#vent poetry

[its-simply-just-krys]

“Mouthful of Forevers”, Clementine von Radics

[aurevives]

— Aure Vives, excerpt from ‘Hymnal bite’

[rosebud-poet]

[Black text on a white background that reads:

my gender is whatever makes me easiest to kill,

my gender is breeding stock, kill all men, can’t you just stay unobtrusive and neutral, the question cut apart in debate chambers, my ragged flesh and bones picked for statistics and arguments by vultures in suits who go home to too-young wives, breathing out my same old screams to useless onlookers sitting in rows, you’re disgusted by my blood on the floor but unwilling to shoot down what’s killing me slowly, what are the magic words i need to say to get you to care that i’m dying, 

my gender is polite young woman in a pantsuit long long dead, forward-thinking and modern, isn’t it funny that she lived as a man, she wanted better opportunities, we dug up the body and passed it around the archives and if you look here you’ll see the place where they cut out the most important parts, so sad to see such irreversible damage, so sad she never had children, so sad she was mutilated, but she was such a trailblazer, the first woman to put a bullet in a state senator’s head,

my gender is a bullet in a state senator’s head, shooting down vultures before they break my sibling’s skin, crippled tranny faggot (triple threat) with a score to settle, with a gash down the center of its chest spitting fire through pharmacy phone lines, never fucked someone who wasn’t an enemy of the state, never was your little girl, sticking around till the bitter end and triple dog dare you to come bash me yourself you bloody-beaked coward, come watch me be the monster you all say i am,

my gender is whatever makes me hardest to kill.]

[acarwrotethisrice]

Body horror

I am a cyborg because I’m disabled; metal and gears keep me up and moving

I am a vampire because I’m chronically ill; hungry for the life force coursing through people

I am a mummy because I’m disabled; all bandages holding together a failing body

I am a zombie because I’m disabled; all crawling dragging movements

I am disabled because I’m a human. I am a human because I’m disabled

my body is not horrifying so I am not body horror

[worldclassdisaster]

[darkhousepoetry]

instagram

[doggboyy]

[traumatizeddfox]

[its-simply-just-krys]

anonymous ; found on pinterest

[fuckingwhateverdude]

on angel numbers and hypomania

[aurevives]

— Aure Vives, ‘Cluster amaryllis’

[satosugarr]

For My Mother, I love you but i do not like you.

For my mother, I love you but i do not like you. You created me, you made me into what i am. I am simply a mirror of you which is exactly the thing tried so hard not to be. I tried to erase every part of you from myself and yet I have still become you. My anger is yours, I hate my father for what he did to you. I hate myself for the words that spill to you when I am blinded by rage. My tears are yours, they belong to you. The tears I cry for what you’ve done are the same tears I use to mourn you, to mourn what you were and what you could’ve been. I mourn for your childhood that was ripped away when you were most definitely too young, all the while mourning myself for you doing the same to me. You tried your hardest not to, but in your own way you have imparted the very same curse your mother had put onto you. You ruined me and made me in the same brush stroke. I cry for the hatred you have instilled in me towards my own father. It was easy for you to make me hate him, because it was easy to see the wounds and scars he had given me. His hate for me came quick and rough, easily seen at the time, but the hate you showed me could not be seen in an instant. You did not cut me but poisoned me, fated me to die in a slow way, a way that i could not see until it was too late to fix, but i see it now. I both hate you and love you for all you’ve done at the same time. I cannot fix what has happened to you no matter how hard i try, i wish for you to heal from what you refuse to speak about. I realise the reason i am so forgiving towards you is because of all that you’ve been through, but now the scales have fallen from my eyes and i know now that these are not excuses but explanations. I pray that my daughter will not fall victim to the same curse that has run through the woman in our family for too many generations to count. I pray I will not turn her into what I have become. I mourn for you, I mourn for me, and I mourn for my future. I hope to one day truly forgive you for all the pain you’ve caused. I hope to one day be able to truly hold a conversation with you without being afraid you’ll say something you can’t take back. I hope one day we can say “I love you” to each other and truly mean it, but for now, I love you but I do not like you.

[coffeexxcigarettes]

Confidence

-

The difference between her

And who I really am,

Is astounding sometimes.

The way her voice is soft,

And my voice commands a room.

The way she stands as if wanting to be hidden,

And I stand shoulders back,

With my chin up.

The way she cried for you,

Barely able to be heard-

The way I cried for you.

If anybody asks,

There is her,

And then there is me.

But whatever version of me I was tonight,

Didn't matter.

Because whoever I was,

Whoever I wanted to be,

Only one thing was certain-

My voice sounded so small

When I let myself weep for you.

x

[worldclassdisaster]

[adornself]

unfinished rought draft

[cum-villain]

being autistic means i don't know tone well, i dont know how to talk to people. my words always have meanings that i cant read, in a language i was never able to learn, that i may never learn.

i've been told there's such a thing as being "rude". in the dictionary, i'm told it means "offensively impolite", "ill mannered", "abrupt". I don't know what those mean. i know polite means "courteous", which means "showing courtesy", which means being nice to people. i think. the dictionary tells me it means "showing politeness in attitude and behaviour". i don't know what attitude means. mother tells me i have one. but when i say "courtesy" means acting nice to people, i'm told i'm correct, so maybe the dictionary doesn't know everything. maybe this word has meanings that cant be expressed in my language too.

i'm know being polite and being courteous are the same, and i've been told that, but i think "polite" has a secondary meaning i never learned. "polite" is defined as "having or showing behavior that is respectful and considerate of other people", being courteous, but it's also defined as "relating to people who regard themselves as more cultured and refined than others". I don't quite know what cultured and refined mean. Cultured should mean knowing culture, but when i share all the things i know, i'm called that allusive word "rude". refined should mean formal, using a fancy vocabulary. mother told me i was smart for my big words, but i lose that intelligence every day. i wonder if i ever was that smart. nowadays i'm called "stuck up", which i'm told means "rude".

abrupt is about timing. it means to be rude. it means "sudden and unexpected" in the dictionary. i never know when i should speak. maybe they never wanted me to speak at all, with my pretentious words. mother says i need to learn to listen better, but they're all speaking in a language i never understood. "body language", they call it, but i always see it as angry. but when i think they're angry they yell at me for daring to think that. i'm sorry mom, i wish i was smart like you said i was.

the dictionary hasn't helped me learn the word "rude". i've seen examples, though, to help me understand. "rude" is like rude words, crass cusses, fuck. "rude" is saying what shouldn't be said. i'm sorry, mommy, i didn't mean to accuse you of being mad, i'm sorry. "rude" is saying sorry too much. but i dont know what else to say to make you feel better. i never learned the language. "rude" correcting. i'm sorry i interrupted you, but i'm really not that smart anymore, see, you can tell i'm not smart because i'm always too abrupt, too uncultured. "rude" is my existence. "rude" is me speaking, trying to connect. i'm sorry. but i still want to be here, even if it's rude. but i'm sorry for being so rude. i try not to be myself nowadays.

or maybe i don't know the definition of rude. i never learned the language allistic people speak in the first place.