kindsail

[kindsail]

it’s not CLOCKING to you that i’m standing on BUSINESS with my shifting journey, is it ?

[kindsail]

holy

my criterion closet picks in my actress dr!! ✶

✶ polyester (1981) - “i watched this movie for the first time when i was about 15 years old & i remember instantly loving it. it’s rare that a comedy movie actually makes me laugh out loud but this one is just so perfectly executed i couldn’t help it !!!!”

✶ multiple maniacs (1970) - “this is another john waters film that i absolutely loved as a teenager, i probably shouldn’t have been watching it so young but it’s never left my brain. its so disgusting in such an impactful way that it was almost… funny?? i don’t know, i haven’t watched it since i was like 17 so i’ll definitely be watching this one when i get home”

✶ gregg araki’s ‘teen apocalypse’ trilogy - “i don’t know why i keep picking movies that i loved as a teenager, but this trilogy genuinely changed my LIFE i’m so serious about gregg araki. nowhere is my favourite movie ever and i have a poster of it hanging above my bed, i literally think about it every day it’s so perfect to me. the doom generation and totally f***ed up are very special to me too, i think i watched totally f***ed up like 3 times in one day once when i was 16.”

✶ dazed & confused (1993) - “this is a bad day cure for me. i loveee coming of age movies but sometimes they feel too heavy for a casual watch, this one is perfect though. i would give anything just to be a teenager in the 70s :(“

✶ mulholland drive (2001) - “this is my last one haha, i had to get something by david lynch !!! this was my favourite movie when i was like 13… knowing i’ve worked with him now would’ve put me in a coma. this movie is so passionate, you can really tell a lot of love and hard work was put into it. like the cinematography is insane”

bonus: my 4 favourites interview ✶

“hi letterboxd, i’m violet solace & here are my four favourites!!!”

1. nowhere (1997) - (as stated above) “i think i’ve watched it about 10 times i’ll never get over it. it’s so good.”

2. cecil b. demented (2000) - “possibly the most accurate movie about the film industry?? [laughs] i’m joking obviously, but it’s great”

3. drop dead gorgeous (1999) - “my mom showed me this when i was a kid and i only just rewatched it and realised how perfectly camp it is”

4. beyond the valley of the dolls (1970) - “i watched this recently and it feels like it was made for me?! the last 30 mins were wild”

[kindsail]

love making these little fake magazines about my drs 🤌🏼 used a djats quote in the mix because it literally fit us perfectly. i cannot wait to shift to this dr mainly because i just want to be with my mann 😖 i think about him so much its not healthy

[kindsail]

( www.smalltownreality.com )

„you ever notice how they only come for the festival, then just leave?” „good for them.”

the ever, enigmatic town in oregon; far point. founded in 1789, pop. 10,839. far point, condescendingly called “dead point” by it’s young inhabitants. yet, still known as the town full of heart, with a big secret. best known for it’s renowned halloween festivals they have every year. to which, many foreigners come usually just for the festival. the town has more than two festivals for other holidays, but they aren’t as popular as their halloween festival. just like any other small town where everyone knows each other’s secrets, far point isn’t so different. now, why is it called far point? it’s named that due to it’s coastal setting, far away from any near cities or bigger towns. ergo; far point. you’d think this place is quiet, peaceful, calm. wrong. it’s a weird, loud (loud people who reside there) town, people notice things in the forest. not just any things, odd, kind’ve suspicious type of stuff. yet anyone who tries to speak out about their experience, nobody tends to believe. even the conspiracy theorist of the town. as if everyone’s on in on some big secret, yet nobody is.

another reason far point is known to attract outsiders; it has not one, but two private academies. farr vision academy and riverbank academy, these two academies are rivals. adversaries. while farr vision specializes in science & arts, riverbank specializes in athletics. riverbank’s swim team has been to nationals three years in a row (‘83, ‘82’, ‘81) they plan to add another year this year, summer of ‘84. both schools are located on opposite sides of far point. riverbank being near the coast, that being so; riverbank. every year, there is an ongoing tradition where both school’s football team and cheerleaders go against (in a match) each other. not even for any tournaments, it’s usually set up by both school’s student council. with a little help from both schools staff. shall we get to introducing farr vision’s & riverbanks’ academies best students?

farr vision’s head cheerleader, outstanding student council president, representing farr vision:

esfj 6w5 EMELIA LAFAY. head cheerleader of farr vision. a bit misunderstood. sweetest girl in far point. sixteen years old.

riverbank’s flamboyant, brilliant representing student for riverbank, who has a knack for science:

entp 6w7 PENELOPE “PENNY” HARTFORD. riverbank’s rebellious science nerd. witty. sixteen years old. a lover of the moon and stars.

someone else, who’s been upping her popularity ranks (not literally. she’s a loner in reality.) in farr vision academy, you’ve probably heard of her, she’s weird. RJ jacobsen, awkward, a bit cocky, and always seen with a camera. why is she being mentioned? well… she’s recently been seen with the town’s popular girl (one of them atleast), SERENA GRYMES. everyone found it odd, RJ’s usually seen with her bestfriend autumn, not odd. but serena grymes? shocker.

speaking of her, who is serena grymes? think of it like this, she isn’t even a cheerleader yet the whole town knows her. she goes to parties, occasionally leaves far point on a vacay with her family. boys want her. everyone wants her, actually. yet, she’s elusive. a bit cynical. unpredictable. independent. free-spirited. extremely smart. those are common words people would use to describe her. she’s farr vision’s best student, but she’s not in the student council, though emelia lafay is constantly nagging her to join, serena to which, doesn’t want to ::

enfp 7w8 SERENA GRYMES. girl next door. dyes her hair every week. seventeen years old.

istp 5w4 RJ JACOBSEN. farr vision’s eccentric wallflower, youngest of 9. sixteen years old. attentive. learning how to play drums. RJ has her eyes on someone, who? she’ll never tell.

estj 6w7 AUTUMN LOCKHART. RJ jacobsen’s bestfriend, plays bass. secretly loves vampire related things. turning seventeen in a few months.

recently, RJ jacobsen & autumn lockhart have been seen skipping classes, later seen with farr vision’s school reporter. connie taylor-green.

estj 3w4 CONNIE TAYLOR-GREEN. farr vision’s school reporter. can come off as slightly vain. eighteen years old.

there’s… a couple more reasons why people would say far point is outlandish. someone came up as missing a few years back, sometime in the 70s. a guy, he went missing for a month or two, he was found, alive. nobody has a clue what happened to him, not even the guy himself. you wanna know where he was the day he went missing? far point’s halloween maze. october 31st, 1971. weird right? he was found at a completely different location, in the woods, unconscious. guy definitely needed some therapy after that. but, he recalls something else, something deep in the woods, he said something along the lines of an… “alien.”

far point’s soundtrack. or more-so RJ jacobsens.

