keshaspeaks

[keshaspeaks]

Meet me at the helicopter and bring a shitload of duct tape. I'll explain later!

[keshaspeaks]

R.I.P Mosh pits....😢

[keshaspeaks]

Fun fact: McDonald's changed their french fries in 1997 and no one said shit. 👀

[keshaspeaks]

There just isn't enough cyanide in this coffee. Get it together Starbucks.

[keshaspeaks]

I'll sleep when I'm dead. Oh don't worry if I over sleep my manager will dig me up to work my double on Saturday, so he doesn't have to close.

[keshaspeaks]

"Sorry I'm so random."

Someone who really isn't that random

[keshaspeaks]

“thats not very lady-like of you”

[keshaspeaks]

I'm running for president in the next election. First order of business change the national anthem to "Praying". You are Welcome America!

[keshaspeaks]

So it's settled my first child shall be named Pinot Grigio

[keshaspeaks]

I want a time machine just to go back and make sure every school in the United States has Strawberry Milk as an alternative.

[keshaspeaks]

Fall in love??? I can't even fall asleep!

[keshaspeaks]

SLEEP. It’s what’s for dinner!

[keshaspeaks]

Save money on a hotels by sleeping in the drive ways of Celebrity homes for sale.

[keshaspeaks]

When he sticks it in the wrong hole and your all like "it's not my birthday yet!"

[keshaspeaks]

Life hack: Call in a fake bomb threat to the theater to get out of a bad movie.

[keshaspeaks]

Butter is soooo underrated!

[keshaspeaks]

Shark returns home after 873 appearances during shark week.

"I'm back fishes!"