kasaraku

[kasaraku]

This'll be the last post for this month. I'll be busy with exams.

Anyway, here's the finished product. See you guys soon.

[kasaraku]

Wip.

I'm still not done just yet. I'm a bit lazy to render and it feels wrong with using my old brush, so I'll search for more later.

Bye.

[kasaraku]

It's been a whole 3 months. Hi.

Anyway. I'm dropping this for today. See you someday.

[kasaraku]

It's been a while, huh?

Been fun having your company around me this one year!

[kasaraku]

A gift for both Christmas and New Year, as this is my last gift for this year.

It's angst, as you can tell. BTW, I'm drop dead by Airi. Please send help.

“Tsukasa, dear, don’t run down stairs! You'll fall!” Said child only laughed in joy as he made his way down the stairs. Today is Christmas, so it's a joyful time for families like the Tenmas to celebrate. Since Saki's condition has been getting better, she's allowed to get home and celebrate Christmas with her family.

Tsukasa comes down from his room and quickly runs to the kitchen, possibly to help his mother for the food. Saki and their father were currently decorating the tree, with Saki herself wishing to have a cool gift for her Christmas and her father encouraging her to do so. Both Saki and Tsukasa believe in Santa, and their parents wish to keep those childlike thoughts for longer.

While Saki and their father were busy, Tsukasa and their mother were busy making dinner. It's been quite a while since they cooked together, so it's always fun when both are cooking, remembering that Tsukasa knows how to cook for himself.

“Dear, can you get that for me?”

“Okay, mom!”

“Ah, Tsukasa, can you fry that while mom is gonna cut some vegetables?”

“Yes, mom!”

Safe to say, the Tenmas are busy yet still find the enjoyment of the family.

When dinner time comes, they all gather in their dining room, talking and enjoying both the food and the time they're having together.

When they're in the middle of eating their dinner, their father chimed in, “Tsukasa, Saki, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

Saki immediately went happier, was about to talk when their mother closed her mouth just so she could chew on her food. Saki doesn't like it when she gets shut, but chews them nonetheless. Tsukasa and their dad only chuckles at her grumble.

When she's done chewing, she immediately went back to their father's question, “I want to stay with Iccan, Honachan, and Shihochan! I want us to travel the world and become popular!”

Their parents only laugh at that, encouraging her to continue her dream to have her childhood friends and her to travel the world. Even as Saki's sick, she always seems to be so optimistic and full of energy.

“Well then, what about you, Tsukasa?” Their father asked, making all of their attention to him. Tsukasa himself hums in thought, wondering what he wants to grow up to be.

“I want to make everyone smile!” They all only smile softly at his words. Truly the kind big brother he is, but that wish is pretty selfless. This is a question about what Tsukasa himself wanted to grow up to, not what his goal was.

“That's your goal, dear. What do you want to be when you grow up, hm?” Their mother asked Tsukasa. He is dumbfounded by that before going back to thinking again.

Saki and their dad chuckles at his mistake and continues to eat, letting Tsukasa think more about it.

After a bit, Tsukasa fidget with his fingers, not knowing what he wishes to be when he grows up. Their mother sees it, and chuckles at his confusion before seeing his eyes to the ground.

“..Kind. I want to be kind.” Everyone at the table laughed at his nervousness. Truly, what a thoughtful one.

“Onii-Chan is already kind! Does he want to keep being kind until grow up!?” Saki gasps in surprise. Tsukasa only looked down to the ground, unable to face anyone. Their parents only laugh at his reaction before their mother, who is sitting beside Tsukasa, pat his head.

“That's good. We know you will be, so don't stop thriving.”

Since that day, Saki has been back at the hospital and their parents continue working, barely at home. Tsukasa still stays at home and sometimes plays with Shizuku or Touya when they're coming to his home, but that's rare.

The gift that was given for him by ‘Santa’ was a nice unicorn plushie that he kept on his bed whenever he's going to sleep. He always plays around with the plushies at home, and the unicorn one holds a special place in his heart.

Years after years, Saki hadn't gotten better yet, and their parents were still busy working and visiting Saki, not letting Tsukasa come with them in fear he might get sick by the hospital. Christmas is no different, but there's still gifts for him under the tree by ‘Santa’, saying that he's a good boy for always behaving.

