He felt guilty cause he should have been able to help heeseung since he knew the most about him, and he always blamed himself for that day at the hospital and all the times that came after.

Cause there were many times after.

They all did weed, sometimes even heavy drugs on occasion, but heeseung was on another level, and he used behind their backs.

Heavily.

And that’s what they all found out together at the hospital.

They had a deep, long talk, and heeseung swore he was done after seeing his bandmates worried hurt by his actions, but then that little devil in the back of his brain told him. “No, they don’t care about you. They’re using you 'cause they need a singer,” and after that, he used and used and continues to use.

Leading up to this moment. “Yo heeseung!“ sunghoon pounded on the door while heeseung quickly slid everything under the bed, everything but one crucial piece of evidence.

“What?” He yanked the door open, answering Sunghoon agitatedly.

“What? You’ve been in here for hours?” Sunghoon pointed out the obvious, and he had a feeling something was off. The last time heeseung had been locked in his room this long, nothing good came out of it.

“So?” Heeseung responded defensively, sniffling discretely and rubbing at his nose, and that’s when Sunghoon noticed.

A look of anger washed away his once composed-looking features, and he barged into the room, shoving heeseung out of the way before he could protest. “What the fuck are you doing?!” He shouts.

Sunghoon rummaged throughout his room, easily finding his worrisome stash and the old card on the table covered in white, along with needles and countless bottles of liquor.

“Get the hell out and stop touching my stuff!” Heeseung shouted.

“No! What the fuck are you doing?” Sunghoon holds the bag of white, pushing it in heeseung’s face.

“It’s none of your business.” heeseung tried to yank the bag away to no avail.

“No!” Was all Sunghoon said before taking everything from the stash.

“I paid good money for that, give it back.” heeseung’s eyes went wide. He looked as if he was almost going crazy.

The look in his eyes could only be described with one word.

Addict.

Once you and the others heard the commotion, you all came running to heeseung’s room.

“What’s going on?” Jake’s voice faded into the background, a look of disappointment on his face along with Jay as soon as they discovered the scene.

Heeseung lowered his head in shame after being caught, quietly taking the bag back sunghoons hands.

“Tell them heeseung, tell them all and your little girlfriend. Oh wait, I forgot she’s not even your girlfriend 'cause you can’t even commit to her, let alone us, only this bullshit” he flicked the debit card in heeseung’s face making him flinch.

Your brows furrow in confusion, wondering what is even going on, and heeseung never even looked at you to explain, nor did the guys.

The silence takes over. The only thing that can be heard is sunghoons heavy breathing. “I…” heeseung speaks, and before he can even get a word out, sunghoon punches him right against his jaw, causing him to stumble back, the rage overtaking him. The guys try to help get him off, but it’s too late. Sunghoon lands at least three more blows before they can pull him off.

But Heeseung retaliated, throwing a few of his own until he’s held back, both of them fuming with anger, struggling to fight while you just sit there confused and scared, screaming for them to please stop.

“No sunghoon, don’t hurt him!” You cried out at the sight of heeseung’s face.

“Get the fuck off of me,” heeseung shouts breaking free of jays hold. “Get out, all of you!”

“Hee-“ you begin, but his loud voice quickly cuts you off.

“You too, you useless fucking bitch. Get the fuck out!” He yells, and everyone just sits back, staring at him in shock, your soft cries now filling the room. “What? You never seen a guy lose his fucking mind before?” He laughs sadistically. “Well, now you fucking have, shows over, and so is the band and you,” he points to you. “He tried warning you, but you just didn’t listen, not to say it matters. You’re just like the rest of the whores I’ve fucked, a useless, desperate hole waiting to be filled, too busy sucking dick to notice I don’t have shit to give you.”

You’re shocked by his words, and you sob, unable to control the tears falling, and Sunghoon immediately holds you, knowing just how you feel. He’s been hurt by heeseung more times than he can count.

Heeseung’s jaw tenses at the sight. “What? Gonna let him and the others fuck you now too? Just so you know, there’s not a hole on her body I haven’t fucked”

Sunghoon looked at him in pure disgust, holding your trembling body in his arms, and he scoffed. “You’re pathetic, and your parents were right. You are never going to amount to anything. You’ll only ever be a useless addict.”

Sunghoon spat, voice laced with venom. He hit him where it hurts without holding back. He was the only one heeseung had told about his past with his parents, and he used that as ammo to hurt heeseung as much as he was hurting him and everyone else right now.

The words silenced heeseung. Jake and Jay escort the two out of his room, and that’s when heeseung sits by himself, all alone with nothing but his thoughts and the three bruises on his cheek that were throbbing in pain.

“What do we do now?” Jake mumbles even though no one is quite in the state to talk.

“We leave. I’m not wasting one more minute on this asshole, not after this,” sunghoons voice shook with anger and sadness, trying to keep his emotions at bay, but his bloodshot eyes told the story of how he was feeling.

Sunghoon finally parts from you, going to pack all his things and try to clear his head just a little bit, not believing the fact that heeseung had broken everyone’s trust again.

The other members follow along. They heard him, too. The band was over, so there wasn’t much left to say. Heeseung had put them through a lot over the years, and everyone decided to call it quits tonight cause none of them could watch their friend going down a path that could only lead to destruction and maybe even death.

“You coming, y/n?” Sunghoon offers, but you lightly shake your head. You needed answers from heeseung himself, not his bandmates.

Whatever happened, you needed to know the truth straight from the source cause right now, you were not only in shock but left completely in the dark.

“What? This is what he does. He brings people in his life that care, and then he fucks them over. Can’t you see he doesn’t give a shit about you?” Sunghoon said, frustrated it wasn’t his battle to fight, but he sure as hell felt like it because he didn’t want to see another person get treated the same way he did by heeseung. “Suit yourself,” he scoffed after you didn’t budge at all at his offer.

It’s late in the morning, and the guys are long gone. When you finally gather your thoughts and open heeseung’s door, he was still just there lying on his bed all by himself.

“Hee?” You call out to him, and he pops up surprised.

“You’re still here?” He asked, knowing the guys had already left, and there was a small glint in his eyes when he saw you.

“I couldn’t leave without hearing the truth from you not them,” you say quietly.

“Y/n I, there’s a lot.” he was about to open up to you, but he quickly stopped himself. You’re just like the rest he told himself. No one truly cares about him. You’re only using him for his body the same way he used you. There was no real connection between you two at all. “But I just want you, okay? The past is the past.”

“You mean that? Everything they said was…”

“Shh shh, Angel, come here.” You walked toward him on the bed and lay down next to him. “I didn’t mean it. I was just frustrated.”

“Well then maybe you could explain that to them, and they’d come back,” you say, feeling hopeful cause you saw the bond they all had, and it wasn’t something you thought should be let go after one fight, but there was so much you didn’t know, so much you’d never know, at least not from heeseung’s mouth.

“Nah, Angel, they won’t get me the way you do,” he says it to flatter you to mask the person he really is, and you fall for it like all his other lies.

His hand slinks down to your waist and lower to your butt. “It’s been too long since my dick was in you, angel girl. Gonna let Daddy fuck this pretty pussy? Need it so bad, been so stressed lately, and I know the moment I’m in you, all that will go away” he cups your pussy, and you whine, nodding against his chest.

“Yes, Daddy, please, I missed your cock, missed you,” you mewl softly.

“Go ahead, Angel, show me how much you missed it.”

You gave yourself to him every hole free for him to use, and use he did.

First, he fucked your throat with his hard cock, then your pussy, and after he took your ass in doggy, filling up the puckered rim with hot cum your holes were dripping his white semen by the time you were done, and you felt so full so warm cuddling, up to him after and sharing his last blunt.

-

Heeseung still went on to perform by himself, the music being played in the background instead of live, and he lied to his fans, saying his bandmates had an emergency, so they couldn’t attend the tour. Meanwhile, he was doing everything it took to stay afloat, using the proceeds to feed his drug addiction.

He swam in it, no longer trying to hide it from anyone. Now that the guys were gone, it was a lot easier. He even did it right in front of you, assuring you it helped him with stage fright lying through his teeth. He did show after show, line after line, coming back to the RV, giving you round after round. The only thing that took the pain away was the pleasure of your body and the drugs that took him far away.

It was just like Sunghoon said. All he did was perform fuck and smoke.

He tried to warn you, but your desire for heeseung clouded all his negative habits up until recently, and your eyes were finally starting to open and see clearly for what this was.

You noticed he was different but didn’t think much of it. After all, his band had just split up, but it was when he started looking pale and really thin that’s when you voiced your concern for him.

“So lucky I got you to come on tour with me,” he muttered, kissing your shoulder softly. “Love having you with me and being inside you every day.”

You giggle, taking his compliment, but there’s something more you need to talk about before you get carried away in his soft touches and sweet words. “Hee?” You ask.

“Yes, angel?” He replies, touching you softly under the sheets.

“I-i know you said it helps, but maybe you should slow down a bit. You’re starting to loo”

He pushes you off him, automatically taking offense. “I’m fine, don’t worry about me” he sits up immediately and gets out of bed.

“I’m not, I’m jus-“

“Well, whatever it is that you feel, don’t. I’m good. Stop acting like you’re my girlfriend. We fuck, and that’s it” he got up going to the shower, where he reached into the cabinet, taking two lines to get his day started, not stopping for one second to consider your words or feelings.

What would you know? You’re just a pathetic little fan girl obsessed with his dick.

After his shower, he left you alone like he had been doing a lot these days. It became a habit after the guys left. When he came back, it was late again, and of course, he was out buying more drugs, but you didn’t know that, nor did you think about it. The only thing on your mind was guilt for making him upset in the morning and making him leave. You just wanted to apologize to him and tell him you’re sorry about earlier.

When he got back to the RV, you were already sleeping peacefully, looking so tempting in his drunken state you had passed out while waiting for him to come back.

“Where were you?” You stirred when you heard him arrive.

“Just went out for a walk, Angel, like always.” You nod, too tired to argue. You know he’s lying, but he won’t tell you the truth, so what’s the point anymore? He cuddles up to you in nothing but his boxers, holding you close. “So warm, angel Daddy missed you,” he nibbled on your ear, his semi-hard cock grinding on your ass like it wasn’t three in the morning.

“Mmh,” you pushed back against him, his cock flush against you. “Daddy, It’s late,” you whine softly, but your hips say otherwise.

“I know, Angel, but I missed you so much. Just lay here and let Daddy get it in, yeah?” He pulled your shorts down and pushed your underwear to the side, his dick rubbing back and forth between your pussy lips. “Please?”

“Yes,” you sighed, your eyes closed, letting him use your body. He felt too good to resist. You wanted to comfort him, and since he wasn’t confiding in you, you allowed him to use your body as his comfort, which always seemed to put him in a good mood.

“Mmm, already so wet,” he whispers, hot breath fanning your ear as he nibbles on your lobe.

“I’m always so wet for you,” you moaned, arching your back further into him, molding perfectly against his body.

“Angel…” he nuzzled his face against your hair, inhaling your scent. “You feel so good on me.”

“Please just put your cock in me,” you whined, feeling impatient. You didn’t need any prep. You had already taken him so many times your body was ready and well-adjusted for him to slip it in.

“Fuck angel, you beg for it like I didn’t just fuck this pussy good last night” he wrapped his hand around your throat, squeezing lightly as he pushed his flushed pink tip inside your wet hole. He gave you slow, deep strokes, his thick cock kissing every inch of your walls..

“Never want you to pull out. Can’t go a second without you in me, Daddy.” Your walls clenched so hard, putting emphasis on your words.

You moaned despite his tight grip on your neck, which only heightened the pleasure. “Yeah, you’d like that?” he felt your walls sucking him in, and he applied more pressure to your neck. Your eyes rolled back, tongue stuck out as he used your hole. “Fuck, that’s a good little bitch. Keep squeezing this dick like the whore you are,” he whispered filthy words into your ears while his thick cock fucked into you without abandon. “I’ll stay in this pussy forever if that’s what my angel wants.”

He kept pounding into you deeply while rubbing your clit. “I love this pussy so much,” he grunts in your ear, his lips brushing against the sensitive skin.

“Daddy, yes!” You choke out, loving how deep he feels on this angle. “Fuck it feels so good,” you slur.

“Yeah, nasty little girl,” he moans.

“Your girl,” he pauses for a moment, his strokes still deep, but his expression falters at your words, but he quickly shakes it off, continuing to fuck you mercilessly. “Fuck, Daddy love your cock so much. You’re so deep in my pussy”

His hips stutter, your words making him lose his damn mind. The way you talk him through was doing something to him. It always did. “I know you do, can feel you sucking me in,” he kisses your neck, that indescribable feeling building inside him alarmingly quick. “I’m g-gonna cum. Take it, Angel, take it deep in that pretty little hole,” he moans, not concerned that he’s not wearing a condom. All he wanted was to finally finish in your pretty wet hole and the alcohol in his system only aided that want.

“Yes, yes, yes, feels s-so good” Your pussy soon swallows up his creamy load as his warmth greets your insides, and that’s when you realize he’s not wearing a condom, but you don’t care either, too lost in the feeling of finally being stuffed with his warm cum.

He massages your clit, and the moment he does, your mind goes fuzzy cumming from the intensity, feeling your walls clenching, begging for every last drop as he pulsates inside you, cum seeping from his sensitive tip till he’s emptied himself inside your throbbing heat.

“Angel,” he moans with each slow stroke in and out, caressing your wet cunt up and down. It feels so good with out a condom, so much warmer and tighter, after cumming around his cock. It’s reckless, he knows, but he can’t go back to condoms, not after feeling you so close and raw like this.

After you both came together, he wrapped his arm around your waist, holding you close and granting your wish as he stayed inside, cock still buried to the hilt in your pussy, as you both passed out for the night.

-

It was morning when you woke up. The sun was shining through the curtains as you rubbed Heeseung’s chest softly, and your gentle touch woke him up. “Hi, angel,” he greets like usual, but there’s something different. He looks down at you, smiling, the look in your eyes so soft he gets lost in it. He finds himself softly stroking your cheek, and you look up at him, smiling back at him like he held the moon and the stars in his eyes.

That’s when he saw it. He felt it, too. He was so riddled with guilt, and this was already too far, but he couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t hurt anyone else. Deep down, he knew he was fucked, he couldn't deny it anymore and he couldn’t drag someone else into his life, especially after his bandmates abandoned him for the same exact reason.

He quickly pulled away from you before he fell too deep, leaving you confused. “Can you just fucking stop? I’m not your boyfriend. Stop treating me like I am.” he got up abruptly, running his fingers frustratedly through his hair. “All this clingy shit,” he mutters, his inner turmoil getting the best of him.

“Hee?” You ask, confused, sitting up on the bed and wondering what happened to the once peaceful moment.

“And don’t call me that anymore.” he pulled tightly at the roots of his hair, feeling himself quickly losing it. “Just get out. I can’t have this.”

“Sorry, I wasn’t trying to be. We don’t have to cuddle, it’s just we always do in the morning and I thought you liked it” you say disappointedly. He hates this and hates the way you’re trying to understand him when there’s nothing to understand other than the fact that he was full of shit and nothing but a complete fucking loser.

“No, besides tours over anyway. I don’t need you anymore,” he spoke hoarsely, and for the first time in a long time, he could feel, and it didn’t feel good. His chest felt tight, and it hurt to see you like this. It always hurt when he saw the guys in the same position as you right now, but he got used to letting them down. As fucked up as that sounds, but with you, this was all new territory for him, and it was scary to feel things that he thought didn’t exist inside him after years.

It takes a moment for his words to register. “W-what do you mean need?”

“Are you that fucking stupid? I used you to fuck 'cause you were easy. You gave it up for free, and you sucked dick good, that’s all. I care nothing about you, nor do I care what you think of me. Why do you think I never made it official? Were you just that dumb and obsessed that you couldn’t see?” He chuckles, driving the dagger of words straight into your heart.

You sat there hurt, tears in your eyes, and you wished you had of listened to Sunghoon, but you wanted to give heeseung a chance to prove to you he wasn’t what his friends said he’d be, but he failed you too, just like he failed everyone else. “So those words weren’t just in the moment,” you muttered sadly. “Well fuck you, Lee heeseung, you’re a piece of shit. I tried to fight for you, but apparently, all I am to you is a hole to be filled. I’m glad the band split up. They deserved better than you, and so do I.”

Your words stung bad, real bad, but he didn’t care. This was dead and over anyway. This chapter of his life was coming to a close finally.

“Should have listened to Sunghoon,” you mumbled, getting out of bed and grabbing all your belongings, purposefully leaving behind everything that he’d bought you.

“What the fuck did he tell you?” He says angrily, hating the fact you were taking someone else’s side over his, especially sunghoons.

“Just that you’re a piece of shit and an asshole. I wish I had of fucked him instead” You got dressed and stormed out, dialing up Jake. Luckily, they were still in the area, and you’re glad you kept contact with them cause you had no idea what to fucking do right now.

Heeseung heard the door slam, and he sat down on his bed. Now, it was done; he was alone, and no one had to suffer his stupidity. It was bittersweet, but he was glad no one was suffering at his hands anymore, and if breaking that cycle meant being alone, he’d do it again in a heartbeat.

He finally let his demons win, and now he was left alone with his decision. As much as he hates to admit this, his parents were right. He never amounted to shit.

Sunghoon was right. You were right. Hell, everybody was right except for him.

Feeling himself spiral, he reached under his bed, grabbing a bottle of liquor to help calm himself down.

He took deep breaths in and out, trying to ground himself, but his head hurt so bad, and his heart hurt even more.

He needed something stronger, something that would take effect now.

He turned to the one thing that would never leave him no matter what he did: never judge him for who he is, never be disappointed in him.

Drugs.

-

Days, weeks, months, years.

Heeseung didn’t know how much time had passed as he laid in bed day in and day out.

All he knows is that his favorite song from his old band was playing on his speakers, and he was about to get high for the countless time.

He reached into his nightstand and grabbed a bag of pills. He stared at them for a moment and then dumped them out into his palm. He took a deep breath, throwing his head back and popping them all in his mouth, downing them with the bottle of liquor on his side desk.

Snuggling up to your pillow, he inhaled your scent, your faint presence still lingering, and he smiled to himself a gentle, genuine smile for the first time in a long time. “My angel,” he closed his eyes, getting lost in your familiar aroma.

He never showed it, never dared to tell anyone, but for the first time, he actually felt happy being on tour with you.

Just the little things about you made him smile, like that one morning when you stayed in bed all day feeding each other fruit, and he noticed you had a little habit of picking out all the little seeds, even the ones you could eat.

He found you endearing and even started picking out the seeds for you and feeding you.

Or when you guys would all game together, and the guys would tease him for giving you items and gold, always being the healer so he could help you win.

Some of his favorite moments were when you guys would all just sit and talk, brainstorming ideas for new songs while eating together.

What he liked most was just being surrounded by people he loved.

He laid on his back, letting out a deep, relieved sigh cause this would all be over soon. The pain would feel like nothing.

He noticed your little plushie sitting off in the corner of the room. He bought it for you when he first took you to the mall just a few days after you met.

He smiled and sat up, walking to the corner to grab it, and saw the rest of the things he bought you, too, sitting in a pile. His heart clenched at the sight, knowing you didn’t even take anything that would be a reminder of him with you, but it'd be better for you to forget him anyway.

He sat back on his bed, squeezing the plush a few times before tucking it under his arm and opening his phone to draft up texts for you and his bandmates. You probably all blocked him and didn’t care about him anymore anyway, but he needed to do this for himself, at least to finally get every heavy burden off his aching chest.

To Jake

“Hey, sorry about the last time you saw me, and I’m sorry you never really got to see a deeper side of me, but things were just really hard for me. Even though I never showed it, you really brightened up my day. Your carefree attitude and playfulness always made being around you a fun time, but you were always a little annoying for trying to get at my girl, but I love you. You’re like a little brother to me, and performing with you was always a blast.”

To Jay

“Thank you for everything. I love you. You’re an amazing guitarist, and you really know how to liven up a show. Though our success had just begun, you stayed the same through and through, hard-working and dedicated. I’m happy to say I’ve worked alongside you up until this point. Thank you for keeping me level-headed, and thanks for an amazing run. I just wish it could have been longer. I’m sorry that I ruined it. Hey, take care of the band, yeah? You should be the new vocalist. Don’t tell Jake or Sunghoon ;)”

To sunghoon

“I let you down, and I’m sorry. I know I was a role model for you, and I know I fucked that up. I’m sorry I never said sorry, and I’m sorry I never proved to you I could be better for you. You always saw the best in me when most saw the worst, and I really valued our friendship even though I messed it up. Hopefully, you can forgive me, nothing was ever your fault and hopefully, we’ll meet again someday, maybe just on the other side, but not too soon. Take your time. I’ll be waiting, okay? And I’ll have the absolute best version of myself waiting just for you. I love you”

To my true first love

“Hey angel girl, I’m a piece of shit, I know, and even though I was, you still stayed by my side even though you knew I was never entirely honest with you, yet you looked past it, never questioned me, and gave me my own time even though I didn’t deserve it you loved me unconditionally, and I love you for that. Sorry I never said it to your face, but I love you dearly, my angel girl. You gave me the love I’ve been searching for all my life, and I’m sorry I couldn’t show you that, but it wasn’t just the sex. I loved spending time with you, showering with you, waking up in your arms, and making love. All of it was perfect. For the first time, you made me happy, angel, and that’s saying a lot. I’m sorry I pushed you and everyone away, but I had some issues still do, and I just couldn’t let you waste your time on someone like me anymore. You are so much better off without me, and a loser like me will only hold you back, but thank you for loving me past my flaws, and thank you for supporting our band, and for the record, you never did anything wrong, you are perfect it’s just me I messed everything up, but I pushed you away cause I was scared of hurting you. Nothing I ever said was true. I just said it so maybe you’d love me less and let me go, but I hope the guys and you can live happily ever after without me. I love you, my sweet, sweet angel girl, and don’t you forget it. Even in the afterlife, I’ll still always be madly in love with you. I wish I could just hold you and kiss you one last time 😗❤️ goodbye, my sweet little angel. I love you.”

He closed his eyes, tears running down both sides of his face.

He cried freely, his heart hurting immensely. He always thought he’d die surrounded by loved ones, not alone in the darkness of his RV in a random parking lot by himself, but he made this bed. He’ll lay in it and surely die in it.

Amidst his thoughts, he begins to feel sleepy, and that’s when he sends all the texts. Knowing his time was coming soon, he looked at a picture of you in his phone, one he took without you noticing while you were hugging him in your sleep, and he smiled. His mind was swirling with thoughts of his life from when he was a child till now, and within moments, he was passed out, the gentle sound of his phone ringing was the last thing he heard. “Finally,” he breathed out, all the hurt and exhaustion leaving his body forever as his eyes closed.

-

“Yo!” Jake shouts from the living area.

“What?” Jay and Sunghoon pop their heads out from the other room, and so do you.

You had been staying with them at a little motel for a few days, waiting for the next flight back to your guy's hometown. Thankfully, the guys welcomed you to stay with them as long as you needed, and you couldn’t have been more grateful they didn’t bring up heeseung, and neither did you. All of you just silently understood and left it at that, hoping to begin the healing process on the flight back.

“I just got a text from heeseung,” Jake says, reading over it. “What the fuck?” He says, confused, reading the message over and over again. This wasn’t like heeseung, especially to leave that long of a text.

The other phones went off like a chain reaction: Jay, then Sunghoon, then lastly, you.

You all read the messages, your hearts sinking all together. “On the other side….” Sunghoon mumbled, and they all collectively looked at each other before running out of the apartment.

Thank goodness his location was still on. You all rushed to the RV, worried, stricken, and fearing the absolute worst. No one said it, but you all felt it on the drive there. Multiple red lights were run, but you didn’t care. You needed to get to him and see him as soon as possible.

When you arrived, he was still in the same spot as when you left him, and your heart sank even further.

You all sprinted to the RV, and you tried opening the door, but it was locked. “Step aside.” Jake took off his flannel shirt, easily punching a hole in the glass, the adrenaline pumping through his veins as Jay rushed inside immediately.

You all flooded heeseung’s room. The door was open, the room filled with smoke and the smell of weed, and through all the smoke, heeseung was lying lifeless on his bed. His phone in his hand, your plushie on his chest and a blunt trapped between his stiffening fingers.

Your heart broke seeing him like this, and you quickly rushed to his side, kneeling down next to him. “Hee? Heeseung baby? Wake up.” You shook his body gently, tears welling in your eyes. You grabbed the stupid blunt from his hand, throwing it off into the room somewhere you couldn’t care about right now. “Hee, please,” you cried, your body losing all its strength. The text told you enough, but you didn’t want to believe it.

“Heeseung….” Sunghoon muttered, completely petrified, still standing in the doorway, unable to move cause it was actually real this time, and he couldn’t do anything about it. Jake and Jay tried to shake him awake, gently tapping his cheek. Jake picked up his upper body, but he flopped right back down into his mattress.

“Come on, heeseung, stop playing around,” Jake cried in complete denial.

“Heeseung!” Jay shouted, shaking his lifeless body by his shoulders, and his head fell back entirely limp.

Jake quickly dialed 911, the sirens in the background turning into a high-pitched ringing, and everyone knew it was too late.

They’d lost their friend.

Your lover laid completely still on his bed as you hovered over him, kissing his dry lips softly, you ran your fingers through his hair, holding his hand, and your heart broke when you saw yourself on his phone screen. “It’s okay, hee. You’re gonna be fine, baby. Help is on the way. You’re okay, hee,” you repeated over and over, and the guys watched the scene utterly heartbroken as he laid lifeless, unresponsive, and his lungs froze over.

-

Taglist: @loverseon @nithxhoon @fancypeacepersona @jakeyismine @hoonprksung

[kalizzz]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ۫ 𓈒 HAUNTED FOREVER ♩

ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ 𝖻𝖺𝖻𝗒 𝗂 𝖼𝖺𝗇 𝖻𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗌𝗁𝖺𝖽𝗈𝗐 𝗒𝗈𝗎’𝗅𝗅 𝗇𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾 𝖺𝗅𝗈𝗇𝖾

警告: dragon희승 & reader ৴ noncon, smut, slight omegaverse added(knotting), p in v, monster cock, breeding ˊᗜˋ happiest birthday to @kikidoul love u so so much baby!! sry for it being so short nd rushed :(

dragon!heeseung pinning you down by the throat with his claws, his red scales shimmering in the moonlight that filtered through the dense forest canopy. your heart raced as you struggled against his powerful grip, the fear of his sharp claws piercing your skin quite evident on your face. 

“shh, baby, you’ll let me mate you, won’t you?” his tail coiled around your waist, pulling you closer to his massive form.

“n-no please,” you stuttered out, your voice strained against the pressure of his claws. you could feel the heat emanating from his body, the musky scent filling your nostrils as you squirmed underneath him.

heeseung’s eyes, normally a soft brown, had turned a fiery gold, reflecting the intensity of his dragon instincts. “don’t fight me,” his free hand moved down your body, gripping your thigh, his claws digging slightly into your flesh, making you gasp.

dragon!heeseung who chuckles at your mewling and whimpering when he puts his fat cock inside your tiny cunt without warning, stretching you so wide that your eyes water and your body shakes with the pain.

“so fucking tight, your pussy’s literally made for me baby,” heeseung’s deep, rumbling voice sends shivers down your spine as his claws tightened around your throat. his cock, thick and pulsing with need, pushed into you without mercy. you screamed, the sound muffled by the hand that held you down, as he sheathed himself fully within your trembling body.

“s-s’too much..! so big..” you whimpered, the pain overwhelming as your body struggled to adjust to his monstrous size. heeseung’s chuckles grew deeper, his breath hot against your ear as he began to move his hips, pulling all the way out before slamming back into you with a force that made the ground beneath you tremble.

“fucking take it, slut..! your body was made for this. made to be filled by me.” his tail slithered between your legs, his clawed tip gently caressing your clit as he ruts furiously inside your hot cunt like he can’t get deep enough inside of you.

dragon!heeseung who gives you his knot, the feeling of his swollen bulb pushing against your cervix making you scream louder than ever before. his claws dig deeper into your skin as he holds you down, his tail tightening around your waist.

dragon!heeseung who puts one of his hands on the visible bulge on your stomach, his thick, scaly fingers splaying wide to cover the area where his cock was buried deep inside you. his grip tightened, his claws pressing slightly into your flesh as he watched the way your abdomen stretched around his girth with every thrust.

“a-ahh no don't do that—” you pleaded, feeling the pressure build up as his hand squeezed your bulging stomach, the uncomfortable sensation of his knot pushing at your cervix becoming more intense.

“you don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re just a stupid cumdump for me to fuck,” he growled, his hand moving in time with his hips, pressing down on your stomach with each powerful thrust, forcing your body to accept the full length and girth of his cock.

your eyes rolled back in your head as the pressure grew, your body betraying you as a sudden wave of pleasure crashed over you. your pussy clenched around his shaft, muscles contracting as you come hard, soaking his cock with your warm release.

dragon!heeseung who praises you for taking his knot so well and rewards you by breeding you. “good girl,” he pants, his knot swelled larger, locking you two together as his seed filled you to the brim.

the feeling of his knot expanding inside of you was unlike anything you’d ever felt before. you could feel his hot cum flooding your womb. he watches his load drip out of your abused cunt with a predatory smirk, his eyes gleaming with satisfaction. his tail loosened its grip slightly, allowing you to breathe in shallow, ragged breaths.

“my mate,” heeseung whispered as he looked down at your body and lifted it, taking you back to his nest. “mine to fuck, mine to breed, all mine.”

REGULARS── : @rikkesttz @nics-fxy @woniesbae @jk1601 @starrias @rikiiimeow @drmsrina @rosepetals09 @tinycatharsis @doucious

IMPORTANT: dunno anything abt dragon cocks so ignore any mistakes, i don't take constructive criticism, you can gtfo.

[kalizzz]

That Uneasy Feeling - Sim Jaeyun x F!Reader

He was your boyfriend’s best friend—meaning avoiding him was impossible. Wherever Sunghoon went, Jake followed. So when Jake moved in after his breakup, you smiled politely… even as he made your skin crawl.

cw: dark!jake, noncon, hair pulling, degradation, creampie, lots of dirty talk and physical violence.

word count : 4.5k

This was requested.

You always felt uneasy around Jake.

Not in the overt, scream-and-run kind of way..no not like that, it was subtler than that. Insidious. Like the way a locked door rattling in the wind feels terrifying at night. Jake never said anything outright. He didn’t do anything that could be pointed to and named. But he had a way about him. A stare too long, a smile too slow, and always a laugh like he was in on a joke you didn’t get.

He was your boyfriend’s best friend. Which meant avoiding him wasn’t just hard—it was impossible.

Where Sunghoon went, Jake followed. They'd been tight since high school, the kind of bond that lived on inside-jokes and loyalty forged through years of chaos. So when Sunghoon said Jake was crashing with him “for a while” after his breakup, you had to smile and nod—even though something about Jake always made your skin itch beneath your clothes.

Maybe it was the way he talked to you. Like you were a little girl who needed things explained. “You wouldn’t understand,” he’d say, brushing off your thoughts with a smirk, like he was being playful. Only it didn’t feel playful. It felt like being pushed into a corner while he grinned and waited for you to break.

Or maybe it was the way he looked at you when he thought you weren’t watching. You’d catch his eyes on you across the room, pinned to you like a wolf eyeing a rabbit not with hunger, exactly, but something more disturbing. Like you were something fragile he was just waiting to crack open and ruin.

Still, you told yourself it was in your head. Because Jake was charming. God, was he charming. To everyone else, he was the golden boy handsome, funny and magnetic. That perfect blend of street-smart confidence and wounded vulnerability that made people trust him even when they shouldn’t. Sunghoon worshipped him. Your friends liked him. Even your dad said, “Now that’s a guy who knows how to take care of himself.”

But behind his smile, Jake was all sharp teeth.

It had started small. Off-hand comments. Too-long hugs. That night he stood a little too close in the kitchen, his hand brushing your hip just a second too long. You wanted to say something to Sunghoon, but how could you explain it without sounding paranoid? Jake’s just friendly, babe, Sunghoon would probably say. You’re overthinking it.

Except you weren’t. Something was wrong with Jake.

And last week, you were alone with him for just twenty minutes while Sunghoon ran out for beer. Twenty minutes, and Jake barely spoke he just sat there on the couch, flipping a lighter open and closed, open and closed. But he watched you the entire time, smiling.

And that smile hasn’t left your memory since.

Because it wasn’t friendly. It wasn’t even flirtatious.

It was scary.

"I'm so sorry, babe. I got this last-minute gig in Japan for a photo shoot—and I have to leave tonight," Sunghoon said, voice breathless with excitement, his hands gripping yours like a boy with good news and no idea what it costs.

You blinked. "Tonight?"

He winced with a soft laugh, that apologetic smile of his that always worked on you. "I know, I know, it’s crazy. But it’s big. Like, Vogue Asia big."

You should’ve smiled wider. Should’ve jumped and kissed him and squealed like a supportive girlfriend does when her boyfriend’s dreams are coming true. And you did smile just enough. You hugged him tight, felt the beating rush of his heart through his chest. You buried the flicker of unease in the soft cotton of his shirt.

Because there was no way you could say what you were really thinking. That being alone here... with Jake... made your stomach twist in slow, cold knots. "That’s amazing," you said, voice low into his ear, forcing the words through a throat that felt too tight. "Really. Go kill it. You’ll be amazing."

Sunghoon leaned back, grinning, touching your cheek. His eyes were soft, full of love and ambition, and so oblivious. Then you pulled away from the hug—and saw him.

Jake.

Standing at the kitchen doorway. Watching.

You didn't know how long he had been there. His arms were crossed over his chest, the low light casting sharp lines down the side of his face. That damn lighter of his just flipping open, click, closed again then resting in his palm. His eyes didn’t move, didn’t blink. Just pinned you where you stood like you were something caught in the light.

You felt your body stiffen before your mind could react. The air changed. He didn’t say a word. Just looked. That same stare you hated. That quiet, crawling tension that made your skin feel too tight, your breath too shallow. That same sick little smirk, just barely curled at the edge of his mouth.

"Japan, huh?" Jake said at last, slow and smooth, like dragging a knife across velvet. Sunghoon didn’t notice the tone. He turned to his friend, clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Crazy, right? You're gonna have to keep an eye on her for me." Jake’s gaze never left you. "Wouldn’t dream of doing anything else."

There was something about the way he said it. The way his eyes lingered. The way you suddenly felt cold, like the house was no longer yours. Sunghoon laughed. "Don’t look so worried, babe. Jake’s got you." You smiled. One that didn’t reach your eyes.

But inside, you felt a slow scream building. Because tonight, Sunghoon was flying to japan. 

And you’re stuck in this house alone with Jake.

"Call me when you land, babe," you said, brushing your fingers through Sunghoon’s hair as he pulled you in for one last hug. "I will," he promised, smiling, and you kissed his cheek—soft and lingering—trying to press all your fear into that one gesture, hoping he’d feel it, see it, ask.

But he didn’t. He turned to Jake instead,“Keep her safe for me, yeah?" Jake’s eyes flicked toward you, slow and unreadable. “I’ll try,” he said. You watched Sunghoon laugh, slap Jake on the back, grab his bag and vanish out the front door with the same lightness he always carried. 

The door clicked shut. A final, casual sound. And then the silence came. A slow, awful silence that crawled over the walls like mold. You didn’t look at Jake. You turned on your heel the moment Sunghoon was gone and walked—fast—down the hall. Every step felt like it echoed too loud. You didn’t run. You didn’t want to show anything. But your hands were already cold.

Your bedroom door clicked shut behind you. You locked it. Not just the knob—you slid the chain bolt, too. You stood there, forehead resting against the wood, listening. Nothing.

The hallway creaked. The house felt like it was breathing wrong. You backed away and sat on the edge of your bed, phone in hand, but you didn’t text Sunghoon. You couldn’t. What would you say?

“I’m scared of your best friend?”

He’d tell you to talk to Jake. He’d tell you it’s just your imagination. He trusted Jake. But trust was dangerous. Especially when it was misplaced. Your eyes moved to the window. First-floor. You could leave. Go to a friend’s. Say you weren’t feeling well, or your mom needed you—something. Anything to not be here. Not alone with him.

But then came the sound. Tap. A soft knock on your bedroom door. “Hey,” Jake’s voice came through “Everything okay?” You didn’t answer. A pause. “You don’t have to lock the door, you know.” Your heart climbed into your throat. You still said nothing.

Jake gave a soft laugh. No amusement in it. Just that same low, grating undertone that made your skin crawl. “I’m not a bad guy,” he said. Another knock. Gentler this time. Almost coaxing. "Unless you want me to be."

You stood from the bed, moving backward toward your desk, pulse thudding in your ears. Your phone was trembling in your hand now. You glanced down at it. No signal. You didn’t remember it going out. But there it was.

No Service.

Another knock. Slower this time. "You know," Jake continued, "it’s just us now. No need to keep pretending." You looked to the window again. It wasn’t a question of if you were leaving. It was how fast.

You backed farther into the room, one hand still gripping your phone uselessly while your other instinctively checked the window latch. “C’mon,” Jake’s voice slid under the door like smoke, “don’t be like that. You’re making it weird.” You didn’t answer. You were too focused on how fast you could yank open that window.

Then came the click. The doorknob. You spun around. He was trying to get him. Softly at first. Testing. Like maybe you’d changed your mind. Like maybe this was a joke between friends. Then—Rattle.Harder. Rattle-rattle-rattle.

"Okay," Jake said, voice dropping now, quieter—but heavier. “You wanna do this the hard way?” Your pulse hit your throat like a hammer. You lunged for the window, unlocked it, shoved it upward. It screeched in protest.

“OPEN THE DOOR!” he shouted suddenly, his voice exploding through the hallway. You gasped. Fumbling with the fucking screen. Yanking it free with a horrible plastic crunch and threw it across the room. He slammed into the door. BOOM. The entire frame shook. "Don’t run from me!" Jake bellowed from the other side. “You don’t have to run!”

Another BOOM. A crack now—wood splintering. The chain bolt was holding, barely. The cheap bedroom door whined.

Every second felt too long.

Jake slammed into the door again. The chain bolt rattled in its socket, groaning under the pressure. "Come on," he snarled through the crack in the door. "Don’t make this ugly." Cold air met your face, and for a split second, you thought you were going to make it.

Then—CRACK. The chain bolt tore from the wall. The door flew open behind you, slamming into the drywall. You got one leg through the window. Then fingers—hot, fast, and furious—clamped around your ankle like a bear trap. “No!” Jake barked behind you. "Don’t you dare." You screamed, twisting, your bare foot kicking at nothing, at air, at him—but he held on, hard, digging his fingers into your skin like he wanted to snap it.

He yanked. You slipped back into the room, your chest slamming into the window frame with a bone-rattling thud. The wind knocked out of you. One leg still dangling out into the night. One pulled back into the dark. "Get OFF me!" you shrieked, kicking again, heel smashing wildly toward his face. He grunted, then lunged, grabbing your thigh now, wrapping both arms around your waist like a python.

"You think you can run from me?" he hissed into your ear. “You think that little window was gonna save you?” His breath was hot and right next to your face now. You could feel the heat of his skin on your back, the tremble in his grip—not from weakness but from restraint. Barely held-back madness. His heart pounded like a war drum against your spine. “I didn’t want it to go like this,” he whispered, dragging you away from the sill, your nails scraping uselessly across the hardwood. “But you just had to play hard to get, didn’t you?”

Your fingers clutched at the rug, trying to grab anything. You kicked, fought, clawed—but he was stronger. So much stronger than he looked. He pulled you farther from the window like you were nothing. Like a doll. “Let me GO!” you screamed, twisting, your elbow striking out blindly. You felt the connection your arm slammed into something solid—his cheek? His temple?

Jake reeled back, howling, and his grip loosened just long enough for you to scrambled forward. Not out the window—no time. No second chance. You made a break for the door. Bare feet slapping against wood. No thoughts left. Just escaping. You hit the hallway.

Behind you, Jake’s voice wasn’t yelling anymore. It was laughing. “You can run,” he called. “But you’re already mine.” Your feet hit the hallway floor like gunshots, every step a breath closer to freedom, to a door, a weapon—anything. You darted down the narrow hall, every picture frame on the wall blurring past you, your heart pounding so hard it felt like your ribs burst open.

Jake wasn’t running. He stalked. Like he knew you weren’t going anywhere. You veered toward the living room. The front door was there—locked, maybe—but a lock could be broken. You could scream through the windows. Draw attention. A shadow swept across the wall ahead of you.

You turned too late. Jake was already there. You barely had time to shriek before his arm slammed into your side like a battering ram. You were airborne for a second—then your body crashed down across the couch. Pain shot up your spine. The cushions collapsed beneath you, the wind knocked from your lungs. You gasped, clawing to roll off—but before you could even breathe, Jake moved.

He stepped around the couch like he had all the time in the world. And then his fingers twisted into your hair hard. You cried out, arms scrambling for purchase as he yanked your head back, forcing you down, bending you forward over the backrest. The room spun. His grip was like iron, knuckles grinding against your scalp. "You really thought you could get away from me?" he whispered against your ear, breathing heavy not with effort, but excitement. “I told you… I’m not the bad guy here.”

He leaned in closer. "You're the one who locked the door." You tried to speak, to plead, but your voice was just ragged noise. His other hand grabbed your wrist and twisted it behind your back, forcing your chest against the couch, pinning you like prey. “You should’ve just opened the door,” he murmured. “Could’ve been nice.” He paused. His lips ghosted near your temple. You could hear the shift in his breath.

“I can still be nice…” But it was a lie. You could feel it in his grip. In the shaking tremor beneath his. Your eyes flicked again to the fireplace. The poker. Jake’s hand pressed harder against the small of your back, forcing your body further over the couch, locking your spine in place like a hinge about to snap. But he made a mistake—just for a second. He shifted his weight.

You exploded into movement. Your leg shot backward, kicking wildly. Your free hand reached out—scraping against the couch, the floor, then cold iron. The poker. You closed your fingers around it. Jake saw. He snarled like an animal, releasing your wrist to grab at your arm, but you swung the poker blind, with everything you had. Metal met something solid—a shoulder, maybe his ribs—and Jake let out a sharp, surprised grunt.

You ripped yourself free, stumbling forward off the couch, half-falling, half-diving toward the hallway again. But Jake was faster. He caught you mid-sprint—arms wrapping around your waist like a vise. He lifted you off the floor, dragging you back, the poker slipping from your grasp and clattering uselessly to the hardwood. "No, no, no—you don’t get to do that!" he growled in your ear.

He threw you down. Your back slammed into the floor beside the coffee table, the pain blooming bright and hot. You tried to crawl, to kick, to do anything—But Jake was already on top of you, straddling your waist, both wrists pinned beneath his knees. His face hovered inches from yours now. The mask of charm had vanished.

This was something else. His expression was twisted, not with rage—but pleasure. The satisfaction of having you exactly where he wanted you. Of winning. "You put up a good fight," he whispered, his voice raw and low. “I love it when they do that.” You thrashed again, but he didn’t even flinch. His hands slid from your wrists to your face, cupping your cheeks with mock gentleness. "You’re scared," he said, like it was something sweet.

You turned your head, spitting at him. It landed just below his jaw. His eyes darkened. The hand that had cupped your cheek struck you—fast. Pain bloomed across your cheek. Your ears rang. Jake leaned in, pressing his forehead against yours, breath hot, and said:

“I was trying to be nice.”

Then he smiled. He grabbed you roughly by the hair, yanking your head back as he flung you over the couch. You landed hard on your back, the wind knocked out of your lungs. Before you could catch your breath, he was on top of you, straddling your hips and pinning your wrists above your head with his strong hands.

His face hovered inches from yours, the mask of charm completely vanished, replaced by a twisted expression of pleasure and dark satisfaction. "You fight dirty," he whispered, his voice raw and low. "I like that."

You thrashed beneath him, trying to buck him off, but Jake didn't even flinch. His hands slid from your wrists to your face, cupping your cheeks with mock gentleness that belied the cruelty in his eyes.

"You're scared," he said, a cruel smirk playing on his lips. "I can see it in your eyes. But you're also turned on, aren't you? I can feel it in the way your body responds to mine."

To prove his point, Jake ground his hips against yours, letting you feel the thick, hard length of him straining against his pants. His thumb brushed over your lower lip before he leaned in, capturing your mouth in a brutal, dominating kiss. His tongue forced its way inside, claiming your mouth.

Jake's lips trailed down your jaw to your neck where he bit and sucked at the sensitive skin, no doubt leaving marks. "I'm going to ruin you," he growled against your throat. "Gonna fuck this tight little pussy so hard, you'll forget your own name. The only thing you'll remember is the feeling of my cock splitting you open, filling you up completely."

Jake's hand slid from your breast down to the waistband of your pants. With a wicked grin, he ripped them off you, not bothering with buttons or zippers, just tearing the fabric until he could expose your most intimate places to his hungry gaze.

"Fuck, look at this pretty little pussy," he growled, fingers trailing through your slick folds. "So wet and ready for me already. You can't deny how much you want this."

He pushed two fingers deep inside your tight heat, pumping them in and out as he used his thumb to rub firm circles around your aching clit. Jake leaned down, his hot breath ghosting over your ear as he whispered filthily:

"I'm going to destroy this pussy. Ruin it for anyone else. You'll be my personal slut, always ready and eager for my cock. I'll use you whenever and however I want."

To punctuate his words, Jake thrust his fingers harder, faster, curling them just right to hit that sensitive spot deep inside you. His mouth found your nipple, biting down hard enough to make you cry out before soothing the sting with his tongue.

"Such a good little cock sleeve, so tight and responsive," he purred, switching to your other breast to give it the same treatment. "I bet you've dreamed about this, haven't you? Being at the mercy of a man, completely under my control as I fuck you raw?"

Jake's hand left your breast to fumble with his belt, quickly unlatching it and shoving his pants and boxers down just enough to free his large, thick cock. It slapped against his stomach.

"Beg for it," he commanded, the head of his cock nudging at your entrance teasingly. "Beg me to fuck this needy pussy. Let me hear how much you want it." His eyes blazed into yours, a dark and dominant force that demanded submission. "Now."

“Jake… I-I’m begging you… please stop this…” you whispered, eyes wide, body trembling beneath him, voice barely hanging together. But he only laughed—low, cruel, and unbothered. “Nah, baby,” he murmured, leaning in close, his breath hot against your ear. “You were made to be used.”

"Fuck, your pussy is so tight," he groaned as he pushed forward, not stopping until he was buried to the hilt inside you. "Such a perfect fit for my cock."

He started to move, pulling out slowly before slamming back in, setting a brutal pace from the start. The couch creaked beneath you with the force of his thrusts, the obscene sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room.

"Take it, you dirty slut," Jake snarled, one hand gripping your hip hard enough to bruise while the other found your clit, rubbing it in tight circles. "Take my fucking cock like you were made for it. This is what you needed, isn't it? To be split open, right?"

He leaned down to capture your mouth in a messy, dominating kiss, all teeth and tongue as he fucked into you harder, deeper. His hips snapped against yours, the tip of his cock kissing your cervix with each powerful thrust.

"Gonna...fuck...fill this cunt with my cum," Jake grunted between clenched teeth, sweat dripping down his face from the exertion. "Pump you so full of it, you'll be dripping for days. Everyone will know you're my personal whore."

His fingers dug into the meat of your ass, pulling you harder against him as he rutted into you like an animal in heat. The obscene wet sounds of your coupling filled the air, joined by Jake's filthy words and your desperate cries.

"Fuck, I can feel you squeezing me, you cock-hungry whore," he panted harshly, increasing his pace even more. "Gonna make you fucking cum on my cock, scream my name while I ruin this pussy. Let everyone know who this pussy belongs to now."

“N-No… g-get the fuck… off me…” you choked out, the words shaking, barely holding together—half sob, half breath. But Jake didn’t even flinch. He didn’t pause. He just kept moving, like he hadn’t heard a single word… or like he didn’t care. 

Jake angled his hips, making sure to grind against your clit with each thrust. He could feel your walls starting to flutter around him, knowing you were close. His own release was fast approaching.

"Come on, slut, cum for me," Jake demanded, his voice a low, dominant growl. "I want to feel this pussy milking my cock as I fill it with my seed. Show me what a desperate, cock-craving whore you are."

He punctuated his command with a particularly hard thrust, grinding his pelvis against your clit as he bottomed out inside you. The intense stimulation sent shockwaves of pleasure through your body, pushing you closer to the edge. “P-Please, Jake… s-stop… I-I can’t take anymore…” you try to say but he wasn’t listening.

Jake could feel your walls starting to quiver and clench around his pistoning cock, your body instinctively trying to draw him deeper. He smirked down at you, eyes dark with lust and triumph. "That's it, fucking take it. Take every inch of my cock like the needy little slut you are."

His fingers moved from your clit to your nipple, pinching and tugging on the hardened peak roughly as he continued his relentless assault on your pussy. The mix of pleasure and pain only heightened your arousal. “Why—Jake, why are you doing this? P-Please stop…” you tried again, but the word “stop” was just a shiver of breath, almost nothing.

"I needed to...ungh...fucking breed this cunt," Jake grunted, his rhythm growing erratic as his own release approached. "Pump you so full of my cum, you'll be dripping with it."

“N-no… Jake… not in… don’t…” the rest broke off into a whimper 

He leaned down to sink his teeth into the side of your neck, marking you as his as he slammed into you one, two, three more times. 

“Don’t… please don’t… I’m not—Jake, not inside…” you tried to say it stronger, but it faded into a breathy cry. And with a harsh groan, Jake buried himself as deep as he could go, his cock pulsing and throbbing as he started to come.

"Fuck, fuck, fuuuuck!" he roared, his hot seed erupting from his cock and painting your insides. He ground against you, making sure every last drop took root deep inside your spasming cunt.

"Milk it, babygirl," Jake commanded, his voice ragged and spent but still demanding. "Squeeze out every drop of my cum like a good little cock sleeve. Show me how much you love being bred."

He ground into you with the weight of obsession, ensuring every last drop was claimed. "Milk it," he snarled, teeth brushing your ear. "Fucking take all of it, you filthy little thing. You wanted this—don’t you dare pretend you didn’t." You couldn’t answer. Your mouth was slack, your breaths shallow and wrecked. You were gone, floating in the dark. 

He pulled out slowly, watching the slick spill of cum drip from between your thighs. A low, satisfied sigh escaped him. “Look at you,” Jake murmured as he sat back on his heels, sweat streaking his chest. “Fucking ruined.”

The kitchen light buzzed faintly overhead as Jake stepped across the tile, muscles still twitching from the aftershocks. His phone lit up on the counter. One message. 

Sunghoon: So? How was she?

Jake’s lips twisted into a dark smile. He stepped back into the living room, grabbed his phone, and snapped a picture—your body sprawled on the couch, legs still parted, his release glistening between them.

Jake : She put up a fight at first. You were right—she’s fucking magic...

Another ping.

Sunghoon: Told you. She was made for this.

[kalizzz]

BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN AND WTFFFFFOEOSOOWO

keep it between us

the rule was simple: don't fall in love with your best friend's boyfriend. but jay doesn't make it that easy. so it leaves you thinking... are some rules meant to be broken?

PAIRING : bffs ex-bf!jay x y/n

GENRE : SMUT = MDNI, angst, some fluff?? cheating, some cum play, choking, slight slapping, degradation, exhibitionism

WC : 29.3k!!!!

this wasn't proof read!! im sorry!! pls enjoy

ruby is your best friend in the entire world. 

it’s a fact you find yourself repeating in your head more often than you’d like to admit. almost like you’re reminding yourself that you love this girl. 

it’s easy to realize that you love ruby when it’s just the two of you. whether you’re hanging out in her apartment watching a movie or at a cafe getting coffee together, it’s simple, relaxing. 

but at times like now, you feel like you have to forcibly remind yourself that ruby is your best friend in the entire world. 

your best friend has brought you to a party tonight, even though it’s a wednesday and you both have an 8am class tomorrow. somehow, situations like this are common in your friendship. you tell her no, give a rational, logical reason as to why you say no. and then ruby persuades you with her hunger for spontaneity everytime to do the opposite. 

from the outside, you and ruby look like complete opposites. even right now, at this party, others that don’t know or ruby would guess that you don’t even know each other, let alone be best friends. 

you’re sitting on a couch, lazily holding a red cup with some punch in it that tastes like shit, most likely because it was created by a group of frat boys. you’re sitting with a few people that you know from your classes, adding occasional statements to their conversation. 

meanwhile, ruby is absolutely wasted already, dancing all over heeseung at the pool table. she’s got her arms thrown around his neck, dancing and twirling off his body. you can hear her squeals of laughter from across the room, even over the loud music playing. 

it’s hard to not notice ruby. besides the fact that she’s constantly getting herself into situations where she’s the centre of attention (last weekend she fell off a table at a party from dancing too hard). ruby is beautiful— far away from “stereotypical” beauty. she literally excels with an aura of beauty. everywhere she goes, she has eyes on her. it’s something she’s come to expect and love. 

the thing about you and ruby is that in the areas of yourself that need to be more adventure seeking and social, ruby provides you. in the places where ruby needs more rationality and grounding is what you give her. both of you have traits that the other needs, which perfectly aligns and blends you together. which is what makes ruby your best friend. 

“what the fuck are you doing?” a man’s voice questions angrily. you turn to where the voice came from, right where ruby was dancing with heeseung. the person who you expected to be standing there, was. 

jay park is ruby’s boyfriend. they’ve been dating on and off again for the past two years. you’ve tried to remember the reason why the broke up for the first time, only one month into their relationship at that point, but it’s no use. they’ve broken up so many times over the past two years that you can’t connect what reason to the number of break up. 

jay and ruby are so similar yet so different at the same time. it’s exhausting. 

everyone at your college knows about jay and ruby’s complicated relationship. which is why no one at this party is surprised right now that jay and ruby are fighting, again. 

they both can be chaotic and impulsive, which so easily leads to their fights being dramatic and escalating quickly. they’re unpredictable together. one second they’re yelling until their faces are red, and the next they’re crawling back into bed with each other. their attraction to each other is strong enough that their commitment issues are almost constantly showing. 

“i’m dancing jay, is that a problem?” ruby answers him, her face twisted in annoyance as she holds one of her hands on heeseung’s shoulder as she stares down her boyfriend. 

“yeah, you’re grinding on heeseung, right in front of me.” 

ruby only chuckles, “i’m just having fun, jay. chill out.” 

“chill out?” you can see jay’s jaw tense from across the room, “how can i do that when my girlfriend looks desperate as fuck grinding on whoever is closest to her.” 

ruby’s faux smile drops from her pretty face, her eyes narrowing at jay in front of her. heeseung’s stuck in the middle of them. 

“why can’t i have fun without you getting all possessive? i’m not yours, jay.” 

jay scoffs, “yeah, clearly you fucking aren’t. don’t come near me again.” jay shakes his head at her before he turns, bee-lining it through the crowd of people. 

“fuck you, asshole!” ruby shouts after him, her chest heaving in anger as she watches her ex boyfriend storm out of the party. 

you can’t help but sigh as you know that it’s time for you to get ruby to go home with you. you’ll have to see her switch from crying to yelling in anger about jay until tomorrow morning, when they will most likely forgive each other again. ruby is your best friend in the entire world. 

“have fun,” maria, a girl from your calculus class, nudges you with a smile. knowing to a certain extent what you’re going to have to deal with for the next eight hours. 

“thanks,” you roll your eyes playfully. 

“i just, i don’t get why they can’t just break up for good. like they seem miserable together.” jake, a boy from the rugby team at your college, grumbles. 

you shrug, “if you find out, don’t forget to tell me.” 

your classmates tell you they’ll see you tomorrow as you head over to ruby, who’s sobbing into heeseung’s shirt now. by the look on his face you can tell he has no idea what to do, he feels awkward about this whole thing. 

“ruby?” you place your hands on her shoulders gently, “wanna get out of here?” 

ruby turns to you, her lips pouting and her makeup running down her face, “please, y/n.” 

she lets you start to guide her away from poor heeseung and outside. you smile awkwardly at heeseung, trying to reassure him that everything’s fine. he looks as confused as ever, but he manages to smile back at you before you get lost in the sea of people. 

ruby puts her head on your shoulder during the uber ride home. her crying has turned into small sniffles. “he’s such an asshole, y/n.” she tells you, a sentence that you’ve heard one million times before. 

“i know,” 

ruby lifts her head up to look at you, her lips still in a pout, “but he’ll come back, right? he always does.” 

you force a reassuring smile at her, knowing that no matter what you say, she’ll only listen to what she thinks. “right, he always does.” 

she manages to smile weakly at your words, returning her head to your shoulder. 

ruby is your best friend in the entire world. 

you wake up the next morning, way past 8am, to your phone ringing. 

almost blinding, you reach for it, keeping your head on your pillow as you answer and mumble a scratching “hello” into the line. 

you instantly hear crying, gasping for air, like sobbing, “he— he blocked me!” 

“who?” you rub your eyes, trying to understand what you were hearing.

“jay! he fucking blocked me!” 

memories from the night before come back to you as you remember dropping off a crying ruby at her apartment before you went home and passed out. you don’t know what to say to her. they’ve broken up and made up so many times before that you don’t feel any urgency to try to comfort her since they’ll probably be back together before you go to sleep tonight. but he’s never blocked her before. 

“he’s being so ridiculous!” ruby continues, her voice shaking, “i just need my stuff from his place but he’s wont fucking answer me. can you go get it for me, y/n? please.” 

you roll over onto your back to stare at the ceiling. you want to say no. you want to say that she should deal with something by herself for once. but you know that you’re already going to do it for her. just like every other time she’s called you crying about jay. 

“yeah, sure.” 

“thank you, y/n. i don’t know what i’d do without you.” 

“no problem, rubes. i’ll text you when i have your stuff.” 

you hang up, but you don’t get out of bed right away. you love ruby, but sometimes it takes so much effort to do so. you don’t know why or how you’re always stuck in this cycle between her and jay. you’re always the mediator, the shoulder to cry on. just so that the cycle restarts an hour later, like it never ended in the first place. 

you tell yourself that you’re just doing ruby a favour, but you know the favour will never be reciprocated and that it’s not just one favour. it’s like you’ve been doing her favours constantly for years. you want to tell her how you feel, but you don’t do confrontation. and you’re sure ruby will take it as an insult either way. 

so, like usual, you tell yourself that it’s fine and to not think about it. 

you go to jay’s apartment.

you’ve never been inside jay’s apartment building before, only outside of it when you pick up ruby or something. you hesitate before knocking on his door. you can’t tell if the reason you’re nervous is because you’ve never been here before or because you’re going to be alone with jay in his apartment. 

but, you’re here for ruby. and that’s it. 

the apartment door swings open before you can knock again. jay stands there, shirtless with a joint hanging from his lips. he leans against the doorframe with a slow and amuse smile on his face once he sees you. “what’s up, y/n?” his voice is casual, like all the other times he’s spoken to you. his gaze doesn’t leave you as it flickers over your entire body. 

you cross your arms as a reflex, “uh, ruby sent me to get her stuff.” 

his lips twitch like he wants to laugh, “of course she did.” 

it makes you wonder if he’s also realized that you do everything for ruby. if so, how many other people realize this? 

jay steps aside, nodding you in with the joint hanging loosely in his mouth. you step inside as he walks past you. his apartment smells like a mix of his cologne, the one that you helped ruby pick out for his birthday, and weed. his tv has a PAUSED screen on it from his video game. 

you watch as jay starts to move around his apartment, picking up things that belong to ruby that are scattered around. he doesn’t look at you, and you try not to look directly at him for too long. his back muscles flex as he bends over to pick up ruby’s phone charger. you pretend that it doesn’t make your stomach twist. 

“you know, you don’t have to do everything she says, right, y/n?” jay speaks, blowing out a stream of smoke. 

you feel your body tense at his words. “i know. she’s just tired today so.” 

he gives you a look like he knows you’re lying. because even though you and him aren’t extremely close, you both know ruby down to the very detail. 

jay shakes his head, “ruby’s such a fucking child. i can’t deal with her anymore. i’m the always the bad guy, but she’s the one who can’t keep her shit together.” jay’s honesty scares you. your first instinct is to defend ruby, she is your best friend after all. but a second part of you understands what jay is saying. 

“you’re not a bad guy, jay.” you surprise yourself with how quickly the words come out. “you made mistakes, but no one is perfect.” 

you can tell by jay’s expression that he’s also surprised at your response. but he looks away, picking up the last of ruby’s things from the kitchen table. he walks over to you, handing ruby’s handful of things over to you. he’s still shirtless, towering over you. he holds his joint in his index and middle finger. 

“you’re too nice for your own good, y/n.” 

you smile softly at him the best you can, avoiding eye contact with him now that he’s so close to you. you can feel tension growing inside of you, but you don’t know if it’s also growing within him. you are his ex girlfriend’s best friend after all. 

“you’re so different from ruby, ya know?” jay’s voice is deeper, his head tilted to the side with an amused smile on his face. 

“yeah, i know.”  you agree, trying to keep the conversation light. you don’t know where he’s going with this. you’ve never really had a conversation alone with jay before. 

“i like that.” 

your eyes widen at his statement. not expecting it at all. he only laughs at your reaction, stepping closer to you, taking a drag from his joint. his eyes scan you up and down as he exhales, blowing it out at the side of his mouth. 

“uh, thanks,” you manage to get out, your voice sounding like a squeak. it only makes his smile grow further. 

jay leans in even closer to you, making you back up against the front door behind you. you can smell the weed strongly now. he reaches over to the shelf beside you and puts out the rest of his joint in the ashtray. you stand frozen in your place. you’re trying to wrap your head around why your heart is beating so fast now. reminding yourself that this is jay standing in front of you. 

but the way that jay is looking at you right now. like he’s noticing all the small details about your face for the first time in his life, distracts you from anything else. 

“tell me to stop, y/n.” jay says, his voice lower and softer. his chest is almost brushing against yours he’s so close to you. his eyes are darkening and mischievous. his words hang in the air, challenging you to do something. 

it’s a challenge that you fail. 

jay’s lips crash against yours. it’s urgent and rough, like he’s been dying to do this forever. you hesitate for a second, trying to understand how your best friend’s ex is kissing you so harsh and desperate. like he’s starving for you. 

it’s only when jay’s hands cup your jaw, deepening the kiss that you relax and wrap your arms around his neck and shoulders. his body is hard and firm under your touch. it’s new but familiar all at once. it’s something that you’ve thought about more than once. the thought that you’re finally giving in to something that you’ve imagined over and over again throughout the years sends a rush of adrenaline down your core. 

jay’s lips guide yours, taking control, showing complete dominance over you. the wave of submission courses through you as you let his movements lead the way, like you’re chasing after him. 

jay starts to step back, keeping his lips attached to yours as he guides both of you to the couch behind him where you’ve sat with ruby and him before. he sits down, his hands grasping your hips as he pulls you down on top of him so you’re straddling him. 

“we shouldn’t be doing this,” you pull apart for a second, unable to keep your lips off of his for more than a second. 

“i know,” he mumbles back, keeping his eyes closed as he chases for your lips. 

you can’t help but feel like this is so wrong. you should have never gone to your best friends’ boyfriend's apartment. you knew it’d be dangerous, especially when jay is so vulnerable right now and you know you have no self control when it comes to him. 

but at the same time is feels so good to be touching him like this. you have thought about it one million times before, but always with the guilt that he was dating your best friend. now its different, they’re broke up and it’s oblivious that jay wants you just as much as you want him. you don’t have to hide your lust for him behind the mask of being his girlfriend's best friend. it’s like he finally sees you as more than that. you can tell by the way his hands are gripping your waist, guiding your hips to move overtop of his hard cock growing underneath his sweatpants. 

jay’s fingers hook underneath the bottom hem of your shirt, pausing against your skin, making the area burn against the contact. 

“can i?” jay asks, his eyes looking up into yours above him. his eyes are serious, yet pleading for you to say yes.

you blush at the eye contact and manage to nod in approval. trying to ignore how your hands start to shake on his shoulders from nervousness and adrenaline of excitement crashing together. 

jay continues to pull your shirt off your head and drops it on the living room floor. it leaves your chest completely bare to his eyes. he grabs your waist tightly, making it unable for you to move to cover yourself from the shyness that is creeping up your body. you’re unable to hide. his eyes scan your skin quickly like he’s in a hurry to remember every square inch of your body. you bit your lip in unsureness, trying to decipher what he’s thinking as he looks at you. 

he finally speaks, “you’re so fucking pretty, y/n.” 

your lip stuck between your teeth helps cover your growing smile at his compliment. jay has never looked at you or spoken to you like this before. like you’re y/n and not ruby’s best friend. he sees you as your own person. 

everytime you’ve hooked up with someone before, it’s been someone you’ve met through ruby. they’ve always rushed you, barely spoken to you and it always felt like they hooked up with you out of limited choice of other people to hook up with. 

and you can never forget the time you were hooking up with jaehyuk in the year above you and he moaned ruby whilst he came inside of you. the worst part is, he didn’t even realize he had done it. he just pulled out, put his pants back on and high fived you before he left you in the random bedroom at the party. 

since then, you’ve been more aware and weary of what you hook up with, especially the ones you’ve been hooked up with through ruby. you feel like you’re just always seen as since ruby is unavailable, you’re the second best option since you’re her best friend. you always feel like you’re ruby’s shadow, like you’re not your own person with your own feelings and opinions. 

but now, on top of jay, with his eyes on your skin and voice in your ear, it feels different. you feel seen for once. like he wants you and only you. and not because you’re ruby’s best friend, not because you were just there and available. 

jay leans in and kisses your collarbone, his tongue darting across it. his lips suckle against it, leaving a dark red mark that (you hope) will bruise later. he takes his time, his tongue trailing slowly across your chest. he’s teasing you as he gets closer to the sensitive skin along your breasts. he licks right beside your nipple, loving the way you mewl in dissatisfaction from his teasing. you can feel his lips form a smile against your skin. 

when his finally wraps his lips around your pink bud and sucks harshly on it you gasp softly. your hands tighten around his head to keep him close as his own hands tease your spine, gently rubbing up and down the indent. he nibbles on your nipple gently with his teeth. your hips are still circling above his crotch, you can feel him hardening even more at your audible reactions to his movements. 

jay pulls away, his arms wrapping around your waist as he stands up. your wrap your legs around his waist in shock, your eyes wide as you stare down at him. he keeps a cocky grin on his face as he starts to walk to his bedroom with you in the air. 

“just trust me, i got you.” he tells you earnestly, chuckling under his breath as your reaction. 

jay lays you down onto his bed, your head landing in his pillows. you try to ignore the questioning thought of how many times ruby’s head has been in your exact position before. 

jay takes his time with you. slowly kissing down your bare chest and stomach. his hands roaming every part of your body he can reach. when he gets to your jeans he unbuttons them and your panties down your legs. 

you can tell that jay is confident and experienced, a bit cocky. even though you’ve never been together like this before, he still acts like he knows exactly what makes you feel good. like you’ve told him yourself. he doesn’t hesitate with any of his actions, thus his head is in between your legs with no further thought. 

jay’s tongue delves into your pussy, lapping up your juices, wanting to taste you so badly. you can’t help but moan out at the first touch of his tongue. it had been so long since a man has properly tasted your core. you can tell that jay knows exactly what he is doing and it amazes you. you had thought that no one could ever make you feel good with their tongue, that it was something that only seemingly happened in porn. but with jay, it was different. 

your hands grip the sheets underneath you, needing to steady yourself as you prepared for jay’s tongue to start switching between darting in and out of your hole and circling your clit. he keeps his hands on your hips, pinning them down to try to stop you from bucking up into his mouth. you keep your head up on your shoulders, looking down at him as he works his tongue all over your pussy. you moan as he keeps his eyes on you, wanting to catch every single reaction you make to his movements. 

everything he was doing felt new to you. it leaves you uncertain of where this was all going. you’ve never felt this good from someone else before. you’ve never been touched with care. part of it makes you nervous as you don’t know where this is going. like maybe everything will just fall apart in a second. but you don’t want jay to stop. 

jay slips two of his fingers inside of you, immediately curling them to find your gspot. you gasp out, eyes widening as he manages to increase the amount of pleasure you were feeling. “oh god,” you mumble out weakly, your lip getting stuck between your teeth. you feel jay smiles against your wet pussy, your juices and his salvia mixing on your pussy and his lower face. his chin was already a mess from how deep and passionate he was eating you out. 

jay’s fingers create a pace, making sure to curl them perfectly to his your gspot everytime he pushed them back into your tightening walls. both of you knew it wouldn’t take much longer for you to cum. and although you were embarrassed at the realization, jay was even more turned on by it. his hips started grinding more into his mattress below him, trying to relieve himself a bit underneath his usually loose sweatpants, but now were suffocatingly tight. 

“just cum, y/n, please,” jay begs you from his spot between your legs, “i wanna feel you cum on my face so bad,” his eyebrows are pulled together, desperate as he pleads for you to cum, “wanna taste you even more, all of your juices.” 

“f-fuck,” you stutter out, your jaw becoming slack as you allow the pleasure to fully consume you now. jay can tell you’re finally coming undone when your walls spasm around his fingers, your hips buck up to still against his face, letting him suck on your clit harshly through your orgasm. your head is thrown back into his pillow. you feel almost helpless as you lay there, your body frozen as your orgasm hits you hard as hell. you can’t even push jay’s head away when his tongue starts to overstimulate you. 

when he feels like he’s drank every last drop that your pussy would give him, he presses a kiss onto your shaking thigh and pushes himself up so he’s hovering over top of you. he stares down at you, right into your eyes as you try to catch your breath and relax from your orgasm. 

jay doesn’t say anything as he leans down and makes your lips meet his. your eyes close as you kiss him back. you hum at the taste of yourself on his lips. he pushes his tongue into your mouth, exploring it as your hands wrap around his shoulders to keep his lips against yours for longer. his kiss feels addicting as you follow his lead, liking how easily he can take control and guide you with your lack of experience. 

jay roughly pushes his lips off of yours, his hand taking a grasp of your jaw, forcing you to stop. you look up at him through your lashes, chest still heaving from the lack of oxygen being provided from your orgasm and his kiss. jay’s thumb brushes against your bottom lip, swiping away some of the saliva you had mixed together. he smirks down at you, obviously catching the submissive glimpse in your eye as you look back at him, “you wanna keep going?” 

breathlessly you answer, “yes,” you nod with his hand still taking your chin captive, “please.” 

jay’s smirk only seems to widen mischievously, “good girl.” 

he takes his hand off of your chin and instead starts to pull off the grey sweatpants he wore oh, so loosely on his dainty hips. his pants are off and thrown on the messy floor of his bedroom in a second, but you don’t look where exactly they are thrown to. you can only stare at jay’s hard cock finally being revealed to your eyes. you mean, ruby has shown you pictures years ago when they had first gotten together, but that didn’t count. jay was now physically in front of you with his cock hard just for you, wanting to be inside of you. the thought had your thighs rubbing together. jay catches the  movement, chuckling deeply as he places a warm hand onto your bare knee and prying your legs back open. 

jay easily, almost perfectly, slides himself in between your legs, your legs wrapping around his waist instinctively. jay starts to rub his cock up and down your slick, wet folds. he collects all of your juices and his saliva onto his cock., lubricating it to push it deep inside of you. when the red tip of his cock rubs against your clit it has you mewling out from the need and sensitivity. you feel like walls clench around nothing, just the thought of jay finally being inside of you. 

“ready?” jay confirms, his eyes staring right into yours again. you can barely look at him, almost shy again now that his cock was a milimeter away from pushing inside of you, stretching your walls. 

“yes,” your voice is weak and feeble when you answer. you feel embarrassed almost, but you know he doesn’t know why. he probably thinks you’re shy because you’re bare in front of him. he doesn’t know that what is happening right now is a situation where you have thought of multiple times before and now that it’s real, it’s making you blush. you know that he’s probably never thought of you in this position with him before, but you don’t seem to mind as jay finally pushes his cock inside of you. 

jay goes slow, his tip that is dripping with precum slides in first and he stops once it’s fully in. you try to calm your breathing at the stretch of only his tip entering. jay keeps his eyes on you the entire time, his one hand resting on your knee whilst the other stays gripping his cock, pushing it further, in so slowly, so gently. like he’s afraid he’s going to hurt you. it’s the most caring anyone has ever been with you and he’s barely even started. 

within a minute, jay has slowly pushed himself into you. your hips are pressed against each other. your legs are spread so your clit is exposed to his eyes, rubbing against his lower abdomen. jay watches your face the entire time, not wanting to cause you any discomfort, but once he’s fully inside he can’t help but groan out and drops his head into your shoulder. 

