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[kaytraendria]

Oh my god it just came to me!!

Pomme, Tallulah & Hope as Soldier, Poet, King

[kaytraendria]

Summary: Phil comes home to the Hardcore World with Rose's help after everything he's been through on Quesadilla Island and tries to cope with the emotional aftermath.

Hi. I'm coping well <- lying

Have some. Uh. Bittersweet sad angsty fluff of q/hc!Phil about it?

Reblogs would be super appreciated!

[kaytraendria]

Good game!

[kaytraendria]

Thinking about q!Phil's apology to Chayanne and Lullah again

Thinking about how he originally wanted to talk to each of them separately, one-on-one, but didn't even suggest that idea again once he saw Lullah on the complete opposite side of the room as him and Chayanne wielding his sword

How badly do you think that could have shattered his confidence? He mentioned that he had been putting off that talk for some time, so he must've been trying to build up the courage to say what he wanted and NEEDED to say to his kids about everything that happened with the Ender King's possession, and to find the right time for it

Do you think there's an alternate timeline where Phil immediately backed down from that conversation? Distanced himself to try to make his kids feel even a little safer? Decided it was a bad idea, or bad approach, or bad timing, just BAD all around?

How could he continue with his original plan when his daughter's looking at him with fear again? When his son is pointing a sword at him again?

Maybe he just writes and leaves them a letter instead, trying to do literally anything to make his kids feel even slightly more comfortable in what's supposed to be their happy little home

What else can Phil do for his kids when they can still imagine the evil king that took their dad so easily?

[kaytraendria]

wheres the modern au where phil and tallulah are supporting their twitch streamer family member chayanne who does cooking streams and plays games

[kaytraendria]

QSMP - The Curse of Immortal Love

Summary in which Foolish remembers one who is dear to him

Notes i wrote this way back during Purgatory 1, which is when this is set. enjoy the angst.

---

Foolish sits, perched atop the terra-cotta mountain that hid Bolas Rojas’ base. While it was only his second time up here, he had spent many a time perched in high places thinking about the exact topic he was thinking about now. 

His boyfriend, Leo’s other parent: Vegetta.

In his thousands of years of life, Foolish had never felt this way towards a Mortal person. Toward a handful of other Immortals, yes. But not a Mortal. Until now. 

Foolish slipped the gas mask off his face, closing his eyes, and inhaled the dusty, slightly acidic scented air. The islanders had been warned by their MDAs that the gas could cause a multitude of side effects, including, but not limited to: Difficulty breathing, Hallucinations, and Death. 

Foolish just wanted to see Vegetta again…

Even if their form was only conjured from his memories…

He wanted to walk hand in hand with them as the pair watched their little egg run ahead, chatting about anything and everything.

To forget that someday Vegetta would die and Foolish would be left… alone. 

Foolish slowly opened his eyes, deeply inhaling. Before him, a figure made of smoke constituted itself. Their skin tinted pink, and hair a deep purple, almost pitch black. Their beautiful purple eyes smiled with their lips, drawing Foolish’s gaze toward them. 

He reached a golden hand out toward the figure of his dear one, and they leaned in over Foolish, causing him to tilt his head back to keep his gaze upon their face.

“Mi amor…” Foolish could hear Vegetta’s voice purr. 

“Mi amor.” Foolish growled back, playfully. He reached a hand up, and lightly ran his fingers down Vegetta’s face. 

Vegetta gently cupped a hand against Foolish’s cheek, their other lightly tracing nonsensical patterns down his arm. 

And in that moment, Foolish felt like he was really, truly back with the one that held his heart…

But all lovely dreams must end, and as the wind picked up, it blew away the lovely figure of his love.

[kaytraendria]

I'm on the fence about a lot of the "glass child" discussion because where I agree with some points that are made and enjoy the in depth analysis, I've come to severely disagree with others. Mostly because the internet is the internet, and the nuanced discussion has lost that nuance.

The reason this whole thing blew up (though it's been a concern for a while, certainly) was when Phil explained why he felt he needed to save Tallulah first before Chayanne. And you could tell Philza was trending cautious waters with his wording - he never wanted to say "oh, Chayanne's a chad, he'll get over it." With his wording, he recognized that neither were necessarily fine, but he still felt it necessary to prioritize one over the other because of one of his kid's big issues: Tallulah has abandonment issues. Maybe they're not as bad now since the "official adoption," but it certainly shouldn't be disregarded. But Phil remembers how much Tallulah hates being left alone, and wanted to make sure she wasn't in that situation long. Phil knew at the of the day, that Chayanne had no severe abandonment issues (that we are aware of), hence him saying he'd be okay "a bit longer." The prioritization is still there, and the Death family still has much to talk about, but the fandom's reactions felt a bit too... harsh, a bit too severe. They'd make it sound like Phil didn't consider Chayanne's feelings at all or that he thought Chayanne was totally going to be 100% okay with being alone forever and ever. When there's more to it than that, and ultimately, Phil was stuck making a decision in a lose-lose situation, and he knew that.

But a lot of people seem to focus solely on this moment, and let it epitomize the entirety of the Death Family's relationship and struggles. When, if anything, there's additional moments from yesterday's stream alone that I think show some slow growth in Philza's parenting when it comes to him being overprotective of Tallulah and him expecting a protector/warrior out of Chayanne.

