kianbe

[kianbe]

the stoic depth of nicky's vocal tone has always had a very specific calming affect on him. the low hum of it often counters heightened emotions and prevents his nervous system from being flooded by them. now that there's even the slightest sense of tranquility that cascades over him right in this moment, kian tries his best to focus on it; to continue listening to the wisdom and understanding that his longtime someone offers him, all while leveling out his breath.

this is how the two of them have always operated. kian is like a balloon, one that flails and floats around when not bound to something. nicky is often the anchor who keeps him still, even from afar. his mom has always told him that he needs a friend like that, someone that protects him from getting caught up in torrential winds that leave him in an endless state of aimless hovering.

he's often resented people for telling him that, for feeling like no one trusts him to take care of himself. however, this idol experience has him realizing that maybe he does need a stable support system, and that it's okay to need one. it doesn't make him any less strong for wanting a shoulder to lean on or for needing certain aid.

when nicky calls him tough, kian feels a herculean tug at his heartstrings, and sure, the exhaustion could be adding to his sensitivities right now, but even if he wasn't so tired he'd likely have a similar response to this specific compliment. "you think so?" he asks, trying to keep his voice level, albeit unsuccessfully. "i don't feel very tough right now, but i guess if you think i am, i'll trust you."

interrupting his feelings is nicky's joke, which makes kian laugh and distracts him from whatever doom-and-gloom that's storming in his head. "you'd need to launch the pebble really far... we're pretty high up. think you can do it?" there's a lilt to his tone that sounds almost taunting, as if he's posing a challenge, but he's not completely serious. "it would be impressive if you did. i don't think our managers could even be that mad about any disturbances if you pulled it off."

inhaling and exhaling deeply, kian feels more regulated than he did before calling nicky and he's so thankful, but that doesn't make the conversation any less bittersweet. "i know what you mean," he responds simply, dabbing the corners of his eyes. "i hope i'll be able to get a good night's sleep soon. i've never struggled with this before. ditching school and taking naps with you was like... my favorite hobby. i'd kill for one of those right now." smiling fondly, he feels the tension that was once in his shoulders unfurl, then he roars out a yawn.

"before we have to stop talking, i want you to tell me what you've been up to. let me live vicariously through you for a little while. that okay?"

as nicky already knew, all he can do is stay silent as he listens to kian pour out his heart. he tries to read between the lines, to understand the feelings that the other man has trouble putting into words. he must be lonely, nicky infers as kian laments the long hours and few and far between moments to connect with friends and family... and whatever nicky himself is to kian these days. he doesn't dare make any assumptions there. he's tired, obviously. overwhelmed with the new pace of life and where this career is bringing him. nicky's lips press tightly together in thought, already trying to find the solution that will make kian happiest. there's not one immediately, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

"it's normal to be all out of sorts during a big change, right?" it's more of a reminder than a question, just nicky trying anything he can from the place he's in. "it's okay if it's hard right now. it sucks, i wish it was easier. but your whole life is different now and that's not a bad thing... just takes time to adjust to. you're tough, kian. you can get through this if you want to."

if you want to. nicky's not sure he should have let the words out the moment they escape from his lips. what if that undermines kian's courage? what if he poisons the other man's mind with his careless words with the accidental unspoken implication that kian doesn't really want this. that's not what he meant, and some rational part of him should know that kian would know him better than to assume any negativity, but the thought spiral takes form before nicky has the better sense to recognize it. let it pass, he tells himself, forcibly letting the thoughts go instead of allowing his mind to dwell on it.

"what if i just came and stood outside your dorm?" he suggests, a smile on his lips. it's ridiculous and nicky knows it, a waste of time for both of them. but nicky can be a little ridiculous for kian if it brings him a smile, some peace. "and i can call you again from there and we can pretend we're on a walk or something. or i can throw pebbles at your window and hope your neighbors won't hate me if i miss." okay, ryu nicky would never actually do that, but maybe the thought will make kian laugh. that's all he wants to hear right now.

the sigh from the other end of the line tickles his ears and nicky feels his heart sink again. "it's not bad," he assures the other man. "that's just you. your mind is always up in a tree somewhere looking down on me and everyone else below. but it was never simple, you just were able to avoid the difficult things. we can't go back... i wish we could too, sometimes."

[kianbe]

nicky showing concern for him makes him feel a bit guilty for waking him up, but kian's trying not to let that emotion overwhelm him any more than he already is. the last thing he needs is to pile even more feelings onto his plate, especially negative ones. "didn't mean to scare you. i just didn't really know what else to do." his word selection doesn't necessarily paint a happy picture, so he quickly elaborates. "it feels like the only time i have to connect with you, and my family, and my friends is during the night like this. sometimes not even then, if we're traveling or we're shooting something overnight." he muses, then breathes deeply once more; the heaviness of his limbs a consistent reminder that he's genuinely never been this exhausted before.

"i... y'know, that's a good question. i really don't know what's on my mind." putting his thoughts into words has always been difficult. he's much more in tune with the language his heart and soul speak. "everything, but also nothing at all. i feel so checked out, nicky." the admission brings out another deep breath, his body trying to calm his nervous system from spiking by forcing him to breathe. "i've been shuffled around so much, told to do so many things, and i do them, but i don't remember doing them. it's... freaking me out, kind of."

honestly speaking, he feels like a robot on autopilot. he's been programmed to follow certain orders and complete tasks, and that's it. however, what rouses even more of an emotional response from him is when nicky asks if he should come find him. normally, he'd answer yes, but he knows that that's not the correct answer here. he's still so early in his career, the managers still live with them in the dorm, and breaking rules or being irresponsible won't only give him consequences to deal with, but likely the entire group, too. "i don't think we can... or should."

another sigh. "i wanna hangout with you, but i gotta be up in, like, three hours? whoa..." the realization of that shocks him, but there's nothing he can do about it. yet another sleepless night for the books. "is it bad that i dream about running away a lot? that... i imagine myself up in some tree somewhere, holding onto how simple that was, and never looking back?"

the trill of his phone startles him, physically jolting out of sleep as the device sings and vibrates on his bedside table. immediately, a million worst case scenarios fill nicky's head. someone has died, someone's been arrested, something so terrible has happened that it can't possibly wait until morning hours. when his eyes focus on the name, kim kian, his heart drops into his stomach like a block of ice. oh god, he prays silently as he tries to steady his hands enough to answer, please make sure he's okay. he nearly fumbles the phone as he lifts it to his ear, a sudden spike of adrenaline making every movement jerky and unpredictable.