“fuck, you feel unreal, y/n,” jay grumbles against your skin, his voice directly into your ear as he lays on top of you. he’s careful to not move his hips in any sudden way. he lets both of you get used to the stretch his cock has on your tight walls. you know you’ll be repeating the way his voice is so raspy and already out of breath as he says your name over and over again after this is done. 

jay presses his lips into the crook of your neck and shoulder before he pushes himself back up onto his elbows, trapping your head in between, forcing you to look up at him. 

he keeps his eyes on you as he slowly pulls himself out of you, keeping just his tip in. you gasp out, your back levitating off of the mattress behind you as his cock seems to glide against every spot inside of you that makes you feel good. when he slides back in, his cock hits your g spot, making you whimper out. 

your chests are pushed together as jay starts to create a pace. he steadily keeps the pace, your legs still wrapping around his waist. you find it hard to look back at him as he’s looking at you. you feel so exposed underneath his gaze. like he can read your mind perfectly. like he’ll realize that maybe this means more to than it does to him. 

because you know that neither of you should be doing this, but you shouldn’t especially. though you and jay are supposed to be loyal to ruby, you have more reasons than jay to not be doing this. because this means nothing to him, and both of you know that. but you know that there is a deep, suppressed feeling in your chest towards jay that you force yourself to not think about. that when you look at jay there’s a certain twinkle in your eye that you’re afraid he’ll see as he lays on top of you, his cock delved deep inside of you. 

jay huffs as he sits up on his knees, his hands moving from above your head to your hips. your legs stay glued to his hips, not wanting him to escape you, as if your legs will keep him there forever. his bangs fall into his face as he stares down at you. 

“tell me if it’s too much, ‘kay?” his voice is deeper now, the lust taking over. 

“okay.” 

jay slides his hips away from yours, his cock almost leaving your needy hole before he slams back inside of you. your whole body jerks up towards your bed. your moan mixes with jay’s in his bedroom. both of you were tired of his slow, gentle thrusts that had only turned into teasing the more your walls tightened around him, the more his cock swelled every time it hit your cervix. 

jay’s grip on your waist tightens as he starts to pick up his pace. he’s moving quicker now, slamming his hips against yours every single time. your hands fly above your head, gripping the headboard above your head to prevent you from hitting your head. he’s fucking into you so hard you think your core will be bruised in the morning. but you don’t mind. 

no you don’t mind at all. if it gives you a mark that will let you remember that this is really happening and not some figment of your imagination then you wouldn’t mind. if it’s jay giving you marks on your body that prove he has touched you in a way you could’ve only dreamt of before now then you wouldn’t mind. 

your hands cover your face as you try to hide your moans and expressions. it’s almost diabolical how good jay is making you feel and it hasn’t even been that long that he’s been inside of you. you’re sure jay can tell you’re inexperienced, he’s probably even heard stories about you from ruby. you think he’s been around more than once when you and ruby have even talked about the lack of hookups you’ve had. but right now you don’t want him to think about that. 

suddenly, jay’s warm hand wraps around both of your wrists, pushing them over your head. he pins them to the mattress below, not letting you move them. he traps you there, with your hands over your head and eyes widened as you can look nowhere but at him. 

“don’t do that,” he shakes his head at you, his thrusts still not stopping. “let me see you, please, look at me, baby.” 

the nickname sends an electric shock down your body, making your walls clench tighter around him. you’re sure he can tell by the way his jaw drops as he continues to thrust, his eyes staring right into yours. you want to hide, mask yourself from him, but he makes it so hard. 

“please,” he begs you, his voice desperate and deep.

“o-okay.” 

jay smiles at you, leaning down and kissing you. the kiss is soft and gentle compared to how hard and fast he’s thrusting into you at the same time. you can’t help but moan into his mouth, muffled by his tongue meeting yours and circling it. his taste is becoming familiar to you too, now. 

jay pulls away, sitting back up, leaving your hands as he grabs your waist with both hands again. your hands fly to his forearms, wanting to get as much as his touch as you can. jay doesn’t say anything, just keeps grunting as he thrusts into you. 

unlike any of the other guys you’ve been with, jay keeps his eyes on you. his pleas of looking at him keep your eyes on him. you wanted to please him as much as you can. so even though you’re worried he’ll be able to tell you see more in this situation than he does, you keep your eyes open and on him. 

jay’s fingers land on your clit, rubbing the bud in fast circles, adding to the pleasure that was growing in the pit of your stomach. your grip tenses around his forearms from the pleasure. your back arching off the bed uncontrollably. 

“fuck, you’re so sensitive,” jay mumbles as he watches your body fumble around below him. you whine in response out of embarrassment and lust and need all at once. jay laughs through his breathless thrusts, “it’s hot, don’t worry.” 

“you’re hot.” you can’t help but reply. and you blame it on the orgasm that’s quickly building inside of you, because you know that you’re usual self would not dare to speak that, even though you’ve thought it since the first day you had seen him. when ruby had brought him over to introduce you to him in the university cafeteria. his hair was shorter back then and he was less muscular than he is now. but you still found him drool worthy. you remember him sticking his hand out to you, shaking your hand as ruby introduced you to him as her “best friend for life”. but you couldn’t stop staring into his deep brown eyes that were turned into a smile. 

jay chuckles at your statement, it’s something he already knows— and he knows that if it wasn’t for his cock hitting your g spot over and over again, you would have never told him. 

“i wanna cum inside of you,” 

a wave of electric pleasure soars through you, your walls tightening more as your body squirms below him, “please, please.” 

jay’s jaw drops again and his eyes close for a second as he takes in your wet walls enclosing around him, literally suctioning him in, tempting him to cum inside of you right this instance. 

“fuck, okay,” jay nods at you, eyes meeting yours. their colour is darker now compared to when you first met him in freshman year. they’re filled with lust and need as he rubs your clit in faster circles with his three fingers. “i want you to cum with me, you think you can do that?” 

“yes, yes, god.” you nod against the mattress, your hair becoming a mess because of all your squirming. 

if you weren’t so close to cumming on jay park’s cock you would be embarrassed by how fucking needy and desperate you sound. 

jay starts to fuck his dick into your harder and harder. his bedroom is filled with your moans and his grunts and the almost disgusting, wet sound of your bodies meeting together. your entire inner thighs are leaking and drenched and spreading all over his lower abdomen. neither of you can care at this point, loving the mess it takes to get this close to cumming so hard. 

“beg for my cum,” jay grunts out, his voice the deepest you’ve ever heard it. you can tell he’s just as close as reaching his orgasm as you are. 

you swallow harshly, “i want your cum so bad, jay, please.” your eyebrows are pushed together, like a puppy-dog as you look up at him. “please cum in me— i wanna feel your warm cum inside of me so bad.” 

“oh, fuck,” jay’s stomach jerks harshly in and out, his thrusts not stopping as he fucks into you. you can feel his dick start to twitch inside of you. he still keeps his eyes on you, soaking up the lust yours are packed with. 

“fill me up, jay.” your voice is like a whisper, but it’s all it takes for jay to finally hit his high. 

“fuck, fuck, cum with me, baby, please, please,” jay’s voice is anguished as he begs, his cum starting to spurt out of his cock, painting your walls with white. 

jay’s cock twitching over and over again inside of you and his fingers sloppily rubbing your clit push you to the edge. but the pet name that spills from his lips fully pushes you over. your orgasm hitting just a second after jay begs for you to cum. your moans meet his as your eyes stay glued to each other’s. you can see the pleasure take over his entire face as he lets go inside of you. he does what you begged of him and fills you up with his warm cum. your walls pulsating around him as more of your juices slide around his cock make his orgasm last longer, which he isn’t disappointed with. 

when the final spurt of cum and wave of pleasure washes over jay he plops down on top of you, his cock still lodged inside of you. he lays his head into the crook of your neck and shoulder. you can feel his heavy breath against your neck as he comes down from his high. every few seconds you can feel his cock twitch inside of you still, from the left over pleasure that is coursing through not only his veins, but yours as well. 

neither of you try to move, besides jay’s thumb lazily circling your bare hip bone, soothing you from your orgasm. you’re left staring up at his ceiling, chest still panting, smelling jay’s cologne with a mix of sweat and weed. 

there’s a fluttering feeling in your chest that scares you, but you’re too physically tired to do anything about it. that was the hardest you’ve ever come in your life. it had just ended, yet you’re already trying to replay the entire event in your mind. you don’t want to forget a single detail and you aren’t sure— no, you know,this won’t and shouldn’t happen again. 

you remind yourself that this isn’t romantic. this is chaotic and messy and so utterly selfish it should make you sick. but you don’t move, you stay put underneath jay, under your best friend’s ex boyfriend. you don’t want to move. 

when you wake up in the morning you don’t know where you are for a second. you look around the room, trying to figure out why your bedroom looks so weird. it’s only when your foot hits something next to you that you remember where you are. 

your eyes scan beside you, the white sheet draped over jay’s still naked body as his eyes are closed with his head against the pillow right beside yours. his black bangs are hanging over his forehead, covering the tanned skin that sweat droplets fell from only a few hours before. 

when you laid down last night it was dark out, but now there is clearly sun peeking through jay’s white curtains. you reach over to the nightstand, grabbing your phone and audibly gasping when you see the time. 

fuck. 

you had class in an hour and still had to bring ruby her bag of shit she wanted from jay. the whole reason you even came to his apartment was for your best friend. and now you’re leaving with more reasons to stay away from jay than you had come here with. 

you throw the sheet off your body, your eyes widening when you see that you’re still naked as well. you stand up, trying to remember where your clothes had been. you pick up pieces of clothing from his bedroom floor all the way to the living room, where the PAUSED screen of his video game is still flickering on the tv. you pull back on your shirt and skirt, trying to find where jay had put your shoes. 

“leaving already?” 

you gasp as you turn around, facing his bedroom door where jay leans against the door frame. he has his grey sweatpants back on again, still loose around his hips. you gulp when you remember what is right below them, and how you’ve felt him inside of you, all over you. the memories from last night slamming you at full force now that he stands directly in front of you. your mind starts spiraling as jay just lights a joint in front of you. when he exhales, your eye contact breaks through the grey smoke. 

“um,” you shake your head, trying to get yourself to focus on anything but his toned muscles, “do you know where my shoes are?” 

with the joint in his mouth, jay’s eyes widen in recognition and nods towards the couch, “under the coffee table.” 

you follow and pull out your sneakers, fumbling to slip them on your feet with urgency. you suddenly wanted to leave just as quickly as you wanted to the night before… before jay had persuaded you to stay. saying nothing, you grab the bag of ruby’s stuff and head to the door. 

“y/n,” he calls your name when your hand grips the doorknob. you don’t let go of it as you look over your shoulder at him. he’s still in his place at the bedroom door. he shrugs when he speaks, “don’t overthink it.” 

you stare at each other, and to anyone else it would seem expressionless, meaningless, but you both know what you’re thinking as you look into each other’s eyes: don’t tell ruby.

you pull open his apartment door and slam it behind you, like that would stop anything from following you out.

ruby doesn’t question you much on why you hadn’t answered her texts the night before, which you were relieved for. she was more concerned with what jay had said to you when you showed up and asked for her stuff. if he had told you he missed her, if he was crying, if it smelt like a perfume in his apartment that wasn’t hers. you hoped she hadn’t picked up on your nervous tapping on your desk when she asked the last question. 

when ruby had finally run out of questions about jay she sat back in her seat, pouting as she crossed her arms over her chest. although she had told you she had spent the entire night crying about jay, she looked like she had slept a peaceful nine hours. her makeup and hair looked pristine as always. you, on the other hand, looked like you had been through a trainwreck. your hair felt like it was a knotted mess and you were still wearing the same clothes you had on yesterday. you would so kill for a coffee right now. 

“so, what were you up to last night?” lena looks over at you from her slouched position. the classroom had started to fill with other students, the professor yet to show up. 

you can’t help but basically give yourself whiplash as you turn your head to look at your best friend. your arms instinctively wrap around your body, like you can hide behind them. “um, not much. why?” 

ruby tilts her head at you to be honest, her nose wrinkling upwards, “because it looks like you haven’t showered in a week.” 

your mouth opens to speak, to say literally anything to explain to her about why you look like this. to say any words except for jay. but unfortunately, that’s the only word running circles in your head since an hour ago when you woke up naked beside him in his bed. 

ruby sighs, “please don’t tell me you spent all night on that anthropology paper! i told you to chill out about it, it’s not due for another month!” 

ease washes over you, too much for your liking. you don’t like feeling like this infront of ruby. she was supposed to be your best friend and now it’s like you have to watch everything you say to not let it slip what mistake you had made the night before. 

you sheepishly smile at her, “maybe.” 

ruby rolls her eyes, sitting up now with a playful smile on her lips. “you work too hard.” she shakes her head, “at least put the rat nest of a hair up.” she slips off a scrunchie she had on her wrist, handing it to you. you keep that guilty, sheepish smile on your face as you take it, reaching up to put your hair into a ponytail. 

“oh my god!”

your hands drop to your side at once, “what?” 

“what’s that on your neck?” ruby reaches over and bends your neck so she can see better in the dim classroom lighting, “is that a fucking hickey?” 

your hands fly up to cover the general area she was looking at, brushing her hands off of you. “what? no!” 

ruby’s jaw drops as she looks at you, her eyebrows pulled together in shock, “y/n, that’s a fucking hickey you liar!” 

you stare at your best friend, eyes circling her face as you try to read her expression, trying to think of anything it can be besides a hickey. your hands start to sweat, you can feel it against your neck where they try to hide the bruise that jay had apparently left the night before. you knew you should’ve looked in the mirror before coming straight to school. you thought it would’ve been suspicious to ruby if you were late to class for once. you now realize that this was much worse. 

you feel paralyzed as you stare at ruby, not knowing what to do or say in this situation. you had only hooked up with jay less than twelve hours ago and ruby had already figured it out. you were so fucked, oh my god your friendship is so completely ruin—

“you have a secret crush,” ruby’s face contorts into amusement, her shoulder coming to nudge you, “oh my god, he had you up all night didn’t he?” 

your arms wrap harder around yourself, trying to get yourself to calm down. another crisis adverted. 

“ruby,” you shake your head, turning away from her to sit forward and face the front. your professor had finally come to class, apologizing for being so late today. something about traffic but you couldn’t hear properly with your heartbeat pounding in your ears and ruby leaning over the desk to stare right at you. 

“who is it? come on, tell me! please!” 

“it’s no one ruby, it’s done. it won’t happen again.” you tell her, and it's the full truth you’ve told her all morning. 

ruby doesn’t like your answer, pouting and slouching back into her seat as she stares straight ahead at the professor setting up the powerpoint for the lecture today. the lights turn off in the classroom, the only light being the projector. 

“it’s fine i guess,” ruby mumbles, quieter now as the professor begins to introduce the topic for the day. “at least i don’t have to find people to hook up with you, now that you can do it on your own.” 

you glance over at ruby, her face is expressionless as she stares straight ahead. when she meets your gaze a smile spreads on her face which you mirror and then turn to focus on opening your notebook. 

ruby’s words sit with you for the rest of the day. like it had been some awful burden to her to find someone to hook up with you. like you had begged her to do. like it was so hard to find some desperate guy to hook up with poor y/n. even though you know it's wrong, you can’t help but picture ruby’s face if she found out what had really happened last night.

ruby and jay’s “disagreements” (what ruby calls their fights) usually only last a few days before their tongues are down each other’s throats again and you’re struggling to get a second of ruby’s attention. but this time, it’s been a week since jay had stormed out of the party and given ruby all her shit back. 

if you hadn’t hooked up with jay a week ago, you wouldn’t be so worried. you know ruby is slowly transcending into an emotional hurricane by the second. one minute she’s laughing saying she’s a “free woman” and then the next she’s crying on your lap asking you what she had done wrong. 

the worst part is that you think ruby is picking up on your anxiety. she keeps looking at you with her pleading eyes to tell her the “truth”— that jay will call her back and he’s just being petty right now, but you can tell she sees right through your reassurance. 

ruby was always such an emotional chaotic mess that she needed your stability. you needed to hold her still. and you didn’t mind doing it, but now that that stability is wary it’s only creating an even worse feeling for the both of you.  

you don’t like lying to your best friend, but you can’t help but feel like the moment you had with jay the week before was the first and only time someone had seen you for yourself. like you didn’t need to be with ruby in order for someone to even briefly glance at you. like you had a voice of your own. 

it made you question your entire decade long friendship with ruby more than you ever had in your life. it scared you but the feeling in your chest like you were hiding something grew bigger every day, and it wasn’t just because you were hiding the fact that you hooked up with jay. it was because you felt like you were hiding a part of yourself from everyone. a part of yourself that you felt like you consciously suppressed in order to let ruby shine. 

but the thing was, you realize now that you wanted to shine too. 

today was monday, which meant that ruby, the only one in your friendship that had a car, had cheerleading practice. it usually wasn’t a problem for you, even though you would have to constantly hear about how sore her legs were afterwards. but today, it was raining as soon as you stepped foot outside your university’s doors. the pavement was already a dark grey from how long and hard it had been raining. 

you have no other option but to put your headphones on and start walking home since your other, more dry option was at cheerleading practice for another hour and a half. 

it didn’t take long for your hair to become drenched and stick to your face. you could feel your socks becoming little puddles in your shoes with every step and you hadn’t even properly made it off of school property. 

car headlights turn the corner behind you and when you glance over you see a familiar black bmw pull up the curb beside you. it felt like a punch in the chest when the window rolled down to reveal the face that you had thought about every single day this past week. his eyebrows were furrowed in concern as he shouts at you, “what are you doing?” 

it takes a second for you to realize that you’re not dreaming, that jay is actually in front of you, “walking.” you sound dumb, like you have never spoken to someone before in your entire life. 

you see him roll his eyes through the harsh rain, “get in.” 

your body starts to walk before your mind is aware, almost drawn to him subconsciously, or you just really wanted to get out of the rain. 

you hop in the passenger seat of the car that you’ve been in before. jay has picked you and ruby up to go to a party or some other thing multiple times before. but you had always sat in the back, watching him and your best friend either hold hands over the centre console or fight until they're both red in the face as you pull up to the destination. it was like you were in ruby’s territory— again.

now that it was just you and jay in the car, it was definitely the most quiet it’s been in here with him. 

jay’s dry laugh distracts you from the silent comparing, “you’re fucking drenched.” he reaches over to blast the heat, turning all the vents towards you. “do you want to get pneumonia or?” 

“no, of course not. ruby’s just at cheer so, i didn’t really have a choice.” you explain yourself, but you catch the way jay’s whole body tenses at the mention of your best friends’ name. jay turns his eyes to face the road again and his amused smirk drops from his face. 

“so, you going home?” 

“yeah,” you nod and jay takes his foot off the break, pulling away from the curb in the pouring rain. the windshield wipers are working at a fast pace and the heat blasting is working overtime to keep you from catching a cold. you can still feel droplets of rain falling from the strands of your hair onto your hands. 

the sound of the rain relentlessly hitting the car and the heater blasting is enough to make it less awkward than it should be in the car with him. you feel almost pathetic. you had thought about him all week— all the things you wished you could’ve said to him the last time you had seen him. but now, that you’re actually with him in his car— alone, you’re silent. all you can think about really is how loud and fast your heartbeat is going. you hope he doesn’t hear it. 

you hope that he just assumes that you’re sick, like the rain had actually gotten to you and has given you a cardiac emergency and that’s why your chest feels like it’s about to explode. that the feeling is definitely from that and not the fact that he’s so close to you right now.  

“why haven’t you texted ruby, yet?” you speak before you can stop yourself. 

jay scoffs, “i have nothing to say to her,” he turns his head to look at you, his eyes serious and steady, “and i don’t want to talk about her. especially not when i’m with you.” 

your head snaps to look out the passenger side window, like the rain droplets covering the entire window have somehow become more interesting to look at than jay. you hope it hides the fact that your eyes widened almost cartoon-like at his words. what does he mean by that? though, you do agree with him. you don’t want to talk about your best friend when you’re with him. it feels wrong but so good at the same time. you want to stay here just a bit longer to figure out what is the right thing here— the good thing. 

in your peripheral vision you can see jay glance over you once, and then twice before he speaks, “you know,” he starts in his usual confident tone, the one that you wish you had, “you don’t have to do all that, good girl, shit with me.” he says “good girl” like it tastes bad in his mouth to say. like he’s repulsed. 

you look at him, keeping your face expressionless as some defense mechanism. 

“you don’t have to pretend, just be you.” 

“what?” 

jay narrows his eyes, “you know what i’m talking about, y/n.” 

it’s your turn to go stiff. is it really that obvious how you feel? then why is jay the only person to ever be able to really tell what you’re feeling? without even saying anything he knows what you’re thinking. he sees right through you. it scares you to be honest. how long has he been able to do this? 

“you make it sound like it’s so easy,” you place your palms flat against your soaking wet jeans, trying to distract yourself— letting the sweat that piled up in them soak into the rain stained fabric. 

jay cocks his head, confusion obvious on his face, “because it is?” his voice comes out slow, like he’s trying to process your words still, trying to understand you. you keep your gaze fixated on the window beside you. your lack of response makes him scoff. “you don’t have to pretend with me, y/n.” 

you hate that everytime he says your name a shock spirals down your spine. you wish that you could so easily not pretend with him. like you could rip off that mask you put on when you’re around everyone else— the mask that you weren’t even properly aware of until recently. yet, jay seems like he’s known of that mask forever. he knows that you’ve been shrinking yourself to fit into ruby’s shadow. but he must understand that it’s hard when you’ve spent your entire life doing that— being the calm and reasonable one to the girl that’s known as a chaotic, out of control mess that’s always the centre of attention. you swallow harshly at the thought of being unmasked around jay— like maybe he won’t even like you as much as he thinks he does. 

before you can mentally spiral more, jay is pulling up the curb outside of your apartment building. part of you is relieved to get out of this car where you feel so exposed, but the other part is wishing you’d do what jay is telling you to— to be yourself, to stay in this car longer like you really want to. 

you glance at jay briefly before your fingers wrap around the car door handle, ready to push it open and jump out. 

“why do you always look at me like you’re trying to not want me?” 

jay’s voice stops you, your body frozen as you face away from him, completely turned to the passenger side door to get out of here. but his words hit you like a truck— because it’s true and no one has actually voiced a thought you had thought about so many times before. you take a deep breath and turn your head over your shoulder to face him, still trying to keep your face expressionless, as if that’s gonna deter him in any way. 

jay’s hand lands on top of yours that’s resting on the centre console, like his hand is going to keep you there for longer. “if you want me y/n, then say it. show me who you are, what you really want.” 

your heart literally feels like it’s going to beat out of your chest. you want to say it so bad— that you do want him, and that you’ve wanted him for a while, even if that makes you a terrible friend. your fingers twitch under his hand, thinking about what you should do. what would you really do in this situation? 

fuck it. 

before you can mentally talk yourself out of it and hide in the shell that you’ve created for yourself, you lean over the centre console and push your lips onto jay’s. he doesn’t hesitate to kiss you back. his lips latch onto yours and pull you closer to him. your hand drops from the car handle, turning your entire body to him. jay doesn’t think twice about slipping his hands under your sweater, cupping your breasts. he doesn’t mind that your skin is cold and wet against him. you’re body is chasing his to get warm and to feel like you’re understood and seen, if only for a few minutes. 

“take off your pants,” jay speaks against your lips, pulling away for a second to look at you before he smashes his lips back onto yours. “now.” 

you kiss him more time before you practically force yourself to stop. your hands shake with anticipation as you unbutton your rain-soaked pants and slide them off your legs onto the car floor. jay helps you take off your heavy and wet sweater, tossing it on the floor with your pants into one soggy pile that neither of you can care about right now. 

“want your lips on my cock,” jay confesses, almost desperate as his gaze flickers between your eyes and your lips, already swollen from kissing him. 

without thinking twice, your hands reach down to his jeans, unbuttoning them quickly. you hear him chuckle dryly as he watches your hands move swiftly, wanting to free his cock just as much as he wanted you to. 

you pull his warm cock out of his pants, the veins starting to protrude as his cock hardens. 

“spit on it,” he tells you, pushing your head down over his cock. you do as he says, pursing your lips to let a glob of spit land right onto his cock. he hisses at the feeling of it. jay wraps his hand around his cock, keeping his eyes on you as he starts to jerk it, using your spit and half naked body to get him hard enough for you to take him into your mouth. 

you get on your knees on the passenger seat to lean over jay’s lap to be able to fully get his cock stuffed into your mouth. jay glances around outside once to make sure no one’s around, but it’s dark out and it’s pouring rain and his tinted windows are enough for people to not see much of anything with this weather. 

you lean down and slide his cock into your mouth until he hits the back of your throat, causing jay to groan out at once as he stares down at where his cock disappears. you wrap your hand around the base of his cock that doesn’t fit into your mouth, making your hand work in sync with your mouth as you start to bob up and down. 

“fuck, that’s it.” jay groans above you. he grabs a handful of your hair in his hand, making a makeshift ponytail for you and him so he can get a better view of you. the car is filled with the faint sound of the heat running and slurping from your mouth working his cock in and out of your mouth. 

your lips suckle on his tip, making his hips buck up from the seat below him. you keep your eyes closed as you focus on making him feel good. you hollow your cheeks, letting the soft, inner skin of them massage around his cock as you shove the tip further and further into the back of your throat. 

“that’s good, oh god,” jay groans out above you. he brings his fingers to mouth, spitting on them before he reaches over behind you and pushes your panties to the side, wetting your pussy with his spit before he shoves two of his fingers inside you. you whimper around his cock at the sensation, making him buck up into your mouth again, wanting more of you. 

jay’s fingers start to slowly push in and out of your pussy, warming you up for his cock that he plans on stuffing you with soon. yet he doesn’t want to distract you from your mouth work on his cock. 

you keep bobbing your head up and down his cock, your spit covering his entire cock and dribbling down onto his balls. you’ve successfully gotten him hard and needy with every vein in his cock protruding. the top of his cock red and slick with not only your spit, but his pre cum that tastes like salt but sweet on your tongue. 

“fuck okay, get in the back.” jay pulls your head up off of his cock, letting go of your makeshift ponytail. you start to climb into the back seat, laughing when jay smacks your ass. jay crawls after you, sitting down on the seat and he pulls his jeans and boxers off of his legs before he pulls you over top of him to straddle him. your knees are on either side of his lap, resting on the leather seats of his bmw. 

you sit up on your knees, letting jay align his cock with your pussy, pushing your panties to the side again to make room. jay teases your weeping pussy with the head of his cock, gathering more of your juices to slide right in. he holds onto your waist as you slide yourself down onto his cock— both of you groaning out into the car as his cock reaches your cervix. your eyes roll to the back of your head as you take his cock at this angle. 

you move your hair out of your face before you lean over jay’s chest, keeping your head above his as you start to rock your hips back and forth. jay keeps his hands on your ass, squeezing the skin there as he helps you set a pace. 

“this good?” he asks you, wanting to make sure you were okay with this position. 

“god, yes,” 

jay smirks before he starts to lift you up over his cock before moving your hips back down, taking his cock fully back inside of you. he’s completely dominating, controlling when and how your hips move over his cock. like he’s using your pussy to get off. 

your hands land on the top of the car seat behind jay’s hand, holding yourself up so let jay use your pussy to make both of you feel good. he starts shoving you down his cock harder, the skin where your pussy and cock meet slapping and filling the car. your moans start to pick up the faster and harder he drops your hips back down over his cock. the tip of his cock jabbing your g spot every time from this angle. 

“fuck, wait,” jay gasps out as he keeps you still over his cock, holding your waist as he moves to lay sideways across the back car seats, using the door to keep him upright. you move to keep your feet against the seats now to hold you up instead of your bent knees. you’re hovering over him with his cock still lodged deep inside of you. “there, you have more room now.” 

you smile down at him sweetly before kissing him, your lips brushing against each other hungrily. jay keeps alternating his hands from your waist and ass, gripping your skin roughly. you start using the seat below your feet to help bounce yourself up and down on his cock. 

“oh god,” you moan out, your hand landing on the cool window by jay’s head. you find it hard to keep your lips off of jay’s. both of you moaning into each other’s mouths as you fuck yourself down onto his cock. 

your clit is rubbing against his lower abdomen every time you bounce and it only edges you on further, despite the burning feeling in your knees already. 

“fuck, that’s it,” jay encourages you, keeping his eyes locked onto you as he watches you bounce on his cock. his hand lands hard on your ass, making you squeal as you keep riding him. “show me how bad you can be, baby.” you moan out at his words, the burning in your stomach growing as you want to prove to him that you’re more than just a good girl— that you’re more than what ruby portrays you as. 

with the fuel that’s being added, you push back away from jay, your body and elbows landing onto the centre console behind you. your legs are wrapped around jay’s waist as he still sits on the backseat, but your body is laying back, using the centre console as a platform to hold your back up. 

jay groans as he grabs your waist, your pussy out on display for him now that your knees are bent and wrapped around his waist. he can see your folds glistening and wet and suctioning his cock in. your clit is enlarged and throbbing, just begging for him to do something about it. 

you push your shirt up so your breasts are revealed, your nipples perked and hard from the cold rain. jay doesn’t waste a second and reaches out, grabbing a hold of them. “fuck, i love your tits.” his voice is husky now as he stares right at them, massaging them in his hands, “most perfect tits i’ve ever seen.” you moan out, your hips rolling over his cock, wanting him to move. he smirks at your desperation, but does what you want. he starts to fuck his cock into you now having the perfect view of your pussy, tits and face. 

“oh god, that feels so good,” you groan out, your eyes rolling as his cock fills you up again and again. jay’s eyes can’t stay in one place for long, scanning all over your body as his hips slide back and forth. you’re on display for him in the backseat of his car where you’re his complete centre of attention. 

jay spits on his fingers again before he smears it on your clit, wetting it more so his thumb can rub perfect circles over it. “fuck!” you cry out, eyes squeezing shut as jay increases the pleasure you’re feeling. 

“yeah, baby? you like this?” jay nods at you, “like being fucked in my car? where anyone walking past can see you.” 

“mm, yeah, i love it.” 

jay smirks down at you, “yeah? you want people to see you spread out for me, showing me your wet fucking pussy?”

“y-yes, god it’s so wet, jay.” 

“fuck, baby i know, i know,” jay grits his teeth as he focuses on the feeling of your wet walls squeezing around him, letting his cock fuck up into them, stretching them out. “only sluts get this wet at the thought of people seeing them. is that what you are? a slut?”

jay’s cock is fucking so far into you, his ass is above the seat so he can get his full cock into you every single time he thrusts forward. he keeps one hand on your nipple, squeezing and tweaking it whilst his other hand rubs circles into your clit. he’s working your entire body as your pussy fucking sucks him in, massaging his cock and milking him, just begging for him to cum. 

when you don’t answer his hand on your nipple smacks your face, making you look up at him, making eye contact with him. his and your eyes match— they’re both filled with lust and need and desperation. “answer me— are.” jay fucks hard into you with every word, “you. a fucking. slut?” 

“yes!” you cry out, “oh god yes! i’m a slut— just for you, i’m your fucking slut.” your elbows on the centre console drop as you lean your back and head back so your head is basically in the front seat again. your hands grab your breasts, massaging them and pinching your nipples so hard for the pleasure to shoot down your body. 

“oh fuck, you’re so fucking sexy.” jay grunts out, his hands grabbing your waist, fucking into you harder and harder as he watches your hands play with yourself as your head stays thrown back on the centre console, completely consumed in the pleasure. 

jay leans over and spits directly onto your pussy, making you moan out at how easy his cock slips inside of you now mixed with his warm spit. your legs are completely spread for him, your one foot on the door whilst the other one is spread across the back seat. you look and feel like such a whore for him, just for him. 

he reaches over your body, your hands interlocking over your breast as your and his hands squeeze it together. it’s a sense of intimacy as you hold hands whilst he pounds into you. it only fuels the desire you have for him— to prove to him that you aren’t some good girl that might break. 

jay’s car is filled with both of your moans, feeding off of the pleasure you’re both giving each other. “fuck you’re pussy is so tight,” jay groans out, like it’s truly unbelievable how tight your pussy is wrapping around him. like it’s enticing him to fuck you hard and faster until you’re screaming out for him. 

“choke me,” you moan out, voice desperate and airy as you look up at him. 

jay does what you ask of him, his hand wrapping around your neck tightly, blocking your airway from breathing correctly. “like this, slut? you like it like this?” 

“y-yes,” you manage to moan out, your eyes locked with his as his hand is wrapped around your neck. 

jay groans out at the sight before him, “god you’re so hot,” 

you smile at him through the pleasure and the lack of air reaching your brain. you can only focus on jay right now. the way he’s panting and moaning as he fucks into you. the sweat that’s dripping around his head as the car gets warmer and warmer with both of your heavy breathing plus the heat is still on from when you first got into his car. the windows around you are fogged up, you can barely see outside of them. the air is filled with the smell of sweat and sex and jay’s cologne. 

“fuck, c’mere,” jay lets go of your neck and instead pulls you up against him by wrapping his hands around your back. he sits up against the back of the seat and wraps you around his lap so you’re straddling him again. your hands grab onto the head rest behind him as he presses you chest to chest with him. 

you whine when you feel his shirt’s fabric against your half naked chest, “take this off.” your hands pull on the bottom hem of his shirt. jay snickers under his breath but does what you want, pulling the shirt off of himself, leaving him completely naked underneath you. 

you don’t stop yourself from dragging your hands down his bare chest, warm and firm under your touch. you think back to all the times you had seen him shirtless, walking around ruby’s apartment or all the times you went to the beach together. how every time you saw him you wanted to rub your fingers over his skin, familiarize yourself with all his moles and textures. and now that you’re actually able to, you don’t know how you can ever not touch him. 

jay grips your wrists suddenly, pulling them back behind him so your arms wrapped around his neck and he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you into a hug as he shifts his hips underneath you slightly, causing his cock to brush against your gspot again. before you can complain that he’s been still for too long, he starts to pull out of you just to pump back into you over and over again. he sets a steady pace, pushing his hips up from the seat so he can fuck up into you. 

your arms stay interlocked with one another around his neck, your forehead leaning onto his as he fucks you. you keep your eyes on his as he stares up at you. his usual light brown eyes are dark and slanted as he grimaces from the pleasure. 

jay keeps you tight against him, chest to chest, as he fucks you hard. you’re forced to stay still and take it. his bmw is filled with the sounds of your moans and skin slapping roughly. everytime he groans underneath you your pussy clamps harder around his cock, encouraging him to keep going. and jay doesn’t plan on stopping anytime soon. 

jay’s not an idiot. he’s been aware that you’re hot, but he’s been aware that you’re ruby’s best friend. which strictly meant off limits in the dating world. but now that he’s pretty much done with ruby right now and you’re more than ready to take his cock, he doesn’t care about rules. the way your pussy grips his cock is enough for him to not stop. 

jay unlocks you from his trapped hug, letting you have space between your bodies. he doesn’t waste a second before he’s leaning forward to wrap his lips around your breasts. he sucks on them and bites them, coating them in his saliva that leaves your skin cold from the air when he pulls away. 

“c’mon, keep going,” jay slaps your ass, “bounce on my cock like the whore you are.” 

you moan out in response but brace yourself on your knees as you start to bounce up and down on his cock. it feels so good and the pleasure has been boiling in your body and your need and lust for jay has been suppressed for so long that you start bouncing feverishly. you’ve wanted jay for so long, and you know it’s wrong but now that you’ve had him not only once, but twice… you don’t know how once this is over you will be able to stop yourself from going back for thirds. 

because jay obviously makes you feel physically good— his cock hits all the right spots inside you, his fingers rub circles on your clit that have you mewling out and his complete attention on you when you fuck has you spiraling. but jay also makes you feel seen. and that’s something that you’ve always wanted. being with jay feels different from being with anyone you’ve ever met. and that’s dangerous. 

you put both of your hands on his shoulders for leverage as you start to ride his cock faster. he keeps his hands on your waist to help hold you steady, his eyes are entrained on you as he watches you work your way up and down his cock. your hair is becoming a mess as you fuck yourself faster and faster on his cock. your jaw stays agape as you feel his cock slide in and out of you, your juices and his saliva making your core a complete mess. 

“shit,” jay moans out, his eyes looking down at where your bodies connect, watching you bounce on him so desperately. he knows you want him to feel good, that you’ll do anything for him to cum, and it only makes the knot in his stomach tighten more. “that’s it baby, ride me like that. ride your best friend’s ex until you cum.” 

“oh god,” your grip on his shoulders tightens at his mention of ruby. the guilt and shame you feel only add to the pleasure as you glide your pussy up and down his cock over and over again. there’s sweat dripping down your forehead in the cramped backseat of his car. 

jay’s hand meets your face, slapping you so you look at him. he grips your jaw, keeping your head still as his fingers sink into your cheek’s flesh that he just smacked, “you think people would still think you’re an innocent good girl if they saw you right now, hm?” jay’s voice is dark and husky when he speaks. “the way you’re so desperate to bounce on my cock?” 

“n-no,” you whine out, your hair half fallen into your face, sticking to your forehead from your sweat. 

“and why not?” 

“b-because i’m a slut.” 

jay’s hand slaps your face one more time, “that’s right, you’re a fucking slut.” 

before you can fully comprehend it, jay is pushing you off of his lap, his cock sliding out of you. he pushes you down onto the seat next to him, your face and chest flush on to the seat. he moves so he’s kneeling behind you, pulling your hips up in the air so your pussy and ass are on complete display for him. your ass is pink from his hands slapping and gripping the flesh. your pussy is stretched and agape as it tries to clamp down around nothing. 

“ah fuck, look at this pussy,” jay groans out as he reaches his fingers down to the flesh. you jolt as he touches your swollen and red lips, covered in your juices in a complete mess. “it’s so swollen, so needy and pathetic.” 

“mhm,” you nod your head against the leather seat as you look back over your shoulder at him. 

jay glances at your face, pulling his lips into a smirk, “yeah? you’re pathetic and needy for me? for my cock?” 

“yes, jay,” you’re quick to agree with him, because it’s true. “i need you so bad, please.” you wiggle your hips back, trying to get him to put his cock back inside of you. 

you hear him curse under his breath one more time before both of his hands come down onto your ass, making you jolt forward with a cry as he spanks you again. the pain only adds to the pleasure you feel in the pit of your stomach. 

before you can complain and beg for his cock again, jay forces his cock back into your hole. you’re so wet that it slides in so, so easily. he’s stretched you out perfectly. like his cock fits exactly in your pussy. 

jay grabs your waist from behind, holding you still as he starts to ram his cock in and out of you from behind. you put one of your hands on the car door above your head so you don’t hit your head. a cry escapes your lips as his cock starts to hit your gspot from a new angle. it feels even better somehow. 

everytime he slides his hard cock back into you his soaked balls slap against your clit. the noise your bodies make every time they meet is so ludicrous, straight out of a porno. 

“is this what you wanted, baby? for me to fuck you like the real slut you are?” jay asks from behind you, his voice rough as he demands an answer from you.

“f-fuck yes!” you cry back, your eyes straining to remain open as he fucks you harder and harder, your body jolting forward everytime his hips meet yours. 

“say it then,” jay’s hand hits your already red ass cheek again, “say you want to be fucked like a slut.” 

“i- i want to be fucked like a slut, like y-your slut.”

you hear jay groan at your words, his pace picking up speed as he drills his cock in and out of your sopping pussy. both of you can feel your warm walls start to become sporadic around his cock. your desperation for him showing as your pussy sucks him back in everytime he fucks back into you. it’s getting harder and harder for jay to even pull back out from how tight and warm and wet your walls are around him. it’s like truly heaven for him. 

“fuck, you’re such a whore for me,” jay groans out, “the way your pussy is fucking dripping, so fucking messy.” 

you can only moan harder in response, your lungs filling with pleasure as he fucks into you at just the perfect pace and intensity. it’s all you ever wanted from him. you can’t remember all of the times you’ve thought about him fucking you like this, rough and needy and risky. there’s so much on the line right now, if anyone walked too close to his car right now, if ruby somehow found out. the risk only makes your pussy burn more for his cock. 

you can’t take it much longer anymore and you slip your hand in between your body and the car seat, your fingers landing on your swollen, wet clit and start rubbing circles on it, bringing yourself closer to the edge. you hear jay chuckle darkly behind you as he keeps up his drilling pace. he reaches over your back, his hand cupping the back of your neck so it’s pinned against the car seat below you, trapping your head from moving and decreasing the amount of oxygen to your brain once again. your eyes roll to the back of your head, the pleasure taking over your body everywhere with jay’s scent surrounding you. 

“yeah, that’s it,” jay’s voice is breathless by your ear as he hovers over your back, his chest pressed into you, “make yourself cum on my cock, baby, please,”

jay’s plead for you to cum sends you spiraling and it only takes a few more thrusts of his cock to send you over the edge, finally. you feel like you’ve been holding back your orgasm since he first slid his cock into you. that’s how much power he has over you. just a simple touch from jay can send one million shocks of pleasure through you at a time. 

your body felt like it was on fire as the orgasm ripped through you. your scream fills the car and you hope no one is walking out in the rain beside the car right now. your pussy clamps down tight around jay’s cock as you cum, getting wetter as your juices drip around his cock delved deep inside of you. 

“fuck, baby that’s it.” jay groans out as he feels your pussy around his sensitive cock. your pussy feels like velvet to him and he doesn’t know much longer he can last. 

with your body still shaking from adrenaline and pleasure, jay rips his cock out of you. your body is weak and limp and he rolls you over so you’re on your back and facing him. 

“please let me cum on your face, please baby,” jay’s eyes are pleading as his hand starts to stroke his cock fast, his cock soaked in your juices. 

“please,” you whimper out, mind still hazy but you sit up your elbows to watch him, “please cum jay, i want to taste your cum so bad.” your eyebrows are furrowed together as you look up at him. “make a mess of my face, please.” 

your begging for his cum is enough for him as he lets out a loud grunt before strings of warm, white cum come out of his red tip and land all over your face. there are strands by your lips, your cheek and one singular one on your forehead. you moan out at the feeling of his warm cum on your face. like he’s marked his territory on you. 

jay’s hand slows down it’s movements on his cock as no more cum comes out, his whole chest is heaving from his high. 

“oh fuck,” he grunts out. his body is weak but he leans down and presses his lips onto yours harshly for a quick second before pulling back to look at the mess he made on your face. “you look so hot.” 

you can’t help but giggle at his compliment. you feel wet and sticky and sore everywhere, but the way jay is looking at you keeps you awake and alert. no one has ever looked at you the way jay is looking at you right now. like you’re the centre of the universe to him. 

jay reaches out and swipes each strand of his cum off of your dewy skin before he tells you to “open”. he shoves his fingers of cum into your mouth. you wrap your lips around his fingers as you moan at the taste of his salty cum filling your mouth. your tongue circles his fingers, wanting to get every last drop of cum off of his fingers. 

when you’re done he takes them out of your mouth, keeping a soft smile on his lips before he leans back down over you, kissing you again. he moans into the kiss, tasting himself on your tongue. you let his tongue explore your mouth for a while even though your knees and ass cheeks are sore. if it means that you’ll be close to jay for longer than you don’t care about the pain. 

jay reaches to the floor of his car and picks up his shirt to wipe down your legs and core. you laugh when he wipes your face off of any remaining cum. it feels intimate and normal to laugh with each other whilst naked. 

jay fumbles around for an extra sweater he can put on and slips his jeans back on before he gives you your own clothes. he opens the backdoor and steps out into the rain for a second when you start fixing your shirt and pulling your jeans back on just to get in the driver's seat again. jay reaches over the centre console to pick up your bag and wet clothes before he tosses them to you in the back seat. 

“you good?” jay turns to the back to look at you, he has a light, amused look on his face. 

“yeah, i’m good.” you respond softly, pushing your messy hair behind your ear. 

jay smiles at you, “you should go, before someone sees.” 

his words make your fake world shatter as reality sets back in. that this isn’t the fantasy land where you’re dating jay and aren’t some little good girl that does everything ruby says. that everything that just happened in this car is just between you and jay. a secret. 

“okay,” you can’t help how weak your voice goes, physically drained from the sex but emotionally hurt. 

“i’ll text you,” jay nods, like he’s promising that he won’t forget you, and that there’ll be more. 

you repeat your soft okay, pulling your bag over your shoulder as you step out of the backseat and out into the rain that hasn’t calmed down since he parked. you close the car door gently, like you’re scared any loud movements would pull you out of your fantasyland even sooner. 

you lightly jog up to your building’s door, the rain cold on your arms. jay doesn’t wait for you to get inside, his car is already turning onto another street by the time you look back to the road. 

when you’re done showering, cleaning off all the substances off your body and warming up from the rain, you can’t help but think about jay. you stare at your blurry reflection in the foggy bathroom mirror as you brush your teeth. how long will this thing between you and jay last for? 

you spit and put your toothbrush down, leaning on the palms of your hands over the sink as you stare at yourself. your mind is becoming tangled with jay and you and ruby. you know that you shouldn’t want jay as much as you do, that if ruby ever found out… it would ruin the best friendship you’ve ever had. 

but jay is involved, too. you think jay must want you, too, even a little. it’s just does he want more than sex with you, or does he want exactly what you want? you want to call him yours, and no one else's. you want more than secret sex that is only kept between you two. 

it’s wrong to think of your best friend’s boyfri— ex boyfriend like this, and you know it. but you can’t help the feeling that rushes through you when you think about the way he says your name, or when he calls you baby. you can’t help that all your nerves in your skin feel like they’re on fire when he touches you. or that he makes you feel understood and real. he’s the only person in this world that makes you feel like you’re worth something more than just ruby’s shadow. 

and it just so happens that he’s ruby’s ex boyfriend… you hope it can stay just between you and jay, at least just for a while.

although you were a health science major and jay was in finance, you both managed to have classes in the same buildings at your university. jay used to walk you and ruby to your classes before going off to his. he used to hold the door for you and ruby, always pressing a kiss into her cheek as she followed you into the classroom. 

but now that it’s been two weeks since jay and ruby have spoken (a world record), it’s you holding the classroom door for a depressed ruby, whose shoulders are always slack as she plops down into her seat. ruby used to be like the campus’ ray of sunshine. you always found it hard to have a conversation with her in the hallways because people would always be cutting in to talk to ruby. everyone on campus knew her. but now, there was a dark grey storm cloud over her head that would deter people away from her. 

before, it ruby’s head would always be on the lookout for jay, trying to catch a glimpse of him in the hallways before class until he’d come up behind her and link his arms around her waist. you’d always avert your eyes to their pda. it always caused a sinking feeling in your stomach that you just couldn’t ignore. 

ruby still looks for the jay in the hallways, but instead of longing for him she hides away. 

“tell me if you see that asshole, y/n.” ruby whispers to you on your way to physiology class, her head ducked down to your ear as she links her elbow with yours. 

you sigh, “ruby, are you really still hiding from him?” you give her an incredulous look. “it’s not like he’s gonna bite you or anything.” 

“ugh, i wish he would.” ruby shakes her head as she keeps her eyes forward. she misses the way you cringe at her words, unable to help the memory of the way jay’s teeth bite down on your inner thigh that gets forced into your mind. “at least then he’d acknowledge me somehow.” 

“still no text from him?” 

“no, not even a like on my insta.” 

you’ve seen ruby sulk before— like last summer there was a 50-50 chance if she’d be ecstatic or depressed every other day when her and jay were going through another one of their “rough patches”. but those moods never lasted as long as this one has. it’s gotten to the point that you’re seeing different sides of your best friend that you hadn’t even known existed. ruby has become more desperate and clingy. you hadn’t realized before how much her mood is affected by her relationship with jay. it’s like she’s fragile. 

“yo, jay!” a male voice calls from behind you. you feel ruby freeze beside you as you both see park wonbin behind you, coming closer as he keeps his gaze locked in the hallway in front of you— obviously searching for someone. 

“shit!” ruby lets out a sharp hiss before she darts into the girls’ washroom, leaving you standing alone in the hallway. 

you watch park wonbin walk straight past you, much like everyone else does when ruby isn’t with you. “jay, bro, where have you been?” wonbin continues, his hand reaching up as he aims to dab jay up who stands right in front of him now. 

you can’t help the way your chest tightens when you see that jay is fully turned in your direction, but his eyes don’t even flicker your way— they stay on wonbin. jay’s lips (that you’ve become pretty familiar with) upturn into his usual smirk as he meets wonbin. 

if jay turns his eyes to the right just a little bit he’d be able to see you. please. you mentally beg him to look at you. for him to acknowledge your presence in this busy hallway where you stand by yourself. 

“sorry, i slept in.” you hear him reply to wonbin, nudging wonbin’s shoulder away from him with his fist. 

“up late again last night,” you don’t see wonbin’s face but by the sound of his voice you can tell that it’s scrunched up into a playful tease. “who’d you fuck this time?” 

jay rolls his eyes, turning away from you as he starts to walk further down the hall with wonbin, “shut up, bin.” 

there’s like an elastic band wrapped around jay and your heart, and the further he walks down the hall, the smaller his head gets in  your vision before he turns the corner, the more the elastic band threatens to break. it’s squeezing so tight, fully stretched out until it snaps completely when he’s out of sight. but only your heart is affected, it gets hit from the elastic so hard it stings in your chest.

people keep walking past you in the hallway, weaving around you to not hit you, but they don’t look at you. no, they don’t look at you the way they look at ruby if she was in your position right now. and maybe that’s good for you, or else they’d be able to see the yearning that’s in your eyes as you stare at the last place you saw jay. 

a sudden hit to your shoulder has you breaking out of your trance. 

“oh! i’m so sorry!” a blonde girl puts her hand out to you to apologize, but she doesn’t wait for you to say anything, she keeps walking down the hall with the rest of her friends. 

you take it as a sign that you should go check up on ruby in the bathroom instead of waiting around, hoping for jay park to turn around. 

there’s no one in the girls’ bathroom except for ruby who stands at the mirror, wiping underneath her eyes to rub away the fallen mascara. you can tell she’s been crying when she looks at you. 

“did you see him?” ruby rushes her question out, her eyes wide. “did he say anything to you?” 

“no, he didn’t see me, he just kept walking with wonbin.” 

ruby’s eyes and lips frown at your response, turning back to the mirror to fix her makeup. you lean against the sink counter, watching her gently. 

“he didn’t even glance over?” 

you shake your head no. 

ruby lets out a bitter laugh as he stares at you through the mirror reflection. “you should’ve said something.” 

your eyebrows furrowed together, “said what?” 

“i don’t know, y/n!” ruby’s hands flare at her sides, “something! anything! for once.” 

you take a step back from her, not liking her anger that is obviously rising. “are you really gonna keep dong this, ruby?” 

“doing what?” she turns to face you, arms crossed over her chest as she stares down at you. 

“acting like there’s something i could’ve done to prevent jay from ignoring you.” 

you see red flash through ruby’s eyes quickly— but her expression fades just as quick. she drops her arms, looking at herself once more in the mirror. 

“whatever. we should get to class,” she mutters under her breath, walking past you to the door without looking back. 

you wait a second before following her.

you hadn’t been able to focus reading your textbook the past week since your apartment building was under construction, something about weak pipes on the roof. which meant that from morning to late afternoon all you could hear was relentless banging and drilling as the construction workers fixed the pipes. 

you really needed to get this week’s chapter read for your medical terminology class tomorrow though since your professor has spontaneously started giving pop quizzes for each chapter every week. and since ruby has basically been M.I.A after your physiology class a few days ago you can’t ask to study at her place. 

which leaves you to study at the campus library. 

you didn’t mind the campus library. you use to sit in the library for hours during your first year when your and ruby’s schedules barely lined up. you’d wait for her and jay to come find you after class, pulling you away from your study session to get you to go to some lame party with them. the librarians used to love you since you were always so quiet and didn’t cause any mayhem like a lot of the other students that would come in there. they used to greet you with a smile every time you’d walk in the door with your hands full of textbooks and paper. though, you remember the scowl on their face every time they’d see ruby and jay walk in to come get you. ruby never understood why everyone has to be quiet in a public library. 

you were halfway through the skeletal system chapter with your headphones in and hair pulled into a claw clip to keep your hair out of your face, when sudden warm fingers spread across the back of your exposed neck. 

you jolt upward, your hand flying to your neck as check behind you— catching the eyes of jay who walked behind you, a playful smirk on his face as he looks over his shoulder as he keeps walking past. he’s in a group with his friends, none of them aware of you or that jay had touched you. 

you can’t help the smile that spreads across your lips as you look at him, your bottom lip being caught in between your teeth as you try to mask the shyness that takes over you. jay winks at you before he turns back to his friends, all of them retreating to the far back of the library, out of yours and the librarians view. 

your hand stays on the back of your neck where jay had touched you. the nerves on the skin still tingling as you can feel where each one of his fingers had grazed you. your stomach felt like it had exploded with butterflies at the innocent touch. 

but it was more than that. 

sure, he hadn’t stopped to talk to you, but he had seen you. which is more than you can say from what happened in the hallway a few days ago. 

your textbook feels so unimportant now, spread open in front of you. your fingers dancing on the base of your neck, trying to keep the feeling of jay’s fingers there for as long as you can. you know you should really be able to focus on the types of bones in the hand and their functions, but now jay has completely taken control of your brain, once again. 

you wonder why he hadn’t taken the risk to tease you in front of his friends, in public. did it mean that he wasn’t afraid for his friends to know what you and him have done in his bed and in his car? you wish he would say something to you, but for now you’ll have to settle with his actions, trying to decipher what they mean. you decide that is enough for you for now, just knowing that jay sees you, even when ruby’s not around. he confuses you, but you figure it’s worth it if he makes you feel like you’re ontop of the world.

on thursday night, when the construction workers finally go home for the night, you plan on sitting on your couch watching reruns of love island and eating take out since you had two three hour lectures earlier. you just wanted to relax in your own home, in silence. 

but, since ruby is your best friend you should’ve figured that wouldn’t have worked out for you. 

even though it’s been days since you have seen ruby, when there’s a sudden knock on your front door you don’t doubt that it’s her. before you can even get up from your spot on the couch where you had planned to rot all night, the front door swings open, and sure enough, it’s ruby. 

“move over,” she huffs out, making you scoot over so she can sit on the couch beside you. she copies your previous position, putting her feet up on the coffee table in front of your couch and drapes the blanket over top of her lap so you’re sharing it. ruby wrinkles her nose when she sees maya jama on screen, announcing that there'll be another re-coupling tonight. “really? love island?” 

you shrug, “it’s entertaining, ok?” 

ruby rolls her eyes but doesn’t complain about your choice in television again. it’s the first time you’ve seen her in a while. you figured she needed space since your little argument in the bathroom, and all the stuff that’s going on with jay. usually you’d be worried if she hadn’t texted you in a while, even if the text was just about homework, but you didn’t seem to be bothered this time around. 

when all the couples are surrounding the firepit and maya jama reappears in another designer dress, ruby sighs before she turns to face you. 

“i’m sorry for ignoring you the past few days,” she starts and pulls her sweater’s sleeves over her hands. you notice that she’s hiding within herself, something she very rarely does. “i’ve been thinking about what you said in the bathroom last week— and you’re right.” your attention is fully on her at this point, though she can barely keep her eyes on yours without looking down at her lap. “i shouldn’t expect you to throw yourself in my and jay’s relationship. and i know that i’ve made you so involved in it and that’s not fair to you. i shouldn’t burden you with all of my relationship drama, i get like, if you’re super annoyed with it. i know i would be.” 

you softly smile at ruby, “you’re my best friend, ruby. i wanna be there for you, when you’re happy or sad or whatever. i just, i can’t control what jay does, and i know that’s frustrating but, i wish you would understand that i can’t make him do anything. he’s his own person.” 

ruby nods, “i know— i do understand. i guess, it’s just you’ve always been there throughout the entire time i’ve been with jay, so i guess it’s kinda like you’re a part of the relationship, too.” she dryly chuckles, but you can’t make yourself laugh. she glances at you warily and then continues, “i guess what i’m trying ot say is, i'm sorry for projecting my relationship problems onto you, or pressuring you or anything like that. i love you, you’re my best friend.” 

you open your arms up, “come here.” 

ruby smiles and scoots over the middle couch cushion to wrap her arms around you, your chins on each others’ shoulders. her familiar chanel perfume takes over your senses. 

“i love you, too.” 

ruby pulls back with a grin, “good, because tomorrow you’re coming to a party with me.” her voice jumps a few pitches, her eyebrows wiggling playfully. 

“what?”

ruby sits back on the couch with her feet propped on your coffee table, “yeah, i’m tired of sitting around all day crying about jay— i wanna go out! have fun again!” she reaches over to your lap, grabbing your popcorn bowl and starts eating a handful. “plus, he blocked me on everything so,” 

“what?” you gasp, leaning over her, jaw agape. “he what?” 

ruby rolls her eyes, “he fucking blocked me, on everything! he’s such a man child.” 

your fingers tangle into your hair on your scalp, trying to process what ruby is saying. jay and ruby have had some pretty awful fights, but they’ve never blocked each other on everything before. 

“why do you look so shocked?” ruby gives you a quizzical smile, “you know jay, you know how he thinks ignoring people says more than actual words.” ruby lowers her voice a few octaves to mock jay’s voice before she laughs, “he’s such an idiot.” 

your body feels limp as you sit back on the couch. you can’t help but feel a rush of guilt wash through you. was it your fault that he had blocked her on everything? have you really driven them apart? you try to think about what you had said to jay about ruby that could’ve caused him to cut ties with her like this, but nothing comes to mind. he doesn’t even let you say her name when you’re with him. 

“don’t look so worried, y/n, calm down,” ruby waves her hand at you before she takes another handful of popcorn into her mouth, “god, you’re lucky no one plays games with you like this. but, i guess no one’s ever obsessed over you anyway to wanna play games with you.” 

you cock your head, wanting to push her more about what she meant, but molly’s just been dumped from love island, making ruby scoff and shake her head. “i don’t even like, kady! why does molly have to go!” 

you know that you should feel better that things with ruby are okay again. she’s sitting on your couch complaining about reality tv with you and planning when to go out again. it’s like usual, but it’s not. 

the usual isn’t that you’re secretly hooking up with your best friends ex boyfriend. the usual usually includes jay being here with you, whether he’s fighting with ruby or making her giggle quietly. 

the usual doesn’t include you realizing your best friend makes you feel like shit— undesirable and unseen. it doesn’t include her ex boyfriend making you realize that you can shine without ruby. that you’re wanted. 

you stare at the tv without really watching it— you’ve seen it before, the islanders crying as they hug molly goodbye as zach looks shocked that she’s really leaving. you use to compare yourself to molly, almost having something you really want before it’s ripped away from you. but now you wonder if you’re more like zach, watching everything happen but not doing anything to stop it until he feels a quiet guilt that he can’t fix.

even though ruby is usually always late to class, she is never late when she has to pick you up to go to a party. so she’s pulled up outside your apartment right at 10pm sharp, texting you to come downstairs. you take one last look in the mirror before you leave, hoping that ruby doesn’t get too drunk today that you leave within an hour to take her home. that’s happened too many times before. 

but all those times before weren’t as bad since jay was with you and would help you walk ruby up the stairs to her apartment and tuck her into bed. if she would start throwing up then you would hold her hair as jay rubs her back. jay being there would definitely make the drunk ruby experience a lot better. 

but tonight, there would be no jay to help you with her. 

as soon as you got in the car and started driving to the party, you knew that tonight might be one of those nights where you leave early and have to physically push ruby up the stairs and get her into bed since she’d be totally incapable of doing it herself. 

“i’m just so tired of thinking about jay!” ruby waves her hand dismissively, “i want to have fun tonight okay! so let’s dance all night okay, y/n?” 

you smile at her, “sure, if you want.” but you know that once she starts drinking as soon as you get to the party that she won’t be able to stop and she’ll be dancing with anyone. 

you pull up to some house, with minimal lights on inside but you can hear the music from the front yard so you know there’s a party in there. plus there’s drunk people already on the porch, laughing and struggling to stand up by themselves. 

inside the house was crowded, probably one of the most crowded house parties you’ve ever been to in your life. it was a struggle for you to follow ruby into the kitchen, but she kept a hold of your hand and led you through it. you could hear people greeting ruby in front of yo, but you kept your head down, just trying to get through this crowd without being elbowed in the side. 

the kitchen was already a mess and the party hadn’t started too long ago. there were solo cups all over the table and opened bottles of vodka, and for some reason the tiled floor was soaked. 

“you’re are so taking shots with me tonight,” ruby squealed as she looked down at the variation of drinks. “shots? really?” you ask her, you had never been a fan of shots, plus it was hard to take shots when you always had to be the sober friend to look out for ruby. 

“yes! please,” ruby begs you, her eyes pleading for you to agree, “please c’mon, you know how hard it’s been for me recently.” 

you cringe at the mention of why she’s been so down recently, knowing that maybe you had a part in it. you take a glance at all the vodka and the different coloured shot glasses in front of you and you decide that maybe taking a shot would decrease the feeling of guilt that’s crawling up your throat. 

“fine, pour me one.” 

“yay!” ruby claps excitedly as she grabs a bottle and pours some of the clear liquid into four shot glasses. “two for you and two for me.” 

“what, two?” 

“yes duh! it’ll be fine, please.” 

you take a look at her sad, begging eyes for a moment, and then pick up both shot glasses, ignoring how ruby laughs triumphantly. you’ve never really been drunk with her before, so she so badly wanted you to be as wasted as her. on the count of three, both of you drink both of your shots consecutively, cringing at the bad taste. 

“ugh, here, hurry,” ruby’s face is scrunched up from the taste, and reaches over to get two cups, pouring some purple punch into them. she passes you one and you both eagerly down the punch, it’s fruity taste a lot better than the strong vodka shots. ruby cheers, her cheeks warm as the alcohol enters her system. she scoops some more punch into hers and your now empty cups, “let’s go dance!” 

you’re still processing the awful vodka taste in your mouth and the way the liquor felt as it goes down your stomach, but you follow ruby back into the crowded living room, holding tight onto your cup. 

ruby pulls you into some little circle that’s in the middle of the living room, greeting some people and hugging them. everyone is holding the same red solo cups as you and ruby. 

“this is my best friend, y/n!” ruby gestures to you in front of the group. “y/n, this is chaeryeong, dana and lexi.” 

you wave at them and mumble a hi under your breath and they do the same before they turn back to ruby. the girl who has long black hair, chaeryeong, grabs ruby’s arm with a serious expression. 

“did you see jay?” 

“what do you mean?” ruby cocks her head, confused. 

“jay’s here, ruby.” 

you see ruby’s face pale as she starts to look around. you have to refrain from looking around yourself. but unlike ruby, you’re looking around because you want to see him, not hide from him. 

“oh my god, why? i thought him and beomgyu didn’t get along,” 

the girl with the curly blonde hair, dana, shrugs, “i don’t know, i guess they made up. i know they’re both friends with wonbin, so.” 

ruby groans, “this sucks, i wanted to have fun tonight! not worry about my ex boyfriend lurking around.” 

chaeryeong puts a hand on ruby’s shoulder, “don’t worry, ruby, we can still have fun!” she turns and looks at you, “right?” 

you perk up as she includes you, “right, you said you wanted to dance ruby.” 

“oh my god, please!” ruby brightens up at the mention of dancing and turns back to the group, “have you guys taken shots or are you just drinking the punch?” 

“just the punch,” dana shows ruby her cup. 

ruby sighs, “come on then, let’s get you guys some shots!” 

before you can say anything else the three girls cheer and follow ruby back into the kitchen. you don’t have any other choice but to follow them, not wanting to be left alone in the middle of the living room. 

ruby starts pouring her three friends some shots, but you stay at the doorway of the kitchen, telling them that you’d prefer the punch instead. you stare back into the living room as dana and ruby start talking about their lab partners for physiology, something that you don’t care to talk about but chaeryeong and lexi seem interested in. 

the house is dark with the only light being from some lazily put up string lights and cheap disco balls. the music has seemingly gotten louder in the past twenty minutes since you’ve been here. you can feel the alcohol warm your stomach, starting to settle into your body. 

you hear ruby cheer again behind you, and you know she must’ve taken another shot. you wonder if any of ruby’s three friends will help you tuck ruby into bed later on. but with the way they’re drinking too, you doubt it. 

you start to think about how if jay were here he’d probably be telling ruby to settle down, or maybe they’d be fighting. but you would know that he’d still help you pack ruby into an uber later on. 

if you hadn’t known that jay was apparently at this party, you would’ve thought that you were hallucinating him from thinking about him too much when you suddenly see him on the other side of living room. he’s standing by the stairs, the fairy lights that are circled loosely around the stair rail hang behind his head, like a halo. 

it’s like he could feel your eyes on him because suddenly he starts looking around the room, turning away from his friend, until his eyes land on yours, still standing in the kitchen doorway. 

you freeze as you look at eachother, but a smirk spreads on jay’s face. his eyes land on your cup for a second, before they return back to your eyes. even from across a crowded room he makes you nervous. he has some dominant energy that takes over you. 

his friend starts talking to him again, making jay turn away from you for a second before he winks at you, then giving his friend his full attention. you think it’s partly due the alcohol, but your cheeks feel warm. 

“y/n,” ruby grabs your arm, turning you around, “let’s go dance!” 

you’re grateful that the house is so dark, or else ruby would’ve definitely commented on how red your cheeks are right now. 

“um, sure. yeah,” you nod at her, your mouth suddenly dry. if ruby looks out into the kitchen doorway right now, she’ll probably see jay. your chest tightens at the thought of what might happen if ruby and jay see each other right now. you’re assuming that jay is also drinking and ruby is on the way to becoming wasted, you wonder if they’d even be able to have a conversation. would they somehow make up after weeks of not talking? 

ruby’s grip on you tightens as she starts to pull you back into the crowded living room, chaeryeong, dana and lexi coming with you. they’re talking about something, but you can’t hear them over the music. you turn your head back to the stair rail where you had last seen jay, but he wasn’t there. your heart drops but you also feel relieved that he had moved, you didn’t want ruby to see him. 

you dance with the girls for a bit, trying to lean into the way the alcohol was making you feel. you finished another cup of your punch and were starting to feel the alcohol burn in the pit of your stomach. the music was sounding better, even if you didn’t know the songs. 

for a while, as you danced, you thought that ruby had control over herself. that she actually hadn’t drank that much. but as the hour prolonged with the five of you dancing in the middle of the living room, and your feet starting to hurt despite the alcohol numbing your lips, you could see ruby’s demeanor start to deteriorate. 

ruby started dancing more sloppily, smiling lazily and yelling loudly but slurred. she kept her hand on dana’s shoulder as she danced, to keep herself balanced. the other three girls were definitely more drunk than you, but they weren’t as drunk as ruby. you could see chaeryeong struggling to keep her eyes wide open, they wanted to fall into slits so she could try to see better but it obviously wasn’t working with the alcohol in her system. 

suddenly, ruby stopped dancing, dropping her hand from dana’s shoulder to cover her mouth. she was bent over slightly, her eyes wide as she started to push through the crowd of people. the four of you look confused at each other before you all start to follow ruby. you all call her name, wanting her to slow down, but it was no use. you all followed her up the stairs, leading to the second floor of the house. 

even though there was a girl about to walk into the bathroom, ruby pushed past her, practically falling onto her knees in front of the toilet. the bit of panic you felt stopped when you saw that she was running away just to throw up. dana is quick to pull ruby’s hair into a makeshift ponytail and chaeryeong turns on the ceiling bathroom light so you could actually see something. 

the poor girl that was pushed out of the bathroom for ruby to vomit was standing there in shock, her jaw dropped with a look of disgust on her face as she watched ruby continuously throw up into the toilet. 

“i’m so sorry,” you gush at the girl, your face scrunched up in embarrassment for some reason. 

the girl looks at you and then quietly laughs, “that’s ok, duty calls.” she gestures at ruby. 

you smile politely at her as the girl turns and starts to head back downstairs. ruby’s friends are all crowding the bathroom door, trying to check in on ruby. the bathroom is quite small though, so you can only stand in the hallway by the door. 

you’re trying to see if ruby is alright, but it’s hard to see through the other three girls. you see lexi turn on the tap, filling her red cup with water for ruby as ruby is still hunched over the toilet bowl. you think it’s time to leave, for ruby’s sake. 

but at least this time you lasted more than an hour. 

unexpectedly, a hand reaches out and grabs your arm and pulls you out of the hallway. you try to speak, to yell to the other girls for help, but another hand lands on your mouth, preventing you. they pull you into a bedroom that was right beside the bathroom, closing the door once you’re pulled in. 

you squirm in the person’s grasp, trying to get them to let you go, your heart picking up pace as you feel their presence behind you. your body is pushed up against the now closed bedroom door, and it’s only then that you see a pair of familiar, brown eyes looking into yours. 

though your body only relaxes when you hear jay’s annoying laughter in your eyes, “i got you good, huh?” he takes his hands off of you, taking a step back so he can take in your scared expression. 

you cross your arms over your body, “haha, very funny.” you speak sarcastically, not impressed by him at all. 

jay tsks at your annoyed face, “oh c’mon, baby, i just wanted to see you.” you tense at the nickname, looking back at the door subconsciously, not wanting ruby to hear him. “relax, they didn’t see me pull you in here.”

“well you’re lucky they didn’t, why would you do that?” your eyebrows furrowed together, concern laced on your face at the thought of anyone seeing you enter a room alone with jay. 

 jay shrugged, “because i wanted to see you.” 

you roll your eyes, “and you couldn’t do it in a more inconspicuous way?” 

jay smirks before he quickly pushes his body against yours, pinning you against the door and him, “no, not when you look so good tonight.” 

you try to push him off, to tell him that he’s being irresponsible, but his lips attach to your neck, pressing kisses into your soft skin. his body feels so warm on yours as his hands start to move down your body. 

“j-jay, we can’t!”

“why not?” jay mumbles against your skin, his hands playing with the hem of your dress, his fingers grazing your bare thighs. 

“because ruby is right next door,” you hiss at him, trying to get your voice to see unaffected by his actions. 

jay only smirks and starts to lift the bottom of your dress up, revealing your panties, “so? can’t you be quiet? or is my dick that good?” he laughs when you roll your eyes at him. 

“this is wrong, jay. she could hear!” 

“this entire thing is wrong, it’s been wrong— who cares if she hears?” 

you know he’s right. it’s been wrong since you stayed far too long in his apartment those weeks ago. it’s been wrong since the moment you sat on his lap and made out with him, since he’s made you cum in the backseat of his car. but maybe it’s been wrong since the moment he started dating ruby. the way he’s always been on your mind, how you always caught him staring maybe a second too long at you when ruby would leave the room. you think that maybe in a twisted way, you hooking up with jay at this party that his ex girlfriend brought you to, this was all right. 

jay feels you relax under his touch, and he knows that he’s won. that you’ll let him do anything to you, even hook up with him while his ex and your best friend is in the room right beside you. the rooms share a wall. she’s only meters away from you and jay. 

the thought of ruby walking in and seeing you with jay sends a shock down your body, making your arms grip onto jay’s shoulders as his fingers push your panties to the side are start to massage your clit in a circle. jay knows how you like it now, soft but fast. he knows you like to be teased. he knows what your pussy feels like when you cum. 

he knows too much about you for it to ever go back to how it was before. when it was him and ruby, and ruby’s best friend. 

you let out a sigh of pleasure as you melt into jay’s touch. his fingers starting to warm you up. you can both feel your pussy start to moisten at his touch. you both know how easy it is for jay to get you to soften. 

jay’s lips attach to yours, feverishly. his lips are rough against yours, making out with you against the door hastily. you don’t struggle to keep up with his pace, you let him guide you along. you let his tongue in your mouth, something that he’s done too many times before. like he can recognize every inch of your  mouth now. you don’t think your best friend’s ex should be able to do that. 

“fuck, we shouldn’t do this, jay,” you pull away slightly at the thought of ruby again. but jay’s fingers remain on your clit, circling it, getting your knees to start to quiver. 

“you always say that, yet you always let me touch you, always let me make you feel good.” jay’s voice deepens as he speaks, his fingers slowly becoming covered in your juices as your pussy gets wetter and wetter. there’s something about the risk of being caught, especially if it was by ruby, that sends you spiraling. it has your adrenaline pumping through your veins. “are you that addicted to my dick, y/n? can’t say no to it?” 

you whimper at his question, hating the way that he can so easily wrap himself around your mind, your thoughts. “y-yes, you know i love your dick.” 

jay chuckles dryly at you, not wasting a second to start making out with you again. the back of your head is pushed against the door behind you, your fingers clawing at jay’s black t shirt. his fingers start to pick up pace on your clit, rubbing it just the way you like it. the way that can make you cum the fastest. 

you moan into jay’s mouth, part of you thankful that his tongue is wrapped around yours so that ruby can’t hear you. you start to circle your hips more, trying to get jay to move even faster, trying to get even more of him. 

jay pulls away and looks down at your circling hips, his fingers disappearing under your panties and chuckles, “fuck you’re so desperate for me— you even risk getting caught by your best friend just to get my dick.” 

you nod, your hair becoming a mess on the back of your head from the friction against the cold door behind you, “i just want you in me so bad. please jay,” 

jay’s voice comes out in a growl, “fuck,” he takes his hand away from your pussy, ignoring the way you whimper out at the loss of his touch, “you drive me fucking crazy, y/n.” his hands grab your shoulders, moving you around to push you down on the bed. he’s quick to crawl on top of you, hovering over you with your dress still pulled up over your hips, your panties now having a wet stain on them from your juices. he groans at the sight, “you wear this short dress, stare at me with those doe eyes of yours from across the room— and then act surprised when i pull you in here?” jay hurriedly moves down your body with his lips, kissing the exposed skin of your neck, chest, arms and thighs. 

you try to defend yourself, but your voice is airy from the anticipation, “i, i didn’t think you’d fuck me here.” 

jay shakes his head, “you should’ve known that i can’t resist you, y/n… how can i resist my own personal slut?” 

you moan at the name, loving the way that he truly degrades you. the way it makes you feel powerful. like you have some control over him that no one else does. that you really make it hard for him to think of anything else. that you’re better than anyone else. 

