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this blog layout still slaps.

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⸻  ❛ a modern interpretation of ben organa-solo sans the force . *

themes of * ego death, kill your darlings, grief, loneliness, cowardice, loss of agency, hurting those closest to you, death of a childhood friend, living with consequences, quiet violence, religious imagery, assault.

¹ inbox open, ² open to new followers, ³ rules below.

¹ ⸻  this blog is based solely on the vibes of rian johnson's ben solo in the last jedi. a desperate cheap imitation of a man attempting to become through violence & sheer force of will. in desperate need of ego death, going through the grief of losing a best friend (tai), and blaming our parents - wishing even that they were dead. i prefer to write 1-2 paragraphs at most as i have little time & inspiration unless plotting extensively ( which i'm very open to ).

² ⸻  i often will follow first . i have many blogs ranging from supernatural to slice of life . they can be found at : @011994 (allison argent), @bluntache (dean winchester), @aliterary (multi), @baitlure (will graham).

³ ⸻  benjamin bail [skywalker] organa-solo , born in chandrila, england outside of london; living between his mothers family there & his fathers franchise hq in falcon, colorado. male, he/him, 28, bisexual.

DIRECT FAMILY. HAN SOLO, LEIA ORGANA. EXTENDED FAMILY. LUKE SKYWALKER, MAZ KANADA, JESUS 'CHEWIE' ALVAREZ, LANDO CALRISSIAN, TAICHI 'TAI' YAGAMI.

⁴ ⸻  i appreciate and enjoy writing relationships. they can be negative or positive, so long as the relationship is changing and evolving in some way. i least like one liners without plotting as i have no idea where to take the roleplay. i often play to vagueness if given no direction.

⁵ ⸻  general information for ben solo in this interpretation .

please read full information here .

some triggers may be : mental illness (anxiety and ptsd), violence towards self and others (hitting things, breaking things), screaming & yelling, toxic behavior, etc.

short version: ben is manipulated by snoke. his best friend taichi dies. he spirals. his parents don't believe him and neither does luke.

⁶ ⸻  verses .

my main arc is not magical or special, etc. however, i'm very open to the following fandoms and writing in them as i can find space for him ! GEN V , XMEN , WITCHES/MAGICAL , SPN , RES. EVIL. ,

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I'M MOVING BEN TO A NEW BLOG. after i think like 4 years, it's time for a fresh start because i simply want to write ! please like & lmk if i should follow you!!!!

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i want to write on ben but it feels like no ones around . if you want to hmu im on @aliterary , @bluntache , @baitlure , @011994 .

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I ACHE , a pain from deep within : devouring my blooming guilt , it builds alters inside me . YEARNING FOR THE BLADE of regret between my ribs once more , I ACHE : but not for absolution . my gaze sharpened against your knife ; empathy is not regression . it is a new weapon , to know thine enemy as you know yourself. I ACHE to change you just as you ache to devour me. / @baitlure , ind. will graham of nbc hannibal .

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ind. vinsmoke sanji of the one piece live action netflix series !* ft. on aliterary . written by bast .

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"Oh, if you knew just what a fool you had made me..."

Truth Saga in lyrics: Lydia x Tori - Stray Italian Greyhound by Vienna Teng.

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I blame myself for their death knowing there was literally nothing I could've done

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sheresists​: 

rey collapses onto the chaise in her room with a great heaving sigh.   the last few weeks have left her weary ;  it has been busy enough between her hosts surprising her with a celebration altogether more grand than a simple birthday could ever call for , and the subsequent callers after just such an occasion  …  and yet , all she ever seems to care to think about is the lack of a letter.   rereading the two she has from him , how is it one she’s never actually met can have such a hold on her?   she is not wanting for friends , thinking of the fast ones she’d made at the party who often come as early as breakfast to sometimes spend whole days with her  –-  and yet she truly yearns for only one , arguably the first one she made upon arriving here.   she doesn’t dare let her disappointment seep through the facade for fear of seeming ungrateful , after all  –-  though rey wonders if , perhaps , she ought to have damned all modesty and convention and boasted about her birthday having been some days before the arrival of his last letter.   she’s certain she could have worked it into her reply in such a way as to amuse him , though she’d worried coming off as an excitable child.   the letter might have taken time to reach him with all his business and travels , but perhaps he might have appeared in the ballroom the night of his parents’ surprise for her though , if only she’d asked.