I. ✶. white wedding - pt. 1 . billy idol

II. ✶. i ran (so far away) . a flock of seagulls

III. ✶. i think we’re alone now . tiffany

IV. ✶. 1979 . the smashing pumpkins

V. ✶. lips like sugar . echo & the bunnymen

VI. ✶. somebody’s watching me . rockwell

VII. ✶. the promise . when in rome

VIII. ✶. everything she wants . wham!

IX. ✶. girls just want to have fun . cyndi lauper

X. ✶. don’t dream it’s over . crowded house

[kindsail]

SCRIPTING IDEAS! ─── hogwarts events.

HALLOWEEN.

pumpkin carving contests (for house points).

themed herbology classes.

halloween masquerade ball.

costume contest (for house points).

waking up to candy beside your bed (house elves put candy beside your bed halloween morning).

haunted houses & mazes in hogsmead.

CHRISTMAS / WINTER HOLIDAYS.

yearly winter ball.

mistletoe will appear above the heads of couples or people will crushes on each other (this could be so chaotic and i love it).

ice skating.

cookie baking contest (for house points).

VALENTINES DAY.

valentine's day ball.

for older years, amortentia is made around this time.

divination love readings!!

EASTER.

school-wide easter egg hunt (for house points).

OTHER.

weekly house parties in the common room.

gryffindor hosts a 'welcome back' party but first years are encouraged to attend.

new year's eve ball & afterparty in the common rooms.

there's a harvest festival / carnival every autumn that lasts a few days.

bonfires on the quidditch pitch.

annual field trips to places in europe.

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this genuinely just took my breath away ?? im in love

meet the child who beneath the blanket of stars had once wished to see the world from everyone's eyes. . .

a lover, a poet, a dream recurring . . .

hi hello hola bonjour namaste I am saadgi, my name means simplicity but it has always been a joke around school how my name fits me as a hat does a frog. I am seventeen and i brim with 3 am thoughts, ideas and wonders. I love spending all my time in my room doomscrolling and binge watching my favorite shows (tua, hi) until they do not ever feel the same again but i occasionally also love a good party with free alcohol. I vape like it's lifeline, a habit i must get rid of soon. My favorite colors are purple and pink. my birthday is on 28 December, i am a winter's daughter through and through, i can not stand summers, they drain my energy every time. I live in India (summers are lethal) i love our food, never hearing any criticism. I love the nighttime, i stay up the entire night just to sleep till 2 pm during the day, i love the stillness, the serenity, the soft humming of the moonlit stars in the background of my head. It remains all mine and i can not help but cherish it, i love how i can stare at the wall for an hour and no one would question me. I am an empath, i feel too much and it is a curse as well as a boon. I am the 'too woke' friend, I have had many of my close friendships broken because of the said wokeness. I am a capricorn sun, leo moon and aquarius rising, analyse me through that however you will. I am a sucker for numerology, i am a number 1, ruled by the sun, a leader, a winner. My hobbies include writing first and foremost, i am at my core when all the layers are peeled off, a writer, i sold my short stories to other kids for a sweet treat when i was 10, i wrote my first poem on my 8th mother's day.

she who wished, she who fulfilled . . .

My childhood was spend inside my head. My mind was always scattered in 10 different directions, i have lived different lives since forever, i was always in my palace, always in the beyblade arena, i was a vampire, i was a spy, i was dracula's mortal wife, i was a witch hunter...but i also was a student, i was slow at understand things of this reality, i used to daydream in class all the time, i remember my teacher yelling my ear off once but i couldn't hear her until she threw a chalk at my head because i was too busy being a pink haired vampire. I remember once asking my mom why i couldn't see the world from my best friend's pov....so yeah.

I was a witch and a master manifester even as a child. I remember bringing dirt from the garden and putting on it whatever leaves i could find and chanting a made up spell so rain would fall during hot summers....it always did....you are welcome, my neighbours. I got whatever i wished for, a thought of my favorite movie would pass my mind, it's being telecasted on the television. I think my english teacher is the coolest person on planet earth?? i am her favorite student. I want my favorite chocolate? dad has brought home a bag of it.

It is i believe in my veins to bend the thread of fate with a practiced swish of my fingertip, to whisper to the moon and have it return to me as an echo.

the multiverse left bare . . .

I had always known there was more to life, when i read 'earth is the only planet with life' in my grade 5 science book, i knew there was something unmistakably wrong with that sentence.

I found shifting at the worst time possible, summer 2022, 9th grade. I hated how i looked, i had an ugly haircut, i was in a trio (canon event). The sun blazed above my head everyday, everything was sticky smelly and clammy, i had a crush on a guy who had a crush on another girl, i doubted my competence, i was failing maths and science. I was losing my magic (or i believed i was). I had only recently found subliminals and decided i was not special enough for them to work for me.

