kappyyappy

[kappyyappy]

Sweet Like Honey

Dr. Kirstein who, upon the first meeting, insists for you to hold your payment and to allow him to look after your sick daughter free of charge. His heart could not handle the way your large doe eyes blinked tears away as your daughter's red, puffy face sniffled and sneezed. Plus your husband was a close friend of his.

Dr. Kirstein who loves and adores nothing more than seeing your gentle hands caress and hold your baby close to your chest. Her tiny hands gripped onto your shirt and her head leaned onto the fullest part of your breast. The quote "motherhood looks good on you" certainly pertains to you. He prescribes medicine for your daughter’s fever and schedules an appointment for the following month to see how she is doing.

Dr. Kirstein who counted down the days until he could see you again for your daughter's checkup. He felt the pounding in his chest every time he would remember you were one day closer to visiting his office. He was almost restless the night before until he had to force himself to sleep for a measly 3 hours.

Dr. Kirstein who shaves in the morning and ensures to apply aftershave and cologne. He ironed and pressed his pants and dress shirt with impressive, sharp crisps. His mother noticed and mentioned the unusual chirp in his voice this morning as he was talking to her. He just dismissed her and said she was crazy. She was not.

Dr. Kirstein who paced his office while looking at his watch every now and then. He would nervously peek out his window to see if anyone new has entered the parking lot or fix and rearrange his tie. He silently cursed himself because he knows for a fact that his mother would be wanting to know about the mystery girl that has her son delighted. He wonders if you, too, would have this intuition.

Dr. Kirstein who is so so good with children, my God. He feels his heart jump out of his chest as he sees your car pull into the parking lot and find a spot to park. He quickly rushed to the front door and held it open for you as you walked in with your daughter in tow. Her little arms reached out for the doctor as she sat, tucked inside her car seat. Your daughter who is smiling with gums so widely, you were not sure if the doctor had done something funny as you walked down the hallway.

Dr. Kirstein who feels his heart completely pound against his ribcage; he cringes as his voice stammers to make small talk with the mother of the child before him. Walking you to his examination room, his fingers work your daughter out of the straps and he presses her to his chest. Your daughter, who is seemingly all smiles around the doctor, has no symptoms of a fever like last month. Her tiny fingers wrapped themselves around the doctor's hands as he listened to her heartbeat. He poked her belly when she was all done with her measurements and physical exam.

Dr. Kirstein who tries to play it cool, "Well, Miss (l/n). I am glad that she is doing better." He smiles down at her as he grabs a thermometer and presses it to her forehead, her big eyes flutter up at him and you are too mesmerized to look away. The first time you saw Dr. Kirstein, you were screaming internally the whole first consultation. His eyes were like dark pools of honey, and when he held eye contact as he was explaining developments for your baby it was sometimes hard to retain information. He made sure to include a sticky note with a "you're doing a good job :)".

Dr. Kirstein who gently picks up your daughter and settles her between his arm before switching her over to you, "I'm glad she is feeling better, too," you sigh in contempt while gratefully staring up at the man in front of you. Your daughter's hands grip and tug on your blouse, revealing a small amount of your cleavage to the towering doctor. "She started to eat again." The doctor did a little celebratory cheer and cleared his throat while he recorded the temperature on his chart, tearing his eyes from you. You felt a heat rush through your face upon witnessing the veins running up and down his arms; his sleeves were pushed to his elbows.

Dr. Kirstein who knows he will be thinking about the electricity that exploded through his body when your skin made contact as he handed your baby to you. He could not help but wonder if you felt it too. The doctor understands that your husband had recently died and did not have insurance, but he was more than willing to help. Especially since he feels as though he owes your ex-husband. Once he sat down at the clinic desk, he just lied and said your insurance went through when he ran your husband’s insurance card. He noticed how your knee bobbed up and down while he put in the information for your insurance.

Dr. Kirstein who after commending you for your daughter's physical health, the doctor bashfully follows to walk you to the exit door with your daughter in hand and is surprised when there is an extended period of both of you talking. He chuckles at your jokes and leans against the wall as he looms down over you. Your daughter who begins to fuss as her little arms and hands which raised, were being ignored for the conversation between the both of you. Dr. Kirstein apologizes deftly, and takes her into his arms with no hesitation.

Dr. Kirstein who, still holding your daughter, was damn-near close to inviting you for a drink, but is cut short when his phone rings. With a small grin, you grab your daughter from his hold and quietly tell him goodbye while ensuring your daughter waves goodbye his direction. The doctor's heart aches as he ignores the cellphone continuously ringing and opens the office door for you. He wants to curse his college friend who interrupted his conversation.