she bolts upright with the light knock and turning of the knob , a man peeking in with a tray  –-  oh , oh.   just as swiftly as she’d sat up , rey leaps to her feet in an entirely undignified manner and meets the man before he even has need to step across the threshold.   it must be him , it must be  –-  and then the man places a small box into her waiting hands as well , and rey could collapse again.   when the man leaves her , she nearly does , grinning ear to ear as she dives onto her duvet , tearing open the letter with as much poise as she can muster else she risk ripping its contents apart.   she knows he has been busy , that he travels often , but after so many days  …

april 1840

i beg we forget my reproofs , which the days since i put pen to paper will have smoothed over in my own mind , thus leaving little use for such worries in yours.   i do not think you so impolite as warrants any apology , but rather , understandably discerning  –-  i am but a stranger in your home , one who has heard so much about yourself and yet who must still be quite a stranger in these letters too , no matter how poorly i might try and draw comparisons between myself and mother nature.   although i am afraid i must kindly correct you on two other points , one being that of my age  –-  i was seventeen , and now i am just eighteen  –-  and the other being that of your portrait , which portrays you exactly as you say excepting anything dull about it.   but please do not accept these as further marks against your manners , as it really is so happy to hear from you!   i do wonder though , are there really no women present who take part in matters of business?   how can men walk through this world with so few occasions for associating with them as to have such an effect on you?   what talents do you mean?

ink drips in the margins when rey hesitates a moment too long , thinking better of scratching down everything she has wanted to know about him that these days have sparked her imagination into wondering about.   another knock at the door startles her out of her reverie , her hosts calling her to dinner , effectively putting to an end her reply for the moment.   as she sits up , eyeing the paper regretfully , rey picks up the small box that had accompanied his long - awaited one , prying it open curiously.   her grandparents have never left her wanting , though she’s not so spoiled that this does not strike her for what it is  –-  fingertips grazing the delicate pink pearls , then plucking up the note with his familiar scrawl.   her cheeks dimple as she gently sets it aside with decided reverence and hurries to fasten the pearls around her neck , leaving her room to attend dinner as though a piece of him goes with her , there at home after all.

if you can continue to endure my many inquiries with no small amount of patience and supply them with answers , i would only gladly extend my forgiveness for your absence  –-  though nothing else requires so much regret on your part , however kind of you it is to think of me.   i might add here that shortly after beginning this reply , i was called away to dine with your mother and father and attended wearing the beautiful gift you sent.   i had such a feeling as if you were there that i will accept none other apology , as your thought and generosity touched even their hearts.   they had such smiles tonight that it is as though you gifted it to them themselves , i truly cannot thank you enough.

but you may also rest assured , your same dear parents aided me very well at every turn the other night  –-  with much of the curiosity redirected onto my grandparents , who arranged a visit as surprising to me as the celebration itself!   it would have marked the passing of the first birthday without them in attendance , a dreadful idea i was never more happy to have worried over for naught.   in your stead i made many a friend and have been so fortunate as to meet with them several times since , but i should have liked to have met you , too.

yes , perhaps you may return someday even sooner , so that we might stage a small concert for your mother together.   i should really like to hear you play as well , before i would surely sully it with my tune.

she moves her quill away before it leaves any more graceless stains at the letter’s edge , deliberating as her cheeks warm in ways that have little to do with the candlelight flickering so close.   he is so forward , declaring her his new comfort.   she has a thought that it may not be very proper , though his parents would never put her up to anything that wasn’t  –-  so surely he means it as friends do.   and perhaps the company of his colleagues truly is what it sounds , rey fancying that he is homesick indeed , missing his family but unable to express it.   his father is a humorous man , pretending at a gruffness that his wife sees through easily ;  perhaps ben solo is the same.   it would not do well to ignore that last passage altogether , for she might offend him if she does  …  so rey dips her quill back into her pot for fresh ink , and begins the ending to her letter.