Finding shifting then felt more of a burden then one lifted...i feared that i would try and fail, and when you think of failure it takes it's largest form and looms upon your silhouette like a victorian ghost unleashed mistakenly. I gave up on shifting, i decided it was not real, just an internet joke...after 2 years i found @hrrtshape's blog (forever grateful) and the lock on the door that i had been staring at for 2 years vanished, a flower bloomed inside of me, hope ignited like firework within my soul, i found shifting again and in a better place, i believed in it again, this time it felt like a sparkling wrapped present, like something given not taken.

characters across the multiverse who are but a reflection of me. . .౨ৎ

jo march, todd anderson, lexi howard, devi vishwakumar, loki laufeyson, klaus hargreeves, diego hargreeves, edmund pevensie, lucy pevensie, nadine (the edge of seventeen), lady bird, priscilla presley (not a character but...), lucy gray, cecelia lisbon, lux lisbon, celine (before trilogy), lisa swallows, miles teller, cassie ainsworth, tony stonem.....and many more i suppose, might edit later.

heavily heavily and i do mean heavily inspired by the amazing @kerryshifts

[kindsail]

how does one make such pretty images like you do……….bc i’m in awe every time you post…💗

for stuff like this ⤵ i use canva (for the actual collages) and photoroom to remove bgs and make pngs. and then a gif converter! (if needed)

but back when i was shifting to my bts / own gg drs, i used to use ibis paint x to create album covers && also sns accounts.

in terms of fonts, i 100% prefer using ibis because. .. i actually know how to download fonts on the app. but i'm lowkey a noob and don't know how to upload fonts to canva. plus i think it's a pro feature 💔 so i can't anyways lmfao

but i hope this helped </3 i never really have any ideas and just kinda wing it and pray i cook up smth decent

[kindsail]

TILT. JANE DOUCEUR'S DO'S AND DON'TS!

EVERYBODY'S TELLING ME I SHOULD BE SOMEBODY I DON'T WANNA BE!

JANE DOUCEUR lives a relatively normal life. she wakes up, grabs her handy-dandy camera, and she's out the door! but even a girl with such simple routine must follow a few simple do's and don'ts to stay stress-free!

DO'S

1 . have a girlfriend to speak to. it's best to stay far away from gossip though! so stay away from girls who never have a nice word to say.

2 . always be polite. even if you're stressed or upset. it's best not to irritate someone who's likely to retaliate and further dampen your mood!

3 . always carry some sweets with you. i have some wine gums in my handbag at all times, they're a staple for me. it's always a mood-lifter when i remember i have them.

4 . carry a spare lipstick. there's nothing worse than having your lipstick fade. oh, make sure to carry a small pocket mirror too. ..unless you're like me and just rely on car windows hah.

5 . bring your camera everywhere! you never know what you're going to find or if you're going to see it again. and sometimes, relying on your memory isn't enough.

DON'TS

1 . fake it for a boy in a band. if the music is bad, be honest. don't boost his ego just to make him like you. if he's worth your time, he'll like you for you. and if he doesn't? it's his loss.

2 . compare yourself to others. different is good. who cares if you haven't got the latest pair of go-go boots! or babydoll dress!

3 . rush yourself. there's nothing more worse than rushing yourself and then realising that you've forgotten something twenty minutes later when you can't turn back. trust me, take a breather and give yourself time.

4 . don't contradict yourself. if someone has a different opinion to you, don't go changing your own just to please them. it makes you look like a proper stooge.

5 . let a boy get in the way of your friendships. your girlfriends will be there for you forever! don't let a boy you've known for two minutes make you forget that.

[kindsail]

i'm 😭😭😭 in 😭😭😭 love 😭😭😭

DISCOGRAPHY (60s fame dr)

CANDY , 1956

the first ever album i produced, the start of something great, i had my father help on this as i was a very clueless 15 year old who just knew how to sing,, somehow, someway, it launched me into success

DREAMS , 1957

my second album, was released after i was singed to colpix records, most of the songs from this album played on the radio everyday, up and down hit #1 on top 100, was up there for 10 weeks, my favorite album I've made!

ANTIONETTE , 1961

a big jump between albums but a lot can happen in 3 1/2 years, from the time of my last album until 1958 was just a bunch of tours up and around places, during 1959 and 1960 i starred in a rendition of Romeo and Juliet with peter o'toole while working on the album and i also created a fashion line the same year, i was so busy its insane! but somehow the album was finished and released early 1961 with the help of marvin gaye and again my father! again angel baby peaked #1 on top 100 for 15 weeks

CHAIN, 1965

my most recent released album, after another hiatus (the queen of hiatuses) this album was released after i made a song for a show and i ultimatley decided to make an album for it because i hadnt released anything in 4 years (no suprise) and also i wanted to collaberate with my father again so here is chain!

UPCOMING , 1966

i have another upcoming album and im gonna keep this one a suprise because i dont want to spoil anything!

[kindsail]

Sammie and Pearline watching the other preforming

SINNERS (2025) dir. Ryan Coogler

[kindsail]

YOUTUBER DR CAMERA ROLL !

. . . photos of my captain (my cat), food i’ve eaten, photos from traveling, photos of my friends, photos of my surroundings

[kindsail]

this just made my day </33

GIRL LIKE ME. THE KINDSAIL MULTIVERSE!

LIKE A FAIRY IN A GLASS BOTTLE!

JANE MEDI DOUCEUR, BEATLE GIRL / 60s FAME DR.

SORANA LENORE BLACK, HOGWARTS DR.

INA JUNIE HILL, YOUNG FAME DR.

SONOYA JEAN RIVERS, STRANGER THINGS DR.

[kindsail]

your blog is so whimsical i love it (ᐢ⸝⸝>̶̥̥̥᷄ ·̫ <̶̥̥̥᷅⸝⸝ᐢ)꜆꜄ ෆ

UR SO SWEET (╥ᆺ╥;)

[kindsail]

OBSESSED

　　𝒯HIS　WAS　ALL ♱　FOR　𝑌𝑂𝑈　. (　a　𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑠𝑒　into　gwenllian's　𝓽imelines　)

 

 

ℒOTTIE EVANGELINE JONES. SINGER / SONGWRITER, C'S MIRRORBALL.

 

 

𝒢WENLLIAN EVANGELINE GRIFFITHS. PRIMA BALLERINA, C'S MUSE.

 

 

ℛOSALIND LOUISE JONES. BAKERY OWNER, C'S WIFE.

 

  

𝒢WENLLIAN OF EIRYSIA. PRINCESS, C'S CROWN JEWEL.

 

[kindsail]

oh this ate

The most powerful love potion: Amortentia.

It does not scream. It sits quiet in its cauldron like Eros sleeping, waiting to make you weak in the knees. The trick is: you don’t choose what you smell, the potion does. It pulls from the longing in your bones and the prized possessions of your brain—your memory, whether you’ve named it or not. It is not necessarily romantic, it is just whatever pleases you most (and if someone that pleases you most is what you smell… than that is between you and the potion).