Dr. Kirstein who watches as you walk to your car and buckles your baby in before sitting in the driver's seat and driving off. When he is absolutely sure no one can hear him, he answers the phone with a roar and begins cursing out his friend, Connie, on the other line.

Dr. Kirstein who grumpily continues to work, cursing to himself as he files paperwork and sets new appointments. When he gets home, he frustratingly looks at the calendar and begins to count down the days.

[kappyyappy]

Tightrope

    The mission was relatively simple on paper; all Reiner’s squad had to do was infiltrate the walls in Paradis and retrieve the Founding Titan and then go home. However, it was almost as if the mission was cursed from the start. Thankfully, the infiltration was smooth, and the squad successfully blended in with the refugees from the attack. With every look, every glance of sympathy from a filthy Eldian, Reiner would dig his nails into the flesh of his arm so often that wounds began to swell and bleed. He remembers when he first joined the Training Corps and was so baffled and astonished at the attitude of his fellow soldiers, some were gluttonous, some prideful and some lazy.  

   In Marley, if you were in the military, you were expected to perform with utmost respect and dignity. He saw it in very few soldiers standing alongside him at the graduation ceremony from the Training Corps. Besides his fellow comrades from home, the others who fell behind them were laughable at best. Mikasa Ackerman was a wonder, and she looked extremely different from those around him. She was practically glued to Eren Jaeger’s side, never does she dare to separate herself from him unless it is required. She graduated first in class and is guarding the golden ticket they need to go home.  

    Reiner never wanted to get himself involved with anyone, Bertholdt and Annie would often check him because he would talk and flirt a little too long with this one soldier. Reiner could not help it, to be fair. He had never met anyone so kind, so bright, so positive despite all the despair they had felt. This soldier seemingly feels no hatred. “(y/n).” Reiner would whisper to himself once he is sure he is alone, a smile would paint itself across his face so wide, his cheeks became sore. Reiner just kept repeating to himself that he would not let it get as far as an acquaintance, he ensured that the conversations would never stray from simple topics. He laughed several times by himself that you, who barely made it to the top ten, managed to wrap yourself around his heart. Reiner thinks his mother would love you if you were born in Marley, and he even thinks that if he were not the Armored Titan, he would marry you.  

    Reiner found himself revealing deep secrets or shameful confessions late at night when the both of you would patrol together. You would confess secrets of your own, and he would die with them. Reiner was not much of a gossiper; Bertholdt would often try to seek answers about this extremely inappropriate relationship, but Reiner would just turn away from him and deflect. You were Reiner’s and Reiner’s only. If another cadet would lean into you during dinnertime with beer in his hand threatening to spill on your blouse, Reiner would manifest from behind him and will physically move the soldier by putting his hands on his shoulders and making him sit at another table. This is what got you and him to begin a conversation, Reiner was examining you and watching you the entire time throughout training, and he could not fight the impulse any longer he needed to speak to you. Your doe eyes looked up at him as you batted your pretty eyelashes his way. Since that day, like Mikasa, he was at your side every moment he could.  

    He wished so badly he could just tuck you into his pocket and sit you on a shelf looking pretty. Reiner wanted so badly to just run away with you. However, every other week, Bertholdt and Annie would remind Reiner of the Founding Titan, and he is thrown back into reality. He starts to try and hate you by finding any type of flaw, but he painfully cannot. Tears rush down his face in pleading agony for the pain to stop, he does not know who he calls and prays out for the torment to end, but every time he gets reminded of the mission. He feels as though his world ends a little more each time, he constructs a plan to capture the Founding Titan.  

    When Annie is captured, it feels as though this mission was never planned to go well from the beginning. Your relationship with Annie was strained; she did not like you for your weakness and especially since you chose to join the Survey Corps. Annie said something like you being the equivalent of a sitting duck for the titans. It was said with such iciness and edge that it even made Mikasa stand up for you, but you simply nodded solemnly.  

    “What is it to you what I do with my life?” Annie simply scoffed at your question while she stood up from the table with her tray in hand and eyes scanned the figures at the table, her gaze settled and hardened at Reiner. “I have no family left.” You answered her honestly with a shrug, your face did not read upset, angry or saddened. You challenged Annie as you stared into her distracted gaze, but she continues to snarl at Reiner beside you.  

    “It is a waste to see what soldiers today have become.” Annie said with calculated tone, her gaze never wavering from Reiner who was looking up at her with worried eyes. “While you die within the first month of you being in the Survey Corps, I will be living my life in safety. Have fun dying.” She then walked without looking back, taking her tray with her, and throwing the garbage into the trash as she silently walked out the door.  