Because if Phil really thought Chayanne was a ruthless warrior who can handle anything and be fine and get over it, he'd have let Chayanne immediately join them in their journey of saving Richarlyson. Like "If we've got Chayanne with us, nothing can hold us back" or something. But he didn't. He wanted both of his children to stay back, to stay safe. But his kids insisted on joining, even if just for emotional support. And if Phil really was completely stuck in his old ways, he'd say the old "Chayanne protect your sister" when the mobs starting showing up, or hell, even before that. But that never once happens. Both of his kids fight, and he trusted that they could both handle themselves since they insisted on coming along, though you can see him check on both of his kids once or twice during the fight. If this becomes a persistent thing, it shows great growth in Phil's character when it comes to being overprotective of his daughter and having his son prioritize her safety above all else. It's become more of "keep an eye on each other," which is definitely the preferrable kind of thinking!

And again, I emphasize that singular moments should not be the sole focus of these discussion. Rather, the overall actions throughout should be talked about. And honestly, Phil made sure that a lot of his focus was divided between both of his children throughout yesterday. When Chayanne decided to stay behind while the others went to the beach event to keep an eye on an AFK Tubbo, Phil decided to "hang about with you, kid, it's alright," even when Tallulah was long gone. Like, he wasn't going to let his kid sit alone like that waiting! Or when he got the llama plushie during the treasure hunt, I'd honestly have expected him to immediately give it to Tallulah because animals=Tallulah, I guess. But he asked them both which of them would have liked it more, a genuine attempt to make sure neither felt left out in receiving the gift. Yes, these, too, are small moments, but if we wanna have a discussion about these relationships, all these moments should at least be considered, not just the negatives.

And to me, the kind of consensus to make in these scenarios is that the situation at hand is... complicated. Like, Phil's parenting is flawed, I'd be a fool to say otherwise. All parenting is inherently flawed, that's basic psychology or... just how humans work. However, through his faults, he tries everything he is able to to do best by these kids. So, with all these moments and more, it never sat right with me to say Phil neglects Chayanne. I can almost see the case for "emotional neglect" a bit more, but even then, I find some fault in that thinking. Yes, qPhil is neurodivergent af, so he doesn't get emotional context clues and needs these discussion to be upfront in his face (which I already went into depth here regarding the relationship these two have). Put simply, any "emotional neglect" Chayanne feels isn't necessarily from Phil prioritizing Tallulah, but more so where Tallulah is more open with her feelings which makes it easier for Phil to talk to her about them, Chayanne has rarely ever been someone who opens up about feelings, and when you couple that with Phil's lack of emotional intelligence, these issues clash. However, it's important to note that a while ago, Chayanne had an open dialogue with Philza about Tubbo's death and how it affected him, and Phil was responsive to it. It'd be one thing if he told Chay to get over it, but no, he was very honest and kind to Chayanne during their talk. And afterward, Phil suggested for Chayanne that, if he ever needs to talk, to have them sit at the pier outside of their house. He extended an offering to Chayanne for emotional discussions. It was a great way for both of these people who are terrible at talking about their emotions to come together and talk. It highlights how Phil is very much okay with talking to Chayanne on an emotional level, and he has, and he will continue to be. They're just... both bad at it, sadly.

Finally, I think it's important to clarify what a glass child actually is, and if it fits the current narrative. A glass child is a child who is overlooked when their sibling is facing some sort of disability that makes the parent give the sibling their full attention, and often has the glass child help out a lot. Initially, Tallulah very much needed extra care due to her "asthma" and the fact she wasn't a great fighter who could protect herself. Hence why Phil and Chayanne were so overprotective of her and put a lot of focus on her. And for the longest time, Chayanne was okay with it, because she needed that help to survive on this hellish island. It's just that over time, things changed. These characters changed.

So it's not really like that for Tallulah now, is it? Her asthma is no longer as bad (it still happens, though!), and she's gained a lot of fighting experience over time. She can hold her own in a fight. And Phil no longer keeps that much of a paranoid eye on her; i.e. again, yesterday's stream where, even when they were fighting end monsters, he never shouted for her to get away or for Chayanne to protect her. In the early days, if Tallulah was even allowed to join, he'd have her stand back and ask Chayanne to keep an eye on her. But that doesn't happen here.

So nowadays? No, I don't think Chayanne could be considered a glass child. Because those disabilities aren't as much of a hindrance for Tallulah as they used to, and Phil isn't as paranoid about them as before. I think the effects are still there, in a way, but it doesn't fit where the characters currently stand. Ultimately, I think there are several reasons as to why things are as they are even if Chayanne may not be a glass child in the present. The big one being that Phil's not entirely adapted to the changes his children have gone through.

Especially after Purgatory, his children have gone through a lot and changed in the process; Tallulah became more independent, and Chayanne kind of being tired of being a warrior and needing more emotional support. And since he wasn't there to witness that change and only saw the aftermath, I think it's a struggle for him to come to terms with them. However, that doesn't mean he's entirely set in old ways. He's trained Tallulah on PVP, and again, he's allowed her to participate in fights without being super worried. And as I mentioned, he has extended a branch for Chayanne to be more open with his feelings. These are just starts, certainly, but it means that Phil is open to adapting and helping both of his kids in any way they need. He just has to figure out what they need.

