klauslibelle - Tumblr blog

[klauslibelle]

Barracks Recipe No. 5: Bobby Henderson's Holy Pastoli It's fuckin spaghetti Don't overthink it Ingredients: -Spaghetti -White onion -Meatballs -Newman's Own (the stuff you normally use) -Olive oil -Butter -Better Than Bullion 2: The Beef Boogaloo -Garlic powder -Oregano -Basil Instructions: -Chop like 1/4 cup (prolly less) of onion and throw into a large pot with like a cup of water (prolly more) and a teaspoon of better than bullion (prolly just a cube of not-better beef bullion) -Add a dash of garlic powder and like a teaspoon of olive oil, add a teaspoon of butter and bring to a boil -Stir in bullion, allow butter to fully melt, and reduce by about half (prolly more) -Add appropriate amount of spaghetti, split in half if desired -Throw in the remainder of your spaghetti sauce and a fuckton of meatballs (the frozen kind, I don't got time to teach you how to beat meat into balls) -Stir continuously uncovered as long as it takes for the liquid to reduce to a saucy consistency and the noodles to become flaccid -Throw in some oregano I guess -Your formerly frozen meatballs are probably warmed up at this point so go ahead and transfer to a bowl -Top with some freshly grated parmesan and basil -Realize you went WAY too hard on the beef bullion -Still really really really good https://www.instagram.com/p/CDmVW2EpwXG/?igshid=p8vem4iqyipr

[klauslibelle]

Barracks Recipe No. -47: Eggs Agaricus Y'all thought I was done Ingredients: -Eggs -Portabella mushrooms -Bacon -Queso Fresco -Butter -Olive oil -Sriracha -Salt -Pepper Instructions: -S1 fucked up and didn't add me to new unit -BAH and BAS come from unit data -Got like +$700 for one paycheck -Got only like $250 for following paycheck -Poor af -Doing CDL school to be a trucker -Could make $65k in this job -Fuck your recruiter -Life has many doors Ed boi -Melt one or two tbsp of butter in a pan, add some olive oil -Slice up some mushrooms and throw in -Wash and dry em first -Salt mushrooms to help them sweat out that moisture -Saute mushrooms until roasty and dark, or about to catch fire, whichever comes first -Transfer to plate and leave on side -Feel free to season with garlic powder while they're in the pan, works pretty good imo -Dont shave for 4 weeks bc you're PTAD and gonna get out 3 weeks after that -Haha these ni🅱️🅱️as about to go on the boat for DISCA or whatever it's called -Download copious amounts of hentai bc boingos gonna shit itself for the next few days -Fry up some bacon -Drain bacon -Add olive oil as required -Fry and baste eggs in olive oil -Drain off excess oil and transfer eggs to plate -Salt and pepper -Freako -Scary aha -Maybe some oregano for decoration https://www.instagram.com/p/CDcw5rvjVx8/?igshid=1s2fgl4jvb2dw

[klauslibelle]

US Helplines:

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453

UK Helplines:

Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail jo@samaritans.org

Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111

Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: info@mind.org.uk

Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 legal@mind.org.uk

b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: help@b-eat.co.uk

b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)

Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk

Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600

Drinkline: 0800 9178282

Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail info@rapecrisis.org.uk

Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight

India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614

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Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868

FREE 24/7 suicide hotlines:

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(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)

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Switzerland: 143

Taiwan: 0800-788-995

Thailand: 02-249-9977

Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800

Ukraine: 0487-327715

(Source)

[klauslibelle]

Treating myself today. ❤️ https://www.instagram.com/p/CBqbsdAjEsf/?igshid=1ums3y3gej17p

[klauslibelle]

Barracks Recipe No. 3: Eggs Bachelor Well, bois, I've done it. I have broken through the final circle. I have created the holy grail of recipes, and one of my favorites to make, all with almost no barracks-unauthorized equipment. If you get English muffins premade, and a toaster, you can forego the hot plate, which is arguably slightly more dangerous than a $10 Walmart toaster, which you can use instead to toast your muffins. However, I think a pan is the only correct way to make this, and you only need it to toast the mattress upon which your piece de l'art shall rest, tucked in by a warm drizzling of some barracks-made Hollandaise sauce. Come with me and you'll be in a world of Article 92 violations. <3 Ingredients: -Ciabatta bun (this is what I happened to have but I recommend an English muffin like it's supposed to be) -5 eggs -Bacon -Salt -Pepper -Cayenne -Dill weed -Oregano -Butter -Lemon juice -Mustard (I used stone ground but I recommend dijon) Instructions: -Give up all hope of reenlisting and come to terms with the fact that you can actually be NJP'd for the unlawful possession of a toaster -"bUt yOu cAn gEt fIrEd iN ThE CiVILiAn wOrLd" shut the fuck up -"YoU KnOw iTs cHeApEr tO EaT At tHe cHoW HaLl" you know it's cheaper for you to shut the fuck up ~~~🥚𝒹𝑒𝓈 œ𝓊𝒻𝓈🥚~~~ -Bring 2 cups of water to a boil in the microwave (give or take 5 minutes with these things) -Remove from microwave and crack 1 egg into the water at a time, allowing the still-boiling water to cook the whites before adding the second egg. Recommend using le ole whirlpool method with these for better albumen cohesion, although if you're going to use a hot plate, you may as well get a pot and just do this the proper way anyhow. -Allow eggs to rest in water for 1 minute and insert a toothpick into each yolk and return to microwave. Continue blasting on medium power until you can see all the whites have been cooked through. DO NOT TRY TO GET THE WATER BOILING AGAIN IN THE MICROWAVE WITH AN EGG INSIDE. IT WILL EXPLODE. CONTINUED IN THE COMMENTS https://www.instagram.com/p/CBl__OwD6YP/?igshid=1mnsx1jb9uqip

