kierras

[kierras]

kiara's not sure if jj's distinction really makes her feel any better or not. what's it matter how far they had gone? the fact that he had been with someone else at all cuts her all the same. and besides, for all she knows they had been on their way to his bedroom or the backseat of the twinkie to carry on so she doesn't say anything, instead just shaking her head and clenching her jaw. despite herself, she can't help the mental image of jj and someone else wrapped up together, a sick, sinking feeling accompanies the stinging behind her eyes.

"what am i supposed to think, jj?" she asks again, eyes shining and voice cracking. the past few weeks have sucked, to put it lightly, and kiara had been holding onto a shred of hope that she hadn't been alone in that. that he had been just as torn up about their break up as she was, that it had hurt him just as badly — but now that he's here, lipstick stains on his neck, she didn't know how she was supposed to hold onto that. especially when it had seemed like he was just going to push forward, keeping her an arms length away and doubling down on everything. until his own frustrations bubble over in a way she hadn't been expecting.

she keeps her jaw clenched, teeth grit together. "i would never think that." her brows furrow, head shaking. jj's self image is shaky at best and kiara knows that, but she has never seen him as something that holds her back. "and i would never do that to you. even if we weren't.... you're my best friend — we've been friends forever. i wouldn't leave you behind." no pogues left behind, right? it's something their ragtag group had lived by forever.

“what?” jj’s scoff was matched with a rough tug on his hair. hard enough that some strands stayed stuck between his knuckles. “who the fuck said we were having sex…we made out.” maybe if the bathroom in the chateau wasn’t the size of a coffin, things would’ve gone farther. Probably would’ve gone farther considering jj’s going down a self-destruct spiral and the easiest way to get kiara to hate him was to hook up with someone else. it already seemed to be working. emily, the tourist that squeezed jj’s biceps a little too hard and danced a little too close to him, had suggested moving to the bedroom that she had seen jj throw some of his stuff into earlier, but he had refused. he was in self destruct mode, sure, but that was too far. only one girl got to go in that room with him.

and she probably would never want to again. 

but that’s what you wanted. the voice — far too close to luke’s — in the back of his head taunted, as he stared into the big brown eyes that still made him weak at the knees. “don’t do that...” his defenses were climbing back up the smaller jj felt as he stood there. he didn’t know what to say, because how do you say the idea of it makes me sick too, which is why i had to get drunk to get to this point and be believed? honestly he wouldn’t believe him either. all the fight was leaving his chest and he shrugged. “yeah kiara, surprise. i feel like shit right now. you won’t believe me, and that’s fine. because you know what’s fucking harder? not showing up to your house and telling you that i made the biggest mistake of my life ending things with you because i know that in the grand scheme, it’s better this way. because you’re gunna go do fucking amazing things and i’m just gunna be stuck here and you’ll realize i’m nothing but a brick tied to you, dragging you down and you’re gunna leave the way everyone else does. but i’m selfish as shit and i just want you so bad that i have to drown myself in the shitty ass drinks pope’s making and let some weird tourist drag me into a bathroom to keep myself from dragging you into my bedroom and apologize for the rest of my life.”

[kierras]

Kiara Carrera | 3x05

[kierras]

post-holidays depression got me a lil slow on here but i'm gonna be (hopefully) catching up/starting some new things this week <3

[kierras]

kiara whines, an embarrassing highpitched noise as she tries to jerk her head away from jj's touch. "don't hit me," she pouts, trying to slap away his hand from her cheek — and failing miserably. "m'tired, jay." she almost certainly has a concussion and probably some kind of lung damage from all the shit she's been inhaling. really, this is the worst case scenario for her. the roof collapsing on her was bad enough, but the hot firefighter she'd gone out with last week being the one to have to rescue her? she kind of wishes she'd been swallowed up by a sink hole instead.

she groans as he holds her eyes open, trying to squint against the pressure and close them against the light. "oh my god," she murmurs when he talks about their date and she's unsure if the heat on her cheeks is from the accident or his words. "shut up. you're being so mean to me right now." she blinks, eyelids feeling heavy as she tries to bring the blond in front of her into focus but his figure stays fuzzy around the edges. "how was i supposed to know you'd show up? there's no fire. wait, is there a fire?" kiara's memories are as fuzzy as her vision.