    Several months later, and everyone is holed up in Utgard Castle and Reiner knows Zeke has already made his impact. Reiner’s stomach dropped upon the idea that you could possibly not live through this, you were literally tenth graduating the top class. Reiner would always reprimand you for not joining Annie in the Military Police, but you assured him that you were more than able to handle yourself. And it was true! You and Krista made a great pair hastily boarding up the doors and windows. While you ran to gather more wood, Krista and Ymir were nailing the boards into the door frames and windowsills. There was a moment when everyone was taking a break, and it was only Reiner and Ymir scouring for food.  

    Reiner and Ymir both came back from the basement looking shaken up, with a worried glace at them, your eyebrows knit together. “Are there a lot of titans coming in?” You asked. Oh, (y/n). So, innocent. Reiner wondered if it came down to it, could he kill you? It made his head spin as he was still managing to find a way to get Bertholdt alone so he could share this newly found information about Ymir. How the hell did another Marleyan make their way to Paradis?  

    “Yes, they have started to make their way in. We need to get to higher ground.” Reiner stutters with a shaky voice, he curses himself to get back in order before he even thinks about speaking again. You nod and begin to gather more wood and shouted the orders to other soldiers around. Connie and Sasha helped move everyone to higher ground as they led everyone up the stairs. Sasha was listening to see if there were any within the vicinity as the group traveled higher within the castle. Reiner almost wished that Zeke would just take everyone out with his boulders. His motivation to live has gotten dangerously low, the only thing driving him was getting you to absolute safety. Even if it kills him.  

    Reiner’s eyes stay trained on you as he watches your leadership, despite peoples’ comments about your ability to serve and protect, you have been flourishing under new conditions. Maybe you just needed a push. Upon getting to the upper level, everyone begins to board up the walls and doorways, even Reiner. However, hearing a disturbance down the hallway, Reiner began to investigate and saw a titan, a little larger than him, standing and looking menacingly. Reiner was frozen in place as he and the titan locked eyes, and as if on cue, the titan began to sprint at Reiner, but not before he grabbed a mop handle and pushed it against the titan.  

    Reiner screamed for help, and a little bit after other soldiers helped him defeat the titan. There was not even a moment to recover before another titan came and attempted to eat Connie. Reiner was not sure what made his feet move to save this filthy Eldian. He was told and groomed since birth that these Island Devils were Satan’s spawn. Reiner shoved Connie out of the way and suffers a broken arm as he deflects the titan's body. Reiner’s arm hangs limp by his side, and almost immediately your nimble fingers were working to get his wound cleaned from any blood and slung with the gauze you took from fallen soldiers' bodies. His heart was breaking at the inevitable outcome that was coming soon. He will need to leave you and there is nothing he can do to bring you with him. You would not be accepted; you would get taken by the government and then sent back to Paradis.  

    Everyone was pushed onto the roof of the building; every squad leader and supervisor were now dead as titans gnawed and ate at their corpses. Tears were welling in your eyes as you tried your hardest to fend off any titans crawling along the wall. Reiner and Bertholdt came together, and without words, they understood that if they transformed, they would need to kill everyone here. He would need to kill you to survive. His hearing began to fade and was replaced with a loud ringing as he tried to manage each side of the argument. He could save you, and potentially reason with Bertholdt. This would put a major wrench in everything, he was not supposed to fall in love with an Island Devil! This is high treason! If Bertholdt snitched, Reiner’s Armor would be passed down immediately to Gabi.  

    Reiner needed to transform. He looked at your face, the fear, and tears in your eyes as you and Sasha held each other. There was nothing that they could do anyways, Reiner lifted his fist to his mouth and just as he was about to bite down, a shocking bang and a bright light appeared. Reiner felt his blood go cold and he could have sworn his heart stopped as he and Bertholdt looked at the titan before them. It was the Jaw Titan. The one who killed Marcel; it was Ymir the entire time who inherited his power. The power of the transformation pushed your body and several others into the stone walls of the castle. You passed out as your head began to bleed, Reiner ran towards you and picked you up. The once Krista was now recognized as Historia, the true Queen.  

    Everyone watched with wide eyes as Ymir fought the titans as best as she could, Reiner held your wound as Histortia ripped part of her skirt so he can patch your head. Bertholdt stayed along the edge of the mangled castle, watching as Ymir began to get eaten by the titans. She has killed more than several, almost all.  

    “There has been a clearing!” Connie shouts, “We need to start retreating immedia-” 

    “Hanji’s squad is here!”  