Bowie Stark smells three things.

First: the scent of burning logs in the Gryffindor common room. The smell of warmth—dry wood crackling, light licking the stone walls like magic that remembers your name. It isn’t the warmth he grew up with. His childhood was radiators and scratchy wool blankets, modern heat and no soul. But this fire... it is different. It makes his skin tingle, seeps into his ribcage. It curls around his heart like a cat settling in for a nap. It smells like something ancient and forgiving, the kind of warmth that doesn’t just thaw fingers but regrets, too. And it smells like belonging. Like laughter echoing in the stone tower, like tired joy shared with people who know when to be loud and when to be quiet. It is the smell of everything Bowie didn’t know he missed until Hogwarts gave it to him.

Second: heavy chamomile, musk, and soft wood grain—the wretched cologne that lives in the collar of Tom Riddle’s robes. It makes Bowie feel like a moth repeatedly slamming into the same porch light because it is maddening, and it is lovely. He didn’t mean to become addicted to it. He didn’t mean to notice the way Tom smells when he leans too close during whispered debates in the library, or how the scent deepens when Tom is angry, softens when he’s tired. It’s somewhat undetectable when they’re face to face—like the moment itself is too sacred for awareness—but once Tom leaves, the perfume hits like an afterthought that ruins his day. Tom smells like secrets well kept, like quiet storms and badly buried guilt and something barely sweet underneath it all. He smells like a cliff’s edge. Bowie keeps leaning closer.

Third: the ocean. Not the manic, crashing kind poets always write about, but the gentler one—salt air and wind that tugs your sleeves, water so cold it feels like clarity. Bowie loves to stand in the sea as the sky turns lavender and the sand soaks in the light like a mirror. That in-between place where land gives way to water, where the air smells like salt, oxygen, and maybe the divine. And it feels like freedom. He doesn’t know if it’s the water or the way light bends over it, but he always feels like if he shouted into the sea, it might answer. Like the ocean might carry his voice somewhere important.

That is what Bowie smells. Home. Obsession. Freedom. In that order, or no order at all.

And Tom Riddle?

First: eucalyptus. The tree planted for him at the Riddle Estate—his grandfather’s idea, though he denies it. He remembers watering it with a hose he could barely hold in his grubby, toddler hands. The scent is sharp but clean, minty but not really medicinal. There’s a barely noticeable sweetness behind it, like honey diluted in tea. It’s a scent that lives on the back of his hands and behind his teeth. He smells it with every breath in. To others it might smell like a garden. To Tom, it smells like proof. That he is wanted. That something was planted in his name, and it grew. That he is something other than ambition and a perfectly pressed uniform.

Second: citrus. Bowie Stark’s perfume, or maybe his skin, or maybe some strange alchemy between the two. Tom isn’t sure if Bowie wears it or is it. All he knows is that oranges and lime hit him like a slap every time Bowie is in the room. And it's not overpowering—just specific*.* There could be dozens of students at breakfast, but Tom will always know exactly where Bowie is sitting. The scent is maddeningly stubborn, sunlit and cheery. Like something that should live in a summer orchard, not on a snarky half-Veela with a temper and a potion-stained tie. The smell is seared into him now. It smells like curiosity. Like color. But Tom loves it.

Third: books. Not just any books—his books. The restricted ones. The banned ones. The books that whisper when no one’s listening. But also the books in his father’s study, lined up like dominoes, and the ones Bowie gives him on birthdays, and not-so-special other days, scrawled with ridiculous inscriptions. The smell of the old parchment and the ink shaped as prose is more than comfort to Tom. He can navigate it. He speaks it well. When the world is too flesh-and-bone, he turns to the leather bound treasures. And if he imagines Bowie in that scent too—legs folded under him, nose buried in a chapter, his perfume curling into the pages—well. That’s nobody’s business but his own.

These scents don’t lie. That’s the thing. They’re not fantasies. Instead, they are the truest mirror love can offer. The potion reads you cover to cover. And the scent is the one thing you won’t forget, because the important things stay on your skin longer than perfume.

ib: @chaaistained and @kerryshifts <33

[kindsail]

YOUTUBER DRSELF IN 5 WORDS !

ADVENTURE always trying something new, always looking for a new view or thrill, with their eyes on the horizon. often found exploring some new corner of the world: micha’s thirst for the taste of something new and fresh is possibly the only thing that drives him forward to improve.

CREATE micha cannot just sit down and enjoy: she has to do, to create, to dig their teeth and nails into whatever catches their attention. whether it’s painting, pottery, crochet, music or anything else: to create is to enjoy.

SUBTLE there’s a quiet, almost unnoticed side to micha. most people don’t linger too long on his occasionally sharper quips, almost mean if not for the fact that she’s always so kind; the logic behind every seemingly silly decision or the simple, effortless humour in their words to truly realise that there is, perhaps, more to their seemingly simple demeanour.

CALM it’s almost uncanny how calm micha can be: the word could be crumbling around them and they would watch it with little more than quiet fascination. unsettling to some, comforting to others - it’s just another one of their idiosyncrasies that people either to love or hate.

HOME micha finds home in the simple beauty in life; the easy routine of the everday and the rush of a new experience. they find home in his friends and their family and their job and their community. people too, find home in her: their quiet, subtle humour, the ever relaxed quality of his voice and soul put into everything they make.

[kindsail]

a real tried and true guide on how to survive hogwarts

part i , disclaimer, context, credentials

hi. if you're reading this, you're either about to shift into hogwarts, you already have and need help, or you're nosey and looking for gossip. all three are valid.

anyway. this isn't a spellbook or a diary or whatever. it's just a guide. a stupid little guide written by a girl who shifted into hogwarts the summer before her seventh year. that girl being me. obviously. hi hello.

i'm half veela. i'm a gryffindor. i'm a pureblood and head girl. technically (allegedly) related to russian royalty (dad's side, no one fact-check that, thanks). also james potter's cousin, which is either a blessing or a lifelong comedic hex. we'll get into that.

currently, in my dr, it's march. it's 1977. yes, it's the marauders era. yes, it's sadly as complicated as you've been told. so i've been here long enough to know what's worth your time and what isn't.

this guide isn't anti-anything. it's not anti-harry era or pro-marauders or whatever tribal loyalty people feel the need to swear by. and i'm just a girl who saw a castle full of moving portraits and violently unregulated boarding school dynamics and thought, hm. better write some of this down.

expect inconsistencies. expect ellipses. expect brackets and edits. this isn't a perfect object. it's not even aesthetic. it's information, tempered with experience. and a little whining. and a lot of caps lock. i'm not neutral but i'm fair. if i tell you to avoid a corridor, it's because i tripped there and dented my knee against a suit of armour. if i tell you not to trust the astronomy tower at night, it's because i've been dragged out of it by two prefects and a howler.