And let me be clear: I'm not disregarding the flaws in q!Phil's parenting. They exist, and Chayanne really needs to have an open discussion about how his emotional needs haven't quite been met as of recent, and Phil needs to be more open to have emotional discussions with Chayanne, even if to them, that's like pulling teeth. There's changes and improvements that need to be made. However, in talking about the negatives, it just seems like people think that's all there is. No, these flaws in Phil's parenting doesn't make him a bad parent. Because there are plenty of positives, plenty of decent growth here. There's love and respect and everything in this family. q!Phil is genuinely doing his best in a very difficult scenario: living on an island that is set on killing the eggs, and being a parent of two while basically being a single parent all while struggling with your own traumas. that's going to come with obstacles, it's inevitable, but what's also inevitable is how this family will work through them, and come out of this better than before.

[kaytraendria]

NGL the whole 'Chayanne is a Glass Child who needs Missa because Phil doesn't realize things' irrationally upsets me

It's almost always worded as if qPhil neglects his son just because he doesn't get emotional context clues (which, gross. Side eyeing you immediately if you put it like that). Which he DOESN'T. Are we not watching the same thing? Are we not all seeing just how precious Chayanne is to qPhil? Just because he doesn't do emotion talks unless it's right in front of his face doesn't mean he doesn't care

Chayanne doesn't need qMissa because qPhil 'doesn't get him' or 'prioritizes Lullah'. Chayanne needs qMissa because he misses his papa, just as much as qPhil and Lullah do

Maybe I'm just oversensitive because of all the Bad Dad Phil things that happened during the DSMP, but it just feels like it's falling down a similar line

[kaytraendria]

Tallulah looked down at her hand.

Certificate of adoption.

“Lullah!” She quickly hid the paper and sprinted back into the house.

She did want to tell her Papa Phil, but she was nervous. It wasn’t like the first time, Lullah remembers very well the day she asked Phil to take her in temporarily. He already had a kid, Chayanne, and she was just someone dropped off at his doorstep. She didn’t know what Phil would think or if he would say yes, but today she knows this will bring him glee.

So why was she nervous? Phil loved her, she was already a part of the family. Or maybe it’s excitement bundled into nerves. When Lullah first saw the certificate she couldn’t believe it. Finally, an official form to show who her family is.

Lullah knows who her family is. It’s been crystal clear ever since they’ve entered this new island. But something about the certificate makes it feel set in stone, it makes her feel secure. It feels like the last piece of the puzzle slotting into place. She gets to step back and admire the work and journey to finally get to this moment.

She gets to flaunt this certificate around, gets to be seen as Phil and Missa’s daughter by more than just the family. No more fighting for extra cookies, no more back and forth with the federation about their situation. Lullah knew in her heart she was officially part of the family, but every single reminder that technically, she’s not, felt like a prick to the heart. And now she has it, physical proof that this is her family. Something she can touch and see.

It’s silly really, it’s just a piece of paper at the end of the day. But she can’t help and read the words again and again. No one could ever doubt who her family is. Not the federation, not any outsiders, nobody. One last fuck you to everybody holding her back and tying her to her past.

This is her family, and this is where she belongs.

[kaytraendria]

Time for training 🤺

[kaytraendria]

Hello! I've been inactive due to the current events in the mcyt community, but I've been keeping up with the qsmp admin situation and I thought I'd share some opinions because the amount of doomposting I've seen the last few weeks has been more than I've seen in any fandom in a while and I feel like it's reached the point where people really need to chill the fuck out because they're not thinking straight and actively not helping. Everything I'm gonna say is based on stuff I've seen on both tumblr and twitter.

they should not promote/release merch! : one of the things that baffles me the most tbh; how do you expect any employee to be payed then? Merch is so far the only big source of income for the server besides q's own cc salary or whatever income they get through the official qsmp channel on twitch and youtube (which I don't think is a lot). "I get that they said they have no funds, but still it doesn't feel right"... sorry but at this point I don't know what to tell you, do you expect them to pull money out of their asses? You can't demand that they stop making merch and then complain that they can't afford the twitter admins at the same time. If you don't feel comfortable buying anything from them it's fine obviously, but if your reason for it is that you're helping the admins then I have bad news for you. I have seen people propose that quackity sets up a patreon, and while I think it would be a good idea, I understand why he's not doing it, since with the merch he can at least give something back to the people that choose to support his project instead of people just giving him money for free, especially with what's happening now. Also with how much hate he's been receiving simply for the merch I can't imagine that a patreon would be recieved well.

we don't know if the money is going to the admins/ they should not use pomme's likeness! : the money is definitely going to go to the employees and admins because otherwise the server would not last. And as much as I understand people feeling protective over pomme's admin, quackity studios is very much allowed to sell merch of the character because it is not the likeness of the admin, it's a minecraft model made by the people that work there. Would you have rathered they skip her character entirely? Do you really think that would have been okay?. Also correct me if I'm wrong, but I've seen posts and tweets saying that pomme's admin has been confirmed to come back with the other eggs whenever it happens by pierre, who talked with her admin.

