kelloggs-unofficial

[kelloggs-unofficial]

Oh yeah, wanna note: there ARE also plot elements I'm still proud of, that I never showed off. Oops, I forgot I wanted to mention that, lol

Semi-Official (Semi?-)Archival Notice

Hi! Original blog creator speaking. It's uh, been a while, huh. I know we only ever had like... 4 followers, but I might as well give those 4 followers closure.

You see, I genuinely kinda burned out on this blog, and forgot it existed. It was a short-lived burst idea, this blog was made out of impulse and was kinda doomed to fail. It doesn't help that this blog was definitely not original, and was actually heavily inspired by @/nottherealajhq (not tagging them because I don't want them to see this dumpster fire). Not to mention other official blog inspirations, like a specific Twitter blog that I believe larped being chased by Elon's drones??? I forget.

In retrospect, there's a lot I would've done differently if I were writing this blog now. I would've written my characters (J.S., Tyler, Violet, Smithy, and Kellogg's Virtual Assistant were all my characters) a lot differently. While I like Kellogg's Virtual Assistant and Violet well enough, J.S., Tyler, and especially Smithy felt very... weirdly written in retrospect. Tyler's eternal rage makes me giggle to this day, but J.S. being so out of it (for lack of better term) and Smithy being so... how he is, I'd rather rewrite.

Uuuh, but, yeah. If any other folks wanna run a Kellogg's Blog, I can move this blog to a new URL, just send in an ask!

[kelloggs-unofficial]

Semi-Official (Semi?-)Archival Notice

Hi! Original blog creator speaking. It's uh, been a while, huh. I know we only ever had like... 4 followers, but I might as well give those 4 followers closure.

You see, I genuinely kinda burned out on this blog, and forgot it existed. It was a short-lived burst idea, this blog was made out of impulse and was kinda doomed to fail. It doesn't help that this blog was definitely not original, and was actually heavily inspired by @/nottherealajhq (not tagging them because I don't want them to see this dumpster fire). Not to mention other official blog inspirations, like a specific Twitter blog that I believe larped being chased by Elon's drones??? I forget.

In retrospect, there's a lot I would've done differently if I were writing this blog now. I would've written my characters (J.S., Tyler, Violet, Smithy, and Kellogg's Virtual Assistant were all my characters) a lot differently. While I like Kellogg's Virtual Assistant and Violet well enough, J.S., Tyler, and especially Smithy felt very... weirdly written in retrospect. Tyler's eternal rage makes me giggle to this day, but J.S. being so out of it (for lack of better term) and Smithy being so... how he is, I'd rather rewrite.

Uuuh, but, yeah. If any other folks wanna run a Kellogg's Blog, I can move this blog to a new URL, just send in an ask!

[kelloggs-unofficial]

The only thing we have to eat here is cereal btw!

come join us!

[kelloggs-unofficial]

hey so uhh i may or may notve accidentally dropped something in one of the cereal batches

[kelloggs-unofficial]

Do. Does anyone remember this account. Guys???

[kelloggs-unofficial]

God fucking DAMN IT, JADEN.

[kelloggs-unofficial]

hghhhh... at this point im gunna be anemic... ok dont eat all the strawberries next time, me..

[kelloggs-unofficial]

..Huh, the bot believed that. Thought it was smarter. -Violet

[kelloggs-unofficial]

Hi, I’m your Kellogg's Virtual Assistant! Welcome to Kellogg's.

We have officially hit 100 posts! Thank you for your participation, everyone! It is very much appreciated!

[kelloggs-unofficial]

The funny thing is, I’m starting to get jaded.

It’s funny, but no it’s really not. I think I’m psychologically scarred from having to tend to the… new Applejacks mascots. (Imagine me shuddering in horror as I type that. Because that’s what I did.) I mustn’t speak further of that, because otherwise I’ll have a nervous breakdown again and I’ll never finish this post. Not good.

Anyways, I’ve also seen the former shells of the original Applejacks mascots. Found the server where the assistant helping the upper management monitor this blog is stored. Might do something with that.

No I won’t. Maybe.

I’ve also found a bunch of discarded cereal recipes. Out of the recipes deemed “unfit for production,” there is a recipe for an American release of Miel Pops (including more sugar and honey than I’m comfortable with, at that point it’s just pure sugar), Snap Crackle Pop (the infamous vent cereal made with spines that Smithy apparently eats? I don’t know I caught the fucker eating it like it was his first meal in months but it didn’t even make a small dent in the supply which is scary because he had to have consumed at least twice his body mass), and a cereal for vampires entirely made with blood, which was rejected for obvious reasons. Maybe Merlin proposed that, but the recipes are entirely uncredited…

Anyways. I also found some stuff I shouldn’t of found and I did not look at it. Maybe. I put it back. Maybe.

Anyways, if I can finish this last bit of Smithy’s paperwork, I’ll probably report more stuff. For now, busy.

-Violet

[kelloggs-unofficial]

For the record, I’m doing relatively decent. Just busy. You know, doing unpaid labor in a dangerous building full of eldritch gods that’s in the motherfucking sky.

Par for the course. /s

Anyways, I’m changing my signifier, since all-purple text isn’t very accessible.

It’s a work in progress, so if it changes that’s why.

-Violet.

[kelloggs-unofficial]

to the 2 week training thing not the 2 month one for clarification :(!

[kelloggs-unofficial]

OH SHIT??? OK UH I'LL GO I'LL GO

we'll make cereal thats 100% dried strawberry and 0% cereal next!

[kelloggs-unofficial]

Hi, I’m your Kellogg’s Virtual Assistant! Welcome to Kellogg’s.

Not recalling your hiring process (including your 2 month unpaid training) or how you got to our headquarters is very common! Do not be alarmed. The training is ingrained into you, and you have no use for the recollection, so your brain may discard the memories, or bury them. This is not indicative of anything concerning and is normal.

You have 3 minutes until you are mandatorily signed up for a mandatory 2-week long re-training program. I am obligated to inform you that you should make it quick. The employees never come back from their 2 weeks the same. It is strictly forbidden to speak of what happens during the mandatory 2-week long re-training program. Failure to comply will result in you being sent back for a mandatory 2-month long re-training program.

Fun facts about our mandatory 2-month long re-training program!

Our employees have learned well enough from their first stay that only two have been sent back!

The last time our mandatory 2-month long re-training program was put into use was 60 years ago!

There is no way to return to normalcy after going.

Our staff there are happy to help us! Not you, though.

we'll make cereal thats 100% dried strawberry and 0% cereal next!

[kelloggs-unofficial]

DUDE I WAS JOKING???? WE'RE ACTUALLY JUST GUNNA HAVE 100% STRAWBERRIES WHAT???

we'll make cereal thats 100% dried strawberry and 0% cereal next!

[kelloggs-unofficial]

I need to eat an entire raw steak. Like, right now.

Help.

[kelloggs-unofficial]

Hi, I’m your Kellogg’s Virtual Assistant! Welcome to Kellogg’s.

It appears you have forgotten the rule against leaking new cereals, Hyde.

Please deliver yourself your supervisor and consent to another training seminar as accordance to Employee Code Of Conduct Rule #200, or I will have no choice but to sign you up for a mandatory 2-week long retraining program, as accordance to Employee Code Of Conduct Rule #506.

we'll make cereal thats 100% dried strawberry and 0% cereal next!