kirbian - Tumblr blog

[kirbian]

Strawberry Kirby pin by Arcade Healer

[kirbian]

If your desire for butches does not include reciprocity i.e. caring equally for each other, looking out for one another, defending one another, providing support and love and affection for one another but is instead focused on what they can do for (or, for the fetishising types, to) you, while you reciprocate in the generosity of your availability and willingness to be doted on or fucked by them, you do not care about butches and it's time to stop looking for pats on the back that you are generous enough to want anything to do with a butch. You don't get points for viewing butches as sex toys or chivalrous play things desperate to fulfill a service role for you

[kirbian]

so many butch positivity art pieces and photo sets have some qualifier on the featured butches like dangly earrings or makeup in some form or an overall softened appearance, and while neither of these things inherently stop you being butch, please consider that many butches will be alienated by this - a lot of your drawings aren’t butch. please question if you need to add a feminine touch to your art posts for “butches” and what this is going to add.

[kirbian]

Speaking of butch fetishization I’ve had so many people of all genders make inappropriate comments, inappropriate and hurtful advances, and violent advances online and in public when I’m minding my own business.

The gay community (and heterosexuals) on the whole fetishize gnc women and butches. I know you all know what consent is. I know you all know when someone is made uncomfortable by your comments. You are aware.

We’re not sexual objects to fulfill your desire or a safe masculine option for you to get out what ever you need to get out. We’re people with desires, feelings, insecurities, etc. Not all, though, many of us do fight addiction, depression, and alcoholism, among other things.

Please listen to butches, studs, and other gnc people and women bc I’m tired. We’re tired. We love and protect you with all our hearts. As a rural butch who has been kissed n shit against my will by straight men I want to tell you that no amount of masculinity will keep you safe. As a rural butch who’s had women assault me I want to tell you that it doesn’t matter who you’re with it might happen to you.

Butches always watch your back, make sure you watch theirs.

This includes trans butches and trans lesbians.

[kirbian]

please actively support fat butches and femmes. don’t spread the message, even with subtle, wordless exclusions or fetishization, that you must be thin to be cherished, to be seen as attractive, to be respected as people. views of weight are so gendered, and it can cause/worsen insecurities/dysphoria/etc.

no matter what anyone else says, we don’t need to change for anyone. there is no weight limit for being butch or femme. we can be confident, happy, loved.

[kirbian]

Happy birthday to the best boy

[kirbian]

my genuine advice to younger-than-me wlw & questioning women about sex: it’s supposed to feel good. if it doesn’t, you shouldn’t have to do it. if you don’t enjoy something, you’re allowed to not like it. no matter what it is. even stuff that our culture says is essential to sex. you’re allowed to not like pain or crude language when you have sex, you are allowed to not like penetration, you’re allowed to not like oral or anal, you’re allowed to straight up not like being touched (being a stone top is okay!!!), you’re allowed to like things that most straight people don’t even consider sex but feel good, you’re allowed to like things that most cis people don’t even consider sex but feel good, you’re allowed to have preferences and enjoy sex and decide against sex that doesn’t feel safe and good. there is so much pressure to feel like you should like certain things, and I want you to know that it’s important to find out what you actually do like, not just what you feel like you’re supposed to like. you’re the one living in your body, and you get to decide what feels pleasurable 

[kirbian]

daily reminder tht stone butch & high/stone femme r sexual roles & identities and not modifiers to how masculine or feminine you are

[kirbian]

femme does not mean feminine lesbian, many femmes are GNC and to pretend that we don’t exist is simply wrong! thanks

[kirbian]

@ other femme lesbians: butches are always painted as our protectors, but as their partners and counterparts, it is our responsibility as femmes to protect and watch out for butch lesbians. not just our girlfriends, but all other butch lesbians out there. we’re just as strong and we can’t coexist without each other. 