– e.

part ii , the houses. dos, don'ts, notes, secrets

okay let's get one thing cleared before the owl post starts piling up: none of the houses are better. i wish. not in the way you think anyway. they're just differently annoying. it's like living with four different niche twitter cults who all think they invented......anything. you're not here to choose the best one. you're here to learn how to survive the neurotic interior of four medieval social experiments without losing your wand or your mind. so. welcome. let's start breaking this down. house by house. alphabetically. fair's fair.

　　　　　　gryffindor ,

　꒰ gryffindor ꒱　do:

know who you're friends with. the tower has cliques like it's a bloody court. if you're not in the quidditch lot or the prank lot or the girl-in-the-bathrobe-eating-dried-figs lot, you'll get lost. and trust me, once you're cast out of the rhythm, it's impossible to catch up without some kind of public redemption arc.

keep snacks under your bed. someone will raid your trunk. it'll be your fault if they find nothing. chocolate frogs disappear fastest. bertie botts are currency during exam season.

back your friends in public. you can fight in private, that's what stolen bathroom mirrors are for. loyalty here is loud. you defend your people or you find new people. it's that simple.

get good at hexes. not big ones. just enough to make a point. people respect a girl who can disarm someone.

　꒰ gryffindor ꒱　don't:

ask about the portrait passwords more than once. people will think you're daft or a spy. or worse, a ravenclaw.

ever speak badly of lily evans within earshot of literally anyone. ever. even if she's wrong. she's not wrong. even when she is.

think you're above house drama. it will find you. it's like poltergeist fog. you breathe it in.

try to make peace between sirius and james when they're having one of their competitive breakdowns. just leave the room. leave the building. floo somewhere else.

　꒰ gryffindor ꒱　notes:

our common room smells like treacle, smoke, and someone's broken dream journal. the rug hasn't been cleaned in 40 years. it's alive.

you'll develop an immunity to boys screaming at 3am. embrace it. eventually you won't hear it. it becomes ambience.

at least three people have kissed on every windowsill. probably more. watch where you sit.

there's a secret corridor behind the second years' dormitory that leads to a trapdoor in the library. don't ask how i know. just be careful. it squeaks. use it for late-night escapism or very niche dares.

if you lose a sock, check the fireplace. the raccoon has black friday sales.

　꒰ gryffindor ꒱　secrets:

the first year with the biggest eyes is usually the one who will hex you first. don't underestimate them. especially if they knit.

someone once summoned a raccoon into the tower. it lives in the fireplace. we feed it sometimes. it knows too much.

marlene mckinnon's perfume has been banned on two floors. still not sure how she made it. allegedly involves rosewater.

there's a love letter carved behind the girls' staircase. it's in latin. no one knows who it's for.

　　　　　　hufflepuff ,

　꒰ hufflepuff ꒱　do:

be honest. they'll know if you're fake. they're terrifying like that. they read body language.

bring extra quills. someone always forgets theirs. and they'll remember if you helped.

help clean the common room when they ask. it's a test. pass it and you're in.

compliment their plants. especially the named ones. yes, the ones with names. and histories.

　꒰ hufflepuff ꒱　don't:

mock herbology. not even as a joke. you will be hexed with something fungal. a boy sneezed spores for a week.

try to flirt during study time. they have boundaries. it's revolting. save your seduction for the courtyard.

underestimate their memory. they remember everything. birthdays. betrayals. your essay title from october. you'll be confronted.

mess with their food. they will find out. they will seek revenge. it will be edible. and poetic.

　꒰ hufflepuff ꒱　notes:

the dorms smell like parchment and cinnamon and sometimes....... chalk? don't question it.

there's a tunnel behind the fourth table in the dining hall that leads straight to their kitchens. don't try it. you'll be caught. and possibly recruited.

their prefects have a secret meeting schedule. not even mcgonagall knows it. or she does. she's just letting them win.

they trade biscuits. it's currency......kind of? shortbread is the galleon. oatcakes are for petty debts.

　꒰ hufflepuff ꒱　secrets:

the password to their common room changes based on mood. it's... sentient?? or nosy. possibly both.

they keep an unofficial journal of the year's drama. it's charmed!!!!!! to be invisible to outsiders.

if you ever cry in their bathroom, someone will hand you a full skincare kit within minutes. i don't know how they do it. it's disturbing.

one of them dated a ghost once. no one talks about it but we all remember. it was a phase.

they've won the secret best-kept dorm award six years in a row. not officially. but we all know.

　　　　　　ravenclaw ,

　꒰ ravenclaw ꒱　do:

knock before entering. even if it's a public space. just do it.

carry a notebook. not to write into it to pretend you have thoughts. doodle some runes at least.

memorise the library's quiet zones. they will excommunicate you. and hiss.

fake knowledge about obscure magical theory if cornered. confidence is key. say "as aquinas wrote" and walk away.

　꒰ ravenclaw ꒱　don't:

correct them. even when they're wrong. especially when they're wrong. and if you do well.....godspeed idk. be ready to have a debate.

joke about rowena. seriously. just don't. you'll be hexed. and then footnoted.

ask to copy their notes. just no. they watermark them. you'll be exposed.

try to bond over books unless you've actually read them. they'll test you. it'll get socratic.

　꒰ ravenclaw ꒱　notes:

their dorm smells like ink and lemon tea and something vaguely metallic. one time it smelled like ozone. still no answers.

they hex their door with riddles. if you fail one, you have to wait. yes. really. it once took me two hours to get in.

some of them live like victorian ghosts. shawls. candles. unexplained sighing. and yet somehow........chic?

the girls' dorm has a wall that writes back.