though in truth , i must admit i am not so selfless as to think only of your mother in regards to such a visit.   i cannot tell you the agony it was to await your answer , nor the delight its arrival brought.   i believe that if i am homesick , it is quite an honor to find one with whom comfort can be found for the same.

     faithfully ,

          rey kenobi.

his friends are beginning to suspect him . he can tell from the way they watch the mail carrier , mirth tainting otherwise stoic features . worn down over long days and longer hours . unlike before , when nothing was of curiousness regarding ben solo ; now they cannot help but pry into his business . who has him so keyed up , what is on his mind ? he does his best to ignore the curiosities as they feel strangely juvenile and even feminine . men are to work , and be leaders of the people , not to stay up late wondering at what awaits them at home . perhaps , married men -- but never a man like himself , lonely , cold , and unlikeable . hux offends him with such direct questions . what are you keeping a secret ? who are you writing - surely not your mother . when ben finally admits his writing partner is of the feminine persuasion , hux is suspicious . questioning how - when ? ben tells him half truths , a girl his family knows . no one special . what a lie , what a desperate untruth he tries to feed himself . he wonders what the pearls might have looked like .

dear miss kenobi , 

i am truly sorry to have taken such a long time in writing this letter . it feels that no matter what i say , it will not be enough of an explanation for your continued waiting . i can only say that your patience is never taken for granted . our travels have been difficult these past days due to unforeseen weather but i assure you , other than ruined trouser legs , we have survived the worst of it . my friend , general hux has become determined to know more of you but i find myself unwilling to share . you have become a dear part of my personal pleasure and to share your words with another , one who knows so very little of you , feels untoward . 

i feel though , i should apologize as perhaps the lack of formality has been overly evident in my own writing . it has been sometime since i have had a friend . and knowing that now , we are engaged , it had given me a sense of informality that i fear may have made me seem less learned than i would like . i assure you that i would never be so forward upon our meeting and i should hope to regain any respect my earlier writings may have lost me .

tell me , if i am to return , what would you want of me ? my time ? my money ? my company ? my stories ? i worry , with great reason i suspect , that i will be entirely oversold and underwhelming . with each day we grow closer to meeting , i find myself more unwiling to return lest your affections become changed .

longingly ,

ben solo 

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mmm . . . i love the idea of one piece ben solo !! grandson of a great pirate (anakin) and a rich marines daughter (padme) , born to a rich ship yards daughter (leia) & a famous thief (solo) , nephew to an incredibly , talented marine general (luke) ! he is raised by luke until captain snoke convinces him to leave ; after the death of his friend tai at the hands of the knights crew , ben renames himself to escape his heritage & begins again as kylo ren . he would have observation haki to the level of precognition . whereas luke would have armanent haki and anakin conqueror haki . for the most part however , he would just be a very adept swordsman thanks to lukes training & his observation haki would be tapped into but nothing he's an expert with .

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sheresists​:

“ is that what you  –– ”     her lips part,  passing a noisy huff of indignation between,  before they curl to bare teeth in disgust,  brows furrowing above in outrage,  nose scrunching at the audacity of him to even entertain the possibility,  let alone concern himself over it   ––

“ sorry you’re such a twat that no one likes speaking to you,  satan, ”     rey starts in on him hotly,  fuming at the sheer ignorance coming off of him in waves.   how lucky for him that society would sooner high five him and stamp a red ‘ a ’ onto her.     “ but some of us mingle with the peasants in the office,  and to them it looks like i’ve slept my way to the top.  except that doesn’t actually make any sense,  because if that were the case,  surely i could have finagled my way somewhat past tortured assistant to you. ”     well,  if he hadn’t been about to do it over worries of harassment,  let her get fired and sent to some strange place for telling the truth.

"indeed,” hardly escapes his lips in hasty retort before he finds his attitude fouled by her own disgusted snarl . she talks like a woman scorned but he can’t find it in himself to accept his manner is the sole reason . ben finds himself standing , quickly , angrly ; hands flattened upon the cool black top of his over priced office desk .  “ and that’s what you think of me , is it ? ”

the question comes off so antagonized , that ben regrets the emotions he know will be sussed out by her immediately . flattened palms , push against the cool desk top harder , straining as they appear to try and break through the obstacle . he breathes , one in , one out , irritated .  “ well then , you should consider it a blessing . you won’t have to suffer through fake feelings for the devil himself . i’ll leave the details of our engagement in your apparently tortured hands .”

