kelpgreenling

[kelpgreenling]

ur body remembers u were supposed to be an animal

[kelpgreenling]

If i dont [experience pathologically concerning sex act] within the next [arbitrary time period] im going to [federal agency watchphrase]

[kelpgreenling]

I see those "every family has that one cousin who's severely mentally ill", but considering how my mom once made me promise not to tell the extended family that I had attempted suicide a week before my cousin's confirmation party (like they literally picked me up from psych ward to attend it, I changed from hospital clothes to party clothes in a truck stop bathroom on our way there) because "it would just upset people for no reason", I'm starting to suspect that some families are 100% mentally ill but everyone's pressuring their kids to not show any symptoms in front of the big family in order to save face.

[kelpgreenling]

“don we now our gay apparel” is a great line in our current day. put on your faggy little outfit cunt

[kelpgreenling]

white people have the sauce sometimes and dont even know it

[kelpgreenling]

wish the human body had like a crash log or something so I could pin shit down. Why am I having a sudden spike of anxiety when I’m just sitting here? Well it looks like there’s a conflict here between my medication and the better foliage mod

[kelpgreenling]

affirmations

i am a complex organism brutally engineered by uncaring forces of nature

i am a product of billions of years and trillions of deaths

i am building a machine greater than myself

i am able to make phone calls and appointments

[kelpgreenling]

“no one else can save you” ok cool well i don’t want to do it. i do not view myself as worth saving anyway. godspeed

[kelpgreenling]

for a minute the world seemed so simple

[kelpgreenling]

i made this fuckass table in spore [2008]

[kelpgreenling]

space museum catalogue :?

[kelpgreenling]

tribute to jerboas

[kelpgreenling]

[kelpgreenling]

Top 5 most diabolical footjob locations in Skyrim

5.

At number 5 we have Witchmist grove. Not only is it inhabited by witches, but a hagraven also stays here sometimes. You can even marry her if you get drunk enough. The floor is littered with bones and feathers, and it is surrounded by a wall of corrupted totems from the idolatrous witches inside. Absolutely horrendous location for most activities really.

4.

Coming in at number 4 we have the Sacellum of Boethiah. Not only is it overrun with crazed cultists, but the whole location is decorated with sacrifices. This location would be higher if not for Boethiah herself who would absolutely respect anyone brave enough to get a FJ here. Still, an absolutely diabolical location for all but the bravest adventurers.

3.

Here at number 3 we have the Falmer torture chamber in Irkingthand. Not only totally overrun with Falmer, but the chamber is still in use. There is a spine on the table and a Falmer village just outside. Also a smelly dead guy on the rack. Really one of the worst FJ locations in Skyrim. Absolutely rancid.

2.

Coming in at number 2 we have the literal Deadlands of Oblivion. This is the closest thing to the seventh circle of hell we can find. Flesh sacks made from the punished decorate the sulphur laden soil, surrounded on all sides by oceans of lava. The sky is literally on fire, and there are high level daedra around every corner. While we find the gate in Skyrim, this hellscape lies outside of our world entirely, a testament to its high placement on this list.

1.

And for the number 1 most diabolical FJ location in Skyrim we have Honourhall Orphanage. If arrange a FJ here, you’ll have to go to prison for ages. Absolutely, without any doubts, the most diabolical FJ location in Skyrim. Not only that, but even if you manage to avoid the kids, you’re still in Riften, so you’re 100% guaranteed to be pickpocketed and stabbed on the way out.

[kelpgreenling]

this level of luxury is simply unmatched