karasukay192 - Tumblr blog

[karasukay192]

Forgive me my love, for I no longer feel connected to you... I do have great love for you but I feel we can go no further. I don't know how I can go on like this. At this point....you are only a roommate. I want to be free

[karasukay192]

[karasukay192]

“These days he relied on the increasingly fragile assumption that what he said was right, and what was right was what he said.” - Richard Flanagan, The Narrow Road to the Deep North

[karasukay192]

The other side of my Gemini came out today. Apperantly people really like karasu...I was kind of sad about it since I never got the same reaction with my kind empathic side. Karasu came out because she got tired of all the bullshit her managers and coworkers put me through. I let her take control and honestly it was the most freeing thing ever. #gemini #twosides #bruja #witch

[karasukay192]

The Goddess speaks to me with silent words...words that can only be spoken with earth.

[karasukay192]

My Trip To Hell Pt.1

My dreams speak to me, often they tell stories that I just can’t seem to understand. My latest dream was a very troubling one but for some reason i was unafraid.

“I’m awake...where am I? oh...why am I in a giant room?” I ask myself as I stand in the middle of a room that almost looks like the entrance to a ballroom. next to me I see my two sisters and their boyfriends...i for some odd reason am alone. I look up and see a dial moving slowly from one end to the other on top of the main entrance doors...”WE’RE IN AN ELEVATOR!” i shout to my siblings, but all that came out of their mouths were cold panicked breaths...I see it now, the lower we went the colder it got. that’s when it dawned on me, we we’re going down...way down...a million thoughts raced through my head “did we die? what happened? are we going to hell? why hell?! well...why not hell?” I wasn’t scared mostly because we weren’t burning up in a lake of fire, if anything it was just cold. perhaps a light jacket could warm me up a bit. the elevator though is immaculate! plants in fancy vases, beautiful portraits and furniture, a statue and marble bust, I was in awe at the beauty of the elevator to hell. perhaps it was the universes way of saying “have a nice trip!” before the eternity of torture ensued. we’re getting closer to the bottom, I can feel it in my stomach like one would normally feel in a regular elevator. my siblings are all silent. not panicked anymore, maybe they came to the same realization as me that we were not burning up. As the Elevator came to a stop I could feel the air become still...the silence was so loud that it was unsettling...suffocating. we take one deep long breath and suddenly, the doors open.

[karasukay192]

You can’t see how bad you are for me.

I am conflicted by your actions. They go against my pursuit to be a better person. you have no motivation, no job, no future goals, NOTHING. you refuse to be healthy and yet are scared of everything you eat, you refuse to live in a clean, vibrant home and yet you are terrified of germs, you refuse to grow up but still wish to be treated like an adult. after 9 years of knowing you and dating you all I can think of is how happy I might be without you. I experienced time alone the first time we broke up and it was hard but my Goddess, it was magical...I learned to be alone. I went out whenever i wanted, I HAD FREEDOM. you are so lazy and so scared all the time that it is aggravating. I know you have mental health issues...so do I, but we can’t let that be our entire lives. I am honestly to the point where I can only picture you as a friend, a roommate, an acquaintance...i am no longer present in this relationship because you haven’t been in a long time. I will not cheat on you but I don’t know if i can see this going any further. It’s a shame i am writing this on Valentines day but it is a bigger shame that I can’t bring myself to say this to your face. I’ll be going home today...you will most likely be in your pajamas in bed or making dinner with food you bought with money your dad gave you. you’ll ask me how my day was and I’ll say good...we’ll go to the room, watch some That 70′s Show, then go to sleep. and it will repeat over and over again until the day we die together but alone. I don’t want to live the rest of my life waiting to die. you are bad for me but you can’t see that. #rant #idontknowwhattodo #badrelationship #shouldiendit

[karasukay192]

The woman in white still haunts me...she appeared in a dream and hasn't left my memory. She was beautiful but intimidating, the human embodiment of a black rose...gorgeous and dangerous, She showed me truth in Hell but I still cannot grasp the lesson. I was not afraid of her...when around her I just wanted honesty, I wanted truth. I awoke when she showed me where the rotting souls of those who committed unspeakable crimes ended up. What does this all mean?

[karasukay192]

Let me be your Gemini ♊ I promise I will seldom bore you...

[karasukay192]

Slowly but surely it all falls in place...

[karasukay192]

I find that I have to constantly repeat this to myself every day. I am proud of what I believe in, I am happy for who I am...but the stares can be unbearable... I've dealt with them all of my life. Like daggers piercing the back of my head, eyes shift on to me and assault my body with assumptions. I no longer feel safe, I feel unwanted. My heart beats uncontrollably, I'm uncomfortable, I HAVE TO GET OUT

Panic

Breath

Stress

Breath

Anxiety

Breath

...I'm inside a sprouts.