All those years made him feel lonely. He likes the gifts that ‘Santa’ gave him, but he wishes that ‘Santa' can somehow cure Saki's sickness, just so their parents can come home and they can celebrate Christmas. He's lonely, but even so, he can't be selfish.

Saki has been through worse, he can't be begging their parents to stay home because he's lonely. He's a good boy, and good boys don't beg their parents for something! Yeah! He's a good boy!

..is he really a good boy if their parents are barely home for him?

Every night before Christmas, their father always puts a gift under the tree for him. He doesn't know because he's always asleep, not realizing that their father always comes home when he's asleep just to drop the gift ‘Santa’ gave him.

All along, he's been Tsukasa's ‘Santa’, giving him gifts that he can keep for the long term and possibly being able to cure that loneliness that has been growing and rotting inside him. Their parents can't lie, they want Tsukasa to not feel lonely, to not stay at home alone where no one can keep him company.

That's why their mother teaches him how to play the piano, and their dad teaches him how to play guitar. Their family tree almost always has roots with instruments, be it anything that they can find, even making music online. That's why, they want Tsukasa to feel their roots with the instruments.

One night after visiting Saki at the hospital, their parents were about to put the gifts under the tree when they heard a sob. They know right away that it's Tsukasa who's crying quietly in his room.

Their father slowly climbs up, keeping his footsteps quiet before reaching up, where Tsukasa is crying in his knees with him hugging his legs close to his chest. Right beside him, is a sewing kit and an unfinished dress, possibly for Saki. The sewing kit is from one of their gifts for Tsukasa at Christmas when they became Tsukasa's ‘Santa’.

“They didn't come home tonight.. why can't they come home just once..?”

Right away their father knew it was them. He knew that Tsukasa was waiting for them. That alone makes his heart heavy with guilt. He knew that they barely pay attention to Tsukasa, barely at home, and only relying on calling just so Tsukasa won't feel like he's abandoned. But even so, maybe their effort wasn't enough.

“Santa.. Santa was kind enough to give me a gift.. but I want my parents.. I want Saki…”

That alone makes their father's heart break. Tsukasa was so lonely that he cried to himself and muttered one name that is always present every night at Christmas, that is them. Maybe they can bring Tsukasa with them tomorrow when visiting Saki?

But even so, he won't know that their parents are the ‘Santa’ that always visits him. He won't know at all.

And with that, their father slowly went down stairs, making sure his steps are quiet before facing his wife who looked concerned for Tsukasa. He can only shake his head before making a sign they should leave.

Even when they wanted to stay, they knew they had to leave Tsukasa to his own feelings. With heavy hearts longing for their older son, they leave the house quietly, leaving the crying Tsukasa with the gift ‘Santa’ left for him.

[kasaraku]

At least she's getting out of there. Slowly.

Bonus nenekasa below:

[kasaraku]

TW : Scars and clips on it.

The starters.

<- (bolder brightness) How it ended. -> (softer brightness)

I was aiming for something that made him look more alien - like. Glowy, healing in a weird way, having some body parts looking odd, etc. I also have an AU where he will live, but that's for another day. I also have an easier time finishing this since I don't really have anything to do for the hair other than making some parts of it glow.

I hope you like it!

[kasaraku]

I'm cooking.

What do we say about this chat???

(I need to make the other side darker.)

[kasaraku]

What the hell is happening here.

I'm seeing people mad and being overly weird with Tsukasa's popularity. I mean, sure, he's a boy and he's also cool, but to having to find out the fandom is misogynistic (I am too late for that), is downright making me want to just never know about this fandom at all.

What's wrong with people in PRSK rn??? I'm seeing Tsukasa as the least favourite in the fandom and always get into problematic things when they're someone who's a Tsukasa fan. I mean. Come on guys. Let peeps like us have fun. You leave our boy.