“fuck, ok i can’t wait anymore— take off your panties for me,” jay nods at you, standing up and zipping down his jeans. 

you react quickly, lifting your hips off the bed to take off your underwear, flinging them on the floor. you keep your eyes on jay, his cock now being revealed as he pulls it out of his jeans. he’s already hard and dripping precum. you can tell that he must’ve been hard for a while, that your dress and your eye contact from across the room must’ve really turned him on. that he was telling the truth about him not being able to resist you. 

jay pushes you back down to the bed, his hands grab your thighs to force them open. he stays standing, his feet on the floor as he moves to align his cock with your dripping pussy. he’s being so rough with you, you both know that you trust him to make you feel good. that he knows what you like. 

“just be quiet— you don’t want ruby to hear, right?” jay grunts at you, staring right into your eyes as he glides his cock up and down your slick folds, gathering your sticky juices all over his dick. 

“right, right,” 

with that, jay slides his cock into you, not stopping until his cock hits your cervix. when he bottoms out he stays still for a moment, letting both of you adjust to his size. jay leans over your body, kissing you softly, gently. he pulls away after a minute, watching you flutter your eyes open to look at him again. he presses a kiss onto your forehead once before he stands up straight again. 

jay makes sure he has a tight grip on your legs, holding them up before he starts to pull out of you, so slowly. both of you moan at the feeling of your wet pussy allowing his cock to slide so easily in and out of you. he pulls all the way out so just the very, very tip of his cock is still inside of you, before he slams back inside of you. 

the harsh movement makes you cry out, shocking you from the surprise and the pleasure. 

“shh, baby— ruby’s right next door.” 

you cover your own mouth, trying to silence yourself as jay starts at a quick pace. jay’s hips move in a way that he’s sure makes his cock rub against your gspot. he hovers over you as he keeps your legs in the air. only his hips move as he fucks into you. his pants are just pooled at his ankles, both of you too desperate to get naked. both of you just need to feel each other, even with his ex girlfriend in the room right beside you. 

 “oh fuck, baby,” jay groans out, his eyes staring right at you as you keep your hand covering your mouth. your hand is successfully muting your moans, keeping your cover incase ruby or one of her friends overhears. you know this is wrong, fucking her ex boyfriend whilst she’s drunk next door. but it feels too good to stop. “is this what you wanted? wanted my cock soaked from your pussy?” 

“y-yes, fuck yes.” you answer as quietly as possible, a moan threatens to escape your lips but your hand covers your mouth just in time to silence it. 

even though you have to be quiet, and you and jay both know that you can’t control your moans too well, jay keeps talking to you, grunting out quietly in this random bedroom. “do you feel me in your tummy, baby? feel how fucking deep i am?” 

you nod against the mattress, your eyebrows furrowed together as jay fucks you deeper and deeper. his cock was so long and so hard. you could feel it in the bottom of your stomach every time he slid back in. it makes your eyes roll to the back of your head. the way your pussy takes him in so deep, clamping around it like it wants him to stay inside forever. 

your pussy keeps tightening around jay, his own pleasure making him lose control. jay suddenly moves so your knees are pinned to the bed, caging your head in with your legs. he’s bent you into a ball, your pussy squeezed together by your legs, making it feel even tighter for him. you keep your eyes on jay, no where else to look since your legs are beside your head. 

with the new position jay fucks deeper inside of you at a steady pace. he makes sure his cock slides all the way into your pussy before he slides back out. he wants his entire cock coated in your juices. he just loves how wet you get for him. he can already see your juices dripping out of your pussy. everytime he pulls almost all the way out of you, more of your juices dribble around your lips, spreading against your inner thighs. 

jay’s grip on the back of your knees stays firm as he focuses on fucking you. both of you hear your moans against your palm— your palm moist from your saliva and sweat. you’re trying your hardest to stay as quiet as possible. but a part of you wishes that you could scream just as much as you wanted right now. because jay was fucking you so deep and it felt so fucking good. you’ve never been fucked from this angle before. like he’s genuinely drilling into you as he hovers above you. 

“f-fuck,” jay’s voice is growling, he’s never felt this good in his life. he’s getting pussy-drunk just from the feeling of your pussy wrapped around him. just imagining his cock inside of you gets his mind foggy enough to not be able to think straight. so, being able to pound into you like this, keeping you still against the mattress as he fucks you, is enough to get him wasted. “i fucking love your pussy— it’s like it’s made for me.” 

you nod at him, your body starting to feel like it’s on fire from your orgasm slowly building and building. jay leans closer to you, looking straight into your eyes as he demands, “say it— say your pussy is made for me, say that it’s mine.” 

you take your hand off your mouth, clutching the blanket underneath you for support as jay keeps slamming into you. “my pussy is yours, fuck it’s only yours— just for you, just please don’t stop.” 

jay grunts, loving how obedient you are for him. you’ll do anything he asks and it drives him wild. “fuck i won’t stop, baby— love the way you let me use this pussy, especially when ruby is right next door, fuck.” 

you whimper out, reminding yourself that you have to be quiet. you bite down hard on your lip and grip the blanket underneath you tighter. if jay’s cock didn’t feel so fucking good inside of you you’re sure that your body would be sore from the position he has forced you in. if his hands weren’t pinning your knees to bend and stay right on the mattress on either side of your head, you’re sure that you’d whine from the loss of blood to your feet. but his cock is addicting to you— and by the way he’s groaning out quietly nonstop, you’re sure your pussy is addicting to him. that he can’t resist you. that he wants you and only you. 

“i’m close, baby.” jay confesses, his eyes slanted as the pleasure builds within him. he takes one of his hands off your knees and moves so his thumb is pressed right onto your swollen clit. he starts to rough fast and hard circles on it. his thumb swishes against you at the same pace as his cock fucking deep inside of you. 

you moan out quietly, biting your lip harder as you stare at jay. he looks so hot above you. he’s so focused on making you feel good and wanting to cum that his eyebrows are pushed together. he keeps his jaw flexed and he grits his teeth. it’s hard for him to be quiet too. 

“can i cum inside of you, baby? please?” 

“yes, yes please, jay.” you answer so quickly, “please cum inside of me, i want it so bad.” 

“fuck, be quiet baby, unless you want ruby to hear you beg for my cum, is that what you want?” 

you whimper out in response, “n-no, just want your cum dripping out of me, so bad.” 

jay growls again, your words having a strong effect over him. “okay, okay— just cum on my cock for me then? can you do that? does it feel good like this?” 

you nod, “y-yes, just keep rubbing my clit like that, please.” 

jay does what you ask, keeping his thumb steady on your clit with your legs still in the air. his cock keeps sliding in and out of you over and over again. “cum on my cock, baby. wanna feel your pussy cum on my cock.” 

with words send you over the edge, gripping onto his forearms to steady yourself as a huge wave of pleasure washes over you. your body spasms as your pussy clamps over his cock, the ball in your stomach snapping as you cum. jay moves quickly to cover your mouth with his hand, stopping you from screaming out. the orgasm that washes over you is powerful, the hardest you’ve ever cum before. your body feels like it's being electrocuted as you cum all over his cock. the entire time jay doesn’t stop from thrusting his cock in and out of you. 

“f-fuck baby, i- i’m cumming,” jay grunts out, and within seconds you can feel his warm cum coat your pussy. he fills you up right to the brim. he still doesn’t stop thrusting, making sure to cover you’re entire pussy with his cum. he fucks his cum into you, making sure to mark you. making sure to mark his pussy. 

jay doesn’t stop until you’re both panting and overstimulated. he keeps his cock lodged inside of you and finally drops your legs. your legs are limp and weak and fall right to the floor. jay leans over you, his own legs tired from standing over you this entire time. your chests are panting together, covered by clothes but you’re both sweaty and tired from cumming so fucking hard. 

jay slowly pulls out, both of you watching as his cum drips out of you, making even more of mess of your abused pussy. 

“fuck,” jay grunts out, “that’s so hot.” you whimper in agreement. jay leans over so his lips are almost against yours, “you’re such a slut for me, i love it.” you smile as he kisses you again. your mind feels foggy from the orgasm and the alcohol. jay pulls away and bends down to pull up his pants, button them again so he’s fully dressed. he sees your panties on the floor and picks them up, smirking as he touches the fabric. 

“hey, give me those,” you giggle at him, sitting up on your elbows to try to grab them from his hands. jay only bites his lip, glancing between your pussy, soaked in his cum and your panties. “jay?” 

“are you just gonna put these on? with my cum still in you?” 

you gulp, the thought relighting a fire in you at the thought. you, walking around the party with jay’s cum dripping out of you. talking with ruby while her ex’s cum coats your entire inner thighs. 

“give me them,” you repeat and stand up, easily taking them from jay. he watches you intently, curious about what you’re going to do. you bend down, stepping in your panties and sliding them back over your waist before pulling down your dress again. 

“fuck,” jay says breathlessly, staring at your hips, knowing his cum is there. knowing that if anyone saw it, they’d wonder whose it was. knowing that you have been marked by someone— by him. 

you laugh at his reaction, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, pulling him for another kiss. 

“i’ll see you, later?” jay looks down at you, his eyes beaming happily. 

“of course,” 

jay kisses your nose once more, before he opens the door and looks down the hall, making sure no one was around before he smiles at you once, closing the door after him so you’re left alone in the bedroom. you look back at the bed, seeing that it’s a complete mess now from your squirming against it. you glance in the mirror briefly, patting down the back of your hair, wiping the fallen mascara under your eyes from the tears of your orgasm. 

when you’re ready, and when you think it’s been long enough for people to not assume you and jay were in here together, you open the bedroom door and step into the hall. you first look at the bathroom right beside you. the door is completely closed now, but you can see that the light is still on it, the light shining through the cracks around the door frame. 

you take a deep breath, glad that ruby wasn’t standing right there. 

just as you think ruby went downstairs again, or maybe even left from throwing up, the bathroom door opens and ruby steps out. her hair is a mess and you can tell she had just been sick. 

“oh, y/n, thank god,” ruby says, letting out a long sigh, “i was so worried, i know you don’t drink a lot so i thought you had gotten lost!” 

“you were worried, about me?” you repeat, trying to understand. 

“well yeah, one second you were there and the next you weren’t! i didn’t know what had happened to you! chaeryeong and dana went looking for you!” 

“oh,” you can’t help but look taken aback, “i was just downstairs, i got lost in the crowd, you know.” 

ruby pouts, “aw, i’m sorry! i threw up,” 

you pretend like this is news to you, a false look of concern on your face, “oh no, are you okay?” 

ruby shrugs, “i guess, i think i shouldn’t drink for a while.” 

you try to not roll your eyes at her. you’ve heard this exact sentence from her a million times before. 

“maybe you’re right. should we get you home then?” 

ruby smiles and links her elbow with yours, “yeah that sounds good, do you wanna make ramen when we get home? i’m so craving it right now,” 

you laugh at her, “what? you just threw up!” 

ruby shrugs, “so? it tastes good,” 

“whatever, but if you throw it up, don’t complain to me about it.” 

ruby boops your nose with her finger, “never.” 

on the way out of the house, you meet eyes with jay who’s sitting on one of the couches. you give each other a look that no one else would understand. no one knows what secret you’ve been keeping together. or that his cum is currently dripping down your leg. 

ruby pulls you out of the house before you can stare too long at jay, or trip over the crumpled carpet from not paying attention. and even though ruby doesn’t stop talking to the uber driver the entire time home, you don’t listen to a word she says, you don’t think the uber driver listens either. 

the feeling of jay’s cum drying to your inner thighs and pussy has you squirming in your seat. it had a thrill of excitement and risk swelling in your body. you’re glad ruby was still drunk or else she would’ve noticed your demeanor. 

even though it’s only been less than an hour since your hook up with jay, you can’t stop repeating it over and over in your head. he was the perfect mix of rough and gentle. the way his lips feel on yours still tingles on yours. you drag your finger over your bottom lip, drawn to the feeling. 

 jay’s proposal of seeing you later runs through your mind. he actually wants to see you again. the way he was so eager and desperate to fuck you tonight has you spiraling. the way he called your pussy his. like, he actually wants you to be his. 

it’s a dangerous thought that’s grows in your mind, but you can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, jay wants exactly what you want. 

since the party, you’ve not only wanted more of jay’s touch, but you’ve craved more of the feeling that you get when you’re with him. the feeling like you can do anything you want now that you know who you truly are. that you’re not meant to be someone else’s shadow— you’re meant to be the light that causes a shadow.  

you used to pray for the construction workers to speed up the work they were doing on the roof of your apartment building, but if their slow work meant more opportunities for jay to slip his hand underneath your skirt in the back of the library, then you hope they take months. 

though jay’s fingers fucking in and out of you made it hard for you to focus on how micro organisms affect how diseases spread in the human body, you didn’t mind since it got jay close to you. it got you to realize that you can do something that doesn’t fit the “good girl” persona ruby has forced onto you. that you can make your own decisions. 

you spent more nights at his apartment, which let you sleep in longer since there was no power tools to wake you up. it let you and jay explore each others’ bodies more. it let jay be able to find your gspot perfectly every single time he entered you. he got you to come undone faster and faster every single time. you got to familiarize yourself with each and every vein that protruded off his hard cock. you know which parts of your tongue he likes to feel most wrapped around the tip of his cock as you suck him dry. 

it let you and jay have more lazy morning sex before you both had to get up for class— even if that lazy morning sex was disrupted by his friends banging on his front door. the rush of adrenaline that you got as you snuck out of his apartment half naked with his bite marks on your chest and thighs as he distracted his friends with something in the kitchen.

the craving for the feeling and the physical pleasure jay gives you got you to text him in the middle of class telling him you need to feel his warm cum drip down your pussy in the back of his car in twenty minutes or else you will explode, with ruby right beside you. the feeling of finding yourself and sex was available whenever and wherever you wanted was addicting and possible if you kept it a secret. 

at first, the high jay was able to give you felt like this all was the right thing to do to break out of the shell ruby has tricked you into. that doing something so out of question for you would help you grow as a person. but everytime jay pulls out of you and you walk home with your panties still left on jay’s bedroom floor, that achy craving feeling of the loss of that high gets more detrimental and inevitable. 

when you have jay’s full attention, it feels like you can do anything, like you’re the centre of the world. the things he tells you and whispers in your ear just before he makes you cum for the one hundredth time. it makes you feel like you have everything you ever wanted— that you have jay. 

but the truth is that you don’t have jay, not the one you want anyways. 

you don’t want to sneak around with him, only being able to feel like this true self of yours when you’re alone with him. you want to be able to hold hands with him down the hallways at school, to dance with him at parties and hang out with his friends. stuff that he used to do with ruby. 

you don’t want to stop what you have with jay, it feels too good when you’re with him, but it feels so bad when you’re not. you used to be able to enjoy being alone, you almost preferred it sometimes. but now it feels like the world is about to crash down when you’re left with yourself. like you don’t know who you are when you’re not in some secret world with jay that you and him have built. 

at first this used to feel empowering, but now it feels like you’re pretending. that when you’re with jay you have to put on this persona that you’ve created just for him to be able to stand being around you. that without this persona jay wouldn’t touch you. yet, the pleasure you feel is so real, but the pain you feel is raw and visceral.

the secret you keep with jay can only help you grow as a person so much. it’s like you’ve outgrown this secret, but you crave more with jay. you want it to feel as raw and visceral with jay as does the pain you feel when you’re alone. you don’t want to become someone else in order to keep him, you want him to want you, not the version he thinks is the real you. 

the secret can keep you alive for so long before it starts to rot inside of you until you can’t keep it hidden any longer.

you’ve never been the one to go out drinking alone. even when you’re with ruby you barely drink. maybe because you’re always her babysitter since she can never pace herself properly. 

but tonight you’re tired of only being able to feel like some greater version of yourself when you’re with jay. and you’re tired of being in ruby’s shadow when you’re with her. you feel so many emotions at once and you’re just trying to figure out who you are and who likes you for the real you. 

it took you a fourth shot for you to be able to start dancing at the bar downtown that you and ruby have gone to a few times before. the music started to sound better and your cheeks started to burn from the alcohol in your system. 

a few girls started dancing with you, they were introducing themselves to you but you can’t remember their names. they told you to start drinking some mango cocktail that they were also having, which tasted so good you didn’t know how much vodka they were mixing in each one. 

by the time your little drinking group had decided to head home, it was already 2am and you were wasted, but you didn’t want to go home just yet. without thinking for long, you type in jay’s address and order an uber to his apartment. you tried texting him that you’re coming over but you couldn’t find his name in your text messages. 

when you get to his apartment and knock on his door you’re holding yourself up by leaning on the doorframe until he opens the door, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. he was shirtless and in those damn grey sweatpants that drove you crazy. even with his hair a mess you still wanted him. 

“y/n?” jay grumbles, his voice hoarse from being woken up so abruptly in the middle of the night. “what’re you doing here?” 

you pout at him, walking past him into his apartment that you’ve been at countless times before, “i want you, duh!” jay shuts the door as he turns around to face you. it’s so obvious that you’re wasted. your speech is slurred and eyes are glazed over, plus you smell like you’ve been at the bar for as many hours as you were. before jay can process what you want, you’re reaching up and wrapping your arms around his shoulders and pushing your lips onto his, something that you’ve done so many times before. 

“w-wait,” jay puts his hands on your shoulders, pushing you back down onto your flat feet, pushing you off of him. “you’re drunk.” 

you give him a dismissive snort, “i’m not that drunk.” 

jay stares back at you unimpressed and not believing a word you say, “we’re not gonna fuck right now, y/n.” 

you pout again, crossing your arms over your chest like a child as you stare up at him, “why not? you don’t want me anymore?” 

jay puts his hands on your shoulders, trying to turn you around to walk you into his bedroom, “c’mon, lets lay down and sleep.” 

“no!” you dig your heels into the floor, stopping him from taking you anymore. you turn to face him again, your face still pulled into a pout. “i want you. you don’t want me?” 

“not when you’re drunk like this, baby, c’mon, let’s sleep.” 

you can’t help but groan in frustration, pushing his arms off of your shoulders, taking a step back so he can’t persuade you to sleep with his touch. 

“i thought you knew me, jay!” your voice rises, mainly due the alcohol in your system but also from the built up frustration and confusion you’ve been feeling for the past few weeks. “i thought you knew the real me, but i guess you don’t. no ever does.” 

“y/n, please,” jay pleads, so obviously not wanting to deal with this right now, but his dismissal of you only fuels your anger more. “it’s not like that and you know it. let’s talk about it in the morning.” 

“ugh,” you groan and step around him so you’re closer to the front door and further from his bedroom. “you always say ‘let’s talk later’ or ‘don’t over think this’. but, i can’t do that anymore. you don’t want me in public so we’ve been sneaking around for months. and now what? you don’t want me in private?”

“well what do you want me to, y/n?” jay finally snaps, his eyes narrowing as he looks down at you, “you’re my ex’s best friend! i don’t know what to do! what—” 

“then figure it out!” you cut him off, your narrowed eyes matching his, “figure out what you want! do you want me, or not? because i’m tired of secrets, sneaking around and pretending to be someone i’m not!”

jay’s face contorts into one that looks taken aback by your outburst. like he was never expecting this from you. which only proves to you that he doesn’t know you. he doesn’t know what you’re actually capable of. and maybe it’s time you figure out what you’re capable of on your own, without jay and the way he makes you feel. 

before he can say anything else you turn and storm out of his apartment, not even bothering to close the door behind you. you just rush outside into the cool night air, thankful to be alone on the street as you kneel down onto the sidewalk, letting out confused tears that you’ve been holding onto for months. 

you wanted to be seen, but instead you’ve become so hidden that you don’t even know who you are anymore.

it’s been a week since you’ve seen either jay or ruby. 

you told ruby you’re suffering from a horrible, disgusting flu all week which made her stay far away from you and ask no further questions about your absence from school. there’s a big football game coming up so she needs to be in perfect shape for cheerleading and obviously can’t risk getting sick. 

however, you’ve been radio silent from jay all week. the first few days after you had stormed out of his apartment as a drunk mess and told him to figure himself out, you were checking your phone every five minutes for a text from him. but a text never came. 

you debated just giving in and calling him and apologizing for being a disaster, but you couldn’t force yourself to be so pathetic. you had left the ball in his court. jay was the one who had to come up with a solution to fix whatever this was you had going on with each other. 

but with his current track record of ignoring ruby for weeks now, you figured you better give him some time before you completely give up on him, if he was even gonna answer you at all. 

ruby texted you earlier that she’s gonna bring over some soup for you since you’re feeling a bit better after your “week long flu”, so you were laying on your couch waiting for her. maybe she’d stay awhile once she saw you in perfectly good health. 

there was a knock on your door and you waited a second for ruby to burst in afterwards like she always does. but the door remains closed until another knock. you push yourself off your couch, wondering who could be at your door if it wasn’t ruby. 

when you pulled open the door, you froze. 

jay was standing there with a sheepish smile on his face. like he had known he wasn’t the one you’d be expecting at your door. 

“hi, y/n.” 

“jay, you can’t be here. ruby’s coming over.” you whispered harshly at him, glancing down the hallway in case she was near. 

“i’ll make it quick.” jay pushes, and steps into your apartment. you grapple for words as you glance one more time down the hallway before closing your door and locking it. 

“jay, seriously, she might see you leave here!” 

jay shrugs, keeping his position as he stands in front of you. you can tell he doesn’t care if she sees or hears or even smells him. but you can’t say the same. it has you biting your lip with anxiety as you stand in the middle of your front door and jay. 

“i’ve been thinking about what you said.” jay starts, his tone serious and eyes softening. “about all the secrets and sneaking around that we’ve been doing. and that you feel like you’ve been pretending to be someone.” he steps closer so he’s only inches away from you now, “i feel like that’s my fault. i’m sorry if i made you feel like you had to be someone else around me, i didn’t mean to make you feel like that.” 

you hold your ground even though you want to collapse into his arms and tell him that you’ve missed him all week. that you wished he would’ve just told you this sooner. but you keep your gaze hardened as you look up at him. “then what did you mean to do?” 

jay reaches down for your hands, playing with your ring like he always does. you feel yourself almost give into his touch, but you pull your hand away. jay needs to speak for once. you’re tired of trying to decode all his actions to try to find out what he means. you want him to say it. like a man. 

he looks taken aback a bit when you pull away from him. but he knows what you want. it’s just up to him if he can give that to you. 

jay sighs, “you were right. i have to figure out what i want.” he keeps his eyes on you, soft and genuine. he takes your hands in his and this time you let him, not breaking eye contact with him. “i missed you, and i’m sorry for confusing you— but i do know you, y/n. i do.” 

you feel your breathing pick up pace slightly and gently as jay leans in closer to you slowly, like he’s making sure you’re okay with this. when you don’t pull away from him he lets his lips meet yours for the first time in a week. the kiss is slow and sure and almost selfish. 

but you close your eyes, letting yourself melt into his lips once again. 

jay pulls away first, his eyes seeming genuine as he looks down at you, scanning your face like he’s missed looking at your features all week. 

“i am sorry, y/n.” 

you nod in understanding, letting yourself smile. he smiles at your quiet response, his hand cupping your jaw so his thumb brushes against your lips swiftly. 

“okay, i’ll go.” 

you wrap your arms around yourself instinctively, letting him walk past you to the door. he opens it and stands in the doorframe for a second, glancing back at you like there’s more he wants to say. he opens his mouth to speak, but closes it, his gaze shifting to the floor before looking back up at you. “don’t overthink too much, okay? you always do that.” 

you nod once more to him before he closes the front door after him, leaving you alone in your apartment. 

you don’t get a chance to take in the faint sizzle on your lips that jay had left— your ring still twisted on your finger from his anxious fiddling as he spoke before there’s a knock on your door again. when the door is pushed open automatically you aren’t surprised to see ruby, but you wish she had given you another minute to pull yourself together after seeing jay. 

“they didn’t have chicken noodle,” ruby pouts, “but they had tomato!” she holds up a plastic bag with an overenthusiastic smile. 

“perfect, i love warm ketchup.” 

ever since ruby came over and watched the rerun episode of love island with you, she’s been obsessed with the new season coming out tonight. so you picked up some chips and candy to watch the season premiere with ruby at her apartment. 

you looked forward to sinking into the couch with your best friend, watching shitty romance reality tv like nothing had ever changed between you two. like you haven’t been hooking up with jay for months now. you needed some normalcy in your life, especially now that jay had apologized to you. it felt like a new start for both of you. 

“ruby!” you call out as you open her apartment door, “i got you sour patch kids! the ones with gross watermelon that you lik—” you stop mid-sentence as you look up from the plastic bag you were carrying, almost dropping said bag when you see who’s sitting on the couch. 

“y/n!” ruby greets you excitedly, stepping out from the kitchen grinning from ear to ear. she was glowing almost. like the grey storm cloud that was overhead had finally dissipated. “look who’s here!” 

you take a second glance at the couch, wondering if you had mistaken the person for him. but when your eyes met his, you knew there was no mistake. 

he was sitting on ruby’s couch. in the exact same spot he use to sit in months ago, his arm thrown over the back of the couch as he smiled sheepishly at you. 

“jay?” you finally speak, your voice barely above a whisper. 

“yeah!” ruby nods with a little jump, “can you believe he’s here?” 

you’re unable to speak as you look between ruby and jay, trying to understand what is going on. ruby’s laughter breaks you out of your trance. she turns to jay, “she’s more shocked than i was!” you hear jay laugh but you don’t look at him. you’re too busy realizing that ruby is back to her same old self, like a ray of sunshine that can’t stop smiling. you haven’t seen her this gleeful in months. 

“oh! and y/n,” ruby comes up to you, grabbing your shoulders with her hands, “look!” she shoves one of her hands in your face and it’s impossible to miss what she’s showing you. “we’re engaged!” 

the clear diamond sat right in the middle of a silver band slid right onto ruby’s ring finger. 

“w-what?” your eyes scan quickly between ruby and jay. you unconsciously take a step back, heading back into the apartment’s door frame, like your mind and body are fighting if you should stay or run away. 

“isn’t it amazing!”! ruby beams, her face contorted into a huge smile as she stares at the ring on her hand, “and it’s all thanks to you!” 

“thanks… to me?” 

“yeah! jay told me that you talked some sense into him,” 

your focus is back on jay who is now standing up from his spot on the couch, walking over to stand next to ruby. 

“yeah, i told her how you told me to figure out what i want.” jay’s smile is tight lipped as he glances between you and ruby. “and this is what i want.” he wraps his arm around ruby’s waist, where it’s been so many times before. it’s safe and comfortable and easy. “i want to settle down and not hide my feelings.” 

ruby smiles at jay in a way that makes your stomach turn. jay kisses her on the cheek and he whispers something in her ear that makes her giggle before he turns back to you, “and i couldn’t have realized that without you, y/n. thank you for being such a good friend.” 

friend.

“right, thank you for always being there for me, y/n. you really held me together these past few months,” she elbows jay in the side playfully. “and now you’ll help me plan this wedding right!” ruby comes up to you, grabbing your hands in hers as she jumps up and down. 

you’re in too much shock to respond properly, your gaze continually flicking back and forth between both of them, trying to recognize either of the people standing in front of you. “y/n?” ruby’s voice says your name mixed with concern. “are you okay?” “um,” you step back into the hallway, away from ruby’s touch. she pouts as you force her to drop your hands, “i’m just, not feeling well. i think i’ll go home and watch love island from there, if that’s ok.” 

“oh,” ruby’s face remains in a pout, “okay, you were just starting to feel better again, too.” 

“yeah, yeah— um, i’m so happy for you, but i have to go, okay?” you drop the plastic bag of snacks on the floor beside your feet, not being able to hold them anymore with the way your body starts to feel numb. 

“okay?” 

“see ya, y/n.” jay calls from over ruby’s shoulder, but you don’t look at him as you turn and make a beeline straight to the apartment building’s stairs, not even bothering to wait for the elevator. 

you rush down the flights of the stairs, tears brimming your eyes the entire way down. your hands are trembling as you hold onto the stair railing. the exit door feels like a sanctuary as you reach it and push it open— feeling the cool air on your skin. the door hits the wall behind it as you push it open with far too much strength. 

you’re panting as you stand still, jay’s face and ruby’s ring still imprinted in your mind, replaying over and over again. 

a sudden drop of water landing on your cheek has you glancing upwards to the sky. the sun was covered by a dark grey cloud, the rain just starting to patter down now. the pavement slowly turns darker as the rain picks up as you stand there, your jaw dropped as you feel like it must be some cruel prank.  

friend. 

the word sounds foreign in your mind coming from jay’s lips. were you guys even friends in the first place? or were you always just ruby’s boyfriend and best friend? 

it felt like you guys had gone from strangers to lovers to strangers who know everything about each other. like the way his tongue felt against your neck. the way he’d wash his body first and then his hair in shower. he knew your secrets— you shared the biggest one. 

the worst part that was beating at your hear the most was how you believed everything he said. you thought he saw you and knew the real you and not the version that ruby and everyone else thought you were. you thought he’d help you grow into the version of a woman that he knew you could be, even if you didn’t. even if you didn’t like that version. 

jay messed with your mind. and for what? 

to get back at ruby? 

just in the end for him to go back to her? to go back to the easiest version of love that he could, where there were no risks? just familiarity. 

you don’t take another step before you collapse onto your knees on the wet pavement, the rain splattering around, soaking your hair and clothes, mixing with your tears. you wanted to scream loud enough to erase everything that had happened in the past few months— all the agony and secrets and pleasure.

you yearned for the past version of yourself that you knew. the version that didn’t hate being alone. that didn’t need jay’s attention to feel like she was worth something. that didn’t feel like she was self sabotaging herself by allowing herself to be put into her best friend’s shadow. 

your sight is blurry from your tears and the rain as you stare down at your hands when you realize: you have no idea who you are. 

if you aren’t ruby’s good girl best friend and you’re not the carefree girl that jay chooses— then who are you? especially now that you’re alone. 

it’s just you, curled on the pavement in the pouring rain as the grey cloud hovers above you, taking away the last bit of your sunshine. the loud rain helps you think and realize that you never want to feel like this again. 

you stand slowly, clothes wet and sticking to you. there’s no one around, no one to come after you or ask if you’re okay. but maybe that’s what you need. you don’t need anyone else in order to fulfill your identity. 

so you walk away from all the versions of yourself that are tied up in that apartment that were never truly yours and you don’t look back. you don’t want to go back. ever. 

@ taeghi, 2025. do not repost or reuse in anyway.

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[kalizzz]

saw you first | yjw

synopsis: in which you try to run, jungwon lets you—just to remind you that you’ll always belong to him.

genre: chainsaw man au

pairing: chainsaw man!jungwon x barista!reader

warnings: yandre!jungwon, some unwarranted touching, toxic!jungwon, so incredibly delusional!jungwon, forced proximity, forced relationship, reader is basically held hostage, dub/non con, oral (f.rec), unprotected p in v, breeding kink, jungwon wants to baby trap reader, chocking, manhandling…i think that’s it…

wc: 23.3k+

a/n: i am once again proving that i can write plot! this was originally supposed to be a mere 12k words… i got a bit carried away with plot and i knew that if i left it as is then people would b asking for a part 2 so i just decided to bless yall w a fat one. anyways..hope yall enjoy! notes, reblogs and comments r always appreciated! enjoy :]

taglist: @won1yoiz @fancypeacepersona @betda @starry-eyed-bimbo @theothernads @wonzzziezzzz @yeonmuse @rikifordmiami

@pinkiwinkiminki

⛧⃝

fear has distinct shape.

that's what they say now at least. not metaphorically, not in poetry or horror films—but literally. fear became real the moment it was fed into our minds enough. when the world collapsed under the weight of its own nightmares, that fear grew legs, claws and mouths. and then it started eating people.

devils took over slowly, like mold growing in the walls of an abandoned house. first the animals disappeared, then the kids and then the sunlight.

cities fell, corpses rose and when the governments failed, public safety stepped in. an army of hunters built on contracts, blood, and desperation took over and now every city is its own kind of hell.

and you?

you make cappuccinos in seoul sector 3 where the devils are meaner, the streets rot faster, and no one comes to help when someone cries out into the night.

you took the job at 'sublime café' because it was small, unassuming, and just far enough off the grid to keep trouble at bay—or so you thought. in your 7 months working here, you hadn't ran into any devils. so you allowed yourself to relax, to let your guard down—until you remembered why it was up in the first place.

a dented metal shutter protected the windows at night, a reinforced steel door led to the back alley. the owner stocked a baseball bat under the register and holy water near the tea bags.

you know, just in case.

it was mostly quiet, with not many lurking on this side of the city. your regulars were all a little dead behind the eyes, the kind of people who'd seen someone's head pop like a balloon and still come in for an iced americano.

you got used to it. you stopped flinching when the ground trembled or when blood ran between the pavement cracks. you told yourself you weren't important enough to be hunted, no one wanted you enough to lurk around in these areas.

until the night he showed up.

it was late, your shift was almost over. the rain had thinned to mist, clinging to the windows and softening the streetlights outside. you were behind the counter, counting cash and humming to yourself, when the sky split open with a crack like thunder—but deeper, wetter.

you stilled, then came the scream. not human—guttural. a sound that clawed at your spine and made your heart drop straight into your gut.

you moved before you could think, hands fumbling for the emergency switch behind the register. the lights dimmed to red and the steel shutters started to roll down over the windows, screeching like rusted bones.

too late.

the front wall exploded inward. shards of glass flew like it was raining knives and the floor cracked beneath the weight of something enormous slamming into the café. limbs twitching, body slithering like oil-slick muscle. the scent hit you next: rot and metal. spoiled blood, something not meant to be inhaled.

it loomed in the wreckage, a pulsing, unnatural shape that twitched and writhed in the corner of your eye. your brain struggled to give it form, it shifted with every blink. too many legs, too many teeth and an eye—one massive, unblinking orb that locked onto you like a spotlight.

"little human," it gurgled, voice like wet stone dragging across your skin. "what flavor does your fear come in?"

you couldn't move.

your breath caught in your throat and your legs were numb. your entire body was frozen—as if the fear had seeped straight into your bones and stiffened your body.  the devil laughed, the vibrations of his heinous voice causing the walls to shiver.

and then a scream, not yours, echoed the small café. something or, someone, sliced through the devil's body like a buzzsaw through meat. a red blur exploded through the wall behind it, tearing through flesh, bone and sinew. a scream of chains and fury, loud enough to rattle your teeth. blood sprayed the walls like a firehose. chunks of flesh splattered across the freshly cleaned espresso machine and counters.

you stumbled back, heart slamming against your ribs, vision full of red. he stood there—in the middle of the carnage.

a boy.

your age, maybe younger. head bowed, shoulders trembling with steam rising from his back like smoke from a freshly doused fire. a chainsaw jutted from his arms, coated in gore.

his chest rose and fell like he had just run a marathon. he was drenched in blood, chunks of devil flesh clung to his clothes and his blonde locks. his hands twitched at his sides like he didn't know what to do with them. the chainsaws that had morphed out of his his skin stopped buzzing now that there was nothing left to kill.

the devil was gone, eviscerated. there was nothing left but a pulp of its remnants and silence.

he looked up and for a moment, the café was dead quiet—no chainsaws, no screams, just the tick... tick... tick of blood dripping onto tile.

his eyes met yours and something in his face broke. his body relaxed, the saws slid back into his skin with a thick, wet noise, like knives sinking into flesh. he took one step forward, then another—slow, cautious, like he was afraid of startling you.

his face...was beautiful. soft jaw, lips chapped and bitten raw and a scar cut through his brow. but his eyes, his eyes were what scared you most. they looked at you like you were holy.

"you okay?" he asked, his voice soft and silky. it almost made you laugh at the stark contrast of his actions and his now demeanour.  you nodded before your mouth could catch up. "y—yeah." your voice cracked, your shirt was soaked in someone else's blood. your hands were shaking, you were not okay—but somehow, telling him that didn't feel like an option.

he stared at you, then he smiled. soft, warm, terrifying. "you smiled at me," he whispered, his gaze still stuck to you like glue.  your brows knit in confusion, "what?"

"just now. you... smiled. after i saved you."

you opened your mouth to correct him—you hadn't smiled, had you? maybe it was a nervous twitch. a reflex. maybe it was just shock—"no one's ever done that before," he said, like he was telling you a secret."not even the people i saved. they always scream. run. cry." his voice was getting quieter, more distant. like he was somewhere else and no longer present with you.

"but you looked at me like i'm—" he cut himself off. his head tilted slightly to the side, blood dripped from his chin. he was still staring at you, but now his gaze felt thicker, heavier. like it was sinking into your skin and wrapping around your lungs.

"what's your name?" you didn't answer. he took another step forward and you scrambled back—your back hitting the wall.

"i'm jungwon," he said simply. "i'll see you again." your eyes twitched at his confidence and you didn't know if you should take his words as a promise or a threat.

and just like that—he was gone.

no footsteps, no exit. just a blur of motion and silence, and then the night swallowed him whole. you stood there for a long time, long enough for the adrenaline to crash. long enough to cry, long enough to wonder if anyone would believe you when you told them that chainsaw man had saved your life—and smiled like he wanted to keep it.

keep you.

⛧⃝

you didn't tell anyone. except your boss, not the police, and not the shriveled old priest who came by every week to toss holy water on the café floor and mutter things in dead languages.

how do you explain that chainsaw man, the chainsaw man, public safety's blood-slick myth, devil hunter of devil hunters—saved your life, then whispered your name like he wanted to wear it?

you couldn't. so you didn't. you cleaned the blood off the tiles. replaced the windows, sanitized the counters and scrubbed devil guts out of the espresso machine. and then tried to convince yourself it was over, that you'd go back to normal.

but a week passed, and you started noticing things. small things, at first. on day 3, the café door rattled after closing, no one was there but you could feel an almost familiar presence. on day 4, your apartment window was unlocked when you got home—and you never forget to lock it. on day 5, someone left something on your doorstep. a devil's tooth, still wet and wrapped in a receipt from 'sublimez.' your name circled in red ink with a small heart right next to it.

you stopped sleeping after that, you told yourself it wasn't him. couldn't be. jungwon was a devil hunter, he saved people. he didn't... follow them? he didn't stalk them through alleys and leave parts of what he killed as gifts.

but part of you knew that it was him.  you remembered the look in his eyes and the way he said your name. like he wanted to keep it in his mouth forever.

you saw him again on the 7th night. it was after closing and the streets were nearly empty. mist clung to the ground like spilled breath. you'd taken the long way home—just in case. your feet ached and your breath fogged the air. you didn't notice him at first. but when you passed the alley across from the café—you felt it. a prickle up your spine, like being stared at for too long.

you turned around, your body shaking in anticipation and your legs positioning in fight or flight mood. although you seriously doubt you'd be able to outrun him, you'd take your chances. he was standing in the dark, his blonde hair peaking at you—taunting you.

jungwon.

half-hidden behind a wall of shadow and brick, but you could see his eyes. bright, sharp and tracking you. he didn't move, but you did. fast.

you didn't run, not yet, but your heart picked up with your pace hitching as you turned back toward the main street and kept walking. hands in your coat pockets, head down. don't look, don't run, don't let him know you're afraid.

"you're out late," his voice came from right behind you. you spun around in shock only to come face to face with him, he was close, too close. no chainsaws this time, no blood. just jungwon, in a torn hoodie and scuffed boots, looking at you like you were still glowing in his memory. you stepped back and he followed closely.

"you haven't been smiling lately," he said, voice soft. curious. "did something happen?" your throat closed, he had been following you. "jungwon," you said, stiff but politely. "what... are you doing here?" his head tilted and his lips curled into something like a smile but it was too calm—too fond.

"i wanted to see you," he said it like it was obvious. like it was inevitable."you smiled at me, remember?" he begins, watching your face carefully. "and i haven't stopped thinking about it." you didn't answer but your fingers tightened in your coat pockets. you could feel your phone, but you knew you wouldn't be able to move fast enough. not with him this close.

"people don't smile at me," he went on, voice gentler now. like he was trying to soothe you, like he knew what was going on in your head. "they scream. they call me a monster. they run." his gaze softens, his eyes glistening slightly as he stares down at you. "but you—" he takes a step closer. "—you looked at me like i was real." he stepped closer again, you hit the wall behind you. a dead-end.

he didn't touch you he just leaned in, his breath brushing your cheek, voice so low it trembled against your skin. "so i wanted to see what your fear looks like, too."

your breath caught in your throat. "don't worry," he murmured. "i won't hurt you." your still on edge but for some reason his words put you to ease, your body relaxing for a split second before seizing up again. "not unless you run."

his voice didn't rise, his body didn't shift. he didn't growl or flash those chainsaw blades. but somehow, it was worse this way. the calm, the softness. like he was already imagining peeling you open.

"jungwon," you whispered. "please don't—" "i'm not gonna hurt you," he repeated. "i just... want to be close." his fingers brushed your wrist, you flinched. he didn't pull away—if anything, he grew bolder. his touch moved up slowly, curling around your forearm. gentle, but firm—measured. like he was memorizing the shape of you. learning where your bones sat. how your pulse felt under his thumb.

you tried to step aside but his body blocked yours. he didn't shove—just leaned in, crowding you against the wall. his hand rose up, 2 fingers ghosted your cheek causing you to stiffen.  his eyes studied your face like it was a scene of violence he wanted to relive.

"you're shaking," he murmured. "i wonder..." his gaze darkened slightly, his thumb brushing your bottom lip—slow, like a question. "is that because you're scared of me... or because you remembered me?" your stomach turned, you pressed yourself harder against the brick, trying to shrink into nothing.

"you haven't smiled again," he murmured. "why?" he looked visibly upset, you failed to understand why it mattered as much as it did to him. "i didn't mean to smile," you said, voice brittle. "it was... i don't know. adrenaline. shock."

he blinked, then his smile fell. he looked hurt, "so it wasn't real?" you said nothing. "you didn't mean it?" he pressed, quieter this time. "you didn't really see me that way?" the weight of his body shifted. not threatening , not yet, but you could feel it. the invisible line between mercy and obsession starting to bend.

"i've never had someone look at me like that," he said, voice tight. "not once," he pauses for a moment.  "i dream about it, you know. your face. your eyes," his voice softens, and his body relaxes slightly. "you were scared, but you still looked. like i was something more than a weapon."

his hand was still on your face, still gentle. but there was pressure now—the kind that warned you not to pull away. "so if it wasn't real..." his forehead pressed against yours, you didn't breathe. "should i make it real?"

he didn't kiss you, he just hovered there—close enough to taste the heat of your skin, close enough that you could see the bloodstains still caked under his nails. his breath was soft, steady and patient. but he was waiting, and the look in his eyes showed that he he was willing to wait.

"say it again," he said quietly. "say you didn't mean it. say it to my face this time." you stared at him, you couldn't. you wouldn't. your mouth moved, but nothing came out. and maybe that was your answer.

his hand slid lower—over your jaw, down your neck, his fingertips just barely tracing your collarbone now. the pressure wasn't painful but it wasn't innocent, either.

"i knew it," he breathed, voice trembling with something dark and pleased. "you were meant for me," his eyes flicker down to your lips briefly before they jolt back up. your eyes widen at his words, to afraid to correct his delusions. how you wish you had.

his forehead dropped to your shoulder, and for a second, his whole body relaxes—as if touching you settled something wild in his blood.

he didn't let go, and he never will.

you stayed there for a long time trapped between brick and breath, trying not to move. when he finally pulled back, the air felt heavier without him—but not safer. "i'll walk you home," he said.

"no," you responded almost immediately. he tilted his head, blinked, then smiled again. this time much softer, more patient. "okay," he said. "maybe tomorrow." he didn't threaten you. didn't chase. didn't even touch you again. he just turned and walked back into the shadows like he hadn't just carved himself under your skin and stitched you in place.

⛧⃝

you wake up to the sun shining through your iron clad windows and the smell of coffee. not burnt and not cheap. something warm, deep—the kind you only get when someone really knows how to make it.

it was the aroma that hit you when you walked into work, however, you could never replicate that smell at home without the help of expensive machines and high quality grounds.

but you live alone, you sit up too fast. your head spins as you look around your room in suspicion. the room is still, the curtains are open and sunlight glows through the dirty glass. your room looks the same as when you fell asleep last night. everything looks normal, untouched.

except the door to your bedroom is open and you're sure you closed it last night. your ear perk up when you hear something unfamiliar, someone's humming. your throat goes dry, you push the blankets back slowly. your hand already reaching for your phone on the nightstand, but it's not there—the charger's empty.

your heartbeat kicks up. you step into the hallway like you're walking into a war zone, barefoot and barely breathing. the humming grows louder, it's familiar. sweet. soft. wrong. you turn the corner, and he's there.

jungwon. chainsaw man. him.

he's standing by your kitchen counter, sleeves rolled to his elbows, one hand holding a steaming mug while the other scrolls casually through your phone like it's his.

"you slept late," he says without turning. "your alarm went off three times." you don't speak, you can't. he finally looks over his shoulder. his smile is soft—too soft. for someone who had essentially broken into your home and was now making himself comfortable, he looked harmless. "i made coffee," he says, his eyes darting to the second mug placed on the counter.

your mouth moves before your fear can catch up, "how did you get in?" he blinks, slow—like the question doesn't make sense. "you were tired. you left the window open." you didn't, in fact, even if you did he wouldn't be able to get inside. you took the extra precaution to get metal bars installed.

"don't worry," he adds quickly. "i locked it behind me." he places your phone on the counter, "you should update your passcode." your stomach flips, "jungwon," you say and this time your voice shakes. "you need to leave."

he tilts his head like a confused dog. like a child being scolded for something he doesn't understand. "why would i leave?" he asks innocently, his bottom lip jutting out before he takes a small sip of his own coffee,

"because this is my apartment." his eyes narrow. something in his face twitches. the stillness in him turns sharp, like the surface of a knife just before it cuts. "and?" he scoffs. "you let me in. you smiled at me," he continues, staring at you as if you had grown 2 heads. "you wanted this."

"no," you whisper. "i didn't. you're not supposed to be here." the mug in his hand shatters and the ceramic hits the floor in a wet, violent crash—coffee splashing up your legs. you flinch, he doesn't. "don't say that," his voice is flat now.

quiet and cold. like the warmth got stripped out of him in a second. "you don't get to say that after what you did to me." you look at him baffled, "what did i—"

"you saw me," he snarls. "you looked at me like i was human. like i could be... something else. and now you're pretending it didn't mean anything?" he steps forward. you back up instinctively, but the hallway behind you is too narrow, too short. there's nowhere to run without turning your back to him—and you know better than that.

"i said leave—" "don't," he growls. "don't tell me to leave like i'm some stray." you look at him wide eyed, the once soft spoken man had long disappeared. "you don't get it," he breathes, getting closer. "i've killed for less than that look you gave me. i've torn devils apart for breathing wrong in my direction."

"but you..." he paused. "you smiled." his hand snaps out and you flinch, but he doesn't hit you, not yet at least. his fingers wrap around your wrist, tight. bruising tight. he presses you into the wall, "so don't lie to me now." his face is inches from yours. you can see blood on his collarbone. dried, not yours—not yet.

"you're scared," he whispers, voice softer now—too soft. mocking. "but you're still looking at me." his grip doesn't loosen and his body crowds yours. his other hand comes up, brushing your jaw, then sliding lower, pressing lightly at the base of your throat.

your breath stutters. "you're lying," he says again, almost lovingly. "but your body remembers me." his hand is still at your throat, not squeezing. but the weight of it is a warning. "say it," he murmurs. "say you didn't feel anything. lie to my face again."

your heart is pounding so loud you can barely think. your whole body is tensed—wired for flight, though you know there's nowhere to go. not like this, not with him so close.

"jungwon..." you try. "please. you're scaring me." his expression twitches, he blinks. then slowly, his hand drops. but the pressure in the room doesn't. "scared?" he echoes, voice tight. "of me?" you nod, breath hitching as you look at him with caution.

"good."

he doesn't move for a long moment. just stands there too still, too quiet—like the air before a building collapses. then he turns away and your breath starts to come back. just slightly, like maybe he's leaving. but then you hear it, his chainsaw arm erupts with a wet, mechanical roar. the sound is inhuman and deafening—like bone grinding against steel, metal tearing from muscle.

you scream when jungwon slams it into your kitchen wall. the entire cabinet explodes in splinters. wood and tile crash to the floor in pieces, your dishes shattering like glass bombs. the wall crumbles halfway inward, revealing the hollow space between drywall and insulation.

he doesn't even flinch. "i didn't want to scare you," he says, low. "i wanted to protect you." he rips the blade free and the whine cuts out. blood sprays across his shoulder—not yours. he turns around slowly, breathing hard, skin flecked with debris. his voice is shaking now, like he's losing control, "i killed for you. i came back for you."

"do you know how many devils i could've gutted instead of sitting outside your building every night, just to make sure nothing touched you?" your throat locks at his confession. he steps closer again, no blade this time—just him.

"and you're scared because i came in the window?" his eyes are wild now—not fully devil, but not fully human either. something in between. something ruined.

"you should be grateful."

you try to move, to slide away from him, but he grabs your arm and slams you back into the wall. your head spins. not from the force but from the rage in him, the heat. his face is close again, not tender this time—unhinged.

"you think anyone else would survive seeing what i really am?" he hisses. "you think anyone else could stand in front of me, still breathing, still beautiful, and not end up in pieces?"

"no one else gets this," he breathes, almost reverent. "but you do. i saw it in you. i felt it." his hand trails down your side, slow and heavy—the weight of it not fully threatening, but not right either. not safe, it makes your skin crawl. "you smiled," he whispers. "you gave me something."

he presses his forehead to yours, teeth gritted. "and i'm not letting it go." his voice is trembling now—with fury, with hunger, with something darker. "so run, scream, cry, whatever you need. but you're not getting away."

you can feel it now, not just the obsession. but the need. violent. desperate. terminal.he doesn't see you as a person anymore. you're a purpose—a prize. a promise he's decided belongs to him.

"you're mine," he says finally. "you just don't know it yet."

⛧⃝

you can feel him watching you. all morning, it's like your skin is too tight. like your body knows something you're trying to ignore. you nearly drop 3 orders. keep checking the café windows like a girl being hunted—because you are.

and finally, around noon, you see him. standing across the street. still. expressionless. face half in shadow beneath his hoodie. not moving, not blinking—just staring. you freeze mid-pour, the milk spilling over the lip of the cup.

"hey...you okay?" your manager, seoyun, glances at you, eyebrows knit. she's young, sharp, not someone who misses things.

you swallow hard, "yeah. yeah, i'm—" but you glance back toward the window. jungwon's still there, like he never left last night—like he just waited. you lean closer to seoyun, voice low. "can i tell you something? and you promise not to freak out?" seoyun blinks, "...sure."

"you know that guy who saved me? when the devil attacked the other day?" seoyun nodded carefully, still confused, "the one with the chainsaw arm?" you nod, "his name's jungwon." her brows lift, "okay?"

"he's been following me. i woke up and he was in my apartment." she stiffens immediately, "what the fuck."

"he said i smiled at him. that i made him feel human. now he... he won't stop showing up," you feel sick saying it out loud. like giving it breath will make it worse, make him hear you somehow. "do you want me to go out there?" she offers. "i'll tell him to back off."

"no—!" you grab her arm, panic rising in your throat. "don't go near him. he's not like normal people, seoyun. i don't know what he'd do." you couldn't risk your bosses life, you knew what jungwon was capable of.

she stares at you for a long moment then nods. "i'll walk you home tonight. he tries anything, i'll scream bloody murder." you nod, then continue on with your shift—trying to ignore the blonde boy who followed your every move from outside.

he follows the whole walk. never close enough to touch you but never far enough to feel safe. you don't look at him once, but you feel him—across the street, pacing your steps, his gaze like heat at the base of your spine.

seoyun doesn't say anything. she just walks beside you, phone gripped tight in one hand. at your door, you fumble with your keys. "you gonna be okay?" she whispers, her brows furrowing with concern. "i'll text you," you say. "just... don't talk to him. promise me."

she nods, "lock your windows this time, dumbass." they are..bolted down.

you laugh a little, your eye twitching. but your stomach's still twisting as you watch her walk away. jungwon doesn't follow, he just stands there. across the street, backlit by the streetlamp—not moving.

you close your door, lock it. deadbolt it. pull the curtains tight. you try to breathe but your heartbeat dulls in your chest. the next thing on your mind besides your safety was a steaming hot shower.

the heat fogs up the mirror, the hiss of water drowns out the city. for a minute, you almost feel normal. and then you hear it, the wet sound of metal grinding. flesh splitting. bone tearing. a mechanical rev like a scream from inside the walls.

you freeze. you barely have time to grab a towel when the lights go out. the door to the bathroom creaks, you grab the edge of the sink to stay upright. he's here.

"you really let someone walk you home?" his voice is low, too calm. "you let her touch you. talk to you. stand between us," the door groans open. he's a silhouette in the steam—broad shoulders, soaked hoodie, a jagged red glow from the chainsaw arm humming low by his side. blood drips from the blade onto your floor. your heart drops at the sight, the blood looked fresh.

"you think that's okay?" he steps closer. you step back,"jungwon, don't—" "i told you," he snarls, "you don't lie to me. you don't hide from me." he had a crazed look in his eye, a look you had only seen when he was slicing through the demon when you had initially first met him

"i saw you," he breathes. "i claimed you. and now you're pretending like you're scared? like you didn't give yourself to me that day with just one smile?" he lunges at you. you gasp as he slams you back into the tiled wall, water still running, towel barely clinging to your body. the chainsaw arm doesn't touch you, but it's close—humming by your shoulder, hot and slick with blood.

his other hand grabs your jaw, "you're mine," he growls. "say it." "no—" his eyes flash and the chainsaw kicks up with a roar. you scream when he slams it into the floor beside you. tiles explodes, the blade missing your foot by mere inches.

"say it," he hisses. "or next time, i don't miss." you're shaking. you can feel the blood heat on your skin, the vibrating metal, the weight of his body pinning you in. his eyes are wild, mouth curled into a snarl—not because he wants to hurt you, but because he needs you. needs to own you. and every second you deny him, it eats him alive.

"say it," he breathes, leaning in. "say you're mine and i'll make the rest of the world disappear." you say it, you don't mean it. but you say it, "i'm yours." and jungwon—drenched in blood, blade humming inches from your skin, just stops.

his hand loosens around your jaw. the chainsaw groans once, then shuts down, the sharp teeth sinking back into his skin with a sickening crunch. you watch as the flesh heals over, smooth again like it never happened—like he was normal.

he looks at you, breathing hard. wild. then...he smiles. and it's worse than the blade, because it's soft, gentle. like he thinks this is love,  "i knew you'd come around," he murmurs, brushing a wet strand of hair from your face. "i knew you were just scared."

you don't answer, you can't. your whole body is frozen—not from fear now, but from the realization that you've passed some kind of line. that there's no going back. he leans in and presses a kiss to your forehead. it's warm and your stomach turns. "go dry off," he says. "i'll clean up." you do. not because you trust him—but because you're scared of what he'll do if you don't.

when you come out in an oversized shirt, the mess is gone. the blood on the floor, the shattered tile—gone. like it never happened. jungwon is in your kitchen, his shirt off. back turned, casually eating one of your apples, his chainsaw arm completely gone now, like it was a dream.

"i threw out your coffee," he says, like he lives here. "you drink too much of it. not good for your nerves." your throat tightens, "you need to leave."

he turns around, smiles again, "i just got here." he walks past you, slow and confident, already settled—and drops onto your couch like it belongs to him. "you can take the bed tonight. i'll stay here." you blink owlishly, "you're— staying?"

"of course," he says, like it's obvious. "you said you're mine. that means you're safe now. no devils. no one else. just me." you stare at him as he's making himself at home.

pulling his hoodie off. throwing his boots by your door. opening your fridge like it's his. your skin crawls, but you nod. "okay," you whisper. "just tonight." he watches you, his eyes narrow slightly. then softens again. "you'll come around," he says. "i know you will."

you turn, heart pounding, and walk to your room. you shut the door. lock it, as if that'll do anything. you sit on the edge of your bed and cry silently, hands over your mouth, too afraid to let the sound slip through.

outside, jungwon hums to himself. the floor creaks as he walks back and forth. at some point, you hear him in the hallway. opening the linen closet. the bathroom. checking every room. making sure nothing else lives here but him. he stops at your door, your breath catches.

tap. tap. tap.

his knuckle against the wood. "goodnight," he says softly. "you're mine now. you don't have to be scared anymore."

the next morning, your apartment is quieter than it's ever been—too quiet. you wake up and immediately check your bedroom door. it's unlocked. you're sure you locked it. you step out slowly, heart pounding in your throat—and stop.

your living room is clean, too clean. like it's been rearranged. your favorite blanket is gone, your books are stacked neatly in color order, two of your framed pictures are missing. you find jungwon in your kitchen again. he's making eggs.

"morning," he says, without turning. "your knives were dull. i sharpened them." he slides a plate in front of you and smiles. you sit down slowly, he sits too—across from you. he doesn't eat, just watches you. like it makes him feel full. "where's my blanket?"

"it smelled like someone else," he says simply. "i burned it." you stare at him as blankly as you could, afraid that if you showed to much he'd lash out.  he cocks his head, "you don't need it. you have me."

you open your mouth and then close it. your throat's dry. you try to focus on your plate. you need to get through breakfast, keep him calm.

but then your phone rings, a soft vibration on the table. you reach for it but he grabs your wrist mid-air. gently but firm.

"don't."

you peer down to see the name on the screen, a sigh of relief escaping your parted lips, "it's just seoyun—" "you don't need to talk to her," his voice stays calm and level. but there's something else under it, something dangerous. he looks you in the eyes, "you're not hers. you're mine."

you swallow hard, "jungwon..." he lets go of your wrist. then picks up your phone, stares at it for a second and drops it into your full coffee mug.

it sinks. the screen sparks once and goes black. "i'll get you a new one," he says. "you don't need distractions right now." you stare at the cup, black coffee rising around the ruined screen.

"what if i need to call someone?" your mouth moves before you realize.  he raises an eyebrow, "why would you?" you feel it, the panic building in your chest. the slow horror of how normal he's making this feel.

you stand, too fast, "i'm going to shower." he nods, "leave the door open." you pause, stare at him like he was crazy. which, he was. "what?" "just a crack," he says, smiling. "so i know you're safe."

you don't argue, you go to the bathroom. close the door, but you don't lock it. you don't dare. when you get out, one of your favorite hoodies is missing from the hook. you find it later—folded neatly in jungwon's bag.

the next day, you notice more things gone. a pair of heels you wore once on a date. your perfumes, a small photo of you and your old coworker—who happened to be a guy. that's gone too.

jungwon's in your bed that night, curled up beside you like it's the most normal thing in the world. he's warm, his arm drapes over your stomach like a belt. you're stiff, staring at the ceiling, too afraid to move.

"you're softer when you sleep," he whispers, breath warm against your neck. "like you're not fighting me anymore." you shut your eyes tight and  he pulls you closer. "i know you're scared," he murmurs. "but i'm going to take care of you. even if you hate me for it."

you don't respond and he presses a kiss to your shoulder, "you'll learn to love me. i'll make sure of it."

the next morning, he makes you breakfast again. you find your closet rearranged, the tighter dresses folded at the back and the sweatpants you love? gone.

"you look best in soft things," jungwon says, brushing your hair back. "like someone i want to keep." you ask him to leave, "just for a day. i need space." he smiles calmly, the same smile that caused shivers to run down your spine. "why would you need space from the person who loves you the most?"

you push, you say you want time to think. his expression shifts and for just a second, the smile falls. his jaw tenses and his eyes go cold. but then—he laughs. "okay," he says. "i understand."

"really?" you look at him dumbfounded.  "of course. take all the time you need." he leans in and presses a soft kiss to your temple. "just don't be mad when i come back." you don't breathe until he's gone. you rush to the door, you try the locks—they don't budge. you mentally curse yourself for having bolted down windows at this point.  you check under the sink for your emergency phone—it's gone.

and then you hear it. a low, grinding rev. metal screaming and flesh tearing. you run to the hallway and stop dead. the door to your apartment is now marked. deep, jagged gouges— a chainsaw blade dragged in a heart shape across the wood.

inside the heart? one word, carved clean through.

MINE.

⛧⃝

you wait until he's asleep. his back rises and falls steadily beside you with one arm tossed around your waist, face buried in your neck like you're some stuffed animal he can't let go of.

you hold your breath. slowly, gently, you slide out from under his arm. his fingers twitch, but he doesn't wake. you slip into the hallway and grab your shoes. your heart pounds like it's trying to break out of your chest. you're halfway to the stairwell when you hear it. click.

a soft sound, your bedroom door opening. "baby?" your blood freezes. his voice is low. hoarse from sleep. confused.

BRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMM.

the chainsaw roars to life behind you. you run. barefoot. down the stairs, through the lobby— slamming the building door open so hard the hinges scream. you don't stop. you run into the street, across the empty road, into the alley behind the café. panting. crying. shaking.

you hide behind the dumpster with your hands over your mouth. the smell makes you gag, but you don't care. anything to stay hidden. then you hear it, slow footsteps. not running. not chasing.

just coming, "you're faster than i thought."

you squeeze your eyes shut, his voice is closer now. "but you really thought you could run away from me?" the chainsaw hums. so much louder out here, so much louder when it's not a dream. "i forgave a lot, you know," his tone is soft. eerily calm. "you were mean to me. ignored me. locked me out. but i still protected you. still stayed. because i love you."

you don't move, you don't breathe. "and now you're out here... in the dark... like prey." you flinch when he stops walking, right on the other side of the dumpster. you see his boots, splattered with old blood. "so," he says, chainsaw purring. "do you wanna come home like a good girl?"

silence.

"or do i have to drag you?"

you start crying, soft—silent. but he hears it, of course he does. he steps around the dumpster fast and grabs you by the wrist. you scream, but it's cut off as he pins you to the wall.

"you said you were mine," his face is right there. eyes glowing in the moonlight. hair wild. the chainsaw still buzzing at his side. "you lied to me." "jungwon—" "no," he snarls. "you don't get to say my name like that after running." you try to push him off but he presses his body into yours— not to hurt. but to hold, to trap.

his mouth grazes your ear, "say it again." you look up at him with glossy eyes, confusion swirling through them, "w-what—" "say you're mine." you hesitate, he lifts the chainsaw and lets it rest just beside your cheek. not cutting, not yet. but close enough to smell the metal.

"say it," he whispers. "i'm—i'm yours," you stutter back, your chest heaving heavily as you break eye contact with him. he exhales, you could feel his grip on your poor wrist loosen. the blade shuts off, the weight of it disappears from your face.

he presses a kiss to your lips, soft. sickeningly sweet. "good girl."

he brings you home.

your knees scrape the concrete as he walks you backwards the whole way—never taking his eyes off you. never letting you fall too far behind. he carries you up the stairs and sets you gently on your bed. pulls the blanket over you like a lullaby, his voice is low—affectionate. "you don't run again," his voice is low with warning but his face remains sweet.  "o-okay..." he kisses your forehead, "not ever."

"you don't need anything else but me," he lies down beside you again, arms tight around your waist. you don't sleep, you can't. you just stare at the wall, breathing slow—pretending. pretending this is love, pretending you chose this.

you learn quickly, how to smile when he walks in. how to eat every bite of breakfast, even when your stomach turns. how to say "thank you, wonnie," like you mean it. he lights up every time, like you're the sun.

like nothing else matters, "see?" he says, wiping your mouth gently after breakfast one morning. "you're perfect when you listen." you smile but your hands shake under the table.

he leans in and kisses your cheek, "i knew you just needed time." you nod and he leaves your room for a few minutes. you finally breathe, you're surviving. you're obeying. you don't ask about your phone. you don't ask to go outside. you don't bring up your missing manager, or the way jungwon keeps your blinds drawn at all times.

you play your part. his perfect girl. because you're going to get out, eventually.

he brings you a new hoodie one night, your favorite color. "i bought it for you," he says, holding it out. "wanted you to have something soft again." you take it with a small smile, "thank you, wonnie."

he beams, "see? we're so good like this. no lies. no running." you nod and let him kiss you. soft. slow. like he's not the same boy who held a chainsaw to your face. his hand grazes your thigh and you freeze up. "i've been patient," he murmurs, voice dipped in honey. "but you know i want more than just cuddles."

you tense, he notices. but smiles like he doesn't. "don't worry," he says, brushing your hair back. "i won't take anything you're not ready to give." you let out a small breath of air you didn't know you were holding, "...okay."

"but if you ever lie again... if you ever try to leave me..." his hand tightens on your leg and his eyes darken. "i won't be gentle." he doesn't say how, he doesn't need to.

days pass, you shower with the door cracked. eat every meal he gives you. you sit on the couch while he lies with his head in your lap, fingers curling around your wrist like a leash. sometimes he talks about normal things like his childhood. the first devil he killed and how lonely he was before he found you.

"they only ever wanted the chainsaw," he says, eyes flicking to you. "not me." you stay quiet, listening to him intently. "but you smiled at me. before you knew what i was." he leans in, "you saw me."

you wonder what would've happened if you hadn't. if you'd just screamed like anyone else. would he have let you go? or would he have chased you anyway?

"you were mine the second i saw you," he whispers. "you just didn't know it yet.”

⛧⃝

you find a cracked tile in the kitchen and behind it, tucked into the wall—your emergency phone. hidden and dead, but there. you tuck it in your hoodie pocket when he's not looking. and you smile a little wider the next time he brings you tea. you're getting closer.

"you're different now," jungwon says one night, curled beside you in bed. "calmer. softer. like you were meant to be mine." you press your face into his chest, his heart is steady. but you feel it beneath the surface—the storm always ready to break.

"i think we should go away," he says softly. "somewhere quiet. just us. no one else." your breath hitches, dread filling you instantly, "wonnie—" "someplace with no devils. no people. no café. just you and me." he strokes your cheek lovingly,  "you'd like that, right?"

you nod, slow and obedient. his grip on you tightens, "say it." you whimper, his hold on you becoming increasingly stronger, "i'd like that." he grins, "say you want to be mine forever."

"i want to be yours forever." he kisses you and somewhere deep inside, you start to wonder if this is your life now. if pretending long enough becomes real. if loving your captor ever stops feeling like pretending.

⛧⃝

you should've hidden it better.

you knew the moment he walked in—the air around him colder, thicker, like it held its breath the second he did. he doesn't speak, not right away. he just stands in the doorway, one hand clenched at his side, the other holding something loose and familiar by the cord.

your phone, dead—cracked. but found.

"baby," his voice is even, quiet. like someone controlling their rage just enough not to shatter the walls. "is this yours?" your mouth goes dry, you don't answer. you don't need to, he already knows. "i asked you a question."

"...it was just—i didn't use it, i swear—" he throws it, hard. it hits the wall beside your head, plastic bursting into shards that scatter across the floor.

you flinch, he doesn't like that. "you lied to me." he stalks toward you, you back up. "you smiled in my face. you said all the right things. you fucking cuddled me," he snarls, his persona shifting rapidly. "wonnie, please—" he grabs your arm and yanks you forward. "i gave you everything. i let you live. and this is what you do?"

"i wasn't going to leave—" you begin. "—you were planning it." he throws you onto the couch, your back hits the cushions hard. your head whips back from the force. he's on you in an instant— knee between your thighs, hand around your throat. not tight, yet.

"you think this is a game?" he breathes. "you think i won't hurt you?" his smile is gone, the softness is gone, all that's left is heat. sharp and cracked and pulsing behind his eyes like a storm about to explode.

"you promised," he hisses, dragging his chainsaw across the carpet behind him, metal teeth glinting. "you told me you were mine."

"i—I am—" you cry out. "then act like it," his grip tightens on your throat. just enough to remind you who's in control. just enough to make your vision swim. "if you lie to me again," he whispers, lips brushing your ear, "i'll cut your legs off."

you choke, his thumb caresses your cheek like he's trying to soothe you—like he didn't just threaten to cripple you.

"then you won't be able to run," he presses a soft kiss beneath your eye. your tears catch on his lips. "you'll still be pretty," he murmurs softly, his eyes running down your face as tears spill from your eyes like a faucet. "and i'll carry you everywhere. like a doll. my little pet."

he releases your throat. you gasp, broken—and curl into yourself. he kneels down and brushes your hair back. "do you understand now?" you nod. "say it," he grits, his mouth pulled into a soft smile. "i—I understand."

"say you're sorry," his dimples appear, his fingers threading into your hair like a threat. "i'm sorry, wonnie." you swallow harshly, "say you'll never lie again."

"i'll never lie again." he kisses your forehead, smiling genuinely now. soft again, like none of it happened. "good girl," and with that he pulls you into his lap and rocks you slowly. like you're just scared, like he's the one keeping you safe.

you don't eat that night and he doesn't make you. you lie in bed, numb—while he watches you, brushing your hair behind your ear like you're still his favorite thing. you close your eyes, not to sleep but to disappear.

you wake up to sunlight and soft sheets, and jungwon. already awake, already watching you. "you slept so long," he says, brushing his thumb along your cheekbone. "you looked peaceful." you nod, you don't feel peaceful. your body still remembers the bruising grip of his hand around your throat and the weight of the chainsaw across your floor.

but you smile. because that's what he wants, he beams back. "you've been so good lately." he kisses your forehead, then your nose, then your lips. lingering.

"i was thinking..." he murmurs, kissing your jaw now, trailing down your neck. "maybe we're ready for more." your breath stutters, he pauses. "i'm not asking for much," he whispers. "just a little more. just... let me touch you." you freeze, "wonnie..."

"you trust me, don't you?" you nod. his hand slides beneath your shirt, palm warm against your stomach. he doesn't go further. just stays there, thumb brushing softly. "see?" he breathes."you're okay. you're doing so well." you want to push him off. but he's smiling again, glowing like the sun.

"you don't have to do anything," he says, lips grazing your ear. "but you want to make me happy, right?" you nod again, your mind racing. "then just let me hold you. touch you a little. i've been so good, haven't i?"

his hands roam—slow and restrained like he's controlling himself. like he's earning this, and you let him. because you don't know what happens if you don't.

he takes you into the kitchen later, arms still around your waist like a leash in disguise. "you look so pretty when you let me take care of you," he says, kissing your shoulder. "you're finally acting like mine."

you try not to flinch when he says it, you try not to cry. "you want to wear something cute for me today?" he asks, digging through one of the bags he brought home. "i got you new pajamas. soft ones. you'll like them." you nod carefully, because it's easier than saying no. because maybe if you give him this, he won't take more.

but he always wants more. at night, he pulls you into bed. spooning you from behind, face buried in your neck. you could feel him, feel him push into you  his hands explore again but softer this time, tracing your ribs, your hips.

his voice low and warm, "i think about you all the time," he whispers into your ear, his cool breath fanning the shell of your ear. "even when i'm out killing devils, i think about you. about how warm you are. how soft you sound when you say my name."

you don't say anything. "you make me feel human," he murmurs."no one's ever made me feel like that before." his hand dips beneath your waistband and you tense.

"wonnie—" he stills. "...it's okay," he says, voice gentle again. "i told you. i won't do anything you don't want." he kisses your shoulder and withdraws his hand. you let out a small breath, your eyes shutting in relief.

but his breath is heavier now, his chest rising faster against your back. "soon, though," he whispers. "you'll want it. i know you will." his arms tighten around you, "because i love you. and no one will ever love you like i do."

you sleep like that—caged in his arms, heart racing and you wonder how long you can keep this up before your own body betrays you.

because he's careful, he's patient and he's so good at making you feel safe right before he breaks you again.

⛧⃝

you've barely spoken all morning, you keep your head down and your answers short. you keep your distance, well, as much as you can when you're trapped in a small apartment with someone who watches you like he's afraid you'll disappear.

you feel it building. the way his jaw twitches when you look away too long. the way he starts pacing, slow and controlled. and when you finally say the words. soft, trembling, like a match against gasoline,  "i need some space, wonnie."

everything ignites.

"space?" his voice cracks like a whip. "what the fuck does that mean?" you step back but he follows. "after everything? after i saved you? after i've been patient and sweet and, fuck—soft with you?" you try to explain, voice small,  "i just—i need to clear my head, that's all. just a day or two—"

"you don't get a day or two," he slams his hand into the wall beside your head. not touching you—but close enough to make your ears ring. enough to make your heart stop. "you don't get to push me away. not after how hard i've tried. not after how good i've been." his eyes are wild and glassy. he's breathing hard.

"you smiled at me," he says, broken. "you kissed me. you told me i made you feel safe." you don't know what to say. because you meant it, initially. you just didn't mean for it to become this. "you made me hope," he whispers, a sharp kind of pain in his voice. "you made me think you loved me."