the admins of the update accounts got fired, it means they want to fire everyone, they aren't making things better! : it sucks that the updates accounts had to end and I feel bad for every twitter admin that clearly cared a lot about the project, but unfortunately it had to happen if there simply isn't enough money to pay them adequately like they deserved and ultimately the update accounts were not essential to keep the project going, so it makes sense that they were let go unfortunately. This is not gonna be the case for the egg admins because if they got fired (which they didn't), the server would basically end. Just because a cc does not know when they will be back does not mean it's not gonna happen. Just because tubbo randomly said that he's not sure if they will be back does not mean they were fired; tubbo is normally not a reliable source of information, even less so when he's been live nonstop for the past 20 days, which is prior to everything happening. If you genuinely didn't expect a reduction in non essential staff considering everything, then you have unreasonable expectations on how this stuff goes. As I write this, I'm seeing people saying that "they would understand this decision if q had set up a patreon to pay the admins", and once again I don't understand how people don't realize why quackity might not be keen on the idea of having his fans pay his own employees for his own project instead of, you know, doing it himself; and, again, do not fool yourself into thinking it would be recieved well. That being said, it's fair to criticize how everything was communicated to the admins, but I'll get to this in more detail later.

quackity should not have uninstalled social media, he's trying to avoid everything! : he's not avoiding anything, he's been off social media for a while now, which is why it took him that long to remove wilbur from the server. He has every right to not want to look at social media, as his focus should be on restructuring his server instead of doomscrolling on twitter because people think he needs to see how much people dislike him. The only people that he should talk to are those that have important information to tell him, like josè with the document. He explicitly said on stream where to contact him if you have helpful information and I'm sure that despite multiple well liked posts saying not to spam his email, people are definitely doing it anyway, which is probably gonna slow the whole thing down even more. I hope josè's document is able to be seen with pierre's help as well.

quackity studios is not communicating with their employees and leaving them in the dark and that's not okay : I agree with this. i think a huge chunk of doomposting lately has been due the lack of communication not with the audience, but with the admins, and they deserve to know what is happening behind the scenes more then us since this is about their current or future job.... that being said, I do kind of understand why they're being so secretive and shutting everyone out, and that's due to all the "leaks" that have been spread online. I understand the anger but I really wish some people would realize that discussing leaked bts lore stuff in ccs discord servers does not help the situation at all and instead makes it seem like they're only doing this to rile up the fandom against quackity studios by using the lore of people's fav characters.

At the end of the day, I think people just aren't used to dealing with a situation that does not have a clear cut solution and someone to clearly hate, so the result is this doomposting and the over aggressiveness toward anything related to the project. Personally, I haven't witnessed anything that made me lose faith in the qsmp like some people have been saying, as every change that we've seen so far coincides with what quackity said on stream a while ago. I only wish things were communicated properly to the admins clearly, as they're the ones most affected, so I hope that's resolved soon. Ultimately quackity is singlehandedly restructuring the server from basically zero, has had to fire people that were misusing money and power and, depending on what josè's document said, is probably gonna have to fire some more. This is not an easy process, nor a quick one, you're not gonna hear about sunshine and rainbows for a while and doomposting about everything you hear because you expected quick change is useless. Think before you speak, have a clear head and most importantly have empathy.

[kaytraendria]

Qsmp! Tallulah Character Analysis and How it Relates to Pissa

It hasn’t been long since Tallulah fully accepted Missa as her dad but I honestly believe Missa healed her. And we definitely have enough context to talk about in length relating to Pissa.

Tallulah always felt like an outsider. Even when Chayanne and Philza accepted her as family. Her father Wilbur had to leave without any choice of his own. Philza in her eyes had Chayanne as a priority. She thought herself as a burden especially with her asthma. She always struggled with the idea people thought she was. They thought her gentle and sweet. Loves flowers. But she always been more.

I can see some traits in her that reminds me of Missa and Phil. Like I said before Missa is a bleeding heart that spills like ink. Tallulah is the same. She and Missa are the most emotionally intelligent of the family. But also the ink tends to stain her own hands. She has so much emotion in a small body. So she lashes out like any child would. And it can get ugly when she does.

This isn’t her fault. She is a child that has been through so much pain and trauma in such a short period.

Philza is a good father but sometimes you need a more gentle and understanding touch. And that is Missa. I truly think a part of her healed when Missa called her his daughter. As she was just chosen because he loves her. Not out of obligation. She was chosen.

Missa left right before Tallulah was left in his care. And when he came back. Philza immediately said he had another child. A daughter and Missa immediately accepted her as his daughter. Missa love is immense and non-conditional.

Tallulah though always thought of Missa as Philza husband and Chayanne papa. She never imagined he would have the same love for her. She always heard so good things about him. Primarily because Phil and Chayanne are similar and love deeply and quietly.

So that day in the prison when Missa said to her he always thought of her as his daughter. She was so happy. Even the fandom at large never expected this to happen. We thought there would be tension and conflict. Especially because after being gone so long in purgatory. She gained new emotional scars. And a want to not be coddled anymore. And she always been against anyone besides Phil and Wilbur considering her their daughter.

I truly believe she saw how much Chayanne and Philza loves Missa. That she grew to love him as well. Philza can’t stop talking about him after all. And he only has good things to say. But she didn’t want to take what she considered not hers.

