karismaganda - Tumblr blog

[karismaganda]

“You don’t find your worth in someone. You find your worth within yourself and then find someone who’s worthy of you. Remember that.”

— Unknown

[karismaganda]

[karismaganda]

Hi! It’s me but without directly addressing this to you. How are you? I can’t sleep and honestly I’ve been dreaming of you frequently. Are you okay? Twice this week, you’re in my dream, we were happy. I was happy.

All these times, I thought I am doing fine. I am okay and I have been loving myself so dearly. But why do every time I’m happy, you always appear in my dreams? Giving me all of your time, your love and attention. You keep saying that I’m the one you wanted, that you’ll always do everything to win me back. It feels real. You, holding my hands while we walk, telling me how much you love me.

Why do you still have that special place in my heart? Why do you keep on appearing in my dreams? Why do you have to search for my social media accounts after blocking me? Why do you have to message me as if I have all the answers to your random questions about your mom? It has been a year, but you keep on haunting me. You know me very well, you know how to use my weakness against me.

And it was so hard to tell myself every day that I am okay, that I am doing better, that I don’t care anymore yet all it takes is a dream with you in it and then in a snap I’ll get back to being sad once more. Longing you more despite everything that has been said and done.

I have been through a lot fighting for that place in your life. Now that I’m trying to live a new chapter, you and everything about that relationship is pulling me backwards. What do I have to do to be somehow free from those memories? Your memories?

Can we be happy with our lives now? You have her. I have myself. We’re not the same. And I don’t really want anything that may ruin your happiness now. Just please let me be happy. I want you to be happy, you know I won’t wish any harm towards you. I even set you free knowing that I wasn’t enough and will never be. Please, please let’s not bother each other anymore. I loved you but this has to end. I love myself better now.

[karismaganda]

[karismaganda]

Maturing is accepting you won't always get all the answers or apologies for the shit that hurt your heart...but you heal anyway.

[karismaganda]

When is it my turn

To be sought out?

To be protected?

To be cherished?

When will I be loved

The way that I love?

It is pure agony

To bare my heart

And reveal my soul

Only not to be granted the same.

Who will come for me?

Fight for me?

Who will make me feel

The love I've never felt?

And do they even exist?

If only I could reach into the mirror

And embrace the woman

So desperate for what

She has never had.

[karismaganda]

[karismaganda]

[karismaganda]

[karismaganda]

Hello, Tumblr!

I had signed papers for my first car and even though it's not technically mine, kinilig ako. Lalo kong gustong magkalisensya. Very eager to drive "Tisay". I just wanna show you my photos with our very own "Tisay". So liberating pala the feeling of having something you can call your own.

[karismaganda]

[karismaganda]

March 16, 2023

Hello My Dearest Bebi,

Ulitan na naman di ba gusto mo yorn? Haha ikaw na naman laman ng tumblr ko, ikaw na naman nasa blog ko.

I saw your mom's post, a photo of you. Na-hurt ako ba't naman ganon? Bumigat pakiramdam ko to the point na I want to cry, as in asap, right now ganorn. Hinahanapan ko lang ng schedule haha pero iiyak ako sure na sure na.

Ikaw pa rin pala pinakamatimbang sa lahat. Ang sad no? Ikaw, happy ka na sa kanya. Ako, eto happy naman, travel goals pero kulang ng isang ikaw. Nuxx, drama yarn.

May secret ako, kami ni mama mo hehe. They miss me, same as I miss your family so much. I miss you. I miss us.

Ikaw ha, hinahamon mo pa si tita na papuntahin ako diyan kasi miss nila ako pero baka mamaya magulat ka nga pag nakita mo ako diyan. You know I'll do everything pag ginusto ko even the impossible one.

Singkamas nga nauwian kita kahit di season e. Ako pa ba?

I just want you to know na sasama ako sa Banton kay tita. Ako muna ang anak. Hahaha. Chos, I still have my respect sa taong kasama mo ngayon. I still respect your relationship kahit in reality, di niya ako nirespeto. Hmp.

Ayun lang, bottomline lang naman is that, I still miss you. Grabe yung buhok sa kilikili mo ha, super lala ng gayuma sa akin. I miss you cooking "nilagang beans" for me as in nilaga kasi maraming sabaw for me. Oh, how I love your cookings. Miss ko na rin yung paghihimay mo ako ng galunggong while telling me paano na ako kung walang taga-himay. But you left me. 🙄

Life has been different since we parted ways. I have been discovering a lot with my self right now, tipong doing things I've never imagined to do. Ganorn. And it's fun. Honestly, naging super gala ko hehe. Grabe naman pala kasi, ang hirap at ang gastos magmove on. Nakakaloka ka. Salamat sa heartbreak, I discovered traveling. But would it be better, if I have you by my side? Hmm. Basta ako, you're still the bravest yes and the hardest love I ever fought for. I still believe that what we had, is the purest and realest feeling.

I want you to be happy even if I'm no longer part of that happiness. Sana lang no, wishful thinking lang na di mo ako binaon at all sa limot. Na part pa rin ako ng life mo.

Ayun lang, humahaba na eh hahaha. Magtatrabaho na ako. Hindi na muna ako iiyak. *flashback* Tinry naman natin di ba?

[karismaganda]

March 15,2023

Hello my Dearest Bebi,

I miss you, naalala lang kita randomly. Kumusta ka na? Naiisip mo kaya ako? Naaalala mo pa kaya kung paano tayo noon? Totoo naman yung sa atin di ba?

Naisingit ko pa mag tumblr kahit pagod na pagod na ako in life hehe.

I'm happy, you are happy.

[karismaganda]

[karismaganda]

[karismaganda]

Back at crying myself to sleep.

[karismaganda]

Hello my Dearest Bebi!

How are you? It has been ages since the last time I heard of you. Looks like you're really happy now, and I'm glad you are. You know what? There are times I still miss you and I admit missing you makes me wanna see and hug you all over again if only I can. Surprisingly, despite everything you still have that special place and time can only tell if that could ever be replaced.

As for me, life went on. Met new people that became my friends and support system now. I also have been doing things I planned doing with you, this time all I have is myself and it is somewhat making me happy.

I wonder what could've happened if you had chose to fight as I would always do for us. Will we be happier? Guess it's not really meant to be.

I just don't understand why leaving is the best option you had when I'll go places to fill in all the missing piece.

You don't have to worry, I had accepted what happened and had forgiven you. For my peace, for the love and respect I lost for myself. Moving forward is the best thing I can do with the life I have now.

Please always remember, I'll always treasure having you in my life. It may ended that way, but I wouldn't want it to be the other way around. You will always be my favorite yes and the bravest battle I've ever fought for. Thank you for making me happy with your love and making me stronger for breaking my heart.