"is everything okay?" he fumbles to get the words out, one syllable spilling over the next until it all but tumbles out of his lips in a misshapen heap. kian's soft voice meets him on the other end of the line, not nearly as panicked as nicky is. it doesn't comfort him, not with the way kian pauses as if there's something he's holding back. is he crying? nicky strains to hear any of the telltale signs of emotion in the other man's voice, studying every word as if it holds a hidden message. but no, it's not an emergency. at least, not the type of emergency nicky had feared. kian is okay, physically at least, and it's enough for nicky to take a deep breath and begin slowing his rapidly beating heart.

"it's okay, don't worry about it," he assures the other man, then pulls his phone away from his ear just briefly to check the time. god, it's late. "you scared me half to death but it's alright. call me any time, i mean it." he sits up in bed, making himself more comfortable than the half-sprawled position he had ended up in during his rush to answer. nicky allows himself to enjoy the sound of kian's voice in his ear, a little crackly from the phone and soft due to the late hour, but familiar in the warmest way nonetheless.

he rubs sleep out of his eyes, crusted from the few hours of rest he's already gotten. "what's on your mind?" he offers himself as a sounding board, a place to vent. nicky likes to think that he has all the answers but truth be told, he does not. he can try to solve all of kian's problems but more than likely there's nothing he can do except listen, take them in, to share words of sympathy at best. it kills him that he can't just take away all of kian's fears and frustrations with a snap of his fingers; kian is a boy who deserves nothing but a rosy path in life after all.

"should i come find you? we could take a walk, if you think it would help. and if you won't get in trouble." nicky calculates how long it would take him to get dressed and call a car. will kian be ready to sleep by then and he'd have made the trip in vain? it's worth it if he gets to see the other man again, nicky tells himself. even if it's just for a few minutes, it's worth it.

[kianbe]

he's an angel (really)

[kianbe]

kian was always under the impression that he's an extrovert. with how much he loves adventure and gathering with friends, his sisters guessed that he was likely an enfp. possessing an artistic, sensitive soul with a need to wander, he thought it made sense and took their word for it—never having the attention span to take the test himself. however, after he signed to lime entertainment as a trainee, he began to realize that he's significantly more introverted than he once thought. one night, he decided to find out for himself. it was proven to him when he finally took the test and that he's an infp.

knowing this has helped him understand why he deeply enjoys spending time alone and lost in his own head, or even alone and surrounded by nature. what makes this complicated, however, is the fact that his job requires him to be the exact opposite. despite being mentally checked out for the bulk of their debut promotions, one thing that kian has held onto about this entire experience is that he's never been surrounded by so many people before.

he grew up in a big family, but this is a completely different feeling. alone time is almost non-existent. if he's not with all his group-mates, it's company-staff and the group's manager. if it's not them, it's fans at fan-signs, or the crew members and other idols backstage at music shows. it drains him, which is likely why he reverts to daydreaming during his downtime. there's nothing he can do about it.

either way, in this moment, while he's standing on stage and engaging with the supporters of his group at yet another meet-and-greet, he's trying his hardest to keep focused; to plaster a smile on his face and keep the wind in his sails, come hell or high water.

kian doesn't even notice when noel sneaks behind him and fastens a tiara to his head. his feline-shaped eyes angle upward, then to noel, and finally out toward the crowd as he's ceremoniously presented to them. he winces and laughs as his cheek is pinched, and his dimples are unveiled whenever he smiles, only amplifying his adorability. he resents how much he suits the maknae title, but only a little bit. if the cheers he receives from their fans mean anything, it's a good thing instead of a bad one.

since noel is the one who got him into this, he decides to include him in his display of aegyo. playfully, kian stands behind him so they're both perfectly parallel to the audience. then, he starts to jump so that he can try to match their heights; highlighting their different statures. when he reaches the maximum height of his jumps, he strikes a new pose and makes a silly or cute facial expression. after the fourth one, he jumps up and playfully bumps his head against noel's, then laughs upon landing.

taking a step back, he's the one that presents noel now. "okay—it's your turn! why don't you show us how you do aegyo, hyung~?"

fan interaction

truthfully noel didn’t know a lot about fansigns before actually becoming an idol. considering he was an idol now, he knew weirdly little about the idol world, he’d been asking his k-pop obsessed sister a lot of questions lately. noel mainly became an idol to dance, but it was fun interacting with fans, but damn was there a lot of fansigns. for some reason trainee noel thought he’d be able to remember the name and faces of every fan he met, now he’s not so sure, even though he’s good at remembering names and faces, he’s struggling like hell right now. 

they’re taking a break from the whole ‘sitting down and talking and signing’ and now the members are interacting while fans yell questions here and there. spotting kian ( @kianbe ) standing alone, noel finds his way over to the other, not without grabbing something first of course. he sneaks up on the other before placing a tiara on the other’s head that some fan gave noel and asked him to pose with.

“eh! look at our maknae!” he says as he pinches the other’s cheek “do some aegyo for the fans, will you?” and like an evil hyung, he teases the other.

[kianbe]

"pfffffft," he replies to joomi's comment, his eyes rolling. he knows joomi can't see his face, but he's positive that the energy of the motion was conveyed nonetheless. "no, i mean what i say. you made my whole day. deal with it." much like before, his tone captures the expression he'd be making if they were occupying the same space. he'd be sticking his tongue out at him. one day, joomi will understand why a phone call like this matters so much. with how fast everything has been moving, kian can't remember the last time he talked to anyone that wasn't involved with vybe. seeing his phone screen alight with the name of a family member, a close friend, literally anyone from his "real life" before all this started, is even more meaningful now.

