kizzae

[kizzae]

*_*

[kizzae]

Me fr

[kizzae]

if you ever feel down always remember luffy's got you

[kizzae]

real

[kizzae]

still don't know.

(Vent poem below. no TW, just lots of feels rn.)

I've become obsessed with the idea of you

obsessed with your smile, your laugh, how giddy you get to try something new

as beautiful and refreshing as a crisp autumn breeze

but I watch from the outside as those things are never directed at me.

and I watch through my one-way screen

completely and utterly always unseen

I tap my fingers against my wrist

because you don't even know that I exist.

I've become obsessed with talking to you in my head, 

making up conversations of things that have never been said

feeling your hand on mine to stop me before I slam my guitar into the ground

because the lyrics come easy to you, but mine never have the right sound

you tell me not to worry, you tell me not to quit

after all, I am a poet, a lyrical fountain

and you don't know it, but my heart has already started pounding

but I wake up in my bed again, because it all was just in my head

you still don't know that I exist.

I became obsessed with writing you letters

despite the fact that my handwriting could be so much better

I use my favorite pen, the one with the brush tip and that ink dark as night

I write and write until my hand is cramping tight

but I still have more to say

I seal up the letter with wax and a symbol of a new day

and I add it to the collection, stuffed beneath my pillow

the one soft and comforting as marshmallow

I kiss the envelope, pretending it's your cheek

returning it to the pile as I lie down to sleep

I wake once again, alone in a sea of scribbled pen

you still don't know that I exist

I became obsessed with pretending you were here

lying next to me as I explain the stories that pour out of my head

you never understand completely, but you try be clear

that you love my creativity, and I feel your hand in mine as we lie in bed

watching the shadows envelop the room until it's twilight

and I fall asleep, your arm around my shoulder is a feeling that's just right

but I wake up in the morn, cold and alone

you still don't know that I exist

as I gaze fondly at those letters I've written to you for myself

I kiss them goodnight as they lie to rest under my pillow, until I pick them up in the morning

right where they were left

I don't want to admit it, my love, but this is all getting boring

and yet, my mind still wanders back down this path

the one that always ends and begins with you

I see you again, watching your eyes wrinkle as you laugh

and my heart begins to beat anew

yet, you still don't know that I exist

and now, standing here

the moment I've imagined for years and years

I hear my name on your lips

as fresh and cool as the morning mist

I hear your laugh at a joke I tell

and, in that familar way, my heart begins to swell

in this moment, a realization becomes clear

my obsession, the one that consumed my very soul

began to vanish and disappear

because this moment, that Ive imagined a thousand times over

couldn't even compare to the experience while sleep-sober

so as I lay my head down to sleep

this future memory is mine to keep

because when I once again do wake

my heart is forever yours to take

~ E.S.

[kizzae]

“I hope that someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight, and that’s all they do. They don’t pull away. They don’t look at your face. They don’t try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms, without an ounce of selfishness in it.”

— Unknown

[kizzae]

"Just you and me" a love language