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TW: mentions of suicide
David Bowie and The Lion King
I’m not really a fan of either I never have been
But I know you loved them
I’ve got a half finished painting of the stairs from The Labyrinth sitting in my closet I tried to finish it
I did
But you know me
I can never finish anything.
I want to rewatch that movie
because I honestly can’t remember it being that great
But I just can’t.
I want to know why you loved it.
Especially David Bowie.
David Bowie and The Lion King
The Lion King
Specifically Simba
You had a tattoo of him on your chest,
though I can’t really remember what side
I thought it was amazing;
A tattoo seemed so badass but it was of a kids’ movie which I always thought was funny We got into an argument over Lion King 1 1⁄2
I thought it was hysterical but you insisted it was too immature
and nothing could beat the original
I don’t remember what you thought about the CGI remake.
Bowie and The Lion King
What else?
“Where’s my hat?”
Do you remember that game?
You made my Littlest Pet Shop walrus wander around my bedroom floor in an eternal search for his hat
We played his daughters who were seals for some reason (?)
We tried and tried and tried but the closest we got to his hat was a toy rowboat
The furthest we got was my dresser
“Is this my hat?”
Bowie and The Lion King and Mr. Walrus (who I did try and find to let you see him one last time but man the closest I got were those fucking seals)
What else did I know about you?
You were a writer
Never saw your book published but hey that’s okay
Your friend, Kat, is trying now
I think it was about vampires? A vampire romance?
I’m not sure
I’m not sure I could read it even if I got the chance
I mean
I don’t think I can enjoy it.
It might be really good but if I can’t stop thinking about the hand holding the pen behind the words
Actually it’s probably not a pen
This isn’t the 80s
I tried to write a book
I always wanted to be like you
With your short hair, tattoos, and kissing girls
You got me a binder with the Hogwarts crest on it one Christmas
And I’ll be damned if I didn’t tear every page from my notebook to stick it in that binder I remember wanting to show you it
To have you read it
That was until I was 80 pages in and realized I’m no good at writing
Well I’m still writing
Not a full novel
That’d be pretty rude of me to publish a book when you weren’t around long enough to, wouldn’t it?
But short stories
RPG campaigns
This.
Bowie and The Lion King and Mr. Walrus and books
What else?
Your hair
Heh
You know it was always my goal to do what you did? Wait until it was super long
Then chop it all off and donate it
That’s still my plan
Hasn’t changed
Might not shave my head like you did though
I remember you showing up to our elementary school production of Treasure Island with your head shaved
Mema was so annoyed by it
But I didn’t mind
I thought you looked so cool
And I thought, “When I’m that age I’m going to shave my head, pierce my nose, get a million tattoos, and be a writer”
I don’t want that anymore But I still think you’re cool
Bowie and The Lion King and Mr. Walrus and books and hair
Cats
You liked cats
Not the musical (at least I hope, I don’t actually know)
But cats
We used to call you a “crazy cat lady” but now we all know you weren’t a lady but the statement still stands
You were obsessed. Nobody needs that many cats.
Bowie and The Lion King and Mr. Walrus and books and hair and cats
What else did I know about you
Your pronouns
Your sexuality
You liked Avatar the Last Airbender Star Wars
Dragons
Disney
Rent and other musicals Harry Potter
And Lord of The Rings
I don’t know what else
I think you liked mugs and Percy Jackson and stuffed animals but I genuinely can’t remember
I wonder if you liked Stranger Things or the Owl House or other shows I like
Or jewelry
Or if we had anything in common at all
I always thought
Hey, if he wants to talk to me he will And you would’ve
And that’s okay
It’s not
But it is
I always thought
When I’m older
We’ll talk
He’ll get better and we’ll talk and you know what?
We did
We had like 3 hours together
After not talking for like 8 goddamn years
I’m not naive enough to blame myself
I know I couldn’t have changed anything
I wish I could’ve but it would be pointless to list everything I could’ve done differently to make you not want to do that
You’re good
And at the end of the day it’s your choice
I can be mad at you or the world for putting you in that place but it’s not going to change the fact that if you wanted to be alive
You would be.
It sucks
It does
But no matter what you did or didn’t do
I still love you
and I still think you’re cool as hell
I just wish I knew more about you than
David Bowie and The Lion King
#poetry#vent poetry#suicide awareness#wrote this during my cousin’s funeral so sorry if it’s incoherent
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