keylebbb

[keylebbb]

I've learned to accept the fact that I'm never gonna be him. I'm never gonna be that someone, someone you would love, someone you would share stories, someone you would call at 3am and tell him you miss him. I'm never gonna be him, and it's okay, it's okay.

[keylebbb]

Am I not worth it?

[keylebbb]

dead inside

I don't even know how I'm breathing right now. Everything is just black and white. I died. I died with the memory of you. I don't know if I can smile again. I don't know if I'll be able to love another soul again. I don't want to. I don't. I am fucking hurt. I am torn into pieces. How could you? We're no longer together but you fucking hurt me. I didn't even know until now that it was possible. A person hurting you even if you're no longer together. The dreamer in me died. The lover in me died. The romantic in me died. I don't know how to get up. I'm being stomped over and over again by some force you created. I'm dead inside. I would never be the same anymore, I know that I won't be. I'm aware that love would hurt. That pain is the consequence of love, but I never knew it could be this bad. I'm dead inside. You killed me. The thought of you being with another soul murdered me, it decapitated my heart into pieces, not knowing the day when it will be picked up. You murdered me.

[keylebbb]

Warmth

The skies are dark and gray, clouds are about to pour, finally, it’s raining. You feel drained from work, life, and endless anxieties that cripple you when it attacks. But sometimes, or maybe not sometimes, most of the time. That person’s warmth against your skin is the only thing you need to feel whole. Not just any person, that one person who matters in this cruel world, that person who constantly makes your day, makes you smile, laugh, sad, cry. Yes, that person who messes up your day is the only one that could make it up too. Haha sounds pretty cliché but that is the truth. Being in love is the best thing ever, I mean, it’s just not about the feeling of being in love or just having someone that would stick with you through thick and thin. Love is the best thing ever, for me, I don’t know about y’all but I will always take risk’s when it comes to love. And fair enough, that warmth you feel with that person, it keeps you sane, it keeps you going, it keeps you, alive.

Short and easy one, happy weekend

[keylebbb]

The time of the month where your emotions are all over the place. I used to think that only women experience this, but here I am, contemplating my choices in life. Thinking if I made the right decision, doubts, what if’s. I hate it, this feeling.

[keylebbb]

Handful

It scares me sometimes. If I’m being a handful. If I’m too much. I’m scared that I’m asking too much attention. I’m scared that I’m overthinking. I’m scared that I’m overloving. That it will come to a point that you want to get away from me. To leave me. So, if I’m being a handful, please tell me. Don’t leave.

[keylebbb]

What’s good ladies and gents? It’s beeeeeeen an absolute minute since I wrote here, I kinda missed it thooo, so yeah. Shall we talk about love? Hahahaha or ya’ll too tired of my endless rants and thoughts about love? Well bad news for you I’m still gonna be writing about love cuz that’s the only thing I’m really good at, the only thing I love doing, love..

Soooo yeah, what about love this time? This time it’s about finding that someone who you would want to share a future with. It’s about finding a love that is calm, a love that doesn’t boast, a love that is pure, a love that is genuine, a love that feels like home and not just a temporary place to stay when you are lost.

I found a love amidst all the chaos and uncertainty that is happening around me. A love that never left my side when I am at my lowest. A love that sticked even when I am not loveable.

That love never left. That love made me feel like It’s home when I’m with her. That love assured me that everything’s gonna be okay. That love supported me in everything that I’m doing. That love made me feel that I am worth the wait. That love waited. That love stayed.

I had baggage's, I had reservations, I was dead scared. Scared to love, scared to risk. But when I decided to love that love back, I decided to let go all of my fears and baggage's and reservations that I had experienced before. It’s not fair for that love to suffer the consequences of what happened in the past. That love does not deserve that type of love. A love that has reservations, a love that has fears, a love that has uncertainty. That love is not entitled to that.

And now, I wanna give that love the love it truly deserves. The love it was supposed to be receiving. I am ready… ready to love again. Ready to love those imperfections. Ready to love all those scars. Ready to love all those flaws. I am ready now, love. To love you with all that I am. To love every bit of you.

I love you, I love every part of you, my love.

Cheers to the greatest love I found. Cheers to you. 🥂

~ Graphics from Pinterest ~ Isabel Oliveira ~

[keylebbb]

I came up with a realization in the middle of the traffic. sometimes you need to appreciate the time you spend on the road cause admit it or not, it’s more dramatic when we contemplate in the middle of a traffic jam at 7:30 in the evening, with your playlist on repeat forever and the streak of red and greens flashes on your face while you rethink of saying what you really feel, or if it was the right to thing to say, it is or was it the the right time, will you get another chance? why did you waste your only chance? why can’t that person love you back? are you heartless to not love that person back? what’s the problem? Are you the problem?