"i—I'm sorry, I didn't mean—" he cuts you off, "you did." he grabs your shoulders—hard and pulls you close, forehead pressed to yours. "don't make me beg, baby," his voice drops, desperate. "don't make me fucking beg you to stay."

you feel his body shake, you're not sure if it's from rage or heartbreak. maybe both. his lips brush yours, "say you love me," he whispers. you hesitate, just for a second. his hands tighten,  "say it."

"i love you," you breathe, barely audible. his whole body stills, then softens. he exhales like he's been holding his breath for years. "there's my girl," he murmurs, pressing a kiss to your cheek. "i knew you didn't mean it. i knew you were just scared."

he lifts you—literally picks you up and carries you to the bedroom like he's claiming what's his. "you don't need space," he says, laying you down. "you need me." he kisses you, slow and deep and wrong. his hands slide under your shirt again. but this time, you don't stop him—you can't. because you saw it, the split-second flicker behind his eyes.

the one that said: if you leave, i'll burn the whole world down.

⛧⃝

you wake up before him, you think. jungwon's arm is around your waist, heavy and warm. his breath tickles the back of your neck. you stay still for a moment, heart pounding.

then you slowly slip out of bed, he doesn't move.

you crush the sleeping pills into powder and stir them into the yogurt he left out for you. he always makes your breakfast now, always waits for you to eat the whole thing while he watches.

but today, you insist he eat it instead.

"you're always taking care of me," you say with a soft smile. "just let me take care of you for once, okay?" he melts and kisses your hand. "you're getting so sweet," he whispers lovestruck.

he finishes it all and now you wait. you watch the weight of sleep start to drag down his eyes. and when he slumps forward on the couch, arms loose, breathing heavy—you run.

you don't bring your broken and smashed up phone. don't bring clothes. you don't even grab your shoes. you just run barefoot, wild, breath sharp in your chest—through streets that still smell like blood and ash.

you don't know where you're going, you just know you have to be gone. but somewhere, hours later, in a small alley behind the metro station— you stop.

because it was too easy, you look behind you and feel sick. because there's no way jungwon would let you go that easily. he should've woken up. should've chased you.

you feel the shift before you see him, the air goes still—cold. and then: "you crushed the pills too fine." his voice is behind you, calm. close. "slipped into the yogurt perfectly though. smart girl." you turn and you see him leaning against the wall like he's been there all day. no chainsaw, no blood. just that same soft hoodie and a smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

"i wanted to see where you'd go," he says softly. "who you'd run to." he steps closer, you step back. "but you didn't call anyone," he laughs. "you didn't have a plan."

he tilts his head, staring down at you with an unreadable expression, "you just... ran." you say nothing and he smiles. "i should be mad," he moves closer again, voice lower now. "but honestly, it just makes me love you more." his hands slide into his pockets, "i mean, you didn't even really want to leave, did you?" he cocks his head to the side,  "you're scared. confused. but deep down, you know you belong with me."

your throat feels tight, "why are you here?" you whisper. "because you're mine," he shrugs. "and i figured i'd give you a head start. make it feel real." you feel yourself shake as you watch jungwon straighten up his posture, "but you're done now."

he closes the distance completely and presses his forehead to yours, "game's over, baby." you don't remember the walk back but you remember the pressure of his hand wrapped around your wrist. you remember the silence, tight and eerie—as jungwon guided you home like you were sleepwalking.

no yelling, no chainsaw. just a soft, lingering disappointment that cut deeper than violence ever could. "i gave you everything," he murmured once, almost to himself. "and you still ran."

back inside, the world feels smaller. every corner watched and every door locked. he sits you on the edge of the bed like a doll, crouches in front of you with his hands on your knees.

"it's okay," he says, almost as if he was trying to sympathize with you. "you're scared. i get it." he cups your cheek with aching tenderness. "you don't trust yourself yet. but i do. i always have." you stay still, silent.

his smile doesn't reach his eyes anymore, "so i'm going to help you," he whispers. "from now on, no more decisions, okay?" his hands slide down to your thighs, thumbs stroking softly. "you don't need to think anymore."

"i'll think for you."

he's not gentle that night. not with his kisses, not with his grip, not with his touch. he doesn't force you, never crosses that final line, but he doesn't ask either. he undresses you slowly, holds you down like a possession being reclaimed.

"you're mine," he says into your skin. "and i'm going to make sure you remember that." he kisses your stomach, your hips. then dips a brush into black ink and paints his name in neat hangul letters just above your heart.

"jungwon," he says, smiling like it's a wedding vow. "belongs to." he stares at it for a long time, then at you. "i'll do it permanently soon," he whispers.

"carve it if i have to."

the next morning, your phone is gone. your shoes are gone. "just until you stop panicking," jungwon explains while brushing your hair. "you'll thank me later." you don't speak, you don't dare look at him in the eyes.

"you're doing so well," he says sweetly, his voice chirpy. "you're already so much more obedient." he kisses your shoulder, "soon you won't even want to leave." and somehow, that's what scares you the most. you wake up in his bed again, it was no longer yours. but this time, the warmth is gone. the sheets are tucked tighter and jungwon is sitting in the corner of the room—watching.

his eyes are soft, his smile is small but something in the air has shifted. you know he's not going to ask anymore. "did you sleep well?" he says softly, you nod. your throat is dry and the feeling of dread consumes you slowly.  "good," he murmurs, standing slowly. "because we're starting over now."

he walks toward you with slow, steady steps. "the way i see it..." he sits beside you, brushing hair behind your ear, "you weren't ready to make decisions. so i'm taking that pressure off you." he leans in, "you don't need to think anymore," he smiles at you, like he was making your life easier. "you don't need to want anything. i'll do all that for you."

you feel the weight of it settle in your chest like stone, but you nod.

he doesn't leave the house that day. or the day after. he cooks for you, feeds you, bathes you— always watching. the door stays locked, your phone is gone and the television plays static or nothing at all. every time you hesitate, he tilts his head and says: "are you forgetting what happened when i let you choose?"

and every time, you swallow your pride and obey.

on the third day, you cry. quietly, in the bathroom, with the sink running, he knocks once. "are you done?" his voice had began to suffocate you. "or do you need me to come help?" you wipe your face and open the door. he kisses your temple like you've done something good. "see? progress."

at night, he holds you like you're his peace. arms wrapped tight, breath steady on the back of your neck. "i forgive you, you know," he whispers. "for trying to run." you stay still, you stay quiet.  "but you'll never get that chance again," he presses a kiss to your shoulder. "next time you try to leave, i won't be this gentle."

you stop counting the days. at first, it was just survival—getting through one morning, one meal, one long, quiet night curled up in jungwon's arms like a prisoner pretending she wants to be held. but soon, it gets harder to remember how long it's been.

the clocks have disappeared from the walls and jungwon's answers when you ask what time it is, what day it is— always come with a soft smile. "does it matter?" he'd say. "you're safe now. that's all you need to know."

he brings home clothes for you now. long skirts. soft sweaters, white lace trimmed with ribbons. you'd flush a deep red when you'd discover the lacy and raunchy undergarments you'd find at the bottom of the bags.

"you look better like this," he murmurs as he zips one dress up slowly behind you. "like you're already mine." he takes your picture, just one and prints it and pins it to the fridge. "our beginning," he whispers. "the real one."

you don't ask what that means but he keeps calling this the start of something. keeps saying you're going to be so happy soon.

he cooks every meal himself, won't let you touch the knives. won't let you wash dishes, he says the soap dries out your hands. you sit at the table and eat the food he plates for you, always arranged into little shapes—hearts, stars, flowers made from rice or sliced fruit.

"i want everything around you to be soft," he tells you one afternoon. "no more sharp things. no more running." his hand comes down gently on your thigh. "you don't need the outside world. you don't even like it out there, do you?"

you hesitate, his grip tightens slightly. "do you?" his voice carried a warning.  "...no," you say. he smiles, "good girl."

at night, he talks about the future. his voice is warm, sweet, dangerous. "we'll get married soon," he says, fingers playing with yours beneath the covers. "it doesn't have to be legal. just real. just ours."

"i can fix up the spare room. make it a nursery, maybe. or just a space for you to paint. you like painting, right?" you don't answer, you're not sure anymore. "and when you're ready..." he leans in closer, breath fanning over your cheek, "i want to give you a baby."

you flinch but he doesn't react.

"you'd be so good at it," he murmurs. "i'll take care of everything. you won't have to lift a finger." he continues, "you'll never have to be afraid again."

you try to keep track of your thoughts. you write on napkins and hide them under the mattress. little scraps of memory: my name is __ he has a chainsaw. no. he is the chainsaw i don't want to be here not safe but by the next morning, they're gone and jungwon is extra affectionate that day. "you were talking in your sleep again," he says while brushing your hair. "sounded like you were having a nightmare."

his hand cups the back of your neck, "i got rid of it for you." you nod, because what else can you do?

one night, after a particularly quiet dinner, he asks if you're feeling okay. you nod, he studies you. "you're not lying to me, right?" he asks, his brows scrunching in concern. "you'd tell me if something was wrong?" you hesitate for half a second too long and just like that, the softness slips. he grabs your chin, not hard, but enough to make you freeze.

"i need to know you're happy," he whispers, voice trembling with something sharp and volatile beneath it. "because if you're not, then i must be doing something wrong. and i can't—i won't fail you again."

his pupils are blown wide, his breath stutters. his hand shakes slightly as he releases you. "...say you're happy." you swallow the lump in your throat, "i'm happy."

he exhales like he just pulled you back from a cliff. he pulls you into his lap and holds you tight. "see? i knew you'd feel it eventually."he presses a kiss to the side of your head, "we're just getting started."

it starts small, a hand on your thigh when he's reading beside you. a kiss on your shoulder before bed, lips lingering longer than before. fingers brushing the curve of your spine when he helps you change clothes.

"you're so soft," he whispers one morning, hand tracing your bare leg under the blanket. "i never get tired of touching you." you stay still, your eyes on the ceiling.

he doesn't go further, well, not yet.but the weight of his desire hangs heavy in the air now. like heat in a locked room with no windows.

he lets you bathe alone for the first time in days. but when you come out, towel wrapped tightly around yourself, he's standing in the doorway with a folded nightgown and a smile. "you forgot your clothes," he says sweetly.

you take the time to look at him, blonde fluffy hair, porcelain skin, dimples, a warm smile and doe eyes. if things were different and he wasn't a delusional psychopath then maybe jungwon would've been your dream man. however, he is a delusional psychopath and this is a nightmare.

"you must've been distracted," he cooed softly. you try to take the gown from him, but he steps in close. slowly, carefully—he starts dressing you himself. like you're porcelain, like you'll shatter if he moves too fast. his fingers graze your bare skin, your collarbones, your hips.

he doesn't touch where he shouldn't, but he touches everywhere else. "you're so good for me now," he murmurs. "so quiet. so calm. i can feel it...you're finally starting to love me." you open your mouth—to object, maybe. or scream. cry.

but nothing comes out and jungwon just smiles. "that's okay. you don't have to say it. i already know."

that night, he holds you closer. one arm locked around your waist, the other trailing slow circles over your stomach, your ribs, the swell of your chest through your shirt.

"this is mine," he says softly, his fingertip dancing right over your chest. "every part of you is mine." you flinch when he presses a kiss just below your ear—gentle, reverent. but he doesn't stop.

"i could make you feel so good," he breathes. "you don't even have to do anything. just... let me." his hand slips beneath your shirt, warmer now. firmer. but still slow, still soft. he's waiting for a word, maybe a sound—anything.

and when you don't give it, he pauses. just for a second. "not yet?" he says, like he's disappointed in himself. "that's okay. i can wait. i'll wait forever if i have to." he nuzzles into your hair, kissing the back of your neck. "but one day," he murmurs, voice lower now—dangerous. "you're going to want it."

the next morning, you wake up to find he's changed all the sheets. the house smells like vanilla and warmth. breakfast is waiting with your favorite drink sitting by your plate.

"i want today to be special," he says, glee present on his handsome face. "you've been so good lately." you force a smile, but your hands shake when you hold the glass. you know what's coming, you can feel it.

he's not going to stop until you say yes. and you're starting to wonder what will happen when you finally do.

the day turns out to be quiet, something you weren't expecting—but you weren't complaining.

no chainsaw noises from the basement. no news playing in the background. no scraping of locks or clattering of breakfast dishes.

just silence.

and the faint scent of jasmine in the hallway. you step out of the bedroom cautiously, bare feet on the cold wood floor. the apartment is different, candles line the floor, flickering soft gold. petals—real, crushed, pink and red are scattered like breadcrumbs from your room to the living room.

and in the center of it all—jungwon. in a clean white shirt, hair brushed, lips pink. smiling at you like you're the sun returning after years of rain.

"happy honeymoon," he says gently.

you don't answer. you just stand there, frozen, trying to make sense of what's real. "i know it's silly," he laughs, rubbing the back of his neck, "but i wanted to do something special. you've been so good for me. i wanted to thank you."

he walks over slowly, reaching for your hand. you let him take it, because what else is there to do? "sit down," he murmurs. "let me take care of everything tonight."

he serves you dinner at the table. pasta—your favourite, garlic bread, wine and dessert. you don't ask how he got it all and you don't dare ask if it's drugged. you just eat and he watches with stars in his eyes.

"this is what i always wanted," he says. "just us. no fear. no noise. no one getting in the way." he reaches across the table and laces his fingers through yours. "don't you feel it now?" he asks softly. "how good we could be, if you stopped pretending you didn't want me?"

your throat closes. he's still smiling—but it's tighter now. thinner. "i know you want me," he says again, a strange look on his face. "you've always wanted me." his hand slides over your knuckles, slow and steady."even when i scare you. even when i hurt people for you. even when you try to run."

"you always come back."

you want to pull away, but he's already standing. "don't worry," he whispers, bending down behind your chair. "i won't rush you." his hands slip onto your shoulders and his lips find your neck. you freeze. "you're mine," he murmurs against your skin. "every piece of you. and tonight, i want to show you what that means."

you don't remember how you get to the bedroom. but suddenly you're there—lights low, sheets fresh, jungwon kneeling at the foot of the bed. "take this off for me?" he whispers, brushing your shirt. "please?" you hesitate, he tilts his head.

"i said please," he repeats. "don't make me beg." his voice is still soft—still velvet. but there's something under it now, something sharp and heavy and impatient. you reach for the hem of your shirt with shaking fingers, he watches every movement like it's holy.

"that's it," he breathes. "that's my girl." you pause when it's off—bra still on, arms crossed hiding what you can. he doesn't push, just leans forward and presses a single kiss to your ribs.

"i won't do anything you don't want," he says gently. "but you do want me, don't you?" your silence hangs too long and jungwon sighs—quiet, frustrated, before leaning up and kissing you fully on the mouth.

slow. wet. deep.

he tastes like wine and something unplaceable—warm, overwhelming, dangerous. when he pulls back, he whispers: "you're lying to yourself."

that night, he touches you everywhere but where you dread. hands tracing over your stomach, your thighs, the backs of your knees, your spine. he worships your body like it belongs to him—like you've always belonged to him. and when he finally falls asleep beside you, arms locked tight around your waist, you realize something terrifying: you almost leaned into it.

for just a second, you wanted him to keep going. not because you love him, not because you're ready. but because it would be easier than saying no again.

your eyes are still open when he stirs beside you, the warmth of his breath hitting your shoulder. "can't sleep?" he whispers, voice thick with softness and sleep. you don't respond, his arm tightens around your waist, tugging you closer. you can feel the weight of his chest against your back—steady, calm, alive.

"you're tense," he murmurs. "i can feel it. right here—" his hand glides over your stomach slowly, resting low, too low. you swallow hard. "i want to help you," he says. "let me?"

you shake your head, barely a movement—barely even a sound. but he catches it, "shh, it's okay. i'm not asking for anything. i just want to make you feel good." he kisses the back of your neck—slowly, reverently.

"you've done so much for me," he whispers, each word like silk against your skin. "you've been so brave. so patient. you let me love you even when you didn't know how." his hand slips lower and you tense—not quite fighting, not quite yielding. "you deserve to feel safe," he breathes. "to feel... pleasure. let me give that to you. just once."

his fingers toy with the waistband of your shorts. "i won't ask for anything back," he promises. "i won't even kiss you unless you want it." suddenly your no longer on your side when jungwon spooning you. he's looming over you now, his blonde locks falling over his face as he cages you between his arms.

he shifts to kneel between your legs, gently nudging them apart—slowly, like you're breakable. you don't stop him, you don't say yes either.

you just lie there, frozen in place, as he pulls your shorts down and presses a kiss to the inside of your thigh—soft, reverent, desperate. you hold in the urge to squeeze your legs together in attempts to hide yourself from his gaze. you could tell how pleased he was, the evidence was poking the back of your thigh. you saw his tongue jut out to wet his lips, his eyes never leaving the thin lace material that covered you.

"i've wanted this for so long," he whispers. "to taste you. to feel you fall apart for me." he leans down, his stomach on the bed and his hands gripping your thighs—prying them apart. his breath fans over your core, and you flinch but still don't move. he glances up at you once, dark eyes gleaming in the candlelight.

"you're shaking," he murmurs. "it's okay. i've got you." he lands a soft kiss where you felt it most, over the fabric. you stiffen at the feeling, your core throbbing as you watch jungwon push your panties to the side.

then, he leans in. his mouth is warm, soft, slow. he doesn't rush. his tongue slides down your slit, grazing your clit ever so slightly. you tremble, pursing your lips to hold back any moans from escaping. your eyes roll to the back of your head when he pushes your thighs back completely and begins to, what you coukd only describe, as making out with your cunt.

he kisses like he's praying—like every flick of his tongue is an offering. his tongue laves against you, sucking after ever kiss and swipe of his tongue. he doesn't allow his attention to fall anywhere else, focusing on your clit.

he hums against you when your hips twitch, when your thighs tremble. "that's it," he breathes. "just let go. just for me." you couldn't help but let soft moans escape your mouth, mentally cursing yourself.

you gasp, quiet, helpless—fingers curling into the sheets. you could feel the knot in your stomach begin to tight with every flick of his tongue. and he moans like he's the one coming undone.

"so sweet," he mutters. "so fucking mine." when your legs close around his head, he lets them and doesn't stop. he just holds you there, mouth relentless, tongue deep and slow, devouring like it's the only way to live.

you cry out when you feel your high wash over you, your body shaking and jungwon moans into you—helping you ride it out. when you finish—shaking, breath caught in your throat, he doesn't say anything at first. he just lays his head on your thigh, breathing hard.

"i love you," he says softly. "even if you don't say it back. i'll wait." he kisses the inside of your knee. "but one day... you will."

⛧⃝

you stop noticing the time. you don't know if it's morning or night anymore, because the lights are always dimmed, the curtains always drawn. outside, the city could be burning and you wouldn't know. inside, jungwon touches you like he's trying to make you forget it exists.

he doesn't ask anymore.

not for permission. not for your attention. not even for your affection. he wakes before you most days, tucked warm under the blankets, mouth already between your legs—worshipping like it's a habit. like it's his version of good morning.

and you don't fight it, you barely even flinch. you just stare at the ceiling, mouth dry, fingers limp in the sheets while his tongue works you open with slow, languid patience. sometimes he moans when you twitch. sometimes he whispers things, sweet, sinful things—into the skin of your thighs.

"that's it, baby..."

"let me taste what's mine..."

"i love waking you up like this. you're always so wet for me..."

he never asks you to touch him in return, never forces your hand. never begs for more. but the way he looks at you after, wide-eyed, breathless, expectant—makes your skin crawl. like he's waiting, like he's trying not to snap.

you catch him staring more, when you're reading on the couch. when you're brushing your hair. when you laugh a little too long at something on TV. he watches like he's memorizing every detail, but not out of love—out of fear.

fear that you'll slip away. fear that you'll wake up and run. fear that what he's built here, this dream, this trap—will shatter.

"do you like it here?" he asks one night. you nod, because you have to. because your voice doesn't work the way it used to. "you're quiet lately," he adds, brushing your cheek. "you used to fight more." you glance away, "i miss that fire," he says softly, lips brushing your ear. "but this version of you... i like her too. soft. obedient. mine."

you feel something hollow open in your chest.

you try to plan, when he leaves for a supply run. when he showers with the door locked. when he naps after eating you out until your legs give out. you think about doors, windows, stairwells. you think about timing, about pills, about hiding money in the lining of your coat.

you think about running, but then you remember the chainsaw. you remember the way he looked, blood-drenched and smiling—the night he saved you. you remember the sound it made when he turned it on, and how easily it tore through bone.

"you're mine," he had whispered that night. "you smiled at me first. you don't get to take that back."

sometimes, when you lie awake pretending to sleep, he wraps his arms around you and murmurs things into your hair. "i know you're still scared," he says. "but one day you'll understand this is love," he continues. "one day, you'll thank me for saving you."

he kisses your neck, "you'll see. you'll see. you'll see—" and you lie there, still as death, wondering if maybe you never smiled at all.

⛧⃝

you start with small things. a bottle of water hidden behind the back panel of the bathroom cabinet. a wad of cash that you had gathered from around the house tucked beneath a loose floorboard by the bed. a sweater rolled tight and pushed into the gap under the couch.

jungwon doesn't notice, he still looks at you like you're the only thing in the world worth breathing for. like your smile was the last good thing left in a ruined city.

and so you smile, you kiss him goodnight. you let him between your thighs when he wakes up needy. you even tell him he tastes sweet when he presses soft kisses into your skin and hums like he belongs there. "i love when you say things like that," he whispers, licking his lips. "you're finally getting it."

but he doesn't notice the way your hands shake when you cook. he doesn't notice the extra pills you keep hidden in the lining of your hoodie pocket. he doesn't notice that this time—when you crush them into his tea you don't take his advice.

you don't make it fine, you make it heavy—potent. enough to keep him down. "you sure you don't want any?" he asks, sipping the tea, eyes soft. you shake your head, "already brushed my teeth." he laughs and taps your chin with his thumb, "so good for me now."

he falls asleep earlier than usual. his breathing turns deep, chest rising and falling with slow, heavy rhythm. you wait, 20 minutes, then 30. then another 10, just to be sure.

you press your fingers to his neck, pulse thick and sluggish. he's out. you move quickly, silently. coat. money. water. shoes. you skip the sweater under the couch—too risky. your heart's hammering in your chest as you step over the threshold, fingers closing around the doorknob, twisting it slowly—

click.

the door creaks and you freeze. jungwon doesn't stir. you slip into the hallway, pulling the door shut behind you with a soft click. you don't breathe until you've made it down the first two flights of stairs. the city is cold tonight, silent. the kind of quiet that makes you feel watched.

but you keep going, you don't look back. 2 blocks down, you finally stop. your hands are shaking and your legs are numb. but you made it, you got out. just before you could do your happy dance, your dreams shatter.

"where are you going, baby?"

your blood runs cold. his voice was soft, gentle, sweet—floats in from the mouth of the alley behind you. you turn, he's standing there in the shadows, hands at his sides. still in his sleep shirt, barefoot and smiling.

"you didn't really think i drank it, did you?" he asks. he takes one slow step forward. "you think i'd sleep through you slipping around like that? hiding things from me? lying to me?" his tone doesn't rise, he doesn't shout. he doesn't need to. he just looks at you like you broke his fucking heart.

"i let you go," he whispers. "i watched you walk out. i gave you a chance." another step."and now i know." you step back, shaking. "now i know you'll run from me every time." he tilts his head, voice dropping. "so i'm not gonna let you anymore."

then, his arm shifts. you hear the click and suddenly, it's there. the chainsaw. not in his hand—but part of it. the metal gleams under the streetlight, slick and humming.

his smile is still soft, his voice is still calm. but there's something in his eyes now—something raw, betrayed, unhinged. "you said you were mine," he says. "even if you didn't say it out loud, you let me inside you. you let me love you." he lifts the chainsaw—not revving it, just holding it. like a warning, like a leash.

"so now you're not leaving," he says. "i'll make sure of it." you don't scream, even as jungwon grabs you by the wrist. even as he yanks you into his chest, cradles your head, and whispers, "it's okay, i've got you." even as the cold metal of the chainsaw brushes against your side like a threat he doesn't even have to say aloud.

"you're shaking," he murmurs, brushing your hair back. "are you cold? scared? don't be. we're going home." he's gentle, that's the worst part. he doesn't drag you down the alley—he guides you, arm wrapped around your waist, chin resting on your shoulder like this is all just some sad misunderstanding.

"i gave you everything," he breathes. "i touched you like you were sacred." you don't reply, you can't. he smells like warm skin and blood and something sharp, like metal. "and you still ran from me."

he doesn't say another word until the door shuts behind you, your coat is stripped off. your bag is kicked aside and then you're in the living room again—where the lights are too dim and the air smells like stale sweat and sleep and him.

he lets go, lets you fall onto the couch like a dropped doll. you sit there, frozen. he disappears into the kitchen, comes back a moment later with the tea cup you'd drugged. "this," he says, holding it up, "was cute." he sets it on the table in front of you, "you really thought that'd work again?"

he crouches in front of you, slow, fluid, tilting his head like he's studying you. "you've been lying to me," he says, not angry but hurt. "smiling. moaning. kissing me back. and it was all fake." you open your mouth to deny it, but he grabs your chin fast—firm but not rough.

"don't," he snaps. "don't lie again. not now." his hand shakes. "you let me taste you," he whispers, eyes shining. "you let me fall in love with your body. your sounds. the way you twitch when i kiss your clit just right," you flinch at his words. "and then you tried to disappear."

his voice breaks, barely above a whisper and he leans in closer. "do you have any idea what that does to me?" and for the first time in weeks—you see it. not the softness, not the sweetness. but the madness underneath it.

he kisses you suddenly—hard, desperate, messy. like he's trying to prove something. "you're never doing that again," he mutters against your lips. "i won't let you run. i won't let anyone take you." his hands skim your sides, up your ribs, pressing too tight. you shove at him and he freezes. he looks at you, really looks at you. like he wants to be good, like he wants to stop. but then he closes his eyes, breathing hard, and says: "you made me like this."

and then he gets up disappears into the hallway. comes back with a knife in hand—still silent, not pointed at you, but there. a threat. you failed to understand why his weapon of choice was a knife and not his arm, the chainsaw.

he sets it on the table, right next to the tea cup. "i don't want to hurt you," he says, voice soft again. "but you don't get to hurt me either."

that night, you sleep in the same bed. his arms around you, his breath warm on your neck. the knife flat against the nightstand like it belongs there. he didn't want to use himself as a weapon against you, it made sense to you now.

and in the dark, as he kisses the back of your shoulder and murmurs "mine, mine, mine" into your skin—you realize something.

you're not planning your next escape, you're planning his destruction.

he falls asleep fast. one arm around your waist, face pressed between your shoulder blades, murmuring quiet, broken apologies into your skin like he thinks he deserves forgiveness just for feeling sorry.

"don't leave me again."

"you belong with me. you know that."

"i'll be good. better. just stay."

but you're not listening. you're watching the knife where it rests beside the bed. the quiet metallic hum still rings in your ears. his arm is normal, it doesn't glow, doesn't breathe, but it feels as if the chainsaw is there and alive. like a part of him that can't ever really be turned off. you wonder if he'd use it on you if you tried to run again, he had threatened you with it before. why not now? will he again in the future? you wonder if he'd cry afterward.

i let you go. i gave you a chance.

you close your eyes, breathe. you've never felt more trapped. there's no one left to call. your parents are dead, your phone is still gone. your coworkers think you're in love and the city outside is worse than he is—filled with devils that eat humans whole.

jungwon saved you from that, he reminds you of it every time he eats you out in the morning. every time he kisses your throat and whispers, "i'm the only reason you're still breathing."

and the worst part? he's right.

but tonight, you feel something shift. the numbness doesn't feel so hollow anymore. it feels like stone1-something you could carve a plan into, something hard enough to carry hate. you lie still for hours, eyes open, mind racing. you imagine stabbing him in his sleep, burning the apartment down with him inside.

you picture it all—every version of his death. you imagine your hands slick with his blood and your heart finally beating without fear. but there's a problem, you don't know how to kill a devil.

especially not your devil. the next morning, you smile. you kiss him when he wakes you up by sliding under the sheets and parting your thighs like it's his god-given right. you moan when his mouth closes over you. you say thank you when he finishes, even though your chest is hollow and your eyes don't match your lips.

he doesn't notice. he nuzzles into your side like he's proud of himself, like he thinks love still lives here. "you're so good for me now," he murmurs, kissing your ribs. "knew you'd come around."

you stroke his hair and you start to lie. not the small lies, the ones he's used to. but new ones. cold ones. dangerous ones. you start to ask questions with wide eyes, "what would happen if you got sick?" or "are chainsaw people immune to poison?" and "how does the chainsaw part work again?"

he answers them, slowly—suspiciously. but you're careful, you let him eat you out whenever he wants. you cook for him, you hold his hand. you say "i missed you" when he comes home even though you never left the apartment. "i'm happy now," you tell him one night. "i think i was scared before. but i'm not anymore."

he watches you closely, he doesn't believe you—not fully. but he wants to and you let that desire blind him. because underneath your smile, your skin, your warmth—you're already planning the kill.

"baby," he says, voice low from the kitchen, "come sit." you don't hesitate. not even when you see what he's made—pancakes, eggs, sausage. your favorite, but that's not what matters. it's the two plates on the table, identical. his and yours but he hasn't touched his yet and he's watching you.

"i thought you'd be hungry," he murmurs, running his fingers along your chair as he pulls it out. "figured you needed something warm. grounding." you sit and you thank him. he sits too—and then folds his hands. he's not eating, you pick up your fork. "go on," he says, smiling. "i made it with love."

your stomach tightens, he's testing you. because of the pills, because of that time you cooked. you glance down at your plate, it smells fine, it looks perfect. but that's what he said about you once. you chew slowly, you swallow. he watches every bite.

"you've been so sweet lately," he says after a moment, eyes soft. "it's nice." he picks up his fork. takes one small bite from his own plate. chews, swallows, sets the fork down again. "but you know what they say." he leans forward. "sweet girls can be liars."

you smiles—soft, demure, every inch the broken little thing he thinks you are now."i'm not lying." he grins, "mm." he tilts his head. "then prove it." you blink, he reaches into his hoodie pocket and pulls out a small vial—clear liquid. viscous. almost glowing.

"this is devil toxin," he says, voice still gentle. "you only need a drop. just one." your chest turns to ice. "you want to show me you're loyal?" he sets the vial beside your cup of tea. "drink it." you stare at it, "jungwon—" his grin gets wider, "i'll suck it out of you if it hurts," he whispers, smiling too wide. "you know i'll take care of you. don't you trust me?"

no. never: but you can't say that. you wrap your hand around the teacup, the vial sits beside it like a promise. he leans in, "prove it," he whispers again. your heart hammers in your throat and slowly—so slowly, you lift the vial and tip one drop into the tea.

it hisses, even smokes a little. but doesn't change color, you drink. you smile; you don't die.

he exhales and you know two things immediately: 1. it wasn't enough to kill you. 2. next time, it might be.

"good girl," he says, voice filled with something almost tender. "you're getting so good at being mine." he kisses your temple, you hold your breath. and you think: i have to kill him first. the knock comes mid-morning, you're still shaking from the tea—not because of the toxin, but because of what it meant.

jungwon had to see you drink it, he wanted to watch. your loyalty, served hot. and now he's humming in the kitchen like he didn't just force you to poison yourself. the knock comes again, "package," a voice calls through the door. "from the devil patrol."

you flinch, jungwon wipes his hands on a towel, glancing toward the door. "ah. that's the neighbor." neighbor? you didn't know you had one. he opens the door and greets him like they're friends. "yo," jungwon says, too casual. "thanks. was wondering when that would come."

"no problem, man." the guy is young, tall and lean wearing a battered jacket with the devil patrol emblem stitched to the chest. "i figured i'd drop it off personally. lots of freaks running around this district lately."

you step closer, jungwon doesn't look back—but he knows you're there. you can feel it in the way his body stiffens. "she's cute," the neighbor says suddenly, peeking past him. you freeze, jungwon doesn't. he laughs, a soft, too-sweet laugh.

"yeah," he says. "she's mine." his. not my girlfriend. not my partner. just mine. the guy raises his hands, "damn. got it."

but you make eye contact with him, just for a second. your eyes plead and your hand trembles. and you manage to take one single step forward before jungwon subtly presses a hand behind his back—where you know the chainsaw can come out, just out of view.

the guy pauses, his eyes flicker between you and jungwon. he opens his mouth—then closes it again. "take care," he mutters, handing the box over. "she's lucky to have you."

jungwon smiles and slams the door shut, the silence afterward is unbearable. you turn, but he's already behind you. smiling, still smiling. but it's not real, not this time. "you looked at him," he says softly. "like i wasn't standing right here."

you swallow, "jungwon—" "did you want him to help you?" he steps forward. "was that your plan?" you immediately shake your head, "i didn't—"

"or was it just fun?" he grabs your face, gentle but unyielding. "flirting like that in front of me? after everything i've done for you?" his voice stays even, calm—like this is just a conversation. but his fingers press harder against your jaw. "i let you live," he says quietly. "i let you eat, sleep, breathe."

"you said you loved me—"

"i do." his voice breaks slightly, but his eyes don't. "and i'll kill for you. i'll kill you, if you make me." you don't cry, you don't flinch, you just stare. because for the first time, you understand— jungwon isn't trying to win you over anymore. he already thinks you belong to him.

now he's just making sure you don't forget it. "i let you eat, sleep, breathe," his voice still echoes in your head. he's watching you now, silent, the way a storm watches a city before it floods. you sit on the edge of the bed, he hasn't moved since the neighbor left and you haven't either.

until finally, "get up," he says. "on your knees." you blink, "jungwon—" "you wanted him, didn't you?" his voice is deceptively soft, like he's sad. like you hurt him. "you looked at him like that on purpose. i'm not stupid."

you shake your head, "no—i didn't—" "then prove it." he takes a step forward and you tense. he crouches in front of you, kneels down, and cups your face with both hands. his thumbs brush under your eyes like he's checking for lies. "say sorry." you do, but it's not enough. "mean it." "i do—"

he tsk's, "then make it up to me," his voice dips. low, needy, possessive. "you're mine. you said it. you live here. you sleep in my bed. so act like it." he pushes you back onto the mattress—not rough, but assertive. it happens so fast you barely register it. his hands go under your shirt, he mouths at your neck and you shiver. "i don't want anything from you," he whispers, breath hot against your skin. "i just need to feel you. need to know you're still here. still mine."

his mouth moves lower, "you're not allowed to want anyone else. you understand that, right?" you nod. he doesn't see, so you say it. "yes."

"say you're mine."

"i'm yours."

"say you'll never leave me again."

your heart stutters, his tongue is already sliding between your thighs. "say it."

"i won't—i won't leave you." he groans like your promise is something holy. "good girl," he whispers, voice dark. "then take it." he doesn't ask for anything in return, not tonight. but his mouth is relentless—all-consuming. obsessive. he makes you cum twice, never breaking eye contact. every twitch, every moan, every desperate gasp is proof that you're his.

after, when you're limp and shaky, he pulls you into his lap and strokes your hair. "see?" he murmurs. "you don't need anyone else." you don't answer and you don't sleep. because you know now—he's getting too comfortable.

you were always a prize, but now you're a possession and there's no version of this story where he lets you go.

⛧⃝

it starts the night he falls asleep with his arm over your waist, breath warm against your neck, fingers curled loosely around your wrist like a shackle he forgot he was holding. you stay still until his breathing evens out. until the weight of his presence stops pressing and starts simply existing.

then, slowly, carefully—you slide out of his hold. your bare feet hit the floor without a sound. the apartment is silent except for the ticking of that damn broken clock on the kitchen wall. the one jungwon refuses to fix. "i like how it always says 3 a.m.," he told you once. "feels like time stops when we're together." you believed him then, now you're not so sure.

you pull on one of his oversized shirts—not because you want to, but because your own clothes are gone. thrown out weeks ago after your little 'drugging my tea' incident.

"you don't need them," he said. "you look better in mine." the kitchen is cold, your fingertips skim the edges of drawers, cabinets, picture frames. you don't know what you're looking for until you find it. a panel behind the bottom bookshelf — barely noticeable, like someone meant to hide it. you pry it open.

inside: a leather-bound notebook, pages yellowed, brittle, ink smudged with time. you flip it open. "chainsaw devil sighted in busan. not a contract. a merger." your blood runs cold. page after page, detailed logs from a devil hunter. someone who knew what jungwon became, someone who saw it happen.

"the chainsaw devil doesn't just make pacts," one entry reads. "it devours. it possesses. it feasts on obsession—especially the kind that pretends to be love." you keep reading, "once the host gives in emotionally, there's no going back. the only way to break the bond is through emotional rejection —but it has to be real. the host has to willingly sever the tie. anything else just strengthens it."

your hands shake, jungwon didn't choose this. he wasn't born like this, he was consumed. maybe still is. you think of the way he touches you now—like he's entitled to it. like your body is a ritual, not a person. you think of waking up with his mouth already between your thighs, his eyes glassy with need, saying: "you're the only thing that keeps me human."

you think of how your skin feels like it doesn't belong to you anymore. you snap the journal shut. and then—"baby?"

you freeze, his voice is sleepy. rough. too close. you turn and see that he's standing in the doorway, shirtless, rubbing his eyes. there's a red imprint on his cheek from your pillow.

"why're you up?" he murmurs. "bed's cold." you grip the notebook behind your back. "i couldn't sleep." he steps closer, you keep your expression neutral. "i missed you," he says, gaze soft but unreadable. "come back." you smile, it's fake, but it's practiced.

"yeah. okay." he kisses your temple and leads you back to bed. he wraps himself around you like he never plans to let go. and you think: he won't. you clutch the journal tighter, you have a weapon now. you just don't know how to use it yet.

"what were you doing in the kitchen last night?" you freeze mid-pour, the sound of tea spilling into your mug suddenly too loud. jungwon's voice is quiet—not soft, not this time. it lingers in the doorway like smoke, head tilted just slightly, that permanent kind expression resting too gently on his face.

you don't look up, "i thought i heard something," you answer. "like... rattling. maybe the wind." you pray he buys it. jungwon hums, the sound low, almost thoughtful. he moves to stand behind you, arms sliding around your waist, cheek resting against your temple. you're not comforted. "funny," he murmurs. "i didn't hear anything."

"you were sleeping," you try to brush off. "i always hear you." you tense, barely—but he catches it. "you're lying to me, aren't you?" your heart stutters, you try to laugh, force a small smile. "seriously? i got a glass of water." he pulls back just enough to meet your eyes. there's something flat in his stare now, calculating.

"didn't i tell you before?" he whispers. "if there's anything bothering you, you can tell me. i'll take care of it." you just smile softly, "i'm fine." he doesn't look convinced, his brows furrowed, "hm." he lets you go, but his gaze lingers.

you're more careful now. you return the notebook the next morning when he goes out to the market —nestling it back behind the false panel, just as you found it. you wipe the edges of the bookshelf, brush your hair. smile when he returns, arms full of fresh fruit and tofu and the cheap little candies you once told him you liked.

"you remembered," you say, voice light. "of course i did." that afternoon, you read in the sunlit living room while he showers. you turn a page, eyes scanning the text—but your mind is somewhere else entirely.

he didn't believe you, you know it and worse—you saw him change. not visibly. not all at once. but the way his fingers twitched against your wrist, as if resisting the urge to tighten. the way his smile didn't quite reach his eyes when you lied to him. the way he kissed your neck that morning, slower than usual, lingering like a warning.

he's spiralling, and so are you.

later that night, you pretend to sleep. jungwon moves around the apartment in near-silence. you feel him pause by the bookshelf. hear the low creak of wood shifting. the telltale scrape of the false panel opening. you keep your breathing steady, shallow. you wait, your heart beating in anticipation.

there's a long pause, then the soft thump of the panel sliding closed. a few heartbeats later, he climbs into bed beside you. his arms wrap around your middle again. same as always.

but his grip? it's just a little tighter now.

⛧⃝

the day feels too normal.

jungwon makes you breakfast again—eggs over rice, scallions chopped thin, pickled radish on the side just how you like it. you catch him watching you between bites, but when you look up, he only smiles. "you're quiet today," he says. "so are you."

he frowns at your retort, "but you're the one i worry about." you don't answer but your throat feels thick, tight with the weight of what you know. that notebook, those pages and the truth of what's inside him—what's maybe controlling him, even if he thinks it's love.

he cups your cheek gently and brushes your lower lip with his thumb. "you've been sleeping better, right?" you nod, because that's what he wants. his smile softens, "good. you deserve to rest." he clears the table, washes the dishes without a word. there's something so human about it—the way his shoulders hunch, the way his sleeves get wet. he even hums a little, under his breath, some tune you don't recognize.

and for a second, you forget. for a second, you almost let yourself believe this is what it looks like. normal. safe.

it's hours later when he comes to you. you're curled on the futon, eyes half-lidded from the heat, body loose with stillness. jungwon slides down beside you wordlessly, head resting on your thigh. his fingers graze the bare skin above your knee. "do you remember," he murmurs, "the first time i saw you?" you swallow, "yeah."

"you smiled at me," he looks up at you now, chin resting on your leg, gaze dark. "you were so soft. so kind. even when everyone else was screaming." he traces a slow line down your calf. not threatening, not yet. "i thought maybe you were sent to save me." you laugh, but it's empty, "i'm not the saving type."

"no," he whispers. "you're not." he shifts up slowly—arms bracing on either side of you, eyes searching your face. he looks so gentle, too gentle. "but you're mine." his kiss is quiet at first—feather-light, pressing to your cheek, the corner of your mouth, your throat. then deeper, hungrier.  his hands are slow, reverent, brushing beneath your shirt like he's asking even though you both know he won't stop if you say no.

"let me take care of you tonight," he breathes. "just... let me do this." you don't say yes but you don't say no. you don't stop him when he pushes your thighs apart. don't flinch when he kisses down your stomach, mouthing against the soft skin just above your core like it's holy. like it's his last prayer. "i just want to taste you again," he whispers. "just this. nothing else."

his hands tug down your pajamas, his eyes glassy as he admires your soft skin and the panties the he had bought you. his fingers grace the lacey fabric softly making you shiver, seeing your reaction—he smirks. he pulls down the thin fabric next, his pupils dilating before he's jutting his tongue out to wet his lips.

he's careful, at first. tongue slow, touch restrained. one hand anchored against your inner thigh, the other curled tight in the blanket as if he's holding himself back from something darker. your breath catches and your hips twitch.

his tongue glides down your slit, gathering your slick before swirling it around your clit. you shudder when you feel him blow softly against your sensitive bud, your stomach tightening at a dangerous rate.  "there you go," he murmurs, mouth warm against you. "that's it. that's my good girl."

he doesn't ask for anything in return, but you feel it—how close he is to needing more. how the restraint is slipping, how his fingers keep flexing, like he's debating whether to grab your wrists. to pin you open. to make you beg.

you cum. but he keeps going like he wants to pull another one out of you with devotion alone. and when he finally stops—lips slick and eyes glassy, he kisses the inside of your thigh, then crawls back up to hold you close. "you belong here," he whispers against your hair. "with me." you say nothing, you don't move.

your skin still tingles. but inside your mind, all you can hear is the notebook's warning: "it devours. it possesses. it feasts on obsession—especially the kind that pretends to be love."

he's softer the next morning, arms wrapped around your waist, cheek pressed between your shoulder blades, breathing steady. you pretend to be asleep. you've gotten good at that. he shifts slightly, you feel the faintest press of his lips against your back. "you were so good for me last night," he whispers, barely audible. "you let me love you."

and just like that, your stomach knots. you sit with it for hours. the notebook's words echo over and over, carved into your thoughts like scripture. "the chainsaw doesn't just destroy devils. it becomes what it's fed."

"it hungers for love. for ownership. for submission."

"feed it the illusion. let it believe you belong to it. and when it's full... strike."

your hands shake as you pour the tea, he kisses your temple and doesn't notice.

it starts that night. you wait until he's tucked into you again, his body curled around yours like armor. "jungwon," you say quietly, he freezes—just for a second. he always does when you speak first, "hm?"

"you want me, right?" and his breath stutters. "don't ask stupid questions," he says. "you know i do." you pause, "then show me."

he's still, "you're not just saying that?" he asks carefully, eyes locked onto yours. "you're not trying to trick me?" you smile—soft, sweet, practiced. "i want to be yours." and that's all it takes.

his hands tremble at first. not with nerves but with restraint. he touches you like he's still afraid you'll disappear if he pushes too fast. but you open for him willingly, wrap your arms around his neck. kiss him with something close to hunger.

he swears softly, "you're finally mine," he murmurs, voice wrecked. "you're finally letting me—" you pull him in and silence him with your lips. his pants are half-off before he even realizes you've taken control of the pace—the kiss deepening, your legs parting, hips rising to meet him.

"slow," you whisper. "go slow." one hand wraps around your throat while the other reaches down to push down his boxers, his girth slapping his stomach—painfully hard.

you let him help you shimmy of your pants and panties in one go, his fingers tracing over you but you stop him. "no, i want it in me. please wonnie."

jungwon swore he could cum right there in that moment, he pushes in like he's savoring every inch—breath ragged, one hand cradling your face, the other gripping your waist like he'll break you if he holds any tighter. "fuck," he whispers. "you feel like... you were made for me."

you make a soft noise in response—the kind that makes him kiss your throat, your shoulder, your chest. desperate little worships between thrusts. his rhythm never falters. deep, deliberate. devotional. you moan for him, just enough. his eyes flutter shut and he doesn't realize that you're watching him.

doesn't realize that you're memorizing every weak spot. every place his mind drifts too far into the illusion—where he forgets to guard himself. where his heart starts to override his instincts. he doesn't realize this is the first time you've truly felt powerful since he pulled you into his world.

and it's not power in the way he wants it, it's yours.

jungwon's moaning into your ear, his thrusts getting impossibly deeper as he speaks gibberish. "s-so close, let me cum inside," he whines. you feel your throat tighten, you want to say no. "okay—okay. cum inside me, wonnie. m'wanna feel you." you could feel jungwon twitch at your words, "m'gonna fill you up. g-gonna make you swell with my kids," he hisses softly before he falls apart.

you shudder when he finishes, you feel full. his cum thick and warm, coating your insides perfectly. after, he wraps you in his arms like you're something sacred. he breathes against your temple, murmuring things you don't care to hold onto.

his cock is still soft inside you, his heartbeat is loud and his mind is quiet. for once, you stare at the ceiling and you begin to plan.

he hums while brushing your hair, it's barely morning. the sun filters through the curtains in narrow strips of gold, and you're seated in his lap, head tipped forward while he runs a comb through your hair like it's the most sacred task in the world.

"you were so good last night," he says. "i've never felt that close to anyone before." you don't respond, you don't need to. he's content to speak for both of you now. "i know it's different for you. i know you're still... adjusting. but i can feel it. i know you're starting to love me back."

you turn your head slightly, just enough for your cheek to brush against his shoulder. "i'm trying," you whisper, he kisses the top of your head. you've learned how to say what he wants to hear. when to touch him, when to flinch. everything is calculated now, the act has become second nature.

you start keeping track of his habits, what time he sleeps deepest. where he leaves his coat. how long his showers last. how sharp his chainsaw arm looks after he cleans it. you cook for him, you sit close. you let him take you apart with his mouth at night, even when you don't want to. especially when you don't want to. because the closer he thinks you are to surrender, the more careless he becomes.

"i love making you feel good," he mumbles one night, face buried between your legs. "i don't need anything else. i could stay here forever." and you stroke his hair like you believe him.

the notebook is tucked beneath your mattress, wrapped in one of his old shirts. hidden, but close. you flip through its pages when you're alone, studying the margins where someone—maybe someone like you—had scrawled desperate notes in tiny handwriting.

"don't resist too obviously. it confuses it."

"the chainsaw doesn't want a pet. it wants a partner. fake that."

"the moment it believes it's loved, it softens. that's when it can be hurt."

"but if you get it wrong—if it knows you're lying, it will never stop."

you read the last one twice, and then again.

he starts asking questions after a few days, "why were you up last night?" you blink at him over your tea, "i wasn't." he looks at you with an unreadable expression, "you were. i heard you in the kitchen." you feign confusion, "i thought i heard something outside. it was nothing."

he watches you for a moment too long, his hand finds yours, "you'd tell me if something was wrong, wouldn't you?" you squeeze back, "of course."

that night, you put the notebook back exactly where he left it. he checks in the morning and you hear the rustle of paper. the silence that follows, then his footsteps. "you moved it." you look up from the couch, play dumb. "what?"

"the book. it wasn't where i left it," your pulse quickens—but you don't let it show. "i bumped into the shelf while cleaning. maybe it fell." he doesn't speak, you can feel his eyes scanning you, hungry and suspicious all at once. then his shoulders relax. "you should be more careful," he murmurs. "some things shouldn't be touched."

you nod, you smile. and you tuck the warning away like another page in your survival manual. you read the book every moment you can. the cursed one—warped at the spine, its pages always warm, like flesh. it calls to you, louder than jungwon's voice, more constant than his touch. it tells you things he never did. things you were never supposed to know. how the devil inside him, the chainsaw—isn't a parasite. it's a pact, a bond sealed in blood and want. and like all devils, it feeds off something.

not just fear. not just violence but obsession, love. and then, you find the rule. to summon the chainsaw devil, to separate it from the host—he must truly believe you love him. your breath catches and you understand. you can't fight him physically, you can't outrun him you can't outsmart him—not forever. but if you can trick the devil, if you can make jungwon believe he's won—you might get one chance. one moment to call it by name, to break the bond, to be free.

so you act.

you hold his hand when he offers it, you smile when he kisses you. you let him touch. let him whisper things in your ear like "you're the only thing keeping me sane." you play the part. when he brings you breakfast in bed—eggs shaped like hearts, toast carved with your initials —you giggle. when he curls around you in the middle of the night, you kiss his forehead and whisper i love you into his hair. he believes it, he has to.

every time you press your lips to his skin, you taste iron. the chainsaw inside him purrs, satisfied.

it takes weeks, weeks of laying beside him while bile rises in your throat. weeks of burying the nightmares, of faking softness, of giving him everything he wants just short of your soul. he gets softer, relaxed and his guard slips. his need to control you shifts into smugness—the way he watches you fold laundry like a housewife, the way he smirks when you crawl into his lap with big, empty eyes.

he thinks he's won and that's when you start preparing. because you've done your part. and soon—the devil will do his. you don't sleep anymore, not really. even when your body gives in—even when the sheets are warm and jungwon's arms are around you, breath steady against your neck, you never sink. you float, tethered to the ceiling, watching yourself from above. waiting.

waiting for him to crack, waiting for yourself to. so when he leaves for supplies, humming under his breath, you don't hesitate. you kneel in the center of the living room, floorboards creaking under your weight, and whisper the name that's been echoing in the back of your mind ever since that night.

"chainsaw man."

the lights flicker, then die. the room goes dark. too dark. a thick, suffocating black that swallows everything whole. and then it answers, it looks like jungwon at first. same face, same build, same sweet voice.

"you called me?" but the eyes are wrong, too wide, too still. no breath fogs the air around its mouth. its smile is too sharp—the kind that feels carved in. you swallow, "you're not him."

"i'm not. but i wear him well, don't i?" its voice warps mid-sentence, glitching, like too many mouths are speaking at once. it moves closer. "you've seen pieces of me. the things that wake you up at night. the parts of him that don't feel quite human." you stand your ground, "what are you?"it grins, "obsession. hunger. need. he made a deal and i made him whole."

"and the cost?" your voice trembles. "you," the word lands like a slap. "he didn't know it then," the devil adds, tilting its head. "but the moment he wanted you more than he wanted freedom, i had him." you feel sick, but you force the question out. "what if i give myself up instead?" silence, then the smile fades. "you're offering yourself... in his place?" you nod once, "take back what's yours. let him go. i'll give you everything."

the devil steps forward—slow, graceful. almost reverent. "tempting," it murmurs. "but he won't let go. not now. not ever." your head spins, "i'll convince him."

"you're welcome to try."

and then the door slams open, "what the fuck are you doing?" you turn, he's in the doorway, fists clenched, chest rising fast. his bag drops to the floor. his eyes are wide, and then they change. iris to ember, white to blood. and his arm—his arm rips open, bones cracking, metal grinding as the blade splits through his flesh, unfurling like a jagged bloom.

"you were going to give yourself to it?" the chainsaw roars to life and the floor trembles beneath your feet. "after everything? after me? after what we've shared?" you step backc "jungwon—" he cuts you off immediately, like his name out of your mouth burned him. "don't call me that," he snaps. "don't fucking pretend you still get to say my name."

the devil, still behind you—watches silently. amused. "i pitied you," you whisper. "i tried to love you. i tried to believe this was something real. but you turned it into a cage." he freezes and for the first time, he doesn't speak. his face crumbles, eyes too bright. blood trickling down his arm where the chainsaw roots into his shoulder, still whirring like it's hungry.

"you never loved me," he says, not a question—not even angry. just broken, "you lied." and the bond—the one you never agreed to, the one that kept your mouth shut and your hands folded, splinters. the devil behind you exhales and the air sharpens.

jungwon takes a step forward, you don't run. the chainsaw devil lingers in the room like a sickness—sprawled in the corner, grinning wide, eyes glowing red as it watches everything unfold like a stage play made just for him. jungwon is on his knees in front of you. blood smeared across his arms, jaw trembling, mouth moving faster than his mind can keep up.

"you love me," he whispers. "you do. you just... you forgot for a second. but it's okay, i can remind you—i can make you feel it again." you don't answer, you can't. the silence stretches and the devil laughs from the corner. a low, guttural sound like rusted machinery trying to breathe.

"oh, poor little dog," it drawls. "still begging." jungwon's head jerks toward it—chainsaw arm twitching, sparking but then he turns back to you, softer again. desperate. "don't listen to it," he pleads. "you know it's lying. you know we're real. all those nights, everything we shared... that was real, right?"

you swallow, your lips part but nothing comes out. and in that moment, he knows. his eyes darken, jaw clenching so hard you hear his teeth grind. he stands slowly, the weight of the truth sinking into his bones. "you used me," he says, voice flat. then again, louder—uglier. "you fucking used me." behind him, the chainsaw devil laughs louder, almost delighted.

"she played you like a goddamn fiddle," it says. "and you sang." the floor cracks beneath jungwon's feet as the air shifts. the chainsaw on his arm roars to life, screaming into the walls, sparks flying like a storm. his other hand slams into the wall beside your head, pinning you there —his face inches from yours, twisted in betrayal.

"was any of it real?" he growls. "did you even feel anything when i touched you? when i begged for you?" his voice breaks, but his grip doesn't and the devil leans forward, licking its lips. "this is my favorite part," it murmurs.

"you made me think we were in love," jungwon spits. "you made me believe it. you—" he drags the saw across the floor, leaving a deep gash in the wood. "you ruined everything." you flinch, breath shaking. your back hits the wall harder as he cages you in with his body. the heat of the saw burns close to your thigh, but he doesn't press it —not yet.

"say you love me," he snaps. "say it now. fix this. fix me." you stare at him and maybe he sees something in your eyes—not fear, not even hatred. just... exhaustion. you don't answer, you won't lie, not anymore.

he screams. loud, guttural, animal. the chainsaw slams into the doorframe beside you, sending chunks of it flying. and the devil? the devil just grins, red eyes gleaming like fire. "go on," it says. "show her what you really are." jungwon's breath shakes. his forehead presses against yours, and for a second, he's quiet again.

"we were supposed to be forever," he whispers. you don't move. you can't. and somewhere deep inside him, that final thread—the one holding him together, finally snaps. the chainsaw devil laughs like it's been waiting for this. it echoes through the room like a sickness, bouncing off the shattered windows, crawling up your spine like cold hands. smoke coils from the broken floorboards. blood seeps into the cracks. and in front of you, jungwon is no longer jungwon.

his chest rises and falls in jagged rhythm, chainsaw arm sputtering to life with a roar that shakes the walls. where his eyes used to hold tears, they now burn red-hot—not just glowing, but lit, like a furnace. his skin splits in places, veins pulsing black with whatever poison the devil's poured into him.

you don't see the boy who brought you breakfast in silence. you don't see the boy who begged for your love with a whisper. you see the devil's chosen vessel, "you lied to me," he snarls, voice cracking open. it's his voice, and something deeper. layered. possessed. "you fucking lied."

he steps forward and the air drops ten degrees. his saw-drenched arm whines as it revs again, teeth spinning like a threat, bright with heat. the tip grazes the ground, carving a line as he walks, sparks flying at your feet. behind him, the devil lounges lazily against the crumbling wall, watching like a cat with a caught bird. "ah," it says, almost purring, "my little host finally wakes up."

"shut up," jungwon growls without turning. he's trembling—not from weakness, but barely-contained rage. grief. betrayal. "i gave you everything," he says, jaw clenched so tight you hear it crack. "i gave you every part of me. i made you mine. i—" his voice breaks and his hand slams into the wall beside your head again, harder this time. the plaster cracks.

you flinch but you don't cry, you don't beg. you just stare and that's what finally does it. something shifts behind his eyes—something that unravels the last thread holding him together.

he screams, the chainsaw arm explodes to full power, carving the wall beside your head in half. the devil laughs, delighted, as jungwon's body convulses, more rage than reason. his other hand finds your throat but he doesn't squeeze, not yet. just holds, like he's trying to feel if your pulse still stutters for him.

"say it," he chokes. "say you love me. say it now and i'll stop. i'll put it away. i'll let you go." your lips part but nothing comes out and that's when he really loses it. he screams, not your name. not even words anymore—just raw, furious noise, ripping out of him like a chain being yanked from a throat.

the chainsaw arm slams into the wall beside your head, this time carving clean through it. drywall bursts apart, smoke thick in the air, and the heat of the blade is close enough to burn. his body shakes with rage, teeth bared, eyes wet and bloodshot—but they never leave yours. like even now, even after everything, you're the only thing anchoring him to this plane.

"was it all fake?" he pants, voice shredded. "every kiss, every look—? you let me touch you. you let me love you." you try to speak, to move but he's too close. his hand presses to your chest, flat and rough, right above your heart—feeling it beat. too fast. too scared.

"you wanted me," he whispers. "i know you did. your body never lied." you flinch and the devil cackles, still hunched in the corner like a grotesque shadow. "love me," jungwon snarls. "love me, or i swear to god—" his voice breaks and something in his posture crumbles. his body jerks once, and the chainsaw sputters, stalling—teeth clicking uselessly mid-air like a dying thing.

you watch it, watch him. you don't say anything, not because you're scared. but because you're done, done with the fear, done pretending. and in that silence, the refusal—he knows. his knees buckle slightly, just a moment. like the weight of your indifference is heavier than any chainsaw could be. his hand drops from your chest, not out of mercy—out of loss. you see it in his face, that he knows he's already lost you.

"...i would've killed for you," he says, so quiet it's almost nothing. "i did." the devil stirs, its head tilts, grin sharpening. "don't be shy now," it purrs, eyes glowing hotter. "she's right there. and you've already ruined her, haven't you?" jungwon turns to it, slowly. his eyes hollow. you barely catch the movement before it happens—a shudder that starts in his spine, rippling outward like static and the chainsaw flares back to life, screaming.

he's not even looking at you anymore, just the devil. "get out," he says, voice shaking and the devil blinks, confused. "...what?" jungwon's arm snaps—blade pointed directly at it, trembling, firelight dancing off blood-soaked teeth. "get out of me." the devil snarls. "you ungrateful little—" but it doesn't finish. because you say it again—quiet, deliberate: "jungwon."

his head jerks, your voice cuts cleaner than the chainsaw ever could and something shifts. the light in his eyes flickers, behind him, the devil stares at you. like it knows, like it feels the bond fracturing. the room begins to shake, you don't stop. "you're not it," you whisper. "you're you. come back." for a second, one impossible second—the chainsaw dies down again. but this time, the devil screams. a sound so loud it cracks the walls.

and suddenly, jungwon is shaking—teeth clenched, hand twisted in his own hair, the saw jerking erratically as the devil fights to keep hold. his body writhes in place, caught between two fires. and you know, this is it. either he wins, or the devil does. your voice cracks as you say it again, stepping forward even though your knees nearly give.

"jungwon. come back to me."

he looks at you—and this time, he chooses. his eyes meet yours. for once, there's no bloodlust behind them. no rage. no hunger. just jungwon and for a moment—he's back. his mouth parts like he wants to say something but the chainsaw devil inside him roars instead. the scream tears through his throat, shaking the whole room. he drops to his knees like he's being pulled down by something inside him, clawing at his chest, his arm, like he's trying to rip it out. sparks spit from the chainsaw—it jerks wildly, carving into the floor, the walls, the air.

and behind him, the devil stumbles backward. eyes wide, furious. "don't you dare—" it snarls, smoke curling from its mouth. it tries to surge forward, but it can't. it's tethered to him, chained through him. and you? you're breaking that chain.

you step toward jungwon slowly and kneel beside him. he's still trembling, gasping like his lungs are full of ash, blood dripping from his nose, his mouth, his fingertips—but he looks at you like you're the only thing keeping him here. his hand twitches toward yours, desperate, scared, small. "don't let it take me," he breathes. "please." your throat closes up and you touch his face, gently. his skin is burning hot, too hot. like something inside him is boiling over but he leans into your hand.

and you say the only thing you can, "then let go." he shakes his head—violently, panicked. "i can't— it'll kill me—" "it'll kill everything," you whisper. "me. you. what's left of you. is that what you want?" his breath catches, he looks at you like you've stabbed him and maybe you have. his lips part. "...no." and then with a shudder that cracks the floor beneath him—he lets go.

his body seizes once, twice, and the chainsaw arm explodes in a burst of steam and fire. the room lights up like a furnace, heat licking the walls, and the scream the devil lets out isn't human. it's a beast dying slowly, violently—its voice splitting like a dozen rusted engines tearing apart at once.

"no—" it wails. "you need me—!" jungwon doesn't answer he just closes his eyes and breathes. behind him, the chainsaw devil cracks, splits down the middle like a mirror hit with a hammer. its body tears itself open from the inside, light and ash spilling out like a dying sun. and in the silence that follows—it's gone. you watch silently, your body numb.

the room goes still and jungwon slumps forward into your arms. burned. broken. bleeding. but human. you hold him for a long time, long enough for his breath to slow. his eyes flutter open just once and he whispers your name like he's saying sorry.

you don't speak, you just hold him tighter until he falls asleep.

you leave the next morning, quietly—carefully.

you don't look back, and on your way out as the door shuts behind you—you don't see it: the faint glint in the cracked floorboards. a single, jagged chainsaw tooth, left behind.

still warm, still waiting.

⛧⃝

you find him months later. no one talks about what happened, the city forgets quickly—blood fades, bodies rot, buildings fall and no one remembers the screams.

but you do, you always will.

he's not dead, you knew he wouldn't be. he's somewhere out past the edge of the city—where the devils don't go, where the silence hums louder than anything else. an old shack with no doors, just shadows. no lights, just him.

you step inside, heart in your throat. he's waiting, sitting on the floor like he never left it. legs pulled up, arms resting loosely over his knees. his head tilts when he sees you, "you came back," he murmurs. not a question, not surprised—but like he always knew.

you don't answer, he looks the same but dimmer. like the light was cut off from inside with only traces of red burn behind his eyes now, smoldering like coals. quiet. patient. lethal.

"i thought you hated me," he says. "i did," you say back, your eyes searching his.  "still do?" you hesitate, and that's enough. he smiles, slow and sharp. "it's okay," he says softly. "you don't have to lie. you were always good at pretending." you take a step back but he doesn't move. just watches you—like a predator that already knows you're too tired to run.

"did you really think it'd be over?" he asks, head tilting again. "that killing the devil would kill me too?" his voice is calm, but the air vibrates around it. something unnatural, something wrong.

"you played the game," he says, eyes narrowing. "but you forgot the rule." your breath catches and his grin grows wider. "you don't kill a devil with love," he leans forward. "you feed it."

your fingers twitch, the old instinct to run kicking in too late. he stands—slow, deliberate and walks until he's close, too close.

and then he whispers, right into your ear: "you're never escaping chainsaw man's clutches."

your blood runs cold, behind him, in the shadows, you swear you see something twitch. teeth. blades. smoke curling like fingers reaching out again.

and still, he smiles—because he knows. because he's still in there.

because you let him in—and now he's never letting go.

— enjoy this fic? check out my other ones right here!

[kalizzz]

KAOSOEJDJWJE SO CUTE

NOTHING SAFE IS WORTH THE DRIVE - L.HS

pairing: playboy!heeseung x inexperienced!reader

summary: lee heeseung was an asshole. you had decided that. having to work with him on a group project made things a hundred times worse. but when a heart longing to experience love for the first time meets someone more than willing to give it, the line between irritation and something deeper starts to blur.

wc: 37.9k (i’m sorry)

warnings: reader is completely inexperienced, angst, miscommunication, reader falls too quickly and gets flustered very easily, kinda slow burn but not really, heeseung plays basketball but it’s barely mentioned, heeseung calls reader “princess” a lot, kissing, making out, features wonyoung (ive), yunjin (le sserafim), beomgyu (txt), sieun (stayc), reader cries a lot

smut warnings: dry humping, oral (f rec.), unprotected sex, virginity loss

🎵: playlist

notes: it’s here!! i'm SO sorry this took so long, i was having issues with tumblr :( this was originally only supposed to be 20k words… idk what happened. but it’s a rollercoaster and i love it!!! have fun reading! <3

you had heard of him before you ever saw him. everyone knew his name- whispered in dorm hallways, watched at games, the life of the party. a reputation built on charm, late-night hookups, and the kind of confidence that made girls fall to his feet with every word he said. you never cared to pay him any mind. but today, you walked into class and found him sitting in your seat. lee heeseung. just your luck. you hesitated for half a second before walking up to him. he was hunched over his phone, tapping out a message, looking about as invested in being here as a teenager at their grandma’s bingo game. "that’s my seat." his eyes flicked up at you, slow and lazy, like you’d interrupted something important. he gave you a once-over- casual, unreadable- and then, just as plainly, looked back at his phone. "doesn’t have your name on it." you exhaled sharply. of course. "i’ve been sitting here all semester." "congrats." he didn’t even look at you this time. "find another spot." and just like that, every rumor, every complaint you’d heard about him settled into place. arrogant. entitled. exactly the kind of guy you had no patience for. fine. whatever. you weren’t about to argue with someone who clearly wasn’t worth the energy. wordlessy, you drop into the seat beside him, pull out your notebook, and act like he doesn’t exist. he didn’t pay you any mind after that, instead shifting so he was leaned back against the seat, his feet kicked out in front of him. you wondered what made heeseung so popular with the ladies. sure, he was attractive. that much was undeniable. sadly. but you had barely had a ten second interaction with him, and he had already managed to piss you off. you bit the inside of your cheek, holding back a sigh as you waited for the professor to show up. the universe had to have been out for you today. you woke up late, you’re out of your go-to breakfast bars, and you’re sitting next to lee heeseung in class. you were silently praying nothing worse could happen. you hadn’t signed up for this. you were just trying to get through this class and move on with your day. but here you were, next to the campus playboy himself, the guy who never seemed to take anything seriously, the guy who had a different girl on his arm every weekend. you tried not to look over at him. you really did. but he practically radiated attention. his messy hair fell perfectly in place, and his broad shoulders took up way too much space for someone who was so annoying. heeseung wasn’t talking to you, but you could feel his presence next to you, and it was somehow more distracting than if he had been talking to you. the way his fingers tapped on the desk, the faint cologne smell that wafted over to you, even the way his shoes shifted against the floor- it was like he was intentionally making everything around him more noticeable. you hated how easily he commanded the room. you hated that even now, you were aware of him more than anyone else. and of course, the universe had to pick today to make you sit right next to him. of course, it had to be this class, the one you hated the most. the one you dreaded attending every single day. you were so deep in thought that you barely noticed when your professor- dr. kim- walked in, snapping you out of your spiral. he glanced up from his notes, then scanned the room with a smile. “alright, everyone,” dr. kim began, “i’ve got the group project assignments here. please try to work well with your partners, and don't hesitate to reach out if you have any questions.” your eyes widened slightly at his words, gulping as your eyes flickered down to your notebook. group project? there had been no mention of this before. or maybe there was, and you just forgot.

  there was one thing about you. you hated group projects. they were the bane of your existence. you preferred to work alone, at your own pace, and not having to be stressed out by a freeloader or have awkward study sessions that consisted of deafening silence. "and for the final pair…" dr. kim’s voice broke through your haze, "y/n and heeseung." fuck. of course, the universe was never on your side. your eyes shot to him automatically, your stomach doing a flip that had nothing to do with excitement. his eyes flickered to meet yours, his expression unreadable. and then, a quirk of his lips and a tilt of his head. like he was observing you. you groaned internally, wishing for nothing more than for the floor to swallow you whole, turning your gaze back to your notebook. the professor was still talking, but all you could focus on was how you'd somehow ended up in this mess. you barely met this guy, he was an ass, and now you had to work on a project with him. “guess we better get used to each other, huh?” heeseung’s voice was low and casual, breaking the silence between you two. you forced a smile, nodding at him, “i guess.” you were already dreading the next few weeks. you sat in silence for the rest of the class. he didn’t speak to you, and you didn’t speak to him. you wondered if things would’ve gone differently if your morning had gone better, or if heeseung hadn’t been such an asshole. you couldn’t wait to tell wonyoung and yunjin about how shitty your day was already. as dr. kim wrapped up, you sat there, wondering just how you were going to survive this. there was no way to escape the fact that you were going to have to work with heeseung. you only hoped you’d survive it with your sanity intact. he had already proved just how arrogant he could be. the moment dr. kim dismisses class, you’re up out of your seat, dying to get out of this hell-sent class and to the comfort of your go-to café with your friends. you’re so close to the door when you hear his voice- smooth and casual, like he owns the place. “hey, y/n,” heeseung calls, and you freeze, your hand still on the strap of your bag. you turn to face him, trying to hide the frustration written all over your face. “yeah?” you reply, fighting to keep your tone neutral, but he can hear the hint of annoyance in it anyway. he flashes that signature smirk of his, leaning casually against the desk like he owns the whole room. “we’re gonna need to exchange numbers for the project,” he says, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “so we can work around my basketball stuff, y’know? i can’t really be falling behind.” you feel your eye twitch. of course anything other than class would be more important to him. the star player of the basketball team is unable to commit to a school project. you push the annoyance aside, instead reaching into your back pocket and pulling out your phone. “sure,” you mutter, handing it to him after opening the phone app. you can’t help but notice how his fingers brush against yours, the touch sending a small chill through you. he taps a few things into your phone before handing it back. “i’ll text you later,” he says, his smile a little too knowing. you can already feel the heat rising in your cheeks, but you refuse to give him the satisfaction of letting him see it. you nod curtly and turn on your heels, heading straight out the door.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

“and then i woke up late! nothing is working out today!” you whisper-shout, dramatically letting your head fall into your hands as wonyoung watches you with a smile, yunjin scrolling on her phone and only halfway listening to your angry rant. “so, how’s that class going?” wonyoung asks, her tone casual as she stirs her drink. “you still surviving?” you had told them how much you hated your history class, practically having a complaint about something every time you attended it. “barely,” you mumble, finally lifting your head from your hands. “we got assigned group projects today.” wonyoung puffs out a breath of air, squinting her eyes. “brutal. who’d you get paired with?” you glance at her, your face blank, silently hoping she can see the despair in your eyes as you groan, throwing your head back in annoyance before mumbling, “lee heeseung.” you hear yunjin gasp slightly, looking back to see her finally staring at you with wide eyes before slamming her phone down on the table. “wait… heeseung?” she asks, a disbelieving scoff slipping past her lips. “as in the heeseung who’s like… the playboy basketball player?” you nod slowly, suddenly feeling way more nervous than you’d like to admit, “yep. that heeseung.” wonyoung laughs softly, pushing your shoulder with her arm. “no way. the universe really hates you, doesn’t it?” you glare at her, flipping her off with an eye roll, “it’s not funny. i’m gonna slam my head into the nearest wall.” “let’s not do that,” yunjin shakes her head, placing her chin on her palm as she tilts her head at you, “what’s the big deal, anyway? he’s just a player.” you sigh, playing with the rim of your cup while shaking your head, “he was an absolute ass this morning. it was like… the worst first impression of anyone i’ve ever had. i actually can’t deal with that for a whole project on top of the class already being a shithole.” wonyoung leans back in her chair slightly, looking at you with an amused smile. “he can’t be that bad. maybe you’re just having a bad day and he happened to rub you the wrong way.” you roll your eyes, but her words don’t make you feel any better. “yeah, sure.” “plus,” yunjin adds, leaning forward with a smirk, “maybe you can have some fun. i mean, make the most of it. you’re working with lee heeseung. most girls would kill to be in your spot.” you stare at them both, you lips parted in slight disbelief.  “yeah, well they can have him.” the two girls smile at you, clearly more entertained by your suffering and how overdramatic you were. you bring up another topic, eager to get the attention off of you and your project from hell, instead shifting the focus to yunjin’s project in music theory.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

wonyoung was wrong. horribly wrong. heeseung was that bad. you check your phone for the fifth time in the last ten minutes, the glowing screen mocking you with the time. heeseung was supposed to be here half an hour ago. thirty whole minutes. you sigh, your fingers tightening around your phone. you had already texted him- a simple, are you still coming?- but it was staring back at you with “delivered” right under it. your fingers tap against the table impatiently as you stare down at the open laptop in front of you. the library is quieter than usual, the hum of low voices and the occasional rustle of pages filling the space. you consider packing up and leaving, your hands beginning to collect the pencils and highlighters you had set out around you. “you’re pretty dedicated to this, aren’t you?” you don’t even need to look up to know who it is. finally. slowly, you lift your gaze, leveling heeseung with an unimpressed stare. he’s standing there, hands stuffed into the pockets of his hoodie, looking completely unbothered. like he hasn’t just left you waiting for half an hour. “you’re half an hour late,” you deadpan. heeseung grins, like he finds your irritation amusing. “technicalities.” you scoff, shaking your head. “you said we’d meet at six.” “yeah, and i meant it,” he says, smirking at the way you roll your eyes. “it’s just that… time is a social construct.” is he fucking serious. you gape at him, your eyebrows furrowed. “are you seriously trying to use philosophy as an excuse?” “would you rather me lie?” he asks, finally sitting, slinging his backpack onto the table. “i’d prefer you actually care about this project. it’s a huge part of our grade, heeseung.” he waves a dismissive hand, pulling his laptop out of his backpack. “relax, princess. i’m here now, aren’t i?” you gulp at the nickname, turning your head back to your laptop to open up the assignment. “barely,” you mumble. heeseung chuckles, enjoying your annoyance. “fine. i had practice, it ran later than expected.” “that’s all you had to say,” you reply, your eyes flickering up to meet his, “and a text would’ve been nice.”

