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TW: mentions of suicide
David Bowie and The Lion King
Iām not really a fan of either I never have been
But I know you loved them
Iāve got a half finished painting of the stairs from The Labyrinth sitting in my closet I tried to finish it
I did
But you know me
I can never finish anything.
I want to rewatch that movie
because I honestly canāt remember it being that great
But I just canāt.
I want to know why you loved it.
Especially David Bowie.
David Bowie and The Lion King
The Lion King
Specifically Simba
You had a tattoo of him on your chest,
though I canāt really remember what side
I thought it was amazing;
A tattoo seemed so badass but it was of a kidsā movie which I always thought was funny We got into an argument over Lion King 1 1ā2
I thought it was hysterical but you insisted it was too immature
and nothing could beat the original
I donāt remember what you thought about the CGI remake.
Bowie and The Lion King
What else?
āWhereās my hat?ā
Do you remember that game?
You made my Littlest Pet Shop walrus wander around my bedroom floor in an eternal search for his hat
We played his daughters who were seals for some reason (?)
We tried and tried and tried but the closest we got to his hat was a toy rowboat
The furthest we got was my dresser
āIs this my hat?ā
Bowie and The Lion King and Mr. Walrus (who I did try and find to let you see him one last time but man the closest I got were those fucking seals)
What else did I know about you?
You were a writer
Never saw your book published but hey thatās okay
Your friend, Kat, is trying now
I think it was about vampires? A vampire romance?
Iām not sure
Iām not sure I could read it even if I got the chance
I mean
I donāt think I can enjoy it.
It might be really good but if I canāt stop thinking about the hand holding the pen behind the words
Actually itās probably not a pen
This isnāt the 80s
I tried to write a book
I always wanted to be like you
With your short hair, tattoos, and kissing girls
You got me a binder with the Hogwarts crest on it one Christmas
And Iāll be damned if I didnāt tear every page from my notebook to stick it in that binder I remember wanting to show you it
To have you read it
That was until I was 80 pages in and realized Iām no good at writing
Well Iām still writing
Not a full novel
Thatād be pretty rude of me to publish a book when you werenāt around long enough to, wouldnāt it?
But short stories
RPG campaigns
This.
Bowie and The Lion King and Mr. Walrus and books
What else?
Your hair
Heh
You know it was always my goal to do what you did? Wait until it was super long
Then chop it all off and donate it
Thatās still my plan
Hasnāt changed
Might not shave my head like you did though
I remember you showing up to our elementary school production of Treasure Island with your head shaved
Mema was so annoyed by it
But I didnāt mind
I thought you looked so cool
And I thought, āWhen Iām that age Iām going to shave my head, pierce my nose, get a million tattoos, and be a writerā
I donāt want that anymore But I still think youāre cool
Bowie and The Lion King and Mr. Walrus and books and hair
Cats
You liked cats
Not the musical (at least I hope, I donāt actually know)
But cats
We used to call you a ācrazy cat ladyā but now we all know you werenāt a lady but the statement still stands
You were obsessed. Nobody needs that many cats.
Bowie and The Lion King and Mr. Walrus and books and hair and cats
What else did I know about you
Your pronouns
Your sexuality
You liked Avatar the Last Airbender Star Wars
Dragons
Disney
Rent and other musicals Harry Potter
And Lord of The Rings
I donāt know what else
I think you liked mugs and Percy Jackson and stuffed animals but I genuinely canāt remember
I wonder if you liked Stranger Things or the Owl House or other shows I like
Or jewelry
Or if we had anything in common at all
I always thought
Hey, if he wants to talk to me he will And you wouldāve
And thatās okay
Itās not
But it is
I always thought
When Iām older
Weāll talk
Heāll get better and weāll talk and you know what?
We did
We had like 3 hours together
After not talking for like 8 goddamn years
Iām not naive enough to blame myself
I know I couldnāt have changed anything
I wish I couldāve but it would be pointless to list everything I couldāve done differently to make you not want to do that
Youāre good
And at the end of the day itās your choice
I can be mad at you or the world for putting you in that place but itās not going to change the fact that if you wanted to be alive
You would be.
It sucks
It does
But no matter what you did or didnāt do
I still love you
and I still think youāre cool as hell
I just wish I knew more about you than
David Bowie and The Lion King
#poetry#vent poetry#suicide awareness#wrote this during my cousinās funeral so sorry if itās incoherent
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