But we didn’t get an idea of what Missa and Tallulah dynamic would be until recently. She was always sorta coddled by Philza and Chayanne and only recently has she started to be way more independent.

And what has been shown in Missa and her dynamic. Makes me certain she needed Missa. Missa loves her just for her. Not for any idea of her. That was the primarily reason she was always so against others adopting her. Philza and Chayanne she felt loved her out of obligation. (Not true and she has realized that now but it was something she struggled with.)

Or in the case of others. Loved her for the wrong reasons. Loved her mask. Not her truly. Wilbur was the only one that chose her. That loved her for her. Of course she struggled heavily with his absence. In a home she felt at times she was a stranger intruding into their home.

But Missa saw her. Without the mask. And he loves her for it. Missa didn’t consider her weak or something to be protected. She is strong and amazing. And Missa didn’t have an obligation to love her. The day he learned of her. He loved her. And he knew nothing of her.

Philza made her strong and ready to battle. She gained so much knowledge from him. But with Missa she can be his strong warrior. Not the protected. And that healed her. Death family loves each other so intensely. They love each other flaws and all. And that is beautiful.

Overall, she easily accepted Missa as her dad because Phil and Chayanne loves him so much. And Missa loves her just for her being herself. Flaws and all

[kaytraendria]

There's something I absolutely love about the eggs' sibling dynamics is how they've changed.

Tallulah went from being the little girl that everyone had to look after and protect to one of the most emotionally strong and strong-willed eggs. I won't forget how after Creation showed up at Philza's house on Valentine's Day Chay became deeply upset, I don't have the clip but you can see it from Phil's POV

We can see how Tallulah is armed, with her shield raised, on the defensive and stands between Creation and Chayanne. protecting him.

Let's remember that although Tallulah is not considered one of the veteran eggs, she is undoubtedly one of the first. I consider that Tallulah is one of the best eggs, she has her own personality, she has her changes, her defects and her virtues

I still remember how I went from being the little girl who had to be protected, to being a truly emotionally complex post-purgatory one.

Tallulah is still the heart, don't get wrong, she's just grown up and matured (she had character development xd)

But my favorite case is without a doubt Ramon-Leo-Dapper. They are triplets, they were really united eggs, Ramon and Dapper were generally seen playing (hitting each other) constantly and Leo was seen with them. Leo found comfort in her brothers after the death of Trump.

But not everything can last forever.

They are still triplets and they still love each other.

But Leonarda has her nephew Pepito, and her brother Roier and her dad Foolish, maybe even Richas because he is also her nephew (And she is currently among them + Sunny and Tubbo in the city of Fobo) she is no longer the extremely rich and a bit lonely one, she is still iconic and happy but now things are different. She has a lot more people around their.

The same with Dapper, the most important thing for him now is his newly revived father (which is not shocking at all, nope) and his little sister Pomme whom he loves with all his heart. Dapper is one of the eggs that has gone through the most screwed things (this egg has a longer list of kidnappings than hats) and therefore one of the strongest but above all hopeful with the idea that it will have peace in this new beginning.

Ramon, oh Ramon, you could make a bible just about Ramon, the relationship he had with Spreen and the impact that had on his relationship with Fit. How now he is no longer alone; he has two little hermanitas whom he adores; Sunny and Empanada, a big brother figure in Tubbo and two loving parents who love each other.

He went from being locked up to having sleepovers every night with his dear little sisters, spending the mornings in Tubbo's factories, learning single words in Portuguese with his dad Pac and going on adventures with his dad Fit.

If Leo were to place Pepito over his brothers (because sometimes he feels that Pepito is very coded as a little boy) it would hurt her bad, but they would understand because Pepito is Leo's family.

When Ramon came between Leo and Sunny, he didn't do it out of choice, he did it to protect his little sister, Diamond Girl, because Sunny is Ramon's family.

If Dapper could have chosen an egg to be freed from purgatory, he would not have chosen himself, he would have chosen Pomme, because Pomme is Dapper's family.

and that doesn't stop them from being family to each other.

[kaytraendria]

Why Pissa Works: Qsmp Analysis Essay

This is more of an analysis of the relationship in general and why it’s so important to understanding both Missa and Phil as characters. And it’s a disgrace if you ignore their relationship as it’s very important to their characters. I already delved into them as characters but I miss them and therefore I want to dissect the dynamic in this essay. And why it works so well. This time I am having some help from friends to give me their thoughts on them as well. As they are as “normal” about them like me.

At the start no one really knew what sort of longing and pining and loyalty that would spawn from what is practically a random lottery. Missa and Phil being together was fate. I think no other pairing would have clicked so well for Missa or Phil. They were sorta destined to be together to be husband’s. But no one could have guessed how important they would be to each other. No one would have guessed how important this random lottery would be.