“can’t really text when i’m on the court, princess.” he shoots back, tilting his head with a smile. you exhale sharply, already regretting ever agreeing to meet with him. “can we just start? we’re already behind schedule.” luckily, he agrees, his eyes drifting to his own laptop. you sigh, your own attention drifting back to your laptop. all you can do is hope that things begin to go smoother than this at some point. because right now, you’re considering slamming your head into your laptop or the table. you try to focus, you really do. but it’s hard when every few minutes, heeseung is moving. drumming his fingers against the table, shifting in his seat, clicking his pen as he reads articles on his computer. finally, you snap, your eyes looking up at him from your screen. “are you always this restless, or do you just have an allergy to being productive?” heeseung blinks at you, lips quirking up like he finds your irritation entertaining. “nah, i’m just bored. this class is stupid.” “why are you like this?” you roll your eyes, glaring at him. “even if this class is stupid, it’s still an important project.” “like what?” he tilts his head, all faux innocence, completely ignoring your second statement. “charming? fun to be around?” you scoff. “you were late. plus you were a dick this morning.” heeseung chuckles, shaking his head lightly. “c’mon, princess. loosen up a bit. you’re making a big deal over nothing.” “look, i had a shitty day. you’re not making it any better,” you mutter, scoffing again. a voice in the back of your head wonders if you’ve broken the world record for scoffing this much in five minutes. heeseung leans forward, resting his chin on one hand. “i’m sorry. you know… i’m pretty good at relieving stress.” your jaw drops. “excuse me?” you clear your throat, trying to ignore the way his words have a blush creeping up your cheeks, instead turning your attention back to your laptop. “just focus on your work, heeseung. we need to plan out who’s gonna do what part.” you don’t miss how he tilts his head, a knowing smile on his lips as he clicks his tongue, nodding. “alright. just remember we have to work around my schedule.” you let out a groan, your head rolling back as you look back towards him. “heeseung!” he only laughs in response, shaking his head at how you get embarrassed when other students give you dirty glares. “sorry,” you mumble softly, your eyes glaring at him. “focus.” an hour later, you guys had made relatively good progress. you had divided tasks, and heeseung had done his work, for the most part. he still found every opportunity to get on your nerves, but at least he did so while being productive. you both pack up in silence, swinging your bag over your shoulder. you spare him a glance, mumbling out a small, “bye, heeseung.”

just as you step outside, you hear the unmistakable sound of sneakers scuffing against the pavement behind you, “where you headed?” you turn your head slightly to see heeseung strolling up beside you, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his hoodie as he looks down at you. “my dorm,” you reply, shifting your bag higher on your shoulder, “it’s late.” he nods, shrugging as he continues to walk next to you, “i’ll walk you.” you stop in your tracks, turning to face him with narrowed eyes. “why?” he tilts his head, raising his eyebrows slightly. “why not? i have nothing else to do.” “because…” you search for a logical reason, but there really seems to be none. you blurt out the only excuse that comes to mind. “it’s late.” he furrows his brows, falling in place beside you as you begin to walk again. “it’s 7:30.” you glance at him, shrugging. “that’s considered late for some people.” he smirks, tilting his head at you, an amused look on his face. “what if i just enjoy your company, princess?” your face heats at the nickname, and you roll your eyes, quickening your pace. “we barely know each other.” “well, i’d like to change that.” he keeps up effortlessly, long strides matching yours with ease. you scoff, trying to ignore the affect his words have on you. “i think you like to get on my nerves, heeseung.” he grins, nudging your shoulder lightly. “that too.” you sigh, glancing at him before looking straight ahead. but you don’t tell him to leave. maybe a part of you deep down enjoys the company. maybe you could allow for a part of yourself to feel wanted if the campus playboy was walking you back to your dorm. and if your heart stumbles a little when he walks just close enough for your arms to brush, you choose to ignore it. 

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the door clicks shut behind you, sealing you off from the rest of the world. you let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, pressing your back against the door as if that alone could ground you. it doesn’t. your mind is still running, replaying the moments heeseung’s arms brushed against yours, or the cocky smirks he sent your way, or the remarks he would make to get under your skin. with a frustrated groan, you push off the door and drop your bag onto your desk chair. you smush your cheeks with your hands, sighing, as if that will stop the warmth from creeping up your cheeks again. heeseung is nothing but trouble. you know that. everyone knows that. a playboy who knows how to charm his way into girls hearts with cocky words and athletic skills that has anyone swooning. and yet… your stomach twists. you shouldn’t like his attention. you shouldn’t feel special. heeseung flirts with everyone. that’s just how he was. so why was your stomach in knots? why was your mind replaying every interaction with him- no matter how insufferable he was? you collapse onto your bed, staring up at the ceiling. you don’t know how to handle this. it’s not like you have experience. no boyfriend, no first kiss, hell, you haven’t even held hands with a guy romantically. the concept of flirting- especially with someone like heeseung, who’s it’s practically second nature to- is foreign to you. you don’t know whether you’re looking too deeply into things, or if there’s actually something there. you turn onto your side, hugging your pillow. reading too many romance novels had truly skewed your perception of love. this wasn’t a movie. the playboy wasn’t going to fall for the girl in class. this was reality, and things didn’t work like that. sadly. you’re overthinking it. reading too deeply into his words, his touches, his actions. but why does your heart speed up at the thought of him? you sigh, squeezing your eyes shut and hoping to turn off your overactive brain. but instead, you feel that same flutter in your chest every time you think about him. the sound of the door opening catches your attention, glancing behind you to see yunjin entering the dorm. her presence relives you slightly, knowing you’ll have a distraction from the storm of confusion in your brain right now. she sends a smile your way, kicking off her shoes and walking towards you.

"what’s going on?" she asks, raising an eyebrow as she surveys you curled up on your bed. "you look like you’re seconds away from ripping all your hair out.” you laugh breathlessly, flopping on your back so you can look at her without straining your neck. “i’m fine.” you watch as she smiles slightly, shaking her head and making her way to the edge of your bed, sitting down. “don’t lie. what is it?” you hesitate, knowing full well what’s bothering you. but you can’t exactly tell yunjin, can you? she knew you better than anyone, knew how insecure you were about having no experience. she would tell you to wake up, and not to fall for his playboy antics. so you shrug, pursing your lips before you speak. “it’s just school. stuff is piling up, and i’m behind on a few assignments. i’m just overwhelmed.” yunjin studies your face, not saying much. you can tell she doesn’t buy it, and for a second anxiety bubbles inside you at the thought that she knows, or that she’ll keep pushing. but she doesn’t. instead, she nods. “i get it. school’s been ass lately. you’re smart, though. you’ll figure it out.” you nod, appreciating the way she doesn’t pry. pushing yourself on your elbows so you’re sitting up, leaning against the headboard, you smile. “well, we’ll see if i actually make it through the semester this time.” she giggles, gesturing for you to move over as she cuddles up beside you. “if you don’t wanna talk about it, what about we watch tv? it could get your mind off of things. we could continue rewatching business proposal?” you smile, your eyes lighting up at the mention of the show. “please, i can’t live without my daily dose of hari and taemoo.” she laughs, turning on the tv and going to netflix. you feel a pang of guilt for lying to her, and her knowing that’s she’s lying. but yunjin is your closest friend, she won’t pressure you for answers, and knows when to stop digging. you shake your head slightly, pushing your anxieties to the back of your head. right now, you just need netflix and yunjin’s presence. everything else can come later.

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you tap your pen against the edge of your notebook, staring at the notes that made you want to rip your hair out. why you had to sit here and listen to your professor talk about smallpox for over an hour was unbeknownst to you. plus, you hadn’t slept well last night. you and yunjin were up until 2 a.m., and when you finally decided to sleep, you couldn’t. your mind kept racing, your bed felt too uncomfortable, the room felt too hot. you didn’t feel like yourself. and then he walked in. hands in his pockets, his backpack slung over one shoulder. he was late, of course he was. it should be annoying- it is annoying, he’s annoying- but for some reason, something in your chest tightens. your fingers curl around your pen, forcing your eyes back to your notebook. this was not happening. you’re just irritated. that’s all. he’s been an ass, he was late yesterday, he’s late today, and he walked in like he owns the place. while you’ve been sitting here for the past twenty minutes, writing down notes that are definitely going to be important for the project. but then he slides into the seat next to you, the smell of his cologne wafting your way as he clears his throat. “what’d i miss?” you turn, narrowing your eyes. “twenty minutes of lecture.” “no shit, sherlock.” he replies, pulling a notebook out of his bag. “mind sending me those notes later?” you shake your head with an eye roll, turning back to the front of the classroom. “this is why you need to show up on time.” “c‘mon, princess,” he mumbles, a hand reaching out to tug at the one of the legs of your chair, “help a guy out.” you gasp at the unexpected tug, turning to glare at him. “what the fuck? stop that.” he only tilts his head, shrugging with that same stupid smirk. your stomach flips again, but this time, you focus on the irritation bubbling inside you. this is exactly why you would never fall for heeseung. because he’s insufferable. he’s rude. he’s never on time. he uses flirting as an excuse to get out of everything, to get girls to bow at his feet. he chuckles, moving his hand away. “you’re annoyed.” “of course i am, heeseung. leave me alone.” you mutter, scoffing as he only shakes his head playfully. “y/n. heeseung.” dr kim. speaks, your body tensing as you turn towards the front of the classroom, meeting your professor’s expectant eyes. “is this something important you would like to share with the class? or would you like to keep bothering everyone with your banter?” your cheeks immediately flush, your body running cold as all the heads in the classroom towards you two. you’ve never wanted the floor to swallow more than you did right now. you shake your head, your voice coming out quiet. “no sir, sorry about that.” heeseung says nothing, simply nodding his head. you were going to kill him. “alright, then. anyway, as i was saying…” dr. kim speaks, continuing on with the lesson like nothing happened as you sit there in humiliation.

“so…” he begins. “shut up.” you mumble back, your voice quiet as your eyes stay trained on your notebook, picking up your pen to continue writing down whatever nonsense your professor spills. you were pissed off now, all thoughts of entertaining the annoying boy sat next to you gone. you didn’t know if he had realized how embarrassed you actually were, but he didn’t push. you watched him shift in his seat so he was facing the front of the classroom out of your peripheral vision, also beginning to jot down notes. the rest of class drags on unbearably slow. you try to keep your focus on the lecture, but your mind buzzes with embarrassment, replaying the way dr. kim had called you both out in front of everyone. when class finally ends, you don’t waste a second in shoving your notebook into your bag, slinging it over your shoulder, and making a beeline for the door. of course, you’re never quite quick enough. heeseung appears next to you, falling in step beside you once again. “you’re really gonna ignore me after that?” you scoff, refusing to look at him as you keep your gaze trained ahead. “that’s exactly what i’m gonna do.” you hear him laugh, one that shows he clearly finds you entertaining. “it wasn’t that bad.” you finally glance at him, an annoyed expression on your face. “we got called out in front of the entire class for arguing like little kids, heeseung.” “and?” he grins, nudging your arm. “it was kinda cute. no big deal.” you inhale sharply, turning away before he can catch the way your face heats up. “you are insufferable. not everyone is as popular as you, alright? i don’t appreciate that many eyes on me.” he hums, tilting his head, as if he’s acknowledging your words. “where are you headed, anyway?” “lunch,” you say automatically, before realizing your mistake. a smirk creeps into his lips, adjusting his bag on his shoulder. “perfect. i’m hungry, too.” “no.” you blurt out, your eyes snapping to his. he feigns innocence. “no?” “you are not coming with me, heeseung. i’ve dealt with you enough today.” you clarify, trying to make your expression as serious as you can, looking to your front again. “why not?” he grins, clearly enjoying getting a rise out of you. “we’re partners, aren’t we? we need to work on our… chemistry.” you groan, rubbing your temples. maybe if you ignore him, he’ll take the hint. he does not take the hint. he continues to walk next to you, ignoring the stares of other girls wondering why heeseung is walking around with you.

so now, much to your dismay, you find yourself exiting the building with heeseung beside you, practically- no, literally- inviting himself to lunch. and as much as you hate to admit it to yourself, your stomach is in knots at the thought of spending more time with him. the walk is awfully quiet. heeseung doesn’t say a lot- much to your dismay. you wouldn’t say it’s peaceful, it was far from it. while heeseung may have been relaxed, just enjoying the walk, you on the other hand were losing it inside. caught between being annoyed at him or acknowledging whatever feeling was in your chest every time he was near. it wasn’t like you couldn’t pretend what the feeling was. you knew what a crush felt like. but you didn’t want to pay it any mind. how could you have a crush on lee heeseung? how could you fall for someone this quickly? you had to have set a new record for yourself. you decided it was just the fact that you were yearning for any kind of romantic attention, and heeseung was providing that… kinda. calling you ‘princess’ wasn’t exactly flirting. but you had never had this before, were you just expected to not be flustered? this feeling was treacherous, and you knew it. falling for the playboy was the last thing you wanted to do. you fidgeted with your hands, worries swirling around inside your head as you try to come up with an excuse that doesn’t make you seem like a touch-deprived college student. lost in your thoughts, you don’t notice the incoming cyclist until it’s too late. before you can process what’s happening, a firm grip wraps around your wrist, yanking you backward just in time. your breath stutters, a small squeak leaving you as you crash into something- someone. the scent of his cologne is suddenly overwhelming, your hands instinctively grabbing onto his hoodie to ground yourself. his arm is still around you, his body warm against yours, his grip on your wrist loosening, but not completely letting go. your heart pounds in your chest, and you don’t know if it’s from almost getting run over or him. you can feel his breath fanning lightly against your temple, his chest moving as he breathes in. was he always this built? you knew heeseung was strong, but you had never touched him. “careful, princess,” he murmurs, voice lower than usual. “you trying to get yourself killed?” you blink up at him, your lips parting, but no words come out. not when he’s this close, not when his arm is splayed across your back, his hand still holding onto your wrist lightly. and that’s when it hits you. this is a crush. you like lee heeseung. you pull away quickly, trying to ignore the warmth lingering on your skin as you clear your throat. “i- i wasn’t paying attention.” you stutter out, refusing to meet his gaze. heeseung lets out a soft chuckle, shoving his hands into his pockets as he watches you, nodding lightly. “yeah, i noticed.” you scowl, turning on your heel and stomping toward the café, hoping he doesn’t see the way your ears burn. he keeps up with you, and you can hear the smirk in his voice even when you don’t look at him. “so i don’t get a thank you?” you roll your eyes, trying to fight the blush climbing up your cheeks as you turn your head to the side, never realizing how interesting the road was. “thank you,” you mutter, your voice too quiet he almost didn’t hear. but he hums, and that’s enough for you to know he won’t push further… hopefully.

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it’s been a week. a week of trying to push away the way your heart speeds up whenever heeseung so much as looks at you. a week of acting like the casual touches and the teasing remarks don’t make your stomach flip. a week of trying to convince yourself you don’t like heeseung. a week of failing. now at lunch, you’re sat with wonyoung and yunjin, the conversation flowing easily between them- an annoying professor, a party next weekend, overdue homework- but the words barely process. your eyes are trained on heeseung across the cafeteria. the same place he always sits, with his team and friends, but now you can’t stop looking. he’s leaned back in his chair, laughing at something one of his friends said. he looks beautiful. you can admire his sharp jawline, or the way his adam’s apple moves when he throws his head back, laughing at a joke. and for some stupid, down bad reason, you can’t tear your eyes away. you’re not even aware you’ve been staring until yunjin’s voice snaps you out of it. “you can’t be serious.” your head snaps towards her, blinking in confusion. “what happened?” she doesn’t say anything. instead she pursues her lips, tilting her chin slightly in heeseung direction with a quirk of her brow. “heeseung.” your stomach drops, your mouth opening and closing as she waits for an answer. “it’s not like that,” you blurt, suddenly finding your untouched lunch very interesting. yunjin doesn’t buy it. she crosses her arms, watching you closely. “then why are you staring at him like that? is this why you’ve been so out of it lately?” silence. the air feels too thick, your face burning hotter by the second. you have no good excuse. no answer to her question, because that means you would have to admit it out loud. and you weren’t ready to do that. you hated how obvious you were being, how you were acting like every other girl he’s wrapped around his finger before now. finally, wonyoung- who has been watching this exchange like it’s the most entertaining thing she’s seen all day- chimes in, "i wouldn’t blame you.” you turn to her, your eyebrows raising. “what?” she shrugs, stealing one of your fries before tossing it in her mouth. "i’m just saying, he’s hot. everyone knows that. you’ve been spending a lot of time with him because of your project. i mean… would it be the worst thing if something happened?” your eyes widen more- if that’s even possible. but before you can get any words out, yunjin is speaking. she looks at her like she’s lost her mind, shaking her head quickly. "are you insane? don’t encourage this.” "i’m just saying!" wonyoung laughs, holding her hands up in mock surrender. “you never know.” yunjin scoffs, rolling her eyes dramatically. “no, we do know. heeseung is heeseung. an asshole.” she turns back to you, her expression softening slightly. "you just need to be careful.” it’s the same thing she always says. it’s everything that you’ve been telling yourself. you just nod, too embarrassed that they found out to even speak.

silence lingers between the three of you. you look on the food in front of you, the other students walking by, the ground. but you can feel their eyes on you, like they’re waiting for you to acknowledge their words- to say anything. wonyoung breaks the silence, picking at her nails, “i mean, it’s not like you have much experience- let me rephrase- you have no experience with this stuff.” your head snaps towards her, your jaw dropped. “what the fuck?” she smiles at you, shrugging. “i’m just pointing out the facts’ y/n. you get flustered by everything. you’re gonna fall too fast, especially with someone like him. that’s the reality for a romance virgin.” as if this moment wasn’t already embarrassing enough. your face burns, glaring at her. “a romance virgin? what the fuck does that even mean?” you go quiet, realizing you don’t have a comeback to her words, because as much as you hate it, she’s telling the truth. so you resort to sighing, grabbing a fry and plopping it in your mouth. “you guys are so annoying.” yunjin laughs, also stealing a fry from your plate. “we’re being realistic. and looking out for you.” “i don’t even like him,” you mumble, your mouth filled with a bite of food, wonyoung wincing at the sight. you only flip her off in response. she laughs, raising her eyebrows, “right. that’s why you were making heart eyes at him across the cafeteria. i’m surprised you didn’t raise up and start floating towards him.” you gape at her, scoffing as you shove her shoulder. “fuck off! i was not!” she doesn’t respond, but her and yunjin share a knowing look, smiles on their faces as they look back at you. you groan, pressing your hands against your face, “you guys suck. why are you torturing me?” yunjin speaks, her smile already telling you she’s about to make things worse, “just saying, do you really want heeseung to be your first everything?” you reach your hand over the table to smack her arm, practically glaring daggers at her as all she does is laugh. “yunjin! shut up!” she just shrugs, fighting back more laughs as you sulk in your chair, arms crossed against your chest. "what? i’m looking out for you. i mean, at least he’ll be good, he knows what he’s doing.” you decide to ignore her words, your cheeks burning as you look off to the side, sighing at how wonyoung laughs at her words. “i hate you,” you mumble, shaking your head. they only laugh more, wonyoung leaning over to give you a hug. you reciprocate, begrudgingly. you just want the floor to swallow you right now.

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you were late. to be fair, you weren’t that worried. heeseung was never on time to your study sessions. and, if anything, you were only going to be 5 minutes late. pushing open the door of the library, you’re greeted with the smell of books, the quiet sounds of footsteps, and fingers tapping keys quietly. time seems to slow in here, somehow. you like it. it’s so peaceful, everyone minding their own business. you stroll quietly, making your way to the study rooms on the side of the library. you had reserved one of the rooms, sending heeseung a text earlier in the day of which one to meet you at. you walk up to the door, the frosted glass frame with a big blue “5” staring back at you, before pushing it open. you’ll be able to set everything up, maybe get ahead a bit before you have to deal with him, go over things- but he’s already there. your brain short circuits, like all the thoughts you had disappeared. sitting in one of the chairs, leaned back with one leg stretched out and the other one bent. his hair is damp, which you assume is from practice, hanging in his eyes. a white wifebeater clings to his skin, leaving little to the imagination. his shoulders, his biceps, his chest, his torso. you swear you’re going insane. your eyes flicker to the way his forearm flexes when he scrolls on his phone, your fingers tightening around the strap on your bag. it’s only then that you realize you’ve been staring. his eyes flicker up from his phone as his gaze locks on yours, the corner of his lip rising. “like what you see?” you swallow, shaking your head as you step further into the room, letting the door shut behind you. “i’m just surprised you’re actually here on time.” he only nods, completely seeing through your little act. he leans back more, raising his arms above his head. he groans, and you can’t tear your eyes away from the way his muscles flex, or the way his shirt lifts- just slightly, but enough for you to see a sliver of his skin, his abs highlighted by the fluorescent lights shining down on you two. you feel insane. your body heats up, taking a deep breath as you (reluctantly) tear your eyes away from him. you busy yourself with pulling everything you need out, trying to ignore heeseung’s gaze on you. the space suddenly feels too small, and you regret reserving a room. you can’t look at anyone else, can’t find a distraction outside of this room. you’re stuck. heeseung pulls out his own laptop, opening it and speaking, like it’s the most casual thing. “you were staring.” your breath hitches, but you play it off, glaring at him. “i told you, i was surprised you were here on time.” his brows lift in amusement. “that’s all?” you nod, eyes turning back to your screen as you pull up the project. “that’s all.” “alright,” he hums, but the smile doesn’t drop from his face. your face burns, trying to push all thoughts of how good he looked away as you try desperately to lock in, typing out anything that seems of significance. this was going to be a long study session.

that it was. you were nearing the hour and a half mark, your brain starting to jumble all the words you read, taking in too much information at once. if you had to read one more article about the impact of diseases and medicine on our society you were sure you were going to start slamming your head against the table. for once, heeseung wasn’t being a pain. no remarks or teasing. he was silent, actually doing his work. you were grateful for the change, considering how earlier had gone. luckily the tensions had died down, and you two hadn’t talked since you walked in. then, without warning, he leans in. your body tenses, his arm reaching past you to grab a pen that had rolled over to your side. the scent of his cologne filled your nose, along with his breath lightly fanning against your cheek. you swallowed, trying to keep your eyes trained on your laptop like nothing was wrong. but he notices. of course he does. his fingers hover over the pen, but he doesn’t grab it. his gaze flickers to you, the corner of his lip lifting up. “you good?” his voice is lower, the teasing lilt evident in his voice already. you nod, swallowing the lump in your throat as you continue typing, trying to ignore how fast your heart is beating, “yeah, i’m fine.” he tilts his head, just watching you. then he moves a bit closer, your breath hitching. “are you sure?” he asks again, smiling slightly. you nod again, too scared to even look his way as you feel your cheeks burning up. “you’re too close. that’s all.” he grins, unable to hide how amusing this is to him, “too close?” you nod, confirming his words with a quiet, “yeah.” he doesn’t back away, instead slowly dragging the pen towards himself as he continues. “what, never had a guy this close before?” you open your mouth to respond- but no words come out. it’s like you glitched, the words refusing to leave your lips as you try to come up with an excuse, an insult, anything to get the attention off of you right now. fuck. he picks up on it immediately. his grin falters slightly, his eyes flickering over your face to gauge your reaction. “you haven’t?” you feel stupid. your chest tightens, embarrassment flooding you. you turn your head quickly- too quickly. not realizing how close the two of you were, your nose brushes against his as you stutter out words. “that’s not- no- i mean-“ “oh my god.” he mumbles, leaning back in his chair. “heeseung.” you speak, your eyes pleading with him. he blinks, the smirk gone off his face and replaced with curiosity. “you’ve never been kissed before? actually?”

“heeseung-” you mumble, no other word leaving your lips as your ears heat up, your stomach twisting as he stares at you. his grin returns, just slightly, a small laugh leaving him as he shakes his head. “that’s.. wow.” he doesn’t sound judgmental, more so surprised, but the damage was already done. “just drop it,” you mutter, suddenly feeling the need to get out of the room, closing your laptop and beginning to pack up. “that’s interesting,” he continues, slowly shutting his laptop as he continues to watch you, “you’re leaving?” you nod, trying to ignore the mortification you feel as you shove things into your backpack carelessly. “it’s already been an hour and a half.” you go to shove a pencil inside, but with how shaky your hands are, it slips through your fingers, landing on the table. “fuck,” you whisper, so quiet he almost doesn’t hear. he reaches for the pen, his fingers moving faster than yours as he twirls it in between his fingers, watching you. “you good?” you nod, holding out your hand for the pen, refusing to meet his eyes, “i’m fine. just- can i have it?” he hesitates, before slowly placing it in your palm. he doesn’t say anything, instead simply watching as you move your hand quickly, shoving the pen into your backpack, before quickly zipping it up and slinging it over your shoulder. you can feel his gaze on you, turning on your heel and making a beeline for the door. “i’ll see you in class,” you mutter, the door shutting behind you as you walk out as quickly as your legs will take you, trying to hold back the flood of emotions and embarrassment swirling inside you.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

it felt like everything hit you the second you stepped through the door. the silence only heightened the sound of your pounding heartbeat in your ears. you kick off your shoes, your hands shaky as you let your backpack fall to the floor. your mind can’t stop replaying every interaction with heeseung earlier that day. but it felt like so much more than that. it was about the way you slipped up, your own body betraying you and the truth slipping out. it wasn’t like being inexperienced was a bad thing- you knew that. but you hated how everyone around you was able to talk about it so casually. while you fell behind and lived vicariously through romance novels and cheesy romcoms. for once, you wanted to know what it was like. and for all people that could’ve found out- heeseung had to know. the boy who had a new girl on his arm every week, who was no stranger to romance. it felt mocking. embarrassing. like the universe was making a joke of you, pointing at you and laughing. your breath catches in your throat, tears spilling down your cheeks before you can process it. you don’t stop them, you don’t react. you simply stand there, small sobs leaving you as the defeated feeling takes over. you’d tried to hard to not let this take over. to be okay with the fact that you hadn’t experienced love yet, it was no big deal. but it somehow hurt more knowing the one you liked was probably the most unattainable person on campus. you shuffle towards your bed, your feet barely leaving the ground until you reach the foot of your bed, letting yourself fall forward, straight into a pillow. your tears soak the fabric, your mind swirling with insecurities and thoughts of yearning. to know. to feel. to be loved. it feels so impossible at this point. like love- true love- will never find you. it felt like everything was boiling over, your body curling up as your tears grow more intense, louder sobs slipping from your lips as your hands grip the pillow. you didn’t even know how long you had been crying for. you cried until no more tears came out, the sobs transforming into quiet sniffles and labored breaths, until exhaustion took over your body and lulled your body into a peaceful sleep, safe from all the worries of the outside world.

but the peace didn’t last. the sound of the door opening stirs you awake, yunjin’s voice filling the apartment. your body feels too heavy, a dull pounding in your head and a lump in your throat still remain as you turn over slowly. you rub your eyes, trying your best to remove the evidence of your breakdown through your sleepy confusion. “-and he was so fucking hot, y/n. ugh, i wish i would’ve gone over to his place. and he told me he had a good time, and he wants to see me again!” she spills, kicking off her shoes and throwing her purse somewhere near the door, flailing her hands as she recounts all the details. she pauses as she turns to you, finally taking in the state you’re in. “were you asleep? sorry. i didn’t mean to wake you up,” she laughs quietly, lowering her voice. you simply shake your head, still coming back to reality as you push yourself up. you speak, your voice scratchy and slurred from lingering exhaustion, “it’s fine. i shouldn’t have fallen asleep that early, anyway.” she walks over, sitting at the edge of your bed and looking at you, a smile on her lips before she takes in your puffy eyes. “you doing alright?” you swallow, pushing down the emotions that threaten to resurface. you nod, forcing a smile. “i’m good. just tired… i’ve had a lot of work lately.” she watches you, her head tilting like she doesn’t believe you. finally, a smile breaks out on her face as she lets herself fall back against your bed, turning her head to face you. “he was so perfect. like, usually i don’t like pisces men, but beomgyu? he was just.. fuck, y/n, i’m losing my mind.” you smile slightly at her lovesick rant, her words filled with a giddy happiness that only love can bring to you. you nod along to her words, her eyes lighting up when she recounts the best details. “are you going out again?” you ask quietly, playing with the hem of your blanket when she stops talking, simply staring at your ceiling with a lovesick smile. that question breaks her out of the trance, turning to you with a grin. “fuck yeah! he asked me to go to his place next? you know what that means,” she trails off, wriggling her eyebrows before kicking her feet, covering her face with her hands as she squeals. you laugh, although deep down, you wish you could know what it feels like. the feeling of being desired, of being wanted. and as yunjin continues to ramble, expressive hands and wide eyes, you can’t push down the feeling that creeps up and surrounds you, making you feel like you’re locked inside a dark room that has no key, no door. like you’re falling behind while everyone races ahead.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

“no.” the word leaves your lips before yunjin can finish her sentence, already knowing where it was going when she started with, “so, i was thinking…” you don’t look up from your laptop, hoping that if you don’t acknowledge them, they’ll drop it. they never do. wonyoung groans, flopping backwards onto your bed before she rolls over on her stomach, resting her chin on her hands as she stares at you. “y/n, please. you literally never go out.” you finally spare her a glance, before looking back at your computer. “i’m busy.” yunjin crosses her arms, a huff of air leaving her. “you fucking liar. all you do is rot in bed. then you wonder why you get no action.” you glare at her, choosing to ignore her jab at your love- or lack thereof- life. “i enjoy the tranquility.” “god, you’re hopeless.” she sighs, sitting on the edge of the bed beside wonyoung’s sprawled out figure. “you need to have some fun for once.” “i do have fun,” you reply, finally shutting your laptop, “a party is not my idea of fun. it’s sweaty bodies, and drunk people, and people making out against walls.” “you’re so dramatic,” wonyoung laughs, her hands tugging lightly at your calves. “it’s one night. maybe something will happen.” you shake your head, ignoring the puppy dog eyes she sends you. “no, nothing will. i’ll go and hate it, want to kill myself, and wish i could be back in bed watching reruns of gossip girl.” yunjin groans, tossing her head back at your resilience. “i’m gonna kill you. you’re coming to this party. you need some action. that’s probably why you’ve been so… whatever you’ve been, lately.” you freeze, shaking your head lightly. “i don’t need action.” wonyoung giggles, turning her head to smile at yunjin. “you know, y/n, she has a point. don’t you think it’s time to put yourself out there?” you roll your eyes, biting the inside of your cheek. “shut up.” but your stomach twists uncomfortably. they don’t mean it in a harmful way- to them it’s just teasing. they don’t know how much you hate having nothing, the fear of putting yourself out there. and after your breakdown a few nights ago, the topic felt heavier. more anxiety fills you as another thought creeps in. impossible to shake, growing larger the more you try to ignore it. if it’s a party, heeseung will be there. he always is. the thought of running into him after your last interaction makes your chest feel tight, your eyes flickering around the room. “i just don’t wanna go,” you mumble, trying your luck again. of course, they don’t listen. yunjin sends you a look, standing up and grabbing your arms, tugging you forward. you gasp, catching your balance before you tumble off your bed. “didn’t i already tell you you’re coming to this party? get up, loser.” you huff, reluctantly listening to her just this once. you toss your feet over the side of the bed, letting yunjin pull you to your feet. “you’re so lucky i love you guys,” you mutter, glaring at both of them. wonyoung squeals, practically flying off of your bed as she wraps you in a hug, jumping up and down. “finally! i’ve been waiting for this day forever!”

you only shake your head, trying to bite back a smile at her excitement. yunjin, on the other hand, has already made her way to your dresser, pulling random clothes out and tossing them over her shoulder. “okay,” she speaks, tossing a pair of shorts that are too short beside her, “we wanna make you look hot. but also not like you’re trying too hard, a good balance. heeseung’s gonna be there, right?” wonyoung laughs, making her way over to yunjin to look at the clothes she’s already picked out, holding them up to your body before nodding or shaking her head. your stomach, however, twists at the mention of his name. “i’m not trying to impress anyone,” you blurt, shaking your head as yunjin pulls out a tiny red dress, “i’m only going because you guys are forcing me.” she gives you a look, raising her eyebrows. “you realize we can see right through you, right? you act like we’re not your best friends. you want the guy, admit it.” you go silent, opting to roll your eyes at her words instead. she only laughs, tossing the red dress at you. “try that on.” “i’m not wearing this,” you mutter, holding it out in front of you.wonyoung whines, shaking your shoulders. “it’s a house party, girl. other people are going to be wearing so much worse. just try it.” you groan, reluctantly trying the dress on. it’s too tight, too short, showing off your body in ways you’re not used to. you look up, gauging the two girls’ reactions. yunjin tilts her head, analyzing you, before finally shaking her head. “no, i don’t think that’s very you,” she says, turning back to your closet. “you wanna look slutty, but like, fashion.” you furrow your eyebrows, almost wanting to laugh at how seriously they were taking this. “great explanation.”

wonyoung gasps, stopping both of you in your tracks. “yunjin, give me that shirt,” she exclaims, pointing to a black lace tube top yunjin is holding up. the lace wraps around itself, one edge falling to create an asymmetrical look. once yunjin hands it over, she grabs a black denim skirt off the floor, holding the items to your body as best she can. “yes. this is it,” she smiles, yunjin nodding beside her. “put this on. you’re gonna look so hot.” you can’t deny wonyoung’s words once you have the outfit on. it looks good, the pieces accentuating your body while not showing off too much. yunjin’s jaw drops slightly, nodding as you spin slowly. “i’m so in love with you.” you smile, shaking your head at her. wonyoung grabs a pair of black heeled-boots, the leather tight around your calves, with a platform that makes you at least 5 inches taller. yunjin nods, looking at wonyoung, “add a leather jacket.” once the whole outfit is assembled, you can’t deny it. you feel hot. you look hot. “you look amazing, y/n. heeseung’s one lucky guy.” wonyoung smiles, stepping up to you to adjust the top. you glare at her, an exasperated breath leaving you. “stop bringing him up. nothing has happened between us.” “yet,” yunjin says, a teasing smile on her lips. “oh, fuck off,” you laugh, flipping her off. you couldn’t help the feeling that settled in your stomach. was it anxiety? excitement? you couldn’t tell, but you knew this was going to be a long night. and maybe, deep down, a part of you wanted heeseung to see you in this outfit.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

you regretted coming the second you stepped through the door. music was blasting through the speakers, the volume combined with all the conversations happening almost unbearable. the smell of weed and alcohol invaded your senses almost immediately. people were everywhere you looked, crowded together. drinking, smoking, dancing, talking, making out. your feet slowed down, suddenly wanting to turn around and go back home. yunjin tugged your arm, forcing your feet to move again as she dragged you along, weaving through the mass of bodies, trying to avoid bumping into anyone. wonyoung was right. people were wearing much worse. you still felt out of place though. like people knew you didn’t normally dress like this. like people knew you were trying to look good just for this party. once the three of you stopped moving, wonyoung looked at you, immediately sensing your discomfort. “you’re fine. no one’s judging you, okay? everyone’s too caught up in their own thing here.” you only nodded in response, glancing around at everyone. “there’s… a lot of people here.” wonyoung laughs, finding your reactions cute. “yeah, that’s usually what it’s like at house parties.” the idea of willingly putting yourself in this environment weekly sent a chill down your spine. things like this weren’t your speed. though, sometimes, you wonder what it would be like to be an extrovert, to enjoy talking to others, spending your days socializing. wonyoung explains something to you, but you’re only halfway listening. your eyes are drifting around the party. looking for something, or someone. hoping to see his black hair in the crowd of people. a bit hard, when half the people here had black hair. “oh- there he is!” yunjin gasps, her words pulling you out of your trance as you look at her, raising your eyebrows. you follow her line of vision, nerves bubbling in you at the thought of actually seeing him- “beomgyu!” she smiles, turning to you and wonyoung with a cheesy grin. “i’m gonna go say hi. i’ll catch you guys in a bit?” “go get your man,” you smile, watching as she heads off, a pep in her step as gets closer to him. you turn back to wonyoung, unsure of what to do now that you were here.

“so, like, what do we do?” you ask, once again glancing around at the people around you. “talk to people. get a drink. find someone hot.” she nudges you at the last option, sending a teasing smile your way. “no.” your reply is immediate, shaking your head. “i’m not having any of my firsts at a random house party.” she sighs, throwing her head back before looking back at you. “you read too many romance novels.” you gape at her, your lips forming into a pout. “a girl can dream. let me wait for the one.” “well, looking like you do tonight,” she pauses, her eyes flickering up and down your figure, “i’m gonna be surprised if no one hits on you.” her sentence sends a hint of excitement through you, but you quickly shake your head, dismissing the feeling. “i’d rather someone not. that would just be awkward. i can’t talk to people.” she laughs, but she’s shaking her head. “this is exactly why you need to go out more. put yourself out there.” you don’t respond, your eyes flickering around the crowd of people once again, watching people's body language, and how they interact with one another. everyone looks so relaxed, simply enjoying the environment. “anyway,” wonyoung speaks, breaking the silence that settled between you two, “i’m gonna go get a drink. do you wanna come?” you shake your head, not feeling like navigating through the crowd of people once again, choosing to wait for wonyoung to get back. “no. it’s fine. i’ll wait.” “alright, do you want anything?” she continues, watching as you shake your head again, denying her offer. “i’ll be right back, then.” you watch as she walks off, weaving through the crowd and heading towards the kitchen. you lean back against the wall, fidgeting with your fingers as you wait calmly for wonyoung to return. she doesn’t. two minutes turn to five, which turns to ten, which turns to fifteen. people were starting to send you looks, wondering why you were standing around alone, with no drink. you felt out of place. no, you were out of place. you glance around, the nerves of everything becoming too overstimulating. you needed to get away from the crowds. slowly, you push through the crowd, making your way to the hallway. you slip past the people having conversations, and the couple making out against the wall. one door is cracked open, which you can only assume means it’s safe to enter. you wait outside for a bit, listening for if there’s any noises. it’s silent. you hesitate for a second, before finally pushing the door open. the room was empty, the quiet away from the loud voices instantly calming your nerves. you shut the door behind you, the noise of the party becoming even more muffled, feeling like a breath of fresh air.

you glanced around the room, your heart nearly stopping. heeseung was leaned against the wall, scrolling on his phone. could this night get any worse? he hadn’t noticed you yet, too busy scrolling on his phone. you gulped, feeling your face flush. you could turn around, you could leave the room. you should do that. but for some reason, your feet wouldn’t move. it was like they were planted into the ground. he lifted his gaze from his phone, locking eyes with you. you felt like a deer caught in headlights. his expression was unreadable, but he tilted his head slightly. a brief moment of silence passed between the two of you, your heart thudding loudly in your chest as he watched you. “y/n?” he asked, his voice sounding a bit surprised. “sorry,” you finally forced out, fidgeting with your fingers as your gaze drifts away from his, focusing on the wall instead. “i thought this room was empty.” he simply shrugged, a small smile on his lips. “too loud out there?” you nod, awkwardly shifting your weight from one foot to the other. this somehow felt more suffocating than the party did. “i didn’t mean to… bother you.” you mumble, turning around to head for the door. “you don’t have to leave,” he said, his voice quiet, your stomach fluttering at the sound, “i’m not doing anything. stay if you need a break. if you want.” you stand still, both choices seeming wrong. staying in the room with him felt like a mistake, but walking back out to the chaos of the party felt slightly worse. slowly, you nodded, turning around and stepping further into the room. “okay. uh, thanks.” you both stood there, not saying anything for a moment. you shifted your gaze around the room, your nerves palpable. and heeseung, of course, picked up on it. “this isn’t exactly your scene, is it, princess?” he asked, voice filled with that familiar teasing tone. you tried to ignore how the nickname had your heart doing somersaults, or how your face heated up. everything felt so much more elevated in the room. you swallowed, trying to push your nerves aside as you looked back at him. “uh, no, it’s not,” you mumble, almost wanting to laugh at how awkward you sounded. he hums, pushing himself off the wall and walking towards the bed, sitting on the edge. he looks at you expectantly, only laughing slightly when you raise your brows in response. “are you just gonna stand there the whole time?” your face flushes, suddenly feeling too embarrassed. your body moves before you realize it, getting closer to him. you can feel your heartbeat speeding up, his eyes watching you as you sit down next to him. you’re not an awkward distance away, but you made sure to put some space between the two of you. the room was quiet, except for the noise of your nervous breaths, your fingers fidgeting with each other.

“so,” he began, breaking the silence, “what’re you doing here, anyway?” you look at him, shrugging. “my friends dragged me along.” he hummed, tilting his head, “so then why are you in here?” this was humiliating. “one is talking to her date and another went to get drinks and didn’t come back,” you mumbled, trying to ignore the smile that crept up on his face. “damn, princess,” he huffed out a laugh, shaking his head lightly, “they ditched you?” “i mean, they’re more used to this environment. i wouldn’t wanna, like, hold them back from having fun,” you shrug, glancing down at your hands. “if you say so,” he responds, going quiet for a few seconds before speaking again. “i just still don’t see why you would even come, considering, y’know..” your stomach drops. your eyes flicker up to his, raising your eyebrows slightly. “considering… what?” he tilts his head, a slight smirk playing on his lips. “you’ve never kissed anyone. you weren’t lying about that, right?” heat rises on your cheeks, the embarrassment that hits you suddenly making you feel sick, once again stuck in a room with heeseung and talking about this. “heeseung. i don’t wanna talk about that.” “why? it’s nothing to be ashamed about,” he replies with a shrug, leaning back against the pillows and playing with the hem of his shirt. “you ever had a boyfriend?” “heeseung.” you say, but his expression tells you he’s not letting this go anytime soon. you sigh, your voice quiet, the word coming out as a hushed whisper, “no.” he was quiet, and the more the silence dragged on, the more you felt like you wanted the floor to swallow you. the same humiliating feeling from before was slowly making its way back, the room feeling like it was closing in on you. and then, heeseung spoke. “you ever wonder what it’s like? to kiss someone?” he asks, and you almost want to laugh. “that’s a stupid question,” you blurt before you can stop it, listening to the way he laughs quietly. “sorry. had to make sure,” he replies, and this, for some reason, doesn’t feel as bad as last time did. it doesn’t feel like he’s judging you. more so, just asking questions. “of course i do. it’s kinda hard not to when all everyone talks about is their love lives,” you reply, finally opening up a bit. you don’t know why you’re telling him this much. you could’ve diverted the conversation, made him talk about something else, but you were opening up. you were trying to ignore the anxiety bubbling in your chest. from being in a room alone with heeseung, to discussing your desolate love life with him. it felt unnatural- it was unnatural. you were never one to open up to people easily, but it felt like he did it without trying (well, besides when he wouldn’t like a topic go).

“i could teach you,” he speaks, and your head snaps up to his so fast you’re surprised your neck didn’t break in the process. it felt like time stopped. you couldn’t hear the music outside, or the muffled voices. all you could hear was your heartbeat in your ears and the way your breathing picked up. heeseung continued to stare at you, his eyebrows raised slightly as he waited for an answer. “w-what?” you stutter out, trying to convince yourself you heard his words wrong, that you made it up, some kind of excuse. “i said i could teach you. you heard me,” he repeats his words, the corner of his lip lifting up again. your breath hitched. the silence was too loud, the two of you just staring at each other as you tried your hardest to process his words. “you’re joking, right?” you finally ask, your voice quiet, unsure. but he didn’t laugh. he only watched you, his voice dropping just a bit lower. “it’s not hard. if you want, i could teach you.” you sat, frozen. blinking out of whatever daze you were in since he spoke, your eyes flickering the the ground. heeseung- the playboy heeseung, the heeseung you liked- offering to be your first kiss. it didn’t feel right. it felt like the universe was trying to play a sick joke on you. like this would turn out to be too good to be true. you heard him laugh softly, and your eyes drifted back up to him. he seemed to be enjoying how flustered you were, how your brain was quite literally short circuiting. “we don’t have to if you don’t want to. it’s just an offer. but, if you want to, i’m right here.” you felt your heart speed up more at his words. your mind felt like it couldn’t process what was going on. what was the right choice here? one side of you felt like you should laugh it off, change the subject and act like the conversation never happened. continue to save your first kiss for something special. but on the other hand, this did feel special. you were curious. hell, you’ve been curious for the last 22 years. you were caught between forcing down your desires and enlightening them, finally understanding what you’ve been wondering about your whole life. finally being able to understand the conversations, the movie scenes, the books. your mouth opened, a protest about to leave your lips, but no words came out. your words got stuck, your true feelings not letting them leave. heeseung noticed your hesitation, pushing himself to sit up. he watched you, his voice getting softer, quieter. “come here,” he mumbled, his words making your stomach do flips. god, you wanted to slam your head against the wall. your heartbeat sped up, but you moved closer to him anyway, sitting so close your knees were pressed together. you didn’t know what you were doing, but you knew you didn’t wanna turn around and leave. not at this point. heeseung watched you, not reaching out until you had stopped moving. his hand reached up slowly, cautiously, gently cupping your jaw. his thumb brushed over your skin, sending a shiver down your spine. his gaze flickered between your eyes and lips, the reality of what was happening sinking it. “you’re nervous,” he whispered, the words spoken like they were a secret just between the two of you. his breath fans across your face, further solidifying the reality of the distance between you two. you nodded, your breath shallow, unsure. you let your own eyes flicker to his lips before moving back to his eyes. you whispered, your voice shaky, “what if i’m bad?” he smiled, his thumb tracing your jaw as he shook his head. “don’t worry about that. just follow my lead.”

you nod, everything feeling like a haze. he leans in slowly, and before you can think too much about it, his lips are on yours. it felt like everything around you stopped. your eyes fluttered shut, your breath stuttering. his lips are soft, and you try to follow his movements as best you can. his touch is gentle, guiding you, taking a first experience from you. the outside world seems quiet, likes it’s just you and heeseung in this moment. he presses his lips a bit harder against yours, tilting your head just slightly. the feeling is all-consuming. overwhelming. you want more and want to get away all at the same time. but it feels nice. it feels like everything you’ve dreamed of. what the lead in a romance movie feels, what the books describe, how your friend’s eyes light up when they tell you about their first kiss with a new guy. he pulls away slowly, his hand still remaining on your jaw. your eyes flutter open, blinking a little, like you’re trying to ground yourself. his face was still so close to yours, your breaths mixing together. his expression was unreadable, and your heart sped up at the reality. “was that okay?” you ask, your voice quiet, barely above a whisper. heeseung stared at you for a moment, not saying anything. his eyes searched yours, his breath soft against your skin, his touch still so light. “yeah,” he mumbled, his eyes still flickering around your face, his thumb tracing your jaw again. “not bad, princess.” you nod, your mind in too much of a haze to mumble out exact words. you eyes flickered to his lips again, fighting the urge to lean in again, to feel the warmth of his lips against yours. but before you could think about it too much, your phone buzzed loudly against your lap, the ringing snapping you back to reality. you blink, still dazed, as you look down on at your phone, shaky hands turning it over, the name staring back at you. wonyoung. shit. you hesitated for a second, before answering the call, pressing the phone to your ear. “hello?” “where are you?” wonyoung’s voice came through, a bit hard to hear over the pounding music. “i came back to the spot you were at. i got caught up with some friends, i’m sorry.” you swallowed, your mind still in a haze. your gaze flickered to heeseung. he was already watching you, having had leaned back against the headboard. “it’s fine,” you mumble, words trailing off. your heartbeat still felt too loud, and your thoughts were jumbled and all over the place. “it’s- i’m just..” heeseung raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twitching. he tilted his head, clearly amused by your inability to form a sentence right now. “hello?” wonyoung’s voice spoke again, pulling your attention back to her. “are you there?” “yeah! yeah, sorry,” you mumble, pursing your lips. “i’ll be right there.” “okay. i’ll see you soon.” she replied, the line going dead.

the room went silent, filled with nothing but the awkwardness swirling around the two of you. you were too afraid to meet his gaze, so you stare at your hands, before standing up slowly, placing your phone in your pocket. “um… i should go. i’ll see you around?” heeseung didn’t say anything, and you took that as your cue to just leave. you walked towards the door, trying to form a coherent thought as you reached for the doorknob. his voice finally cut through the quiet, making you stop in your tracks. “you know,” he began, his voice teasing, with a hint of something else you couldn’t quite pinpoint, “you look nice tonight.” the words sent butterflies swirling in your stomach, closing your eyes as you tried to ground yourself. what was wrong with you? you didn’t turn around, too scared to meet his eyes. you couldn’t. so you only nodded, your voice shaky, “thank you.” you opened the door, stepping out and back into the party. it felt like you were snapped back to reality the second the loud music hit your ears, met with the sight of a swarm of people again as you pushed through the crowd. you tried to ignore the way your lips still tingled, or the way your cheeks heated up when you thought about his hand on your face, his breath so close to you, his lips against yours. you almost bumped into someone, muttering out a pathetic “sorry” as you corrected your path, finally catching a glimpse of yunjin and wonyoung standing together, talking about some random topic. wonyoung noticed you first, smiling and waving as she noticed you walking over. you wave back, forcing a smile as you join up with them. all you know is that you’re going crazy. you kissed heeseung. your first kiss. was it a mistake? did you make too irrational of a decision while being caught in the moment? your thoughts are interrupted by yunjin’s loud voice, pulling you back to the current moment, “you missed everything, y/n. i had so much to talk about. where were you, anyway?” you open your mouth, your eyes flickering between the two girls watching you with expectant stares. you should lie, make some kind of excuse to avert the attention from you, ask what yunjin had to talk about. but the thought of hiding your feelings from them more than you already are makes a sick feeling appear in your stomach. “i kissed heeseung.” the words are out before you even realize you said that. they stand there, unmoving before yunjin speaks, “you what?”

wonyoung only covers her mouth with her hand, a loud gasp leaving her lips as she looks between you and yunjin. you stare sheepishly at the two, no more words leaving your lips as you open and close your mouth, wonyoung finally forcing some words out. “bitch, are you serious?” the reality of everything feels like it’s hitting you all over again, a shaky breath leaving your lips as you look up, trying to form a sentence in your mind before you speak out loud. “i kissed heeseung. or, he kissed me. we kissed each other? i don’t know…” you cover your eyes with one of your hands, clenching your eyes shut. everything feels too surreal right now. yunjin blinks, shaking her head as she tries to make sense of the situation. “hold on, start from the beginning, please. what the fuck happened?” you laugh shakily, shrugging as words come spilling out, “i just- i needed a break from the party, so i went into what i thought was an empty room, but he was in there. he told me i could stay, and we started talking, and he brought up the fact that i’d never kissed anyone-“ wonyoung cuts you off, raising an eyebrow. “how did he know that?” you gulp, averting your eyes. “that’s a story for another time.” the two share a look, but don’t interrupt you again, letting you continue. “anyway, he said he could teach me… and, yeah,” you mumble, words getting quieter as you finish the story, finally looking back at the two. yunjin’s jaw is dropped, and she turns to wonyoung with a glare. “you left her alone for ten minutes and she kissed heeseung?” “i wanted a drink!” wonyoung defends herself, pointing at you, “i didn’t know she was gonna sneak off and make out with someone while i was gone.” your cheeks heat up, shaking your head quickly. “it wasn’t like that. it was just one kiss.” yunjin only laughs, giving you a hug. “well, congratulations. my baby is all grown up.” “oh, fuck off,” you mutter, but your arms wrap around her, fighting back a smile. “was it good?” wonyoung asks, your eyes widening. “like… is he really that good of a kisser like everyone says?”

your breath hitches at the question. your mind flickers back to how his lips felt on yours, how softly he held you, his breath soft against your lips, how his voice dropped, quiet and gentle. the way everything made you felt. your heart speeds up again at the thought, and you swallow, hesitating slightly before answering, trying to disguise the true thoughts you have. “i don’t know, wonyoung. it was my first kiss. how am i supposed to know what good means?” you reply, huffing out a laugh. she groans, unsatisfied with your answer, but she doesn’t push further. yunjin pulls back from the hug, but her hands remain on your shoulders. “you kissed lee heeseung. the lee heeseung. and he offered to teach you. girl, you’re in so deep.” you shake your head, feeling your cheeks heat up even more, if that’s possible. wonyoung chimes in, tugging your arm. “okay. back to your dorm, right now. tell us everything. leave absolutely nothing out.” you only laugh, but let wonyoung drag you along, yunjin following closely behind. the comfort the two provide for you makes things feel not as stressful, trying your best to push the anxieties and self-doubt about the turn the night took away.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

your stomach was a mess of nerves as you stepped through the classroom door. it wasn’t that you didn’t expect to see heeseung- you knew he was going to be here. but you didn’t know if you were ready. you had spent the past two days replaying every moment, every detail of that night, too caught up in your own thoughts. you tried to convince yourself it wasn’t a big deal, that it was just a kiss, but your true feelings betrayed you. you spotted him in what had become his usual seat- which was previously yours- scrolling on his phone, leaned back in the chair. you swallowed, getting closer to the seat as you put on a front, acting as nonchalant and unaffected as you could.  you slid into the chair next to him, pulling out your notebook and letting your bag hit the floor with a soft thud. you busied yourself with opening to an empty page, dragging your pencil along the page to make random, pointless drawings. anything to try and ease your nerves at the moment. “hey, princess,” heeseung spoke, his voice carrying that signature teasing lilt. his tone was so casual, like nothing had happened. you tried to ignore the way your heartbeat sped up at the sounds of his voice, or the nickname that used to make you grind your teeth. “i didn’t see you after you left the room. i thought you disappeared.” you finally glanced at him, your eyes meeting his. “i’m still here. sadly.” his lip twitched, that signature smirk forming on his lips. “good to know.”

his tone was so casual, so normal. but yet, things felt different. maybe it was the way he was watching you- his gaze lingering for just a second too long before looking away. or how he wasn’t teasing you as much, you two having a normal conversation for once. you were reading too much into it. this was the last thing you wanted to do. you kissed him because he offered to teach you. there was no meaning, no feelings behind it- on his end. you cleared your throat, turning back to your notebook. “did you look over the project? i added some notes to the shared document. there’s an article that seems like it could be helpful.” he shook his head, leaning forward so his elbows were on the desk. “nah. i’ve been busy with practice.” you roll your eyes, but the usual irritation didn’t come. you continued to doodle on your notebook, trying to focus on the small flower you were creating. but you couldn’t ignore the way you could feel his gaze on you, making heat rise to your cheeks. “you’re staring,” you mumble, eyes still trained on the flower, adding small blades of grass at the bottom, adding another small flower next to it. “am i?” he asked, and you could see the way he tilted his head in your peripheral vision. “i didn’t notice.” you huffed out a breath, forcing yourself not to react. if you gave him an inch, he’d take a mile, pointing out every little flustered reaction you have. it was the last thing you needed. dr. kim entered the room, greeting the class, indirectly saving you from having to reply. you tried to focus, jotting down whatever he mentioned, but your focus was somewhere else entirely. every time heeseung moved, shifting in his seat, tapping his pen against your notebook, your attention would be drawn to him. you couldn’t stop it. as much as you tried to focus, trying to ignore him, your mind wouldn’t let you. you felt like a middle schooler with a pathetic crush all over again. it was stupid. he was acting normal. you were (trying to) act normal. so why did nothing feel normal? slowly, your head turned just slightly, looking towards him. but he was already looking at you. he didn’t look away, your eyes meeting for a fleeting second. your breath caught in your throat, and you turned back to your notebook quickly, shifting in your seat. you were screwed. your heart lurched, your pulse quickening. a small part of your mind tells you that you’re not imagining things- that something has shifted. something is different. but you can’t place your finger on it. you feel like you’re making yourself go crazy, overanalyzing every little detail. every little glance, every sentence, hell, you payed attention to the tone of his voice. all you know is that you’re fucked. you’re officially down bad for lee heeseung.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

your day had been horrible. you wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and sleep, forgetting that this shitshow of a day ever happened. you woke up late, the shrill sound of your alarm shocking you awake, the time on the clock practically mocking you as you realized you were going to be late to class. you rushed your morning, not even having enough time to get breakfast, leaving your stomach growling as you rushed to class. you looked like you had just rolled out of bed- which was the truth- as you walked into the classroom, sending an apologetic smile as your professor glared at you. the lecture was a blur, and to make matters worse, you absolutely failed your test. you knew you weren’t confident with the material, but to have a low c staring back at you made you feel too incompetent. your professor didn’t even hide her disappointment, shaking her head as she placed the paper on your desk, your ears turning red with embarrassment. now, your heavy feet were carrying you to your favorite café, your comfort away from the hectic world, the one place that brought you peace after a bad day. about halfway there, it had started sprinkling, small droplets landing on you as you walked. it truly felt like you had a rain cloud above only you, making fun of how bad your day had gone so far. you pushed open the door to the café, the comforting smell filling your senses, and you felt the tension in your body ease just slightly. you tried to ignore the looks of other patrons, wondering why you had no umbrella, your hair and clothes damp as you stepped inside. all that was on your mind was a hot chocolate, topped with whipped cream. you’d been dreaming about it since you walked into class earlier, making a promise to yourself you would pick one up after class to hopefully raise your dejected feelings. of course, the universe had other plans. the cup looked fine, the white paper concealing what was inside. but when you took a sip, the sharp taste hit your tastebuds, completely wrong. bitter coffee covered your tongue, making your face scrunch up. you blinked in confusion, slowly popping the lid off the cup. they had given you straight black coffee. you stared at the coffee, your pitiful stare reflecting off the dark liquid. you sighed, frustration bubbling up inside you. you weren’t going to make a scene, you were too exhausted for that. it wasn’t what you did. but you also knew if you didn’t have your hot chocolate you were going to go insane. was it pathetic that a drink could help make your day that much better? maybe.

you walked back up to the counter, politely pointing the mistake out to the barista, even pulling out your crumpled up receipt from your pocket to solidify your point. she didn’t seem to care, staring at you blankly before taking the cup with a sigh, muttering out a half-assed apology. you wanted to say something, your inner dialogue filled with very creative language as you watched her roll her eyes when she turned around. you felt like a burden, the comfort this place usually provided suddenly turning into a unpleasant experience. they finally handed you the right drink, about five minutes later. it should’ve made things better, but it didn’t. you thanked her with the biggest smile you could muster, apologizing for the inconvenience and turning around. you were starting to walk to your favorite seat, a table in the corner that gave you a perfect view of the scenery outside, a perfect place to put in your headphones and daydream. and that’s when it happened. too focused on the previous interaction, too distracted with everything that had gone wrong today. you ran into someone- hard. your shoulders slammed into each other, the force making you stumble backwards, your drink almost spilling. some splashed out the small opening, the hot liquid splashing against your hand, causing a small curse to leave your mouth as you winced. you steadied yourself, looking up at the stranger. an apology was on the tip of your tongue, ready to admit that you weren’t paying attention, but that’s when you saw his expression. cold. angry. he looked you up and down, like you were a piece of garbage. as if you were an inconvenience. like you had ruined his whole day, his eyes full of judgement. he didn’t bother to say anything, let alone hear whatever you had to say as he scoffed and continued on his way. it felt like a slap in the face. your mouth opened, almost ready to sputter out insults, but no words came out. suddenly, it felt like the weight of everything that had happened today was crashing down on you. your rushed morning, your failed test, your disappointed professor, the rain, the wrong order, the barista, this stranger- his glare, like you meant nothing. it all felt like too much. hot tears brimmed your eyes before you could get your emotions in check. you turned around, pushing open the café doors, taking deep breaths to calm yourself. the soft rain from earlier had begun to fall in fat, harsh drops, pouring down on everything. the weather felt like an accurate representation of your emotions in the moment, cold, sad, chaotic. you pressed a hand to your forehead, trying, and failing to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. a lump formed in your throat, and you leaned back against the wall of the café. you pulled your phone out from your pocket, trying to ignore how pathetic your reflection looked as you unlocked it, a tear slipping down your cheek as you opened your contacts, your fingers immediately finding yunjin’s name as you pressed the call button. it was like once one tear fell, the floodgates opened. you couldn’t control them anymore, tears spilling down your cheeks as you wiped at your eyes pathetically. the only noise being the quiet ringing of your phone, the rain falling, and your quiet sniffles.

it went to voicemail, yunjin’s happy voice breaking the sad silence. you tried again. still no answer. more tears fell, moving onto wonyoung next. it repeated the same process, ringing. and ringing. and ringing. and then- voicemail. you tried once again to be sure, clinging onto any ounce of hope. same result. you could feel your heart shattering more and more. you felt alone. your sniffles turned into quiet sobs, clutching your phone as you tried to catch your breath. everything felt too overwhelming, too out of your control, too messed up. you were stuck here. you couldn’t walk home, the rain was too strong. you couldn’t go back inside, not looking like this. everything was slowly unraveling. your closest friends weren’t even picking up, and you couldn’t get mad at them for it. they had lives too, not always able to drop everything for you. but the betrayal still stung, everything feeling like a personal attack at this point. you forced yourself to breathe, slowly unlocking your phone once again. you scrolled through your contacts, blurry, tear-filled vision making it harder. you just needed someone, anyone who you could call. anyone who could come get you. your eyes stopped on one person, your heart beating faster at the thought. you clicked on his contact, you finger hovering over the call button, before finally, you pressed it. it rang once. twice. three times. you were losing hope, more tears spilling down your cheeks as the reality of your situation set in. and then- “hello?” your breath catches. you hadn’t expected someone to actually pick up. everything felt so hopeless, the sound of someone’s voice sending a shock through you. you sniffle quietly, trying to get a word out, but it’s like they’re all caught in your throat. “hello?” heeseung repeats again, his voice more clear this time. “are you there?” you take a deep breath, forcing your tears and shaky breaths to calm down. you feel like if you speak a new wave of tears will just spill down your cheeks. “i-“ you start, before your voice breaks. you swallow, trying again. “i need a ride… it’s raining. no one else was picking up.” there’s a long pause, silence stretching between the two of you. you begin to feel stupid for calling, for being such an inconvenience to another person, more than you’ve already been today. you hear a small laugh on the other end, your eyebrows furrowing slightly at the sound. “can’t handle a little rain, princess?”

frustration builds inside of you, but you hold your feelings down. this, however, makes the dam in your eyes break again, more tears spilling down your cheeks. “heeseung, please,” you sniffle, sucking in a shaky breath as you try to get your emotions in check again. the teasing tone of his voice is gone almost immediately, replaced by confusion as he speaks again. “y/n? are you okay?” your breath catches at his change in tone. you didn’t want to be a burden to anyone, didn’t want to push your emotions onto someone else, all because you couldn’t handle a bad day. but everything was too much right now. “yeah,” your speak, you words quieter than you expected, a shaky tone to your voice. “just… tired.” he’s silent for a bit, before he speaks again, and you can hear shuffling on the other end, the jingling of car keys sending a small hope through you. “where are you?” “the café near campus. the one we went to that one time,” you force out, trying your hardest to sound normal. and not like there’s tears slipping down your cheeks. you think you must look insane. standing under the awning of a café in the pouring rain, tears streaming down your cheeks as you hold a hot chocolate and a phone. it must be a laughable sight. heeseung’s voice breaks you out of your thoughts, calm and serious, a vast difference from the usual teasing, smug tone he has. “i’ll be there soon. when i get there just walk to my car, alright? i’ll pull up next to the curb.” you nod, forgetting he can’t see you. when you finally speak, your voice is barely above a whisper, defeated, shaky. “okay.” the call ends, leaving you in silence again. a shaky sigh leaves your lips as your hand wipes your tears, trying your best to collect yourself. you take a sip of your hot chocolate, the warm liquid providing a small sense of comfort in whatever whirlwind your day has turned into. nerves fill you again, the thought that you could be a burden creeping into your mind. your hands shake as you rub at your eyes, trying to push the thoughts away. god, you don’t wanna be a total mess when heeseung gets here, but you can’t stop crying. you force yourself to focus on something different. business proposal, hot chocolate, your favorite salad, cats. anything that makes you happy. and slowly but surely, your tears turn into small sniffles. you watch cars drive by, but there’s not a lot. most classes are out by now and students don’t wanna be parading in this rain. the rain doesn’t let up- if anything, it’s gotten heavier, wind whipping around you at this point. after a few minutes, you finally see a car pulling up. the sight is so reassuring, but you can’t stop the way your pulse speeds up, or the nerves that run through you. your feet don’t move at first, still too caught in your emotions to move. you take a small step, slow, cautious, before the rain showers you, pelting, hard. you speed up quickly, ignoring the chill of the water as you cling to your hot chocolate, as if that will do anything to warm you up in this weather. it’s lukewarm by now, anyway. when you reach the car, heeseung’s eyes are on you, the window rolling down as you get closer. “get in,” he says, voice low, but not unkind, “you’re shaking.” you can only nod, pulling open the door and slipping inside. the warmth of the car immediately envelops you, feeling like a warm hug. you try your best to ignore the way your clothes, now wet, feel against your body. neither of you says anything, but you can feel his eyes on you. you finally turn, meeting his eyes. he looks… concerned.

he raises his eyebrows, waiting for you to speak. you don’t. so he finally does, his voice softer than it was before. “you wanna talk about it?” you shake your head, a new wave of emotions hitting you at his question. you blink back the hot tears brimming your eyes again, snapping your head towards the window as a shaky breath leaves you. “thank you,” you sniffle, your voice quiet. defeated. he hums, his voice reassuring, whether he means it or not. it feels like it’s grounding you in the chaotic mess of your emotions. “don’t worry about it.” without another word, he pulls away from the curb. heading towards the dorms. he doesn’t tease you, doesn’t ask any more questions. the only noise is the soft radio, the car’s engine, and the rain pattering outside. you bite your lip, trying to hold back a new wave of tears as you rest your head against the window. it doesn’t work. tears spill down your cheeks, your breathing irregular, labored, as you try to stay quiet, wiping at your eyes as inconspicuously as you can. heeseung notices, looking at you out of the corner of his eye. he doesn’t push, simply turning up the volume of the radio, masking the sounds of your tears behind the music. it’s such a small action, but it makes your stomach flip, taking a small sip of your hot chocolate to ground yourself. as you get closer to the dorms, your thoughts swirl, uncontrollable, chaotic. you close your eyes, taking deep breaths. you need to forget about today. pretend it never happened, pretend it was all just a nightmare that you’re going to wake up from tomorrow morning. but as you sit there, dried tears on your face as you look over at heeseung, your heart speeds up a bit. maybe you needed a distraction. maybe you just needed… something to take your mind off of the day. he turns to you, meeting your eyes, and you glance down at your hands quickly. god, you must look like shit right now. would it be weird if you asked for another kiss? would that actually take your mind off of how bad today was? thoughts swirl in your mind, half of yourself telling you to just go for it, be bold, ask for what you want. the other side battles it, scenarios of him giving you a dirty look, like the stranger did, filling your mind. you sigh, shaking your head. there’s too much going on in your mind right now for you to also be dealing with this. the car slows as heeseung pulls up outside your dorm. the low hum of the radio filling the tense silence between the two of you. you should leave. unbuckle your seatbelt, thank him for the ride, open the door, and go back to your dorm. but you don’t. you sit there. your fingers tighten around the cup in your lap, feeling the paper mold to your grip. you can feel his gaze flickering to you. waiting. you keep your eyes fixed on the window, watching the rain droplets race each other down the glass. your heartbeat sped up in your chest, the pounding in your ears drowning out the noise of anything else. you should just go. but you can’t move. you inhale shakily, focusing on every ounce of courage you have. “heeseung,” you begin, but the moment you turn your head, his attention on you, the words get caught in your throat. refusing to leave. he hums, waiting for you to continue. you swallow, nerves building. this is stupid. this is so stupid. what if he says no? what if laughs in your face? the weight of today is already pressing down on you, heavy, suffocating. if he rejects you, if he looks at you with even a fraction of the disdain the stranger at the café did, you might just end it. you should forget it. push your thoughts aside and leave the car. just curl up in bed and go to sleep. your thoughts aren’t correct right now. your mind is jumbled, your emotions are out of whack- but then he shifts slightly. placing his elbow on the center console as he faces you. his full, undivided attention on you. he’s waiting.

your breath stutters, heat climbing up your neck. “at the party,” you begin, your voice quiet, barely above a whisper. “when we-“ you stop, shutting your eyes for a second. it’s too late to back out now, you’re already speaking. “when we kissed.” he doesn’t move, doesn’t say anything, simply waiting for you to continue. your breath is shaky, your next words unsure. “did that mean anything to you?” you regret the words the moment they leave your lips. you sound desperate. pathetic. needy. you shake your head quickly, shutting your eyes. “forget it,” you mumble, as if you can take back the words you just said. “i’m a mess right-“ “i wouldn’t have done it if it didn’t,” heeseung speaks, cutting you off. his voice is quieter than usual. softer, but still firm. “that was your first kiss.” your pulse stutters, a breath catching in your throat. you finally turn to look at him, your stomach twisting at the intensity of his gaze. you should stop talking. end this before you do something you’ll regret. but you keep talking, your voice so quiet, you’re unsure if he hears it over the sound of the radio. “can you… can you do it again?” his eyes widen a bit, but the moment is brief. a flicker. and then that unreadable look is back. you want to take your words back immediately, erase this moment from existence entirely. “you don’t have to,” you add, words tumbling out before you can stop them. “it’s just- fuck. today has been horrible, and i can’t stop thinking about that kiss, and i thought that maybe-“ “are you sure?” heeseung asks, cutting your rambling off again. his voice is softer now, almost as quiet as yours. like these words are only meant to heard by the two of you, hidden from the rest of the world. you swallow, setting your cup in his cup holder. you don’t trust your voice right now- can't trust it- so you nod instead. for a second, he only watches you, his expression unreadable. it sends a chill through you, anxiety seeping in. then he slowly reaches up, tucking a strand of damp hair behind your ear. his touch is soft, barely there, but it’s everything you need right now. his gaze flickers over yours- searching for any signs of hesitation. like he’s waiting for you to pull away. but you don’t. you lean in slightly, a silent confirmation. and that’s all it takes. “okay,” he murmurs. and then his lips are on yours again. his lips brush against yours, soft, careful, like he’s still making sure this is what you want. he doesn’t press hard, his hand holding your jaw, his lips barely there. you shudder at his touch, at the feeling of him. and then you kiss him back. it's hesitant- unsure. you still don’t know how to do this, how to match someone’s rhythm, someone who knows what they’re doing. but heeseung doesn’t rush you. it’s not overwhelming. he just guides you, and you let him. he tilts his head slightly, molding his lips against yours, coaxing you to follow his lead. and you do. you follow the way his lips move, melting more into the kiss by the second. you can feel his other hand moving, his fingers ghosting over the side of your neck. you shiver at his touch, the warmth, the position of his touch sending a wave of heat rushing through you. his fingers rest on the back of your neck, just below your hairline. his touch is gentle, guiding you closer to him, and you let him, instinctively moving closer to him. the kiss deepens just slightly, his hand pulling you even closer. you should pull away. stop here. this should be enough. but you want more. a flicker of something unfamiliar and new buzzes in your chest, and you’re moving before you can think too much about it. your hands reach out, finding the front of his hoodie as your hands grip the fabric, pulling him even closer.

that changed everything. heeseung exhales sharply against your lips, and then he’s kissing you harder, deeper. your brain short circuits, the added intensity unfamiliar, but so welcomed. his grip on the back of your neck loosens, his fingers tangling in your hair. a small noise escapes you, desperate, wanting. it’s barely audible over the noise of the radio and the rain against the windshield. but he hears it. you know he does. you feel the way his fingers tighten in your hair, tilting your head as he deepens the kiss, a quiet hum vibrating in his throat. your head is spinning. it’s only your second kiss ever, you’re still fumbling to keep up, still clumsy in your movements. but the way he’s holding you, guiding you through it like he knows exactly what he’s doing- he does- you don’t have to think too much. you just follow his movements. your body melts into his touch, the nerves leading your body as you focus on his kisses and nothing else. your fingers loosen their grip on his hoodie, threading into his hair, your fingers tightening slightly. his breath hitches for a second, a noise leaving his lips. it sends a shiver down your spine. his lips slow, his kisses growing softer again, like he’s trying to ground himself. the thought makes your stomach flip, so many different feelings swirling inside you. new feelings. foreign feelings. but you love them. neither of you speak when you finally pull away, your foreheads resting against each other. you’re both breathless, lips parted and swollen as you catch your breath. your hands stay tangled in each other’s hair, like neither of you want to let go just yet. the air is thick with something unspoken, like a line was crossed tonight. you don’t care right now. you don’t want to think about that. part of your mind knows you should pull away, create some distance before this goes further than it already has. but you don’t want to. so you don’t. your fingers that are tangled in his hair tighten slightly, and before you can stop yourself, you’re leaning in again. pressing your lips against his, not soft, not gentle. you want more. heeseung exhales softly, and it’s like his resolve snaps. like everything he was holding back breaks at your movements. his hands drop to your waist, tugging slightly. you pull away from his lips, your breath heavy as your brows furrow. “what-“ you begin, blinking in confusion. he cuts you off with a quiet laugh, his voice almost teasing, but with a hint of warmness that’s not usually there. “trust me.” and you do. you let his hands lift you, the space between you becoming increasingly smaller. the awkwardness of the car’s cramped interior makes your movements more careful. you let him guide you over the center console, your body bending slightly as it digs into your legs. and then you’re in his lap. his hands remain on your waist, just holding you, watching you. your hands rest on his shoulders, steadying yourself. the new proximity makes your pulse stutter, so close to him it feels dizzying. his eyes search over your face, before his hands find your back, and he’s pulling you into him. his lips are on yours again, and every thought you had vanishes. this kiss is different than the other two.

it's hungrier, more desperate. like he was holding back, waiting for permission to let go. and you gave him that. his hands are everywhere- your back, trailing up your sides, your thighs, your hips, his touch desperate. like he’s trying to commit you to his memory. it's dizzying. intoxicating. your hands tangle in his hoodie again, trying to ground yourself as a small noise slips past your lips. everywhere he touches feels like it leaves fire in his wake. and then his lips leave yours. your breath catches as his lips move lower. he kisses the corner of your mouth, then your jaw. the sensation is foreign. it’s overwhelming. you can feel his breath against your skin, sending a shiver down your spine as a sigh leaves your lips. his hand on your thigh tightens at the noise, a noise coming from deep in his throat as his kisses become messier. his kisses trail along your neck, sucking, kissing, his breath ghosting over your skin. you felt hot. your fingers tighten in his hoodie, a sharp exhale leaving your lips. your heart is racing, your breathing picking up. your body is reacting to sensations you’ve never experienced before. your head falls back slightly, his lips exploring more area. it’s intoxicating. dizzying. but it’s a lot. it’s too much all at once, as much as you want more. the moment you shift slightly, heeseung notices. his kisses stop, but he doesn’t pull away. his breath is warm against your neck before, slowly, he lifts his head, his gaze searching yours. his grip on your body loosens slightly, just resting there now. “you okay?” his voice is low, laced with something that makes your head spin. “too much?” you swallow, grounding yourself. you want this. you want his touch, his kisses, his attention on you. but it feels like it’s moving too fast, caught between the two emotions. you nod, before quickly shaking your head. “i-“ you stutter, your voice quiet, breathy and shaky. “i don’t know. it’s a lot. but i want it.” his brows draw together slightly. he doesn’t look angry, he looks concerned. his voice is quiet, comforting. his hands slide to rest on your waist, simply holding you. “we’ll stop for now. i don’t want to rush you.” his voice is steady, but his breathing is uneven. there’s an emotion in his eyes you can’t place. they’re darker, flickering over your face. your heart lurches at the mention of ‘for now.’ he wants more as well. you exhale, your breath shaky as you nod. “okay.” you want to feel something more. you don’t want to move, don’t want to leave the moment. so you lean in, your cheek resting against his shoulder as you breathe out, the warmth of his body grounding you. his hands hover slightly over your waist, before they trail up your back, hands splaying out as he tugs you closer to him. it’s intimate. too intimate. you’re crossing a line, and you know it. his chest rises and falls beneath you, his steady breathing calming your erratic heartbeat. the warmth of his body feels like a blanket, everything quiet. you let the silence wash over you. it’s not awkward. it’s comfortable. the only sound that surrounds you is the rain, and the soft radio, “delicate” by taylor swift playing quietly.

his thumbs rub against your back, the small action causing a quiet hum to leave you as you shift against him, getting more comfortable. you hear a quiet laugh leave him, so soft it almost just sounds like a breath. his voice is soft, but it has the familiar teasing tone you’re used to. “you good, princess?” the nickname feels different this time- not used to tease anymore. like an unspoken acknowledgement that something has shifted, the layers of tension being peeled back slowly, your desires coming to fruition more every time you see him. it’s something neither of you want to say out loud, but you both feel it. you smile softly, nodding your head against his shoulder. “yeah. i’m good,” you whisper, your voice soft. he hums, tilting his head slightly so his lips brush against your ear as he speaks again, his voice so soft. “you sure? i know that was… a lot.” and you know it was. you’re feeling so much. so many feelings swirling in your chest. but you only nod, not wanting to break the moment. “yeah.” you press closer into him, snuggling up against his warmth. his arms tighten just slightly around you, locking you in his embrace, like you would ever want to leave. “i’m not going anywhere,” he laughs softly, feeling your hands grip his hoodie just a bit tighter. his voice has a warmth you’ve never heard before, the tone making your stomach flip, and you only hum in response, snuggling your head further against his shoulder. you know you’re down bad, you know you’re falling. hell, you’ve already fallen. part of you knows it’s a bad idea. while the other part just wants to live. wants to experience this moment. the serenity, the soft sound of the radio, and the warmth of lee heeseung. and for the first time today, it doesn’t feel like everything is falling apart.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

“i don’t know!” you cry out, throwing your hands up as you stare at the two girls sat in front of you with their jaws dropped. "i don’t even know what happened! it’s all a mess!” yunjin stands up, immediately pacing the room as she looks at you, shaking her head in disbelief. “wait, let me get this straight? you made out with him. in a car. in the rain? y/n, what the fuck?” wonyoung, still sitting, crosses her arms. “and you didn’t think to- what, call us? text us? i don’t know, anything.” you roll your eyes, staring back at her. “i did call you guys. yunjin was too busy getting her back blown out by beomgyu, and god knows what you were doing. he was the last person i could call, and i wasn’t about to walk home sobbing in that rain!” yunjin stops pacing, turning to you with her jaw dropped. “that’s a valid reason to not pick up the phone!” wonyoung’s face scrunches up in confusion, her head tilting. “you called me? i was watching youtube, i swear my phone didn’t ring.” you throw your hands up in frustration. “i don’t care! it’s in the past, i’m just- fuck, i’m losing my mind. i don’t know what i’m supposed to feel.” yunjin looks at wonyoung, the two sharing a look of disbelief. “okay. you asked him to kiss you, so obviously part of you knows what you’re feeling.” “i don’t-“ you groan, dropping your head in your hands. “i’ve never done this before, yunjin! it’s all new to me. it’s terrifying.” wonyoung smirks, clearly enjoying your misery. “you’re down bad, girl. just admit it.” you sigh, falling back onto the couch. “i know i’m down bad, wonyoung. i blush just thinking about the guy.” yunjin sucks in a breath, sitting down next to you. “brutal. so, like, what happened after? you made out, then what?” you pause, mind still spinning as you recount the memories of everything. you turn away from her, your voice quiet as you speak. “he like… pulled me into his lap. and he was kissing my neck…”

there’s a long silence. no one saying anything. you look back to see yunjin and wonyoung both staring at you with wide eyes. “what the fuck?” wonyoung yells, standing up. you press a finger over your mouth, begging her to shut up. she shakes her head, continuing to ramble. “y/n! oh my god, this is insane!” you place your hands over your face, heat crawling up your cheeks. “i know! i don’t know what i’m doing, guys! then we kinda hugged? and just sat there for like ten minutes. we only stopped because my legs were falling asleep and i made up some excuse to go inside.” yunjin only sighs, leaning her head back against the couch. “you’re so oblivious. he wants you.” you raise an eyebrow at her, slowly uncovering your face. “you don’t know that. why would he want me when he has a ton of other girls that know so much more than i do? i feel like a burden, like he has to teach me everything. i chickened out from a few seconds of him kissing my fucking neck!” wonyoung laughs, shaking her head. “i don’t know, y/n. why do guys do half of the stuff that they do?” she stretches, raising her arms above her head as she continues. “plus, not every guys mind is filed with sex. maybe he’s okay with taking it slow with you. i still can’t believe you bagged heeseung of all people, though. he’s known for his hook-ups.” “that’s exactly what i mean,” you mumble, your voice growing more defeated by the second. “maybe this isn’t a good idea. i feel like an idiot.” yunjin sits up, smacking your stomach before rising to her feet. “stop doubting yourself. you’re hot, okay? you’re looking into it too much, i promise.” you only glance at her, a pout on your lips. she sighs, grabbing your arms and pulling you to sit up. “i’m not saying to rush into anything, alright? don’t forget his reputation. but if he was willing to just hold you for ten minutes like that? there’s obviously something more there.” you give her a half-smile, considering her words. they hit deep, considering that his reputation had been the one thing lingering in the back of your mind when you got butterflies thinking about something that he did. what if you were just a game? just something to entertain him until the next girl came along?