"yeah, what gives, joomi? did you forget all about me? is that why you never check in? psh, i see how it is..."

he laughs as he stares up at his ceiling, sighing contently at the end of it, and when joomi starts to discuss his own emotional state, kian listens; glad to be given a glimpse into the other's world, even if the glimpse is minuscule and not the most clear. that's how his senior has always been though. not only has he always had a gray cloud hovering over his head, but he tends to keep his emotions cloud-covered, too; seldom allowing kian's balmy rays to break through to them. "m'glad you're okay," he hums, unsure if he should even bring jinyoung up or let it slide. he didn't get to know him as well as joomi did, that goes without saying, but he misses him too, in his way.

jinyoung felt like the first friend he made at lime entertainment, which probably shocks people who know him, but somehow, their vibes complemented one another's. that, and whether jinyoung knew it or not, kian always felt oddly safe in his presence. all he can hope is that his pal is doing alright and making the most of his enlistment. "hopefully, i can help make you feel more than okay though. i know i may be far away lately, but that doesn't mean i can't find ways to make you smile. don't doubt me and my skills, joom!"

when the spotlight is shone back on him and he's asked about his own state of mind, he sighs, but this time, not as contently. "yeah, m'alright. well, at least i think i am. i feel like i've been really spaced out lately..." that only scratches the surface of how deep and severe his daydreaming has become, but he isn't sure if it's worth elaborating on. "you ever seen the movie 'ratatouille'?" pausing, he waits for an answer, then continues. "instead of a rat, i feel like i have a little alien or somethin' controlling all my motions and doing what needs to be done, but my imagination is taking me on other journeys. it sounds bad, but because of this, like, i don't really remember any of our debut promotions... and we're already starting comeback prep."

does this sound concerning? he supposes he'll find out from joomi as their conversation continues, but for now, he's still choosing to laugh it off. "doan says i'll adjust to all this though. he said the beginning is the hardest because you're not used to how crazy the schedules are, but once the first year or so is over with, it becomes easier to handle." his older brother has been doing this for awhile now, so kian trusts him when he gives guidance. doan can be annoying sometimes, but he means well. "i rest when i can though. i promise!"

he listens as kian talks, and can't help but feel concerned. this is the life they're fated to live, though: sleepless nights, sore muscles, strained vocal cords, and pushing through all of it. joomi thinks kian, especially, was made for this. music always permeated every part of kian's life, and he loved it so loudly and enthusiastically. in some ways, it feels weird that kian is debuting first of the two of them. in others, it makes perfect sense.

joomi doesn't think he ended up on this path by mistake, but it certainly wasn't intentional. he is still a little gloomy and hard to get along with – not likable idol material yet, at least in his eyes. kian, on the other hand, is warm. kian always shines so brightly.

something in his voice sounds a little dull now, though, and joomi can't help but frown to himself. is he okay? what state is kian in, that a call from joomi of all people can make his whole day? "bad day, i'm guessing?" he jokes, because he can't just accept that hearing from him is enough to improve someone's day so drastically.

"you don't have to be sorry," he adds softly. "you have plenty of reasons for not keeping in touch. i could've done a better job too, so." he chuckles.

after another beat of silence, he realizes he didn't answer kian's question. how are you?

"i'm, uh...good," he replies, likely entirely unconvincingly. he lets out another tiny huff of awkward laughter. "i mean...you know. i'm okay." he knows kian knows what he means without him elaborating. it's nice. he doesn't have to explain what happened with him and jinyoung, or why his sadness rolls in and out like the tides. kian might know even more than him, really. he hasn't asked. he doesn't need to know more. he needs to let it go. eventually he will.

there's still the matter that kian sounds exhausted, though. "are you okay?" he asks eventually. "i wish they would let you rest." he knows it's an unrealistic request, though. this will be kian's life for the foreseeable future, and joomi's too, if all goes according to plan. he knows what he signed up for. it just worries him a little. kian's life as an idol is only just beginning. how long can he hold up if he already sounds so...tired?

[kianbe]

ＭＡＬＡＤＡＰＴＩＶＥ． a solo written in 435 words.

kian doesn't really remember the last few months. everything has moved so fast, and when he wasn't focusing one hundred percent of his attention on working, he fell into the clutches of his reveries; their claws sunk so deep into him that reality all but died.

this is something he's always done, a coping mechanism that hasn't always been healthy, per se, even if it's technically a form of stress relief. his brain operates in such a way that, whenever his system is rocked with immense pressure, it travels to fantasy worlds he's spent his whole life building, maintaining. as there are multiple, it often chooses one that counterbalances the type of tension he's dealing with. lately, it has found one that provides much-needed simplicity.

within this new land, he isn't a human being. instead, he takes on the form of a primate, a spider monkey specifically. kian loves climbing trees. for obvious reasons, there aren't many to scale in the city, but whenever he can get his arms around one, he takes advantage; the feeling of bark beneath his palms, sap getting underneath his fingernails, and his knees sometimes getting scraped in the process, it's a feeling like no other. however, within this makeshift world, he can do it anytime, anywhere. instead of recalling moments from his début, or during prep for it, or basically anything afterwards, he's been swinging from branch to branch, never afraid of falling.

during the rare moments of lucidity that he has lately, kian can see a mixture of excitement and exhaustion in the others, and he feels bad that he hasn't been participating in the excitement part, but he can't exactly control his daydreaming. at least not yet. even though they've trained together for awhile now and they're embarking on this voyage together, he doesn't feel very close to them. it's his own fault, is the thing. he recognizes that, too, and hopes that none of them think that he hates them or isn't happy to be here. his mind is just working overtime to guard him from the dangers of mental strain.

there's a part of him that knows he may regret not being present for the milestones he's reached, for not fully remembering the moment he debuted, or even filming the music video, or being ushered around to music shows, but there's not much that can be done about it now. instead, he's been swinging on branches, collecting bugs, and finding peace in the wildlife stowed away in his mind. he'll come back someday. when? he's unsure, but he knows he can't remain there forever.

[kianbe]

kian doesn't remember who he is anymore. long gone is the boy with a guitar, a bright smile, and a dream, and in his place stands a man who carries the weight of a debut on his shoulders; a man who is more of a hollow shell than a human being lately. the never-ending schedules, the airplanes, the rehearsal spaces, the studios... all of it has started to blur together into one everlasting day. there's no starts and stops, no sunrise or sunset. it's all the same. the only thing that feels different is him.

whenever he looks in the mirror lately, kian is quick to notice the changes he's gone through. his physique is more toned from hours of dancing and working out, his hair is cut in a way that eradicates its once charming messiness, and his face no longer dons a cherubic glow. instead, its angles are defined; sharp.

those aren't the only changes though. sure, he may appear different to those who've known him forever, but lately, he feels as though the person he once was has died, too; his personality metamorphosing into something that he doesn't recognize. there's still glimmers of whimsy and boyishness there, but being that he's been somewhat forced to grow up throughout his trainee journey, the heightened sense of maturity he feels confuses him... scares him, even.

he's very much a bird that was booted out of the nest for the first time, forced to use his inexperienced wings to keep himself afloat as the winds continue to knock him off his course; forced to adapt his mindset to what's going on around him instead of clinging onto any naivete like a comfort blanket, hoping that someone can save him.

however, breaking him free from his thoughts is his phone. as it vibrates on his nightstand, he rolls over in bed to check who it is and sees that it's joomi. a fond half-smile tugs at one corner of his mouth. it's only an incoming call, but it reminds him of the good ol' days. back then, this call would likely be a reminder not to show up late to dead calm practice the following morning, but now? he's not sure what joomi has to say, but he's definitely curious. eager, he picks up the phone and answers it; feeling immediately comforted by his friend's voice on the other side.