When they were paired. They immediately clicked. They immediately joked and laughed. They had fun together. And that was the spark for their relationship to blossom from. They were THE couple. Everyone was jealous of them. They were disgustingly happy. And there was always a GREAT something between them from Day 1. There’s reasons why Chayanne and eventually Tallulah are so protective over their marriage. But even then, they were just cute. They didn’t have the extra something that changed us for the better and the worse. What really made Pissa so special. Until……

The four months of utter pain. Of yearning. Of everyone accepting that things might be over before things really could blossom. But it wasn’t the end for someone. It never was the end for Phil. Time is different for someone touched by death. “Phil is patient and doesn’t take breaks between meetings as difficulties. Their relationship will never sour. When Missa is there, he picks up where they left off.” an excerpt from my talks with Ash. And she is completely correct. I have mentioned this plenty of times in my previous essays about their characters. But Phil doesn’t mind he has to wait for Missa. Time passes differently for immortals. But also Missa just being Missa has long acquired his loyalty. Something hard to get but harder to lose.

And it’s because of Phil utter loyalty and willingness to wait that their dynamic really was able to bloom. Missa took his heart. The less Phil can do is wait. Because when Missa does Phil always has so much fun with him. Missa always reminds Phil why he stays loyal to him. Missa is JUST so good. Phil can see that.

Phil always had valid reason to move on from Missa especially during the four months. No one knew he would return. And he almost gave up hope by the end. But throughout the four months he mentioned him, he looked at skulls all sad, and he yearned for him. And when he came back? He was so happy. He never blamed Missa but you can tell he wants to spend time with him more. You can tell he missed him. You can miss someone being gone and not hate him. He just missed his husband.

“Missa also rolls with the punches a lot, when Phil says there's a new kid, Missa takes that and immediately bonds with Tallulah, when something crazy happens, Missa is there to eventually bring a smile to his family faces. They both don't get hung up on the craziness in between.” As quoted directly from my friend Ash. She is right. This right here is what changed the pissa dynamic for the better. Phil notices things and he noticed how kind and wonderful Missa is. Phil remembers others kindness.

Missa is always on his family side. Phil can depend on him always. So of course he is also Tallulah father. Missa was happy to take that responsibility. Missa is there to bring a smile to his family even in the rainiest of days. He is there when they need time to just enjoy living instead of surviving. Which is addicting to a man that only knew how to survive. Theres reasons why Phil fell for Missa.

Phil doesn’t verbalize his emotions. He is always a show not tell type of character. But it’s clear to anyone he adores missa. He stares at skulls missing him. He has his obession with giant Missa. He always has a place for Missa in his home. He collects Missa art like shinnies. He is so darn possessive of him. He loves Missa so much and it’s clear through his actions.

Missa also brings him great comfort in general. Missa is similar to him in the ways that matter but his complete opposite in other ways. Phil is emotionally repressed while Missa emotions bleed out like ink. Phil is skilled in fighting and surviving while Missa is best at music and art. Not skills you really need to survive.

So they always had this sweet dynamic and it grew with patience, with love, and a healthy dose of yearning on both sides. Enjoying each other when they are able. Soaking each other affection and love. But then Purgatory happened.

And they got spilt up. And this caused both to realize they just didn’t love each other. But they needed each other. Flaws and all. And that they definitely couldn’t harm each other. That they always been each other homes. They needed to separate to realize how important the other is. They both had their realizations. And post-purgatory we did see an uptick in very affectionate pissa.

And it was beautiful to see how their relationship has grown. But then Prison happened. And they fully showed everyone how much they care about each other. Phil and the kids just soaking Missa being present. Them being so happy despite in actual prison. Phil being possessive over Missa. Phil and Missa finally kissing (numerous times).

Purgatory may have made them realize they needed each other but prison made them realize they wanted each other. They wanted to be a family. They wanted to be happy. And it made both of them selfish. Which was they always sorta wanted.

They say I love you with every glance. They say I love you with every tired cuddle. They say I love you with every smile. They say I love you when they are watching the kids sleep. They say I love you protecting each other. They say I love you finally letting the others see them vulnerable. They don’t need to use words. They know they love each other. And that’s beautiful. No wonder why we are so “normal” about their sweet relationship.

[kaytraendria]

hiya medusa its been a while! im curious - as someone who has been watching phil for a while now, have you noticed anything specific thats changed with how he does rp/creates his characters? ive not had the chance to see much of his qsmp stuff, but i imagine having done various smps with various levels of rp/lore, there must have been changes to his approach

Okay so there have been two big changes from DSMP to QSMP that I've noticed. The first one is just that Phil is way more willing to do lore, and to tell his own story? In DSMP he was constantly deferring to whoever the writers were for the arc and never wanted to run over any of that, so he'd be really reluctant to join RP when it wasn't "official canon" and he'd be very careful not to overstep the bounds of the story other people had written. It was always lore being written by someone else— wilbur or techno or tommy or sam or dream— I think the syndicate end is the only one he actually fully wrote? On QSMP he's WAY more open with telling his own story. With the ender king possession arc that we just had, he just role-played for I think over two hours over two different streams, and that was a story he built collaboratively with the admins, but it was also one he clearly had a hand in himself. So I would say just the willingness to roleplay and tell a story is much increased. And he's using cinematics and special Minecraft skins and voice modulators— he's going for it!

