kingdom-of-ire

[kingdom-of-ire]

Chuckling to myself remembering the time I completely broke a scammer's brain by telling them I use Linux.

Scammer: do you have an apple or a windows computer please?

Me: neither, I use Linux.

Scammer: no no no, I asked if you use a apple or a windows

Me: neither

Scammer: what is the sticker? Is it a four boxes or is it an apple with a bite?

Me: ... I don't use EITHER of them. There's a third operating system called Linux. It isn't a PC or a mac. Please tell me you understand

Scammer: do -- do you know what I mean about apple or windows sir?

Me: yes. I'm a software developer. I understand completely. I'm telling you that YOU don't understand. Its called Linux, spelled L-I-N-U-X, type it into google

Scammer:

Scammer: but is it an apple or a windows computer sir

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[kingdom-of-ire]

imagine going to a house party and ask to go to the bathroom and like theres a dark souls silver knight guarding a chest in there. and like you ask him to not look but he doesn’t respond at all. He’s not like agro, or staring at you with intent, but he’s FULLY aware of your presence and watching you like you intend to steal

[kingdom-of-ire]

[kingdom-of-ire]

Yup returning to necromancy, I’m so back. And you’re so back, and you’re so back, and you’re so back, and you’re

[kingdom-of-ire]

Forgot to post my costume: cybertruck driver

[kingdom-of-ire]

There’s a regular at the fabric superstore. She’s at least 80 years old, and she just got back into sewing after giving it up for 40 years. We’ll call her Irma.

I love Irma.

Irma is constantly surprised by the newfangled sewing gadgets our store sells. Today she bought some extra-fine glass-head pins and a magnetic pincushion. As I’m ringing her purchases up, she tells me very seriously, “did you know, if you’re careful, you can sew RIGHT OVER those pins? You don’t need to take them out!”

I told her that I liked that you can’t accidentally melt the head of the glass pins with your iron, and she nodded. “They used to all be like that, but times changed.”

I love old sewing machines and asked what kind of machine she has, and she goes, “Oh, it’s an old Singer Featherweight that my husband bought me when we were first married. It’s probably not worth anything anymore, but the thing sews fine. Have you seen the ones those girls over there–” indicating the sewing machine sub-store in my location “–have? Those things go in every direction and the needle always comes to the top when you stop sewing! Imagine how handy that is!”

I mention that I used to sew on my grandmother’s Featherweight but now there’s a intra-family war about who owns Grandma’s Featherweight and so no one gets to use it. It’s genuinely the best portable straight-stitch machine I’ve ever used.

I warn her to never let anyone tell her that Featherweight isn’t worth something. “I know, I miss my husband and it’s always going to have a place in my heart, just like your grandma’s.”

“I mean, Irma, there’s that, but they’re also worth a really notable amount of money. The Singer Featherweight is really financially valuable. I almost never see them for sale around here for less than about $400, and that’s in bad condition.”

“It’s a good thing my husband’s dead, honey, because if you told him that he managed to buy a sewing machine that’s worth more in 2021 than he bought it for in 1950, well, he’d be so smug that I just wouldn’t be able to tolerate driving home with him.”

[kingdom-of-ire]

[kingdom-of-ire]

A 10-millionth visitor to the  Rijksmuseum of Netherlands was allowed to spend the night at Rembrandt's painting "Night Watch" with a bottle of wine and dinner.

[kingdom-of-ire]

i scheduled this for when the poll ends, see ya then!

[kingdom-of-ire]

1

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Oh and I want to fight all the Gen Z kids who are like ‘teehee, we’ll just do lavender marriages instead!’ Some of us are adults who want equal rights and protections under the law of our land.

[kingdom-of-ire]

[kingdom-of-ire]

im so sorry. i read this to the tune of the spongebob squarepants theme song

your neck is a limb that holds onto your skull

[kingdom-of-ire]

[kingdom-of-ire]

The duality of my inbox.

[kingdom-of-ire]

best typo ive ever made i think

reblog if you feep stupid