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

the last few days had been brutal. you had forgetting what having a crush- an actual crush- felt like. on top of the… physical aspect of it, you were losing your mind. searching for heeseung around campus, daydreaming in class, your body heating up at the memory of his hands on you. you felt like a teenage boy with raging hormones. it didn’t help that you barely ever had the form to yourself, so being able to act on your desires was rare. now, it’s 10pm. you’re sitting in your room, finishing up some last minute assignments. yunjin is in her bed, scrolling on her phone, tiktoks playing quietly in the background. you submit your last assignment, your phone buzzing next to you. you glance at it, expecting a random notification, but it’s a text from heeseung. your heart speeds up just slightly. heeseung [10:20 pm]: u busy?you squint at the message. your stomach twists slightly, the two simple words sending a rush of adrenaline through you. you pick it up, anyway, typing out a quick response. you tell yourself to act normal. he can’t tell if you’re flustered over text. you [10:21 pm] why?it’s read immediately. and almost just as quickly, three dots appear. heeseung [10:21 pm]: wanna watch a movieoh, for fuck’s sake. this could only mean one thing. you felt your pulse speed up slightly, your fingers hovering over the keyboard before you send your response. you [10:22 pm]: watch it yourselfheeseung [10:22 pm]: don’t want toyou sigh, reading his message over and over. you couldn’t fall for a trap this easily, but yet, you wanted to. you [10:22 pm]: ask jake or somethingheeseung [10:23 pm]: he doesn’t look as good as uyour breath catches. oh. your whole body felt like it was heating up, betraying you quicker than your mind was. you should ignore him. put down the phone, pretend this conversation didn’t happen. save your sanity. heeseung [10:24 pm]: u gonna respond?fuck it. you [10:24 pm]: i hate u. be there in 10.you push yourself off the bed, yunjin sending you a look when you grab your jacket, pulling it over your arms. “are you going somewhere?” she asks, tilting her head. you jump slightly at her voice. you had forgotten she was here. fuck. “uh, yeah.” she raises an eyebrow, a tiktok playing on loop as she watches you. “at 10:30 pm?” fuck. think of an excuse. anything. “yeah, i need to-“ you glance around, your eyes landing on your backpack. “i need to print something!” she just stares at you, her expression full of amusement. “print something.” you want the floor to swallow you. “yeah.” "...at 10:30?”

"yep!” you reply, trying your hardest to seem believable. she blinks. “what do you need a printer for?” “class!” you reply quickly. too quickly. “what else would i need it for? that’s why, i’m going to the library.” her eyes narrow, her eyebrows furrowing. “the library closes at nine.” fuck. you’re horrible at this. “wonyoung has a printer! in her dorm! so i’m going. to print. my paper. because class is important.” no response. silence envelops the two of you. finally, she tilts her head. “you don’t have class tomorrow.” you’re going to slam your head into the wall. “fine!” you exclaim, throwing your hands up. “i’m going to walmart for snacks! is that better?”yunjin holds back a laugh, her eyes flickering with amusement. “snack run. got it.” “yeah, i had to lie or else… or else you would ask me to buy you something. and i don’t have a lot of money.” you reply. she only smirks. she knows you’re full of shit. you know she knows. “okay,” she shrugs, looking back at her phone. you let out a deep breath you didn’t know you were holding, walking towards the door. just as your hand touches the doorknob, she speaks again. “use protection.” you freeze, your stomach dropping. you turn to look at her, slowly. “what?” she keeps her eyes trained on her phone, but there’s a shit-eating grin on her face. “you heard me.” you gasp incredulously, glancing around the room. “i told you i’m going to walmart.” she snorts, finally glancing up at you, “yeah, and i’m going to paris next weekend.” you glare at her, flipping her off. “it was the best i could come up with! you put me on the spot!” “it was horrible,” she sighs, shaking her head in disappointment before continuing, “i don’t care what you’re do, but at least lie better. and i’m a bit offended you didn’t just tell me the truth.” you shake your head, embarrassment rushing through you. “nothing’s happening!” “no.” she replies, a smirk on her lips as she turns off her phone, placing it next to her. “you’re getting dicked down by lee heeseung. that’s what’s happening.” your jaw drops, and you yank the door open, your face burning red. “i am not! shut up!” “goodnight, y/n,” she muses, a teasing smile on her lips. you slam the door shut behind you, stomping down the hall. fuck. that was humiliating. you’re never living that down. she’s probably texting wonyoung at this exact moment, telling her everything that just happened. you groan out loud, your head falling back as you wait outside the elevator, sending heeseung a text. you [10:27 pm]: i’m going to kill u.you don’t wait for his response, stepping into the elevator as it opens. your stomach is twisting in anticipation, for… whatever is going to happen tonight. your body is betraying you. your mind is betraying you. thoughts flickering through your mind, making you feel dizzy as you walk to his dorm. it’s a short enough walk, simply enjoying the scenery of campus as you make your way to his dorm. it’s quiet at this hour, and it almost feels like you’re the only one here, besides the student you pass every few minutes. every step feels heavier, like you’re getting closer to what you know is a like you haven’t crossed before. as if you haven’t crossed more in the last week than you ever thought you would.

when you finally make it to his dorm, following the directions he gave you, your heart pounds in your chest as you stand outside his door. you hesitate, before raising your hand and knocking once. twice. you hear footplates approaching the door, before it swings open and- oh. your mouth almost waters at the sight. heeseung is standing there, a white wifebeater clinging to his skin, grey sweatpants low on his hips. his hair is messy and disheveled, making him look even more irresistible. his arms are crossed against his chest, muscles flexing every time he moves slightly. your brain stops working, your eyes raking over his figure before you realize what you’re doing. they snap back up to his face, but it’s too late. he already has the smug look on his face, and you’re praying he doesn’t say anything. luckily, by the grace of god, he doesn’t. he leans against the doorframe, raising his eyebrows slightly. “took you long enough.” you sigh, your lips pursing as you glare at him. “shut up. i’m here, aren’t i?” “yeah.” he says, voice dropping with teasing tone as he tilts his head. “i was starting to miss you, pretty girl.” your eyes widen a bit at the new nickname, and you swear your heart skips a few beats. you want to slam your head into the nearest wall repeatedly. you want him to- no. you take a deep breath, forcing yourself to get a grip. “move,” you finally say, pushing past him and entering his dorm. it looks like a typical college athlete dorm room. he was lucky enough to get a whole dorm to himself, basketball posters littering the walls, a pc set up where the other bed usually goes, and a small couch and tv off to the other side of the room. it was cozy, and not too cluttered. he lets you push him, and you try not to focus on how his muscles feel so much more defined through his tank top than they did through his hoodie. “damn, princess. you’re killing me.” you roll your eyes, walking over to his couch and plopping down on it. you watch as he shuts the door, stepping closer to you. his smirk stays on his lips, his eyes full of something you can’t read, but it sends a shiver down your spine. “so,” you begin, trying to keep your emotions in check. “what movie are we watching?” he doesn’t say anything, simply sitting next to you on the couch and turning the tv on. the movie of choice is waiting to be played, and your eyes squint slightly. “10 things i hate about you?” your voice comes out more surprised than you meant, and heeseung looks at you, tilting his head. you hadn’t expected this choice. you were expecting him to pick a marvel movie, or mad max, something that guys watch, you didn’t know. his smile is smug, glancing at the tv and back at you. “yeah,” he shrugs, not seeing the big deal. “do you not like it?” you blink, thrown off. a rom-com? it’s not something you had expected heeseung- or any college boy in general- to enjoy. you feel like you’re uncovering a new side of him, one that you haven’t seen before. you shake your head quickly, “no, it’s one of my favorites. just didn’t think you would watch something like this.” he raises an eyebrow in response, leaning back against the couch as he presses play. “i’m a man of depth, y/n.” his voice is teasing, his eyes flickering from yours to the tv. your stomach flips, but you don’t say anything else. you settle back into the couch, unsure of how much distance to put between the two of you. about halfway through the movie, patrick and kat finally kiss. lying down after the paintball game, against the hay. it’s like you can feel the tension snapping between them, your eyes staring longingly at the screen.

you can’t look away. it’s something you’ve always wanted. the kind of love you’ve always wanted to experience (well, besides the fact it all started as a bet). your mind flickers to you and heeseung and whatever… this is. without thinking, the words spill out, wistful, longing. “i’ve always wanted a love like theirs. this movie is perfect.” silence. the reality of who you just spoke those words in front of settles in. you blink, wanting the ground to swallow you. you glance over at heeseung, praying to every god that he somehow didn’t hear you. he definitely did. his eyes flicker towards yours, the corner of his mouth lifting into that signature smirk. he doesn’t say anything at first, just watching you, the way you shift in your seat, obviously regretting your choice of words. “yeah?” he finally asks, his voice low and teasing. it sends a chill through your body, and he leans just a bit closer. “i guess they are pretty nice together, aren’t they? reminds me of us.” his words make your eyes widen just slightly, your pulse speeding up at his comment. you swallow, hard. your mouth opens, but no words leave your lips. his gaze stays on yours, intense, waiting. but you can’t speak. the room feels like it’s shrinking, the air suddenly too think to breathe. he tilts his head, the stupid smirk still on his lips. “cat got your tongue?” his voice is still low, but there’s something else to it now. you bite your lip, nerves crackling between the both of you. the movie continues to play, but it’s just background noise now, only sound filling the heated silence between you. he shifts, his body facing yours completely now, making him feel so much closer. the smirk on his face drops slightly, an unreadable expression taking over his features. your breath stutters, and you force words to leave your lips. “well… i mean-“ he leans in closer, so close you can feel his warm breath against your skin. your heartbeat quickens, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with the moment. you try to ignore your nerves, your erratic heartbeat, your shaky breath, the way your lips part slightly. but it’s impossible. he raises a hand to cup your jaw, his thumb brushing against your bottom lip. “tell me,” he murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper, laced with something you can’t quite place. he drags your bottom lip down with his thumb, before letting it fall back into place. “you ever think about that with someone like me?” you swear your heartbeat stops. because you have. god, of course you have. but the words are stuck in your throat, the moment too tense for you to force any words out. you can’t even think straight. you feel surrounded by him. the look in his eyes, the proximity, his touch. you inhale sharply, your eyes closing for just a second as you try to ground yourself. it’s useless. you’re too far gone, the moment is too tense. his gaze flickers to your lips, a soft breath leaving his lips, and something inside you snaps.

your lips crash against his, your hands threading into his hair to pull him closer. he reciprocates immediately, groaning against your lips, like he had been waiting all night for this. his hand on your jaw tilts your head, deepening the kiss. it’s frantic, messy, and desperate. charged with emotion and the tension that had been building all night. all the unsaid words pouring themselves into the way your lips move against each other. his free hand finds your waist, pulling you closer. slowly, he shifts his hand to your back, fingers splaying out as he secures you, slowly guiding you down until you’re lying back on the couch, your bodies pressed together, his legs between yours. his weight settles over you, caging you in, but it feels like more than that. something you can’t quite place. your fingers leave his hair, trailing down to his chest, your breath stuttering as you feel the way his muscles move beneath his tank top, desire shooting through you. his tongue prods at your bottom lip, asking for more, your mouth opening instinctively to let him in. your breath catches as his tongue brushes against yours. it’s a foreign feeling, and you don’t know what to do. your inexperience is painfully obvious, insecurity filling you. but heeseung doesn’t rush you. his hand on your jaw tilts your head slightly, coaxing you to follow his movements. his kisses are slower now, letting you adjust. it’s messy and uncertain, but he exhales against your lips, hot and heavy, and you realize that he doesn’t care. your inexperience doesn’t matter to him. he wants this. you want this. you let yourself relax, your lips moving more confidently against his. something inside you clicks, your resolve shattering as your mind is clouded with the desire. the want for more. more of his lips, his touch, everything. your body feels like it’s on fire, need spreading throughout you. you pull back, gasping for air, both of your chests rising and falling as you catch your breath. your mind is hazy from the intensity of the kiss, of the feelings swirling through you. heeseung’s gaze softens slightly, like he’s about to say something, but before he can speak, you interrupt him. your voice is shaky, but firm. “i want more.” he stares at you for a second, processing your words. then, his eyes darken, and it’s like you can feel the shift in the room. a deep, guttural groan leaves his lips, and before you can process it, his lips are back on yours. his kisses are deeper, more urgent, desperate, like you just shattered his last ounce of restraint he had. you feel dizzy, his kisses intoxicating. his touch grows more fervent, one tangling in your hair to tilt your head. you sigh against his lips, everything feeling like too much and not enough at the same time as your hands grip his biceps, grounding yourself to something. his tongue slides against yours in a way that makes your head spin, the intensity of his kisses sending your mind reeling.

and then he shifts. just slightly, but his hips press against yours. it’s subtle, unintentional, but it sends a shock through your body, a familiar spark burning in your core. you gasp against his lips, your fingers tightening around his biceps as the pleasure spreads. he notices. fuck, of course he notices. hears the small, shaky sound that leaves you. he pulls back just slightly, his breath warm against your lips. his voice is low, dripping with amusement. “that feel good, princess?” you tighten around nothing, your thighs attempting to close, squeeze together, ease some of the tension you’re feeling. but you can’t, not with heeseung in between your legs. his lips curve into a smirk, picking up on every detail about your body. he presses his lips against yours again. rolling his hips again, this time deliberately. your breath stutters. the feeling is overwhelming, too much with all the emotions you’re already feeling, but you want it. your fingers dig into his biceps, using your grip as an anchor for your sanity, but he doesn’t stop. his lips trail along your jaw, down your neck, his voice tickling your skin. “you like that, don’t you?” you can’t answer, can barely breathe. you try to speak, but he rolls his hips just right, pressing right against your clit, and a whimper slips past your lips. he hears it. loves it. but when you don’t answer, he slows his hips, the loss of friction making your fingers tighten. you go to protest, but he speaks before you. “c’mon princess”, he murmurs, hand sliding down to grip your waist. “i asked you a question.” he shifts slightly- just enough for you to feel it. but it’s not enough. your core clenches at the fleeting pressure. “don’t get all shy on me now,” he hums, angling your hips just right before rolling his agan. slower, more controlled. your nails dig into his arms, head tipping back slightly. it’s not enough. and he knows. he’s waiting. waiting for you to break. and finally, you do. you gasp, voice breathless and desperate as it leaves your lips. “yes.” he huffs out a laugh against your ear, a shiver running down your spine. “that’s my girl.” his lips crash against yours, grinding against you harder, pulling gasps and whimpers from you. “fuck,” he exhales, forehead resting against yours. his breath is ragged, fingers tightening on your waist, like he’s trying to hold back. but you need more. your hips push up, chasing the dizzying pleasure. his grip tightens, his hips rocking harder, faster. “shit- princess…” he groans, burying his face in the crook of your neck. then you feel it. the solid press of him through his sweats. fuck, he’s huge. your stomach clenches, an involuntary moan leaving you. he’s hard, because of you. he’s enjoying this. you shift again, your underwear sticking uncomfortably to yourself, voice shaky and broken. “heeseung-“ his hand slides beneath your shirt, fingers splaying across your waist. his lips hover against yours, voice quiet, strained. “i’ve got you.”

it's too much. every roll of his hips, every kiss, every touch. your head rolls back, eyes fluttering shut as pleasure rushes through you. you can feel the knot in your stomach tightening, so close to tipping over the edge. heeseung watches, his breath hitching. his eyes are dark, lidded, filled with lust. his hands tighten on your waist, hips pressing harder. “you close, princess?” you nod, your hips trying to push up against him, but he holds you down, forcing you to take it. a groan leaves his lips, his voice strained as he grits his teeth. “fuck… you’re gonna make me blow a load in my pants.” his words make you shiver, barely processing words at this point. and then his hips move just right- and you break. your entire body tenses, your back arching off the couch as a broken cry leaves you, white-hot pleasure crashing over you. heeseung’s brows are furrowed, his jaw slack, watching as you tremble beneath him. and that’s all it takes for him. his fingers grip your waist tighter, his hips stuttering against yours as a choked gasp spills past his lips. “ah, fuck-“ he groans out, finally finishing in his pants. his body shakes against yours, the feeling only heightening your pleasure. it’s silent for a bit, the only sounds being the movie playing quietly in the background and your heaving breaths. you can still feel the aftershocks, your mind foggy, having felt as if it's flown somewhere far away. and then, a quiet, breathless laugh leaves heeseung’s lips. “damn, princess.” your lips part, but nothing but a soft exhale leaves your lips. your heartbeat is pounding in your ears, everything feeling too heavy. heeseung’s expression shifts, his amusement turning into something softer, his fingers brushing against your cheek. his touch sends a shiver down your spine, still hypersensitive. “you good?” your eyes finally flutter open, blinking softly. you manage a small nod, slowly coming back to reality. a small laugh leaves his lips, but his tone remains soft. “you sure? you look like you’re on another planet.” you nod again, and then reality sinks in. you just came in your pants because of lee heeseung. you basically had indirect sex with lee heeseung. your eyes widen slightly, a hand covering your eyes as you groan quietly. “i can’t believe we just did that.” he leans down just slightly, his lips brushing against yours ever so softly. “believe it, baby.” you let out an exasperated laugh, rolling your eyes as you shove at his chest. “literally shut up.” he only laughs, pushing himself so he’s hovering above you. he just watches you for a moment, silence enveloping you as you both process everything. and then. “not gonna lie, i’ve never came in my pants before.” your eyes widen, just looking at him. “oh.” you blink, averting your gaze. but then, something clicks. you did that. you were a first for him, too. it causes something proud to bloom in your chest, holding back a smile. “why do you-“ heeseung squints at you, an amused scoff leaving his lips. “are you proud of yourself right now?” you avert your gaze, poorly biting back a smile. “no.” “oh my god,” he groans, his head dropping to rest against your chest. “you so are.” you giggle, trying to ignore how his touch affects you. “i mean, i think that’s kinda an accomplishment. don’t you?” he lifts his head, an amused expression on his face. he laughs softly, shaking his head. “you’re unreal.” “i guess you’re rubbing off on me,” you shrug, pushing some hair out of his face. due to his positioning, though, it falls back right away.

“and, uh…” you hand runs down his face, fingers grazing down his chest as your eyes remain on his. “i’ve never done that with anyone before.” he lets out a quiet curse, and you can feel his muscles tensing under your fingers. he finally snaps out of it, glancing down at where you’re still connected. “this is just uncomfortable now.” you shift your hips, trying to ease some of the uncomfortable stickiness. it backfires, heeseung’s hand gripping your hip as he sucks a breath in through his teeth. “don’t move.” it sends a jolt of electricity through you, your lips parting slightly. fuck, this was such new territory for you. before you can speak, heseung is pushing himself off of you, standing up with a groan. “i’m gonna go get us some pants.” you push yourself up on your elbows, your stomach doing a little flip. the word leaves your lips before you can think about it. “us?” he tilts his head, a soft smile on his lips. “yes, us. i’m not letting you sleep over in ruined pants.” sleep over. you’re sleeping over. you’re spending the night at a guys dorm- heeseung’s dorm. “don’t look so surprised, princess. i’m not letting you walk home this late,” he speaks again, watching your surprised expression. and when he reaches out his hand, pulling you up to your feet, you let him. you let him get you a change of pants. you let him pull you closer in bed. you let yourself fall asleep in lee heeseung’s arms, even though your heart is beating out of your chest the whole time.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

it’s been two weeks. two weeks of this… thing with heeseung. and you’re happy. you’ve never felt this way about anyone before. you’re not dating. neither of you would call it that. no one has. not yunjin, not wonyoung, not his friends- but they all have that look in their eyes when they see you together. they know. because you’re together. kind of. you go to his games occasionally, dragging either yunjin or wonyoung along. because he asked you to come. he wanted you to be there.he’s on time for study sessions, even picking you up from your dorm sometimes. half the time is spent actually getting work done, and the other half is spent talking about everything and nothing at the same time. you go out together now. you take heeseung with you to your favorite café after class. you remember the first time you walked in with him after everything. a few of the workers just stared at you. you always came in alone, but here you were with lee heeseung, standing so close to each other, whispering like your words were only meant for you two. he takes you to a lookout about a twenty-minute drive from campus. it’s always quiet, peaceful. nothing’s said, but everything is understood. he always takes you late at night, the lights far away creating one of the most beautiful nights. the city feels so close, but so far away. just like everything feels with him. and then there’s the other moments. the ones that make you question whatever this is. when he brings your favorite drink to class- because he knows it now. when he watches the shows you recommended, listens to the music you play. when he always makes sure you get home safe, walking you all the way to your door before sending you off. when you catch him looking at you, his eyes softer, something that you can’t quite place. when he can always tell when you’re cold, not even saying anything before he drapes his sweater over your shoulders, going back to whatever he was doing like it was no big deal.it's not obvious you’re together, but it’s obvious that there’s something there. and that’s enough. you’re happy. you’re happy. right? the walk to your dorm is quiet. it’s not awkward- it’s never awkward. it’s just quiet. filled with words that neither of you want to say, caught in your swirling minds. the night is cold, but you can’t feel it. not with heeseung’s hoodie enveloping you, sheltering you from the nipping night air. his shoulder continues to brush against yours, the proximity making you feel safe. but something feels different tonight. the whole day, something felt off. like all the unspoken words were going to come to fruition. he had acted different tonight. softer. closer.

tonight, he had pulled the hood of your (his) hoodie up when the wind picked up, his fingers lingering for just a second too long. his fingers brushed against yours while you walked together, and for a second, you thought he was going to intertwine your fingers. tonight, he had just watched you when you were speaking. really watched you. like he was memorizing every detail of your face. and now, you’re here at your dorm. and you don’t want to go inside. you don’t want the night to end. you shift your weight from one foot to the other, looking up at heeseung as he stands in front of you. “thanks for walking me back,” you mumble, shoving your hands in the pocket of his hoodie. heeseung nods, his lips parting. your eyes light up the slightest bit. it looks like he’s going to do something, say something. finally, finally cross that line. maybe a kiss. not a kiss filled with tension, or a makeout session. a kiss just because. a soft, fleeting goodnight kiss. but then, he just exhales through his nose, his lips curling into a soft smile. his hands lift, your heart speeding up. it’s happening. and then, he tugs your hood down. his touch is so soft, it’s comforting. he brushes a strand of hair behind your ear, your breath hitching at the action. his eyes flicker over your face, filled with unsaid words, and you can almost see the way he’s fighting his thoughts.his voice is so quiet when he speaks, filled with something you can’t place. “goodnight, princess.” you swallow, something akin to disappointment filling you. but you brush it off, simply nodding as you take a step back. “goodnight, heeseung.”his lips part again, but he closes them quickly, simply returning the nod. you try not to let your emotions show, just turning around and entering your dorm, the ghost of whatever moment should’ve just happened disappearing into the air. the door clicks shut behind you, and now it’s just you. alone. it’s quiet. too quiet. you’re half-expecting yunjin’s voice to fill the room, teasing you, asking you to spill all the details- but it doesn’t. she’s spending the night at beomgyu’s. it’s become routine for her. part of you wishes that was routine for you and heeseung as well. you sigh, running a hand through your hair before finally making your way to your bed, sliding under the covers. heeseung’s hoodie smells like him. that somehow makes everything worse. everything should be fine. this shouldn’t be a big deal. but you can’t stop thinking about it. the way he looked at you tonight- hell, the way he’s been looking at you every day lately. how close he got tonight, how his touch lingered. and the look in his eyes. like there was so much he wanted to say. but he didn’t. he never does. you stare at the ceiling, unsure of whether your feelings are valid or not. this isn’t how you expected your first romance to go. not that this is even a romance. or a relationship. or a situationship. whatever it is. you always thought love would be easier to understand, to navigate. that you would see someone, and everything would just click. you wouldn’t have to wonder, you wouldn’t be anxious. love at first sight, they call it. maybe you read too many books, watched too many movies. maybe you just had an unrealistic expectation of love. you push the doubt away, along with the lingering thoughts of confusion. they’re not fair. not to heeseung, and definitely not to you. you’re happy. or, you’re supposed to be happy. so why does it feel like you’re waiting for something that’s never going to come? something just out of reach, like a mirage? no matter how close you get, it continues to get further away.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

the sun is out, trees rustling slightly with the breeze. you and wonyoung walk side by side, her rambling about how some guy in her economics class- anton- keeps trying to flirt with her. it’s funny. sometimes you wonder if wonyoung truly understands how beautiful she is. you can’t blame the guy. “girl, i don’t know why you’re surprised,” you roll your eyes, a small laugh leaving your lips, “you’re stunning.” she smiles, her mouth opening as she goes to respond, but the words die on her lips as both your ears pick up on the conversation happening next to you. “heeseung? oh yeah, he said they were just messing around.” something said in passing by a guy talking to his friend. something not meant for your ears, but you heard it. and it hurt. made your stomach twist, a disgusting feeling settling in your gut. there was a party yesterday. heeseung went. he told you he was going. your mind swirled with endless possibilities. did something happen there? was something said? why are other people talking about you? you don’t react- at least, not outwardly. but the words feel like a punch to your gut. a bucket of ice water being poured over your head. wonyoung hears it, too. you know she did. you watch as she turns to you, her eyebrows furrowing slightly. “heeseung?” she asks, tilting her head slightly. “did something happen?” it only makes the ugly feeling inside you worse. you shake your head, trying to keep your voice as normal as possible. “no. but rumors are just rumors. besides, he’s really popular. people are bound to talk.” you try to convince yourself you mean what you’re saying out loud. like everything’s fine. like it doesn’t hurt. she hesitates a bit, studying your face. she opens her mouth, but ultimately nods along to your words slowly, letting it go. she continues to talk, the conversation between you two easily flowing again. you reply, trying to seem invested. trying to stop the uneasiness forming inside you more and more by the second. but it’s hard. you know heeseung. you know his reputation.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

the café was busy this time of day. conversation and the sound of drinks being made filled the small building, the smell of coffee heavy in the air. you’re sat at your favorite seat in the corner, heeseung sitting across from you. the conversation was flowing easily, the two of you talking about anything that came to your minds. you didn’t mention what you heard earlier, even though the doubts burned in the back of your mind. as much as you tried to push the thoughts away, they stayed. taunting you. the bell jingles, alerting that a new customer is walking in. you turn your head, your stomach dropping the second your eyes land on her. sieun. she makes direct eye contact with you, a slow smirk forming on her face as she walks over. your guard goes up immediately, heeseung having yet to notice her. you knew about their history. everyone did. an on-and-off fling that lasted for months. they ended things for good just a couple months ago, right before you met heeseung. “well,” she says, her voice dripping with false sweetness, a fake smile on her lips as she places her hands on the table. “you move on quick, don’t you? i’ve heard a lot about you two.” your body feels like it goes cold. you glance at heeseung, waiting for him to do something. say anything. but he doesn’t. his smile falters, his eyes flickering towards her. you watch as he rubs the back of his neck, simply shaking his head before turning back to his cup. it sends a chill through you, that same ugly feeling forming in the pit of your stomach. sieun doesn’t even acknowledge you. her eyes stay trained on heeseung, her smile darkening, lips curling into something sadistic. “don’t have anything to say? i heard you were just messing around with this one,” she continues. she can’t even use your name. ‘this one’ stings like a burning rod being pressed to your skin. but her words stick out the most. messing around. the same words you hear earlier. the same words that had been swirling in your head this whole day, making anxiety pound through you. it felt like every fear you had was being confirmed. every rumor, coming to fruition. you watch heeseung, your eyes pleading with him to say something. to say she’s wrong, that there is something between you two. that she heard wrong, and things are different this time. anything to make this right. but instead, he just shakes his head again a small, breathless laugh leaves his lips like he can’t believe this is happening. it makes your stomach twist, frustration bubbling up inside you. the man who always had something to say was now sitting wordlessly in front of you, avoiding eye contact with the both of you.

sieun finally turns to look at you, her smile turning sympathetic, taunting. “you’re cute,” she muses, fake sadness dripping from her voice. “i hope you’re not expecting anything serious.” it hurts. it feels like a stab wound to the heart, pain rushing through your whole body. your mouth opens and closes, but no words leave you. your gaze flickers back too heeseung, waiting for something, anything. that something never comes. sieun simply laughs under her breath and shakes her head, leaving as quickly as she came. leaving you two surrounded by a crushing silence. your hands curl into fists underneath the table, frustration turning to anger and hurt as you stare at the tabletop. heeseung still hasn’t said anything. he sits there, silent, and you can feel his gaze on you. it hurts too much. your heart feels like it’s shattering more by the second, and you can’t take it anymore. you’re pushing yourself up from your seat before you can think twice about it, grabbing your bag, and walking. you don’t look back. you don’t listen to his voice, or the stares from others as you make a beeline for the door. it swings open, the cold outside air whipping around you immediately, only adding to the storm of emotions in your head. you can’t think straight, every thought in your mind jumbled. you don’t hear him behind you, not until you feel the faintest pull on your wrist do you stop, your breath catching in your throat. you hear his breath, ragged, quick. and finally, after everything, he speaks. “y/n,” he says softly, cautiously, almost hesitant. his grip tightens just slightly, tugging just slightly more. “you could’ve said something,” you mumble, the words barely escaping your lips. “anything. and you didn’t.” there’s a pause. silence. deafening silence. and suddenly, it’s like the rose-tinted glasses were ripped off, leaving you standing with the reality of your actions. tears brim your eyes as everything hits you all at once. you fell for the playboy. you were stupid enough to just be another one of his girls. your throat tightens, and the words spill out before you can stop them. “i gave you so much,” you choke out, your voice trembling as you turn around to face him. “i- i actually trusted you. i had hope.” his expression falters just slightly, his grip loosening, just barely, but you notice it. his mouth opens, but you cut him off before he can speak, all the frustrated feelings you’ve bottled up leaving you. “you knew how new this was for me,” you continue, your voice rising. you ignore the stares of other students, or the tears that begin to spill from your eyes. “how new all of this is. why would you- why would you take that from me? i don’t know what i’m doing half the time we’re together, but i still try. and you- you just… you don’t try! you give me nothing in return!”

a bitter laugh leaves your lips, full of disbelief. your free hand comes up to rest on your forehead, trying to ground yourself somehow. but it’s no use. your tears keep falling, anger and heartbreak mixing to form the worst rush of emotions you’ve ever had. “you don’t even kiss me goodnight, heeseung,” you mumble, your voice breaking as more tears spill from your eyes, blurring your vision. “you can’t even do that. the only time we kiss is when you want to fucking make out.” his eyes widen slightly, and you can see the way guilt floods his features. but you can’t stop. it’s like you’re running on autopilot at this point. you laugh again, the sound borderline hysterical. your body is shaking with a mix of your cries and the emotion running through you, the adrenaline, the heartbreak. “you can’t even call me by my actual name,” you whisper, the words tasting bitter as they leave your mouth. part of you can’t believe you’re saying these things out loud. “just ‘princess’. always just princess.” the laugh in your throat dies, simply replaced by silence aside from your sniffles. his face- the guilt on his face- burns into you the more you look at him, your heart shattering at the sight. but whatever this is hurts more. you can’t take it anymore. can’t keep sacrificing your happiness, and having doubts about if lingering touches are true or not. “you don’t know how much that hurts,” you whisper, the anger you felt finally fading into nothing but heartbreak and hurt. “to give you everything, and only feel like a game. you know, i used to dream about my first kiss. every first i could ever have. and you- you took so many of them from me.” you finally stop speaking, letting the words sink in for the both of you. it’s quiet, tears slipping down your cheeks, but your face is blank. and heeseung stands there, motionless. confusion and guilt filling his expression, but you can’t wait around for a baseless apology. so you don’t. you pull your wrist from his grip, and he doesn’t hold you back. he doesn’t say anything. he just watches. and that somehow hurts more than hearing him say anything. you shut your eyes, biting your bottom lip to contain a sob as you turn on your heel, walking away. through your blurry vision, you don’t look back, keeping your vision forward as you walk away so fast it’s borderline running, your heart shattering more with every shaky step.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

your footsteps were heavy, dragging. the walk back to your dorm had been torturous, dried tears on your face, little sniffles escaping you as you ignored the stares of other students. you could acknowledge that you probably looked like shit. the door clicked quietly as you shut it behind you, locking you in silence. the familiar space that always provided comfort, seemed to do absolutely nothing for you now. your bag slid off your shoulder, falling to the floor with a quiet thud, but you didn’t even hear it. you felt numb, everything far away. but here, in the silence, it felt like everything replayed. every word, every emotion, him. your chest tightened, tears brimming in your eyes once again. they started to fall, soft at first, but they soon became uncontrollable. you tried to hold them back, to calm yourself down, but it was no use. your back hit the door, your legs giving out as you slid down, hitting the floor. you tried desperately to catch your breath, your sobs wracking through you as your hands gripped at your chest, trying to grasp at any sense of control over the situation. nothing was working. everything hurt. you were left feeling stupid and gullible. just another one of lee heeseung’s girls. and then, you saw it. on your desk chair, his hoodie was draped over the back. the sight sending a new wave of emotions through you. it was like you could feel it from where you sat on the floor, smell the familiar scent of him the hoodie carried. and it was all too much. a sob broke from your chest, loud, audible, everything crashing down at once. your chest burned. your head hurt. everything felt wrong. you were trying to pull yourself together, but it only got worse. the reality of everything kept tumbling down on you, forcing you to replay the memories of the day over and over. finally, you heard a door open, your eyes flickering over to the bathroom door only to see wonyoung and yunjin rushing to your side. their expressions filled with concern and confusion. it only made everything hurt more. your sobs were bordering being painful, your body shaking with each and every heaving breath you sucked in. wonyoung was next to you first, wrapping her arms around you as you continued to cry. you couldn't do anything, your hands shaking in your lap as the tears flowed freely. “what’d he do?” she asked bluntly, remembering the conversation from earlier. her hands rubbed your head, trying to calm you down as best she could. “what happened?” your lip trembled as you tried to get words out, but all that left was a strangled sob, your eyes clenching shut. your hands came up to your face, as if you were attempting to block out the pain. but nothing worked. you felt the ache deep inside you, burning, stinging. “what do you mean ‘what’d he do’?” you heard yunjin ask, her hand rubbing your knee comfortingly. you couldn’t reply, couldn’t even get a single word out. but you heard wonyoung filling her in on the conversation you overheard earlier, only adding to the pain you felt. you tried to speak, tried to fill them in on what had just happened, but it felt like the words were stuck in your throat, like bile threatening to come up. all that left you was gasps for air. and then, you sucked in a breath, and it all spilled out.

“she…  sieun came up to us. said.. he moved on quickly. that i was a game.” you choked out between sobs, shutting your eyes to ground yourself. “he didn’t- he didn’t say anything. nothing. he was just silent.” “so… fuck. i left.” your chest heaved, squeezing your eyes shut as you spoke the words that felt too real. “he tried to stop me- but i told him everything. everything i’ve been feeling… ands he still didn’t say a single fucking word.” it felt like saying them out loud meant that it actually happened. that it was real. that you didn’t imagine it, it wasn’t a bad dream. wonyoung’s arms tightened around you, pulling your head against her chest as you continued to sob, everything feeling too real. you had never felt this before. this all consuming pain that enveloped your whole body. a pain you couldn’t pinpoint, not a physical pain, but an emotional pain. resting somewhere deep inside you. yunjin’s eyes softened, her hands continuing to rub soft circles on your knee as you shook. “you deserve so much better than that asshole, y/n.” you swallowed hard, trying to steady your breathing. “i don’t know what i was expecting, but i-“ you choked on your words, closing your eyes before continuing. “i thought it was real.” wonyoung rubbed your arm with the hand she had wrapped around you, the touch grounding you, comforting you. “don’t say that,” she whispered, her lips brushing against the top of your head, “this isn’t your fault.” you shook your head, finally lifting it as you wiped your tears, a bitter, disbelieving laugh slipping past your lips. “but it is,” you mumble, your voice shaky, “i let him in. i knew what i was getting into. lee heeseung, campus playboy. and i’m so, so fucking stupid for falling.” the two girls stared at you, pity etched across their faces as they watched you break down on the floor, the happiness you had been feeling being ripped away from you all too soon, leaving you empty and heartbroken.

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the world kept moving. the days stretched on, long and unbearable. it felt like each one bled into the other. it was strange. how time could feel so, so agonizingly slow. it had only been a few days, but it felt like weeks. but a part of you felt like you were still there. standing, waiting, begging for anything, and getting nothing but silence in return. you went to class because you had to. because you couldn’t let your grades slip. you sat in your usual seat with your notebook open, but the words blurred together. you busied yourself by doodling on your paper, words entering one ear and leaving the other. you couldn’t focus on anything, when your mind would drift back to him. every time someone leaned back in their chair, or tapped their pen on their notebook, you felt like you could see him. it made something in your stomach twist violently. you couldn’t tell if it was nausea or longing. but you knew it hurt. “y/n?” you blinked, snapping back to reality at the sound of your name. you looked up, only to be met with the eyes of your professor, staring at you expectantly. fuck. you swallow, gripping your pen just a bit tighter. “uh…” your eyes scanned the board for something, anything, but nothing made sense. you had no idea what was being discussed, or what question had been asked. you felt embarrassment flood you, tugging your bottom lip between your teeth as you sighed. “i’m sorry, i wasn’t paying attention. it’s been a long day.”your professor shook her head, eyes full of disappointment. “you need to pay attention, you’re usually better than this.” it hurt. her look of disappointment, her words. if only she knew how you felt right now, the thoughts running through your head. but you only nodded, sinking in your seat as she moved on, another student raising their hand enthusiastically to answer the one you head clearly missed. you forced yourself to sit through the rest of the lecture, trying to pay attention as best as you could. it didn’t work. eventually, you went back to doodling, your mind running wild with thoughts of regret again.

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eventually, yunjin and wonyoung forced you to go out. they thought it might help, and you believed them. maybe you just needed a night out, surrounded by people. that was bound to get your mind off of everything. so, you did your hair, your makeup, put on an outfit you felt good in. forced yourself to smile, taking a deep breath as you told yourself over and over that this would help. it was a good idea. but the second you stepped inside the bustling restaurant, laughter and voices echoing around you, you realized just how wrong you were. he was everywhere. in the boy at the next table, who wore his hoodie half zipped, his elbows rested on the table as he talked to his friends. in the smell of the cup of coffee a waiter walked by you, your mind drifting back to the café that had become your go-to. you haven’t gone since. in the laugh from someone a few tables down- a different voice, a different person, but it still made your stomach twist. the worst part was the basketball game playing on the tv mounted above the bar. you couldn’t help the way your eyes kept drifting to it, scanning the screen over and over again like you would see him. it wasn’t even your schools team, but you couldn’t stop. it just reminded you of him. the way he moved, controlling the court, making everyone root for him. you remembered the way his eyes would look for yours in the crowd after he scored a point. it made your breath hitch. you weren’t sure how long you stared, hyper focused on the tv, until yunjin’s hand tapped your lightly, your eyes reluctantly pulling away from the tv and back to hers. “you alright? you haven’t said much,” she murmured, beat voice soft, cautious. you shook your head, forcing a small smile that didn’t reach your eyes. “i’m fine,” you lied, forcing yourself to engage in the conversation that was happening. neither of them look convinced. and your eyes kept flickering back to the tv.

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you barely ate. you weren’t even doing it on purpose- didn’t realize how long you would go without eating. you just had no appetite, no desire to fuel your body. you would go the whole day, not even realizing you hadn’t eaten until it was 9pm and yunjin was shoving a cup of ramen in your face with a firm “eat.” it reminded you of how much he loved ramen. the thought only made you want to eat it less, your stomach churning at the thought. sleep wasn’t much better. nights were the absolute worst. at least during the day, you could fake it. pretend you were fine, put on a fake smile and laugh at unfunny jokes people made. busy yourself with small talk, classwork, and meaningless conversations to pull your mind away from the storm inside you, even if only for a bit. but at night, there was nothing to distract you. you had yunjin, of course, but you were tired of dragging her into your heartbreak fueled rants and crying sessions. so it was just you lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, yunjin’s soft breaths the only noise filling the room. you felt like you were drowning in your emotions. the loss. the regret. the ache in your chest that hadn’t gone away since that day. it was like you could feel it physically. like a weight pressing down on you, constantly following you around throughout the whole day, but it was the worst at night. you were tired. all you wanted to do was sleep. but you couldn’t. your mind was running at a million miles a minute, everything coming back to you. when you finally fell asleep, it wasn’t any better. in your dreams, you were back there- standing in front of him with a broken heart and crushed dreams. you always woke up before he could answer. and you felt stupid. because this is exactly what you had been afraid of. this is why you had been so hesitant. because you knew how it would end- you knew what he was like. and still, you let yourself fall. you didn’t even try to catch yourself, willingly stepping off the edge and enjoying the freefall until you hit the ground. hard. this was why you had stuck to romance novels for so long. why you had lived vicariously through kat stratford, rose bukater, lara jean covey… the list could go on and on. because, as much as you longed to experience romance, you were scared. scared that real life wouldn’t be like the book and movies. it wouldn’t be like the songs, or the cheesy love-at-first-sight stories old couples would tell you. and it wasn’t. it was painful, and things weren’t always destined to work out. even your playlists had shifted. whereas a week ago, your most played song was ‘bewitched’ by laufey, a lovesick smile on your face as you laid in bed, singing along to the lyrics, you found yourself repeating ‘right where you left me’ by taylor swift lately. you felt like the song described your situation too perfectly. you couldn’t decide if that was better or worse for coping. eventually you settled on the latter, because you would cry every time it came on, your breath hitching the second you heard the ‘friends break up, friends get married.” you just wanted everything to go back to normal. you wanted to go back to the day you met heeseung, walking to a different seat instead of sitting down next to him. you wanted to beg the professor to assign you with someone else. you wanted to never step foot in that fateful party that changed everything.

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it’s quiet aside from the video playing from your phone. you’re curled up in bed, a bowl of pretzels in your lap as you watch a video essay on youtube about fourth wall breaks. you had nothing else to do. yunjin was spending the night at beomgyu’s. again. wonyoung had to study for an exam coming up. you were left alone, your phone being your only entertainment. sure, you could’ve gone out. but it’s 11pm. you just needed something to keep your mind occupied. it usually doesn’t work. but tonight, things are different. you’re happier tonight. things are easier. your mind doesn’t keep drifting back to him. you stretch, rolling your neck as the voice talks about deadpool’s fourth wall breaks. it’s weirdly interesting. you forgot how entertaining youtube essays could be. the peace is shattered by a knock on your door. the sound is sharp and unexpected, making you jump slightly as you look towards the door. you freeze for a second, before checking the time on your phone. 11:15pm. who would be here this late? part of you thinks yunjin came back. but she has a key, so why wouldn’t she just unlock the door? you stand, slowly walking towards the door, yawning slightly as you near it. maybe it’s wonyoung. she could’ve finished studying and wanted to hang out. but when you finally pull open the door, your breath catches in your throat. there, standing on the other side, is heeseung. you feel your stomach churn. he looks different. there’s bags under his eyes, and his hair is messy, like he’s been running his hands through it. there’s a look in his eyes that you can quite place, something you’re grown accustomed to. you can never truly tell what he’s thinking. you stare at him, but you can’t get any words out. his eyes are staring back into yours, and it feels like time stops. you’re frozen, unable to move. he’s here. standing in front of you. you finally find your voice, forcing the words to leave your parted lips. “what are you doing here?” your tone is sharper than intended, and part of you wishes you could take them back. but it’s too late. they’re out there. heeseung stands still, his body tense. his eyes flicker around, like he’s lost deep in thought. it’s overwhelming. he hasn’t even said anything and you feel like he’s already said too much. you take a deep breath, your hand on the door as you get ready to close it. but heeseung’s fast. he reaches out, his fingers splaying across the door and halting your movements. “wait. wait,” he pleads, his voice quiet, breathy. “just let me explain, please. just- just let me in. i need to, fuck… i need to say something.” you hesitate, your eyes searching his. your mind is telling you to shut the door in his face, crawl back in bed, and pretend this conversation never happened. but you don’t. you can’t. something about his expression, the way he’s standing there, eyes pleading with you to listen for once- it stops you. so you open the door wider, letting him step inside. your heart feels like it’s beating out of your chest, averting your gaze from his as you step to the side. he steps inside, and it’s like you can feel the shift in the room. you shut the door behind him, turning around to face him, and it’s like something cracks within him. he doesn’t wait a second longer. he just starts talking, words spilling out of him like a dam, like he’s been holding them back for some time. “i don’t- i don’t do relationships. i don’t know how to do them. i don’t know how to feel this way. wasn’t supposed to feel this way,” he pauses for a moment, running a shaky hand through his hair. “i was fine before you. but now, everything has changed. i’m so fucking confused.” you stand there, frozen, your stomach twisting at his words. it feels like you’ve been hit by a truck. you don’t know what to do, what to say, how to react. his voice rises slightly, and for the first time, you see his true feelings. “you- fuck, you ruined me.”

his words are softer than you expect. they lack the usual teasing. they’re not sharp or mocking. they’re just a quiet emission of something he’s been dealing with, something he doesn’t know how to navigate. the pure emotion in his voice cuts through like a knife, hitting somewhere deep inside where all the sadness had piled up inside you. “you make me want things i don’t even know how to want,” he continues, his voice quiet now, barely above a whisper. “i tried to deny it. i tried to push every feeling i had away. i couldn’t admit it to myself- i was scared.” he stops talking, sucking in a breath as he stares at you. his eyes search yours, like he’s trying to gauge your emotions. you’re not sure. you don’t even know what you’re feeling right now. you’re finally able to force a word out, your voice shaky and quiet, like you’re not even sure you want him to hear. “heeseung…” but he doesn’t respond. he just stands there, his chest rising and falling with every shaky breath he takes. his eyes stay locked on yours, and his mouth parts like he’s going to say something, start speaking again. but instead, he runs a hand through his hair, letting out an incredulous laugh. it’s not a happy laugh. it’s disbelieving, tinged with frustration and sadness, like he can’t even comprehend the fact that he’s in this position right now, pouring his heart out to someone he hurt. “fuck,” he mutters, shaking his head, his voice wavering. “i can’t even focus at practice. coach keeps yelling at me, reprimanding me, but-“ he pauses, his eyes landing on yours again. “i can’t stop thinking about you. it’s screwing me up.” you blink, the weight of his admission sinking in, making your eyes sting and a lump form in your throat. his voice is so raw, his words hitting you like a punch to the gut every time. his hand is shaky as he runs it over his face, shaking his head like he’s fighting something inside himself. “i don’t know what’s happening to me,” he continues, his voice breathy and laced with emotion. “i can’t stop wanting you. i don’t know what to do with that. i’ve never felt this for someone before.” he steps forward slightly, and you can feel yourself tense up. there’s an intensity in his eyes, raw and unfiltered. like he’s determined. it’s the most honest you’ve ever seen him be, the first time you’ve been able to tell what he’s feeling by looking at him. it almost knocks the breath out of you. “i want… i want you to be mine, y/n,” he confesses, his voice full of sincerity. “i want to hold your hand, not just have our fingers brush. i want to kiss you, for no reason at all, but because i can’t help it. i want you to be able to tell people i’m yours. i just, i want to be close to you all the time. i’ve never experienced this before, and it scares the hell out of me. but losing you is worse. i can’t keep pushing my feelings- and you- away when you’re all that i think about.” you freeze, your breath hitching as his words sink in more and more. he wants you. he wants this. your heart is racing, and your breathing picks up just a bit. heeseung takes another step closer, his voice barely above a whisper now as if he’s scared to say the words out loud. “i’m so fucking scared, y/n. this is all new to me. i don’t know how to do this. but i want to make this right. i want to be able to tell you what i’m feeling and what i want, just- please, don’t walk away again.”

the desperation in his voice tears at you, and before you can stop yourself, your vision blurs. the pressure in your chest builds, and a shaky breath leaves you as you feel the dam break. tears spill from your eyes, hot and fast, all the emotions you’ve been bottling up crashing down from the weight of his words. heeseung’s eyes widen the second he sees your face shift, and in an instant, he’s there. his hands gently cup your face, his thumb softly wiping away every tear that falls. your breath hitches at his touch, a quiet sob leaving your lips. “hey, hey, look at me,” he says softly, his hands guiding your face up carefully, like he’s afraid you might break. “i didn’t mean to- fuck. don’t cry, baby.” you can’t stop it. the tears are falling down faster that you can hold them back. heeseung’s thumbs continue to brush against your cheeks, trying to calm down the rush of emotions you’re experiencing. but it’s too much- the words, the emotions, the tenderness. it’s all so new, so different from what you’ve been experiencing these past few days. your chest tightens, a mix of pain and relief swirling inside you, and before you can stop yourself, you press your head against his chest, your fingers gripping tightly onto his hoodie in a desperate attempt to steady yourself. heeseung tenses up at the contact, his hands still cradling your face, albeit a bit awkward in this new positioning. but he doesn’t pull away. he lets you lean against him, tears spilling from your eyes as both of you breath shakily, like you’re afraid this moment could disappear at any second. for a few seconds, neither of you moves. the room is thick with tension, and the sounds of your sniffles and his uneven breathing. then slowly, cautiously, his hands finally slip down to rest at your back, gently- his touch so light you almost don’t feel it- pulling you a bit closer to him. his movements are tentative, like he’s not sure if he even has the right to hold you, but he’s too afraid to let you go. then, slowly, you pull away. but not far. just enough so you can tilt your head up, your eyes locking with his. and for a moment, it feels like the world stops. all his emotions are laid bare- his sincerity, his longing, his fear. and every emotion he’s feeling is mirrored in your gaze. you’re both scared, but you’re no longer hiding those feelings from each other. this is something new for both of you, but you know you’re ready to navigate it together.

before you can think too much about it, or second guess your thought process, you’re leaning in, pressing your lips against his. softly, tentatively at first. it’s different from every other kiss you shared. it’s not the rushed, messy kisses born from confusion and curiosity. no. it’s different. it’s slow, tender, filled with every unspoken word, every quiet confession that’s stayed locked deep inside until now. all the feelings of longing that have finally surfaced. it’s everything you both wanted but were too scared to ask for. his lips move against yours slowly, and the gentleness of the kiss contrasts everything that came before it. the rush of emotions is still there, but it's calm now, dissipating softly like the rain slowing down after a thunderstorm. it’s just the two of you, finally letting go, spilling your emotions out. heeseung’s hand moves to the back of your neck, his touch gentle but firm, pulling you closer. you can feel the warmth of his breath against your lips, the soft press of his body against yours. it’s not like before. it’s real. and it’s yours. when he finally pulls back, there’s a moment of silence. neither of you say anything, but you don’t have to. the air is thick with meaning. there’s no need for words anymore. there’s a silent understanding between the two of you. a small, hesitant smile tugs at his lips, his hand moving from the back of your neck to cup your face. “i mean it,” he whispers softly, as though he’s trying to reassure both of you. his thumb brushes against your bottom lip, his eyes flickering to them before back up to your eyes. “i’m not going anywhere.” you nod, a shaky breath leaving your lips as your eyes search his. “i know,” you whisper back, the words a promise exchanged between the two of you. you lean back in, connecting your lips for the second time that night. the second they meet again, it’s different. the hesitation, the sadness, it all melts away, being replaced by something different. something neither of you can hold back anymore. your fingers dig deeper into the fabric of his hoodie, desperate for something to ground you in this moment. you feel heeseung’s hand move around to the back of your head again, fingers tangling slightly in your hair. you pull away, just slightly. your lips are still hovering over his, and you whisper, so quiet you’re not even sure if he heard. “heeseung…” you don’t even know what you’re asking for. you don’t know why you’re saying his name. his breath hitches, but he doesn’t pull away. you can feel the hand on your back tighten slightly, and he exhales softly, voice low. “i know.” and then he’s kissing you again, more sure this time, more determined. he guides you backward, each step slow, until the back of your knees hit the edge of the bed. he doesn’t rush you. he just holds you there, lips moving against yours, as if he’s waiting for you to stop him. you don’t.

he slowly eases you down on the bed, his hand on your back supporting you until your back collides with the bed. he follows you, until his body is hovering over yours. he finally pulls back, his weight braced on his forearm. his gaze flickers over your face, as if he’s memorizing every piece of you, trying to read your mind in this exact moment. it’s a look you’ve never seen in his eyes before, and it makes your stomach do flips. he raises one of his hands, his thumb brushing against your cheek. the softness of his touch sends a shiver down your spine, and you can’t help the way you push your head into his touch. and then, he speaks quietly, almost like a vow. “let me prove it to you.”your breath hitches. your eyes widen slightly, and you feel like you can’t move. you can’t speak. you feel like these past two weeks heeseung has spilt you open, making you feel things no one else has ever done before, and now he’s in front of you, offering to do the same. and for the first time, it feels real. heeseung doesn’t push. he just waits. because for the first time in a long time, this isn’t a game to him. it’s not about winning, or getting the girl. it’s about you. silence lingers between you, his words sinking into your mind. let me prove it to you. your heart pounds against your ribs, and part of you is sure he can hear it. his thumb continues to trace slow, soothing circles against your cheek, and the gentleness of it, the want, the need you feel pushes you. your fingers tighten in the fabric of his hoodie, exhaling a slow deep breath. you can feel the nerves pulsing through your body, but the warmth of his body above you, the emotions in his eyes, the softness of his touch, it’s enough. you tilt your chin up, pulling him down into another kiss. he reacts immediately, his lips moving against yours in slow, careful kisses. he still doesn’t rush you. his hand slips from your cheek to trail down your arm, fingertips skimming across your skin and leaving goosebumps in their wake. slowly, the kiss deepens, bit by bit. his tongue swipes across your bottom lip, and just like last time, you let him in. it’s still clumsy, but you let yourself relax under his touch, sighing against his lips. his hand finds your waist, his fingers tightening slightly like he’s trying to hold himself back, and slowly, his lips trail lowers. to the corner of your mouth, then your jaw, then the soft curve of your neck. your breath hitches. his lips are moving slowly, his kisses soft and fleeting, like he’s testing the waters, lingering, waiting for any sign that this is too much. but you don’t stop him. instead, you let your head roll back slightly against the pillow, granting him more access to your neck. his kisses grow more intense at that, sucking a piece of your skin and pulling a gasp out of you. his fingers brush under the hem of your shirt, just barely slipping beneath the fabric, his fingertips pressing slightly on your stomach. it sends a shiver down your spine, and instinctively, your body tenses. not out of fear- but because it’s new.

this isn’t like the last time this happened. it’s more full of emotion, more sure, like you’re dedicating yourself to him. like this time, you’re truly crossing a line that can never be undone. heeseung notices immediately. he stills, his lips hovering over your skin, his warm breath against your neck sending a shiver through you. he stops moving his hand up, simply opting to run slow, lazy circles on your torso with his thumb. he pulls back just enough to look at you, his dark eyes searching your face, as if he’s trying to understand what you want. what you need.you swallow, his gaze making something churn inside you. your chest is rising and falling in quick, timid breaths, nerves rushing through you. the hesitation is there. the fear. but so is the anticipation. the want. the need to experience something new, to finally give in to what your body and heart have been desiring. so you don’t pull away. you don’t stop him. instead, you push yourself up slightly, your lips hovering against his, and you whisper, “it’s okay.” something in his gaze darkens, something unreadable passing through his expression. he holds your gaze for a second longer, like he’s giving you one last chance to change your mind. like he’s trying to make sure that you’re sure. but when you don’t- when you reach up and curl your fingers around the back of his neck, pulling his lips fully against yours- his restraint snaps.his kisses are hungry, taking more and more from you. and you love it. his hand under your shirt moves again, fingers splaying across your ribs as he holds you there, his lips moving against yours. for the first time, neither of you are trying to hold back. you arch slightly, pushing your chest into his hand, assuring him he can go further. and just like that his hand moves up more, cupping your breast over your bra and eliciting a gasp from your lips. your fingers curl in his hair, your chest rising and falling at the new sensation. heeseung can feel his restraint slipping more and more by the second. the need to be all over you, to make you feel sensations you’ve never felt before. but even through the haze, he’s careful. because this is you. and he knows this is a lot. his lips place sloppy kisses against your neck, his fingers groping and massaging your breast, ripping gasps and sighs from your lips. it’s like each kiss, each touch is a silent question, waiting, asking for permission without saying the words. and you give it to him. in the way your back arches, the way your hands tug at the strands of his hair, the gasps that leave your pretty lips as he explores places of you no one ever has before. he exhales a shaky breath against your skin, and he pauses, resting his head against your shoulder. his hand pulls at the cup of your bra, teasing you- and himself. tempting both of you with what’s about to happen. his body is tense, his breathing heavy, like he’s trying to control himself.

and then he lifts his head, his eyes dark and dazed as he looks at you. god, the way he looks at you. it makes your heart stutter, your stomach flip, it sends a rush of desire through you, your thighs attempting to close, rub together, ease any of the tension you’re feeling. but of course, like last time, you can’t. not with heeseung resting between your legs. his lips part slightly, like he wants to say something. but instead, he swallows hard, his eyes roaming across your frame. and before you can even process it, before you can allow yourself to feel self-conscious under his gaze- he moves. his finger slides out from under your shirt, and his hands curl around the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head with one smooth motion. a gasp leaves your lips, and he tosses it aside, not caring where it lands. and then he’s back on you. his lips are pressing urgent, feverish kisses across your newly exposed skin. his hands are everywhere, his lips are everywhere. he kisses you like he needs it. it leaves your head spinning, and your body feeling like it’s on fire. “heeseung-“ his name leaves your lips in a breathless plea, barely more than a whisper, feeling everything all at once. you feel him shudder against you, his lips pausing against your breast. then, slowly, his hand slips behind your back, his fingers resting on your bra clasp. it sends a shiver through you, your heart stuttering at the feeling. his voice is low, filled with lust, and he raises his head just slightly, his eyes meeting yours. “can i?” and you nod. you don’t think twice, simply pushing your back off the bed to give him easier access. and slowly, he pulls your bra off of you, leaving your top half completely exposed to him, showing him more than anyone else has ever seen. “you’re fucking beautiful,” he murmurs, before his lips are back on you, his lips immediately latching onto one of your nipples, his tongue flicking, his lips sucking lightly, sending pleasure coursing through your veins. his hand comes up to massage the other one, pulling a choked moan from your lips. the feeling is so new, so foreign, and you didn’t know it could feel this good. you can’t help the way you squirm under his touch, your head falling back as breathless sighs leave your lips. your fingers tangle in his hair, tugging hard. and heeseung groans against your skin. a low, deep sound that vibrates through you, making your stomach clench and your thighs twitch, desperate to alleviate the need growing within you. and slowly, he sits up, his eyes locked on yours. your chest rises and falls rapidly as you watch him, already missing the feeling of his mouth on you. but then. his fingers grab his hoodie, pulling it over his head.

something deep pools inside you at the sight of him. something that has you attempting to clench your thighs. your eyes take over his figure. the toned muscles, the sharp lines, his v-line, the way his sweatpants hang just a little too low on his hips. it makes your mouth water. but you don’t get to stare long. because his lips are back on you immediately. trailing over your chest before moving down slowly. his hands rub down your sides, mapping out every curve. his lips trail between your breasts, then down the center of your stomach. his kisses are slow and unhurried, making you feel dizzy. you body is so sensitive to every little thing he does. your breath catches as he gets lower, and lower, and lower- until he stops. his lips rest right above the waistband of your sweatpants, his hot breath against your skin making you shudder. he looks up at you, his eyes dark, filled with lust, and you can feel yourself clench around nothing. his fingers toy with the waistband of your sweats, simply watching you. as if he’s asking for permission without saying a word. and you give it to him. you push your hips off the bed slightly, slow and needy, your eyes full of desire as you stare at him, a shaky exhale leaving your lips. “fuck,” heeseung whispers against your skin, a shiver running through you. you feel the way his grip on your waistband tightens, his mouth so tantalizingly close to where you need him. and then his lips part, a soft breath leaving his lips as he finally speaks, his voice low and dark. “are you sure?” you nod, a soft whimper leaving your lips as you wriggle your hips, your eyes pleading with him. he only breathes a laugh against your skin, the sound quiet and breathless, his lips pressing a soft kiss against your skin, a shaky breath leaving your lips as the feeling sends a shiver down your spine. “words, baby,” he whispers out, his voice low and teasing, but there’s an edge to it that makes your stomach twist and your core clench around nothing. you don’t even know if you can speak. everything is so overwhelming in the best way possible, your eyes flickering all over his face as he just watches you with a smirk. you push your hips up again, your breath coming out desperate and breathy as you whisper. “heeseung, please.” that’s all it takes for him. he smiles, pressing another kiss to your skin before his fingers dip under your waistband, tugging your sweats and underwear down in one go. his fingers tug slowly, revealing more and more by the second. you feel more exposed, suddenly aware of how you’re now completely naked in front of heeseung. but you trust him. his eyes stay on yours the entire time, until he finally gets your pants off your legs completely, tossing them somewhere in the room. only then, does his gaze drop down, and you can see the way his eyes darken as he zeroes in on you. you go to close your legs, suddenly self aware, but he grips your thighs before you get the chance, a soft gasp leaving your lips as he looks back up at you. “keep these open for me, hm?” his thumbs rub slow, absentminded circles against your skin as he just watches you. like he’s committing the sight of you laid out bare beneath him to his memory. but it’s torturous for you.a whimper catches in your throat as your hands grip at the sheets, your hips attempting to move. “heeseung-“ he pushes your hips down, keeping you in place as he shakes his head. “you’re so needy, baby.” slowly, his fingers trail up your inner thighs, so close to where you need him, but never quite touching you, never giving you what you so desperately need. you whine, shifting your hips up, trying to feel something, but he just pushes your thighs down again. “patience,” he murmurs, the corner of his lips quirking up. “let me take my time with you.” and slowly, so slowly, he runs a finger along your slick folds, the sensation making a gasp slip from your lips. your thighs twitch, and he moves his finger up, pressing down on your clit and pulling a soft moan from you.

