keysssskeymacc - Tumblr blog

[keysssskeymacc]

Today is the day of acceptance, walking away, learning that bonds can be made to be broken. I Love Me, I Appreciate Me, I Accept Me, I Protect Me, I Trust Me, I Treat Me. I want to get in tune with myself learn to love, love for myself to become a better woman for me and my child making not the right decisions but the correct decisions. What you feel is right, have to make sure it is correct. After that i had made my final decisions I finally accept me to protect me. What ever the next step god has planned for me I trust it for me. I have to love me and appreciate myself to let love, love me because I’m so down on myself. I have to remember to treat myself with flowers 💐 and roses 🌹 while I can still smell them for myself healing, my peace, my space, and lyft my spirits. A mind is terrible place to play and a gut is hard to ignore. I will not let my mind trick what my gut feels again. I want to in a space of pure peace, mind full of happiness and courage, and most importantly feel good about myself. They say when you feel good you look good. I don’t want to be in this dark place where I feel scared to make a move for a better me. It’s time for me to finally heal me, make me stronger than what I am because all I have is me to hear. Last relationship is my last for life, I will not put myself in another predicament like that again, thinking this is what o have to accept and deal with when all in reality in the real world once I opened up my eyes, I don’t have to deal with it. Bonds means nothing if you don’t have anything to remember them. If there’s nothing to look back at on than there’s nothing to remember. So it was never a bond especially without a piece of silvanear to look at to remember the bond. Loving myself and knowing myself is what I have to bond with first before I let anything else that happened in this last relationship with my next. Once I feel happy I can make whoever god puts in my life next happy. I just pray the next is the best for me and especially my kid, I can not let my kid see his mom not get treated like a queen 👸 she is. Don’t want him seeing nothing but happiness and joyfulness and that’s all because it’s his world 🌎 I just have to make it perfect for him to grow knowing what’s right hand wrong. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️👩‍👦

I’ve learned how bad I wanted it and to work, it just had to end sometimes it’s good for the both 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

[keysssskeymacc]

2020 has come to an END...

2020 has come to an end, and an ending of many things since this pandemic 😷. I’m very grateful that I made it this far, and my health is good 😌. Wish I can say that for my heart though. Right now my heart ♥️ is bleeding 🩸 heavy.I have to choose what is good for my heart, knowing my worth. Didn’t have a father growing up, so my lessons are taught to me the older I get. And the older I get I realize that I have father issues to the point where I dnt trust no man, and no man can’t make me happy, because the doubt I continue to put myself in. I try to be happy, but how can you be happy with the one you thought that would be better than the last is turning to be part of the past. I already don’t feel like I’m good enough because of issues deal I with in silence, and dealing with someone that will never change, will put that icing on the cake to feel more deep in it. In today’s society I’m the type of girl that is barely attractive. Maybe it’s just me not feeling I can be attractive. And feel a guy can’t be into me, how I want him to be. Maybe I just keep dealing the wrong type of men, in my life. I want to manifest a happy relationship in 2021 that will bring nothing but joy to my son and I, that is healthy for my son environment. I truly hate arguing I’m already too young for a high blood pressure, so I just want a peaceful relationship. Reasons why I decided to open up chakras, to balance out my body to bring peace and positivity to it. Ever since I started opening my first two a lot have been just unraveling I guess for me to listen to my body energy and realize what I should not continue to be going through the same thing over and over again. I don’t have a father to run to talk about problems that a dad can help you out with so I have to find ways that will help guide me in certain situations. At the end of the day a mother is a mother, a mother can’t truly be a father, because sometimes you just want to hear a father’s voice. Like I see in movies and shows father’s help their daughters to be mentally strong to deal with certain situations. Like self esteem for example,fathers help build a daughter confidence to take on anything that comes her way, in the things she chooses to do. I never had that in my life so my confidence at times is at an all time low and I happen to shut down a lot and struggle with the things I truly want going for in life. I only got one thing done ☑️ on my list so far, sometimes I feel like if I had a dad in my life I will be much further and happier most of all would not be in certain predicaments iam in today. You can’t find your dad in a guy your dating especially if you never 👎🏾 had one. So I guess that’s where I go wrong with choosing the wrong men to deal with, and think I’m supposed to put up with certain situations because that it’s my weak side of me cause of a missing puzzle 🧩 in my life. Sometimes I get fried and listen 🎧 to Luther Vandross - Dance w/ my father and cry 😢 because I dnt know that feeling to be loved 🥰 by a man that’s supposed to protect you from any harm. I already failed one child choosing the wrong guy, and I don’t want want him to feel how I’m feel so I need someone that’s going to make us happy, both feel wanted, protected, and secure, also my future kids, because it’s planned to be a life time. That’s what I want to bring in my 2021 happiness, healthy for my soul, don’t have to ask for too much from him, don’t have to worry about nothing,I want and need a real good man in my life I’m starting to begin pushing in my 30’s it’s time to build my world. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️🧩🧩🧩🧩🧩🧩🧩🌎

