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[kepsu]

The birth

Hello, my dear readers! ✩ I hope you had a wonderful Christmas, New Year, and the beginning of the year. I traveled to Lapland, where I grew up for my first five years. Enduring polar nights is hard enough, but what I went through the day I got there was much worse; I had a flare-up, a nasty one, too. Luckily, they are rare to me, but they still happen occasionally. I had my first flare-up two years ago, which also affected me mentally.

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It was spring. I was going through a transformation. I had a gym membership and changed my hairstyle each month. I finally felt hopeful again, but that hope faded when I started experiencing daily bloating. I was in pain, but I thought it would pass, so despite the pain, I kept eating the foods I usually ate.

One day, I went to the market to buy food when an awful thing happened in the queue; I couldn't pay for my groceries. There wasn't enough money in my bank account. After putting away a few items, I managed to buy something, but I felt humiliated the whole ordeal. I felt the weight of people's stares as if they could pierce through me. Back at home, I collapsed into my bed and wept. Who wouldn't be worried when they have under 10€ in their bank account? I took my worry to the next level; I blamed myself for spending money and even thought about starving myself so I wouldn't be a burden. Starving was an excuse to avoid eating because of my ED. The stress and misery made my cramps worse.

During this painful period, I lingered in bed and visited the toilet frequently. I even skipped school when it felt impossible to get up. I remember how all the pants I wore hurt, and when I had a 4-hour train ride, I had cramps the whole time. I had pain everywhere I went, from everything I ate. Before I got my diagnosis, I was afraid of all the possible diseases, but especially cancer, which still scares me because I'm scared that it would eventually kill me if not diagnosed. I was worried about how it would affect my body. My poor body that I didn't respect enough and loathe even more to this day. But this was supposed to be a new era for me when my body would change into something I had always dreamt of. I wanted to be fit, but my stomach would never be flat.

When I told one of my acquaintances about my symptoms, she said it sounded like IBS. I hesitated to get into tests, but luckily, my friends kept pushing me, so it was over quickly. The results confirmed IBS, and despite everything, it was a relief. I could've had something much more serious.

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After the diagnosis, I was very strict about my diet, and this lasted for a long time until it became unbearable. I have eaten trigger foods, for example, naan bread and dishes with onion, but I have done it while knowing that they will cause a flare-up. My flare-ups are luckily rare, and if I'm mentally well and in a positive environment, I might not even get any symptoms! But that doesn't mean I'll start eating whatever I want; I must always be cautious when cooking or ordering food. That's IBS for you: unpredictable and a real pain in the ass. ✩

[kepsu]

REBLOG IF YOU'RE AN ACTIVE 3D BLOG IN 2025 TRYING TO FIND MORE MOOTS

[kepsu]

hey…🥹

if you’re an 3d account please reblog this!! i need more mutuals<4

[kepsu]

Feel good

It's incredible how sweet the comments on my first blog post were. I was sure everyone would ignore it, which would've been fine, but you heard me instead. Thank you all! Hopefully, November hasn't been too rough on you.

I've eaten better. My older sister's visit for a week was a blessing food-wise. She prepared delicious meals each day that suited my diet!

I'll share healthy, low-FODMAP recipes for everyone to enjoy this time! Since my last post was heavy, I'm writing something light-hearted. Enjoy!

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Energy Balls

Gluten-free • Lactose-free • Vegan

Ingredients:

• 100 g (1 cup) oats

• 130 g (1/2 cup) peanut butter

• 80 g (1/4 cup + 1 tbsp) maple syrup (optional)

• 26 g (1/4 cup) ground almonds

• 1 tsp vanilla extract

• Pinch of salt

Instructions:

1. Mix all the ingredients in a bowl until they combine well.

2. Use your hands to roll the mixture into small balls.

3. Let them chill in the fridge for half an hour. I placed mine on a plate, but any tray works fine.

4. Once chilled, they're ready to eat! Store them in an airtight container in the fridge, which will last about a week.

Peanut butter is the key! Could you make sure you have enough? I ran out while making mine, and the balls turned out dry. Energy balls are an excellent snack for cravings—just be mindful of allergies!

