keenmarvellover

[keenmarvellover]

Marry Back In

I had an idea that made me giggle, thus it of course needed to be shared.  It is so thoroughly crack that other crack fics make fun of it.  I am sure you guessed but no canon was harmed in the making of this idea. And if it was, you will have to let me know. 

Jason Todd comes back from the dead, does his assassin montage, and comes back to Gotham to become The Red Hood. He does not attack Tim in Titans Tower, or even really dislike his replacement. He is pissy and angry at Batman, but in more of a ’You’re not my real dad’ kind of way. Jason does not want to be brought back to legal life, nor does he want to be adopted again. He wants to rule his crime empire with an iron fist, take pot shots at the Joker for being a failure of a clown (Jason personally reported the Joker for not having registered his face with the Clown Egg Registry and had the pleasure of watching The Joker get a beatdown from 25 real clowns in the middle of crime alley. Fortunately, The Joker was gone for a few months after that, unfortunately he was gone going through the steps to have his face officially registered so The Joker came back an official clown), and not have to deal with the Bats and Birds. 

Bruce desperately wants Jason back in the family. In any way possible. Like offering to bring Jason Todd back to life officially, or offering to fund and outfit Jason’s entire Red Hood gang. Just anything for his baby to be brought back into the family. 

Then when Tim is 18 (Jason is 19, not counting the time he was dead-which Jason does not), Jason flirts with Tim, mostly by accident. Bruce witnesses this and realizes if Jason marries into the family Bruce gets to call Jason son again.  Bruce ships JayTim so hard. 

Bruce sits down with Tim that night, checks to make sure that Tim is ok with marrying Jason (he is at least open to exploring that idea), and declares that Tim's new top mission is to seduce Jason into marrying back into the family. Tim (who still has both his living parents in this one) points out that Tim is a Drake and not a Wayne. 

Bruce ponders this obstacle for a bit, declares that he knows how to fix that and pulls Tim along with him over to the Drake house, Jack and Janet are home. Jack and Janet have long been let into the secret of Batman and Robin, along with the lengthy negotiation that let Tim stay a vigilante.  Thus they need much less explanation than most when a partially unmasked Batman and a fully masked Red Robin show up at their door where Batman proceeds to propose marriage to them both. 

NOTE: Bruce would certainly never ask one of his protege’s to do something he was not willing to do.

Bruce explains that if They (Bruce and Jack and Janet) get married, Tim could be Tim Drake-Wayne, so marrying Jason would bring him back into the fold.  Bruce does have to insist they have an open marriage, since Wonder woman would kill Him (Bruce) if he had to stop showing up at the monthly JL orgy (I really like ‘work hard/play hard’ for my superheroes) and superman would cry. 

Tim thinks this all seems needlessly complicated.  

Jack and Janet (already in an open relationship, have slept with Brucie Wayne-both before and after finding out about Batman- the occasionally having sex gives a good excuse for Tim to spend a significant amount of time at Wayne manor as his parents are friends with Bruce) are intrigued. Jack does feel compelled to point out that legal (and it would need to be legal for Tim to take on the Wayne last name) marriage between more than 2 people is possible in New Jersey. 

Bruce, very deadpan, says that Bruce, Jack, or Janet have enough money and clout individually to have Poly marriage to be legalized in Gotham specifically by the next day, could have it on the ballot and voted as legal in New Jersey by the end of the next state election.  

The Drakes agree to marry Bruce, but only if there is some big spectacle of a wedding with courting by Bruce (specifically several instances where Brucie dramatically cries out how well he could take care of them to Janet, while Jack gets several very visible over the top romantic gestures) as payment for them staying in Gotham for the amount of time it took to plan the wedding and get married; honestly they all thought things were getting a bit boring in the elite circles. Bruce also agreed to fund three expeditions, get them in touch with a variety of Justice League members (Aquaman, Wonder Woman, Martian Manhunter, among others) for the purpose of them being able to practice Archaeology and History with cultures and species they would not be able to otherwise, and get them into the Justice League with associated civilians quarterly orgy. 