"hey!" he replies, then clears his throat. he's been singing so much lately that his voice is pretty tired, but not tired enough for him to prioritize remaining silent. "nah, you didn't. honestly, i don't think i know what sleep is anymore..." it's a joke, but it's also true. "which is weird because, if you remember, i'm someone that can pass out, like, anywhere." kian's fallen asleep on trains, buses, stairwells, you-name-it. nowadays though, he's lucky if he can get two hours per night. naps during the day are no longer an option either. "during one of our shoots, i started falling asleep in the makeup chair and got in trouble. guess that makes me a bad boy now."

kian takes a deep breath, rolling back onto his back. "how are you? i, um... i miss you. i think about you a lot, so getting this call from you made my whole day." there are times where he wonders what it would've been like if he ended up in studio delta with joomi and the rest, but it's far too late to daydream about those what-ifs now. he's quite literally confirmed to debut under lime entertainment. there's no going back. "m'sorry i haven't kept in touch much. it's been... crazy."

* ♪ – what ifs

joomi doubts he could've avoided the teasers if he tried. news about vybe's debut is plastered across every part of the online kpop sphere.

it's not like he wants to avoid them, anyway. he has friends in the group he's happy for. haneul, especially, has wanted this for years – he knows.

and yet he can't help but wonder...what if lime didn't drop jinyoung? what if it was jinyoung's face in the teasers – jinyoung named the group's visual, jinyoung chattering excitedly to joomi about achieving his dream? it makes his heart ache, even after months. he's pretty sure he's doomed to a life of some kind of missing jinyoung in every universe. he just wishes this was one where at least jinyoung was happy. at least he could call him and tell him congratulations and that he loved him.

he's a little sick of all of the yearning now. he's mostly through his moping phase now, at least – mostly. with the help of therapy, he's made it to a place of resigned acceptance of the situation and his feelings about it. he's still sad. he'll probably be sad for a while. it's not stupid, and there's nothing wrong with that, no matter how it feels.

for as bittersweet as it is, there is still someone in lime's new boy group he wants to call and congratulate. in some other universe, he probably calls jinyoung and tells him to tell kian congratulations too. maybe jinyoung doesn't pick up, so joomi calls kian and tells him to tell his idiot boyfriend congratulations instead.

in this universe, he just calls kian. he knows he's likely busy, so he expects to go to voicemail. he mentally prepares himself for the message he wants to leave as the phone rings – and then kian picks up.

"oh, hey," joomi greets him, unable to hide his surprise. it is pretty late at night, but he thought for sure kian would've been practicing or sleeping. "i didn't wake you up, did i?"

– @kianbe

[kianbe]

ＲＥＳＴＬＥＳＳ． ｆｅａｔ． 김기안 & 류니키

kian is very overwhelmed. he can't remember the last time he's had a proper night's sleep. he's either pulling all-nights practicing, or he's kept awake by a hellish carousel of intrusive thoughts that he can't break-free from. whether he likes it or not, he's strapped in, and it's revolving motions make him so motion-sick that all he can really do is shut his eyes and let it pass. nothing has ever made him feel this way, and it scares him to experience the weight of his reality physically crushing him; his tired bones forced deep into the ground, and for some reason, he's much, much too exhausted to lift himself back up.

he's so tired that there are literal hours out of his days spent gazing out of windows, reverting back to an old habit of his he picked up while in school. back then, it was never easy for him to pay attention in class, and more often than not, if he didn't use his desk as a makeshift bed and his backpack as his pillow, his eyes glued to what was happening outside. stress has always forced him to use daydreaming as a means of self-soothing, making him the picture-perfect definition of an escapist. however, even his reveries have taken on a new form all of the sudden.

it's no longer pleasant to get lost in his imaginary worlds, as they've been tainted by his reality. kian feels like he has no place to run and hide anymore. it's terrifying.

it's late, and he knows he should be sleeping, but every time he's tried, he tosses and turns, and it's more frustrating than actually accepting the fact that he simply cannot stay still for longer than three minutes at a time, so he decides to get up. hoping he doesn't get in trouble, he makes his way outside; the springtime air feeling good against his skin. while he would hate to disturb him, the only thing he can think about doing right now is calling nicky. it's been awhile since they'd talked, and somehow, nicky has a way about him that helps calm kian down.

digging his phone out of his pocket, he decides to give him a call, and as he listens to it ring, all he can hope is that he answers, and when he eventually does, he breathes a sigh of relief.

"hey..." he murmurs, swallowing hard. "i, uh... i'm sorry, i didn't mean to wake you up. i, um—i'm having a hard time sleeping and i really just felt like talking to you." kian pauses, taking a deep breath. "i—is that okay?"

[kianbe]

JUNGWON ⋆˙⟡ 'XO' 071224 ↳ @kpopcreators winter bingo — free space 🐱

[kianbe]

kian feels bad for being as low-energy as he is in this moment, but he hopes that, once they're tucked away into the comfort of nicky's place, he'll feel more relaxed and present. the journey to the airport felt more like a mad dash for him because of his schedule, and the cold weather, while one would think it would cause alertness, has only made him crave the warmth of a bed all the more. though, he knows that sleep isn't their main priority, at least not yet, so he's committed to staying awake and soaking up as much time with nicky as he can before they catch some z's.

after all, it's been a long time since the two of them have slept beside one another. that used to be one of kian's favorite things to do. naps with nicky brought a lot of tranquility to his often restless spirit that felt so healing. knowing that that's a possibility again fills him with so much happiness.

for now, though, they still have a small journey to take before they can make any of that happen, and as they stand out in the frigid temperature to wait for their uber-taxi, he's surprised when nicky grabs at his hand. it pulls him out of any thought he was in the middle of, and he looks over to other; wide-eyed, flushed.

"not anymore..." he replies, squeezing onto the other's palm; hoping that no one is paying extra close attention to them. "is us meeting out in the cold going to be our thing now?" kian teases, then watches as their car pulls up. eager to get home, he piles into the backseat and tries to keep his hands to himself all the while. it's difficult, it takes a herculean level of strength to remain seated still, but he succeeds.