    Reiner has tears welling in his eyes as he contemplates the action he was just about to commit. He was so ready to murder you and his comrades for his and Bertholdt’s safety, and Reiner does not even have the motivation to continue any longer! Reiner almost wants to scream and just grab a weapon to end it. But what about you? What happens when Zeke gets to Paradis? Reiner flings you over his shoulder once a flare is signaled for the soldiers in the castle to come down to the horses that Hanji’s team had gathered. Zeke, from his position on Wall Maria crushes parts of the wall to throw at the castle. Bullets of stones rain and shower the castle, if Reiner were slower throwing himself down the second floor of the castle and barely squaring the landing he would have been turned to red mist.  

    Bertholdt, Connie, Sasha, and Reiner rode hard to the nearest wall to round up with the rest of the squad. Reiner’s heart was pounding because he felt Bertholdt’s icy glare on the back of his neck. There was no doubt a target on your back now. Reiner was sure if Annie were in his place, she would have killed you in your sleep already. He tried not to think what Bertholdt was capable of. Getting to the wall, there were people with pulley systems for the horses and the squad. While Reiner got a nurse to look at your wounds, Reiner and Bertholdt sat themselves at the edge of the wall and stared at the titans overrun the castle.  

    “I don’t know what you got yourself into, but you just caused more trouble for yourself.” Bertholdt scolded Reiner with a glare and a shake of his head, he was not sure how Bertholdt was able to get under his skin so efficiently when he talked this way. Personally, Bertholdt could not bring himself to care for Eldian’s and he often found himself mentally exhausted at the end of the day from interaction. Bertholdt has gotten so drained that he does not care anymore for what outcome arises, all he cared about was getting the Founding Titan and going home. Bertholdt just wanted to be home again so he could forget about everything and wait out his days until he passed down his titan.  

    “Don’t act like you don’t know where I am coming from,” Reiner spat while passing back the seething tone in Bertholdt’s voice, Reiner had absolutely no one to talk about this with and it was killing him. He could not even manage to look himself in the mirror because all he wanted to do was punch himself until he was a swollen, bloody mess. He understood how Eren had felt so worthless, so powerless and hopeless. He wanted to end it all. He wished he could. “Everyone knows what you had for Annie.” He jabbed while getting up from the wall and looking down at the sitting figure, Bertholdt scowled and shot daggers at Reiner. “Don’t worry. Everything is going to go your way.” Reiner then left Bertholdt sitting along the edge, staring at the sunset.  

    Turns out your injury was a little more severe than expected, your concussion looked healed in the following week before the attack, however you were confused as you looked at Reiner, Sasha, and Connie. Their faces were so close to meaning something, but you could not put your finger on where you know them from. You had woken up the day after you hit your head with a horrifying seizure that Reiner witnessed, he screamed so loud for a nurse his voice strained and cracked. Bertholdt recommended that he not visit, but what the fuck does Bertholdt know? Reiner spent his nights before the attack helping you walk and talk again. He helped you with your memory, even though all the progress made that day was almost immediately forgotten the day after.  

    Bertholdt did not speak a single word to Reiner until the day before the attack, where he confirmed the raid's details. Reiner solemnly agreed and retold the details of the planned ambush where they will make their identities known by you and Eren, in hopes of getting him to travel back to Marley with Bertholdt and him. Reiner did not sleep longer than three hours daily, and it would be in small increments as he would wake up from a night terror. He would curl himself into a ball, clinging onto his pillow for dear life as he cried into his hands. Reiner’s sobs choked through the night, Bertholdt would try to ignore his weeping, but he just could not. He simply throws a pillow over his ears when Reiner starts his nighty sobbing.  

    Reiner did not sleep at all when the day came. The bags were heavy under his eyes, and he felt the emptiness settling into his chest; Reiner could no longer cry, his emotions were completely burnt out. He woke up at 5 in the morning and went to the showers. Reiner was the only one awake, he was able to hear Levi shuffling in his office as he walked past. He was able to get around 30 minutes of more shower time getting up this early, by the time he gets out, there are more people getting up to start his day. He needed to go to you. Bertholdt would be waking up any time, and Reiner needed to desperately talk to you. The day nurses were barely getting switched when Reiner walks into the infirmary, they already know who he is here for, so they just check him in and allow him to walk into your room.  