　꒰ ravenclaw ꒱　secrets:

there's a ghost cat that only appears during exams. pet it for luck. avoid it if you've cheated.

the top floor of the tower hosts midnight debates. you need an invite. and a thesis.

someone keeps rewriting hogwarts: a history with footnotes and scandal. it's 400 pages now.

the portraits in their corridor gossip. say anything near them and it'll be everywhere by breakfast.

they have a drawer of confiscated enchanted pens. don't ask and don't take.

　　　　　　slytherin ,

　꒰ slytherin ꒱　do:

keep secrets. even dumb ones. it'll earn you points. they clock loyalty fast.

make allies, not friends. at least at first. friends come later. after the blood pacts.

know the rules better than they do. use that. loopholes loopholes loopholes.

compliment their robes. they'll pretend it doesn't matter. it does.

　꒰ slytherin ꒱　don't:

mention gryffindor.

ever say the word "mudblood." even here. especially here. that's not clever. that's outdated. and stupid.

try to sneak into their dorm. it'll spit you out. and then curse you. and then tell everyone.

touch anything labelled in green ink. it's not for you.

　꒰ slytherin ꒱　notes:

their dorm smells like stone and mint and disappointment. it's weirdly comforting.

their beds have curtains so thick you could murder someone and no one would know. not saying anyone has. just saying they could.....

their prefects are terrifying. but also hot??? unclear.

they have a mirror that tells you things you don't want to hear. avoid. unless you hate yourself. then it's a party.

　꒰ slytherin ꒱　secrets:

the lake window shows things that aren't real. or maybe they are. depends on who you ask. or what mood the squid's in.

someone keeps brewing perfume in the potions room. smells like rain.

one of them cursed the scales to always say 7lbs less. nobody's fixed it. people just plan outfits around it now.

if you bring them blood pops, they'll tell you anything. literally. even who snuck into the staffroom last tuesday.

there's a staircase behind the second potions closet. it leads nowhere. or somewhere. or maybe just down.

part iii , the core classes

okay so let's talk about classes. like yes you're here to learn magic blah blah but also. you're in a castle full of kids with issues and sugar highs and everyone's wand is like one wrong flick away from becoming a sentient hazard. the classes are where the chaos concentrates. the professors are mostly unhinged. the curriculum makes NO GODDAMN sense. sorry. ahem. half the textbooks contradict each other. some of the ghosts help. some of them haunt.

this is the 70s so everything's about ten years out of date. the robes itch. the desks have been cursed at least once. and everyone is tired. so. here's the guide.

　 　 　 　 　 　 　  　  　  　  　 　 　 　　 　┊

　transfiguration , professor mcgonagall. icon. terrifying. if you don't cry at least once in her class you're either soulless or very very lucky. she does NOT tolerate lateness or whispers or incorrect posture. but if you're good at it, she'll like you. and if she likes you, you're safe. for now.

　꒰ do ꒱　 sit near the front. show you're serious. even if you're not. practise every day. it's not a theory class. it's kinetic. your wand hand will ache. embrace it. volunteer answers. even if you're guessing. she respects boldness. it's gryffindor-ish. learn the difference between switching spells and vanishing spells. FAST.　 

　꒰ don't ꒱　 bring food. once a kid brought a treacle tart and transfigured it into a ferret. interrupt her. you will be called a disgrace and compared unfavourably to a rock. try to cheat. flirt in class. she will hex your lips together. happened last year. we remember.　 

　꒰ notes ꒱　 the desks shift. don't ask. just sit quick. the textbook is full of lies. go off the blackboard. her animagus form has been known to spy on us. act accordingly. transfiguring live animals is banned. for good reason. no one wants a hamster lamp situation again. 　 

　꒰ secrets ꒱ if you leave her a good cup of tea in the classroom before a test, she grades softer. the back left drawer in her desk has notes from when she was a student. cursed notes. there's a transfigured toad in the wall. it sings. no one talks about it.　 

　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　　 　┊

　charms , professor flitwick. tiny. delightful. will take points and still smile at you. he's got a high tolerance for chaos but not for rudeness.

　꒰ do ꒱ sit in the middle row. safest zone. practise wand movement until it's muscle memory. ask questions. he LOVES them. bring colour-coded notes. he will notice. he will coo.　 

　꒰ don't ꒱ speak over him. ever. skip homework. he checks. obsessively. mock his height. obviously. you'll regret it. laugh during levitation lessons. the feathers have feelings.　 

　꒰ notes ꒱ he sometimes gives extra credit for neat handwriting. his quizzes are riddles disguised as instructions. his lessons are fun until someone's eyebrows get set on fire. which is often. he names the classroom objects. the chalkboard is mildred.　 

　꒰ secrets ꒱ he collects chocolate frog cards. if you gift him a rare one, you're untouchable. there's a charm that makes ink smell like anything. he'll teach it if you ask nicely. once levitated an entire row of desks during a duel demo. wore a bowtie. if he whistles during class, it means he's about to call on you.　 

　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　　 　┊

　potions , professor slughorn. obsessed with potential. if you have a famous relative, he knows. if you have talent, he wants it.

　꒰ do ꒱ show up early. claim the good cauldron. befriend the slytherins. they get the best ingredients. pretend to be modest. he loves a "humble genius." write neatly. sloppy handwriting = disappointment.　 

　꒰ don't ꒱ question his methods. he gets pouty. bring weak ingredients. he'll sniff them and go "oh dear." mock the slug club. even if it's stupid. breathe too loud when he's mixing.　

　꒰ notes ꒱ the classroom is too warm. always. cauldrons WILL explode if you stir wrong. someone lost eyebrows. slytherins run the room. navigate with caution. start dating one, you'll be fine. why do you think i started dating coryo?? love? soulmatism? please. i need a passing grade. the fumes are mildly hallucinogenic. it's fine.　

　꒰ secrets ꒱ he keeps a vial of unicorn tears in his pocket. always. the third shelf has a jar labelled "confiscated." don't touch it. if you write your essay on bezoars, he'll nod like he discovered them. once cried during a lesson. said it was allergies.　