/

with half-empty containers from one of the best restaurants on the block sprawled out on the coffee table in front of them, kian settles into his on the couch; allowing his newly-toned frame to sink into its cushions in a way that makes him feel as though he's being cradled. it's a nice change from taking up space on the floor of a rehearsal room, and it's all the better with the company he's keeping tonight. turning his head, he offers nicky a tender smile. "did that satisfy your craving?" he asks, licking over his lips. "i don't wanna get too full, so i'm going to take a break for now!"

there's nothing better to him than a piping hot serving of kimchi-jjigae on nights like this. he hopes that the food has reconnected nicky with home even more.

"i'd say we should've gotten some sweet bread for dessert, but i'm sure you're sick of that by now. anyway, what do you wanna do tonight? we don't have to go crazy or anything, but is there anything special you wanna do for your homecoming? i wish i had ideas, but i've been so busy that it was hard to think of any... 'sides, i like when you choose what we do! you're a better thinker than i am."

"you'd think," he sighs wistfully. if only planes were any good for sleeping on. "it's just noisy, and not really comfortable. so it doesn't really matter who i'm sitting next to. it's just not a great setting to try to get some real rest." thank god his fellow passengers weren't so bad to travel with. nicky's temper is short and as sensitive as a hair trigger and the last thing he needs is to get escorted off the plane by an air marshal for screaming at a poor passenger for whatever might've set him off. "everyone else was at least trying to sleep. so that was fine."

kian moves a little too quickly, a little too far out of reach and nicky feels his heart drop at even the smallest distance put between them. he's a beat slower to follow, his luggage dragging along at his side, until he can fall into a rhythm with the other man again. for a moment, he mourns the fact that they are no longer children, that linking arms or holding hands is no longer a cute and innocent gesture but rather a signal to others of something else. he's spent far too much time away. maybe that's why his body craves kian's closeness with a new ferocity. nicky isn't sure if his ability to deny himself any indulgence is a good or bad thing right now. just wait a little longer, he tells himself. when we're back home... or away from the crowds. he negotiates with himself.

"they didn't have anything like that," he sighs wistfully. korean food sounds divine right now. "even trying to make stuff myself... it's hard to find all the ingredients there. even the korean restaurants weren't really korean food. but english food isn't necessarily... bad." he pauses as he tries to explain it. "it's different. some of it is really bad, yeah, but it's not like i couldn't eat anything while i was there. they eat a lot of bread."

as they exit the airport lobby, nicky is hit with crisp winter air. he takes a deep breath, as if savoring the very scent of home, when another thought strikes him. was it not another cold night when he and kian sat on a park bench eating tteokbokki and accidentally stumbling through their feelings for each other? he looks over to the other boy, studying all the unfamiliar angles and sharpness in his face that wasn't there before, searching for the curve of his eyes when he smiles, the dimples in his cheeks, and all the familiar things that are still the same. "your hand is cold," nicky says before he even reaches out to take it, as if making an excuse to touch once again.

[kianbe]

"twelve-hours-on-a-plane smells good, then..." kian replies, humming in delight as he remains attached to nicky. there's a small part of him that hopes he's not being overly clingy, but in truth, missing nicky was more than just wanting to hear his voice or see his face. above all, kian missed the way their bodies come together; how nicky's body weight feels in tandem with his own. he, of course, missed his scent, even if nicky doesn't think it's anything special right now. he missed all of the physical sensations that they didn't get to explore because of their distance. that's what he wants to soak up right now, more than anything else.

when nicky mentions being tired, kian looks over to him with a grin, bummed that he wasn't able to rest well. "mmm, that's too bad! you'd think that sitting in one place for so long would be the best time to catch up on some z's!" thinking back on it, he doesn't think he's ever been up in the air for that long of a stretch. "were you sitting beside someone annoying?" his question is honest, but he can only imagine how nicky would've responded to having an obnoxious encounter with another person, especially in the tight confines of an airplane.

as their plans are settled on, kian nods affirmatively; raising two thumbs up. "home it is!" pivoting his body toward the direction of the exit, he starts to amble his way there; tempted to clutch onto nicky's hand, but doesn't out of fear of stares. now that he's going to be a public figure, he needs to be more careful when it comes to things like this. being at the airport, especially. before he knows it, he'll be dodging camera flashes and screaming fans. "what should we eat? i'm assuming you'll want korean food after being away for so long, but we can get whatever you want!"

he doesn't mean to leave all of the decision making on nicky, but as this is his homecoming, kian wants their evening to be catered to him. "did they even have stuff like kimchi-jjigae and kimbap in europe? i know they have curry... you're gonna have to tell me how the food was, and about everything, really, but i always hear about how bad european food is. is that true?"

he doesn’t know what it is about the arms wrapped around him, a little stronger than he remembered them but still undeniably kian’s warm embrace; it almost makes nicky want to cry with relief. he’s never been one for too much physical contact and yet there are exceptions to every rule, his own arms wrapping around the other boy all too easily, like they’re two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly side by side. kian feels a little different in nicky’s arms, a little less soft than he remembered, and for a moment he worries that the time apart has not been kind to him. but no, there’s a strength there that wasn’t before. is it selfish to feel a little sad that kian seems to have gotten better since nicky last saw him? probably. but nicky never claimed to be a good person.

“i smell like twelve hours on a plane,” he grumbles despite the way his heart swells. why can’t i just say i’m happy to see him too? nicky even questions himself. is he too comfortable knowing kian will just know what he means? how is that fair? as much as nicky’s soft words are hidden behind layers upon layers of prickly thorns, kian’s heart is proudly on display as it’s always been. we’re still just… us. yes, they are. for as much as they’ve changed, for as unfamiliar kian feels in his arms, they’re still so much the same. a sniffle escapes nicky first, then his eyes water in a way that he hardly ever shows in public. he takes the opportunity when kian relaxes away from the embrace to wipe at his eyes. “i’m tired,” he explains, or rather explains, with his voice low to keep the exhausted, relieved tears at bay.

at least kian’s next questions make it easier to excuse his emotional state, unraveled and unpolished in a way nicky hardly ever shows. “i had a meal on the plane. it was bad,” he recaps his journey in short words, though truly the flight was wonderfully uneventful. “tried to sleep… emphasis on tried.” he sighs. “but i want to see you first.” yes, he’s seeing him now, but it’s not enough. it never would be, no handful of hours enough to make up for the months apart.

what do you wanna do now that you’re back home? you’re in-charge of what we do… as per usual! he knows kian means no harm, he never does, but why does it feel a little backhanded? nicky knows he’s not above scrutiny, he’s a little too controlling, he’s not a good person. “i don’t know.” he admits, feeling a little fried after traveling for so long. “i’m tired. i want to talk to you. not here, though. so let’s just… go home?” it’s a suggestion more than a demand, just out of character enough to betray a glimpse of nicky’s fragility.