    You are sleeping peacefully in your bed while your hands rested by your side as the setting moon poured the remaining light into the room. You looked so peaceful, your chest rose and set which led Reiner to follow the breathing pattern and slow his heart rate from morphing into a panic attack. He has never seen you angry in these past couple of months of knowing you, so there had to be some forgiveness that you will kindly bestow, right? Is that too selfish of him to ask for? He was in charge of killing your entire family considering your house was right in the way of him breaking through the walls, a large boulder smashed your entire house and mother and sister right in front of your eyes. Their blood and entrails coated your entire front, all you could manage to do was scream from the top of your lungs and cry until a soldier picked you up and sprinted to safety.  

    Reiner felt the choking in his throat begin, this is something so unforgivable. His hands gripped the foot of your bedframe until his knuckles ran white, Reiner’s eyelashes batted away tears as they ran down his face. If he were in your shoes, he would never forgive you. It is in your every right to wish him dead the second he lets you know his identity. Reiner sits himself at the foot of your bed and rubs at the palms of his hands as he begins to think of what to say. You do not even remember him more than half the time, so what does it matter? No. It does matter because you were still able to recall your family being killed in the debris.  

    Reiner’s palms were digging into his eye sockets as if he was trying to find the answer literally in his brain. He wished all of this had gone down a different path, he did not know what was worse, if he wished he never met you or if he wished he could save you and bring you home with him. Either way, death seemed best for the both of you. His sobs and hiccups filled the room as he looked over your sleeping frame. Reiner took one of your hands into his and stroked your delicate skin, your entire hand almost fit directly into his palm. There is no such thing as Island Devils. How foolish everyone is to even label each other as such. How could you be a devil when you have been nothing but kind to everyone you have met? Even Annie when she was being rude to you.  

    “Why are you crying?” You asked quietly as your hands moved themselves from his grasp and wiped your tired eyes. The sun was rising over the horizon, Reiner’s time was greatly running out, he shook his head while wiping his eyes. You had pulled out a tissue from the box beside your bed and offered it to him with a small smile. “I saw you last night, right? You’re Reiner.” Reiner’s heart could not take this heartbreak anymore.  

    “Yes.” He simply said while looking over your features one last time before he tells you the news, your full eyelashes and skin that seemingly glows bright under the candlelight and rising sun. Your beautiful doe eyes that watch him patiently and a gentle smile that does not rush him or prod for answers. “I am the Armored Titan.”  

    There is only silence in the air as what he says dawns on you, but you just laugh and shake your head. “How could you be the Armored Titan? Only Eren and Ymir are known to be titan shifters.” You laughed while swaying your hand dismissively Reiner’s way, but Reiner was not laughing. His eyes only focused straight on yours until you began to feel the shift in energy. "This isn't correct..." You stammer while your eyes desperately try to search Reiner's eyes for any type of humor, any type of joke but they remain full of sorrow and regret. Your heart-rate increased to where you could hear it in your ear so loudly, it was able to drown out Reiner talking. You were able to gather small parts of what he was saying, he, Annie and Bertholdt all came from this place called Marley. He is a traitor. Something along the lines of treason and the Founding Titan. 

    “I am the Armored Titan, (y/n). Bertholdt is the Colossal Titan.” Reiner repeats as his hands find yours and he holds them tightly. His honey brown eyes are pleading for forgiveness as he stares into yours, but your pupils are blown, and hatred and sadness was all he could read. Betrayal. Seething, hot rage. Your hands rushed to your mouth and your chest as if you were trying to claw out a disturbance rooted in your lungs. Your body began to shake as your cries erupted in choking screams. Reiner tried to calm you down and tried to stroke your shoulders, but you jerked away roughly and clawed your nails his way.  

    “Get away from me! You killer!” You screamed as you threw a book on your nightstand at his brooding figure. You wanted to hit him and beat him, you wanted to kill him. You wanted to scream, kick and cry endlessly. Reiner was trying to quiet you down so he could try and talk, but your screaming cries would bring the nurses in at any second.  

    “(y/n), please hear me out, there will be a terrible war coming! I can get you out-” 

    “No! You killed them!” You cried as you thrashed and scratched his arms in a desperate attempt to fight his figure off of you, “Help!” Your screams repeated and repeated until Reiner had to sprint out of your room and through the infirmary. He needed to find Bertholdt at once. Reiner hated that Bertholdt was correct the entire time, all Reiner knew was that he needed to get home as soon as possible. He needed to forget about you as soon as possible. Right after Reiner had revealed Bertholdt and Reiner’s identities to Eren, Reiner dreamed of a life that you and he had in Marley for the split second before he had begun the raid. All Reiner would dream about now is his death in two years and hope that whatever God is out there allows him to follow you through your life and protect you. Reiner can hope for the miracle that you would want to forgive him in the afterlife and spend an eternity with him. Reiner spends the rest of his days praying to see you again after he kidnaps Eren.