　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　　 　┊

　defence against the dark arts , professor merrythought retired last year. current one's name changes like every term. this year it's professor dorian clare. new. weird. probably cursed.

　꒰ do ꒱ act impressed. he eats it up. ask him about his travels. he WILL monologue. copy his notes exactly. he marks for phrasing. be ready to duel. at all times.　

　꒰ don't ꒱ mention previous professors. especially if they died. point out when he contradicts himself. duel unless you're ready to be humiliated. fall for him. i beg. it's not worth it.　

　꒰ notes ꒱ his lessons feel fake deep but the spells are real. the classroom changes temperature based on vibe. he's allergic to frogs. unrelated but fun. he quotes poetry in lectures. ignore it.　

　꒰ secrets ꒱ keeps a cursed locket in his desk. once sparred with mulciber and won. barely. the mirror behind his desk isn't a mirror. rumoured to be part veela. denies it. suspiciously well.　

　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　　 　 　┊

　herbology , professor sprout. earth goddess. mum. will help you even if you're awful. but don't touch her plants without asking. seriously.　

　꒰ do ꒱ wear gloves. always. label everything. she loves organisation. work with hufflepuffs. they know things. compliment her earmuffs. she has twelve pairs.　　

　꒰ don't ꒱ laugh at the plants. fake knowledge. she'll know. mess around with mandrakes. even baby ones. steal seeds. that's a one-way trip to detention.　　

　꒰ notes ꒱ the greenhouses are HOT and GODDAMN HUMID. dress light. the dirt is charmed to not stain. mostly. screaming is normal. ignore it. sprout hums when she's in a good mood.　　

　꒰ secrets ꒱ there's a cactus that predicts rain. don't ask how. she grows peppermint near the windows. it's enchanted. one of the plants eats essays. it's contained. mostly. the watering cans are alive. they judge.　

　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　　 　 　┊

　history of magic , professor cuthbert binns. maybe this will be biased but i liked history of magic.........

　꒰ do ꒱ sit near the door. for a fast exit. write the date at the top of every page. it's the only thing that'll make sense. learn names and years by brute force. use flashcards. hex them to float around your bed. sleep learning. it's the only way. bring food. binns won't notice. or care.　

　꒰ don't ꒱ ask questions. he won't hear them. and if he does, he'll ignore them. raise your hand and he'll glide through you. try to take notes the normal way. you'll lose your mind. make eye contact with a hufflepuff. they're always asleep. it's contagious.　

　꒰ notes ꒱ binns is a ghost. died in the staff room. came back to teach and never left. the room is always cold. bring layers. he doesn't breathe so the lectures never pause. it's like being waterboarded with centuries. no one knows how he grades. the essays just come back. marked in blood? ink? ectoplasm? unclear.　

　꒰ secrets ꒱ sometimes he mutters things not in the syllabus. listen closely. once he whispered about a goblin conspiracy and the fifth floor mirror. another time he named a centaur like he was in love. if you answer one of his rhetorical questions, he nods once. that's how you know you're still alive.　

part iv , the electives

so. electives. you don't get to pick them straight away. you're like fourteen when they hand you the form. and if you're me, you picked based on what sounded the least like maths. or what your cousin dared you into. or because someone older said something cryptic in the common room and you spiralled. whatever........... point is, some people treat electives like side quests. they're not. they're real. they eat your timetable and your sleep and sometimes your dignity. choose wisely. or don't. i didn't. and i'm fine.

except divination. divination has personally ruined my life. but we'll get there.

　astronomy , professor sinistra. who is indeed very peculiar. ("wait wasn't she from the golden trio?" YES. and i still scripted her in).

　꒰ do ꒱ bring your own star maps. the school ones are outdated. selwyn does not teach by textbook. she teaches by memory, myth, and whatever the hell she scrawled in the margins of her doctoral thesis. sit at the front of the dome if you can stomach vertigo. the best angles are up there. know your greek. know your roman.　

　꒰ don't ꒱ mention horoscopes. mention "mercury retrograde." mention co-star. i beg. this is astronomy. not tiktok's pet branch of astrology.　

　꒰ notes ꒱ the observatory is always cold. dress accordingly. do not fall asleep during moon tracking. she'll mark your chart in blood-red. she brings coffee in a thermos shaped like saturn. this means nothing but also everything.　

　꒰ secrets ꒱ the notes she gives are coded. not metaphorically. actually coded. she uses constellations as mnemonics and once buried a test answer in a kepler footnote. one time, she said she'd been to the moon. didn't elaborate. someone found a vial of moon dust in her drawer. it glowed.　

　 　 　 　 　 　 　　 　　  　 　 　 　　 　 　┊

　ancient runes , professor vesta rowan. terrifying. dressed like a victorian librarian who survived ragnarok. smelled like ink, iron, and lightly scorched vellum.

　꒰ do ꒱ memorise your alphabets. all of them. futhark, younger futhark, anglo-saxon, proto-cuneiform if you're ambitious. she doesn't believe in "translation." only "unveiling." sit near the fire. you'll need the warmth. copy her annotations exactly. they read like spells and might be.　

　꒰ don't ꒱ joke about tattoos. do not try to "guess" meanings. if you get it wrong, she'll break your quill. happened to me in november.　

　꒰ notes ꒱ there's a crow that sits by the window during full moons. we do not acknowledge it. the runes etch themselves into your memory if you study hard enough. sometimes literally. 　

　꒰ notes ꒱ there's a drawer in her desk full of unsolved inscriptions. you can look if she likes you.

　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　　 　┊

　divination , professor selwyn. she's loco in the coco. no notes.

　꒰ do ꒱ act respectful. she reads doubt like others read palms. bring your own tea leaves. school supply is weak. nod even if you don't understand. especially then. her lessons are 70% metaphor, 30% trauma flashback. 　

　꒰ don't ꒱ mock the art. she'll say "not everything real is rational," and stare until you feel medieval. don't fake visions. she'll know. don't ask her to predict grades. someone did and got told "do you want to die before june?"　

　꒰ notes ꒱ she burns herbs for clarity. you'll cough. she says that's part of it. the crystal balls are real. they reflect your fear. her deck of tarot is older than the castle.　