To be fair, Bruce would have done all of these things either way. 

Alfred starts planning the wedding immediately. He has been waiting to have a wedding for his son since before Dick was adopted. He also starts researching, and contacting any magical based person he knows, to see if there is a way to bring Thomas and Martha’s spirits from the hereafter for a day, to attend the wedding. As far as Alfred is concerned this is an amazing opportunity that also has the benefit of giving Tim, and possibly Jason, the Wayne name. 

There is an actual, ongoing fight between Selena Kyle, Harvey Dent, Clark Kent, Oliver Queen and a number of other people (both known rogues and unknown heroes) about who got to give Bruce away. I just want you all to know it is generally known in Gotham that roughly half of Gotham rogues had been a friend, dating, or having sex with Brucie Wayne. It is assumed that Brucie is not aware that many of his flings ended up on the wrong side of the law. 

NOTE: In this universe there was a point where WE had to put out and official statement that any attack on Brucie Wayne would piss off most of Gotham’s rogues and all of the Vigilantes (which would piss off the rest of the Rogues-Joker does not care either way about Bruce Wayne, but he does not like Batman's attention being on anything but the Joker, which inevitably happens when Bruce Wayne is injured). 

This entire process has the added benefit of doing real, psychic damage to the various children and junior heroes involved.  Dick only stops fake gagging at Bruce’s gestures when it is pointed out that at least the Drakes are not Talia Al Ghul (Later, when Talia appears with Damian, Janet and Talia meet. No one is sure if they want to fuck or kill each other, or possibly some strange combination of both but the entire process ends with Talia telling Damian that he is allowed to call Janet ‘Mom’). Tim, in accordance with his own mission, uses the unmitigated trauma  of being forced to realize all three of his parents were having sex with each other to bond with Jason (who is bewildered as his parental trauma is distinctly different).  Steph now has to fend off adoption attempts from all three. Cass gets two new parents that love fashion and also love to ply her with pretty things to wear (I like the thought of the Drakes both being fashionistas, and also Cass, who was treated as a weapon for so long, gets adults in her life that like helping her look pretty-There is something compelling about the idea of Cass finally feeling safe enough to wear something that she cannot fight easily in). 

The wedding is a spectacular spectacle that turned into a festival lasting 5 days 

Tim and Jason do start dating and eventually get married. Tim had long since admitted to Bruce’s plan. 

Jason insisted that he and Tim would take on Janet’s maiden name rather than Wayne. 

Janet laughed for days at the pouting from both her husbands.

[keenmarvellover]

babe are u okay ur crying about closeness lines over time by olivia de recat again

[keenmarvellover]

today i learned that the finnish word for ‘hazardous waste’ is ongelmajäte, which can also translate as ‘problematic garbage’ and my roommate and i immediately agreed this is a word that belongs on tumblr.

[keenmarvellover]

Today's high schoolers romanticizing 2016 as if there weren't the clown incidents

[keenmarvellover]

basically, i think the general rule of thumb is: if someone REALLY wants the blood that’s inside of your body, and they’re like… a vampire, or a dracula, or some sort of mansquito, then that’s probably okay. a dracula and a mansquito are made for removing things like blood and swords from inside your body. that’s basically fine.

if something wants to get at your blood, and they’re, say, some kind of murdersaurus, or maybe a really big frog, that’s where the problems start to arise. a really frog is not made for removing blood, and your blood knows this, which is why it is so vehement about wanting to stay IN your body instead of coming out. 

unfortunately this will not deter a really big frog, because a really big frog is full of things like prizes, and value, and quite a lot of hatred, and it would REALLY rather like to replace any and all of those things with your blood, and basically by any means possible.