— it’s worse than we thought starters // accepting! — @kierras said: “just a little sleep?”

“no,” he said, moving the woman from his arms to the stretcher half hanging out of the ambulance in front of the giant building that was being evacuated. there was chunks of drywall caught between curls, particles of paint — probably just as old as the university — floating in the air as he sat the back of the stretcher up, making sure she didn’t have a chance to lay down. “gotta stay up until you’re cleared of head injury.” the blonde went through the motions of the vitals test he’s done a million times over, while his coworkers and campus security moved around them. he didn’t fully know what happened before they were called. all he knew was that part of the building collapsed and the town was small enough that he had to be called in on one of his days off. 

he didn’t think he’d see kiara this soon after their first date, and jackson definitely would’ve preferred better circumstances. making a note, jj pulled his pen light out of his pocket and turned back to the woman he carried out of the dusty disaster zone. “hey!” he said, patting kiara’s cheek. in the time it took him to take her blood pressure, she had closed her eyes. “what did i say?” once the big brown eyes were fixed on him again, jj held an eyelid open, knowing some of the glittery eyeshadow there would transfer onto his thumb, as he tested her eyes with the penlight. he’d apologize later. “stay awake.” he hovered over her, to do the same with the other eye before sitting back down on the ambulances bumper. he started taking notes. “y’know,” he said, a chuckle in his voice as he wrote. “this is probably the most a girl has done to get out of a second date with me…causing a roof collapse? was i really that bad of a time?”

[kierras]

kiara literally pinches herself, sure that she's got to be having some kind of hyper realistic fever dream and she's going to wake up from it once she feels the pinch. but nope, she doesn't. "topper and john b?" she repeats it again, voice torn between confusion and disbelief. "y'know i always kind of though the tension between them was gonna end with them killing each other — not kissing. " but if sarah and john b have both cheated on each other with topper, maybe it's not cheating at all — maybe they're just in a throuple together. the idea makes kiara's head spin. love is love and their relationship is their own business, but topper thornton is where she draws the line. "god. how sure are you? like... swear on your life sure?"

Louisa closed her eyes and took a deep breath, but when she spoke again, she wasn’t any calmer, but gestured wildly with her hands. “So, I was at the pier, okay? I wanted to get a slushie, because they have the purple and turquoise ones there, you know not just the usual colors, but the special ones. Anyways, so I was standing in line and looking down to the beach and saw John B, I dunno what he was doing, but he was doing something, when Topper came his way, like stomping, and I thought, they were about to fight and Topper pushed John B and he shoved back, I think, but then they grabbed each other and they were kissing! Mouth on mouth!” She stared at Kie and the shock was visible in her widened eyes. “And I looked away, because I was so shocked and when I looked again, they were gone. But it was them, Kiara.” Her expression turned to worry. “We have to tell Sarah, right?”

[kierras]

kie leans back against the headboard, shifting as jj situates himself into a laying position, his head pressed against her stomach. she smiles softly and feels an ache in her chest at his question, letting her fingertips scratch against his head gently. "yeah, i think she would be." a few weeks ago, kiara hadn't had a clue who larissa genrette even was. but she's done a some google searches since then, did her best to deep dive down jj's family tree. to say the woman was beloved would be an understatement. she had seemed to be sunshine personified, brightening up everything around her in a way kiara knows that jj does too. she had always wondered where he got that from because it certainly hadn't been luke. "after everything you've been through? how you've managed to come out of it? how could anyone not be?"

her fingers cards through his hair when he freezes at the mention of the house, something she had seen coming. it's a hard pill for all of them to swallow, but she knows it's especially crushing for jj. but that doesn't change the fact that it's happening — that their friends are making plans for where they're going to go when it does and that they need to do that too. "yeah. we could do a mini version of it." she doesn't know how well a houseboat would fare crossing the ocean to the other side of the world, but they can get the ball rolling. "go from one coast to another or something. let the dust settle a little. clear our heads. and then maybe we can come back and see what our options are." she has no idea if getting this place back is even an option or not, but if it is she wouldn't be opposed to it. "or whatever. i don't care. as long as we do whatever we do together, right?"

