kdraababy - Tumblr blog

[kdraababy]

[kdraababy]

finding the right words

to say is harder then a lot of the things i’ve done in my life. I know i love you, and i also know that my actions don’t always show that. I’ve got more problems then anyone i’ve ever met in my life, and a lot of unresolved emotions from my past that i need to work on with myself. So i can love myself again. I know i can be selfish, cold, and seem like I don’t care... but i just want you to know i do care so much it hurts me so badly every day to see you and I this way. I hate the unstable life i keep putting myself in. I swear I can remember it like it was yesterday the day I feel like we started to fall apart it was when you got arrested and told your mom you didn’t trust me I remember the ache in my heart so deep when I was walking home crying I got home made everyone leave and I laid there crying harder then I’ve ever cried before it killed me, I’ll never forget that pain in my heart it was like no other I love you and wanted to be your wife

[kdraababy]

“Don’t do anything by half. If you love someone, love them with all your soul. When you go to work, work your ass off. When you hate someone, hate them until it hurts.”

— Henry Rollins

[kdraababy]

story of my life

“She had never dreamed there could be so much pain in a life when there was nothing physically wrong. She hurt all the time.”

— Stephen King, The Shining

[kdraababy]

mostheartlessbitchiknow;

What kind of a monster could be so heartless just to shut down their babysister from any chance of closeness to a “normal” family.?Female version of Lucifer damn near barely begins to explain the evilness that lies in my “sister”. For someone who can be a big sister to people who don’t share the same blood, name, mom, looks, etc... Sure as fuck never gave me the time of day. Hated me since birth, I didn’t deserve to not have her. Being a lost sad lonely girl all by herself in this fucked up world I really NEEDED YOU. You never loved me nor cared. I would have done anything you asked me to do, I woulda killed for you, I looked up to you... Now I look at you with a level of HATE I've never felt so strong in my heart it’s saddens me that I ever had to feel this... but I'm so broken inside because of you. You are the fakest bitch that I know, I could never turn away my family like you did. you think your better then everyone and you run from your problems worse then a drug addict does. for fucksake you move all the way across the states to hide from them. you’re gonna end up just like grandma Vicki did.. I should have known letting you know I found MY baby sisters that you would be so evil to ruin their own opinions and cloud there heads with fake ass shit that you think that you know anything about when in all reality your so naive and have no clue but think you have it all figured it out. You’re a selfish, jealous, drama filled cunt. You have no idea of half the things MY mom, has been through you think you got her all figured out huh? WRONG. you don’t even know her, you couldn't ever live through a week in her shoes, let alone ever measure out to half of what she is. How dare you do that to your kids? they loved her and you keep them from her cause your immature and can’t handle the fact it’s not your way so you make them suffer and try to make it seem like she’s fucked off for leaving them when you couldn’t honestly expect her to live with you forever..hahah good joke she’d beat your ass after another couple months if she would have to stay longer. She has stage 4 cancer and it is slowly spread to other places... she lost all of her hair twice, she has a port that they inject chemo into her entire body thats in her chest and goes up to her neck... She lived in a tiny house with no warm bathroom while undergoing some of the most painful parts of her treatment with a smile on her face.. It took me a lot to get her to move in with me and stay with me and Grayson cause she’s so stubborn and didn’t want us to see her like that. Thats when she needed her kids most... Did you even give a fuck that the women who gave you life was going through that? probably not. how someone like you ever came from her makes me wonder how? I never understood a lot of things either when I was ten years old, and I broke a promise to myself, and to you that I'd never do drugs, but you know what it taught me more then you will ever learn in your entire life... I don't care how many books, websites, doctors, or tv shows you hear or see, you will never know what being an addict is like... once I became an addict I understood so much more about the things that lead up to everything that we thought that we knew about us getting taken.. by any means I'm not excusing any of it but you know what people make mistakes, and thats okay, because we are only human. and let me tell you how much my kids love her, and she's an amazing grandma... at least I know when she's not here anymore I never turned her away, and let my kids know their REAL BLOOD FAMILY. but I'm here to talk about me enough about my mom. when I lost both of my parents to prison, why weren't you there for me? why didn’t you ever love me? you just gave up on me so easy... I could never do that to you... I had to teach my self everything I know, from how to do my make up to how to pick out bras, to my first heartbreak, to my first pregnancy... you never were there for any of it.... I used to cry myself to sleep feeling so abandoned by you and even mom sometimes.... I had to get on anti depressants because my grandma Nicky was scared I was gonna kill myself.. why do you feel the need to ruin my life and try and make people think im a monster? please tell me one thing I've ever done wrong to you? to my niece and nephews that don’t even know me, to my baby sisters that I didn’t see for 17 years that you’ve turned against me... I didn’t have to tell them about you, that you were alive, I coulda said you were fucking dead like you have been preteneding I am to you for about 10 years now.... but I couldn't EVER DO THAT TO YOU OR THEM. but I'm sure that you could have done it to me, in a heartbeat and used some weak ass justification like “ your protecting them from the heart break you had to deal with”.. you don’t even have a heart so I know for facts you don’t know the half of what a fucking broken heart feels like. here I am almost 30 years and still crying over my “big sister” not loving me cause it still fucks me up worse then any pain you’ve ever known... you make me sick to my stomach I hate you for not being there for me, for not loving me.

[kdraababy]

I wonder if I have chosen the Path or the Path has chosen me.

[kdraababy]

You will have days where you feel better, and you will have days where you want to die. Both are okay. There is no magical cure. You just need to close your eyes, and trust that the waves will pass, and soon you’ll be able to breathe again.

Unknown (via thoughtkick)

[kdraababy]

We mature with the damage, not with the years.

Mateus William (via quotefeeling)

[kdraababy]

I understood myself only after I destroyed myself. And only in the process of fixing myself did I know who I really was.

Sade Andria Zabala (via thoughtkick)

[kdraababy]

Spend your time on those who love you unconditionally. Don’t waste it on those who only love you when the conditions are right for them.

Unknown (via quotefeeling)

[kdraababy]

Can one invent verbs? I want to tell you one: I sky you, so my wings extend so large to love you without measure.

Frida Kahlo (via quotefeeling)

[kdraababy]

She had never dreamed there could be so much pain in a life when there was nothing physically wrong. She hurt all the time.

Stephen King, The Shining (via thoughtkick)

[kdraababy]

You have to love somebody that much to also hate them that much, too.

Sherman Alexie (via quotemadness)

[kdraababy]

Sunset lover ღ

Puerto Natales, Magallanes & La Antartica Chilena.

[kdraababy]

The best way to know life is to love many things.

Vincent van Gogh (via thoughtkick)

[kdraababy]

"If I have to feel this forever, I'd rather feel nothing at all".

Memphis May Fire, "Sleepless Nights"

[kdraababy]

My sister told me a soul mate is not the person who makes you the happiest but the one who makes you feel the most, who conducts your heart to bang the loudest, who can drag you giggling with forgiveness from the cellar they locked you in. It has always been you.

Sierra Demulder (via quotemadness)