The other change is uh, the gay roleplay and flirting. If you watch things like Hexxit Homies Phil definitely used to be more comfortable playing into the relationship rp, but on DSMP he was surrounded by minors or characters he was canonically related to or creators who didn't really go for flirting on-screen (techno). So all of that stopped. And then he went to QSMP and FitMC was there, and Charlie Slime, and Etoiles, and Missa, and boy. Phil flirts back/rps back now. And will say things like "stay away from my platonic husband!" and put his bed next to someone's, and pole dance on his husband, and tell FitMC he's stolen his heart, and talk about his cock with Etoiles, and much more. You can just tell that he has way less issue with the jokes and the implications now. Which honestly makes perfect sense, playing into gay rp with someone who can legally rent a car and who is clearly delightedly making jokes about it is not the the same as with a sixteen year old. To understate the situation slightly.

[kaytraendria]

bro I'm gonna explode

q!philza is always shocked when people build their houses next to him, move into his basement, trust his judgement and advice, trust him with their lives

MY BROTHER IN CHRIST

the new member's first memories of this server are gonna be how you gave them waypoints, then money so they could use them, then explained the bounty system, then swooped in like a guardian angel when one of the players was downed all by herself

AND EVERY NEW MEMBER IS TREATED SIMILAR BY YOU

ANYTIME ANYONE ON THE SERVER NEEDS HELP, YOU SWOOP IN, AVOCADO TOAST IN HAND

I just wanna shake q!philza by the shoulders and yell in his self-depreciating face "YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON AND YOU ARE LOVED!"

[kaytraendria]

birds and their wings

Okay, okay, everyone.

Here's my piece, aka predictions, for the Phil and his wings lore.

He's not getting them back. Or at least, he'll be the last one.

Why?

Because he wants them.

As far as I know, phil is the only one to be actively asking the federation, admins, and Cucurucho for the restoration of his wings. Not only that, I think while it's a very common headcanon or belief that Jaiden, baghera, and quackity have wings and are avians, and this is accepted by the creators themselves, they've never wanted wings. They've never asked for them. Correct me if I'm wrong, since I don't watch them often, but the other avians on qsmp are birdlike and like to be considered birds, but.. it's not ingrained. And I say these things in comparison to Phil.

Day one, barely into the stream when he was on the train, Phil talked about his wings and them being clipped. IMMEDIATELY addressed why he couldn't fly, because flying is utterly ingrained into his movements, his thinking, and everything he does. If he's not flying, there has to be a reason.

Fast forward, Phil's getting more into lore. All of his lore is about the eggs and the federation, or his wings. Being a bird. It's starting to show in everything he does, and it's purposeful.

He's perching more, when he's idle. He's always perched high in his hardcore world or even in qsmp, wanting to get the best viewpoint to see what's around him, what dangers there are, and get a look of the land. But, he's perching in places where he doesn't need to do all that.

In forever's office. On the wall, which he knows is safe and knows the surroundings of. Whenever he's idle, he will parkour and climb to the highest spot he can reach every single time, out of boredom. But it's an instinct, and it's one he's PURPOSELY tying into being a bird.

Another reason- he's more birdlike than all the other avians. It shows in his movements, his words, even his morals. He thinks like a bird. It shows in every part of his character, not just design.

Phil treasures nature and natural things over everything. He likes large open spaces. He perched and builds on the wall, and then he COVERS it in grass and transforms it into a place bustling with life and nature. Natural, wild, a place where animals can thrive and live, like a forest. Somewhere where a bird would flourish.

Not only this, it's in his hardcore world. Which we KNOW is canon. Everything he builds is connected to nature and wildlife, or at least large open spaces he can soar around. Endlantis? The sea and life taking over the barren end, and it's BRIMMING with plants and animals and growth. The ocean monument? Come on, self explanatory. Nethervoid? It's a void, barren of life, but he has pockets of life and animals within it. It's wide open, letting him soar through and admire it and fly without fear. The spawn islands? Literally pockets of floating life. The wall around his spawn? A artificial stone structure, cold and unforgiving, being taken over again by nature, weathered away, and covered in vines, trees, and moss. Life is everywhere.

Now, qsmp.

Jaiden shows Phil his wings, right? She says she just "busts them out", like she's had them, fully functional the entire time.

One of Phil's first questions is "can you fly yet?" Because that's the first thing he'd do if his wings were whole. Hearing Jaiden is too shy, he groans like he's disappointed before saying it's alright. He asks if she's always had wings. He says he's glad she's got her wings and that SHE CAN FLY AGAIN. After complaining of his own fucked up wings, and how he can no longer fly.

Phil adds more lore to his wings, and connects back to them again. He says that with the damage and the amount of feathers clipped, he has to wear the heavy backpack to balance himself, because he's so used to their weight. Now that it's off, he can't walk or move properly without that weight being fixed. It's such a natural part of him that he adjusted to, he can't live without them.

When Jaiden spoke of caging the birds she's found, Phil paused, and he got that hesitant joking along but please don't be serious voice he often uses, saying "You let them out of the cages though, right?"

He's concerned of the detriments of being caged, and how birds need to be free and fly. Exactly what he can't do. He calls the island a cage.

Now, all this MIGHT be because of the cage for a cage punishment, right? But I don't think it is. I think this instinct was already there, and that lore built onto it and got him to show it more.

He's mindful not of being trapped in a cage again, but the harm of being trapped and confined and not able to fly. We all saw how he went a little insane in that birdcage, right? Dreaming of hardcore, thinking he was in there for weeks, and how it left him shattered and unable to trust himself and his reality without outside assurance. Aka, the pheonix. He didn't call cucurucho out for fucking with him, he questioned whether.. it really was real, and maybe thats why he couldnt lasso it. He relaxed when cucurucho said it saw the bird in the picture, and still hung onto that moment and HOUR LATER, saying it was still fucking with him.