she had a point — which isn’t surprising, kie always seemed to understand how he was feeling and it always seemed to be better than he did — and it helped a little. but it was also something he had struggled with for a long time. before all the treasure hunting, when it was just the pogues trying to live their lives on the cut, it was hard for jj to be around big john and john b when they were bonding, or the heywards when they invited him to dinner. it was just too pleasant, and while he loved that his friends had family that loved them, it was hard for jj to maneuver. it was why he was so ready to jump at the chance to help when kiara’s parents were threatening to kick her out. he knew how to deal with parents being shitty. and after dealing with it alone for so long, he wasn’t about to make kiara shoulder that responsibility by herself. “y’think she would be?” he asked into his girlfriend’s shoulder. “proud of me, i mean.”  their breath was mingling together as kie bumped their noses together and jj laughed ruefully at her question. “nah babe, the universe is kinda kicking our ass right now,” he mumbled, chasing kie’s kiss to steal another before shifting so his head was resting against her stomach, calloused fingers tracing the jut of her exposed hip bone as they lay there. kie was talking, saying something about the house. the reminder that they were losing the house made jj freeze for just a second before blue eyes glanced back up at her face. “a houseboat? we could take it to go on the surf trip…might be cheaper than airbnb’s right?” he hummed. “would be nice…and we could always come back when we’re ready right?”

[kierras]

leah's promise of fun is one that kiara is all too happy to accept, the pair linking arms and making their way across the island to rockfish where the drinks are a little watered down but they're cheap, so who can really complain? certainly not kiara. in fact, she's on her third margarita, carrying one in each hand as she swivels through the crowd back to the table she and leah had claimed. "alright, cheers," she holds her drink up expectantly after putting the other girls in front of her. "to... uh... getting off this island for once?" at least, doing so and not running for her literal life for once. "i can't believe you're going to greece — i'm so jealous. you have to send me pictures."

A soft chuckle erupted from Leah’s lips as she heard her words. “Damn straight,” she muttered with the brightest smile etched upon her features. A low hum of approval emitted from her throat. “Never Kie, between you and JJ you’re extremely adventurous,” she mused. “But this is going to be something hopefully more relaxing, and definitely not stressful for you, I hope,” she added quickly. She sighed in relief at her kind words. She was always able to make her feel more at ease within herself whenever she hung around Kie. With a shy smile gracing her features, we’re actually going to be going to Greece. My parents enjoy going to all the touristy thirst traps,” she giggled with excitement. She nodded, “Yeah, I think it’ll do me some good. The change of scenery certainly give me some inspiration. Either that or be completed by getting drunk every night,” she mused. “You read my mind. Yes please. Perfect. We’ll have plenty of those,” she answered, getting excited. She, too, shimmied her shoulders. “Come on, let’s go get wasted. Whoo,” she yelled with another chuckle. “The night is ours, Kie. I’ll make sure you have fun,” she grinned brightly.

[kierras]

"maybe, maybe not," she shrugs, humming a laugh. "now come on. show me what you've got up your sleeve."

'' please tell me you're kidding kie.'' she says with a laugh.. '' me and an orange jumpsuit do not mesh well together.''