[keysssskeymacc]

Still waiting for my Love 💕💕💕💕💕🤍🖤🤍 💍🤎

I thought at 25 you supposed to be married or engaged or even have an promise ring. But instead I’m just a single mom stuck with a baby to raise by myself in this cold vicious world. It scares me that I dnt know what ppl true intentions be about with dealing with me. I know I’m a good person with good intentions that will support and give anything you need. It’s very hard to get a true real man in my generation, me and a good friend of mine talk about all the time. Why we can’t just have a good protective man on our side maybe, god saying we not ready yet. We always say maybe we just better off being alone taking care of our kids and just getting by, day by day everyday life shit. In this generation these men that’s being brought up is a waste of time to deal with. It just make you want to be alone because it just be so much shit going on now, and days you can’t trust no one, love today will never be like the 20’s, 30’s, when a black man was only about his one black woman and actually fought for her by being her protector, today we don’t have that at all. It’s very rare to find those kind of men in today’s world, and if a women does find one like that she’s very lucky and better value that shit and keep it private. Three things to keep private your money, love life, and how you living. The only people you suppose to trust is your wife/husband and parents are the only three that should know your private situations to be comfortable talking to and also two really good friends to count on. What happen to raising a man that can take care what he love, being supportive, building and making a home and family. Today it’s just a whole lot of bullshit that ignorance really took over men being scared stepping up to the plate. It’s a lot of little boys today that want you to play mommy and do everything while they just make a nest to stay. By me being a single mom, already having a baby out of a failed relationship made me wise up to find what I really need in my life to have a positive and happy life. Made me realize in that relationship I wasn’t loving myself enough because I was grown but yet still young making foolish decisions. But that’s just a little hiccup in life, I still got to do the things I wanted to do even though it took a little time but there’s no rush for anything in life because it’s still more things I have to do and see. I’m at a point and chapter in my life where I’m ready to have that 5-10 year relationship than marriage and family but it’s not never going to happen. I’m trapped in the wrong generation and feel very alone and I think im going to stay that way for a very long time. Because these men are truly a waste of time want to have this bitch and that bitch because of the next man or friends. Worry about what they friends going to say if they do treat a female right because they friend don’t trust females so they think they have to roll with that. But this one im about bring up is going to put the icing on the cake. Which is when a guy meet a female who has a child already and think cos she have a child or children she is not be trusted what so ever because of the child’s father. This is where us single moms who want a real man, to step up to the plate but yet get these little boys taking teenage steps that wants to be your child too. What happen to the men that don’t give a fuck about shit like that, step up to the plate, build a home and do his part as man. Making sure that, his women don’t ever have to worry/think about that last man doing his share, because he’s doing it cause she’s going to be the wife of his kids next, and that child is going to be his also. There is nothing wrong with a love like that because you build the trust, no matter what other ppl think. In this generation a man like that, other ppl are jealous because they can’t be a man that can really actually take care one female and have that one female love them like no other, doing all things together, so If they have a negative comment, joke about, they are jealous of the relationship and want you to be like them feeling unloved.

THE END KEYHONNA -

[keysssskeymacc]

Still haven’t found a good Name for this book 📖 I been writing since 2014 yet but here’s the first chapter:

Prologue

“Tyriq I’m sick of this bullshit I can’t take it any more” Kenya said as she start packing up her clothes from the walk in closet. “Bitch you not going no where with my fcking son not even to the corner store” Tyriq yelled at her standing by the closet door. “Mf you can have this whole condo to your self I’m out idgaf what you say” Kenya said walking out the room towards the baby room. “Alright bitch you asked for it” Tyriq said as he was walking into the closet to get his gun. As Kenya was walking into the baby room she felt something steaming in her back and fell to the floor she started screaming when she saw the blood on the white fluffy carpet floor and passed out. “Oh shit wtf I do, baby baby I’m sorry please wake up damn wtf” Tyriq started crying holding her in his arms.