“oh- heeseung,” you gasp out, your eyes closing and opening again as your chest rises and falls rapidly, growing accustomed to the feeling of someone else controlling your pleasure. he hums, before moving his finger back down, finally inserting a finger inside you. a moan slips past your lips, your walls fluttering around him. “shit, baby,” he exhales, a breathy laugh leaving him as he looks up at your face before back down at your cunt. “you’re so tight.” he curls his finger, stretching you open as you gasp and whine, your hands tightening in the sheets as he pushes another finger inside your dripping cunt. you let out a shaky breath, your head rolling back against the pillow. and then his mouth is on you. a choked moan rips from your throat as his mouth sucks on your clit, the new feeling making your eyes shoot open as your hands fly from the sheets to his hair. “heeseung- fuck-“ you gasp out, your hips attempting to move, but he uses his free hand to press down on your stomach, forcing you to stay still. to take it. it’s too much too fast. you can feel the knot in your stomach tightening, every suck and press pushing you closer to the edge. your fingers tighten in his hair, and heeseung groans against you, sending a delicious vibration through you. your thighs shake as you gasp, teetering right on the edge. “heeseung,” you moan out, your voice shaky and strained, “gonna- i-“ you can barely get the words out before his lips curve into a smirk against your skin. he hums, the feeling making you squirm before he mutters, “already?” and then his mouth is back on you. his fingers are moving faster, his mouth sucking harder, his tongue working over your clit in slow circles. it's too much. your body tenses up and finally, the coil snaps. a broken moan spills from your throat as your back arches off the bed, your body trembling as you come undone. you can feel his arm press down harder, holding your bottom half still as you gasp, unable to do anything but take it. he doesn’t stop. at least, not immediately. he works you through it, his tongue lapping up every drop of your release, his fingers still moving and drawing out your pleasure. only when it’s too much, a whine slipping past your lips as your hands tug at his hair, does he stop. he pulls back, the bottom half of his face glistening with your slick, his eyes dark as he meets yours- and somehow, you want more all over again. “still with me, princess?” his voice is teasing, and he pushes himself up until he’s hovering over you. “or did i fuck you dumb already?” you can barely answer, the aftershocks of your orgasm still coursing through you. his lips hover above yours, a small smile on his lips before he presses them against yours. you can taste yourself against his lips, slightly bitter. your hips attempt to close, but he’s already settled himself between your legs, and you can feel him smirk against your lips as he grinds his hips just enough for you to feel him. it makes you gasp against his lips, desire coursing through you again. you can feel how hard he is, the outline of his cock pressing against your inner thigh through his sweats. “you want this just as much as i do, don’t you?” he mumbles against your lips, his voice a low rasp. you can only nod, your breath catching in your throat as he rolls his hips again. “think you can take me, baby?” he smirks, one of his hands sliding down your body to pull your legs open further, pressing his clothed cock right against your core and grinding down, forcing a quiet moan from you. “please,” you whine out, your eyes fluttering shut as your mouth falls open in a silent gasp. “yeah? want me inside you? stretching you out, filling you up for the first time?” he whispers against your lips, pressing his hips harder against yours as he lets out a strained breath. your breath hitches at the lewd words leaving his lips, but your cunt clenches around nothing. you finally crack, words spilling from your lips. “yes- please… want you,” you murmur, your eyes pleading with him, full of desire.

his smirk deepens, and he presses a final kiss to your lips before pushing himself up. his fingers dig into the waistband of his sweats, and in one fluid motion, he pulls them down along with his boxers. his cock slaps against his stomach, his tip angry and leaking, and your eyes widen at the sight. how the fuck was that going to fit inside you? he stroked himself a few times, huffing out a laugh at your surprised expression. “see something you like?” he asks, a teasing tone to his voice. you roll your eyes with a small smile, but you can’t hide the desire in your expression. the way your cunt clenches around nothing as your eyes flicker back down to where his cock strands. he leans down, hovering over you as he pulls one of your legs open, exposing you to himself further. his cock brushes against your inner thigh, his tip leaking against your skin and causing you to shudder. “is it… gonna hurt?” you ask quietly, almost feeling stupid for asking such a question. but he doesn’t judge you. his expression shifts from one of amusement to something more soft, his hand on your thigh rubbing gentle circles as he smiles at you. “it might sting a little bit,” he whispers back, leaning down to press a soft kiss to your lips. “but just relax for me, alright? i’ll take care of you.” you nod, your voice breathless as you reply. “okay.” your pulse races as his cock brushes against your folds, the reality of everything setting in. you’re about to lose your virginity. it makes a mix of anxiety and adrenaline rush through you, a mewl leaving you at the feeling. “that’s my girl,” he whispers, his hand leaving your thigh to grab his cock, rubbing himself up and down your folds, coating himself in your juices and drawing quiet moans from your lips, your hips pushing up just slightly, chasing the sensation. finally, he positions himself at your entrance, his hips pushing forward as he enters you. the stretch makes your breath catch in your throat. it stings. it’s overwhelming. it’s such a new feeling, sending a shiver down your spine as your cunt clenches around him, drawing a groan from his lips. “fuck,” you breathe out, your voice shaky and quiet, fading into a moan as your eyes clench shut. he pauses for a moment, letting you adjust to the stretch as he presses a kiss to the corner of your lips. “you’re doing so good for me, baby,” he murmurs, his hand sliding to your cunt, rubbing soft circles on your clit and ripping a gasp from you. “just breathe for me.” it distracts you from the burning stretch, dulling the pain the slightest bit as your cunt clenches around him, his hips starting to move again. a soft, shaky breath leaves your lips, your hands coming up to grip his shoulders as he fills you completely. “feel good, princess?” he murmurs against your lips, his voice soft as his thumb continues to rub circles against your clit, a little faster now. you nod, words caught in your throat as the pleasure begins to mix with the pain, giving way to a sensation- a fullness- you’ve never felt before. finally, he bottoms out. you can fill every ridge and vein, your cunt pulsing around him as it struggles to accommodate the stretch. his thumb never stops circling your clit, easing you into full pleasure. he doesn’t move, simply resting inside you and letting you adjust to the new feeling. and slowly, the pain fades. replaced by pleasure, a want- a need- for more. your hips move slightly, a gasped moan slipping past your lips at the pleasure that rushes through you. “please,” you whimper, your fingers digging into his shoulders as your eyes flutter open, meeting his. “move…”

slowly, carefully, he pulls out slightly, dragging out of you before pushing back in, pulling a soft moan from your lips. every roll of his hips presses him further inside you, making your mind hazy as you adjust to the fullness. “hee,” you whimper out, your head rolling back as the feeling grows more pleasurable, sending your head spiraling with every thrust. his thumb still circles your clit, drinking in every reaction you give him. “yeah, baby?” he murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to your lips, making you focus on him for a second. “still doing good?” you nod, your breath getting caught in your throat as he hits a particularly deep spot. it feels good. it feels so good. but you want more. you need more. “yeah,” you whisper. “feels good, but-“ you hesitate, but you don’t need to finish. you catch the way heeseung’s eyes darken immediately, his movements stilling for just a second, like he’s processing your words, before he’s moving again. “you want more, princess?” his voice is lower now, darker. hungrier. it makes you clench around him, a hiss leaving his lips, the corner of his lips quirking up. you nod frantically, your fingers gripping his shoulders as his hand leaves your clit to find purchase on your waist. “please,” you gasp out. “i need-“ you don’t get to finish. a moan spills from your throat as he pulls out, only to slam back in. his careful, slow, pace is gone in an instant, replaced by something deeper. something intoxicating. your fingers claw at his shoulders, his arms, his back, anything you can to ground yourself as his thrusts speed up. “fuck,” he grits out, his head dropping to your shoulder as his hips snap forward again, the sound of skin slapping skin filling the room. “knew you’d take me so well, baby.” it’s too much. the pleasure builds, your moans getting louder. you can’t even control the noises leaving your mouth, too lost in the pleasure. you don’t even register how loud you’re getting until his hand clamps over your mouth. your eyes fly open, seeing him hovering over you now, his gaze half-lidded and dark. his lips are parted, uneven breaths leaving him as his hips continue to ram into you.“shh, princess,” he rasps, his thumb brushing against your cheek as he hits a particularly deep spot, making you moan out against his mouth. “only i get to hear those pretty sounds, yeah?” a muffled whimper leaves your mouth, your walls fluttering around him as you process his words. his pace never slows, pushing your limits, testing just how much you can really take. and you love it. “bet you’d sound so pretty if you could really let go,” he murmurs, his dark eyes staring into yours. his free hand trails down, resting on your stomach. your eyebrows furrow slightly, just before he presses down. your eyes roll back, a loud moan escaping your mouth and being concealed by his palm. it makes you feel him, all of him. stretching you. filling you completely. “you feel that, baby?” his fingers press harder, drawing another strangled moan from your lips as your eyes clench shut. “so fucking deep inside you. you take me so well, fuck-“ your body responds before you know what you’re doing. your hips roll up to meet his, desperate for more of the pleasure you’re experiencing. and heeseung loses it. “can you be quiet for me, princess?” he whispers. and you nod, hazy, dazed. he smirks, pressing harder on your stomach and pulling a broken moan from your lips as your body jolts beneath him. he slowly removes his hand from your mouth, sliding it down your body to grab your thigh, spreading you wider for him. a choked whimper leaves your lips, your mouth clenched shut as you try your hardest to hold your sounds in. but it feels too good. tears gather in your lashes, your body arching into his.

his cock twitches inside you, a dark grin on his face as he tilts his head at you. “what’s wrong, baby?” his voice is mocking, teasing, cruel. and it only drives you crazier. a tear slips down your cheek, your cunt clenching around him. you don’t trust your voice- hell, you don’t even know if you can speak right now.“too much?” he asks, but he doesn’t stop. if anything, he pushes deeper. you shake your head frantically, a broken sob leaving your lips as more tears spill down your cheeks. he sits back on his heels, the new angle pushing him deeper as a choked moan slips past your lips, your own hand coming up to cover your mouth. he only chuckles, his voice dripping with amusement- and something darker- as he watches you unravel beneath him. “feels good, doesn’t it?” it’s too much. it’s all too much. the coil in your stomach is winding tight, threatening to pull you over the edge at any second. and heeseung notices. he notices how your thighs began to shake, your moans turning into breathy, desperate whimpers, the way you clench around him. “close?” is all he asks, his eyes dark and lidded as he watches you. your hand slides from the sheet to his arm, desperate to find something to ground yourself as you teeter on the edge. “hee-“ you manage to gasp out, your voice breaking off into a moan as tears slide down your cheeks. he groans at the way you clench around him, his hand finding your clit again, rubbing tight, merciless circles, forcing you closer to the edge. and it’s too much. it builds so fast it makes your head spin. hell, you don’t even feel like you’re real at this point.“come for me, princess,” he groans out, thrusting particularly deep inside you. “let go.”your orgasm rips through you, your back arching off the bed as you cry out, a loud, broken moan barely muffled by your hand. your vision goes white, your body locking up as the strongest orgasm you’ve ever had takes over your body. but he doesn’t stop. his pace doesn’t falter for a second, fucking you through your high, testing your limits as the pleasure shifts into something more intense. your body can barely keep up. you’re sobbing, gasping, your body stuck between pushing him away and pulling him closer. “just a bit longer, baby,” he groans, his hand moving from your clit to your waist, holding you still as his thrusts turn erratic. your eyes roll back, your poor body unable to keep up with the pleasure you’re feeling. and then, a low guttural moan escapes heeseung’s lips, his hips pressing as hard as they can against yours as he finally spills inside you. the sensation of being filled has you gasping, clenching around him as his body trembles with his orgasm. slowly, he lowers himself down, pressing soft kisses to your lips to ease you back to reality, your dazed eyes meeting his as ragged breaths escape your lips. you’re wrecked. “you did so good for me, princess,” he murmurs, his voice breathless as his lips trail soft kisses down your jaw, his warm hands soothing over your trembling thighs, slowly pulling you back down to earth. you can’t even find the words to speak. you only nod, your hand slowly lifting to tangle in his hair, just resting there. he chuckles, leaning up to look at you. a soft smile forms on his lips, his thumbs brushing the tears off of your cheeks. “you okay?” you nod again, your voice wrecked, barely more than a whisper. “yeah.”

he doesn’t say anything, simply watching you. his gaze is so soft, his touch featherlight against your skin. his hips pull back slowly, making you gasp at the sensitivity it sends through you. and then he’s pulling out, his hands moving down to your hips as he sits back on his heels. your hips shift, adjusting to the empty feeling, a shiver running through you when you feel his cum dripping out of you. heeseung pauses, his eyes fixed on the sight, hands gripping your hips tighter as he breathes out, “fuck…” your face heats up, self-consciousness taking over when it finally sets in that you’re completely exposed in front of him. your legs attempt to close, a whine leaving your lips- but heeseung’s faster. his hands grip your thighs, keeping you held open as a smile forms on his lips. “don’t get all shy on me now, baby,” his voice is quiet, his eyes flickering up to yours as you avert your gaze. your hips shift, another soft, embarrassed noise leaving you, but he simply laughs under his breath. “you were just moaning for me a few minutes ago.” “heeseung,” you mumble, dragging out his name as you continue to move beneath him, trying to pull your thighs out of his grasp. your hands attempt to bat his away halfheartedly, but you’re too exhausted to actually push him, watching the way he pulls his bottom lip in between his teeth with a smile while watching your struggle. he leans down, pressing a soft kiss to your stomach that has your breath catching, your hands halting their movements. “you were so good for me. look at you,” he mumbles, his eyes dragging over your body slowly, “all fucked out and pretty.” you let out a noise of protest, slapping at his shoulder before your hands come up to cover your face, groaning against your hands. “okay,” he laughs, finally letting go of your legs. “i’ll stop. don’t want you crying again.” you huff, turning your head to hide your face in the pillow, but a smile tugs at your lips. “you’re the worst.” he only laughs again, slipping off the bed, and you hear his footsteps moving away from the bed. “mhm. didn’t hear you complaining earlier.” you let out a dramatic groan, completely turning your body away from him, choosing not to answer this time.

when he finally returns, he sits down on the bed, one hand gently pulling your leg up, exposing you to him again. “heeseung,” you whine, lifting your head to look at him. his eyes flicker up to yours, before looking down again, the wet rag making contact with your legs and making you gasp, everything still so sensitive. “relax,” he whispers, his touch gentle, moving ever so carefully over the parts that make you flinch, your legs shifting with every pass. you nod into the pillow, finally letting your body relax again as your eyes flutter shut, exhaustion slowly taking over your body. “there we go,” he murmurs, tossing the rag aside and settling in bed besides you, pulling the covers over the both of you. his arm wraps around your waist, pulling you closer to him, your body instantly relaxing into his. his fingers rake through your hair, slow and comforting, making you let out a soft sigh, curling further into him. “you good?” he whispers again, like he always have to make sure you’re alright. “yeah,” you you yawn, shifting and closing your eyes. “tired.” you hear a soft, breathy laugh leaving his lips, before he presses a kiss to the top of your head, his fingers resuming their movements in your hair. “go to sleep, y/n.” you nod, letting the beating of heeseung’s heart in your ear guide you into a slumber as sleep lulls you away.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

“one iced coffee, please,” you smile, holding out a ten-dollar bill to the cashier in front of you. she gives you a look, but smiles back, taking the cash anyway. “no hot chocolate today?” you wave your hand dismissively, biting back a giddy smile. “oh, it’s not for me.” she raises an eyebrow but doesn’t push, simply nodding and punching in your order. “alright, then. we’ll have that out soon.” you rock back and forth on your feet, wonyoung and yunjin waiting at a table behind you. once your order is out, you’re walking back to the girls with a bit more pep in your step, holding the cup up to signal you’re ready to leave. you begin to walk out the door, a giddy smile on your lips as you look down at the coffee, before back up- completely oblivious to the look wonyoung and yunjin share. “so, why’d you get an iced coffee?” yunjin asks, tilting her head as she looks at the drink in your hand. “oh, just for someone,” you smile, shrugging lightly as you continue to walk. “you look too happy,” wonyoung teases you, poking your cheek as she watches the smile on your face grow larger, “what happened?” “nothing, guys!” you laugh, pushing wonyoung’s hand away. you continue to walk, making a beeline for the gym. you don’t miss the confused looks they send you as you speed up slightly. “okay, seriously, where are we going?” wonyoung asks, speeding up slightly as she picks up on the direction you’re headed. “the gym? the basketball team is in there right now,” yunjin adds, scrunching her eyebrows. “y/n. y/n? that means heeseung is in there! hello?” you don’t even hesitate when you open the gym doors, the two girls trailing behind you, clearly confused. “y/n. why are we in here?” wonyoung hisses, grabbing your arm as the sound of squeaking shoes and a basketball hitting the floor fills the air.

and then, all the noises slow. the guys spare a glance at you, before doing a double take once they recognize you. because heeseung has talked about you. and they’ve seen you with him. but the moment heeseung sees you, his focused expression shifts. his sharp gaze softens, a smile forming on his face as his feet slow to a stop. he starts moving, jogging over slowly. his shirt is slightly damp, his breathing slightly heavy. “hi, pretty girl,” he smiles, his gaze warmer. wonyoung’s grip on your arm loosens, and you can see her jaw drop from the corner of your eye. “hi,” you reply, holding out the coffee, “i brought you coffee.” he grins, taking the cup and tilting his head. “really? i thought you hated iced coffee.” you bite back a laugh, shaking your head lightly before shrugging. “you don’t.” you watch as his smile shifts into something else. something in his eyes that you can’t process, but he’s looking at you like you placed the stars in the sky. it makes your stomach flip, a blush forming on your cheeks. his hand slips around your waist, tugging you closer as he presses a soft, lingering kiss to your lips. your hand instinctively grabs onto his jersey, tugging him slightly closer, your lips forming into a smile against his. “hello?” you hear yunjin ask, a few guys behind you laughing. “what?” you ask, pulling back from heeseung’s lips, tilting your head with a small smile. “am i not allowed to come say hi to my boyfriend?” silence. until wonyoung squeals, practically yanking yunjin towards her. “i called it!” even heeseung himself seems a bit thrown off guard, his eyes widening a bit before he pulls himself together, a smug grin pulling at the corner of his lips. “oh?” he murmurs, leaning in just enough for you to hear. “say that again?” “damn, y/n,” jake laughs, stepping up besides the two of you and clapping heeseung on the back. “you managed to lock the playboy down.” “so,” jake continues, nodding at the drink in your hand with a shit-eating grin, “care to bring me one of those next time?” you don’t even get to open your mouth before heeseung is speaking. “no.” jake blinks. “i was talking to-“ “still no.” he throws his hands up, turning on his heel and walking away, grumbling out, “forget i asked.” you roll your eyes, suppressing a smile as you look back at heeseung, who simply shrugs at you. he’s insufferable. and he’s yours. 

AFTER FIGHTING FOR THREE DAYS... I GOT IT TO WORK. sorry about the weird formatting at some points, it's the only way i was able to fit this whole fic into one post ^^! also,, did not realize how much i wrote "and then" until i was editing this god damn girl stop sing those words for one second... hope you guys enjoyed !!!!

taglist: @bussolares @w3willris3 @nithxhoon @elairah @fancypeacepersona @talesofthegreatest @jaehoonii @onlyticket-home @cutehoons02 @isagistar @immelissaaa @seongiewon @llearlert @rosepetals09 @cloud-lyy @enhaheart8 @millisvlog @rayofsunshineeee @littlesweettea-aine @evorlaah @kittycatwonie @somuchdard @miraeluv @heewenos @katarinamae @h4niyahcar @aejakeslvr @girlwholovekpop @dearestdreamies

^i tried to tag everyone, but some ppl weren’t coming up so if urs doesn’t work i’m sorry abt that😭

border creds: @uzmacchiato

[kalizzz]

was it casual? — lhs

SYNOPSIS: Let’s play “Casual” by Chappell Roan. How far can you sink for a guy who only sees you as a bed warmer? Somewhere between the silences, you start to wonder. If it’s just casual, why does it feel so real? And if it means nothing, why does it hurt so much?

content tags: angst, fuck buddies, heeseung is an asshole (his friends also), reader is a sucker for bare minimum, smoking, contains 2nd hand smoke too, mention of pregnancy, sad and kinda happy ending (if you squint), lots of crying and self sabotage. no part 2 :)

warning: profanities, explicit content (smut) unprotected sex, pussy eating, mention of squirting, blowjob, shower sex. WC:12.3K

note: damn 233 followers already? thank you so much! here's some angsty heeseung fanfic for y'all

"Why are you so dumb for crawling back to that man? We all know you're just one of the girls he likes to bang."

The words hit, burning through your chest, Your fingers clenched around the edge of the table, nails digging into the cheap wood, the pressure grounding you as frustration bubbled in your throat.

You shouldn't care. You shouldn't. But fuck, it hurt.

Fuck Lee Heeseung. Fuck everything about him.

You knew his reputation. Everyone did. He was the guy people whispered about in dimly lit hallways, the one whose name was laced with envy and lust.

Lee Heeseung wasn't just wanted—he was craved. His sharp cheekbones, the way his thin upper lip curled when he smirked, the small face that somehow made his presence even more intimidating. And that slightly arched nose, just perfect enough to make your stomach twist when he looked down at you. He wasn't an academic genius, far from it, but intelligence was never his selling point. It was the way he carried himself, the lazy confidence, the quiet arrogance that made people flock to him like moths to a flame.

And you? You were just another moth.

But no—no, that wasn't true. You were different, weren't you? Heeseung doesn't fuck twice. That was his rule. One time, one night, then you were nothing but a name on his list, a passing memory in his beautifully wrecked life. Yet with you... it wasn't just once. He kept coming back, kept pulling you in with his heated stares, his late-night texts, the way he said your name like it meant something.

And maybe that's why you let yourself believe that you were special.

But were you? Or were you just another girl foolish enough to think she mattered?

Your breath hitched, throat tightening as the weight of it all pressed down on you. You were exhausted. Exhausted from convincing yourself that he was just "figuring things out." That he was complicated, not careless. That maybe, just maybe, he wanted you the way you wanted him.

But he didn't. He never did.

And you were done.

Fuck him. Fuck his stupid, perfect face!

You were going to leave. You are going to block him, ignore him, and dragged him out of your heart with bloodied hands if you had to. It was what you deserved.

Sike, bitch.

"Heeseung!" You screamed his name, fingers twisting into the sheets as he drove into you from behind, your body arching under the force of his thrusts.

"Fuck, you're always so tight," he groaned, voice wrecked, half-laughing like he knew exactly how weak you were for him.

His grip on your waist tightened, his hips snapping against yours with punishing speed. Every thrust sent a shockwave through your body, pleasure and frustration tangling, it was something that made you forget why you wanted to leave in the first place.

His hand slid up your back, rough fingers ghosting over your spine before settling around your throat.

He forced you down, pressing your chest into the mattress as he continued to drive into you, deeper, harder, making you feel every inch of him. Your breasts bounced with each movement, and then his other hand found your clit, rubbing slow, teasing circles that made your legs tremble beneath him.

"You're shaking already?"

You bit your lip, trying to hold back the moan threatening to escape, but then he tightened his grip on your throat just enough to make your head spin.

"Hee—fuck—" Your voice broke as the pressure coiled inside you.

"Come for me," he ordered, his breath hot against your ear.

And you did, hard. Your orgasm hit, your body clenching around him as pleasure crashed through you in dizzying waves.

Heeseung groaned, his pace faltering, and then he was spilling inside you, his hips jerking as he buried himself to the hilt. His lips found yours from behind, his tongue sliding against yours in a slow, claiming kiss, the kind that made your heart stutter even as you hated yourself for it.

The both of you collapsed onto the bed, breathing heavy, bodies slick with sweat and satisfaction.

Heeseung didn't move immediately. Instead, he slid his fingers through your hair, tugging lightly as he kissed the back of your neck.

Your chest tightened.

Was it casual?

Your brain screamed yes.

But the way your heart fluttered said otherwise.

Fuck Lee Heeseung. Fuck him for making simple things feel intimate.

Fuck him for always making you stay at his place, for the way he hugged you from behind in the morning, lips warm against your neck as he whispered a sleepy "Good morning, baby." Like you were his. Like this was more than just a cycle of fucking and pretending it didn't mean anything.

And fuck him, most of all for never wearing a condom when it came to you.

Your legs shook as you sat on the edge of the bed, his cum dripping down your thigh. The room still smelled like sweat, sex, and Heeseung—faint cologne mixed with something distinctly him. Your chest rose and fell unevenly, fingers clutching the sheets as you glared at him.

"I told you not to cum inside me," you snapped.

Heeseung, fresh out of the shower, a towel slung low around his hips, only grinned as he reached for you, spreading your legs with ease. He looked down, watching the way your swollen cunt twitched, still messy from him.

"I always thought you weren't the type to let that happen," you muttered, frustration bubbling in your chest. "I heard you always wear a condom with other girls."

His smirk deepened. "Maybe you're not like other girls."

Your stomach twisted. You hated how easily his words got to you, how they made your heart stumble, made you want to believe you were different even when you knew better.

Before you could snap back, Heeseung licked his lips, then slowly, wiped the mess between your legs with a towel.

You sucked in a sharp breath at the sensation, the rough fabric making you flinch. "I told you to take a pill," he murmured, his voice half-amused, half-serious.

Your glare hardened. "Fuck you? You're the one who needs to adjust, bitch. If I get pregnant—"

He cut you off smoothly, not even blinking. "It won't be a problem." He looked at you, "I'm ready to be a father, babe."

Your whole body locked up. What?

Your breath hitched, your cheeks flushing as you raised your hand to slap his shoulder. He laughed, dodging easily, catching your wrist in his grip before kissing your knuckles.

"You're so cute when you get mad," he teased, leaning in, his lips barely brushing against yours.

Your heart stupidly skipped a beat. He kissed you again, as if this wasn't just another night of mistakes.

"I'll buy you Plan B tomorrow," he murmured against your lips.

You swallowed hard, fingers curling against his chest.

Was it casual?

Fuck him for ghosting you after spending the whole weekend in his bed.

You stared at your phone, fingers tightening around the device like you could crush it, like that would somehow erase the ache in your chest. The message you sent two days ago still sat there, unread. Or maybe it was read, and he just didn't care enough to reply.

And screw you—screw you for being so fucking stupid. For always checking your notifications like some pathetic, desperate girl waiting for scraps of attention. For letting your heart lurch every time your phone vibrated, only to sink when it wasn't him.

"Just get over him already," your friend sighed, sipping her iced coffee as she leaned back against the café booth. "He's not worth it."

How could you?

How could you just get over the way he kissed your forehead in the middle of the night, the way he pulled you closer in his sleep, like he needed you there? How could you forget his sweet smile, his stupid Bambi eyes, the way he looked at you like you were something special only to turn around and act like you didn't exist?

And screw you—screw you for being a fucking loser.

And that's why you were here, drowning in cheap alcohol, trying to forget him.

"God, I really need a drink." You muttered, rubbing your temple as the bass of the club pulsed through your skull.

Your friend side-eyed you, unimpressed. "It's fucking Wednesday, babe. Middle of the week. Calm your ass down."

You ignored her, slamming back another shot.

"Fuck Lee Heeseung!" you suddenly shouted, voice slurred, drawing a few stares from nearby tables.

Legs swaying, balance unsteady, you barely noticed when someone grabbed your waist, steadying you before you could fall flat on your face.

A familiar grip. A familiar presence.

Your blurry vision focused just enough to make out the sharp jawline, the messy dark hair, the annoyingly pretty face you spent too much time thinking about.

"Ohhh, it's you—Lee Heeseung!" You pointed at him, laughing. "What ya doin' here?"

His jaw ticked, eyes dark as they scanned over you, your messy hair, smudged lipstick, a dress that rode up dangerously high on your thighs.

"I'm here to pick your drunk ass up." His voice was flat and irritated, but his hold on you was steady. He slid your arm over his shoulder, gripping your waist tighter as he started leading you toward the exit.

You let him, but only because walking felt impossible. Then, with a giggle, you leaned in, breath warm against his skin. "Ohhh, was it casual for you to pick me up at 3 AM because I'm sooo drunk?"

Your voice was teasing, but underneath it, it hurt.

His jaw clenched, his grip tightening around your waist for a brief second before loosening again.

"Shut up." His voice was quieter now. "Let's go."

"No!" You ripped your arm from his grasp, stumbling back, your vision spinning.

"Why are you always like this, Heeseung?" Your voice cracked, but you didn't care. You jabbed a finger into his chest. "You fuck me on the weekends, make me feel like I actually matter, and then act like I don't exist after? You cuddle me, you kiss me, you hold me like—like I mean something! And then suddenly, you're back to being a complete dick?!"

You let out a bitter laugh, raising both middle fingers at him. "Fuck you! You couldn't even text me. Couldn't even take me out on a proper fucking date. What am I to you, huh?"

Heeseung exhaled through his nose, shaking his head with a scoff.

"Is that the reason you got yourself wasted here?" His voice dripped with condescension, his lips curling in amusement like this was all some fucking joke to him. "Because I didn't text you? That's pathetic."

His words stung more than they should have. Your nails dug into your palms.

"Why do you even care about how I act?" he continued, "We're not even together, so you don't get to tell me what to do or what not to do."

You stared at him, breath shaky, chest tight. "Not together." The words felt like poison in your mouth. "Right. That's your excuse for treating me like shit, huh?"

His eyes flickered but his face remained impassive, like he wasn't affected at all.

"I never made you any promises. You're not getting attached, are you? I just want to fuck you." he said simply, and somehow, that hurt the most.

Your throat burned. Fucking bastard.

"Right," you whispered, voice trembling with a mix of anger and heartbreak. Your nails dug into your palms so hard it hurt. "So I guess I was just some easy fuck to you, then?"

His expression didn't change, not even a flicker of guilt. His gaze swept over you lazily, bored, like he was already done with this conversation.

You could feel your resolve crumbling.

You wanted to slap him, to scream in his face, to put a fucking ax in his head for being such a heartless asshole, but you never did.

"You know what, Heeseung?" You took a step back, blinking away the sting in your eyes. "I actually thought—fuck, I actually thought you gave a shit about me." You let out a breathless chuckle, shaking your head. "But you don't, do you? You never did."

"God, I was so fucking stupid." You wiped at your face angrily. "Waiting for you to text me back like an idiot, hoping that maybe—maybe this time, it meant something." Your voice wavered, but you kept going. "But nah, right? It's just sex. Just another girl warming your bed. Just another weekend before you move on to the next."

"Fucking say something, Heeseung!" you snapped, stepping closer, shoving his chest. He didn't even budge. He just looked down at you, dark eyes blank.

And then he spoke. "What do you want me to say?" His voice was low. "You knew what this was. I never lied to you. Whatever what's happening between us, it's just casual fuck."

Your stomach twisted. Right, casual.

"Fuck you." Your voice cracked.

You turned your back on him, forcing yourself to walk away, each step heavier than the last.

And the worst part was he didn't even follow you.

No "wait." No "don't go." No "I'm sorry."

Just silence.

The street felt too empty, the cold night air biting at your skin, but nothing compared to the hollowness settling deep in your chest. You had thought, no, you had hoped—that maybe Heeseung saw you as more.

But he didn't, because Heeseung wasn't the kind of guy to need anyone. Not the way you needed him.

And you were done.

You were going to free yourself from this. No more late-night texts that made your stomach flip. No more rearranging your plans just to see him. No more pretending that his touches meant something when, in reality, they meant nothing.

You weren't going to be his puppy, following him around, saying yes to every last-minute "come over" text like some desperate loser.

You were leaving.

Right.

...

So why was it so fucking hard?

Why, after days of stubborn silence, after forcing yourself not to check your phone, were you back here again?

Why were you in his fucking passenger seat, his fingers buried inside you, his mouth pressed between your thighs, making you fall apart like the past week never even happened?

And why did it still feel so fucking good?

You hated this, you hated him and you hated yourself more.

"That's it, baby. Moan for me." Heeseung groaned against your soaked folds, his voice were dripping with hunger. His hands were everywhere, one gripping your thigh, keeping you spread open, the other palming your breast, his thumb lazily flicking over your nipple.

It felt so good, so maddeningly good, and that made you want to fucking cry.

"More—please, please." Your voice came out breathless, a plea wrapped in desperation.

Heeseung let out a low groan against your cunt, the vibration sending another shudder down your spine. "Can't get enough of you," he muttered, voice wrecked, and needy but you knew better than to believe it.

Because Heeseung never needed anyone.

He sucked your clit into his mouth, swirling his tongue in slow, teasing strokes before dragging it down, tracing messy patterns over your entrance.

Then his fingers. His hand slid down, tracing along your slit before thrusting inside suddenly, stretching you open, curling perfectly to hit that spot that made your legs tremble.

"Fuck—Heeseung!" You gasped, hips bucking, your back arching off the seat.

He was too good at this, too good at knowing your body, too good at making you fall apart, too good at breaking you down piece by piece until you forgot why you were mad, why you ever wanted to leave.

Your hands tangled in his hair, your fingers twisting at the roots as your legs shook. Heeseung groaned at the sting of your pull, pushing his fingers deeper, his tongue working faster, dragging you closer to the edge.

"Heeseung," you whined, voice high, breathless. "Getting close—please—"

And this was why you kept coming back. Because he knew you. Knew your body. Knew exactly how to ruin you.

Because the way he touched you, the way he kissed you, the way he fucked you—it felt too real.

Heeseung was right. He never made you any promises, never gave you any reason to believe this was something more than sex.

You were just a dumb, stupid girl who kept misreading his actions. Who kept thinking she was special. But you weren't.

And yet, despite knowing all of that, despite the anger twisting in your chest, your fucking heart fluttered when he pulled himself up, his lips crashing into yours while his fingers still worked inside you. And you hated it.

Hated how he kissed you so slow.

Hated how he moved his fingers just right, drawing out every last wave of pleasure, dragging out your orgasm until you were crying against his mouth.

Hated how he made it feel intimate—

And hated yourself the most. Because no matter how much it hurt, no matter how many times he ghosted you, ignored you, acted like you were nothing.

You knew you'd still come back.

Like a fucking idiot.

And you really were stupid. Because after everything, after the nights he spent inside you, after the way he kissed you, Heeseung was still the same.

Still cocky. Still stupidly attractive as he leaned against the lockers in the university hallway, a lazy smirk on his lips, talking to some girl. Did it shock you? No. Did it hurt? Absolutely.

The lump in your throat grew heavier. You forced yourself to walk past him, shoulders stiff, steps quick—like he was nothing to you. Like last night, when he had you moaning his name in his passenger seat, never happened.

But he didn't even look at you, didn't glance up, didn't acknowledge you.

Your hands curled into fists, nails digging into your palms as you swallowed the sting.

Because that's what you were, right? Nothing.

Not his girlfriend. Not someone he cared about. Just another name on his list, another girl who meant nothing the second he zipped up his jeans.

And yet, you still hated the way your stomach twisted when the girl he was talking to giggled, leaning in closer. Hated the way he smirked, tilting his head like he was already picturing her naked. The same way he did to you.

Your chest ached.

You felt the bed shift, the mattress sinking under his weight. Then, warm hands—his hands—sliding over your waist, fingers pressing against your bare skin.

Soft lips ghosted along your neck.

"Who the fuck let you in?" Your voice was flat, uninterested, even as your grip on your phone tightened. You didn't turn to face him.

"Natty."

You scoffed. "Ha. I doubt it."

"Swear on my life, baby." Heeseung's voice was low, teasing, the way it always was when he wanted something.

You laughed, sarcastic.

"Missed you," he whined, arms tightening around you, his tongue flicking out to lick the sensitive skin just below your ear. That spot he knew drove you crazy.

"What happened to the girl you were talking to yesterday?" you asked, voice dripping in bitterness.  "Couldn't get into her pants?"

Heeseung laughed, his hands slipped under your shirt, palms gliding up your stomach, his breath hitching when he realized—

"Fuck, no bra?" He cursed under his breath, squeezing your breast, his thumb rolling over your nipple.

Your body arch, you hated it, but still reacted.

"Nah," he continued, his lips tracing the shell of your ear. "Just... nothing compared to you."

You almost wanted to choke him, but instead, you swallowed the frustration bubbling in your chest and forced your voice to stay steady.

"Your sister told me you should come home this weekend." You changed the topic, ignoring his fingers still lazily squeezing your chest.

Heeseung huffed a quiet laugh against your neck, completely unfazed.

"Huh? You guys always talk." He sounded amused, like this was cute to him.

You rolled your eyes. "Because you're not replying to their messages. Your mom worries about you."

His hands didn't stop. Of course, they didn't, he was still kneading, still playing with you, his thumbs rolling slow, lazy circles over your nipples as if you weren't trying to have a serious conversation.

He hummed in response, shifting slightly to lie back against your bed, tugging you against his chest.

"Hmm, okay." He finally said, completely casual.

You swallowed, your heart thudding stupidly at the way he pulled you in, the way he tucked you against him.

"Want to come with me?"

Your breath hitched. You turned your head slightly, just enough to see him over your shoulder. A small smirk tugging at his lips as if he was already expecting your reaction.

Wide eyes, stupidly hopeful heart. Fucking idiot.

"Why?"

Heeseung's fingers trailed down your stomach, dipping just under the waistband of your shorts, making your breath hitch.

"What do you mean why?" he murmured, lips brushing against your shoulder. "Wouldn't it be fun?"

You clenched your jaw, fingers curling into the bedsheets.

"Right," you muttered, looking away. "Just fun."

And of course, you still said yes. Because who wouldn't want an instant vacation?

At least, that's what you told yourself. That this was just a trip. Just an escape. Not another excuse to be near Heeseung. Not another way to keep fooling yourself.

So you ignored the nagging in your chest, ignored the way he carried your bag.

Ignored how fucking easy it was to slip into the illusion of being his as both of you stepped into the small, cozy house.

The moment the door swung open, a woman who looked exactly like him rushed forward, eyes bright, a tearful smile on her face.

"I missed you, my boy!" She practically tackled Heeseung, wrapping her arms around him so tightly that even he seemed a little surprised.

He scoffed but hugged her back, his usual lazy smirk softening just a little. "Ma, I told you I was gonna visit soon. Tell Haneul to stop bothering us."

You blinked, shifting awkwardly as the woman, his mother, finally pulled back, wiping at the corner of her eyes before her gaze fell on you.

And before you could react, she hugged you, too.

Your whole body stiffened. What the fuck.

"You must be the girl Haneul keeps talking about," she said warmly, stepping back just enough to study your face. "Is Heeseung treating you right?"

Your mouth opened, but no sound came out. You had no idea how to respond to that.

Your eyes flickered to Heeseung, who had already dropped both of your bags onto the couch, watching you with a raised brow, completely unbothered.

You swallowed, forcing out a tight, awkward laugh. "We're not actually together, madam." You admitted, your voice stiff, uncertain.

His mother blinked, the warmth in her eyes faltering just slightly. "Oh."

You could feel Heeseung's eyes on you, but you didn't dare look at him. Your fingers twisted in the hem of your shirt, heart hammering in your chest.

And then, his mother smiled. Soft. Knowing. "I see."

You spent your days with his family wearing a smile, pretending it didn't hurt to exist in this space that wasn't really yours.

His sister, Haneul, was a breath of fresh air—constantly chattering about life, relationships, and the latest dramas, seamlessly pulling you into conversations that felt easy. She told you how glad she was that you were here, that someone like you was easy to talk to, unlike her emotionally constipated brother.

"Heeseung doesn't get it," she had said with a playful eye roll, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. "I swear, he's impossible to talk to sometimes. But you... I can tell you actually listen."

Her words made something warm stir in your chest.

His mother, on the other hand, couldn't stop talking about him—stories of him as a child, wild and reckless, stubborn and free.

"You should've seen him," she laughed, eyes twinkling with nostalgia. "Always climbing trees, always getting himself into trouble. One time, he fell and scraped up his entire knee, but do you think he cried? No. He just looked at me and said, 'It doesn't hurt, Ma,' even though his leg was bleeding like crazy."

His father chuckled, shaking his head. "Stupid boy still complains like hell when he stubs his toe, though."

You laughed along, your chest tightening as you glanced at Heeseung, waiting to see how he would react to their teasing. But he only sighed, shoving a spoonful of rice into his mouth.

Later, at the sea, you sat on the warm sand, toes buried in the grains, watching the waves crash against the shore, but your eyes weren't on the water. They were on him.

Heeseung was playing with his younger cousins, his laughter echoing through the salty air as he ran across the sand, chasing after them with an easy, boyish grin you had never seen before.

His usual cocky, indifferent mask was gone. No teasing smirks, no smug glances, no careless words designed to keep you at a distance.

You watched as he scooped up one of the kids, tossing them playfully over his shoulder while they shrieked in laughter. Heeseung's eyes crinkled at the corners, his shoulders shaking with amusement as he spun them around before dropping them gently back onto the sand.

He was so different.

This version of him—the one who smiled without arrogance, who laughed without restraint, who looked so effortlessly warm was a version you had never been allowed to see before.

Then, as if feeling your stare, his gaze flicked up to meet yours.

Your breath caught. His lips curled into a familiar smirk, the mask slipping back into place, and suddenly, he was walking toward you.

Your pulse spiked.

Oh, fuck no.

You scrambled to stand, to put distance between you before he could ruin you any further, but you had barely taken two steps when strong arms wrapped around your waist, yanking you off the ground.

"Heeseung!" you shrieked, kicking your feet as he lifted you effortlessly, his grip firm.

He laughed, breath warm against your ear. "Where do you think you're going, huh?"

Your stomach twisted. You should be mad—and you were—but the way he held you, the way he pressed his forehead against your temple as he spun you around, made some feeling of deep inside you crumble.

"Put me down, you asshole!" You squirmed, trying to sound pissed, trying to ignore the way your heart was slamming against your ribs.

But Heeseung only grinned, holding you tighter.

"Not a chance, baby."

As the days of your so-called vacation slipped by, you found yourself in Heeseung's bed, again, the soft glow of his bedside lamp casting shadows across his face.

Both of you lay tangled in the sheets, talking, laughing about nothing, about everything.

You stared at the ceiling, heart pounding a little too fast, stomach twisting a little too tight.

Was it casual for the both of you to stay up until 4 AM, talking shit about the people you hated, exchanging knowing glances as you made fun of your professors, the fake smiles of people you both barely tolerated?

Was it casual to hear him laugh—really laugh—not that cocky, arrogant chuckle, but softer?

Was it casual that he traced lazy patterns on your bare thigh while he talked?

One second, you were talking. The next, his lips were on yours.

What was supposed to be one last fuck before sleep turned into something more, something too much. The way he touched you was different tonight, his fingers coaxing sounds from you you didn't even recognize as your own. The way he fucked you was relentless, teasing, overwhelming, pushing you past your limits until you squirted until you were too tired to move, too weak to even change the sheets.

So you stayed there. In the mess of it all.

The damp sheets clinging to your skin, the scent of sex still lingering in the air, the weight of him pressed against you.

His arms draped lazily around your waist, pulling you close. His head resting on your chest, his breath warm, steady, as he slept so soundly—like he didn't just ruin you all over again. Like this wasn't killing you inside.

You lay there, wide awake, staring at the ceiling, feeling the way his fingers twitched in his sleep, the way his breathing hitched slightly before evening out again.

On the last day of your stay, the two of you sat at Heeseung's childhood hideout—a small, secluded clearing behind his house, nestled between overgrown trees and old memories he never talked about. The sky was dark, the moon barely peeking through the leaves, and the only sounds were the distant hum of cicadas and the soft crackle of burning cigarettes between your fingers.

Heeseung exhaled a slow stream of smoke, his head tilted back.

"I hate my father for always shouting," he muttered.

You watched the cigarette between your fingers, tapping off the ash, not saying anything. Just listening.

"My mother always tolerated him. Always crying, always forcing a smile, pretending he didn't just spit the ugliest words at her."

You nodded, silent, because what the hell were you supposed to say to that?

"She wasn't any better, though." He let out a humorless chuckle, rolling the cigarette between his fingers. "I love her, but I can't fucking stand how she talks about everything I should be doing. Like I'm still some little kid who needs to be told how to live my life."

You took a drag, the bitter taste settling heavy on your tongue.

"That's why I'm not fond of visiting this place."

You hummed, watching the way his fingers twitched slightly as he took another drag, like this conversation was pulling things out of him he wasn't used to sharing.

"Your sister misses you, y'know." You finally spoke, exhaling a cloud of smoke. "She told me she kinda hates you for leaving her alone."

That made him pause. His lips parted slightly, brows furrowing, before he shook his head with a laugh, blowing out another cloud. "God, I forgot you two are close."

You smiled faintly. "We always talk on the phone. She said she found me through some Facebook post where your arms were around me. She probably assumed we were friends and added me. Then the first thing she messaged me was, 'Tell your ugly-ass boyfriend to text me, or I'm disowning him.'"

Heeseung let out a real laugh at that, shaking his head. "She actually called me an ugly dick once."

"She's not wrong." You snickered, inhaling the last of your cigarette before pulling it away. "Shit, that fast?" You huffed, flicking away the short remains.

"Come try mine."

Before you could react, Heeseung took one last drag, then leaned in, his hand sliding to the back of your neck, fingers warm against your skin.

You froze as his face came closer, his lips parting slightly, and then he exhaled.

The smoke passed between you, warm and heady, sinking into your lungs as your lips hovered inches from his.

His nose bumped yours, eyes dark and lidded.

Your mouth opened, your lips brushing against his, and then he kissed you. Tilting his head, as he deepen the kiss, his tongue sweeping against yours, tasting of smoke.

As you broke the kiss, your fingers ghosted over his, plucking the cigarette from his grasp. You kept your eyes locked on his, refusing to look away.

You took a slow drag, letting the smoke settle in your lungs before exhaling, the faint haze lingering between you.

"I love you, Heeseung."

The words left your mouth, and you don't miss the way his smile faltered.

"Not just love that wants to fuck." Your grip on the cigarette tightened. "I want to date you. Take me on a date. Buy me flowers. Be my boyfriend."

Heeseung just stared at you.

"Let's go back," he said with no hesitation, no acknowledgment, like you hadn't just laid your heart out in front of him.

He stood up, grabbing your hand as if nothing had happened, pulling you up without meeting your eyes.

"Heeseung, I love you." Your voice was firmer now, but he walked faster, avoiding it, avoiding you.

Your stomach twisted. Your fingers curled around his wrist, trying to stop him from running away.

"Heeseung, I said I love you." You said it louder this time, forcing him to hear it, forcing him to acknowledge the words that hung between you.

Heeseung let out a sharp exhale, pushing the house door open.

His parents looked up as you both entered, his mother smiling sweetly.

"Oh, I was just about to cook your favorite—" she started.

"I'm gonna go shower," he cut her off, already heading toward the stairs.

"Okay, come down after," his mother replied, still warm, still gentle, still unaware of the way her son was running from you.

You swallowed hard, forcing a smile at them before following him upstairs, your heart pounding against your ribs.

Heeseung entered his room without a word, shrugging off his jacket, then his shirt. You watched as he stripped without hesitation, his toned back flexing before he disappeared into the bathroom.

"Heeseung, say something." Your voice cracked.

He turned on the shower, stepping under the stream of water, not even looking at you as he finally spoke.

"I'm gonna take a bath. It's either you leave—" He finally turned, his dark eyes locking onto yours, "—or I'll be fucking you."

Your breath caught. There it was.

The only thing he could offer you.

Your fingers trembled at your sides. The ache in your chest was unbearable, clawing at your ribs, threatening to break you apart.

You should leave, you should. You should turn around, walk out, let this be the moment you finally let him go.

Your vision blurred. You felt the hot sting of tears slipping down your cheeks before you could stop them.

Fuck it.

Before you could think, before you could let the pain settle, you reached for the hem of your shirt, tearing it over your head. Then your shorts, your underwear—every piece of clothing stripped away, tossed carelessly onto the floor.

When you looked up, Heeseung was staring.

The steam from the shower curled around him, water sliding down his bare chest, dripping from his hair. His lips parted slightly, his eyes widening as he took in the sight of you.

You stepped forward, your skin meeting the warmth of the bathroom air, your bare feet silent against the tile. Heeseung didn't move, didn't pull away as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pressing your body against his.

His skin was hot, wet from the water, his breath shaky as your lips brushed against his.

Your arms wrapped around his neck, fingers slipping into his damp hair as you tugged him down, your lips brushing over his, soft at first, then deeper, and needier.

Your toes curled against the cool tile, your body tilting, stretching to reach him, but he was too fucking tall.

He let out a quiet chuckle at your struggle, hands sliding down to your waist, gripping tight as he adjusted, leaning lower to meet you, kissing you back.

Your fingers dug into his shoulders as his tongue tangled with yours, deep and slow, tasting of heat. Your body burned as his hands roamed freely.

His fingers slid up, trailing to your breasts, squeezing, kneading, his thumbs brushing over your hardened nipples. You let out a soft moan into his mouth, arching against him.

Your hand slipped between your bodies, wrapping around his hardened cock, stroking him slowly.

Heeseung groaned, his grip on your breast tightening for a moment before his head dropped against your shoulder, breath heavy, unsteady.

"Fuck," he muttered, his voice wrecked, his hips twitching slightly into your touch.

Your lips curled, satisfied, pressing kisses along his jawline, teasing nips along his skin. You could feel his pulse hammering beneath your lips, the way his breathing hitched as you kissed your way lower, lower.

Until you were kneeling in front of him. Face to face with his cock, thick and throbbing, precum already dripping from the flushed tip.

His hand curled into your hair, you look at him with your eyes before slowly putting his tip on your mouth. Then, slowly, you parted your lips, letting the flushed tip press against your tongue before taking him into your mouth.

Heeseung groaned, his grip tightening, his hips giving a slight, involuntary jerk forward as you hollowed your cheeks and took him deeper. The warm water from the shower dripped over both of you, rivulets sliding down his abs, over the flex of his thighs.

Your tongue dragged along his shaft, tracing every ridge, every vein, before pressing flat against the underside as you swallowed him further. His breath came out in a shudder, his jaw clenched as he watched you—watched the way your lips stretched around him, the way you let him slide deeper, let him use your mouth the way he wanted.

His hips began to move, slow at first, then rougher.

"Fuck—" He sucked in a sharp breath, his voice wrecked as you took all of him, his cock hitting the back of your throat. You choked, eyes watering, but you didn’t pull away.

One of your hands slipped between your own legs, fingers pressing against your aching cunt, rubbing slow circles over your clit as you lost yourself in the mix of pain and pleasure.

Heeseung’s gaze flickered down, and the sight of you touching yourself while sucking his cock had his restraint snapping.

"Shit, you’re too good for me." His voice was nothing but a rough whisper, barely audible over the sound of the water hitting tile.

His thrusts grew rougher, deeper, forcing you to take all of him, tears spilling at the corners of your eyes. He stopped suddenly, backing away. 

You gasped for air, lips swollen, throat raw. But before you could process the loss, he grabbed your wrist, yanking you to your feet.

Your back hit the cold, slippery wall as he spun you around, his chest pressing flush against you, trapping you there.

The heat between you was suffocating.

You moaned as his cock slid between your thighs, not inside you yet—just teasing, just rubbing against your slick folds, coating himself in your wetness. He moved slow, dragging himself along your entrance, letting you feel every inch before he pushed in. 

You gasped, your nails scraping against the wet tile as he filled you completely, stretching you, stealing the air from your lungs. His hands gripped your waist tightly, holding you still as he buried himself inside you to the hilt.

"Fuck—" Heeseung panted against your shoulder, his breath hot, ragged, his body shuddering at the feeling of you wrapped around him.

He started slow—savoring it, dragging it out, rolling his hips in deep, deliberate strokes that had you clenching around him, your legs trembling.

His pace quickened, his thrusts growing harder, needier, the sound of skin against skin mixing with your ragged moans. Your knees buckled, your body going weak, but his arm wrapped around you before you could collapse, pulling you closer.

Then, without warning, he hooked one arm under your thigh, lifting your leg, changing the angle.

You cried out his name, your head falling back against his shoulder as he slammed into you deeper, hitting that spot that made your vision blur.

"You sound so good moaning my name—fuck—but keep quiet for me, baby, hmm?" Heeseung whispered against your ear.

You tried to muffle your moans, biting your lip so hard you nearly drew blood.

But when his hand slid up, fingers tweaking your nipple, and his other hand dipped lower to rub slow, cruel circles over your clit, you couldn’t hold back.

"C-close," you choked out, pressing your forehead against the wall, your body tightening around him. "Can I? Please, please—"

His fingers moved faster, his thrusts turning relentless, dragging you to the edge.

"Shh," he hushed, his free hand moving from your breast to cover your mouth, muffling the desperate sounds spilling from your lips.

Your orgasm ripped through you, your body trembling violently as pleasure crashed over you in waves, your walls fluttering around him as you came hard, legs shaking.

But Heeseung didn’t stop.

He spun you around effortlessly, lifting you, your legs wrapping around his waist as he slammed you against the wall, thrusting up into you with reckless abandon.

You were whimpering, your body too sensitive, but the way his cock hit all the right spots had you falling apart all over again.

"Fuck, take it," Heeseung groaned, his grip on your hips bruising.

You couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t do anything but feel.

Your hands slid into his wet hair, fingers tangling in the damp strands as you pushed it back, forcing yourself to look at him.

His eyes were squeezed shut, his jaw clenched, his lips parted as he moaned your name.

You leaned in, pressing your forehead against his, forcing his gaze onto you.

So close. So yours.

Then, with a sharp gasp, his hips stuttered, his cock twitching deep inside you.

And as your walls tightened around him once more, dragging him over the edge, his mouth met yours in a desperate, messy kiss, swallowing each other’s moans as he spilled inside you.

His grip on you tightened, his thrusts faltering, his body shuddering as he rode out his high.

You stayed close for a moment, foreheads pressed together, breathing heavily, your chests rising and falling in sync.

Heeseung let out a soft exhale before slowly lowering your feet to the ground, his hands slipping from your body.

You blinked up at him, searching for something, anything, in his face. But he was already turning away, reaching for the soap, brushing his hands over his own body as if nothing had just happened.

A pang of disappointment settled deep in your chest.

Your thighs trembled, his release still dripping out of you, and without thinking, you leaned into him, wrapping your arms around his waist from behind, holding onto him so he wouldn’t slip away. 

But he froze.

And then—slowly, carefully, he peeled your arms off of him.

Your throat tightened. Heeseung didn’t say anything, didn’t look at you. Instead, he grabbed the soap again, rubbing it between his palms before sliding his hands over your body, cleaning you.

You wanted to say something. Wanted to break through whatever invisible wall had gone up between you.

But the only sound was the running water, washing everything away.

That night, you sat beside Haneul at dinner, forcing a smile, forcing yourself to act normal even though everything inside you was crumbling.

Heeseung didn’t look at you. Instead, he shoveled rice into his mouth, nodding along as his parents talked.

You forced yourself to eat, each bite turning to sawdust in your mouth. Forced yourself to laugh at his father’s jokes. Forced yourself to swallow the bitterness burning in your throat.

And when it was time to leave, Haneul hugged you tightly, her shoulders shaking as she clung to you.

"I’m gonna miss you so much," she sniffled, pressing her face into your shoulder.

You hugged her back, blinking rapidly, trying not to cry too.

You felt so loved in this house—by everyone except the one person you wanted it from the most.

The train ride back was worse.

Heeseung sat beside you, but he never looked at you.

It was like you were nothing more than a stranger sitting next to him.

You swallowed the ache in your chest and slowly lifted your hand, brushing your fingers over his.

His eyes flickered down, annoyance flashing across his face as he pulled his hand away as if your touch burned him.

You felt your stomach drop, you turned your head, staring out the window, your fingers curling into your lap as you fought the stupid tears stinging the back of your eyes.

But at least you confessed, right? At least you let your feelings slip through the cracks. As long as Heeseung kept coming back to you, it had to mean something.

Right?

The following days were harder.

Because you were the one who kept coming back.

You were the one who kept bothering him, knocking on his door late at night, spreading your legs for him just so he would let you stay.

You were the one whispering soft "I love yous" against his skin, hoping and praying he’d say it back.

But he never did. And every time you tried to reach for him, tried to hold him, tried to kiss him just because, not just when he was fucking you—he would sigh, irritated, pulling away with that same tired look in his eyes.

"Go bother someone else."

But you still stayed. Because you told yourself that this was enough. That loving him, even like this, was enough. That if you gave him more time, if you loved him hard enough, he would eventually love you back.

But then again, why did it feel so awful?

So fucking awful knowing that he was only good to you when he wanted something?

So fucking awful when you reached for him, only to be pushed away?

So fucking awful when he sighed every time you whispered "I love you," like you had ruined the moment?

You kept crying at night.

At first, it was quiet—silent tears soaking into your pillow, muffled sobs that you convinced yourself were just temporary. But the more the days stretched on, the worse it got. The exhaustion, the emptiness, the way everything felt so fucking heavy.

You were barely sleeping, barely eating.

By the time you dragged yourself to class, you were nothing more than a walking corpse—a ghost of yourself, barely functioning, barely holding it together.

Julie and Natty tried to pull you out of it. They dragged you to cafés, talked about mindless things, gossiped about the latest drama, hoping it would distract you.

But nothing worked. Your mind was always somewhere else. On him.

And when that didn’t help, when you couldn’t sit still in a crowded café pretending you weren’t falling apart, you found yourself outside. Leaning against a streetlamp, standing in the corner of an alley, a cigarette dangling from your lips as you smoked, staring blankly at the city around you.

You had never been much of a smoker before, but now, it was routine. Now, it was something to do when you didn’t know what else to do.

Because Heeseung wasn’t in his dorm. Because Heeseung wasn’t texting you back.

You stared at your phone, debating whether or not to message him again—just one more time, just to see where he was, just to make sure he wasn’t with someone else.

But you already knew the answer. Sunghoon told you he had been partying. Of course, he was.

Drinking, dancing, probably fucking someone else, living his best fucking life while you were here, wasting away in your own misery.

You were miserable, weren’t you? Pathetic.

In love with a guy who never gave a shit about you, who only saw you as another body count—another name in his phone.

Fuck him.

"You need to get over this, babe," Julie said, dragging you into the mall, her fingers gripping your wrist like you might try to run.

"Stop acting like your whole life revolves around some asshole." Natty huffed, shoving a pile of clothes into your arms. "Try something new. Get a haircut. Get a piercing. Do something instead of moping around like this."

So you did.

You let them drag you from store to store, let them pick out outfits you barely looked at. You even sat through a piercing appointment, letting them stab metal into your skin—a new helix, a capital piercing, even one in your septum.

But none of it helped. Not really.

You still looked like someone who had stopped caring.

Your hair had grown wavier, messier, tangled from nights spent tossing and turning in a bed that still smelled like him. Your makeup was smudged from crying too much, sleeping too little.

And now—here you were. Sitting in a restroom stall, your fingers fumbling with another cigarette, the cold metal of your piercings pressing against your skin as you exhaled shakily, trying not to break down again.

But the tears came anyway. You curled over yourself, palm covering your face, inhaling deep, shaky breaths as the nicotine burned down your throat. Why him? Why did you let yourself get so lost in someone who only reached for you when it was convenient?

Why did you still miss him even now?

You squeezed your eyes shut, willing yourself to push the thoughts away—

"Okay, okay, I'll send you the links we need to order. Stop being stupid and listen to me! It’s a birthday party, okay? Not a damn Halloween—God."

Your head snapped up. A voice that is sharp and masculine. Wait—

Did you just walk into the men’s restroom?

"Agh, what the fuck, it reeks of cigarettes in here."

Your stomach dropped. You swallowed hard, forcing yourself to put out the cigarette as quickly as possible, waving away the lingering smoke. The last thing you needed was some random guy judging you for being an emotional wreck in the bathroom.

You waited, listening as you tap your foot at the ground silently.

When silence stretched, you assumed he was gone.

But the second you stepped out of the stall— You froze.

And so did he.

Standing at the sink, washing his hands, was a guy you had never seen before. His dark hair was down, strands still damp from the rain outside. His skin was pale, almost glowing under the fluorescent lights. His nose was sharp, lips plump and pink, his hooded eyes watching you with a mixture of confusion and amusement.

For a second, neither of you spoke.

Then, his gaze flickered to the restroom sign by the door. Then back to you.

He grabbed a napkin, drying his hands before picking up his phone, ending the call mid-conversation. "Are you a trans man?"

Your face burned. "No!" You blurted out quickly, biting your lip in embarrassment. "I—I’m sorry, I thought this was the female restroom, and—uh—sorry about the smell."

The guy in front of you let out a small, amused hum, his lips twitching, but he didn’t press further. Instead, he dug through his bag, fingers searching for something until he finally pulled out a small candy, offering it to you with an outstretched palm.

"Here. Eat this."

You blinked, staring at him.

"Not judging or anything," he continued, shrugging, "but cigarettes smell disgusting in your mouth. What if there’s an emergency and you need to kiss someone?"

A small, breathless laugh escaped your lips before you could stop it.

"There’s no someone," you muttered, taking the candy from his hand. The moment it touched your tongue, the sharp sweetness cut through the bitter taste of nicotine.

The guy tilted his head, watching you with a slight smirk before rummaging through his bag again. A second later, he held out a small travel-sized bottle.

"You need perfume?"

You frowned. "Do I smell that bad?"

"Hey, I’m just offering," he said, grinning.

You sighed but took it anyway, spraying a little on your wrist before rubbing it against your neck. The light, citrusy scent replaced the stale stench of smoke.

Both of you walked out of the restroom together, passing by an older man who had been about to step inside. The second he saw you, his eyes widened in horror, and he muttered something under his breath while making the sign of the cross.

"God forgive these teens," the old man whispered, shaking his head as he entered the restroom.

The guy beside you rolled his eyes. "Drama queen."

You laughed, and he turned his head slightly, studying your face.

"See you later," he muttered before walking away, but then he hesitated for just a second, throwing a look over his shoulder. "Oh, and don’t smoke."

Soon enough, you were right back where you always were.

In his dorm. In his bed. In his arms, like nothing had changed.

The second you saw Heeseung, you collapsed onto his bed, clinging to him, hugging him tight like you hadn’t been falling apart for the past few days.

"Where have you been?" you asked, burying your face into his chest.

You felt his body shift slightly as he looked down at you, eyes scanning your face.

"What happened to you?" 

His gaze flickered to the piercings on your ears, your new septum, the slight dark circles beneath your eyes that no amount of concealer could fully hide.

Suddenly, you felt exposed. "O-oh," you stammered, reaching up to tug at your hair. "I got piercings… out of boredom. Do they look good?"

Then, Heeseung’s eyes dropped back to his phone, completely ignoring your question.

The air shifted. Your throat tightened, but you forced yourself to swallow it down. So, instead, you talked. Told him about the past few days, about nothing and everything, about all the things you wished he had cared enough to ask.

And just like always—it ended the same way.

Him, thrusting into you like he needed you to break.

Your nails, clawing at his back like you needed to hold on.

Your legs, wrapped around his waist like you were scared he would disappear if you let go.

Your body, begging for something your heart already knew you would never have.

"I love you," you whispered into his ear, voice trembling, breath shaky.

Heeseung’s movements slowed for half a second. You held onto that second like it meant something.

"You know it’s not just casual for me," you whispered again, pressing your lips to his shoulder, desperate for him to understand. "I feel it. I know you do too."

And then he slipped his hand away from your body. The loss of warmth was instant.

"Fuck, here we go again," Heeseung muttered under his breath, exhaling sharply.

You swallowed, suddenly cold, suddenly empty. "Did you really not feel anything?" you asked, voice barely above a whisper. "How do you keep coming back if it’s nothing?"

He ran a hand over his face, groaning in frustration.

"God, because your pussy is good!" His voice snapped, cruel, piercing straight through you. "You’re being so fucking clingy, it’s pathetic! I don’t want a fucking romantic relationship with you! I just want to fuck! How long are you gonna make me repeat that?!"

"What about the times we cuddle?" Your voice cracked. "The way you take care of me after? You even invited me to meet your family! Was that all just—casual? Just fucking?! How long are you going to deny this?!"

Heeseung’s eyes flashed. "Deny?!" He let out a sharp, humorless laugh. "Do you think any of that was special? I was just treating you with basic fucking human decency! Stop being so fucking delusional!"

The words hit harder than a slap. This was dumb love. This was pathetic love.

This was you, being fucking stupid.

Because even after all this, even after every horrible thing he had just said you still loved him.

And he still treated you the same.

"Fuck, I miss those days that you were feisty and wild, not this annoying bitch who cry about everything."

Your vision blurred. You barely felt yourself move as you ripped yourself from his bed, scrambling to collect your clothes, your hands shaking so violently you could barely pull your shirt over your head.

You just needed to leave. Needed to breathe.

By the time you reached the door, your entire body was numb.

The only sound was the sharp echo of your footsteps against the floor as you stormed out of his dorm, not daring to look back.

Sunghoon was in the kitchen when you passed, leaning against the counter, a drink in his hand. His head lifted slightly at the sight of you—disheveled, eyes red, breathing uneven.

You ran. Ran until your lungs burned, until the cold air stung your skin, until the only thing you could hear was the echo of your own footsteps against the empty streets.

And then you screamed loudly, kicking a nearby trash can with all your strength, watching as it toppled over, spilling its contents onto the pavement.

You wanted to rip yourself apart. Wanted to tear out the part of you that still loved him.

By the time you stumbled into a small convenience store, your body was trembling—anger, exhaustion, heartbreak—it all blurred into one.

You didn’t even look at the shelves. Your hands reached straight for the pack of cigarettes, slamming it onto the counter.

"Not getting anything else, ma’am?"

The voice made you freeze. Your gaze lifted, meeting a pair of soft, knowing eyes behind the register.

Oh.

The same guy from before. The one who had given you candy in the restroom.

Your eyes flickered to his name tag.

Sunoo.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice gentle.

You swallowed, your throat dry. "You told me not to smoke, but here I am buying." You forced a smile, but it felt fake, and hollow.

Sunoo didn’t look judgmental. He just tilted his head slightly, watching you.

"It’s okay." He shrugged. "It’s not healthy, but if that’s what you need to cope, then let yourself be. I just said that before because, well… I don’t think smoking is good for you."

You let out a small breath, setting the pack aside. "Well, what do you suggest?"

Sunoo hummed, tapping his chin in thought. "Maybe cutting your hair? Adding another piercing? Listening to music, crocheting, doing your makeup, reading books, watching movies—there’s a lot you could do instead."

You blinked. "You really think cutting my hair is gonna fix this mess?" You gestured vaguely at yourself.

"No," he said, grinning. "But it’s a start."

You laughed. It was small, and short. You reached for a pack of bubble gum instead, placing it on the counter. "I’ll take note of that. Just punch this in instead."

Sunoo smiled, ringing up your item. "I’m Sunoo, by the way. If you ever need someone to talk to, I can give you my number."

You hesitated. And then you pulled out your phone. Because God knows you needed it.

Turns out, Sunoo was one year younger than you—a sophomore at your university, but an irregular student, which explained why you had never crossed paths before.

And somehow, in the span of a few weeks, he became the one person you could be completely honest with. You told him everything. Everything about Heeseung.

How you loved him stupidly, blindly, recklessly. How he used you, broke you, ignored you but you still kept coming back.

Sunoo never judged. Never told you you were dumb for loving the wrong person. He just listened. And when you cried, he let you.

Sometimes, he would visit your dorm just to sit with you, listening as you let it all out.

You tried not to feel guilty about dumping all your burdens on him, but every time you apologized, he just waved you off.

"It’s fine," he said, "I’d rather listen than see you destroy yourself over someone who doesn’t deserve you."

And maybe that’s what finally pushed you forward. What finally gave you the courage to do what you should’ve done a long time ago.

You blocked Heeseung’s number.

At first, it made your chest feel tight, like you had just slammed a door shut on something that had been part of you for too long.

But as the days passed, the feeling of relief started to outweigh the ache.

You even made a bigger decision.

You moved. Packed up your things and transferred to a new dorm—closer to Sunoo, further from Heeseung.

When you told Natty, she cried, whining dramatically about how you were replacing her.

But deep down, she understood. She understood that if you stayed, if you kept yourself in the same routine, the same dorm, the same hallways that led you back to him, you’d never really escape.

So she helped you pack, helped you move, hugged you so tightly before you left, whispering, "You deserve better."

You changed. Not overnight. Not all at once.

But slowly, little by little, you found yourself again.

The clothes you used to think weren’t your style? You started to love them.

Sunoo helped you with your hair, trimming it, dyeing it a new color every week just because you could.

"New hair, new era," he declared, dragging you into the bathroom with a towel around your shoulders. "We’re bleaching this shit."

You let him. Because why the fuck not? It was just hair. It would grow back, just like you would.

You started going out more. Not to drown yourself in cigarettes or alcohol, not to forget, but to exist again.

You filled your days with movies, books, stupid little hobbies that made you feel something.

And little by little—you learned how to breathe again.

"Are you ready?"

"No."

"Too late, babe."

Sunoo laughed, gripping your hand as you sat in the piercing studio, white-knuckled and nervous as hell.

"I swear to God, if I pass out, you better not record me."

"Mmm… no promises." He smirked, already holding up his phone, camera locked on you.

You groaned, gripping his hand like you were giving birth as the piercer prepped the needle.

Your heart pounded. You had watched so many videos of girls fainting from navel piercings. It was supposed to hurt like hell, right?

"Okay, deep breath in," the piercer said.

You inhaled. And then you felt the pain, the sharp stabbing pain.

"FUCK, IT HURTS!" You screamed, throwing your head against Sunoo’s chest.

He cackled, arms wrapping around you dramatically, rocking you back and forth. "You’re doing amazing, sweetie."

His other hand? Filming. The needle went through. Your stomach tightened.

The world spun around you and just like that, you fainted. 

When you woke up, the first thing you heard was Sunoo’s wheezing laughter.

"Dude." He was crying, clutching his stomach, shoving his phone in your face. "I got the whole thing. You looked like you died for a second."

You groaned, pushing him away, only to catch sight of your new silver barbell piercing your navel.

…Holy shit.

You sat up, poking at it carefully. "Fuck, that was traumatic," you muttered.

"But look at you now," Sunoo grinned, helping you stand. "A hot, bad bitch. I mean, you already were, but now you’ve got a belly ring to prove it."

You rolled your eyes. "This better not get infected, or I’m haunting your ass."

Sunoo winked, linking his arm through yours. "Worth it, babe."

People stared. Everywhere you and Sunoo went, heads turned.

And who could blame them?

Sunoo? A walking crayon, decked out in loud colors, funky sunglasses, and accessories layered on top of accessories. 

And then there was you. A full-on emo resurrection—black on black on black, nails painted, piercings gleaming, boots stomping against the pavement.

The two of you together? You looked like complete opposites, but somehow, it worked. Sunoo owned the rainbow, and you owned the night.

"People are staring." You whispered as another group of girls side-eyed you both, whispering amongst themselves.

"Good." Sunoo grinned. "Let them stare. They wish they were us."

Healing cost a lot. Like, a lot. You hadn’t realized how expensive self-care actually was.

But fuck, it felt good. Manicures. Hair dye. Jewelry. Perfume. Clothes you never thought you’d wear.

You spent shamelessly, like you were trying to buy yourself back, piece by piece.

And maybe you were.

Because with every little change, every small act of putting yourself first, you started feeling lighter.

The wind tugged at your short bangs as you sat on the bench, silver headphones snug over your ears, blocking out the world.

Your fingers moved over your notebook, writing something important or maybe not important at all, but either way, it kept your hands busy. Kept your mind quiet.

"Holy shit."

The words were barely a whisper, but the sound of your name following after made your stomach drop. Your brow furrowed, fingers tensing against the page. With a sigh, you slid your headphones to the side, glancing up.

And that’s when you saw them.

Sunghoon. Jake. Some other guy you didn’t care about.

And behind them, standing slightly apart—

Heeseung.

Your throat went dry.

"Is that you?! Holy fuck." Sunghoon gasped, eyes wide, his gaze flickering over your appearance like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

You swallowed, feeling uncomfortably exposed under their stares.

"Long time no see," Jake chimed in, taking a seat beside you without invitation. "You’re not attending parties anymore."

"You look quite different," he added, voice slow, dragging his gaze over you—your ears, your nose, your shirt—lingering a little too long on the details.

"She became an emo, bro!" One of them laughed, the word emo rolling off their tongue like an insult.

"Yeah, but she looks totally hot." Jake grinned, elbowing Sunghoon with a chuckle.

You clenched your jaw. The way they were talking about you like you weren’t even here.

The way his eyes hadn’t left you since the moment you looked up.

You hadn’t looked at him once. But you felt him.

"You moved dorms."

You finally looked at him. And regretted it immediately. Heeseung stood there, hands shoved in his pockets, staring straight at you.

His gaze was intense, his jaw was tight, his eyes dark, scanning you in a way that made something deep in your chest twist. Fuck this.

You pulled your headphones back on, drowning him out as you started shoving your things into your bag.

"Man, she’s back to being feisty. Heeseung’s gonna like her again."

The words were casual, amused, careless, but they made your blood fucking boil. Like you were some challenge. Some toy for Heeseung to get bored of, then chase again once you pulled away.

Fuck them for thinking you’d ever let yourself go through that again. Your movements were quick as you snapped your notebook shut, yanking your bag over your shoulder.

You stood up. Didn’t look at them. Didn’t say anything. You just turned on your heel, ready to leave.

But before you could take a step, a hand wrapped around your wrist.

"Why the fuck did you move dorm? Why the fuck did you block me?"

His voice was tinged with anger and frustration.

You ripped your arm away, glaring at him like his touch had burned you. Heeseung felt his chest tighten at the way you looked at him.

"Our last conversation answered that." You huffed, slinging your bag over your shoulder, walking away without looking back.

But of course, he followed. Ignoring the way his friends laughed behind him.

"Playing hard to get." One of them snickered. You didn’t even hesitate—you turned, raised your middle finger, and kept walking.

Heeseung’s jaw tightened.

"Fuck, that alone made you switch dorms?" His voice was sharper now, almost accusing. "Where are you staying? Why didn’t you tell me?"

You snapped. "I don’t want any fucking contact with you anymore, Heeseung. Go to hell."

His steps faltered, eyes flickering across your face.

You had never talked to him like this before. Not when he ignored you. Not when he ghosted you. Not even when he broke you.

His fingers twitched. He moved faster, easily catching up, stepping in front of you, blocking your way.

"You told me you loved me, and now you’re acting like this?" 

You scoffed. "And you have the fucking audacity to throw that in my face—when all you ever did was make me feel like shit?"

"Yeah, Heeseung. I loved you." You spat the words like they disgusted you. "I loved you—so fucking much. Even when you treated me like I was nothing. Even when you acted like I didn’t exist until you were hard and lonely."

His lips parted. But you weren’t done.

"But I’m done. I’m fucking tired of this casual bullshit. I’m tired of pretending like this didn’t fucking break me. I don’t want you, I don’t need you, so do us both a favor—leave me the fuck alone and go find some other pussy to bury your dick in."

