kirkinfleffer

[kirkinfleffer]

okay now that we’ve a had couple lesbian blockbusters and milfs are having a romance moment, we need to bring back the manic pixie dream girl. she was never fuckin suited to fixing all the problems of some boring twenty year old everyman, but you know who could actually benefit from a quirky free-spirited blue haired girl with pronouns (she/they)? a newly divorced forty-something mom who’s trying to learn how to be herself for the first time in her life

[kirkinfleffer]

When I (M29) was a young boy (M7) my father (M35) took me into the city (X167) to see a marching band (M23, M21, M22, F22, M24, M25, F21, M

[kirkinfleffer]

Devastated that rbs were turned off. I need this on my blog.

[kirkinfleffer]

honestly i think we should bring back 'thursday. what a concept.' in 2024

[kirkinfleffer]

So wait are livestock guardian dogs to their flocks like… Clark Kent among the residents of Smallville? He’s been here since he was a baby, we all know him, and he’s… generally one-of-us shaped, uh, approximately. And then when something goes wrong he suddenly leaps into action and does some terrifying impossible shit none of us could do. And then comes back home and settles in like nothing happened and he’s one of us again.

[kirkinfleffer]

tonight I had the privilege of hearing a 13 year old explain the terms “cooking” and “cooked” to my 45 year old manager and she said something so excellent I have to document it.

“cooked is bad. cooking is good. you’re either in the pot or you’re holding it.”

[kirkinfleffer]

jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

[kirkinfleffer]

jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

[kirkinfleffer]

I'm glad that people are still having fun on tumblr even after we found out about the frightening ghoul that reblogs posts but doesn't say anything

[kirkinfleffer]

I'm going to say it. The (word in parentheses) meme is way better for tone indication than tone indicators

[kirkinfleffer]

the world is running out of glassblowers and yet you want to become a fucking doctor

[kirkinfleffer]

i’m obsessed with the mum from ponyo. driving single lane on a cliff edge? drift those turns in your nissan cube. husband has to work an extra shift? tell him to fuck off in morse code. pet fish turned into a child on your driveway? adopt her. town drowned in a tsunami? leave your 5 year old in charge, he’s the man of the house now

[kirkinfleffer]

[kirkinfleffer]

one of the hardest things to learn as a depressed former Gifted Kid™ is that half-assed is better than nothing. take the 50%, 40%, even 20% job. scrubbing your face is better than not taking a shower at all. picking up your clothes is better than never cleaning. nibbling on some bread is better than starving.

DO THINGS HALFWAY. NOW YOU’RE 100% BETTER OFF THAN YOU WERE BEFORE.

[kirkinfleffer]

Link to original

[kirkinfleffer]

Some of you guys have never burned a CD and it shows

[kirkinfleffer]

Wanted to see if I could accurately draw a Garfield yesterday, and then just kinda kept going. Enjoy my garf crimes.