[kierras]

kiara didn't want to dampen the mood again. the combination of being freshly showered and the post-smoke session haze had lightened things up considerably, the two finding themselves back in the comfortable warmth that so often envelopes them. so she'd kept her tone casual when she asked, knowing jj might feel embarrassed or uncomfortable about it — and the flush on his neck confirms that so she nudges his foot with her own gently in an attempt to keep him with her and not send him spiralling. "yeah, i guess so." she doesn't say it because she knows how terrible it is, but with every passing day the idea of big john coming back is becoming less and less likely. but she can't blame john b for holding onto the hope. "could always get your own place," she hums, shrugging. her lips purse when he mentions his dad and she does her best to keep her expression from souring. "you don't know him anything, you know."

sliding the piece of plastic back into his wallet, jj snorted. “yeah well, you should know better,” they’ve been — them — for a little bit now, and jj has gone as far as to snatch the wallet from kie’s bag to make sure she didn’t even try to take it out. from the outside, he was sure everyone was expecting kie to cover everything. she was rich after all. and jj — to the rest of the island — was a deadbeat, a mooch. he refused to be that with kiara, and he worked three jobs to be able to have the funds for things like this. so he’d never let kiara pay, no matter how misogynistic it may look to people. “y’know i take care of that,” hunger was the type of thing that jj had learned how to ignore for awhile. but tonight, with a takeout container sitting in front of him after his shower, he couldn’t avoid how starving he was. their fingers smelled like the joint they had outside earlier, when they wished sarah and john b luck on their outing to figure eight. but now they were alone and jj’s brain was cushioned by the weed and he was finally eating, so things were looking up. glancing up at kiara’s question, jj cleared his throat. “i mean,” he started, feeling a flush hit the back of his neck. “yeah i have.” it had been something that he thought about a lot actually. “just is a little hard, john b is still looking for his dad, right? this is technically his room so if i move in before he comes back, it might be a little awkward, y’know?” it felt like a loose excuse, and it sounded like one too, and he was just high enough to mention “and i’d feel bad for leaving my dad.”

[kierras]

god, this is so humiliating. here she's been heartbroken while life has gone on as usual for jj. "you can't believe i'd say that?" she echos his words, disbelief lacing her words. "seriously?" she doesn't know what he wants from her, doesn't know what else he expects her to think. "i'm on your mind so much that you have to go and have sex with the first girl to make a move at you?" the words are harsh and kie knows it but now that she's gotten going, she can't stop herself. her steely expression falters, despite her best efforts not wanting to show him just how much it hurts her when he admits to wishing that he didn't care about her. "yeah, it looks really hard for you." the laugh accompanying her words is nothing short of humorless, voice hitching and kiara feels the familiar sting of tears behind her eyes from the combination of anger and sadness. "you know, the idea of even letting anyone else touch me still makes me feel sick but yeah — you're right. it must be so hard for you."

he didn’t know it, but his own anger was matching kiara’s in a warped, funhouse mirror of their situation. isn’t it so funny that they’re still so in sync, even after he ended things. his anger was pounding in his ears, making his only a little buzzed brain stagger, sending his equilibrium out of focus until he was leaning against the doorway he was hovering in, like the universe was exhausting him. and in all honesty, it was. this had been what he wanted, wasn’t it? for kiara to realize that she deserved more than him. that he wasn’t worth the trouble. but why didn’t it feel the way he thought it would? kiara looked pissed off and he couldn’t shake the knee jerk reaction to want to fix her issues for her. that wasn’t his job anymore, he made that decision. blue eyes shot up at the accusation that it didn’t matter to him. “fuck that,” he said between the space of his gritted teeth. his anger was making his fingers tremble, but he wouldn’t yell at kiara. he wouldn’t let that part of luke maybank’s father ever see the light of day in front of her. “you don’t exist to me? kiara i wish there was a second that i didn’t have you on my mind. it would make my life so much fucking easier. and don’t…this matters. like a lot. and i can’t believe you would say that to my face.” he said, as if she could read his mind and understand the reasons that he didn't offer to kiara while he was breaking up with her. “this shit isn’t easy for me either.”

