kimturfrey

[kimturfrey]

God (Divine Will, Spirit, Universe, whatever your Higher Power looks like to you) has PERFECT timing.

If I can't grasp or sink into that truth then my life will move into the energy of disappointment. I become anxious and stressed as I step into my ego and try to make circumstances go the way I want them to. I become removed from my Godself and I become small.

I need to let go. I need to trust in Gods perfect timing.

And even though, the steps of the plan are often hidden from me, and I can't control how any of this will turn out, I just need to remind myself over and over, that I must have trust, and faith, and believe wholeheartedly, that what is meant to be mine, will always be mine ❤

[kimturfrey]

"The two wolves in me are not at war. In fact, they are lovers. The black wolf is powerful and reckless and howls at the moon. The white wolf is spiritual and kind and prefers bathing under the sun. They are polar opposites, therefore they are the perfect pair. I feed them both. I control them both.” ~ A.R. Lucas

The White Wolf is gentle in spirit and still. She waits on stillness. She is stillness. She is the spirit of acceptance, surrender and being. Knowing is her companion, but the knowing does not stop the pain she sometimes feels, in her ever so wide, deathless, open and available heart. The light of the Sun she bathes in is her Masculine. The Black Wolf. Powerful, strong and dangerous. For he is the above and she is the below. His ancient power represents the Sun and hers, the Moon.

She is yielding and submissive as she bows her head to the Black Wolf. It is the true submission of the Queen before her King. Her submission is the unconditional act of faith and trust. She yields to her Black Wolf, and to that which cannot be known — her inner, feminine power, the power of the Void. That which cannot be known by the mind, but only felt by the soul and experienced through the heart.

She closes her eyes to enter this space, for what she seeks can only be found within. Within her, she finds this path which must be felt, and then brought up and turned onto the Earth for the watering of all. In her darkness, in the seat of her womb, sits the seeds of new growth and of light.

In her yielding and the act of her submission, she holds and creates the space for her Black Wolf, for it is he who enters now to bring forth new life, the creation for the blessings of all.

He is the above, and she is the below. He is the light, and she is the darkness. All things that grow need the light and the heat of the Sun, but they also need the coolness and the calm of the Night to draw, inwards and downwards, that which they received from above and blend it with what lies below for the creation of all things.

In the space of her darkness, she calls to the Black Wolf who comes to her willingly, to offer her the balance that will heal and regenerate and make everything, all things, grow strong and true.

The Black Wolf comes and enters her space. The place she has prepared only for him. He strengthens her heart. He howls her pain, as it speeds along the channels he opens up and spreads out, up and onto the moon, illuminating that which is hidden, for she is the powers of the subconscious, and he is this power made manifest in the world.

He paces back and forth on the territories he roams. He is the ruler of kingdoms, keeper of domains, providing and protecting, always with the knowledge that it is she who brings forth all that he rules. This kingdom. They create it together.

This world they build together on the inside and reflect that truth onto all that they perceive with their own sacred hearts. The roots and the seeds that grew in the darkness of the inside, and were nurtured by the powers of the moon and the sun. Nurtured in the love of the soul, which can only be found in the hearts of the white and the black wolves.

The White and the Black Wolf call to us all. They are the inner and outer. They call us to unite, to make all things one, to merge the darkness and the light. To embody and become the progeny of the marriage of the sun and the moon.

The white and black wolf united in the eternal dance of the Sun and the Moon.

💫 ~ Kim

Art Credit : Dalkur @ Deviantart

[kimturfrey]

“A peony grows next to a rose. And, in your limited capacity to accept something new, you deemed the peony trash because it did not look or smell like a rose. You even missed that you were finally given a flower without thorns...... So intent you were in thinking you know exactly what a flower should be. The peony was an upgrade. One, you horribly missed because, to you, flowers and love always come with pricks.

Time to redirect. Time to open those eyes. The peonies are coming in with a great surprise. “ Sunni Gail Shafer

Why do we sometimes stay in relationships that we all know are toxic and bad for us?

Because sometimes, that is the only way we can learn. Learn that we deserve so much better. Learn that we are worthy of so much more. Sometimes, we need those feelings of discomfort. They help us level up. They show us the way to something bigger. And all we can do is. Lean. The fuck. In.

Many of us have been in toxic relationships. And often, we just keep going back. What we sometimes do not know, is that we have to keep going back until finally, we just do not care anymore.

All our friends, and anyone who cares about us, will tell us over and over how bad our situation is. And how we deserve so much better. But we will ignore everything they tell us. We will not listen to their advice. We will not look at all the signs and we will keep painting all the red flags green.

Why do we keep going back for more? We have to. Why? Because sometimes, we cannot learn any other way. No one can tell us what we should or should not do. We can hear or read all we like on narcissism, toxic relationships, and trauma bonding. But until we are ready to level up, we just need to stay there. Knee deep in the shit. The shit of our own making. Because at the bottom of all this, is the truth, that this experience, is everything we signed up for.

We have to learn and decide ourselves, that we want more. That we are more. No one else can tell us that. People can tell us over and over how amazing we are. But we will be unable to see it. And then, suddenly, through all the crap we experience in this relationship. Something happens. One day, after we try and try to make things better, we start to wake up to the truth. That when someone hurts you over and over, they really do not give a fuck. We realise, for ourselves, that we do deserve more.

When we see that truth, that they really do not care, that realization really hurts, and often we will turn that pain into anger and hate. Because we finally stop filling our heads with the bullshit. We learn to read between the lines, and we start to hold onto the facts. Because all of a sudden, we have to. Even though it hurts so much. We put away the fairy-tale of how we want things to be. And finally, we see how it really is. When we actually start to see how things really are, that becomes the start of the road that leads us towards giving up the anger and the pain, and we realise we actually do not care anymore either. And then we are truly able to say.... fuck that. I am done. And finally. We actually are.

The truth of our relationship often brings us to our knees. But it needs too. We need to be brought to our knees, because sometimes life does suck, but if we look back, we can always see there was a point to it all, and that we learnt some valuable lessons about ourselves.

And we can spend all day analysing what exactly we did learn, but sometimes we cannot know what this was until years later. But one day, we will see, and we will know.

So why do we stay in toxic relationships? Because in the end, it did not really matter what anyone said to you or did to you. What mattered is how you felt and what you needed to experience. That is why we all ignore the signs, and all the bullshit, and dive right in. Because this was a lesson we needed to learn. And our education could only be gained in those moments. And while we were in that school, maybe the truth hurt, and maybe we were scared. But when we finally rose up, and realized we deserved more. God that felt so good. It was the best feeling ever.

Maybe that relationship did not add up or makes any sense to you right now. But you know what does? The fact that everything that happened in that toxic relationship, pushed us to where we NEEDED to be. Not where we wanted to be. We had to learn first-hand, that if we wanted to rise in life, we had to fall first. And in the end we learnt one more thing. That no amount of heartbreak will ever make us forget who the fuck we are, what we bring to the table, and just how amazing we are.

All of these experiences also helped us open our eyes to one more thing. We learnt to stop being blinded by the beauty of the roses, and those other flowers we always ignored..... they started looking so good. We learned we could love without the pricks.

💫 Kim 💫

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