katkathleentinay-blog

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sometimes all we really need is an inspiration.

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Highlights of my 2017

Lol i cant believe im doing this. Bored lang yata ako. Fyi, it's 3:45AM now. Hihi ok so how do i start hmmmm.

January, twas both a happy and sad kind of month for me. Happy because after 15 years I was finally got to see and celebrate the holidays with my mom again. Yes, you read that right, I haven't seen her for 15 years. Reunited and it feel so good 🎵

Nothing feels good than seeing your mom after being apart for how many years —and I thank God for making that happen. I was able to meet my sibs for the first time as well. Basta, no words could ever describe how happy I was that time.

Sad, because twas the same month also that they had to leave and go back to where they live. 2weeks ain't enough tho. I criiii 😭 Sepanx attack!!! And now we're miles away again. Hayy, that's lyf! But apart from that I am beyond thankful to God for everything. I am blessed, indeed.

June, i was bit disappointed this time because I thought im going back to school but circumstances didnt let it happen.

July, birthday month. Yay, spent my day inside the house. Walang hanash! Lol. I am feeling 22. Ugh, im getting older yet I still look like 12 yr old kid. Wew but of course grateful for another year.

Aug, tis the time that I don't wanna recall anymore. Felt like twas a nightmare for me. I won't go into details anymore lets just say that I had a health problems and it's quite serious. This was also the same month that I had so much realizations, specifically about how blessed I am. The moment I stepped in the hospital, I have heard different stories from different people. Have seen such diseases that I never knew existed. I realized that I should stop feeling ungrateful for petty things because some people in that place had gone so much through yet they remain strong. Such an inspiration.

Sept, my patience has been tested. Went back and forth to the hospital. The struggle of waking up at 3am, had to leave the house at 4am so we could go to the hospital early not to mention the struggle of falling in line for an hour and the waiting time before the doctor can check me up. Suko talaga ako. S/o to Mama Bing who accompanied me to the hospital for my check up four times in a week. Only the two of us knows the real struggle. Thank you for the sacrifice. Forever grateful for you. 😘

Nov, Ive made a decision that I actually prayed to God that I hope t'was right. 🙏 It was quite tough but I had to choose. All glory to God.

Dec, most favorite month of the year has come!!! Spent the holidays with the family, nope my mother isnt included how i wish she spent Christmas Day here again.

Ok, my deepest gratitude to the woman who worked so effin hard to provide her family needs. This year, you have spent so much money for me. I know this aint enough but still I would say thank you so much. I admire you for your generosity. I love you. I hope that I'll get to work so I could atleast help you and not asking for your monarks anymore, in that way atleast you can save more money for the future. Miss you! I'll be with you there soon lol im claiming it.

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Since I am kind of bored right now, let me just share to you what has been going on in my mind lately. I made this blog to express my feelings out baka sumabog ako pag hindi ko nailabas e. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t have someone to talk to about my kaemehan in life, it’s just that I’m not really into sharing my problems to people. I don’t want to bother them anyway. Hihi

You(reading this) may know me personally, have met me once, saw me from afar or I might be a stranger to you tapos nagawi ka lang sa account ko. Lolz. You guys prolly know that I am not physically normal. I have scoliosis. Scoliosis is the curvature of the spine. I have this since I was born. (If you have scoliosis and you really wanted your spine to straighten you have to undergo for a surgery, IF your case isn’t severe yet. I mean yes you can wear brace to prevent the scoliosis curve from progressing but it doesn’t really straighten your spine one hundred percent.) I am not gonna go into details anymore. I wasn’t aware about scoliosis until I reached 18. I never did some research about it when I was younger. I have learned so much that I wished I knew about it earlier when my case isn’t severe yet nasa huli pa rin talaga ang pagsisisi never talaga sya nauna. That’s when I found out that severe curvature of the spine might compress your heart and lungs. That made me worry cause I know in my situation I have severe case as well. Months ago, I had trouble breathing. It was very unusual. I had myself checked. I had xray. I was actually thinking that time that I dont wanna see the xray result for I might be depressed even more but I got curious so I still did. I went to Philippine General Hospital cause I badly need to get checked by specialists of the spine. I had several laboratory tests. Hindi ko nalang ilalagay dito kung gaano kahirap yung araw araw na pagpunta. We exerted too much time and effort annnnd of course money. Hindi naman porket charity eh hindi ka pa rin gagastos. Maglalabas ka pa rin talaga ng pera pero kahit papano nakakatipid. Most of the doctors told me that I should’ve done my check up when I was younger which means in my case it’s too late already. Matigas na daw kasi yung buto. I could even see the doctors facial expression everytime they check my laboratory tests. Hay kahit naman ako mapapailing ako e. But what can I do? 🙁 We’ve been going there for months already magiging doctor na ko kakabalik ko doon. Lol