[keenmarvellover]

Jason: *touches garlic while making pasta* Jason: Jason: fuck, I meant to do that with gloves on Steph: *watching* why? Jason: now dick’s gonna refuse to be in a room with me for the next week. He’s got a fuckin’ ridiculous sense of smell Steph: surely— dick: *walks in* Jason: Steph: dick: *walks back out* Steph: damn, okay

[keenmarvellover]

full offense but tam fox understands tim drake more than anyone in the batfamily ever did

[keenmarvellover]

Bruce being sooo Creature™ as drawn by Kelley Jones

[keenmarvellover]

Super non-chalant caption, I am so chill about posting this comic that took me ages.

Anyway I am so proud of how this came out- definite skill upgrade. Also I love making comics!!!

[keenmarvellover]

[keenmarvellover]

TV APPRECIATION WEEK 2025 | Day 2: Newest TV Obsession ⤷ The Librarians (2014) | Eve & Flynn being married w/ children (the LITs)

[keenmarvellover]

I'm sorry, professor, I consider publishing your course a day late, having a mandatory live zoom meeting during business hours to stay enrolled for an asynchronous class, and requiring students to use a $60 ***pdf*** that you wrote as their textbook to be exceptionally unprofessional and since I've still got 14 days to get a refund I'm totally not paying $150 to take your class.

Also, for all the newbie professors out there: a syllabus is not just a greeting and a list of assignments. If you haven't given your students AT LEAST your office hours, your late work policy, and your preferred method of being contacted, then you have not given your students a syllabus it's just sparkling announcements.

But really. Sir. SIR. You teach Speech 100. This is one of the most basic classes with like, 20 of the most widely available accepted textbooks and you want me to pay sixty dollars for a pdf of a book that you rewrite every semester so that there are no previous editions?

Buddy this is interpersonal communication, not introductory rhetoric. Why is one of your *four* total assignments about Socrates?

Maybe it's the fact that I've taken Spch 100 interpersonal communication three times already, maybe it's the fact that I grew up with somebody who taught Spch 100 interpersonal communication from 1981 to 2018, but buddy what the fuck are you doing?

"Some of our lectures will only be available for 24 hours so it is up to you to stay on top of it."

Friend, you are teaching an asynchronous online 100-level class at a community college during a pandemic. Get off your high horse, a third of your students are probably parents. There is no reason whatsoever to limit access to course materials to 24 hours unless you are doing it to be a controlling asshole.

Also YOU published your class a day and a half late! You don't get to publish your class late with an incomplete syllabus and tell students to "stay on top of it." Especially not since that means that people have two fewer days to buy your PDF textbook and only one full day to prepare for your mandatory 1pm on a Tuesday zoom meeting!

Why do you require me to have access to a printer for an online class? Oh yeah it's because you expect me to print out and draw on sections of your $60 ebook.

SIR. No thank you.

Kids, new students: this is a level of bullshit and disorganization from a professor that you do not have to put up with. This is a neatly ordered series of red flags that say "this professor is going to be absolutely unbearable."

Also *any* humanities class where your whole grade is 4 assignments should get serious side-eye. You should be able to pass most 100 level humanities classes by just turning in weekly assignments. 4 assignments means that by the time you figure out how the professor grades you're probably close to halfway through the class. Look for classes that require weekly participation as a major chunk of the grade because that way, even if you fuck up a project in a major way, just showing up can save your ass.

[keenmarvellover]

The pencils breaking into smaller pencils

And why they treating word pencil like a slur. Reblog to scare ai losers away 🤭

[keenmarvellover]

The best resolution to a missing persons case ever was that developmentally disabled person who walked off in 1986 saying he "wanted to be a cowboy in Texas", starting a twenty-one year search for him on the assumption he died somewhere in the desert or was murdered, only for everyone to discover that he had spent those decades working as a cowboy on a ranch in Texas. Missing persons investigators rarely consider that maybe they achieved their dreams

[keenmarvellover]

don’t piss me off. you don’t know who you are messing with.

[keenmarvellover]

every now and then I am reminded to my great chagrin that my mother is funnier than I am

[keenmarvellover]

Let my boy Tim have a drink. Let him get drunk. Let him spend his money on alcohol. Let him get crossfaded legally with the money he earned. Let him go to the bar and wake up with a goddamn headache and a glass full of regret.