klavlock

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google how to be as happy as a merry and pippin stan no glue no borax

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I'm going to say it. The (word in parentheses) meme is way better for tone indication than tone indicators

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I've had a bad day and would like to remind u that these photos of the lotr cast t-posing exist because it always makes me feel better:

Don't forget this one of Frodo giving side eye like a diva:

And this one of Sam always makes me giggle:

And Saruman giving bat wings:

And these guys:

You're welcome <3

[klavlock]

Bagginshield-tober / Day 12: Nephews

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We interrupt your usual service to bring you a rebirth of an early 2010s obsession.

Ok so as a childhood reader of the book I actually heartily disliked the Hobbit films for a number of reasons but when I tell you these two and their eternal compatibility had (still have) me in a chokehold 💀

They're husbands ok, and Bilbo for sure wrote that in his book 😬

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greenleaf of greenwood

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The company, silly edition

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thinking about thorin and bilbo getting married after the battle and thorin feeling so guilty for what he did to bilbo under the gold sickness that makes him physically sick. there are days when he can barely feel worthy of looking at bilbo and it completely destroys him from inside out. bilbo always assures thorin that he has already forgiven him, but sometimes it is not enough, all he can do is hug his husband and hope for better days.

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cultural misunderstandings fic idea/headcanons/word dump for bagginshield bc they have consumed my brain

!!!cw for swearing!!!

I find it HILARIOUS when no one else is down bad for Bilbo like Thorin is. combine that with cultural misunderstandings and you have the perfect rom com

and its not like Bilbo is some dwarven beauty who is handsome by hobbit standards but gorgeous by dwarf standards. it’s just that, while the rest of the company see Bilbo as just Some Guy, not particularly outstanding in the looks department but definitely not unattractive either—Thorin is simply built different

for some reason Thorin sees Bilbo, with his honey colored hair and his upturned nose and his fiery attitude, and promptly loses his grip on reality.

That’s right: Thorin “I’ll be single for the rest of my life, I already have heirs” Oakenshield’s ability to feel romantic attraction suddenly kicks into gear after 195 years of lying dormant because this is the most beautiful creature he’s ever laid eyes on

And applying this to the scene where they first meet is hilarious because what do you MEAN Thorin was already clocking Bilbo as a threat to his quest because of his very apparent beauty

forget about canon, Thorin actually didn’t like Bilbo at first because he thought the super duper attractive boyfriend shaped creature popping up out of nowhere was just another case of his horrible Durin bad luck acting up again. like okay Gandalf what kind of game are you playing at, inviting this clearly soft and incredibly fair hobbit along on our dangerous quest. we can’t afford distractions right now

like imagine they’re a few months into the quest. Bilbo is sitting on a rock, combing his hair out in the sunlight, already having taken off his coat and vest because it’s hot as hell outside. he’s left in his cotton undershirt, which is partially see through because of a combination of light and sweat

none of the other dwarves give a shit, they’re perfectly used to nudity and bathing near others, and Bilbo is by far the most modest and self-conscious of them when it comes to showing skin

But of course, from Thorin’s pov it’s like watching a beautiful forest nymph bathe in the river. mythical creature meant to seduce you type beat

in his eyes Bilbo is bathing in the glow of the sunset, combing through strands of molten gold while exposing a scandalous amount of skin (cough his collarbone cough). AND Thorin can see the tan of his skin through his shirt. and he immediately thinks that this has to be the work of purposeful seduction. Bilbo wants to ensnare a dwarf for a husband by the end of the journey and he’s being painfully obvious about it. how dare he do this in front of people that aren’t Thorin

which is consequently why Thorin is hiding behind a rock as he watches, trying to make sure no one else is seeing what he’s seeing and scaring off anyone that comes close with a well timed glare. and he’s also trying not to come off as a creep because he’s been staring for a bit too long, and the last thing he wants is to scare Bilbo off

but then Bilbo starts humming a jaunty little tune and braiding his hair, as it’s gotten long over the course of the journey and he’s picked up some useful things from the company when it comes to grooming.

Thorin thinks he might actually pass out because Bilbo looks like he just popped out of a dwarven wet dream, singing and looking all shiny n shit

by the end of the night, Thorin’s sitting there with his head in his hands thinking “I must destroy him and his majestic allure. or make him my wife. I can’t believe those are my ONLY two options”

and would you believe it, their dynamic continues like that for the whole journey.

Dwalin and Balin are the first ones to pick up on Thorin’s plight, being his best and oldest friends—but they both have very, very different reactions to it.

Balin doesn’t indulge Thorin because he knows that Bilbo is a hobbit, and a very sheltered one at that. he realizes that their burglar most likely isn’t aware of the inherent intimacy of touching a dwarf’s hair, or braiding, or anything Bilbo has offered to do during their quest. in fact, he’s absolutely sure that absolutely none of the courting rituals Bilbo has performed were intentional, and were in fact blindly stumbled into.

Dwalin, however, is totally supportive of Thorin’s bullshit because Dwalin is the exact opposite of his brother when it comes to subtlety, and he is also physically unable to consider any conceptual alternative to whatever is plainly happening in front of him. he trusts his eyes and his eyes are telling him that Bilbo Baggins is a skilled temptress with designs on his king

Thorin, being delusional: Dwalin I’m being seduced and I think I’m losing

Dwalin, an enabler: I’ve never seen such blatant, shameless flirting in my life. brother he REALLY wants you

Thorin: FUCKING RIGHT?