[klauslibelle]

Barracks Recipe No. 69: Sexual Satisfaction Slider Minimal hot plate usage on this one. Advise using a large fan to disperse what little smoke may come off the pan. In fact, you can do this with no barracks-unauthorized equipment at all, if you're okay with untoasted ciabatta, which you shouldn't be. Ingredients: -Ciabatta buns -Olive oil -Salt and pepper -Rosemary -Tomato -Fresh Ball Mozzarella -Black Forest Ham -Mayonnaise -Baby Spinach Instructions: -Aight kids this one actually turned out REALLY fuckin good so pay attention bc I'm gonna breeze through this no jokes today -olive oil in the pan on high heat, throw salt, pepper, and rosemary in while the oil warms -oil will begin to contract at some point. This is when you add a sliced ciabatta bun to the mix. Allow buns to absorb the oil. If any of the oil is left outside the bun, lightly press the bun to help it absorb more. The bun acts like a sponge for the oil, so make sure every drop ends up in there -toast buns until edges are browned and inside is just barely beginning to change color and then remove to plate -3 leaves of baby spinach on the bottom -1 slice of ham with some mayo or preferred condiment -tomato -mozzarella -tomato -mozzarella -optionally another slice of ham -bun I'm so serious, this turned out to be super fuckin good. There's a subtle crunch that I'm all the fuck about and not too many bold flavors besides the olive oil, ham, and mozzarella. Suuuuuuper satisfying to eat, I highly recommend this one if you need a good brunch but don't have time. Give this one a hot for sure. So I can get my satisfaction. https://www.instagram.com/p/CBjh1tQDQnx/?igshid=8xg8h31wt2o3

[klauslibelle]

VISIT MY FACEBOOK FOR THE VIDEO songs to launch / leave earth / orbit / explore space to (lofi chill acoustic dreamwave beats) In celebration of the NASA/SpaceX launch and docking with the ISS yesterday! Got so excited I wanted to share some music with yall. The only thing I own is the song "smile / i m p e r m e n a n c e", featured among this mix. All other songs and video are credited below. Also, if yall wanna support my music, check me out at mountveneration.bandcamp.com Footage: SpaceX Launch: CBS Evening News Bell X-1: The Daily Aviation X-15: AIRBOYD Formation of NASA: NASA Freedom 7: Matthew Travis Friendship 7: Retro Space HD Yuri Gagarin: Julian Danzer Gemini 3: lunarmodule5 Apollo 11 Moon Landing: NASA Niel Armstrong First Steps: CBS News Skylab: NASA Columbia First Launch: Bob Parker Spacewalk: Associated Press View of Earth: The New York Times EVA: AIRBOYD Challenger Disaster: NBC News Columbia Disaster: Dreaming of Dirtbagging Atlantis Launch: CNN Atlantis Landing: AIRBOYD Orion Launch: NASA Earth Views: NASA Johnson JUNO Launch: NASA DEMO-1 Docking: NASA Falcon 9, Flight 2: SpaceX OSIRIS-REx Launch: NASA DEMO-2 Docking: NASA Songs: Levitation - Beach House Hentai - Cigarettes After Sex Super Legend - Gregory and the Hawk Airplane Mode - Limbo Space Song - Beach House (slowed + reverb mix by s l o w e d j a m s) smile / i m p e r m e n a n c e - Mount Veneration Sit Down Beside Me - Patrick Watson Je te laisserai des mots - Patrick Watson I Lost Something In the Hills - Sibylle Baier Somebody That I Used to Know - Gotye ft. Kimbra (slowed by alexa) Fly Me to the Moon (lofi remix) - Seventh Sage The Night - Lovewave Space Lion - Cowboy Bebop OST Days of Candy - Beach House (slowed + reverb mix by Glitch) https://www.instagram.com/p/CA6mlHPD4qz/?igshid=1le8oixoer9sq

[klauslibelle]