[kianbe]

they say that everything is timing, and it seems that, whenever it comes to down to kian and his relationship with nicky, the timing has never been right. they spent so long as friends and made so many memories together, but ever since they tried to transition into something more than just tight-knit camaraderie, not much has gone right; at least in kian's eyes. for one thing, his rigid training schedule demands most of his time, especially with a probable debut on the horizon. for another, even prior to nicky deciding to study abroad for six months, they were having a difficult time connecting on a more intimate level.

whenever kian wanted to lean further into "feeling like boyfriends", he was pushed away. every time that he wanted physical affection, he was rejected and made to feel wrong for it, whether that was nicky's intention or not. any mention of dates, quality time, or closeness was met with coldness; rousing insecurity within him. these instances, along with nicky's his usual prickliness, never sat right with kian. sure, he'd gotten used to his attitude during their years upon years of friendship, but it started to hit him differently after they chose to strengthen their bond with romance.

it started to hurt more.

honestly, this has created immense confusion within him, an inner conflict that's haunted him during their time apart. he feels bad because of it, but he still can't help but feel like his needs were never met, and has no idea if they can even be met now that he's returning. it's not that he's completely lost hope in this. kim kian never, ever loses hope in himself, or in the people he loves. that's not in his character. however, despite his optimism, the worries persist, even now that he's literally waiting for nicky to greet him after his flight.

though, he's momentarily snapped out of his daze whenever he hears his name being called, and as he turns his head, he feels a tidal wave of warmth crash into him; one that, for right now, overpowers the remnants of doubt and indecision.

grinning from ear-to-ear, kian meets nicky halfway and is very quick to wrap his arms around him; pulling him into a huge bear hug, like old times. "mmm," he hums, taking a moment to inhale his scent and feel the comforting weight of his sturdy frame. he can't tell if the heart he feels beating against his chest is his, or nicky's, but he chooses not to dwell on it for now; loosening his grip. "you still smell the same," kian adds, that same grin still on his face. "it's... weird seeing you, but not in a bad way. i just feel like we've both had so much happen recently, and like, we've both kind of changed, but at the same time, we're still just... us."

his statements don't make a ton of sense, but his exhaustion is largely to blame for that. hopefully nicky is able to comprehend his words. "are you hungry, or did you eat plane-food? did you sleep on the plane, too? what do you wanna do now that you're back home?" the onslaught of questions isn't meant to be overwhelming, he just knows that if he didn't ask all of them at once, he likely would've forgotten one or two.

"you're in-charge of what we do... as per usual!"

reunion.

@kianbe

six months in europe both flew by and dragged on oh so slowly. in some ways nicky thought the day he returned home would never come, and in others he has no idea where the time went. he knows he should be grateful for the experience, that the course he attended can only help him in his future should he decide to pursue the entertainment industry once again. but while he was there, he often wondered if it was a waste. it was clear to him that there was somewhere else he'd rather be, someone else he'd rather talk to than the dozens of foreigners he struggled to relate with. nicky can barely relate with most of his own countrymen, after all. it was a lonely, bitter six months in some ways. but also the best thing he ever did, based on what he learned.

all said and done, nicky can't wait to see kian again.

his father is working again and while nicky had planned on just taking a cab home, he's never said no to kian's company before. why should he start now? he'll admit, there's a level of anxiety fluttering around in his chest. kian will always be his best and closest friend but... what about everything else? the sloppy confession and tentative kisses, date nights and falling asleep to the sound of each others' breathing. nicky knows better than to assume that they can just pick things up exactly where they left them off. he told kian, six months ago, don't wait for me. kian has never told him about anyone special in his life in the six months they've been apart, but that doesn't mean there hasn't been a suitor, someone better at showing kian the love he deserves, knocking on the other boy's door. it scares nicky. as much as he knows kian owes him nothing, he doesn't want to find out how jealous he can be if someone else has what he covets.

as he collects his luggage and follows the flow of the crowd past customs and security checkpoints, the nervous bubble grows so large nicky worries about the impact it'll make when it pops. and then he sees him, kim kian in all of his warm, bright, smiley glory, waiting for nicky to return home. for a moment nicky imagines a dramatic movie moment, running into his friend's arms and knocking him to the floor with a long overdue kiss. but no, nicky doesn't know what's in store for them anymore. the uncertainty keeps him a bit hesitant but he still smiles when he calls out his friend's name, seeking his attention. "kim kian!"

[kianbe]

WHEN A MAN'S IN LOVE... 김기안 → SOLO, XMAS CONCERT.

every word that his hyungs have told him over the last few weeks race through his head at a breakneck pace, and though they offer reassurance and comfort, kian realizes that he also needs to learn to stand on his own two feet. while he's fortunate to have so many of his seniors cheering him on, including his older brother and sisters, he knows that they're putting their faith in him, too; entrusting him to give a stellar performance, especially in terms of vocal ability, as he's the newly announced main vocalist of whatever group project green manifests for them.

while he knows he can lean on them when he needs to, he also needs to have solidity of self, as they need to be able to use him for support when needed. that's what it means to be a part of the team, and it's something that he takes rather seriously. being the youngest doesn't excuse him from participating in ways that aren't just performance-based. they're all coming together to create a unified band of brothers, all of whom are making themselves brave enough to present their skills to the masses, come hell or high water.

that's what he's hoping to prove on stage tonight, and after siwoo introduces them and they're milliseconds away from launching into 'man in love', kian takes one final deep breath; letting any tension leave his body, focusing solely on what he's spent time perfecting up until now, and as the arrangement begins, he lets his heart-and-soul take the wheel. they set steer him on the right path, and his impeccably warmed-up voice becomes drenched in heartfelt passion.

every word that he sings contains his entire being, and at the end of the song, when he sets himself up for his big sustained note, he plants his feet down, rooting himself in this moment, and sends it into the rafters; powerful, supported, resonant. it drums up so many feelings inside of him that tears well up in his eyes right after; burning his ducts in a manner that feels so good, despite it how it looks.

this emotional release is captured by onlookers, yes, but he hopes that it only adds to their moment. this is exciting. it's overwhelming. it's only natural to feel so stunned and awestruck. the one good thing about this unleashing of emotions, though, is that, once he takes a second to calm down, he feels much lighter for 'siren'; his feet able to expertly perform the choreography now after weeks upon weeks of mastering it with the others.

at the end of it all, he's filled with so much love, and he's so grateful to be here, and the first thing he does when he gets backstage is crumble into the arms of the others to give them all the love he feels; hoping that they can feel it, too.

