kamron-yuengling

[kamron-yuengling]

TW: mentions of suicide

[kamron-yuengling]

TW: mentions of suicide

David Bowie and The Lion King

I’m not really a fan of either I never have been

But I know you loved them

I’ve got a half finished painting of the stairs from The Labyrinth sitting in my closet I tried to finish it

I did

But you know me

I can never finish anything.

I want to rewatch that movie

because I honestly can’t remember it being that great

But I just can’t.

I want to know why you loved it.

Especially David Bowie.

David Bowie and The Lion King

The Lion King

Specifically Simba

You had a tattoo of him on your chest,

though I can’t really remember what side

I thought it was amazing;

A tattoo seemed so badass but it was of a kids’ movie which I always thought was funny We got into an argument over Lion King 1 1⁄2

I thought it was hysterical but you insisted it was too immature

and nothing could beat the original

I don’t remember what you thought about the CGI remake.

Bowie and The Lion King

What else?

“Where’s my hat?”

Do you remember that game?

You made my Littlest Pet Shop walrus wander around my bedroom floor in an eternal search for his hat

We played his daughters who were seals for some reason (?)

We tried and tried and tried but the closest we got to his hat was a toy rowboat

The furthest we got was my dresser

“Is this my hat?”

Bowie and The Lion King and Mr. Walrus (who I did try and find to let you see him one last time but man the closest I got were those fucking seals)

What else did I know about you?

You were a writer

Never saw your book published but hey that’s okay

Your friend, Kat, is trying now

I think it was about vampires? A vampire romance?

I’m not sure

I’m not sure I could read it even if I got the chance

I mean

I don’t think I can enjoy it.

It might be really good but if I can’t stop thinking about the hand holding the pen behind the words

Actually it’s probably not a pen

This isn’t the 80s

I tried to write a book

I always wanted to be like you

With your short hair, tattoos, and kissing girls

You got me a binder with the Hogwarts crest on it one Christmas

And I’ll be damned if I didn’t tear every page from my notebook to stick it in that binder I remember wanting to show you it

To have you read it

That was until I was 80 pages in and realized I’m no good at writing

Well I’m still writing

Not a full novel

That’d be pretty rude of me to publish a book when you weren’t around long enough to, wouldn’t it?

But short stories

RPG campaigns

This.

Bowie and The Lion King and Mr. Walrus and books

What else?

Your hair

Heh

You know it was always my goal to do what you did? Wait until it was super long

Then chop it all off and donate it

That’s still my plan

Hasn’t changed

Might not shave my head like you did though

I remember you showing up to our elementary school production of Treasure Island with your head shaved

Mema was so annoyed by it

But I didn’t mind

I thought you looked so cool

And I thought, “When I’m that age I’m going to shave my head, pierce my nose, get a million tattoos, and be a writer”

I don’t want that anymore But I still think you’re cool

Bowie and The Lion King and Mr. Walrus and books and hair

Cats

You liked cats

Not the musical (at least I hope, I don’t actually know)

But cats

We used to call you a “crazy cat lady” but now we all know you weren’t a lady but the statement still stands

You were obsessed. Nobody needs that many cats.

Bowie and The Lion King and Mr. Walrus and books and hair and cats

What else did I know about you

Your pronouns

Your sexuality

You liked Avatar the Last Airbender Star Wars

Dragons

Disney

Rent and other musicals Harry Potter

And Lord of The Rings

I don’t know what else

I think you liked mugs and Percy Jackson and stuffed animals but I genuinely can’t remember

I wonder if you liked Stranger Things or the Owl House or other shows I like

Or jewelry

Or if we had anything in common at all

I always thought

Hey, if he wants to talk to me he will And you would’ve

And that’s okay

It’s not

But it is

I always thought

When I’m older

We’ll talk

He’ll get better and we’ll talk and you know what?

We did

We had like 3 hours together

After not talking for like 8 goddamn years

I’m not naive enough to blame myself

I know I couldn’t have changed anything

I wish I could’ve but it would be pointless to list everything I could’ve done differently to make you not want to do that

You’re good

And at the end of the day it’s your choice

I can be mad at you or the world for putting you in that place but it’s not going to change the fact that if you wanted to be alive

You would be.

It sucks

It does

But no matter what you did or didn’t do

I still love you

and I still think you’re cool as hell

I just wish I knew more about you than

David Bowie and The Lion King