kill-ss-ingasuka

[kill-ss-ingasuka]

@morcheron @kingscrown666 @angelurja @tj-5 @sciencelounge @secretbonkgiantpeanut-blog @cheezbot 

Ray-Ban Sunglasses

[kill-ss-ingasuka]

@morcheron @kingscrown666 @angelurja @tj-5 @sciencelounge @secretbonkgiantpeanut-blog @cheezbot 

Ray-Ban Sunglasses

[kill-ss-ingasuka]

This Is Weird

Now that two of my idols, Aubrey De Grey and Elon Musk, have commented on this nobody’s crappy site this really reinforces the simulation/God-is-real/this-world-is-totally-fake vibes. I checked where the messages came from and it seems legit:

My hedonic tone didn’t increase as I think it should have for such a life changing event. But I did have a smile on my face for a long time. And I think…

[kill-ss-ingasuka]

Tongues Of Fire

Aubrey De Grey’s Parable of the Piano used to make a lot of sense to me but now I realize it doesn’t. The idea is: don’t do what others are already good at, make a difference instead. But if I followed this line of thinking I wouldn’t work out since there are already tons of people with great bodies out there. The thing is I don’t care so much about their bodies. I want mybody to be great.…

[kill-ss-ingasuka]

Tracing Ephemera

Thanks to “.” for telling me about 1P-LSD and ALD-52 and where I can buy them: chemical-collective.com Now I just need to change some dollars into bitcoin. It is sketchy that all these places only accept cryptocurrency but “.” tells me s/he has ordered from this place successfully and received his/her purchase within a week. If I succeed at buying bitcoin and then buy and receive some LSD…

[kill-ss-ingasuka]

Die! Die! Forgive Me And Die (Or Just Sleep)

I couldn’t stay surrendered. I did my workout today and caught up on yesterday’s. The amount of discomfort induced by squats is ridiculous. At this point it would be better if I didn’t care about my appearance and could just give up and take it easy. And what do squats do for my appearance anyway? But I probably don’t do it just for my appearance. I do it to anchor myself in something. I do it…

[kill-ss-ingasuka]

Timeless Tragedy, Diamond Of Regret

How many things would I sacrifice the phylum chordata for?

Sapientia Ianua Vitae (Wisdom is the Gateway to Life)

“Wisdom and compassion,” says the bodhisattva. I have no wisdom and have upgraded my compassion to indifference. The only wisdom I have is that of the squirrel jumping from tree to tree without falling. “Look. It knows what it’s doing,” said Matt. Perhaps it knows how to do it but…

[kill-ss-ingasuka]

You Of Little Dust In Your Eyes...

You Of Little Dust In Your Eyes…

Dreams are the closest I can get to the realization of selflessness, and of sunyata. In my waking life I am trapped in the sense of self. What’s more is that life seems to be an exercise in humiliation. I don’t get the appearance I want, I have to take shits, I have to grow old, I have erectile dysfunction, I got raised by low IQ people, I spent most of my years imprisoned sitting on a desk…

[kill-ss-ingasuka]

Draconically Numinous

Today I didn’t wake up feeling great but definitely better than yesterday thanks to Amalie and Valentine. Amalie was very kind to offer to be my friend. I would like to be her friend even if for some reason I can no longer feel people as “just people” – creatures like myself.

Today I have to workout double since I skipped yesterday.

I’ve noticed this weird shitty little superpower that I…

[kill-ss-ingasuka]

Ember of Enlightenment, Cherry Blossom of Pain

I feel alone and sad. I woke up very depressed today despite having a good dream. I feel trapped. I feel like crying but can’t. I feel melancholic about what my life has been like -– the things I’ve seen and those I haven’t, the moods I’ve felt and those I haven’t. My mom depresses me. I perceive her to be seriously stupid and annoying, besides being the host of pure evil for playing her central…

[kill-ss-ingasuka]

Mood

🐍 🍎 🌳

🔥 ✝️ 💧

I am alone. Everything is transitory. God exists. God is mean. I am worthless. I am everything. No one is real. I am being punished. Causality is timeless. Religions are deceitful. DMT is needed. Science is fiction. History is fabrication. Love is absent. Beauty is salvation. Pleasure should be. Torture is inevitable. Their suffering is simulated. My suffering hurts. The girl…

[kill-ss-ingasuka]

Fifth Day In Dominican Republic

Today is the last day here. I woke up feeling like shit, and I skipped breakfast. The experience here in Punta Cana was simultaneously super impressive and super disappointing. It was super impressive because I still have a hard time fathoming the deep intelligence that runs through everything so that it all works. It was super disappointing because it was all for nothing – I was not happy.

Th…

[kill-ss-ingasuka]

Fourth Day In Dominican Republic

Seeing all people as my direct and indirect servants who are not real like me does help. It doesn’t help with my loneliness but it helps with not feeling that this universe is so evil. It is perhaps a mean prankster but not pure evil the way it would be if people were real. I’ll make that trade any day – to sacrifice the conscious reality of humankind in order to attain peace of mind. And it’s…

[kill-ss-ingasuka]

Third Day In Dominican Republic

I woke up kind of down today. I looked down from the balcony and there was a father with his two young daughters feeding the water fowl. I couldn’t help but feel the presence of a tremendous evil in him. What could he be thinking when he decided to bring them to this world? Then I felt the reminder that they are not like me. They are actors in an elaborate movie and I am the real spectator…

[kill-ss-ingasuka]

Second Day In Dominican Republic

There are flamingos, ducks, herons, and peacocks and no excrement. It doesn’t make any sense. Are these animals from the Garden of Eden? No one is quickly cleaning up after them. There is just literally no excrement. My mom says they were trained to only defecate in the water. I don’t know how that would be possible, but then again, I don’t know how anything else of this is possible. I don’t…

[kill-ss-ingasuka]

First Day In Dominican Republic

On my first day in the Dominican Republic, no let me start with the plane ride. Clearly it was impossible. I cannot and will not believe that people like myself figured this all out. If I was way smarter I wouldn’t doubt that people were like myself. There must be a reason why I’m this dumb, I’m meant to see it a certain way. But anyway, I was going over my argument for why people aren’t…

[kill-ss-ingasuka]

Apotheosis Gilded In Vague Chrysanthemums

“Unreal sex of those angels that never got into heaven!”

“I am speaking seriously and sadly; this matter is not a joyful one, because dream joys are sad and contradictory and, for that reason, pleasurable in a particularly mysterious way.”

“Halo-thin Flame”

“Twilight of Vague Flesh”

“To love is merely to grow tired of being alone: it is therefore cowardly and a betrayal of ourselves. (It is…