The words hit Heeseung, knocking the breath from his lungs before he could even process them. But the sting of your voice was nothing compared to what you did next.

You spat at his face.

Not metaphorically. Literally.

The warm, wet impact landed just below his cheekbone, sliding down his jaw, and Heeseung stood there, frozen in place, feeling the slow, humiliating trickle of it. It should’ve pissed him off. He should’ve been angry, should’ve sneered at you, should’ve thrown some cruel words back in your face just to get the last hit in.

But he couldn’t.

Because you didn’t stay long enough to see him break. Didn’t look back to see the way his entire world fucking shifted.

Didn’t hesitate, didn’t falter, didn’t do any of the things he was used to. No regret, no second guessing, no lingering in the space between leaving and staying—just walking away.

That’s when he saw another man.

Heeseung watched, breath stuck in his throat, as the man approached you, slipping his arm around your waist with ease, like it was natural, like he had been doing it all along. Then, before Heeseung could even begin to comprehend what was happening, the man pulled you in and pressed his lips to yours. Right in front of him.

Heeseung’s stomach twisted into a tight, ugly knot. His vision blurred at the edges, not from tears, fuck that, but from something far worst. His hands clenched at his sides, nails pressing deep into his palms as he tried, really fucking tried, to convince himself that he didn’t care.

And what made it worse—what made his entire body fucking ache—was the way you let that man touch you, let him kiss you, let him hold you. 

Like you weren’t thinking about Heeseung at all.

You looked happy.

Not forced. Not pretending. Not putting on some fake smile to get through the moment. Genuinely happy. Like you had been set free. Like the months you spent wrapped up in his sheets, tangled in his arms, breaking apart at his hands had been nothing more than a phase—a mistake you had already wiped clean from your memory.

Sunoo turned slightly, just enough for his gaze to land on Heeseung.

The look in his eyes wasn’t smug. It wasn’t teasing. It wasn’t the expression of a man who had stolen something from someone else. 

Heeseung hated him for it.

His jaw clenched so tightly it hurt, but he forced his body to stay still, forced himself not to move, not to react, not to pull you away like he so desperately wanted to. He had no fucking right to do that. You had made your choice, and for the first time in his entire life, Heeseung was the one being left behind.

This wasn’t some game anymore.

This wasn’t like all the times before, when you would tell him you were done, but then come crawling back the second he called. This wasn’t like the fights in his dorm, when you would cry and yell and break your own fucking heart, only to kiss him breathless later that night.

This was real. You had actually left.

And the worst part was, you weren’t hurting.

You weren’t looking over your shoulder, weren’t hesitating at the door, weren’t giving him a single chance to fix this. You were just gone.

And Heeseung had never felt so fucking lost. He told himself it didn’t matter.

You were just another girl.

He could go out tomorrow, find someone new, wipe you from his body the same way he had done with every other girl before you. This was nothing. You were nothing.

Then why—

Why the fuck did his chest feel so tight?

Why did he feel like he had just been ripped open from the inside out?

He lifted a hand to wipe his face, expecting to feel the lingering wetness from where you had spit on him, but instead—he felt something else.

A single tear, slipping down his cheek.

He let out a quiet, bitter laugh, shaking his head at the memory—at all the things he told you, the rules he set, the lines he swore he’d never cross.

Was it ever really casual?

perm taglist: @won4me @ikaw-at-ikaw, @kristynaaah, @fancypeacepersona @tunafishyfishylike @vvenusoncasual

[kalizzz]

Finders Keepers

Synopsis: Illumi's been tasked to take out a rival family, leaving no survivors, and that's exactly what he does... with the exception of you.

Warnings: Dubcon/noncon, Unprotected p in v, Overstim, Dacryphilia, Light choking, Creampie (this is Illumi what'd you expect-), analifyousquint, fingering, mentions of bl00d

MINORS/AGELESS ACC DNI

Thunder rumbled in the distance, a telltale sign of the impending storm on the horizon. The wind was chilled and heavy with the smell of earth and smoke as Illumi watched. Below him was a compound, an estate of sorts, under the protection of a dozen armed guards. Past its walls he could see maids and servants busy with daily tasks, too caught up in the hustle and bustle of life to sense neither him nor the storm coming.

Though he couldn't see them, he knew that deeper inside the compound were his targets. It wasn't often his family attacked other families, getting by with sheer intimidation and wealth. Still, when rival families got out of line... they had to be dealt with accordingly. Thunder rumbled once more, this time closer, and Illumi stood from his perch on a high oak branch. This wouldn't take nearly as long as he thought it would.

Dealing with the first wave of guards was less than anticlimactic, each falling quicker than the last. The second wave was able to get a few shots off before they too succumbed to his needles. Illumi placed a hand on the main gate and pushed sending the heavy steel doors flying off their hinges. The screams and squelches of people being crushed met his ears as he made quick work of the servants outside, as well.

The stench of blood, death, and rain was thick in the air as he entered the estate's front doors. Illumi made his way through its walls, killing everyone he found as he traversed floor after floor. Finally, he reached the master bedroom, kicking past its weakly barricaded door, and stared into the terror-filled eyes of the last four living people in the house. "Consider me your reckoning.", he mused as he stepped into the room and began picking them off until no one was left.

He looked around at the carnage around him and sighed. The rain would be coming soon, and he wanted to be home by then. He turned to leave the room but stilled as sound met his ears. Illumi turned and scanned the room's interior, sure that no one he'd confronted had survived the massacre. Illumi spotted the cracked-open wardrobe almost immediately and rolled his eyes. He'd missed one.

He took several steps toward the wardrobe before it burst open, your teary-eyed figure pushing past him toward the open door. Illumi reached and grasped a handful of your hair before taking in your features. You were small, not much younger than him. Though you bore a striking resemblance to the older man and woman he'd just killed, his intel hadn't alluded to either of them having children.

Upon further inspection, he found you healthy-looking; a tad on the heavier side with plush thighs, your soft breasts heaving with every sob that shook your frame. You were quite attractive aside from how bloodshot your eyes were becoming as you begged him to spare you. It didn't sound like a bad idea the more Illumi looked you over. So, he slung you over his shoulder, advising you to keep your eyes shut as he stepped onto the bedroom's balcony.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You trembled as you crossed the threshold of the Zoldyck estate in Illumi's arms, eyes screwed shut in fear as he took you deeper into the mansion. You didn't bother trying to remember how many turns you were taking; it was becoming increasingly clear that you wouldn't be leaving alive. You only allowed your eyes to flutter open as the two of you entered a room, the door locking behind you.

Illumi sat you on the edge of a large bed, uncharacteristically gentle considering how brutally he'd ended the lives of those you loved minutes prior. "You've two choices: accept me voluntarily or involuntarily.", he offered as he let his blood-soaked top drop to the floor near the edge of the bed, "You'll find I'm much more agreeable should you choose the former.".

His belt and trousers dropped to the floor leaving him only in his underwear. Your face grew hot at the sight, your hands trembling at the weight of his words. Fighting would wax futile; you knew that well enough. Cold fingertips met your cheek and tilted your face toward his. A few more tears slipped from your eyes as you weakly clasped his wrist. "Please... don't d-do this.", you pleaded once more before Illumi leaned down to kiss your cheek.

"Don't worry, I'll be gentle.", he hummed into your skin as leaned in more, caging you underneath him. His lips felt icy as they trailed across the expanse of your skin, stopping at your lips. You whimpered and Illumi swallowed the sound. You reciprocated his movements sloppily, unfamiliar with the motions. The kiss broke, a trail of saliva connecting your lips which he broke with a swipe of his thumb. "How cute.", he breathed into your skin as he began marking a fiery trail down your throat.

As he traveled lower, you clenched your teeth in hopes of silencing the tiny moans building in your throat. Illumi took a break from his attack on your breasts to look over your dress. "There's no use in trying to keep quiet, you'll only tire yourself out.", he mused as he tugged harshly on the fabric causing it to rip. Your bottom lip trembled at the sight of what was left of your favorite sundress fall to the floor, and Illumi noticed. "My apologies, little dove. I'll have you a boutiques worth of dresses here in the morning if you're good for me.", he explained as he rid you of your undergarments leaving you bare.

Your eyes flickered up to his face as he placed butterfly kisses down the expanse of your stomach, eyes dark with lust as they met yours. So, this was your life now. "P-promise?", you asked as your heart began to settle. Illumi rose and placed both hands on your thighs, pulling you until your bare core was flushed with his clothed member. He hummed as he leaned down, bracing himself on one forearm and slipping the other between the two of you to slide between your moistening folds. "I promise.", he assured you as two of his fingers scissored open your entrance, his thumb working over your bud with expert skill.

A broken whimper left you as you let yourself succumb to the pleasure, as you let yourself succumb to fate. Your body trembled as his ministrations quickened, a knot forming in the pit of your abdomen. Everything was so wrong, yet it felt so, so good.

Just as the knot within you came close to snapping, Illumi pulled his fingers from you. You whined in frustration as you watched him clean your slick from his fingers with his tongue before beginning to remove his underwear. You watched in awe and terror as his cock sprang free, tip flushed pink and dripping with his own arousal. He was just as pale there as the rest of his body, a bit longer than he was girthy. "That's n-not gonna fit...", you whispered into the air between you. For the first time since he'd taken you, he cracked a smile. "We'll make it fit, little dove.", he replied while easing you onto your stomach.

Illumi's lips met your shoulder, cold and soft, and traveled down your back causing you to shiver. He shifted a bit, resting his chin in the nook between your shoulder and neck. "This might sting a bit, for that I offer my apologies.", he warned as you felt his tip catch on your entrance. Your breath hitched as he rolled his hip forward, allowing the first few inches to slip inside you.

He was lying when he said it'd sting a bit. It hurt like hell. You yelped and pushed your face into one of the plush pillows beneath you to muffle the sound. Illumi cooed and whispered praises into your skin, voice laden with sympathy as he continued to fill you. He rolled his hips once more filling you up fully, his tip threatening to push past your cervix.

"Such a good girl taking all of me.", he purred as you lifted your teary eyes from the pillows, "Now, let me take the pain away.". With one hand, Illumi laced his fingers with yours while the other reached between you to resume abusing your clit. His pelvis retreated from the swell of your ass, all of him leaving your walls apart from his leaky head, before thrusting forward again slow and deep. The moan that left you would've made even the finest of whores blush.

His hips rolled on, the room filling with the obscene sound of your slick coating his cock and your little whimpers as the pain was swiftly washed away with mind-numbing pleasure. Illumi continued to praise you between quieter moans of his own only stopping to tug at the shell of your ear with his teeth.

The intimacy, the steady pace of his body colliding with yours; All of it was becoming too much for you to handle. Illumi shifted, his tip kissing your cervix too suddenly for your liking drawing a gasp of discomfort from your trembling lips. He hummed and abandoned your clit to steady himself before rising with you in tow. You yelped and scrambled to your elbows when you felt the pad of his thumb swipe over your ass, thrusts gaining in speed. "N-not there-", you tried to reason with him before your jaw slackened upon the foreign intrusion.

Your thighs shook, threatening to give out, as Illumi hooked his thumb into your spasming hole up to the first knuckle. Heat crept across your body at the feeling of the knot in the pit of your stomach snapping. "Coming already? Who knew my pretty girl was so perverted. ~", Illumi groaned. His words fell upon deaf ears, your mind blank and full simultaneously. You buried your face into the sheets beneath in a weak attempt to save face, orgasm taking you forcefully.

The walls of your cunt fluttered, painting his lower half with your arousal. Illumi hissed, thrusts growing sloppy, at the sight and grasped at the fat of your ass. "Look at that pretty little cunt of yours. Almost like she wants me to fill her up.", he practically mewled, "Isn't that right, little dove?". All you could do was cry out in response, thoughts occupied with the delicious drag and sting of his cock inside you. Illumi huffed at your lack of response, hand abandoning your ass cheek for the column of your neck and squeezed.

"I asked if you wanted me to paint your walls white, dove, now answer like the obedient little wife you're going to be.", he hissed into your ear. You nodded vehemently, head light from the lack of hair. "Yes, please cum in me! Please please please-", you babbled as another orgasm ignited your overstimulated core. A string of wild curses and strangled moans fell from Illumi's lips as his hips snapped forward once more, locking as hot ropes of cum filled your sputtering hole.

A few moments passed as both of you came down, your smaller body trembling, before Illumi relaxed and pulled both of you down to the mattress. You shifted and shuttered at the feeling of still being full while listening to his breathing. "I'll have a ring and paperwork ready for you by noon, so I suggest you get some rest.", he hummed whilst pulling the sheets over your bodies,

"Besides, I need you fully rested and ready to take me in the morning."

[kalizzz]

watch me, watch me party on you 𖤐 [p.sh] pt.1

You and Sunghoon, the faces of two rival fashion brands, can’t stay apart after one night shared in the midst of New York Fashion Week.

☆ part one of party 4 u | part two [soon]

☆ pairing → sunghoon x afab reader

☆ word count → 6.8k

☆ tags → fashion industry setting, model au, nyfw, rivalry, lots of yearning and lust!, models falling in love during nyfw, confessions

☆ smut tags → porn with plot, barebacking (unprotected sex), blowjobs and foreplay, lots of spit/biting, squirting, use of petnames aka baby/darling, they're nasty and in love, minor dirty talk/degradation

☆ warnings → implied minor and subtle side relationship between sunoo and riki, who are the fashion designers in this au, please do not read if that upsets you in any way. you are not forced to read this in any way! hate comments and anything of the sort will be deleted and you will be blocked. not proofread

☆ a/n → hihi! this is a rewrite/revamp of another fic i have written previously on ao3, so if this seems familiar yes it is me! this is also my first time writing on tumblr since 2017-2018 when i wrote for bts, still learning my way around so pls be nice to me :3

minors pls dni.

♪ hope you walk in the party, cause i threw this party just for you.

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

"Are you nervous?"

You raise your gaze from the tape on the floor with your name on it, to meet Sunoo's calculating eyes. You swallow, and shake your head. "No."

You've trained your whole life for this opportunity. This is the moment they've been working towards for years. Now that it's in their hands, you're not going to ruin it. You're confident in your abilities, definitely, but what you're most confident in is making Sunoo and Riki proud.

"Good," Sunoo says, curt. He nods his head, looking over your suit—a careful and beautiful handcrafted piece, a piece in their latest and most criticized collection that is meant to exceed the norms of gender and all that alike—before calling Riki over. "You're our star. So go out there and make us proud."

Riki rushes over in seconds to peer over Sunoo's shoulder. "Everything good?"

Sunoo nods, brushing your suit off before disappearing to look after the other models.

Riki gives you a once-over just as Sunoo did, before running off and returning with a palette and a small makeup brush. You let him apply a sticky substance over your matte lips, and part them carefully when you're told not to smack. Riki uses his thumb to dab the corner of your lips and smiles. "You're perfect."

"Of course," you huff. "It's your guys' production. I wouldn't expect anything less."

Riki laughs and shakes his head. "That's what we like to hear. Don't tell Sunoo that, though. We don't want his ego skyrocketing any higher than it already has."

A staff member rushes up to them and gives the two of you a thumbs up. "Up in two."

Riki lets out a nervous breath. "You got this. Remember, loose—"

"—but not too loose." You finish. Riki reaches out to squeeze your hand once.

"Don't forget the pockets. And unclench." Riki frets over you some more before running off to find Sunoo.

The nerves don't hit you until there's less than a minute left. You're nervous, as anyone would be, but you're more excited. You want to be out there, showing that this is their brand. This is their debut. This is it.

It's Fashion week, it's New York, and you're going to make XO proud.

You stand tall and straighten your posture when you hear the music play, remembering what Riki said about unclenching and you relax your jaw.

"Go."

You do what you know best: you walk.

It's exhilarating; you live for it.

All eyes are on you—assessing and scanning over your outfit—like they're looking right through you. You can hear the questions already: What is XO? What do they stand for? What do you represent? You answer in the only way you know how.

You prove it by walking.

Like Sunoo said, you're their star. You're the face of XO and the person they specifically chose and nurtured and worked alongside for years, from the bottom of their brand up. You represent XO, and more importantly, you represent Sunoo and RIki.

There were no other candidates or options. From the very beginnings of XO, made in Sunoo and Riki's small studio, you've been there with them. They’ve come so far, to be holding a show amongst famous and respectable brands, and you are more than appreciative to be here with them. There’s nowhere you’d rather be than with the two people you cherish the most, doing what you love the most.

Towards the end of your walk, you spot him.

Sunghoon Park, face of PARADOXXX, sitting in the very front row.

You're not surprised that Sunghoon is here, no, you're more surprised that Sunghoon is looking right at you. Sunghoon isn't trying to look through you, nor is he holding his phone out to record like others are doing. Instead, Sunghoon's gaze is focused solely on you, and you feel as if Sunghoon is capturing the moment with his eyes instead.

Your heart almost stops when you meet Sunghoon's eyes. You look forward, trying not to let your gaze stray, but you can't help the way you keep taking subtle glances back towards Sunghoon. Your eyes are attracted to him, and you can't bring yourself to look away for too long. When your eyes meet for the third time, Sunghoon raises a brow, tilting his head slightly. You can feel your ears get hot, and you curse yourself for being distracted by him, but you can't help it.

Although there are over a hundred eyes on you, you can't feel as though Sunghoon is the only one really looking.

The last time your eyes meet as you near the end of your walk, Sunghoon winks. You make it your mission not to collapse until you get backstage.

"You're perfect! Perfect." Riki pulls you into a hug as soon as you make the turn backstage and then takes your hand to lead you further back and into a makeup chair. Sunoo comes shortly after, resting his hands on your shoulders and squeezing them lightly.

"Amazing, as always." Sunoo says, proud, before turning to Riki. "Retouch his lips."

Riki nods and Sunoo leaves with a kiss on Riki's cheek.

Later, as you watch through the TV to monitor the rest of the show, you notice that Sunghoon doesn't look at the other models the same way he looked at you. Sunghoon doesn't trap them with the same gaze he did you, nor does he look at any of the following models with the same eyes he looked at you with.

You can't get Sunghoon's eyes out of your mind, or the way he looked at you with want. Not a want of lust or greed or sin, but curiosity. A need to know.

Sunoo and Riki host XO's after party at DUMBO house that same night.

You're dressed in another XO outfit, one that Sunoo and Riki designed specifically for this event. They ditch the suit for a loose open blouse and a flowy pair of dress pants, and Riki chooses to do your makeup himself.

They take loads of pictures and videos for XO's social media accounts, and another ton of photos at the DUMBO House photo station before going off to meet the crowd of celebrities and contributors of the show.

"Have fun," Sunoo says, and proceeds to push a glass of champagne into your hands. "You deserve it."

You laugh, before your face falls. "Why does this sound like you're about to run off again?"

Sunoo shares a look with Riki before taking ahold of his hand. "Because we are. Have fun! Mingle!"

Your sounds of protest get lost on your tongue as Sunoo drags Riki away. You sigh, cradling your glass of champagne against your chest before going off on your own as well. You're stopped by various people asking for pictures or to congratulate you on the show today. You spend a few minutes talking to other models of the show and even Jang Wonyoung of IVE, before making your way towards the terrace.

The view from the terrace is breathtaking. You can see the river and the skyline from here, and you opt for setting down your glass to pull out your phone and snap a view pictures of the bridge and night sky. You're going through the photos you took when you're interrupted by someone sidling up next to you.

"Nice view."

You turn to see Sunghoon, in the flesh.

You startle, taken aback by their close proximity. Sunghoon tilts his head again, tongue coming out to wet his bottom lip, and you can't seem to look elsewhere. Unlike earlier during the show, you don't have to force yourself to look away now.

"Yeah, nice." You say, clearing your throat when your voice comes out hoarse.

Sunghoon takes a moment to sip from his own glass of dark liquor before speaking again. "You guys did great today. As always."

Your cheeks warm, and you look away from Sunghoon to down the rest of your champagne.

"Are you coming to our show tomorrow?" Sunghoon asks, and you turn to meet his gaze again. Sunghoon's hand has somehow gravitated towards you, now resting on your lower back.

"And if I don't?" You reply, fingers tightening around your empty glass when Sunghoon's fingers trace the open back of your blouse.

You know you'll be there, there's no way Sunoo and RIki are letting you miss out on a PARADOXXX show. But that's the thing about the game that you two are playing: you're the face of XO and Sunghoon is the face of PARADOXXX, two rival brands.

At the end of the day, the public knows that behind the rivalry and competition they like to fuel, Sunoo, Riki, Heeseung, Jake, and Jay are as close as best friends can be. They've been friends since grade school, and shared the same dream and ideas of opening their own brand with each other. The competition is fun for them, and they use each other as a way to keep their motivation and creative juices running.

(Also because they're all competitive bastards. You think that somehow they get off on winning.)

Still, you want to indulge the game you and Sunghoon seem to be playing by yourselves.

"I'd be disappointed," Sunghoon smiles softly, his hand falling from your back to rest on your waist. "I'd have loved for you to be there."

Your lips part at the sight of Sunghoon's smile. You knew that Sunghoon was pretty, handsome, and everything alike. Hell, you've known since high school, but Sunghoon has only gotten more attractive since, and you crave to know just how beautiful he is on the inside as well.

"Don't be too disappointed, Sunoo and Riki have already planned my outfit for tomorrow. You'll see me there." You grin, and you have to look away once Sunghoon smirks back. Damn you, for always being weak for pretty boys.

"Good," Sunghoon whispers.

"Good." You echo in reply.

They take a moment to bask in the scenery and view and each other, before Sunghoon breaks the silence again.

"Are we done with the small talk?"

Sunghoon squeezes your hand, and you wonder how you missed the fact that Sunghoon started holding your hand in the first place.

"What do you mean?" You tilt your head, feigning nonchalance. "We've only spoken a few words."

"I think a few words is enough, don't you think?"

"What do you really think?" You shoot back, and you know you're dangerously toeing the line between what you should be allowed to do, but it's exhilarating; the same way you feel when you're on the runway, you feel the longer you're in Sunghoon's presence.

"I think, Sunghoon starts, before using his grip on your hand to tug you closer until your chests are almost touching. He looks down at you, "That you should get to know me better."

"And you? Don't you want to know me better as well?" You ask, your glass of champange long forgotten as you hook a finger in one of Sunghoon's belt loops.

"I do, but I rather it be in the privacy of my hotel room." Sunghoon still has that wide, sharp grin on his face, and you find that you want to kiss it off of him, feeling the sharp edges of his fangs against your tongue.

Instead, you snort. "Wouldn't that be a headline? I can see it now. Us, faces of rival brands XO and PARADOXXX, seen eloping and spending a night together."

The smile you receive in return is blinding; melting and dripping warmth and love, and your heart threatens to pound out of your chest and into Sunghoon's hands. "Shouldn't we give them something new to write about?"

"Why should we?" You inch closer. You can almost feel Sunghoon's breath on your lips.

"I want you, and you want me. It's that simple." Sunghoon leans in, the tip of his nose barely grazing your own.

You reel back an inch, reveling in the way Sunghoon chases after you with a soft sigh. "Who said I want you?"

Sunghoon snorts this time, shaking his head lightly. "You've never been that subtle."

"And what about the others? I don't think they'll appreciate us leaving early, nonetheless being seen entering a hotel together."

"I don't think they'll mind that much, darling."

It's all you need to close the distance between you two, stealing the last syllable of Sunghoon's reply right off his lips in a chaste kiss.

The drive to Sunghoon's hotel is silent, and it takes everything in you to not jump Sunghoon right there in the back of the car.

You bite your tongue to hold back the small whimpers that threaten to come out as Sunghoon keeps his hand steady on your thigh, massaging the flesh there every so often and teasing over your crotch. Your eyes almost well up in frustration, and you have to dig your fingernails into your palm to keep you sane.

It feels like hours before you arrive at Sunghoon's hotel, coincidentally being your hotel as well.

"We don't have to take this to your room, mine is here too." You say once you're both in the elevator.

Sunghoon gives him a look of amusement. "Would you rather I do the walk of shame tomorrow morning? I have no shame in doing so."

You scoff, cheeks heating. "Shut up, you have. show tomorrow, it's fine. We'll do this in your room."

"You sound as if this is a job." Sunghoon crosses the elevator to take your hands into his, tugging him flush against his chest. "Am I not entertaining you?"

“You—” you huff. “You’re plenty entertaining. Entertaining and insufferable.”

Sunghoon hums, before surging forward to press his lips to yours. He bites down on your bottom lip softly before pulling away, laughing softly at the whimper you let out. “You don’t sound like you hate it.”

“I don’t.” You push Sunghoon off of you when the elevator dings, announcing their arrival to Sunghoon’s floor.

Sunghoon trails after you, catching up to you to wrap an arm loosely around your waist and steering them down the floor and in the direction of his room. When you arrive to his room, he pulls out his keycard to unlock the door. “Last chance to back out. Take one step in here and I’m not letting you go.”

You snort, pushing past him to enter the room yourself. “You’re so insufferable. Hurry up and give me what I came here for.”

“You’re so mean, darling. Here I am trying to sweep you off your feet, and you’re telling me you only want me for sex?” You hears Sunghoon whine as the door closes behind them. “Truly so mean.”

“Sunghoon. Come here and kiss me before I walk right back out that door.” You say, already having made yourself comfortable on the edge of Sunghoon’s bed.

Sunghoon throws his head back with a laugh, before shrugging off his blazer and throwing it elsewhere. He makes his way towards you stopping once he’s kneeling in between your legs, hands running up your thighs before stopping at your waist. “Didn’t know you were this impatient.”

“And I didn’t know you were this annoying.” You huff, frustrated, before grabbing onto Sunghoon’s blouse and crashing your lips together.

It’s more tongue and teeth than lips, but Sunghoon takes it in stride, matching your pace. Sunghoon’s hands stay on your hips, and you whine into the kiss in frustration.

“Sunghoon, when are you going to touch me?” You whine, leaning in to kiss Sunghoon again while reaching down to grab onto one of Sunghoon’s hands. You pout when Sunghoon pulls back, hands leaving you completely.

“Where do you want me to touch you?” Sunghoon says softly, before leaning in to nose at your neck. He licks along your collarbone, leaving small kisses as he trails down further.

“Everywhere.” You deadpan, and the laugh Sunghoon lets out in response tickles your skin.

“I’m trying to romance you,” Sunghoon leaves another kiss in the middle of your chest, and for once you're thankful that the blouse Sunoo and Riki put you in is wide open. “Yet you’re complaining.”

“You can romance me another day, Sunghoon. If you don’t get your dick inside me now, I’m going to wither away. Fast.” You sigh when Sunghoon untucks your blouse, and finally presses his palm against your skin. “I’m aging, Sunghoon.”

You can feel Sunghoon smiling against your skin, which frustrates you further. Sunghoon is so slow. You are this close to losing it, when Sunghoon finally stands. “You’ll let me sweep you off your feet another day?”

You groan and roll your eyes. “Yes! I’ll let you romance me whenever you’d like! Whatever it takes to get you to—” You pull at Sunghoon’s belt loop, tugging him closer so you can fumble with Sunghoon’s zipper. “—fucking take off your pants already.”

You hear Sunghoon laugh above you, then feel Sunghoon's hand come to rest on your head, before he runs his fingers down the side of your face. Sunghoon’s touch leaves your skin burning, and you forgets all about wanting to take his pants off when Sunghoon tilts your head up by the chin to run his thumb along your bottom lip.

Sunghoon presses down on your lip softly, the touch so soft, so intimate that your breath gets caught in your throat. Sunghoon is looking down at you with eyes so soft and filled with so much care and affection that your mind fills with static.

“You’re so pretty,” Sunghoon sighs. “So pretty.”

You flush, letting out a flustered scoff. You wrap your lips around Sunghoon's thumb and suck lightly. “Can I suck you off?” You mumble around Sunghoon’s finger, and the way Sunghoon brings his thumb down to press against your tongue almost has you gagging.

“Five seconds ago you were just telling me that if I didn’t get my dick inside of you you’d die. And now you’re asking to suck me off?” Sunghoon chuckles, shaking his head fondly.

“I changed my mind.” You pull your head back, making sure to keep your lips wrapped tightly around Sunghoon’s thumb, and pull off with a pop.

Sunghoon hums, wiping the spit you've left coating his finger on your cheek, and you scowl. You get a laugh in return, and immediately sit up straighter in anticipation when Sunghoon starts to unzip his slacks. Your mouth waters, saliva pooling under your tongue when Sunghoon finally pushes his pants down to his thighs. Your fingers tremble with the urge to reach out and grab onto any part of Sunghoon you can touch—his thighs, stomach, back, ass—but you restrain yourself by fisting your hands into the sheets.

Sunghoon clicks his tongue. “Baby,” Oh. You shiver, body tingling from your toes to the very top of your head at the pet name. Sunghoon reaches out to hold onto your wrists, bringing them to his thighs and exhaling through his nose when you run your hands up his skin. “Nobody said you couldn’t touch.”

You shudder in anticipation and excitement as you finally grope at Sunghoon’s legs freely, feeling the static in your mind spread to your fingertips as you run your hands anywhere you can get your hands on. Sunghoon is standing silently as he lets you touch his skin as you please, and it makes you whimper.

You swallow the saliva that keeps flooding your mouth at the thought of how good and nice Sunghoon is and how you want nothing more than to be good for him, too.

You hook your fingers under the waistband of Sunghoon’s boxers, looking up at him through your eyelashes as you pull lightly. “Please?”

You see Sunghoon swallow and tongue at his cheek, and your toes curl at the sight of Sunghoon twitching in his boxers. God, you want him so bad your body aches, craving Sunghoon’s touch everywhere; your body against his and Sunghoon’s pretty lips and tongue and—You just want so badly to be his, to belong to Sunghoon.

“Oh, baby, you don’t have to ask.” Sunghoon says softly, hand coming up, up, until his fingers are running through your hair. You can’t help the way you squeeze your thighs together to relieve some of your arousal, because nobody’s ever touched you like this before; nobody has ever touched you with so much affection and care and fondness like Sunghoon’s been doing.

You stand up and remove your fingers from where they were teasing Sunghoon’s skin to curl them around the sides of his neck instead, pulling him in for a soft kiss that says too many things at once. Sunghoon’s hands slide around your waist, fingers digging into your blouse lightly. You spin the both of you around, flipping your positions until Sunghoon is the one seated on the bed instead.

Sunghoon sucks in a breath when you disconnect your lips to drop to your knees between his thighs. You leave kisses on his thighs, biting and sucking to leave small marks you knows will be covered by Sunghoon’s outfit tomorrow. Sunghoon’s hand rests in your hair, and you preen when Sunghoon’s fingers tighten when you bite down too hard.

Impatient.

Sunghoon’s voice echoes in your mind, but you're already painfully wet and throbbing under your panties and you think if you wait any longer you’ll go absolutely insane. You waste no time pulling Sunghoon's boxers down, the sight of the gray fabric damp with a wet spot from Sunghoon’s precome shoves the last bit of sanity and patience you have out the window.

Sunghoon hisses as the cold air hits his cock and his voice breaks off into a low groan when you wrap your soft hand around the base, one hand digging crescents into Sunghoon’s thigh and the other holding his cock steady so you can lean down and lick a stripe up the underside. You moan when you get to the mushroom-top head, eyes rolling back at the musky scent of Sunghoon’s precome and sweat finally on your tongue.

You suck lightly, tongue digging into the slit, already addicted to Sunghoon’s scent and smell and taste. Your lips are slick from the drool from your mouth dribbling out the corners of your lips and down Sunghoon’s cock, and you hear Sunghoon let out a shaky breath above you. You take a glance up and are frozen in place at the sight of Sunghoon with his head thrown back and his pretty throat on display. You make a mental note to remember to taste him there later too.

Sunghoon’s head falls forward when you take him deeper into your mouth, and you're obsessed with the way Sunghoon looks when he’s getting his dick sucked—when you're the one doing it. How his brows furrow, how his lips turn pink and raw from being bitten down on, how he sounds moaning your name when you swallow around his cock.

Sunghoon releases his bottom lip, tongue peeking out to run over it as a way to soothe it. You preen again when Sunghoon finally has his eyes and gaze on you, and it makes you think back to the show earlier today, when all of Sunghoon’s focus was on you. God, the thought makes your blood run hot, and you makes it your mission to prove to Sunghoon just how much you like when Sunghoon looks at you—how much you love when Sunghoon makes you feel like you're the only person there.

“So pretty—god, you’re so perfect for me.” Sunghoon tightens his fingers in your hair and uses the grip to pull you further down onto his cock, until your nose is buried into Sunghoon’s finely trimmed hair. You try to express how much you love this—Sunghoon using you and pulling your hair and praising you—but it only comes out as a weak moan that has Sunghoon's hips bucking forward. Sunghoon curses when you gag around him. “Fuck, you feel so good.”

You whine and rub your thighs together to relieve some of the ache in your core, fingers tightening where they’re already digging into Sunghoon’s thigh. You pull your head up to swirl your tongue around the tip again before going down, making sure to squeeze Sunghoon's balls ever so lightly and softly as you do, and the throaty moan you get in return has you pulling off to shove your face against Sunghoon’s hip in need.

“Sunghoon—Sunghoon, please. Fuck me now, I can’t take it anymore—please.” You whimper against Sunghoon’s shirt, dampening it with your saliva. “Sunghoon, I want you. I need you so bad.”

You feel Sunghoon shake, tremble, before you're pulled up by the hair and into a rough kiss. Sunghoon tugs you forward so hard that your teeth clash against each other as Sunghoon falls back onto the bed, bringing your body with him.

You moan, needy, as you crawl over Sunghoon’s body to situate yourself on Sunghoon’s thighs. You reach between them to stroke Sunghoon’s cock and swallow down the groan he lets out at the feeling. You suck at Sunghoon’s tongue when it enters your mouth to lick along your teeth and trace your lips. You grind against Sunghoon's palm when he rips your hand away from his cock and presses his palm against your core, instead.

“Off. Take it off,” you pant against Sunghoon's lips and tug at his blouse. You pull back to trail wet kisses down Sunghoon’s neck as he pulls the fabric up, only pulling away to help Sunghoon lift the shirt over his head and diving right back in to lick along his collarbones.

You runs your hands greedily all over Sunghoon’s chest and shoulders, moaning at the feel of his skin. Sunghoon's body is hot and damp with sweat and you can’t resist sucking and tasting every part of him that you can get your mouth on.

“Baby—I have a show tomorrow.” Sunghoon breathes out, sounding just as hot and bothered as you feel. “No marks.”

You whine in response. “But you taste so good.”

“Yeah? Won’t look so good walking tomorrow like this.” Sunghoon laughs, softly, before bringing you back up to pull you in for another kiss. “You’re so cute. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Me walking down the runway with your marks on display for everyone to see. Everyone knowing that you did this to me?”

“Want it so bad—want you so bad.” You say in between kisses. You nod, letting out soft exhales into Sunghoon’s mouth as Sunghoon pushes his palm harder against your core, letting you rut your clit against his hand. “Sunghoon, fuck me already.”

“You’re so—”

“—impatient, I know. Hurry, I said please.” You interrupt, and Sunghoon laughs again, the sound ringing in your ears like a symphony. You don't think you’ll ever get enough of Sunghoon. “Sunghoon, now.”

“Are you always this impatient with other people? Or am I just special?” Sunghoon teases, moving to remove your blouse and throw it somewhere across the room. You ignore the fact that Sunoo and Riki would skin you alive if they knew their precious shirt was on the floor of a five-star hotel room while you fraternize with the face of their rival.

You shiver when your chest is completely bare, nipples hardening at the feeling of cold air against your skin. Sunghoon leans down to take one into his mouth, tugging lightly with his teeth. “No—ah—I’ve never wanted anyone as badly as I want you.”

Sunghoon laps at your nipple, and you keen during a hard suck. He's running his hands all over your back, and you can’t stress enough how addicted you are to having Sunghoon’s hands on you. Sunghoon pulls off with a loud pop, instead moving to leave marks in the middle of your chest. You can feel the way you're dripping into your panties, soaking through the fabric, hips grinding down against Sunghoon's palm.

“That’s cute. You’re so cute. Just for me.”

Just when you're about to get more impatient, Sunghoon reaches down into his pants to pull out a condom. You scoff. “Were you planning this?”

Sunghoon pats your thigh with a hand, and you gets the hint to hop off of his thighs and onto the bed. You crawl further, until the back of your head hits the soft pillows. Sunghoon removes his pants fully, leaving him completely naked, and your cheeks warm at how shameless he is.

“Maybe.” Sunghoon is kneeling in front of your legs, working on getting your pants off. “Asked Jake for it before the after party.”

“Oh.” You frown down at him. “How often do you do this that he just gave it to you?”

Sunghoon smiles, all teeth, before leaning down to press a kiss on your bare knee. “Don’t be jealous, darling. I told him who it was for.”

“And how do I know that you said me? For all I know, you could’ve had it ready for anyone else.” You pout when Sunghoon laughs against your knee. “It’s not funny.”

“Baby, I don’t want anyone but you. I’ve wanted you for years.”

And oh, “Oh.” Your breath hitches at the confession.

Sunghoon hums, the vibrations tickling your inner thigh. He kisses his way up to your stomach, sucking a mark right above the waistband of your panties. Your mind is swirling, thoughts of how long you've wanted Sunghoon, and now how long he's wanted you. They could’ve been doing this much sooner.

“Hey,” Sunghoon’s voice breaks you out of your thoughts. “We’ll talk about this later, yeah?” You nod, licking your lips. “Eyes on me.”

You haven’t taken your eyes off of him for as long as you can remember, but you nod. God, you think you might love Sunghoon. You don’t think about it for too long, not after Sunghoon pulls off your panties in one go, adding them to the pile of collecting designer clothes on the floor.

Sunghoon exhales, running his hands up your thighs. “You’re so pretty. Fuck.”

You whine, shy. “Don’t stare.”

“Why not? You’re mine, aren’t you?” Sunghoon says, raising a brow when you release more wetness onto the sheets.

“Yeah—I’m yours,” your voice comes out shaky. “Always have been.”

“I know, baby.” Sunghoon leans down to kiss your stomach, before coming up to kiss your lips too. “I know.”

You whimper against Sunghoon's lips, choking on a moan when Sunghoon ghosts the pads of his fingers down your slit. You can feel how wet you are, the wetness making the slide easier as Sunghoon slides two fingers against your clit, moving them slowly in between open mouthed kisses.

You're barely kissing at this point, more panting into Sunghoon's mouth and Sunghoon licking along your lips, but you can’t seem to be bothered when Sunghoon is touching you like this—fingers gently massaging you, rubbing slow circles against your clit—like you're his.

“Good, fuck, Hoon—you’re so good.” You throw your head back, and Sunghoon dives in to nibble at your neck and suck lightly at your jaw. “Can you touch me now? Please?”

“I am touching you.” Sunghoon emphasizes with a pinch to your clit. “More?”

“Hoon, no, here,” you reach down between you two to wrap your fingers around Sunghoon’s wrist—whimpering when Sunghoon’s hand leaves your clit—to push him lower, lower until Sunghoon’s fingers are ghosting over your hole.

Sunghoon inhales sharply, applying the lightest bit of pressure where you need him the most. “God.”

Seconds pass before Sunghoon reels back to rip open the packet of the condom with his teeth, spitting somewhere off the side of the bed. Sunghoon calls for you, “Baby, c’mere.”

You reach for him, arms coming around Sunghoon’s neck and pulling your bodies flush against each other. Sunghoon hoists one of your legs around his waist, firm grip under your thigh.

“Fuck, you’re perfect.” Sunghoon leans in and noses at your jaw before running a finger down your slit.

You hold Sunghoon tighter when he finally pushes the tip of his finger in, hole clenching around the digit. You moan, voice cracking when Sunghoon slides his finger in deeper, crooking it before adding another.

“Hoon—Sunghoon, add another. I can take it, please.”

Sunghoon kisses your earlobe before pressing his lips against your temple. “I know you can—god, you’re so tight.”

You clench around Sunghoon’s two fingers weakly, pressing your hips down against his hand in an attempt to get him deeper, to feel fuller. You throw your head back when Sunghoon adds a third finger alongside the two, moaning when Sunghoon scissors his fingers.

“I’m ready, Hoon. Please, please, need you now.” You rock back against Sunghoon’s fingers, whining when you feels Sunghoon’s cock twitch against your thigh.

“I barely even stretched you out, baby.”

“Sunghoon, I can’t wait anymore—please,” you beg. “Hurry, baby, Hoon.”

You hear Sunghoon let out a low groan against your temple, and you let out a soft laugh. “Baby? Is that what did it for you?”

“Could say the same to you.” Sunghoon removes his fingers from your hole, leaving you empty and clenching around nothing. “It’s just you, I like whatever you call me.”

“Stop being so cheesy—fuck me already.” You can feel your ears getting hot again, and hopes that Sunghoon doesn’t see right through him.

“Hold on, I need to get the condom—”

“No! I’m clean. Wanna feel you inside me, please."

Sunghoon groans against your neck. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

“C’mon, Hoon, hurry.”

Sunghoon inhales again, leaving one last kiss against your neck before he pulls back, your arms falling onto the bed. Your stomach churns with anticipation and arousal, and you can already feel the pool of wetness you've left under the both of you. Sunghoon isn’t doing any better, and you can feel the sticky spot of precome he’s left on your thigh as well.

You reach down to run two of your fingers through the mess on your thigh before bringing it to your mouth, sucking around your fingers and moaning at the taste. Sunghoon’s lips part, and then he’s surging forward to taste his own precome off your lips.

“You’re so hot, god, I’m so lucky.”

You whine, wrapping both of your legs around Sunghoon’s hips to cage him in. You moan in unison when Sunghoon’s cock brushes against your clit, and your mouth waters at how thick and warm and heavy Sunghoon feels against him.

You reach between them to wrap your hand around Sunghoon’s cock, guiding the head to your slit to rub it against yourself a few times before pushing the tip into your hole, barely, still teasing.

“Fuck.” Sunghoon moans, and you can’t resist pushing the head completely inside.

You keen, throwing your head back against the headboard as you feel Sunghoon finally entering you slowly, stretching you and filling you up just how youwanted. You moan at the feeling of being so full.

“Ah! Sunghoon—feels so good, so big,” Your head lolls to the side, tongue slipping out when Sunghoon finally bottoms out.

Sunghoon’s thumb swipes against your lip, pushing the spit that’s dribbled out from the corner of your lips back into your mouth, keeping the tip of his thumb inside. Your eyes roll back when Sunghoon moves, slowly, pulling back until the head of his cock catches against the ridges and walls of your entrance and slamming back inside in one go.

You wail, and Sunghoon pulls his thumb from your mouth so he can hear the sounds better. “Fuck, fuck—oh my god, Sunghoon, baby,”

“Yeah? You’re so tight. You feel so good around me—god, could fuck you like this every day.” Your moans rise in pitch with each thrust Sunghoon delivers, and by the end of his sentence, you're practically screaming. “You’re so fucking loud, you want everyone on the floor hearing you get fucked like this? Hearing you getting fucked by me, moaning like a bitch, hm?”

Your mind goes blank. All you can hear and feel and taste is SunghoonSunghoonSunghoon.

Sunghoon groans, throwing his head back when you tighten and clench around him. “All the people who saw you walk today don’t even know that their precious model cries and moans like a whore in bed. All for me, just for me.”

You're delirious. “Yes! Yes, Hoon—oh god, just for you! I’m yours, all yours only yours—”

“You’ve never been anyone but mine. Wanted you so bad for so long, now that I have you I’m not letting you go.”

You let out a loud sob, nodding your head vigorously. It sounds so tempting, so delicious—the thought of being owned by Sunghoon—being Sunghoon's own personal model. Just Sunghoon's and no one elses.

The thought has you seizing up, and before you know it, you're squirting all over Sunghoon's cock, fluid splashing against the sheets and spilling down Sunghoon's balls. Sunghoon moans loudly at the sensation of your walls fluttering but doesn’t let up. His thrusts and rhythm don’t falter, instead, he seems to get rougher, fucking you harder through your orgasm to milk you through it.

You whine in sensitivity, each thrust has Sunghoon’s cock abusing the spongey spot in your cunt, and you can't help the way you shake, releasing small spurts of wetness out around his cock.

Sunghoon hikes your legs higher, the angle causing his cock to hit deeper, filling you up even better than he did before. Your eyes well up with tears; the overstimulation hurts so good.

“Fuck, you look so pretty crying with a cock inside you.” Sunghoon curses, hands coming to hold your hips, using the grip and the new angle to piston his hips faster into your hole. “‘m close—gonna fill you up how you wanted, yeah?”

You nod, hooking your ankles around Sunghoon’s back and pulling him closer, deeper. Sunghoon groans, one hand coming up to wipe at your lashes where your tears are collecting so prettily for him. “Sunghoon, baby, fill me up. Want your cum inside me—want it inside, cum inside. Wanna feel you inside me for days.”

Sunghoon pulls you in for a kiss, all tongue and teeth before pushing his hips flush against yours, burying himself deep inside of your hole as he finally cums.

The warmth of Sunghoon's cum inside of his hole has you shuddering, finally content at the feeling of Sunghoon filling you up to the brim.

“Wish I could plug you up, have you come to my show tomorrow all plugged up with my come still inside of you. You’d like that, huh?” Sunghoon says against your lips, and you clench around Sunghoon’s cock, causing you both to moan lowly. “Next time, baby.”

The kisses turn soft, and you melt against the pillows at the feeling of Sunghoon's lips against yours. You sigh against Sunghoon’s mouth, hands holding his jaw to keep him close.

After a few minutes, Sunghoon moves to pull out. You whine, trying your best to clench to keep Sunghoon and his cum plugged inside of you.

“Baby,” Sunghoon chuckles. “We can’t stay like this forever.”

“Please?” You tug him back down and onto the sticky mess between you, grimacing when it smears against both of your skins. “It’s fine, we can clean tomorrow.”

“No.” Sunghoon fights back, but makes no move to get up or pull out.

“Baby, please?” You beg, voice soft, and your eyes widen when you feel Sunghoon’s cock twitch inside of you. “Sunghoon!”

“You’re just so—” Sunghoon lets out a breath, rolling his hips slowly. You full-body shudder, and blame Sunghoon for the way white hot arousal shoots throughout your body again. “Can’t get enough of you. Want you like this every day.”

“Sunghoon,” you sigh when Sunghoon pulls out an inch before rolling his hips forward, the head of his cock rubbing against your abused walls lightly with each thrust.

It’s slow and sensual and intimate, and after a few minutes you're brought to your third orgasm of the night, another load of Sunghoon's cum filling your hole up.

“God, you don’t know what you do to me. I think I like you too much.” Sunghoon says after you’ve both bathed and are lying in bed. Sunghoon’s arms are wrapped around you and your head is resting on his shoulder.

You look up at him, only to find him already looking at you. This time, it’s your turn to say:

“I know.”

Sunghoon laughs softly, lips curling up at the corners in a soft grin before he leans down to press his lips against your forehead.

“You’re going to be the death of me.”

You grin back. “Wouldn’t that be a headline? Sunghoon Park, death by love.”

“And who said that I love you?” Sunghoon raises a brow, amusement and fondness and everything swirling in his eyes.

“You’re not that subtle, Sunghoon.” You lean up to kiss him softly, once, twice before burrowing your head into Sunghoon's chest.

Sunghoon pulls the covers over your shoulders and pulls you closer to him, as if you weren’t already as close as you can be. “Wouldn’t you know?”

You laugh, shaking your head. “Wouldn’t I know?” You repeat after him.

The two of you fall asleep like that minutes later, legs and limbs tangled together. You think your poor, weak heart has already jumped out of your chest and into Sunghoon’s welcoming hands a long, long time ago.

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

XO sunoo and riki's brand PARADOXXX heeseung, jake, and jay's brand DUMBO house soho house's third nyc club, located on the edge of the east river + where a designer named peter do hosted his after party during nyfw 2 years ago!

a/n: my first fic here is done! listened to party 4 u the whole time while writing this, it almost made me insane. thank you so much for giving this a try if you did! pls reblog/leave me asks or anything :3 that would make me very happy! part 2 will be out soon hehe

[kalizzz]

heeseung fucking you senseless in a bathroom at a house party coz he got jealous of some guy approaching u??? 🤤🤤🤤

warning: 18+ content, minors dni.

hee dragged you into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him, his eyes flashed with pure jealousy as he pinned you against the wall, his body hard and unyielding against yours.

“you think you can just flirt with other guys right in front of me?” heeseung scoffed, his hand choking your neck, “i’m the only one who gets to touch this tight little body, yeah?”

he said, yanking down your skirt and panties in one swift motion, baring your ass to his hungry gaze, making you gasp as he drove two fingers knuckles deep into your pussy, pumping them hard and fast.

“fuck—so wet, hm? all for me?” heeseung practically growled, his thumb circling your clit in an agonizingly slow manner, “you want him to fuck you like this? rough and hard, claiming what’s actually fucking mine?"

tears pricked at your eyes as he finger fucked you mercilessly, his breath hot against your ear, “please—heeseung,” you whimpered, “i’m sorry—”

he cut you off with a brutal kiss, his tongue forcing its way into your mouth, you could taste the alcohol on him as he consumed you, one hand groping your tit while the other continued to plunge into your aching cunt.

“i’m going to fuck you so hard you’ll never even look at another man again,” heeseung promised darkly, releasing your lips only to nip at your throat, “i’ll make sure you know exactly who you belong to.”

he spun you around and bent you over the sink, ripping open his pants to free his hardened cock, you cried out as he slammed into you, stretching you wide around his thick shaft.

“take it, my pretty lil slut,” heeseung commanded, his fingers digging into your hips as he pistoned in and out of your tight heat. “this cunt belongs to me, understand? i’m going to fuck you senseless right here where anyone could walk in and see what a desperate little whore you are for my cock.”

[kalizzz]

( ✶ ) OLDER STEPBRO!JAKE ⎯⎯ 🐶

( ⟢ ) pairings. jake x fem!reader 18+

⎯⎯ warnings. stepcest corruption virginity loss (f) praise oral f. rec kinda possessive jake reader calls jake ‘yunie’ unprotected sex lmk if i missed smth!

WORD COUNT ˳ 1.3k

( 🗒️ ) note. don’t like it don’t read it.

+ i’ve been feeling kind of insecure of my writing these days so this might not be the best.. pls forgive me 😭

older stepbro jake who can’t help but always gush from how cute and innocent you are. he always asks himself how one could be as innocent and pure as you.

and of course he has nasty dirty thoughts about you. he’s always in his room jerking off to the thought of pounding your tight pussy and fucking fleshlights similar to your body shape ⎯ he can’t stop thinking about being in your pussy it’s becoming a problem, shit he knows it’s probably so tight and wet. it has to be. he keeps thinking of drilling his big cock in you and hearing you scream from pain, from how big his cock is stretching your tiny pussy, keeps thinking about stuffing his cum into to you just lick it all out of you again.

both of your parents were gone today, he was so fucking horny he couldn’t hold back so he thought it was the perfect time to finally have you. be in you. ⎯

he makes his way to your room, opening the door without even knocking and sees you lying down on your stomach in just your polka dot panties and a oversized shirt that was clearly his while you scroll through your phone. you felt comfortable enough to be in just your panties around him even jake told you it’s normal.

his eyes go directly to your ass, he licks his lips from the delicious sight in front of him and makes his way on your bed.

you feel the bed slightly dipping and immediately turn your head back to see who’s on your bed.

“oh! yunie what are you doing here?” you ask with furrowed brows, slightly confused why he just randomly came in your room without saying anything.

you really loved your stepbrother you thought he was the nicest person on earth he always supports you and makes you feel like he’s the only real person you have in your life besides your parents. although he is possessive sometimes you really don’t mind it. you think he’s just really protecting you from all the bad things and people in life. that’s why you don’t really have any friends besides jake, you feel like he’s the only one who really understands you.

“i came here cause i wanted to try something new with you angel face.” he says with a mischievous smile as his fingers make their way on your cheek to caress them. you were obviously confused and curious about what he wanted to try so you asked what this new thing was about and that made you be in this position.

you were laid down on your back and jake came on top of you, he then went between your thighs and pulled your panties down. “j-jake what are you doing?..” you asked nervously, you’re pretty sure step siblings are not supposed to be doing stuff like this so you obviously felt kind of weird about it. but all those feelings quickly washed away when you felt his soft lips on the inside of your thighs as you let a quiet whimper.

“i’m gonna make you feel so good baby don’t worry.” he mumbles between pecks. his lips feel so good on your sensitive skin, your pussy clenches in an instant while your legs almost close around his head but jake quickly spreads them again.

“are you nervous?” he asks in a playful tone as his face makes way to your pussy. he can’t believe he’s finally between your thighs. you look so fucking good for him like this. but before you could even answer his question, he already decided to dive in. ⎯ “ye- mpfff yunie!” you moan his name out so loud, your hands cover your mouth immediately.

jake is finally tasting you and fuck- you’re delicious, just as he always dreamed of. ⎯ his hands grip your spread open legs to just dive in deeper and deeper. he wants to taste all of you on his tongue and the deeper his tongue reaches you the more you feel like you’re on cloud nine. your hands that were currently on top of your mouth directly going to his hair, gripping it tightly

“mhmmmm” he moans in your pussy from the pleasuring pain. the vibrations going up to your clit making you grind your hips on his face. “fuck- yes grind your pussy on my face like that.” he mumbles against your cunt.

as you grind your pussy on his face you feel like you’re getting closer to your release but all of a sudden jake pulls away with a smile on his face from the disappointed huff you let out. ⎯ “want you to cum on my cock” he says as his fingers make way to your chin and he closes the distance between your lips, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. ⎯ his hands go from your chin to your leaking pussy as he gently rubs your clit to try to let you relax making you squeal in his mouth.

jake has given you many pecks on your cheeks and forehead but this is really the first time he kissed you on the lips, you feel your cheeks getting hotter and hotter each time he deepens the kiss. he then ends the kiss with a sweet little peck on your lips and gets up to get rid of his sweatpants.

“uh.. y-yunie i’ve never done this before, and i’m not sure if we should be doing this..” you say nervously, if you guys really do it together that means you will lose your virginity to your stepbrother right?

“well no one else but me deserves to be in you baby it’s okay.” he reassures you again as he also takes off his underwear and reveals his thick cock to you. he’s already rock hard from eating you out precum leaking from his nearly red tip ⎯ you nearly flinch from seeing his cock. it’s so- so big? it’ll definitely hurt since it’s your first time doing this.

“fuck i know you’re gonna feel so good.” that was jake’s last word as he lines his cock up to your entrance and thrusts into you in one swift. ⎯ you really lived up to his expectations again, you’re so tight and wet his mouth waters from your walls snuggling so tightly against his cock he couldn’t help but let out a loud groan.

“a-agh yunie..” you hiccup, eyes teary from the insane stretch. ⎯ as he thrusts more in to you the painfully feeling slowly switches to pleasure making you into a moaning mess.

“my baby stepsister is enjoying herself huh? ⎯ i’m in love with the sounds you make for me fuck.” jake moans at the last part as he thrusts harder into ”mhmm- yes!” you moan as you keep nodding. jake laughs at you he surely thinks he really fucked you dumb at this point.

“t-tell me no one else but me deserves to be in your pussy like this.” he demands as his hand makes way to your throat to choke you but not to tight. ⎯ “ngh- n-no one but you deserves to be i-in my pussy like this.”

hearing you say that made him lose his mind as he lets go of his hand on your neck to grip your hips so he could thrust into you deeper and deeper.

“yunie i think i’m going to- aghhhh” you finally release, you’re fingernails digging in to his arms creating crescent shapes on him. ⎯ you’re clenching on him so hard he feels like he’s about to cum too. he quickly pulls out of you and jerks off his cock above your stomach as the white ropes of cum splatter on your stomach.

“fuuckkkk that was amazing __ i love you” jake huffs still coming down from his release as he instantly kisses you.

this ending was so whack (when are they not..) NTM ON ME GUYS IM SERIOUSLY OUT OF IDEAS BUT IVE BEEN WANTING TO FINISH THIS FIC.. btw the beginning doesn’t really add up to the end but anyways i hope you guys enjoyed this fic.. ☺️

[kalizzz]

smut ── .✦ (18+) (nasty as hell too)

jake fucking you dumb into the mattress, he’s got your legs thrown over his broad shoulders, sweat dripping from his face onto your neck. he’s just got back from his trip, and god, saying he missed you was an understatement.

his thrusts are brutal and deep, cock dragging against your walls like he’s trying to stamp himself into your body. the bed rocks and breaks under the force of it, headboard slamming with each movement, the room echoing with sounds of raw sex— messsy and desperate. “fuck, baby,” he growls, voice wrecked, lips kissing your ear. “missed you, missed this sweet pussy, look at you, can’t even- hah– think, can you?”

he pulls back, enough to look down, watching your tits bounce with every slam of his hips, watching your mouth fall open like you can’ tt speak anymore. jake grins at the sight, “m’ gonna fuck you so full, you feel me for days” he suddenly drops your legs, and flips you on your stomach like your nothing, tugging your hips up so that you’re on your knees. his hand snakes into your silky locks, pulling just enough to arch your back, the other hand coming down to give your ass a sharp slap, that makes you jolt. “look at this pretty dripping cunt” he says, spreading your cheeks as he slides back in.

“o-oh! yunnnn!” you whine as he starts up again, hips snapping into you, hard and fast. you feel everything, cock, fat and veiny, the stretch leaving you breathless. jake leans over you, chest slick against his back, mouth right against your ear. “you like this, angel? like the way i get home, don’ even let you breathe before i fuck you dumb?” he rasps. your moans are muffled into the sheets as falls face down, hot tears streaming down your face. his fingers find your clit, rubbing, twisting and squeezing it mercilessly.

he keeps pounding into you, mushroom tip abusing your cervix endlessly as your gummy walls clench around his lenght. you feel his hand pull you back up as he turns your face around to face, placing a searing kiss on your lips. “open” he commands. you obey him, dazed and he lets a string of saliva fall onto your tongue, eyes locked on yours. “swallow it. good girl” you’re completely cock drunk, completely gone and he knows. he can see it your face, the way you take anything he gives you.

“f-fuck! feels so good, m gonna cum!” you moan out eyes rolling back. and you do, squirting out as you coat his dick in white. jake lets out a broken groan, cock twitching, as he fills you up with his seed, thick and hot as it leaks out of your swollen pussy lips.

[kalizzz]

Touch of madness

Synopsis☞ Working as a doctor for an asylum was interesting, you had different patients, but one catches your eyes..Yang jungwon a very special patient..

Contains☞ Slow burn, kissing, make out, healing, angst, fluff, unprotected sex, swearing, mentions of killing (a little bit).

W.C☞ 12k..?

Nef notes☞ New jungwon fic based on the CONCEPT PHOTOS, HOLY SHIT, THEY WHERE SO GEWDDD TOO GEEWED! anyways here's some serial killer jungwon, when I saw him hold the chainsaw I had to!..love y'all, reblogs, likes and comments are good for me! feel free to comment!Hope you guys enjoy it (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

The heavy steel door groaned as it closed behind you, a familiar finality echoing off the cold tile walls. The fluorescent lights above buzzed, flickering slightly, casting sterile white over the hallway. The South Wing of the Seoul Psychiatric Detention Center wasn’t a place many dared to linger. Especially not near Room 313.

You weren’t supposed to be here past shift change. But rules had blurred long ago, the first time you made eye contact with Jungwon through that reinforced glass.

He had been transferred under high-security conditions, a 19-year-old with a rap sheet that read like a horror script—four confirmed murders, two suspected, and a trail of evidence so compelling the prosecution hadn’t even bothered with a plea deal. But he was too young for full incarceration. The court ordered psychiatric evaluation instead. Which meant, for now, he belonged in your world.

The first time you'd seen him, he was barefoot, cuffs around his ankles and wrists, still smiling like he'd just walked out of a nightclub. A smile that felt... wrong in all the right ways. Not deranged. Not hollow. But calculated. Charming. Disarming.

You remember looking into his eyes and realizing something terrifying: He knew what you were thinking before you did.

“You’re back early,” his voice drawled through the bars as you stepped into his observation cell.

“I’m late, actually,” you corrected, clutching the clipboard tighter than necessary.

“Late,” he repeated, then slowly sat up from the cot, the faintest sound of chains shifting. “To see me. You know how that makes me feel?”

Your throat dried slightly. You were trained for this. You had degrees, certifications, and months of supervised fieldwork. And still, Jungwon made you feel like the one under observation.

“I’m not here for you,” you said, eyes flicking to the notes in your folder. “Routine wellness check.”

He tilted his head, a slow smirk pulling at his lips.

“You say that every time, Y/N.”

He said your name like a secret he enjoyed unwrapping. Like he had every intention of breaking the rules just to whisper it again.

You didn’t flinch. You’d learned by now that flinching was like blood in the water. But you didn’t have to say anything either, because he leaned forward, elbows on knees, voice dropping.

“Why don’t you tell me the truth, angel?” he purred. “You like watching me. I can feel it when your eyes linger.”

“I watch all the patients.”

“But I’m your favorite.”

You opened your mouth—to deny, to scold, you weren’t sure—but his gaze locked onto yours, and your breath caught.

“I see the way you hesitate outside the glass,” he said softly. “Like you’re trying to convince yourself not to come in.”

He wasn’t wrong. And that’s what made you furious.

Jungwon didn’t just enjoy mind games. He thrived on them. He read body language like poetry. He saw lies like they were highlighted in red.

And lately… he’d turned his attention entirely on you.

You told yourself it was part of the job—understanding him, empathizing just enough to build rapport. You told yourself you weren’t addicted to the electric pull between you, the way his words made your skin feel too tight. You told yourself he didn’t matter.

But that didn’t explain why you started staying past hours.

Didn’t explain why you read his files late into the night, fingers tracing over crime scene photos not in horror—but fascination.

Didn’t explain why, when he smiled, you sometimes smiled back.

“You’re not like them,” he said one night, voice low and silken as rain tapped the windows behind him.

“Like who?”

“The ones who try to fix me. You’re just trying to understand.”

“That’s my job.”

“No, Y/N,” he said, dragging out every syllable. “Your job is to document. But you? You want to know.”

Your silence gave you away.

“And the more you know,” he added, “the more you’ll crave.”

You swallowed. “And what is it I’m supposed to be craving, Jungwon?”

He stood, the chains dragging faintly. There was only a short distance between you now, four thick bars and a lifetime of poor decisions.

“Me,” he whispered.

You tried to pull away. You tried reassignment, switching shifts, working longer with less sleep. It didn’t matter. Jungwon’s voice echoed even in your dreams.

And he noticed.

“You’re not sleeping,” he said one day as you delivered meds to his cell. “Eyes puffy. Little tremble in your hand.”

“I’m fine.”

“You miss me.”

You laughed bitterly. “You’re psychotic.”

He leaned closer. “You keep saying that like it’s a turn-off.”

You hated him. You hated how he saw through everything. And you hated yourself for letting him.

But somewhere between your duty and his obsession, you started wanting the monster.

It came to a head during a lockdown.

A riot broke out in the North Wing. The facility went red-zone, sirens blaring. You were doing rounds, and when the security doors slammed, you were locked in with Jungwon.

The overhead buzzed: “Remain in place. Doors will reopen once clearance is verified.”

You stared at the cell. His door hadn’t locked. Malfunctioning latch. Classic.

And he was watching you. Uncuffed. Smiling. Beautiful and terrifying and real.

“You’re afraid,” he murmured, stepping out of the shadow.

“Don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I can scream.”

He took a step closer. “And they won’t come.”

Your back hit the wall.

He stopped in front of you, eyes unreadable now. The game dropped. Something deeper took its place.

“I could hurt you,” he said softly.

“I know.”

“I don’t want to.”

You exhaled shakily. “Then don’t.”

His fingers brushed your wrist.

“Say it,” he whispered. “Say you want this too.”

You didn’t answer.

But you didn’t pull away either.

The kiss was a chemical explosion.

Your hand tangled in the back of his shirt. His lips crashed into yours with fury and restraint, like he wanted to consume you and worship you all at once. You felt teeth, breath the heat he tasted like everything you weren’t supposed to have.

And you let him.

Because the worst part of all this wasn’t that he was a killer.

It was that he made you feel more alive than anyone ever had.

After that, there was no going back.

Late-night visits turned into touches beneath the table. A stolen moment when security cameras glitched. Fingertips brushing across your waist when no one was looking.

You kept his secrets. He kept your sanity.

But the guilt grew.

The lines blurred.

The closer you got to him, the more he opened up. About the pain. The voices. The fear of abandonment that grew claws. He wasn’t proud of what he’d done—but he didn’t regret it either.

“They deserved it,” he told you once. “They hurt people. And no one stopped them.”

“And you think that makes you better?”

He looked at you with those molten eyes.

“No,” he said. “It makes me honest.”

The night you lost control entirely, it was raining.

You’d received notice that Jungwon was being transferred. Maximum security prison. No more therapy. No more contact.

You broke protocol.

You snuck in, unlocked the gate, and stepped into his arms like it was the only place left on Earth that made sense.

“You came,” he whispered.

“I had to.”

There were no more words after that.

Only lips. Tongues. Whispers. Skin. Your body pressed to his, heat searing the cold walls. Chains rattling against the rhythm of your sin. You let him take you, and you took him in return. Like sinners. Like lovers. Like two people who knew they’d burn for this but didn’t care.

He made you cry. He made you scream. He made you feel.

And when he held you after, breathless and shaking, you realized the truth:

You didn’t love him despite the madness.

You loved him because of it.

They found you the next morning, asleep in his arms.

You were stripped of your position. The media swarmed. Your name went viral as "The Angel Who Fell for the Devil."

But he never testified against you.

In fact, he whispered only one thing during his final hearing.

“I would kill for her again.”

Six months later, a body was found near a broken fence line.

Security footage was corrupted.

An empty guard uniform was missing.

And the last thing the night watchman heard before the cameras went dead?

A voice, low and cocky, whispering through static:

“Told you she’d come back for me.”

The motel room was too quiet.

Faded floral curtains. Cheap, flickering light. One bed. A single ticking clock on the wall.

Jungwon stood by the window, shirtless, damp towel around his neck, freshly showered. You sat at the edge of the bed, hands gripping the sheets. The silence between you buzzed louder than the asylum alarms ever had.

“Still think I’m the villain?” he asked, glancing over his shoulder.

You met his eyes. That same mix of trouble and tenderness. His voice was low, cocky, but not careless.

“No,” you said. “I think you’re something worse.”

He tilted his head. “Oh?”

“Unpredictable.”

Jungwon chuckled. “That’s not always a bad thing, sweetheart.”

He walked toward you, the towel falling from his neck. He wasn’t trying to be seductive. He didn’t need to try. It was in the way he moved confident, controlled, like he could shatter or shelter you at will.

“Why’d you come with me?” he asked.

You didn’t answer right away. Because the truth was messy.

Because part of you wanted to save him. And another part, maybe darker, wanted to belong to the madness too.

“You asked me to,” you whispered.

He knelt in front of you, between your knees. “That all it took?”

You reached for him, fingertips brushing his cheek. “I couldn’t let them take you back.”

“Because you care?”

You nodded.

He leaned in, lips brushing yours, soft, almost reverent. Then he pulled back, gaze suddenly serious.

“You know I’ve killed people,” he said. “Real people. Not just stories on paper.”

“I know.”

“I’m not cured.”

“I know.”

“And I’ll never be what you want me to be.”

You stood and kissed him.

“I never asked you to be.”

The past few weeks where like a fever dream.

They were a tangle of sheets and hands and whispered confessions. Sometimes soft, sometimes desperate. Sometimes violent—not in a way that hurt, but in the way people do when they’re clinging to each other like lifelines.

And then came the nightmares.

Jungwon would wake up gasping, sweating, eyes wild. You’d wrap your arms around him, hold him until he stopped shaking.

“What do you see?” you asked once.

He whispered, “You… leaving.”

You never did.

But peace is temporary when blood’s in your past.

A photo leaked online. Grainy. A gas station security cam. You and Jungwon, buying snacks. It wasn’t a clear shot, but it was enough.

Suddenly, you weren’t ghosts anymore.

You were fugitives.

Jungwon wanted to run. You wanted to plan.

They almost caught you in Denver.

Marked car. Two agents. You had to run through the rain, barefoot, laughing through the panic. You crashed in a stolen car, engine still warm. Jungwon was bleeding from his temple. You stitched him up in the backseat, hands shaking.

“I don’t want to lose you,” he whispered, eyes glassy.

“You won’t.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I don’t need to.”

Weeks passed.

You became something else. Not quite lovers, not quite fugitives partners in the truest, most terrifying sense.

You learned his patterns.

He learned yours.

He was still dangerous. Still sharp and impulsive and morally gray.

But with you—he tried.

He held your face after kissing you too rough and whispered, “Sorry.”

He stopped running ahead without checking if you could keep up.

He looked at you like you were the last good thing in the world and maybe, for him, you were.

One night, in a cabin deep in the woods of Oregon, you sat by the fire, wrapped in a blanket. Jungwon poured wine into two mismatched mugs.

“You ever think about staying?” he asked.

“Here?”

“Anywhere. Not running. Just… us.”

You stared at the flames. “Every day.”

He sat beside you. “We could fake our deaths.”

You smiled. “You’d love that.”

“I mean it. Burn the car. Leave blood. No more names. Just you. Just me. Forever.”

You looked at him. “Forever’s a long time.”

“I’ve done longer.”

He kissed you—slow this time, hands framing your face. There was no lust behind it. Just… devotion. A promise.

And when he whispered, “I love you,” it wasn’t a trick.

It was the truest thing he’d ever said.

But you knew better than to believe in happy endings.

The fire snapped in the hearth, casting golden light across Jungwon’s bare collarbones. He was lounging beside you on the floor, wine-stained lips curved into a smirk as he watched the flames flicker, though it was clear his attention hadn’t left you for even a second.

“You keep staring,” you said, swirling the last of your wine.

He leaned closer, his voice velvet and smoke. “Because you look like sin in candlelight.”

Your breath hitched as he took the mug from your hand, setting it aside. His fingers brushed yours featherlight, teasing, possessive.

“And I’ve been starving,” he murmured.

You parted your lips, about to speak, but he was already crawling toward you...slow, deliberate. The blanket slipped off your shoulders, and the cold kissed your skin for just a moment before Jungwon's body pressed against yours, warm and familiar and infinitely dangerous.

“You sure?” he asked against your jaw, voice low, teasing, but still asking.

You nodded, barely breathing. “Always.”

That was all he needed.

His mouth crashed into yours, urgent and claiming. He kissed like he wanted to ruin you and worship you in the same breath. His hands slid under your shirt, greedy, tugging until the fabric peeled away and your bare skin met the chill of the room and the heat of his mouth.

He kissed down your neck, softly at first, then with teeth, marking. One hand gripped your waist while the other slid between your thighs, already knowing exactly how to undo you.

“You’re soaked,” he groaned, two fingers pressing lightly against your panties. “All that for me?”

“All for you,” you gasped, hips rocking forward.

He tore the fabric down your legs, lips ghosting over every inch of skin he revealed, until you were sprawled on the soft fur rug...open, panting, waiting.

And then he knelt between your legs, tongue darting out to taste you, slow and devastating. You gasped, back arching, hands clawing at the rug as he licked deeper, then flicked over your clit with maddening rhythm.

“Jungwon—please—” you moaned.

He chuckled against you, the vibration sending shivers up your spine. “God, you sound so good like this. Could record you right now and use it as my new favorite lullaby.”

His fingers replaced his mouth, two sliding in effortlessly as his tongue stayed on your clit, moving in sync. Your body bucked, firelight catching the sweat on your chest, and you came hard, crying out as the heat consumed you from inside out.

But he wasn’t done.

Not even close.

Jungwon rose, undressing slowly, like he wanted you to watch, to ache. He was lean muscle and sharp edges, all scars and quiet power, and the moment he lined himself up against your entrance, he looked you dead in the eye.

“This…” he said, pushing in, slow and deep, “is mine now.”

You gasped, hands flying to his shoulders, nails sinking in as he filled you completely.

“Yours,” you breathed. “Only yours.”

He started to move, hips rolling, each thrust rougher, deeper, hotter than the last. You wrapped your legs around his waist, meeting him thrust for thrust, moaning his name like a prayer.

The fire roared behind him, casting shadows over his face. His expression was dark, hungry, worshipful, like he couldn't decide whether to break you or beg for your soul.

“Say it again,” he growled. “Say you’re mine.”

“I’m yours,” you cried out. “I’m yours, Jungwon”

He kissed you again, silencing the scream as he drove into you harder, faster, until you were unraveling beneath him, again, trembling and moaning as your second orgasm ripped through you like wildfire.

His pace stuttered.

“Fuck,” he groaned, voice strangled. “I’m gonna...Y/N—”

“Do it,” you whispered, pulling him in. “Come inside. Fill me.”

And when he did, when he came with a ragged moan, clutching you to his chest like he was afraid you’d vanish, you felt more alive than you ever had.

Like you belonged there. In his arms. In the dark. In the madness.

After, he didn’t speak.

He just held you, bodies tangled on the rug, the firelight fading into embers.

You were sore. Marked. Loved.

And when he whispered, “I’ll kill anyone who tries to take you from me,”

you believed him.

Because you’d do the same.

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