Barracks Recipe No. 47: Fuck the Chow Hall Edition Call ya boyfriend, tell him he fired. I'm ya mans now Ingredients: -Thin Spaghetti (that's right) -chicken broth -eggs -chicken (idk the frozen bag stuff) -chives -tofu -seaweed -anchovie paste -garlic powder -butter -white vinegar (the anti-white kind) -green onions -some other stuff -salt and pepper Instructions: -go to walmart to get tomatoes and eggs -come back with spaghetti and tofu -have instant ramen in the closet -get frisky -steam eggs for 7 minutes, retrieve and bathe with ice -btw 7 minutes is not long enough, your yolk is still completely runny and you'll barely be able to de-shell them without them falling apart -boil spaghetti for like 3 minutes or until water overflows and nearly shorts out your hot plate -rinse -put 1/2 a pint of chicken broth in the now-empty pot, or however much will completely fill your bowl and make it impossible to move the bowl without spilling it -chop some green onion, throw it in -fuck it throw the other ingredients in with 2 tbsp of butter -bring to a boil -realize you bought the tofu so quickly cube some of that up -man this is gonna smell later -boil everything -add spaghetti -discover eggs are completely liquid in the yolk -fuck it send it -transfer everything to bowl -total volume is exactly the volume of the bowl -fuck -microwave some chicken slices with lemon juice and pepper -cook until dry af -insert -slice up some seaweed -insert -slice ya eggs -insert cautiously -chives -spill -eat https://www.instagram.com/p/CAl4ZqnDGd2/?igshid=1s865v2z9vrbn

[klauslibelle]

Barracks Recipes: The Health Nut Episode Hey guys, I just wanted to take a brief moment and shoutout to today's s̶p̶o̶n̶s̶o̶r̶. SquareSpace is an online platform you can use to build your own personalized web pages for your business, group, team, or any number of possibilities. SquareSpace features an intuitive design system that's easy to understand and requires no skills or expertise. In minutes, you can have your next website up and running for as little as $9.99 a month. Whether it's sharing great recipes or promoting your new band, make your next move with Squarespace. (DISCLAIMER: THIS WAS A JOKE, I'M NOT SPONSORED BY THEM AND WILL NOT COMPLY WITH LAW ENFORCEMENT IF SENT TO ARREST ME. I AM NOT SPONSORED BY SQUARESPACE. CONSIDER ME ARMED AND HOSTILE. I WILL RESIST ARREST BY ALL MEASURES.) Recipe in the comments yall https://www.instagram.com/p/B_Y3f4uD0Ky/?igshid=16zwwhah80n0d

[klauslibelle]

So I began to give the holy speech: "Give not your flesh over to passions or sorrow; All life is but a dream and you are nothing But you can rise to worth; I call on you to follow" My thoughts once busied by all possibility, My understanding ever-growing, There came before me a panacea most pleasant: "Do all the good you can, but know in your heart You cannot change a thing Bury the spear; let not the world be torn apart, You must let go; let all there is live and breathe" https://www.instagram.com/p/B_PO8Sepiud/?igshid=1p5yoneg4hwo8

[klauslibelle]

This place, these Martian sands, My kingdom built over this land, Beneath which I shall bury This spear, my machine of misery I shall bury this misery Fields of flowers grow where pain used to be Soil made fertile by those tears Were once barren for a thousand years, it seemed THE LAST OF THE MAMMOTHS https://www.instagram.com/p/B_LXbVrDzRf/?igshid=114t41ur5wnya

[klauslibelle]

Oppression Chicken Veggie Fry Do you live in the barracks? Can you be demoted and even fined for the "unlawful" possession of a toaster because you're too ugly or too socially awkward or too emotionally immature to get into a marriage and live off base like every other tax-paying American? Well, folks, it's SkinnyPenis™ back at it again with another revolutionary recipe that'll have you wishing you'd just said something during the Moment of Truth! With my innovative cooking techniques, and no BAS whatsoever, I'll show you how to feel like 20% of a real adult with (almost) no unauthorized equipment! Pro tip: Bring all of your "unauthorized" supplies to the next shop potluck and offer to be the chef. This way, when the second Health and Comfort in your first enlistment comes to bite you in the ass 3 weeks before you hit Terminal, Gunny might remember that dope-ass chicken you made that one time that made his wife smile. Recipe in the comments! And let me know if you'd like to see a cookbook! https://www.instagram.com/p/B_DyJzajXjF/?igshid=1vp1bm5os4rkw

[klauslibelle]

Fuck the barracks policy Made in the bathroom with a burner and a cast iron Cuz yall dont want to give me NO way to cook food besides an open-front grill and a microwave https://www.instagram.com/p/B_DePF9jYNZ/?igshid=1cv3sq3gdvo7t

[klauslibelle]

So I've learned three things today, in sequential order: 1. White eggs are better than brown 2. Cooking eggs in the microwave is an art that must be carefully cultivated 3. Never settle for over hard!!! https://www.instagram.com/p/B-8kkexDnTy/?igshid=16kmhcyqw82xa

[klauslibelle]

Fiiiiiiinally have a full version ready I've been waiting a while to be able to hear this one THE LANIAKEA SUPERCLUSTER https://www.instagram.com/p/B-oGwjUDyW6/?igshid=1vxz09z0g8gmk

[klauslibelle]

Barracks Spam Au Poivre This actually turned out way better than I thought it would. I've never made gravy in the microwave, and even though the consistency was shit, it still tasted good https://www.instagram.com/p/B-VWuVfj9pA/?igshid=1wwtwoi5iw1uy

[klauslibelle]

So I just made bread at the barracks https://www.instagram.com/p/B-AjQqrDjcI/?igshid=1kss487qexxne