Last week I went back to ortho for update. And then the one who checked me up wasn’t the doctor who handled me last time. She explained me everything, what are the possibilities and how risky it is if I undergo for a surgery. I might not be able to walk again. Though they’re not hundred percent sure but the risk in my case is quite high. Parang hindi ko matanggap sa isip ko pa lang na hindi ako makakalakad if ever. Ang sakit isipin. And if I undergo for a surgery my heart and lungs should be stable because I might lose my life if somethings wrong with those two. Hays when reality hits me.

And that she said that they might not do the surgery for me. Parang hindi ko magawang ipasok sa utak ko yung mga sinasabi ng doctor saken. I was feeling dazed while I was getting outside of the room. Too much why’s in my head. What if’s thought came in. I.just.dont.know.anymore. What if I won’t be able to walk again. What if.. What if... What if... Mamamatay na ba ko? Yes, ganon ako kalala mag overthink.. Hindi mo rin talaga maiiwasan makaisip ng mga ganon eh.

Should I take the risk? What would happen if I won’t? Lord tabang! Hindi ko alam kung ano pipiliin ko, kung san ako mas mapapabuti. Ano ba ang dapat gawin. Is it really too late for me? Wala na po bang ibang paraan?

There were times that I find myself crying. Ang dami ko pang gustong gawin. Sobra. Nakakaiyak. I talk to God every night. Asking for his guidance. I honestly prayed that I hope he would still give me the chance to live, to reach my dreams, go to my dream destination and still be with people I love. Tsaka hindi ko pa nga nahahanap yung forever ko eh. Lolz. But despite of everything I’m still trying to be positive I have to, blessed enough that my parents may not be with my side but I still have people with me that truly loves and cares for me. 😊

Proverbs 3:5-6

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No, I don't want to expect anything from you. Guess, I'll just stay here and go with the flow.

[katkathleentinay-blog]

I hope someday somewhere I'll get to see you again.

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"I wish I haven't met you cause since the day I saw you, you never left out of my mind. "

k.a.t

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These are just random thoughts.

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Kathleen Ann Tinay

I don't even know how to introduce myself though. Haha as if anyone else knows me better than myself huh.

I am 22, yes 22 na ko hindi lang talaga halata! Some people would think I'm just 15 😭 Grabe talaga kayo saken. Pag ako tumangkad who you ka talaga saken.

I studied Information Technology but I f-ing hate codes.

The Script and Coldplay is 💙

Nobody likes me

Guy who plays guitar is a big big turn on for me

Im a fan of Taylor Swift

Really wanna learn how to play guitar

I wish I could watch Aurora Borealis dancing in the night sky someday

I may seem quiet at first but once we're close you'll prolly hate my crazyness choz

Ambivert

Not that typical girl you like

Im a pessimist sometimes

Many people would say sayang daw ako 😏 Srsly tho

I made this blog eme to express and vent my feelings out whenever i have no one to talk to

Pluviophile

Fav genre of music is...... Alternative Rock

I believe that life is a matter of choice

[katkathleentinay-blog]

One day, you'll find someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.