 HOLD UP AND BREATHE.

love shouldn’t be figured. at least for a person like me who likes everything well expounded love shouldnt be on my list. it seizes the moment, the magic of waiting for what’s coming next is what makes us love, love. And that right there is heartbreaking. cause somewhere in the middle of expecting, waiting and not wanting anything in return, or you just plainly don’t want to assume and conclude with what or how love makes you feel is really confusing if you ask me. That’s why we try to figure things out to at least come out gracefully from relationships and all cause we’ve known enough stories to know it is that painful. Of course if you aint no masochist, i assume you wouldnt want to hurt yourself without even trying to prevent to not get hurt. Always gotta put up a fight, yes? It’s like, trying to explore a world without any means of navigation, without having any map, it’s hard when youre all clueless so we try to find ways to find more ways. It’s dangerous but hey that’s exactly the point of love. (I sounded so dreamy) no need to figure out, no need to have any prejudgement. you just have to let it flow through and you gotta learn how to wave with it. Love is self discovery. from toughing up saying yes to whatever what you feel, It’ll guide you through a series of immense pain and also forever-like happiness all at the same time and fret not, it’s not just to play with your feelings but it was built for you to enhance and to grow more as an individual for you to be somehow well equipped for that person that was made to tolerate your being. so like i always say for the past years when it comes to love.(i just realized i have been writing for three years now) Let it hurt. And from there find reasons to be grateful about things, then find the courage to gain strength one more time to love again. That’s all that there is. So let it flourish when you have it. let your being be used by love to be a channel of greater things, blessings! Be selfish and selfless about it. Don’t go halfway, never give it half hearted, be very protective but still have a heart to feel for people and if one deserves the love, give it your all.

[keylebbb]

This ain’t a love letter

I’m over and tired of writing about love.

I’m done fantasizing this dream of dissecting every corner of this love world but still, I’m clueless. Yes, love would break you, but imagine the happiness it would bring to you. Pure joy, gratitude, contentment. It gives you the strength to wake up (i know it sounds a lil bit corny) but hey, it really has the strength to pull you up in your bed cuz you’ll be having lunch with that special someone and you gotta be there at least 20mins before and when that person ask you you’d be like “i think we almost got here at the same time” just to make it more cheesy and dreamy like those romcoms. Yes? Yes.

[keylebbb]

May the 4th be with you, always.

[keylebbb]

“I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough..”

— Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

[keylebbb]

[keylebbb]

I guess there will be times that home won't feel like home, but it doesn't mean we leave. It could be a whole lot of pain and mess, and we fix what's broken to keep home from falling apart. Cuz just as much as we need home, there will be times that home needs us to be home too.

[keylebbb]

[keylebbb]

Love? Love...

I guess sometimes love isn't about fancy dinner dates or expensive gifts, sometimes it isn't about being under the moon and pastel skies with his hand holding yours. It isn't about kisses when you fight or gift and flowers to make it up for that mistake. Maybe sometimes with the right person, love isn't always cliché. Maybe it's about late night roadtrips then you'd stop at a fast food chain then laugh ur asses out while eating and munching that McDonalds french fry. Maybe it's going to the groceries together and carrying the stuff she bought for the house, or maybe add a chocolate to the cart just so you can give it later. Or maybe it's about listening to her rants sincerely when she's upset and going through stuff. Maybe with the right person, love doesn't always have to be cliché. Maybe it can be as casual as being friends, but you'd still feel the same. Maybe it can be as simple as a plain white t-shirt that you'd still love to wear, anyway. Maybe with the right person, love will just be, love... With you Baby, it is love.

[keylebbb]

Maybe I'm just really hard to love.

[keylebbb]

Love, love, love

I still have no idea on what love really is, love is such a complex feeling. One moment it can make you feel genuinely happy, all of a sudden you'd feel like the world is crushing your heart. One thing i learned about love is waiting, yeah you heard that right. Imagine waiting long lines just to grab your favorite food, the food you've always loved ever since you're a tiny little human being. You wait diligently just so you can have a hold of your favorite food. Love made me feel it's complexities right now, like the world is crushing my heart into pieces, i am very torn. I'm numb. I can't even feel a thing. But one thing is for sure. I'll wait. I'll wait diligently for that person. Till the day comes that we can be together, it's a long process I'm telling you folks. But it'll be worth the wait. She is worth the wait.