I mean, sure, I can see that people like Tsukasa because he's a boy, but the number of people I've seen that also likes to make Tsukasa a woman and wear feminine outfits are a LOT. Clearly, it doesn't make us falter about liking him if he were to be a different gender (maybe there's some, but I'm talking about those I've seen on the internet). Some say he wouldn't be forgiven if that's how he acts in the main story as a female, yet there's still a lot of people out there who still didn't forgive him as a male. They can get away calling their faves (boys mostly) ugly, annoying, 'hate', and other stuff, but girls not?? I've been calling my girls Mafuyu, Minori, and Shiho dying hamsters and dependant bitches, so seeing how people won't accept that kinda upset me.

Please, and I mean it, PLEASE, stop being a misogynist and actually try to learn about that character and why people like them. Don't just think about gender for ONCE.

(If there's a mistake, correct me.)

[kasaraku]

The way people talk about Tsukasa makes me want to murder people /neg

Somehow just because Tsukasa attracted the attention of the younger fanbase, people just have found themselves allowing to dunk on his fanbase because "how dare these 12 year old misinterpret a character that I don't even personally like".

Because yeah it's almost like young people can identify a darker part of a character but overexagerate it because the part that discerns nuance isn't even fucking developped yet. Or you know maybe it's just fun making angst, maybe they're just venting through Tsukasa ?

And somehow these people making angst are somehow more wrong than the people who just act as though Tsukasa is like the happiest guy ever with the least amount of struggles (because how dare he be happy, the only way a person can be struggling is if they're miserable 24/7).

Like it's wild it's somehow the same thing that happened to Sans, it's as though people don't realize that making a character have less problem than in canon is just as much of a misinterpretation than the opposite, you're not smarter for it.

No genuinely what's wrong with people, every other male oc fans get to do whatever and somehow Tsukasa fans are the ones that only enjoy his character cause he's a "dude".

I'm a Rui fan but it makes 0 sense to me how much of us just get away with more because ig it's more acceptable to make angst of rui ????

Like people say "wow people exagerate Tsukasa's backstory so muchh lol", like ok here are the multiple instances of Tsukasa flashbacks :

-Dazzling Lights

-Tenma mixed event

-Colorfes card

-Vocaloid World Link

Wow, yeah really short and rare Tsukasa flashbacks yeah....

And also people acting as though he was fine being alone at home are just straight up lying, like that is a lie the game literally tells you he's not fine blatantly in Dazzling Lights. And if you somehow needed more proof you can dig through the vocaloid world link, his colorfes card or even fucking side card stories.

There's no reason to talk about Tsukasa fans and how exagerated Tsukasa angst is i'm sorry, you're just being a bully and passive agressive to fans who want to have fun. The only time it's worth while to dunk on them is for ableism which IS a problem with Tsukasa fans.

Obviously I'm not gonna police you into what you should talk about but I just think it's really obnoxious and just kinda has been worsening the toxicity of this already radioactive fandom.

Also don't take anything in this post too personally this is just like a scream into the void about this fandom's behavior around Tsukasa.

I'm talking about this also because I literally saw firsthand how just kinda mean people are to others who just have fun.

[kasaraku]

I ❤️ self-loathing characters, characters who struggle with monstrosity (either fearing or embracing it), characters who are so lonely, who have a gaping hole in their chest, who bottle up & repress their feelings, who claw their way up & have ambitions, who fall down & lose everything, who search for identity & purpose yet can’t see themselves outside of what others want from or expect of them, who are hurt & hurt others, who long & grieve, who lie & pretend. characters who are messy & flawed & human

[kasaraku]

Tsukasa fans we're doom. He finally found out what a cheat day meal is.

[kasaraku]

I tried Ibis Paint X for this. I suck so hard.

(He's blind.)

[kasaraku]

I'm trying to learn how to draw, but I'm still not grasping the hand part...

[kasaraku]

I wanna try someone else instead of Tsukasa, and...

Before -> After.

I like to think that hairstyle as a messy little bush. I also like to think that Luka has a mole under her eye :D

(If you couldn't tell, I was lazy as fuck.)

[kasaraku]

I did it again for fun. Taken from someone's ss and I'm not too sure if it's fes hairstyle or knight hairstyle.

But I do want it to look evil >:D

Edit :

For comparison and the original!

[kasaraku]

I died and came back once more.

Tried my hands on editing 3DMV and uhh...

Before -> After

Additional thing :

It was fun and annoying, since it took me 3 days to finish it. Annoying that I had to mess around with things before finally found something good :3