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Banana Oat Cookies

Gluten-free • Lactose-free • Vegan

Ingredients:

• two ripe bananas

• 36 g (1/2 cup) oats

Instructions:

1. Preheat your oven to 175°C (350°F).

2. Mash the bananas with a fork until smooth.

3. Add oats to the mashed bananas. Optional: Toss in nuts, seeds, or berries to jazz them up!

4. Scoop small portions of the mixture onto a baking tray lined with parchment paper. Flatten slightly with a spoon.

5. Bake for 10 minutes. Let them cool on the tray before tasting these quick, easy delights!

This recipe is for you if baking feels unfamiliar and you like something sweet but care about healthiness! Banana oat cookies were my go-to recipe years ago, but I stopped making them because I overdid it. Still, they're sugar-free and great for when you have extra bananas lying around. Why not give them a go?

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And there you have it! Two effortless, quick, and delicious recipes from yours truly. I always aim to respect my body's needs when cooking or baking, but sometimes, indulgence is okay. I recently made cookies with non-lactose-free chocolate. We've got to live a little.

You can change these recipes however you like. Just avoid anything that might harm your body. Also, I'm no expert in measurements, so I apologize if something doesn't add up.

Let me know how you liked the recipes. I hope everything tastes terrific. You deserve the last bite, primarily if the food benefits you. See you in the next post with new shenanigans!

[kepsu]

Would you listen?

It all dates back to junior high school. In the girl's dressing room, I scanned everyone's physiques and compared them to my average teenage body; I felt an error in my mind. Why did they have a flat stomach and a gap between their legs? Around that time, I began to think differently about my body, especially the belly pouch. Next, I noticed how every celebrity was beautiful and skinny. My gaze always went to their bellies; they were flat.

I remember watching Fade and Chandelier music videos in envy because my body didn't look the same as Maddie Ziegler's or Teyana Taylor's. Luckily, I was only jealous and didn't drastically change my still-developing body.

I tried to stick with diet and workout plans during high school, but these plans lasted only briefly. For the first time, I received comments about my body that left me feeling glum. During this time, I switched to a gluten-free diet. I was often bloated, which is typical for everyone, but it was also a sign that I was living with a particular issue that could later affect my life.

Three years ago, my jealousy turned into an obsession. I had a different mindset: I had to lose weight to look better. Still, that was a happy time because it felt stimulating to stay healthy. I ran about two or three times a week and did workouts regularly. I stuck with a healthy diet and had sweets only on Saturday. My skin was glowing, I was toned, and I felt wonderfully happy! But something has gone wrong since then.

If my obsession and I once lived hand in hand, I got pushed down to the ditch at some point, and now I can only watch as it takes control over my mind like a foggy mist.

In the morning, the first thing I do is work out. I follow the routine for a few weeks and then start a new one. Every Saturday is a candy day. I don't eat enough; sometimes, I do so much that I loathe myself. The balance is long gone; all that is left is a mess, also known as an eating disorder.

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While my mind has been tangled in the struggles of ED, my body decided to add another challenge—Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). I've been battling a sensitive stomach for a long time, and last year came the long-anticipated conclusion: I have IBS. It would've been enough to have just gluten intolerance or even lactose intolerance, but no—I hit the jackpot and now have to avoid multiple triggers.

If I were to die right now and choose my final meal, the list would go on and on. I've had to give up so many favorite foods. My symptoms were excruciating at first, but once I started a strict Low Fodmap diet, the storm inside my stomach calmed down. Some weeks pass without issues, but then there are days when I linger in pain.

I joke about wanting to trade guts with someone, but there's truth in it. I've learned to live with the cramps even though they're uncomfortable. But the endless visits to the bathroom and the burning aftermath—that's the worst. It feels like you're pushing out your whole existence, and what's left is a weary shell.

IBS and ED together? It's a hell of a combo. Physically, it's exhausting, and mentally, it's draining. I've felt revolted and socially withdrawn and have struggled with harmful thoughts on my worst days.

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The hardest part? You can't always tell when someone is struggling with ED or IBS. I think, in my case, people don't know—or they do, but they don't mention it. I've told a few people about my hell, but I hate feeling like a burden when I do.

I'd say yes if someone asked me to eat out or order food. They don't know, but those are the magic words I've been waiting to hear because I don't eat alone. Left unattended, I keep myself busy and ignore my rumbling stomach. Deep down, I wish someone would force me to eat. I even felt victorious the day I didn't eat for 24 hours. And, for some reason, I torture myself by watching videos of people eating.

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This is where my story begins, and it's still ongoing. I'm stuck right now, but I hope this blog will give me a much-needed push in the right direction.

As we move forward, I'm shifting the focus to more positive topics, like recipes and tips for fellow IBS warriors, and hopefully, sharing helpful insights from my journey.

Thank you for reading, and welcome to my world. Stay tuned!