[kierras]

kiara loves their friends — after everything they've been through, the pogues are her family. more so than mike and anna carrera, more so than anyone. but jj is her family in a different way — in a way that's just a little bit more tangible, in a way that she won't have with anyone else. at the end of the day, no matter what happens, she knows that it comes down to the two of them. that she can count on him to do the right thing for her, to hold her hand through whatever life is going to throw at her, to build something real with her. so, no, she doesn't really feel bad about the fact that none of the pogues had been here for this step in their relationship and she doesn't really want to spend their first night married fielding questions from them about the whole thing.

she hums against his lips when he kisses her. "turn our phones off for at least twenty-four hours." she settles in, letting him pull her closer and drops her head to lean against his shoulder and watch him scroll through the pictures on his phone. there's more than she had been expecting, but she isn't complaining. "that ones nice," she murmurs, curling up even closer to him before picking her own, asking him to send it to her and posting it. "no take backs now," she says, switching her phone into airplane mode and stuffing it in her pocket. "it's out there for everyone to see — in like... twelve hours when they wake up." or whenever. the time difference between there and home was lost on her, with how often they skip timezones these days.

leaning up on an elbow, he stole the joint back from her as his question hung between them. holding the burning end of the joint away from them, jj ducked down to steal a kiss off kiara’s smoke warm lips. just because he could. because that was his wife. his wife. god he was never going to get tired of saying that. “i think they’re all asleep anyways,” jj said finally, leaning back into the sand beside kiara, pulling her ever closer, until almost every point of the left side of his body was touching hers. “also i don’t want to have to listen to them ramble about everything they’ve been doing while we’re gone.” the blonde loved their friends — their family — but after a few experiences on their last treasure hunt, it was hard to unnotice where their priorities lie, or the fact that john b was a little mad they weren’t invited on the surf trip. jackson took a drag off the joint before pulling his phone out of his pocket. there were texts that he’s been ignoring for days, and then a thread from a number he doesn’t have saved. the photographer. there were hundreds of pictures that he had finished editing, there were more on the way, he knew that much, but there were some good ones already. “posting you say? i think that would be fun…post on instagram, no notice, then turn our phones off for the night?” he held his phone over both their heads. “pick your favorite, this one’s mine,” his ringed thumb opens a picture of kiara and jj out of focus in the foreground, jj twirling kie around in the sand, while the sign declaring just married behind them was in focus. you could barely see their faces, but it was a whirlwind of a photo. just like the night had been.

[kierras]

— I already am who I am. KIARA CARRERA in OUTER BANKS (S1-3)

[kierras]

kie + the party fit in 3.07

[kierras]

OUTER BANKS (2020-) 2.10, “The Coastal Venture"

[kierras]

honestly? yeah. she does think something happened. there's a sinking pit in her stomach, anxiety coursing through her chest. but maybe that's just because she's so used to everything going wrong for them that she expects it now. she has always trusted her instincts in the past, now she questions everything.

"i don't know," she settles on, shaking her head, lips pursed together. "i think... if something happened we'd know, right? it'd be... louder. some kind of chaos we could see through the windows? everything still looks calm."

Not panicking is easier said than done given all of the shit positions they've found themselves in. But Kiara's right. Panicking won't do them any good right now. They don't have enough information to be panicking.

"Do you think something happened?" She asks. Sneaking a quick glance in Kie's direction. She knows the boys can handle themselves. But they've had a lot of situations start off harmless enough and then take a swift turn. They never really know what they're walking into, that's the part of all of this that never got any easier to take.

[kierras]

multifandom meme > [1.75/4] style goals - kiara carrera

[kierras]

@cass1es sent:🍸 find kie drunk.

it's difficult to say what is hitting kiara harder — the weed she'd smoked before coming here, or the beer she'd been pounding since her arrival. either way, she was feeling the effects of something. her thoughts are fuzzy around the edges, warmth spreading through her body and her cheeks are a flushed pink. "it's difficult to say what is hitting kiara harder — the weed she'd smoked before coming here, or the beer she'd been pounding since her arrival. either way, she was feeling the effects of something. her thoughts are fuzzy around the edges, warmth spreading through her body and her cheeks are a flushed pink. "woah, how are you doing that?" her brow furrows, words just slightly slurred. "like, not breaking your ankle. in those shoes and this sand. isn't that supposed to be like... the worst possible combination?" kiara's own experience in heels is limited at best, despite all of her mother's attempts and honestly, she's kind of impressed. "like, how are you not eating shit every other step?"