[kianbe]

"it's... nerve-wracking to not know what type of music we'll be working on, huh?" he interjects after luciel highlights their lack of a concept. sure, the two of them can sit here and guess what sound would complement them, as well as the others in the group, but until they're given their first "real" project, they're all taking shots in the dark—completely unaware if any of them are even close to hitting the pesky bullseye in the center. "siren" sort of gives them a taste of what's to come because, why would they make the song somewhat public if it didn't serve a purpose somehow? if it didn't give the audience a taste of what's to come next?

there are so many questions, but kian tries not to get too distracted from spending time with luciel. he knows that once his sleepy train of thought gets stuck on a specific track, he won't hop off for several stops. it's not a trait of his he's proud of, not all the time, so he does his best to keep it at bay. "for what it's worth, we're both in charge of the group's sound. haneul, too. all our voices are so different, but i think we all are stronger at different things. it's a perfect mix!"

always optimistic, his spirits are once again lifted up high, and he's eager to see what they can come up with together in order to make their performance at the concert even better than planned. after all, two (or more) heads are better than one, right? that's what he's always believed anyway. "the synths are definitely eighties-inspired. it's my favorite part of the song; it gives it the perfect feel. like you said, it fits so well with this time of year!"

nodding at the idea of trying to harmonize to see what happens, kian sits up straight, then familiarizes himself with the key of the song by humming a portion of the chorus first. "you wanna take the melody, and i can try adding a higher harmony on top of you? your voice is more grounding and full, so i think we should try it that way first. that, and well... when you lead the chorus in the middle of the song, it comes out the best." he admits, then feels bad as he doesn't want it to seem as though he's disparaging his or haneul's skills.

"l—like i said, there's just something so rich about your tone!"

strangely, even though luciel knows he has to work harder knowing that they’re getting closer to debuting, he’s slightly more relaxed this time around. perhaps he’s been working himself too hard the month prior. he made a mistake of not… taking care of himself, it sounds baffling, really. he’s usually the type to schedule his time well. maintaining good health is crucial if he wants to deliver more than just-good performances.

he gets a little surprised when the boy leans onto his shoulder. luciel is the younger sibling in his family ( not that he knows how it feels like to be one, apart from those few times when his own brother tried to bond with him ), and he finds it amusing how he keeps encounter younger sibling types of friends. he doesn’t thinks he’s good at this sort of thing — comforting someone.

“don’t sigh, kian. being lead vocalist isn’t that bad too, you know? the main vocalist needs the lead vocalist to shine, and it applies the other way round too. i’ll support you, just as you would for me,” luciel gives several pats to his head. “maybe your voice is what they’re looking for, who knows?” he doesn’t exactly knows what kind of concept they’ll have, it’s plausible for them to have a completely different concept that wouldn’t resemble any of their performances they had practiced thus far. he remembers seeing articles about trainees training for cuter fresh concepts, only to turn around and debut with a more cool and chic concept. only time will tell.

getting compliments for his voice is certainly something luciel hadn’t expected, though. he never saw it as anything unique or interesting, and envied those with a nice voice. “warmth? that’s new,” he gives off a laugh. “the song is fitting for the season too. rather euphoric and lifting, right? i heard the synths are eighties-inspired too,” he comments. “wanna try harmonising anyway? just to get a feel of it. we’ll still practice the original one, but we could ask later if we could make some changes.”

[kianbe]

one thing that doan's told him about being an idol is that, regardless of whether or not tensions spike and issues arise, it's important to view your group-mates as your brothers. having grown up in a rather big family that he adores so much, kian knows all too well that siblings don't get along one-hundred percent of the time. that's not really how love works, anyway, not to him. ultimately, feelings get hurt, arguments ensue—it's not always sunbeams and wild flora.

sometimes it's rain. others it's cold as winter snow. no matter the weather, it's important to remember that, when times get tough, it's best to stick together and blaze through it all together.

although they're still very much getting a feel for one another, kian has every confidence that he, and his future members, will continue to forge a bond unlike any other. with noel and siwoo working as the glue that keeps everyone connected, he's sure that they'll make some sort of history while hand-in-hand. so, as he looks up to noel—both in a literal and figurative sense—he feels such a heightened sense of fondness for him, and as a compliment about his voice is given to him, the apples of his cheeks redden with a blush.

"thanks!" he singsongs, glad to know that his skills are appreciated, especially by one of his seniors. "honestly, this feels ... jeez, it sounds really cheesy, but it feels right... somehow, we were all carefully pieced together, and we all vibe well, and we sound good together, and we look good together... in a way, it makes me think that lime entertainment really does know what they're doing!" there's a certain excitement in his voice that's contagious, effervescent.

"i know we're meeting up to work, but i think celebrating is just as important, too. we've been working hard, we deserve some back-patting!" with that, he reaches up and does just that, then leaves his palm on noel's shoulder. "can't wait to spend the next several years together, hyung! this concert is just the start! pretty soon, we'll be performing in huge arenas!"

kianbe

NEW CHAPTER김기안 → 이노엘

upon arrival, he carefully opens the door and unveils noel, and the second they lock eyes, he bows his head to greet him; beaming. "i'm sorry i'm a little behind!" he never wants to seem disrespectful, especially since noel is his senior. "i got a little sidetracked loading up this basket... which is for you!" he exclaims, presenting it to him with a smile. "maybe it's weird of me to say, but you've been really kind to me throughout this process, and i wanted to show you thanks... "i don't think i'd've improved much as a dancer if it weren't for you, so thank you!" it's honest and sincere, and hopefully not too flustering. "it's also a congratulations to you, too, noel!" this is something he didn't want to forget to highlight, too. "center? that's a huge deal! there's no one more perfect for it than you!"

the more time he spends in project green, the more real it feels, there’s actually a possibility of debut. noel can barely believe it, two years ago he wasn’t even interested in dance nor did he know anything about the idol world, now he was fighting his hardest to debut and become an idol. next gen had been hard, he was very obviously not very skilled on the show, and it had taken some time after the show before he felt confident or good about his skills, and now he was confident in his skills, felt like he could possibly debut.

