keofii - Tumblr blog

[keofii]

Anxiety isn’t sweater paws and having someone hold your hand, give you a pep talk, and suddenly you’re fine. It’s throwing up before the first day of school. It’s being too scared to talk. It’s walking into a store and your entire body is tensed up, except your hands, which are shaking. It’s not being able to make friends because when you say nothing, you come across as rude, even though you’re too afraid to talk.

Depression isn’t a tragic quote and a pretty model with mascara streaks down her face. It’s not a beautiful sadness that feeds your creativity. It’s your parents begging you to get out of bed, or go to school, or do your work. It’s not taking a shower for so long that your hair is flat to your head with grease. It’s loosing or gaining weight rapidly. It’s loosing joy in the things you love. It’s sacrificing your creativity to the hole in your chest. It’s having scars on your body that you will one day grow to hate, no matter how pretty you think they are now, and will do anything to cover them up

Anorexia isn’t a thin model with a perfect body. It’s hard to be beautiful when you look like you’re dying. It’s having hollowed out cheeks and eyes. It’s constantly needing a sweater, even in summer, because there’s no insolation in your body. It’s growing layers of fuzzy hair to make up for all the fat you lost. It’s being so hungry, and frail, and weak, that you can’t walk without passing out, or you’re fourteen and told if you don’t stop your heart will give out.

Bulimia isn’t a pretty girl demurely turning down a cupcake. It’s stinking of vomit. Your teeth becoming yellow and corroded away by stomach acid. It’s a sore throat from throwing up so much. It’s your stomach lining burning away. All on top of the symptoms of anorexia.

Bipolar Disorder isn’t moody teenage girls. It’s being on top of the world. You can do anything. It’s being so full of possibilities that you can’t even sleep. And then, after a while, maybe weeks or maybe months, it’s like you’ve been sky diving and you’ve hit the ground. Depression hits you hard and fast, and you’re left on your knees.

Stop romanticizing mental illness. It’s not whatever pretty picture you have in your head.

[keofii]

here’s to the people who’s trauma did not give them thick skin. the ones who became more sensitive and insecure, who cry more easily, who get overwhelmed at small things. i’m so tired of the narrative that trauma makes you tough and untouchable. we’re survivors, not superheroes.

jules rylan @radiantbutch (via emotionalabuseawareness)

[keofii]

VENT 

changing my name to my middle; to jo bc fuck it so pls only refer to me as such[if you happen to know me irl esp]. I just think that my real name is super trashy /common,   its a name that my abusive father picked out so really this is all a big fu towards him bc so he cant control me anymore :’) i’ve been going by my middle name since the end of 2019 to protect myself from him and a stalker I had that was my ex besti, so my online nickname will be my middle name. my mother is supportive of my decisions to want to cease contact with him and encourages it as he has stalked me before which resulted in me deleting all my media and blocking him completely out of my life. 

don't worry i’m completely far from him and no longer am in contact with my ex friend I have moved further away from my hometown,  its been years since I had any physical contact with him but i do once in a while get worried he’d try to show up at my home as thats what he used to normally do when I still lived near him and his side of the family it made me ill to the point I had a mental breakdown after he left, but I didn't post this for attention I rly don't care for discourse but I just rly needed to vent about it bc he’s just another piece of garbage who gets nothing but a slap on the wrist and thinks the whole world is against him and just never takes accountability for his own actions or thinks of how they affect other ppl and he still doesn't get the fact that I hate his guts so much so i’ve changed my surname and want to change my first name.. :’) its quite sad how abusers really just dismiss what they did and expect everything hand fed to them..