Emergency 🚨

Ambulance came rushing into the condo building to the 23rd floor. “Okay, okay we have a heart beating let’s move her to the hospital fast” the lady paramedic said. “Baby I’ll be right here when you get out okay, if you die I’ll kill you, you hear me” Tyriq whispered in Kenya ear as they was running her into the ambulance car. Kenya eyes was rolled back she tried to open them but she couldn’t everything was blur to her, she tried to think and remember how the hell she end up in the fcking ambulance but life started to flash back at her to the beginning of her child hood.

CHAPTER ONE

Growing up in the projects shit wasn’t easy for Kenya and her twin brother name Malik brother, the only black kids in the hood with Hazel eyes. They mother left them when they was only 5 years old “Mommy please don’t go” (5 year old Kenya cried) “I’m sorry baby but this not the life I wanted for us right now I’ll be back I promise” Her said walking out the house door. After the mom left, it was just Kenya and her twin brother and her alcoholic father.

They lived in the back of the project’s the last building on the 5th floor. Living with they father wasn’t the easiest since he was drunk and only worked for his needs to get drunk every weekend and bring home chicks that was never going to be a mom figure for Kenya and her brother. He made sure bills was paid on time and shit but buying stuff that Kenya and her brother really needed clothes shoes and hair done they had to find ways for it. They started stealing out the malls, and asking friendly neighbors in the hood to do Kenya hair.

They always find and made they way out shit, when they turned 16 Kenya thought it would be a good idea to start working after school and on the weekends. She got tired of being the OutKast of shit and missing out on fun because of her living and feeling ashamed and embarrassed. Her brother did the same as well but also started hustling on the side too.

-KEYHONNA B.

[keysssskeymacc]

I’m going to write my book 📖 over on here that I started in 2014 it’s a Urban book, hope some will like parts of it I’ll post

[keysssskeymacc]

[keysssskeymacc]

‪For my birthday I’m getting mink lashes done and micro brows done natural look 🥰🥰🥰🥰‬2️⃣5️⃣🎈🎈🎈🎈 bout to be 25 in a month ♈️ time for some changes with this personality I really do act like a big child at times, cos if I be too grown ppl gone look at me diff, it’s never a win win for ppl in this world which make you be scared to be who you truly are, cos once you start really being you and doing you, becoming a better person in this world for ppl to understand you, they will try to break it, that’s why I have to stay with this hard act, cos once someone break it down to the real nice smart me they will take it for granted, let me see how hard you really fully rock with me before I break this ice 🧊 and flip it, it might shock you, but you’ll love it 😍 just don’t take it for granted 👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾

[keysssskeymacc]

Nahh 😂😂😂 the old freak hoes before City Girls

[keysssskeymacc]

My own thoughts 💭...... coming later, first I gotta smoke 💨 this L to explain them to get where I’m coming from.

[keysssskeymacc]

[keysssskeymacc]

My meditation will be best for me, to help me get where my mind need to be, with a little more help from a therapist 👌🏾

🧘🏾‍♀️🧘🏾‍♀️💆🏾‍♀️

[keysssskeymacc]

Mommy & me #KeyFits by lifeofaupcoming featuring a white crop top

Adidas Originals white crop top / Yves Saint Laurent jeans, $910 / Sweatshirt and Pants $24.99 / Inverni beanie hat, $235 / Burberry Check-Pocket Crewneck Tee / Nike Air Force 1 Mid LV8 Infant/Toddler Shoe. Nike.com

[keysssskeymacc]

Miss Preggo #FitByKey by lifeofaupcoming featuring gucci handbags

Thierry Mugler blue jacket / H M green legging, $11 / Gucci handbag / Inverni beanie hat

[keysssskeymacc]

🇯🇲 by lifeofaupcoming featuring olive shorts

Yves saint laurent t shirt / NLST olive shorts, $150 / Wrap choker necklace, $17