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so , i found my old windows computer ❪ bless be mac but it was such a pain in my ass when writing and doing any aes stuff ❫ .... anyways , i think maybe if i just leave it on my desk i'll write something . i tried looking around to see how on earth to use tumblr again rip me, its been like a year tbh . xoxo .

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currently writing at :

@bluntache , dean winchester / @011994 , allison argent / @enlaw , foggy nelson .

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currently can be found writing at the following !

dean winchester , allison argent , foggy nelson .

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Tony Kushner, Angels in America

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Send 👂 to overhear my muse talking about yours. hahaha

kylo falters, his boots seemingly catching on nothing. the floor is smooth, untouched and without err. yet he pauses, hearing snoke turn behind him - towards him , his robes making soft noises as it drags across the imposing throne before him. it reminds him of being a child, of the way snoke implored him to forget tai, to stop allowing the jedi to tame him, to bleed his crystal out. he doesn't turn towards snoke, too afraid in his heart, still fearful as a child would be of being lashed at for making too much eye contact. appearing to disagree in an impolite way would only bring agony for himself. instead he simply says, "armitage is not so stupid or so weak as to believe himself lesser than i. giving him such power, then expecting him to release it at your command, is dangerous. cruel even. i fear you are underestimating him."

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acharnemcnt-a​: 

❝  𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭  𝐢𝐬  𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝  𝐟𝐨𝐫  𝐦𝐞  𝐭𝐨  𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞.  ❞    Twinkling  eyes  gaze  up  through  heavy  lashes  as  he  catalogs  his  𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐦'𝐬  every  move,  keenly  aware  of  the  subtle  flush  bleeding  into  Ben’s  cheeks.  It  wasn’t  a  lie,  there  was  something  innately  charming  and  deliciously  vicious  about  the  man  across  from  him.  But  enchantment  was  𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐲  enough  to  stir  Armitage’s  interest.  Nevertheless  he  was  intrigued  by  the  curious  creature  on  the  other  side  of  the  small  table.  Ginger  lashes  kiss  freckled  cheeks  as  Armitage  blinks  slowly,  gaze  𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫  breaking  from  the  dark  hues  of  Ben’s  eyes.  

A  husky  little  laugh  reverberates  from  his  throat  as  plump  lips  curl  upward  mischievously.      ❝  Friend?  Why,  I’m  honored.  ❞    A  red  crowned  head  tilts  to  the  side  ever  slightly  as  his  eyes  𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞  the  silhouette  of  the  lawyer’s  form.  Charming  indeed.  And  clever  enough  to  dance  around  Armitage’s  𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥inquiries.    ❝  Though  I  doubt  you  make  friends  so  quickly.  ❞    He  clicks  his  tongue,  albeit  playfully.    ❝  Armitage,  you  may  call  me  Armitage.  ❞    The  model’s  lips  curve  upward  for  a  𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠  moment.    ❝  And-  I’m  rather  bored.  Would  you  object  to  leaving  this  hell  hole  in  pursuit  of  somewhere  quieter?  To  discuss  my  case,  of  course.  ❞

ben can feel his ears turning red, heated at the idea of being intently looked at. he thinks of his large ears, big nose, hulking size, and then the way he permanently scowls. it’s something he can’t change but he worries about the impression he’s giving until the laugh breaks the quiet moment between armitage’s gazing and speaking.

armitage smiles and ben knows that they’ve both placed delicate hooks into one anothers flesh. he’s happy to let the red head puncture his shallow outward veil if it means an easier hook for himself as well. he feels the others suspicions towards him and can only shrug, running a hand through black wavy locks and giving armitage another eye full of stoicism before determining what he should say.

 “bored already?” he hums, as if teasing, already standing and buttoning his blazer with his free hand. finishing his own almost empty drink with a quick chug.  “yeah, of course, i live to talk law with beautiful people. it’s the only thing that gets me out of my house.” he gives up a slight smirk, enjoying the back and forth more than he should.