kingofposting

[kingofposting]

Good For Her! 🏳️‍⚧️

Airplane! Came out 45 years ago by the way

[kingofposting]

i have decided I am bringing back the word "razzmatazz" but my simpering advisors keep blathering about the plague of fell necrotic energy that is killing all my serfs. zombie this! zombie that! O the tedious fracas of politics! The only infection I am interested in is the infectious joy of the word "razzmatazz"

[kingofposting]

really loving Orc City! I just wish it was more halfling friendly. not as in like racism, I mean more like everything is so freaking tall. I can’t reach the tabletop at the fermented meat stand

[kingofposting]

A merry day! Just brokered a tentative peace deal to bring an end to the orc wars. Assuming that simpering twink from the elf kingdom doesn't make another of his godforsaken race hate speeches, we could be in for some rather merry feasts! FEASTS I declare!

[kingofposting]

welcome to my farm where I keep my dark horse my black sheep my scapegoat and my underdog. my canary in the coal mine died ages ago

[kingofposting]

they're hiring me at the extra virgin olive oil factory as the oathsworn knight who protects the chastity of the olives

[kingofposting]

you sir have lost tumblr. Nobody clapped. Always not reblog. This placid woodland grove befouls at your churl presence; may your prev tags be eternally forgotten in its choking mist embrace.

you sir have lost the internet. You do not deserve my reddit gold, nor my most epic of upvotes. Leave these lands and never return from the accursed realm you travel to

[kingofposting]

We are dreadfully good at throwing too. No other animal on the planet can pick up an object and accurately hit a target with it. Our knees lock upright and our throwing reflexes are precisely timed so we can stand stalwart and spear wild foes at unmatched destance. Not to mention we heal injuries remarkably well and can swim and climb! Humanity is the one and only high-mobility ranged class in an ecosystem consisting of melee attackers. Do you realise how FUCKED this is. Instant banlist. At least nerf the HEALTH regen BY GOD.

hi gang. reminder that we are some of the best sweaters in the animal kingdom (second only to equines) allowing us to stay cool and keep moving in hot weather. we have 10 times the density of sweat glands compared to other great apes.

we are ALSO insanely good at smelling rain (specifically geosmin, found in the soil and activated by rain) with the ability to smell 10 parts per trillion. this is speculated to have helped our ancestors survive!

we ALSO have absolutely batshit diets compared to most other animals. caffeine and chocolate are completely toxic to most animals but we can eat it without even feeling sick. even avocados are severely toxic to many animals to the point where it can be fatal to eat, but humans love it!!!

we are ALSO the best endurance runners ON EARTH out of ANY other species. we beat horses in endurance running. you know, the animals that gradually evolved away most of their toes in order to be the best runners?? yeahhh.

and to top it all off. our lifespan is unusually long for our species' weight/mass. typically, the bigger a species is, the longer its average lifespan (e.g. domestic mice live for 1-3 years, whales can live over 200) but we're very small for how long our average lifespan is. big cats like tigers live around 14-15 years, brown bears 25 years, yet here we are expected to live around 75-85 years. that is NUTS.

humans as a species are so extremely cool. it's not just our intellect that makes us amazing. we may not be the fastest or the strongest in the animal kingdom but we're super cool in many other ways. next time you sweat you can go wow!!! humans are so cool I'm able to keep moving because of my absolutely insane number of sweat glands! thank you evolution!

[kingofposting]

[kingofposting]

no animal was harmed during the making of this video. not one. for the few minutes that we were shooting film, the guns of each hunter fell silent. the industrial bolt throwers observed a moment's peace and the jaws of every predator hung softly open. no fish bit any hook and the bait worms held off on drowning only until the cameras stopped. the tails of ruminants ceased to flick just as their attendant flies, in unison, landed on their flanks to catch their tiny breaths. a spider instantly stopped winding silk around a wasp, patiently waiting for the caesura to end. a young veterinarian paused with the syringe in their hand. somewhere, a colicky baby stopped biting its mother's nipple and nursed happily for the very first time. we're sorry. we're sorry it couldn't have been longer. we didn't know this would happen.

[kingofposting]

Spent 20 minutes editing the Casino Royale poker scene to be chutes and ladders instead of finishing my English homework.

[kingofposting]

FINALLY!!!!!!!! TMAGP LENT ANIMATION HAS BEEN FREED FROM PROCRASTINATION HELL!!!!!!!!

This took way too long bc the malevolent brainrot got in the way so,,,,,, yeah I hope y’all enjoy!!! started this I mid-march so that’s why this has more first half of s1 vibes :))

also the YouTube link!!

[kingofposting]

I am in the shitpost fandom. I am shit at posting and a fan of doms.

[kingofposting]

Whenever someone says something's “for the time being” i assume it's for an immense & mysterious sphinx

[kingofposting]

[kingofposting]

really, the original Dark Souls and the musical Cats have the same core plot. furthermore, both works interrogate the desirability of life when the sweet release of death is also an option if you're willing to work hard enough and master their respective mediums (masochistic game mechanics vs a heart rendering ballad) to achieve it, and yes I may have taken my night night medication 45 min ago but I really think I'm cooking here so in this essay I will-

[kingofposting]