Balin, staring in confusion because Bilbo literally just took a moment to pluck some leaves out of Thorin’s hair: No????

Balin tries—he really tries—to nudge Thorin in the right direction, to get his king to realize that Bilbo, in fact, is not doing all these borderline courting rituals on purpose. then again, he is an old dwarf and the whole situation is extremely entertaining, and he’s always had a mischievous streak in him. which turns him into yet another enabler—and at the end of the day, he doesn’t correct Thorin on his assumptions. sometimes he actively tries to make them worse, just for the hell of it, because if anyone deserves to have a little fun messing around with Thorin Oakenshield it’s Balin

Balin, teasing: ohohoho, wasn’t it nice of Bilbo to help Bofur rinse the dirt out of his clothes?

Thorin, clearly devastated: this is unacceptable

Thorin: he is doing it on purpose to invoke my jealously. I am ashamed to say it has worked

Balin:….

Thorin: he is a s i r e n

Balin:…….

Thorin: and I’m about to jump into the ocean

and that’s how it is until they reach Erebor. Thorin is constantly like “Hmm yes. Bilbo is a temptation, another obstacle meant to stray me from the path I must take” and everybody else is like what the actual FUCK are you talking about. are we seeing the same person. all of this melodramatic resistance to temptation happens in Thorin’s mind, and only because he can’t admit that he has a crush like a normal person.

Thorin can’t stop acting like a sailor lost at sea, doomed to be devoured by the beautiful creature he covets, and after a few months of watching that every day the entire company is just. completely done

and of course bad boy bachelor Bilbo Baggins, resident single handsome rich man in the Shire, notices the staring. obviously he asks Thorin what his problem is and Thorin panics and mutters something about Bilbo “using his looks to his advantage” and stalks off in a huff. Bilbo is very surprised to learn he’s that attractive by dwarf standards. because he doesn’t know that he’s not and that Thorin is just a special case. fuck secretive dwarves customs am I right?

the absolute worst part of this situation is that Bilbo is actually flirting and has been trying to seduce Thorin for months, but specifically by hobbit standards. all of his efforts have absolutely no effect because what hobbits consider courting is just normal, friendly dwarf behavior. It’s the stuff he doesn’t mean to do that drives Thorin up the wall.

Balin, however, being the member of the company with more than one brain cell, is the only one who sees this. and he’s very tired

Balin: Bilbo. Are you flirting with Thorin

Bilbo, flushing: well, I did feed him a strawberry from my plate today. I hope he doesn’t mind me being so forward….

Meanwhile, Dwalin and Thorin talking at the other side of the camp:

Thorin: Our burglar offered to wash my hair earlier this morning. I’ve never been pursued like this in all my life.

Dwalin: >:0……oh so he WANTS YOU wants you

Thorin: THATS EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT

anyways I’m going insane with ideas for these two. 🆘 please

(ALSO if anyone writes a fic/makes art for this. TAG ME. RIGHT NEOW)

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bilbo who is consort to the king but thinks it’s a little gauche to mention it. he spends half his time in bag end, half his time in erebor “visiting friends”. his dwarven bodyguards are “nice boys doing me a favour by carrying an old man’s groceries”.

his priceless dwarven jewellery? “little trinkets from my husband, he does like to spoil me”. the diplomatic meetings with the elves thorin sends him on? “sorting out a little spat between friends, i’ll be back soon”

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I've had this sketch for several months now..

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I know some people were salty about Bilbo in the Hobbit movies not wearing the same thing that Ian Holm Bilbo is wearing in the prologue scene of Fellowship, and I hear you. That kind of attention to detail is always wonderful. And I know some people think the explanation that since the voice over is done by Galadriel, she probably just didn't know what he was wearing is a copout.

However...I do enjoy picturing everyone sitting around listening to Galadriel tell the story, and Bilbo starts tugging on Elrond's sleeve and whispering to him like

"Elrond...Elrond...that's not what I was wearing that day."

(being patient with the elderly) "It's okay, Bilbo."

"I didn't even own that waistcoat yet."

(getting exasperated) "It really doesn't matter, it's fine."

"It's not fine. It's wrong. Tell her she got it wrong, Elrond."

(questioning his life choices) "I'm not going to do that, Bilbo."

"Why not?"

"BECAUSE SHE'S MY MOTHER-IN-LAW."

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“Manic pixy dream girl” Son & and his “type-A bipolar wine mom” Dad

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it always confused why everyone would arrive at bilbo’s house separately if they all traveled to the shire together but then i realized. that trick gandalf pulls on beorn. where he has everyone come in slowly instead of all at once. its the same thing hes doing to bilbo.

now the question remains: is this gandalf’s go-to plan when trying to make someone okay with having 13 dwarves in their house, or does he view bilbo and beorn as both uniquely unhinged individuals who need to be handled like a wild animal that could bite at any minute? i need to Know

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I got further into the council of Elrond and the dwarves are fucking ride or die man

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i love how Gandalf invested in Hobbits in year one and has been pushing them ever since. Thorin, i hear you need help with a breaking and entering. Can I recommend one of these little cunts? Silent as fuck, trust me. Elrond my dude i know you're skeptical but these four chucklefucks just transported a weapon of mass destruction all the way here. Theoden, you've gotta get yourself a hobbit man, I've got a spare one here. Denathor you big prick, take a hobbit - literally this is the bottom of the range but listen to him sing. Beautiful little bastard.