kallistoriae

[kallistoriae]

ok google how do i propose deeper friendship and intimacy to my mutuals without feeling like a pervert predator

[kallistoriae]

₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊ Everybody gets a piece ₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊

[kallistoriae]

𝘎𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘔𝘦 𝘍𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘰𝘮, 𝘎𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘔𝘦 𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨, 2022⁣ - Naudline Cluvie Pierre

[kallistoriae]

Gold ring with agate intaglio featuring a shrimp, Roman, 100-300 AD

from The National Archaeological Museum, Madrid

[kallistoriae]

All you do is whine

untrue i also suffer, rot, wail, wallow, haunt, mourn and rage

[kallistoriae]

[kallistoriae]

i go outside one afternoon to meet friends and i have to deal with a man pointing at me/reaching out towards me and yelling "a cane!" to his friends as i was walking by, and then another man invading my space (literally so close his cigarette ashes fell on my clothes and phone) while pointing at my long healed scars and trying to talk to me even though i had headphones on and was staring at my phone. what else do i have to do to ignore them. one stupid little afternoon outside after weeks of rotting in bed

[kallistoriae]

something something sense of self…. something something the cost of living a hundred lives and a single life simultaneously.. something something you can not take off the persona because the point is to convince people there is no persona to begin with, becoming a concept to later scholars, a transformation is also a kind of death

even though it was what he wanted most, i imagine it was sometimes exhausting, but also i could just be overthinking

so nobody worried as long as a single man kept up the almost impossible

i need to stop giving him sympathy, unfortunately here we are

[kallistoriae]

mug that says 'dont talk to me until ive had my roman yaoi'

[kallistoriae]

she might fuck you. keep posting!

[kallistoriae]

i think fiction should be abolished. if yo uwrite about a character dying you should be put on trial in real life for murder

[kallistoriae]

if i knew exactly when and how my intrusive thoughts/obsessive compulsive behaviors had happened in the past maybe i could figure things out but i can’t retrace a clear timeline. my best guess is maybe it started around 6 years old because that’s when i was first bullied but i don’t know at all if it fits because i just remember being fairly young. and it’s not like there’s a link between verbal bullying and daily thoughts of torture. so maybe older. i know some scenarios were inspired by a concept in a specific book except i don’t remember how old i was when i read it (could be anywhere from 6 to 9) so that doesn’t help. i know i was playing with dolls and other toys because playing + waiting to fall asleep were the two main moments for obsessive scenarios, but i played for so long and always created complex weird stories so that doesn’t help either. at some point there were themes of sexual violence so that probably had to be at 11 or maybe 12 because before that i knew about sex but i’m fairly sure i wasn’t thinking about it enough for it to figure there. i don’t know for how long any of it happened, i just remember it being overwhelming and fairly constant so daily or almost daily. but then i don’t know when or why it stopped (and by it i don’t mean obsessive compulsive behaviors or intrusive thoughts but specifically the way they appeared through complex and repetitive fictional scenarios that i would obsess over for hours every single day). i think that by 13-14 it wasn’t there because i remember that time well enough and i had other issues. but then i know that in high school around 15 i started thinking about it again in different yet similar ways and it felt like remembering something i had somewhat forgotten or at least had forgotten the impact of. i don’t understand the pattern is there even one. maybe there’s nothing to figure out

[kallistoriae]

Moonrise Phyllis Shafer — 2015 oil on canvas

[kallistoriae]

period typical handjobs

[kallistoriae]

killing her with my mind. when will it stop. i need to get out of here

[kallistoriae]

supernatural / antigonick, anne carson

[kallistoriae]

1.20 DEAD MAN’S BLOOD