And in the birdcage. He saw all his fellow birds, imprisoned, and the next time we see him? They're all free. They're flying around in the little space they can, while he's grounded.

Outside of that, he croons over every bird and keeps it safe. But when it comes to running out of cages, he lets the birds fly freely again in the SAME stream he found them, instead of making new cages. He looks after them. He knows the importance of freedom, and that's why he's an anarchist, that's why he hated the elections and the federation, that's why he plans and avoids shit not only to keep his little fledglings, his eggs, safe, but to also save himself from being forced to make a decision via blackmail or threats. That's why he didn't enter the election in the first place. He's spiteful and treasures his freedom over everything.

What I'm saying is, his instincts, choices, and nature is tied to being a bird, and being part bird is tied to every part of him. Moreso than the other avians.

So what does this mean for him getting back his wings?

Well, he wont.

It's power over him, now that the eggs are gone. Not a threat, because those make him spiteful and prone to lashing out- uncontrollable.

It's a promise of what he could have, given he behaves. If he listens to the federation.

The minute he has his wings, he's free, there's no more power. He's too buffed as a player to have them taken away again, he's too interconnected with everyone, and everyone will rush to his aid if he says he needs help. They'll never be able to harm his wings, and now, he's too anxious and cautious to fall into a trap. He doesn't trust the federation in the first place, immediately assuming their goal is to kidnap people, and he DEFINITELY doesn't trust messages from the eggs/about the eggs because of the birdhouse. We see this with fit, because when fit tells Phil he got a message from his eggs, Phil IMMEDIATELY asks him if he's sure it was real. Light and cautious, he won't step on the trap again, and he won't let anyone else either.

So, they keep his wings away from him. Taunt him with them, with the idea of getting them, in order to keep them in line. Why do I know this?

Well, they've already started.

Again, Jaiden has her wings. Early on, she goes to Phil's house with them, and he sees them and REALIZES the federation is restoring wings, or at least allowing people to use them. Getting his wings back becomes a possibility, while they use Jaiden to parade that fact around.

Quickly after this, Phil starts to ask the federation to restore his wings. Immediately when he sees them come to his house (coincidentally, some time after Jaiden comes and with Jaiden there.) he asks for his wings. They laugh at him.

Phil gets a quest from cucurucho, the being he constantly curses out and hates on, and he TAKES THE QUEST. Because he sees he can get a reward- something that isn't set in stone or written down. Something he can bargain.

So he does the quest, and then when cucurucho comes to reward him, he starts to bargain.

"YOU WILL RECEIVE A REWARD."

"is it my wings back? JK you wouldn't do that"

"def worth it for the god apple. still no wings though, y'know. Still no healed wings.."

"BY THE WAY, DID YOU CATCH THAT SUNBIRD?"

"Yes, yes I did, thank you."

"GOOD JOB."

"Maybe repair my wings? Maybe repair my wings a little?" AND HE TURNS HIS BACK TOWARDS CUCURUCHO AND SH OWS HIM HIS CLIPPED WINGS,, "I can take off my backpack- oh, no, he's gone."

He turns his back to someone he knows has a gun, considers his enemy, and doesn't trust in the slightest. HE TURNS HIS BACK. In order to extend his wings and show them to cucurucho, show it the clipped ends, the most important part of him, as if to gain sympathy or further plead his case as "this is something that is broken, please fix it." To set things to right.

Cucurucho laughs, and leaves. No wings.

This leads me to believe that the federation will continue to ask tasks of Phil, because he is strong and smart and will get them done, and he will use it as a leverage tool of "hey, I'm helping you, why don't you help me?" And continuously ask them to restore his wings.

But they know that. And they'll say no. He'll do more and more.

Eventually, hell realize they're not going to give them to him. He's smart. Hell catch on. So what do the federation do to give him hope?

They give others their wings. They show him that there's a chance, because OTHERS are getting their wings, so why not him? He must not have done enough, it has to be a possibility. He can still work, and he can get them. He just has to do more.

Hell continue to work, because he sees it as a possibility. Subtly, they'll play him to be their strongest pawn.

And when he doesn't get his wings, even after all his work, I think he'll start to resent those with their wings. Jealousy turning into a little bit of hate, a little bit of bitterness at something so important to him being treated so lightly, not as priceless as he would see them. Not as treasured or appreciated. Hell be taunted with their freedom and how little value they give to it.

Everything recently has been trying to divide the islanders. Taking away their uniting goal, protecting the eggs. The create nerf scuffles. People working with cucurucho, their enemy, and foolish ratting everyone out. There's tension, and secrets are being kept, unlike before. But who's been allied with everyone, and who everyone trusts, despite it all?

Philza, with his honesty, plain to see goals, and lack of a motive or physical thing he cherishes over his friendships. There's nothing to use against him.

Until now. His wings. A way to create tension in Phil's life, a way to make him bitter, a way to control him.

By offering him his freedom, they'll be pressing him into a cage even smaller than before.

A cage made of glass, impossible for him to see.