[kirbian]

stop treating butch and femme as opposites and start treating them as counterparts

[kirbian]

i originally put this in the tags of another post but i think it deserves its own post tbh—

the whole dichotomy of “butches are soft babies uwu” vs “butches are so strong please step on me daddy” are both disgusting and fundamentally based in misogyny. under patriarchy women are either infantilized and robbed of agency or hypersexualized and treated as sex commodity. except when both are done simultaneously (see ddlg), the treatment of butch women as either babies or dildos mirrors this.

beyond the basic misogyny component—these two labels are misinterpretations of what i consider the fundamental components of butchness: tenderness and strength. these can manifest in many forms; a gentle smile and a sleeve tattoo, a pet kitten and a survivor’s instincts, walking old ladies across the street and fighting homophobes outside bars. to one degree or another in some way, all butches manifest these components. they balance each other out, they complement each other, they form the basis of butch identity and expression.

to infantilize the tenderness that the world tells butches they are not allowed to have is intensely disrespectful and hurtful. to hypersexualize butches is to define them solely by their sexual usefulness to you, a phenomenon many butches feel uncomfortable to dysphoric while experiencing. both are objectification plain and simple.

do not mistake the strength of a butch for an invitation to beg her for sexualized violence. do not mistake the tenderness of a butch for the innocence of a child.

it is the duty of any wlw (fem/mes in particular) who claims to love butches to nurture, respect, encourage, and balance these aspects, to protect butches from their bastardation. to love butches, and accept their strength and tenderness on THEIR OWN TERMS!

[kirbian]

I think its very interesting how women often prefer men whose masculinity is soft and non-threatening like Hugh Jackman in an apron kind of masculinity and then with butch women people often project an upsetting fetishized idea of violent masculinity onto butches and especially butches of color against their will. Like please step on me and choke me and beat me up oh please. Why?

[kirbian]

Yknow what’s really fucking annoying to me is like… Most cis LGB people outside of rlly insular communities online don’t make ANY fucking effort to know anything about trans people at all. Like they make no effort to learn trans theory or even pretend they care when they say some really ignorant cissexist/transphobic shit like they literally do not even bother to learn anything at all about a huge part of the community and its so alienating to trans people. Like. Make an effort.

Cis people must reblog

[kirbian]

there’s something i really want butch lesbians to know: 

you’re allowed to want. i’ve seen so many of y’all be like, “i want to be a wife to my femme and provide for her and do whatever she wants.” y’all are so willing to bend over backwards for us femme lesbians as if you lack your own agency, as if we own you in some way. 

you’re not our servants. i love when my butch girlfriend will do things for me to make me happy, but you don’t exist to please us. we love you and we want to make you happy too. remember that you have your own voice and your own opinions. we want to hear you too. 

[kirbian]

s/o to femmes with shaved heads

s/o to femmes who don’t wear makeup

s/o to femmes who don’t shave their body hair

s/o to femmes who bind

s/o to femmes who use pronouns other than she/her

s/o to femmes who don’t perform femininity in the traditional sense but still feel feminine in the way they want to and in a way that makes them comfortable. i love y’all, you’re still femme if that’s how you feel and how you want to identify. keep up the good work

[kirbian]

reminders for the young wlw out there

it’s okay to want to have sex with a girl

it’s also okay to be totally terrified at the thought of having sex with a girl- internalized homophobia affects all of us to a certain extent

it’s okay to want to make out with a girl for hours on end (seriously, it’s totally an okay thing to think about)

it’s okay to fantasize about girls, even in a sexual way. you are not dirty for doing this.

you can absolutely wear clothes that are stereotypically lesbian, such as flannels. in the same note, you can totally cut your hair short if you want. you aren’t perpetuating a stereotype, you’re embracing who you are

you can also completely stay away from any clothing that would signify you might be a wlw (especially if you’re in a situation where the suspicion that you’re a wlw could cause you harm)- it’s completely your choice, just don’t shame anybody that does decide to take on that style.

it’s okay to not immediately date a girl once you come out. take some time to figure out your feelings, it’s okay. you’ll find somebody that you want to date in your own time, or you can just decide you don’t want to ever date anybody. that’s also perfectly okay.

it’s okay to dream about a future with a wife

it’s okay to hold your girlfriend’s hand in public and be affectionate in public. it’s not gross or icky, it’s good and cute, i promise.

it’s okay to come out to everybody you speak to (there’s nothing wrong with you, and if people judge you, they’re the ones who are wrong), but it’s also valid to only come out to a small select group of people. both approaches are fine.

it’s okay to masturbate while thinking about girls. it’s okay, you’re not weird for doing this. it’s a common thing.

it’s okay to watch movies or tv shows with wlw, even the ones that are cliche and really cheesy. if they make you feel validated and happy, continue doing so.

being a wlw is not shameful

you are not broken

you aren’t somebody that needs to be “fixed”

your thoughts and feelings are valid

you are not alone

you are loved