　꒰ notes ꒱ once wrote a prophecy on the ceiling and erased it the next day. no one knows why. she once said "the tower will fall." no one knows what tower. we pretend it's metaphorical.　

　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　　 　┊

　　　and here comes the word of mouth editions !!!!

　care of magical creatures , kettleburn. missing half a leg. and most of his patience.

you will get clawed. bit. burned. one student got winged in the face by a hippogriff. another fainted at the sight of a thestral. kettleburn says things like "well if it doesn't kill you, it teaches you something." he is not joking.

　꒰ student reportings ꒱ bring raw meat to class. not as a snack. as a shield. bow properly. always. every creature is either insulted or flattered. there's no in between. 　

　꒰ lore ꒱ there's a forest ledger. kettleburn updates it by hand. not magically. with a pen. says the trees don't trust charms. the creatures don't listen unless you do the voice. what voice? you'll know.　

　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　　　 　　 　┊

　arithmancy , from the archives of the insufferably bright (my boyfriend's yappings)

professor vector is mean. but fair. but mostly mean. she teaches like she's on a clock. possibly literally. the math is real. the stakes are theoretical. the board changes mid-equation. if you don't get it, she doesn't slow down.

one time, someone cried into their notes and they rewrote themselves in binary. vector called it "progress." there's no spell in the curriculum. it's all logic.

　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　　 　　 　┊

　ghoul studies , student consensus: what the fuck but also....... maybe genius?

　　professor: finch. first name unknown. maybe doesn't have one.

　꒰ heard ꒱ it's not about ghouls the way divination isn't really about teacups. it's about haunting, but in the bureaucratic sense. ghosts are romantic. ghouls file paperwork. there are theories. finch talks a lot about "undead sociology" and "post-human civic integration."　

　꒰ report ꒱ the textbook is three inches thick and mostly footnotes. no gossip to read here, everyone comes out of that classroom a shell of themselves.　

do not skip class. the ghouls will notice. and they keep attendance. somehow.

　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　 　　 　　 　　　　 　┊

　muggle studies , aka the elective people took when they thought it'd be "easy." they were wrong. professor ellis. ex-ministry.

it's not about what muggles are. it's about what wizards think they are. which is worse. half the class is just unlearning magical propaganda. ellis starts every term with "muggles invented plastic. your wand can't do that."

(i got lazy, you're not getting alchemy. but then again literally does anyone take alchemy?)

part v , the before-part

let's pivot back a bit. because before you're elbow-deep in essay deadlines or crying in a third-floor girls' bathroom because someone transfigured your quill into a metaphor for emotional repression...... you have to actually get there. hogwarts doesn't just scoop you out of your boring little life and plop you into an enchanted sociopolitical fever dream without a little foreplay.

so here's everything you need to know before you even step foot on the school grounds. this is the real prologue. the chaos before the curriculum. the orientation they don't put in the welcome packet because they assume you'll just... "figure it out." okay.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　⋆　　˖　　౨ৎ　˚

　　꒰ step one ꒱ the letter. theeeeee letter. it's not a prank. yes, it looks like one. yes, it arrives via bird. yes, the handwriting is suspiciously nice. still not a prank. if you're muggle-born or raised, act surprised. it gets deliver weird.　　

it'll be on heavy parchment, folded with unnecessary drama, sealed with red wax. you'll get a supply list. there will be no prices. they assume you're either rich or resourceful. start budgeting now.

　　꒰ step two ꒱ diagon alley. ok. here's the dealio. diagon alley is like a magical version of a tourist trap. except you're the tourist and the trap is very real. bring someone who knows the layout. or fake it. walk fast. look busy. pretend you've been there before. where to get your shit:　

robes and uniforms . .  madam malkin's. yes, she will pin you too tight and ask rude questions. survive.

wand . . ollivanders. awkward. you will knock something over. they'll clap.

books . .  flourish and blotts. expensive. the discount section is cursed but manageable.

cauldrons and glassware . .  bring gloves. the shop reeks of vinegar and broken dreams.

pets . .  no one cares if you don't get one. don't let them pressure you into buying a frog. frogs are maintenance.

which shops are scams , most of knockturn alley. anything with a name you can't pronounce. any place that smells like burnt thyme. if someone tries to sell you "dragon essence," walk away. that's not dragon anything. that's snake oil. or worse...........piss.　

how not to get mugged , keep your coins hidden. don't pull out your pouch in public. don't say "i'm new here!" like it's cute. it's not. you'll be followed. talk less. glare more. especially if you look rich or muggleborn or lost.　

　　꒰ step three ꒱ platform 9¾. yes, it's a wall. yes, you walk through it. no, you're not being hazed. the trick is momentum. commit.　

how to find it , go to king's cross. look for platforms 9 and 10. find the barrier. wait till no one's watching. walk into it. trust physics. or magic. same thing here.　

who you’ll see there , purebloods with overpacked trunks. muggleborns with fear in their eyes. one kid with a suitcase shaped like a coffin. he's fine. just dramatic. prefects pretending they're too cool for this. families crying. families not crying. someone's owl is always loose. someone's cat has trauma. everyone looks vaguely amish.　

　　꒰ step four ꒱ the train. welcome to the hogwarts express. you'll be sitting on a train for about.....7 hours. with no radio. no wi-fi. everyone's too loud. someone's crying. 　

first-years get shuffled around a lot. no one wants to sit with the wailing ones.

upper-years claim their spots fast. if a seventh year tells you to move, move. unless you have an older brother who is scary and has hexed someone.

prefects sit together. mostly.

slytherins take over the last three compartments. don't barge in unless invited. seriously. gryffindors are loud and snack-heavy. sit with them if you want gossip. or a biscuit.

trolley etiquette , the trolley witch is unbothered. she takes no sides. but she's not stupid. don't try to rob her. pay exact change. don't haggle. and don't order everything unless you want to be known as "that kid who puked before scotland." 　

train politics , stuff happens on the train and it never leaves the train. alliances form. breakups occur. this is your soft launch. people will remember your entrance. so sit well. speak carefully. don't cast. and never admit to bringing contraband in your trunk. they search randomly. and mercilessly.　

and part two is incoming. sometime. 😀