he’d grown fond of his fellow project green members. majority of them he had barely spoken to prior to project green, now he saw them every day, during practice and in their dorm, and seeing them so much had quickly made him grow closer to the others, now he didn’t just wish for his own debut, he wished for everyone in project green to debut, and preferably together.

there’s a lot to do in project green, always a new mission sent their way, and this time they’ll be performing siren and man in love for the christmas concert. noel is already confident enough in siren so majority of his focus is on man in love (though he does make sure to practice siren here and there still), the dance is easy enough to get down and he’s quick to learn it, he mainly has to practice his singing and rapping, but he still wants to make sure he does everything perfect for the dance.

he’s in the middle of looking over a video he took of himself practicing the dance, attempting to spot any mistakes or anything he could do better, so he gets a bit surprised as kian comes in. he stands up, a surprised expression on his face as kian speaks and he sees the basket. “ah…you’re too kind, thank you” he places a hand on the younger’s head, ruffles their hair “thank you to you too” he smiles “you’ve learned me a lot and helped me improve”. “ah” he scratches his head “it still hasn’t completely sunk in… center? i’m so… happy, but surprised as well… and congrats to you too! you deserve main vocal, i’m already looking forward to hearing you sing again, your voice is beautiful”.

[kianbe]

kian won't lie, he's a little worried about the wellness of his voice. he's been singing so much lately—more than that, he's been performing so much lately, adding a whole other layer of stress and exhaustion. he knew this amount of arduousness would become his lifestyle in time, but finally putting it into practice is revealing to him that maintaining his health is of utmost importance. in order to keep up with demands, to be at his best for the stage, he needs to pour time into self-care. hopefully after the christmas concert, he'll be able to take a long rest; give himself a much-needed, well-earned break.

not because he wants to stop working hard, but because he knows that, in order to improve, remembering to slow down sometimes is crucial. his older brother gave him that advice ages ago, and well, for as annoying as doan can be, he's been an idol for quite awhile now. if anyone knows how the story goes, it's him.

honestly speaking, he doesn't even remember the last time he saw doan. he misses him. a lot. while it's not exactly the same, it makes him grateful that he has so many seniors surrounding him. sure, they all treat him as if he's five years old, and yes, it does get on his nerves, but he won't deny that it's comforting sometimes... especially now. so, when luciel sits next to him, and ruffles his hair, and coos calming words at him, kian decides not to shrug it off.

instead, he leans into it; closing the small gap between them completely so he can lean his head on luciel's shoulder. "thanks!" he begins, then sighs. "it's nice knowing that i proved myself worthy of the role that i wanted, you know? though, if it were up to me, we'd share the title and you'd be a main vocalist, too." he knows that luciel's fine with how things shook out, but he still stands by what he said. "i know, i trust you all. means a lot that you all trust me, too."

lifting himself up to look over the sheet of music with luciel, he considers the question he's asked carefully; humming in thought. "honestly, i'm really excited to perform this song. i think it suits all of us well, and your voice is going to sound perfect with it. you have that really nice warmth to your tone—it'll work so well with the arrangement!" that's something he slightly envies about luciel. the timbre of his voice is so rich. kian's is more bright and ringing.

"i kind of wish you and i could harmonize during the choruses. they're meant to be sung in unison with the melody, but i don't know. i think adding more color and dynamics there would be cool. are we even allowed to change stuff like that?"

vocal line ♰⸝⸝ starter for @kianbe

the position reveals were as expected. being lead vocal suits luciel, he has no qualms about kian holding the position of main vocalist either. it’s clear as day that he holds an immeasurable amount of passion and love for singing, so the boy deserves to hold onto it with pride. not to say that luciel himself is lacking that passion, he simply believes this direction is the best. after all, singing is only something he picked up rather recently. he still has a long way to go.

in the practice room during their vocal warm ups, luciel sits down next to their youngest. he throws him a reassuring smile, gives into the urge of ruffling the boy’s hair, “the baby has gotten himself a great position, how does it feel? we’re all proud of you.” he starts off the training session with some gentle words of encouragement. luciel never found a good opportunity to practice one-on-one with kian, it’s their first. “you’re talented, kian. but if you have any worries lingering at the back of your head, be sure to let them out.” after observing and living with him for a few months, he notices that the boy has a tendency to be emotional over things, and being too harsh on himself. “it’s always alright to trust your hyungs, and you have five of them too.”

luciel then turns to their papers, something he’s gotten used to by now, and also something he’s been relying on lesser these days. “so, does our main vocalist has to say anything about the song, vocally? i’d like to hear your thoughts,” he adds in a soft chuckle, purposefully bringing up the position once more as a tease. although, luciel does wants to know his thoughts. on a few occasions, he’s heard some of kian’s passionate rambles about vocal works, and it was rather informative and intriguing.

[kianbe]

NEW CHAPTER 김기안 → 이노엘

somehow, kian and noel have ended up helping one another out kind of a lot throughout project green. whether it be with his dancing, or with noel's singing, they're quick to lend each other a helping hand, if needed. now that they're faced with yet another challenge, one that naturally adds a lot more excitement to their dispositions, kian not only wants to work on 'man in love' together, but to celebrate all their accomplishments. the two of them, along with the rest, have come so far, and it's incredible that they work so well together.

teamwork and morale are hugely important, and so far, everyone is falling in line with both things; fostering a creative environment with immaculate vibes. sure, it's not likely to continue this way forever, but wanting to continue the trend, he's rushing toward the rehearsal space they secured with a basket of seasonal fruits in one hand, and two paper cups of tea in the other. they're going to need the fuel during their dancing, and kian's more than happy to provide.

upon arrival, he carefully opens the door and unveils noel, and the second they lock eyes, he bows his head to greet him; beaming. "i'm sorry i'm a little behind!" he never wants to seem disrespectful, especially since noel is his senior. "i got a little sidetracked loading up this basket... which is for you!" he exclaims, presenting it to him with a smile. "maybe it's weird of me to say, but you've been really kind to me throughout this process, and i wanted to show you thanks...

"i don't think i'd've improved much as a dancer if it weren't for you, so thank you!" it's honest and sincere, and hopefully not too flustering. "it's also a congratulations to you, too, noel!" this is something he didn't want to forget to highlight, too. "center? that's a huge deal! there's no one more perfect for it than you!"